← The JOY Broadcast
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Welcome to the Joy Broadcast. I'm Ali Mortimer, joy coach, mentor, and life confidant, and I'm here to tell you something that might surprise you. Joy is not fluffy. Joy isn't frivolous. Joy is not the reward you get after you've ticked all the boxes. Joy is the only strategy you will ever need. It's your competitive edge, your antidote, and your super attractor. It's the power that creates miracles and makes life feel like magic. In my life, joy is the acronym for just on you. Because you matter. Your joy matters, Your life matters, and it's time to act like it. Whether you're in the dark with nothing or at the top with everything, and it's feeling so overwhelming, joy is always the answer. Joy is a strategy for every era of your life. And this podcast is a space for women in the boardroom, in business, and those women who are running the show at home. This is your reminder to choose Joy not as a reward, but the strategy that gives you your competitive edge, the energy that will expand to give you the capacity to hold everyone and everything. Now, before we begin today's broadcast, I have an invitation for you. If you would like to go deeper to prioritize your joy, come and join me in the Joy Rebellion. It's my membership where I invite you to align to Joy every single week and where I support you in clearing the path when it's hard. Or work with me in Brilliance, my mentorship for women who want to bring brilliance to the boardroom because they feel fabulous in the bedroom and in their body. But right now and every week on this podcast, I'm going to be bringing you the ideas, the stories and the strategies to make Joy your lifestyle, your strategy, your. Your North Star. This is the Joy Broadcast. Let's go. Hello and welcome back to the Joy Broadcast. I am going to take a little bit of a break. We've been going through some incredible interviews and conversations with the women from the Joy Rebellion and some gorgeous people I have met along my way who I believe have incredible inspirational stories and stories of Joy to share with you. But as you know me, or I hope you've come to know me by listening to this podcast. You know that whenever something in my life happens, I love to share it and share the wisdom that I have gathered from the experience. And I have recently had an experience that has given me, or gifted, shall we say? Because I do believe that sometimes some of the hardest situations can really be a gift, if we choose to look for that. And they've gifted me some codes. And what I mean by codes is just new beliefs, new ideas, lessons, wisdom that I know that are going to serve me incredibly well for my future and the way I'm going to lead my life from this point forward. And so I thought I'd share the story with you and highlight some of the key learnings that I've taken from it. And I hope that they will help and guide and support you, too. I know that when I have shared this story earlier this week inside My Joy Rebellion, which is my membership for women, and I come in and speak freely and raw and from the heart as I'm learning through things. But the response I got from the women in the community was that it was incredibly powerful to hear me talk myself and walk myself through an experience. And it has enabled them to have conversations that they need to have or to whether that be conversations with others or conversations with themselves. So I'm bringing it to the front lines. It felt like it was too long a conversation to have just on a social media story or on the grid. And I feel like it's one that I really want to speak out rather than write out. So we're going to go with the speaking first, and I'm sure at some point I'll write the article on it. But let me just speak about it while it's still fresh in my mind. And I think it was really born out of a situation and a conversation I actually had on Friday last week with one of my brilliance clients. And she was talking very much about how she really doesn't like or enjoy conversations that could potentially be confrontational or create conflict. And I know that that's many of us. Why would we ever want to walk into a confrontation? Why would we ever want to have to deal with conflict? But unfortunately, this is life. We're always going to have to deal with those, especially if you're a woman who is married, especially if you're a woman who has children, especially if you're a woman who runs businesses, leads boardrooms, leads discussions. It's just part of our life and it's part of any kind of relationship. I even as I look at my notes now, that relationship with ourselves, there's often confrontation and conflict going on inside us, isn't there? What I've recognized not only from my own story, but also with many of the conversations I have with and have had with many women over the years, is that sometimes we find it easier to keep the peace around us in our homes, in our teams, and ultimately in keeping the peace Outside of us, around us, we end up having a war raging within us. So I want to spotlight and highlight this with a conversation from two perspectives. One from using human design, which you know, is a tool that I love to use and always refer to. And then the second part is from a story and from a new perspective that was given to me on Friday. So let's just quickly dive into human design because it's, it's often a. Well, it's the first tool that I offer up to many people who say to me, you know, I don't like conflict. I don't like confrontation. I'm wary of the hard conversations because of how it makes me feel. I don't like it. I don't like the feeling. So I literally avoid it. And I think if you look at your human design and by the way, if you don't know what human design is, I'm going to leave a link in the show notes. I'm not going to go into it. There's loads of podcasts on it. Human design is very much, if for want of a better word, it's a personal profiling tool. It helps you understand you. It is so that you can understand how your energy is wired within you to support you. And it's one you cannot cheat or influence on because it's based on your time of birth, your date of birth and your location of birth. It's not something that you can influence based on yes, no answer questions to suit the purpose of the outcome that you want to be. Anyway, I digress. I'm going to leave a link in the show notes so you can go and find out your human design if you want to use this part of the, the kind of the like teaching, I suppose, of this podc. So in your human design you will see that you have one of your chakras is your solar plexus. This is the, the chakra, the energy center that is all about emotions, feelings. It's stored in your solar plexus. And you can either have a chakra that's defined or undefined in your human design. And what I find in the majority of cases, the women that I speak to who I don't want to say fear because that doesn't mean it's right. They just, they less appreciate, perhaps sometimes avoid at all costs conversations of conflict and confrontation because they have an undefined solar plexus. Now I have an undefined and open solar plexus. Now what does this mean, open and undefined just means that you are like a sponge and you are going to absorb the feelings and the emotions of other people in the room, the people that you are surrounded by. So if you put this in a situation where you're going to have an emotional conversation, a hard conversation, where there could be conflict, where there could be drama, could be tension, could be confrontation, where someone in that room who isn't able to manage or master their own emotions could literally fling it at you or just be so bold that your energy is going to absorb their energy. Your solar plexus, your energy center of feelings and emotions, is literally going to absorb, like a dry sponge being dropped to the bath, is going to soak it all up when you feel it coming from that other person. And if you're not careful what will end up happening, or you're not aware or conscious of what I'm about to tell you, you will literally absorb all of that energy and you will make their feelings yours. And not only will you make their feelings yours, but you will amplify it. So if they are angry, if they are very upset, if they are hurt, if they're raging, if they're disappointed, if they are any kind of feeling, sad, fearful, vengeful, you are literally going to absorb all of that emotion, make it yours and amplify it in your body. Which is why we don't like it, because we hold it and we store it and we don't like it. Now, before I knew about human design, I did that. And so I would avoid it at all costs, or I would put a protective barrier up between me and them and just almost just like shut my eyes and just numb myself of the feelings, not only my own, but of theirs as well. A little bit robotic, perhaps. We don't want to do that because we're humans and we're here for the human feeling. So this is how I explain what you can do. If you can imagine bubbles, do you remember when we used to blow bubbles through those round circles and blow bubbles, and we do them for our kids and we still do them, weddings and various things. What I want you to see is that your open or undefined chakra is like that ring of the bubble blower. And when you start to feel these feelings that you weren't feeling before, when you're with someone who might be angry, raging, upset, stressed, you're going to recognize that that's their energy and not yours. You're going to feel it like the bubble coming into your bubble ring. And you're going to see it as information because you know it's not yours. And you say, oh, that's not my feeling. I wasn't feeling angry, I wasn't feeling upset, I wasn't feeling vengeful, whatever the feeling is. Before, I was in this room. Oh, that's interesting. So now I know that they are ang worry that they are upset, that they're frightened. Whatever their feeling is, you can use that as information to be able to hold a space for them. If they're angry, you don't want to throw flames on the fire, you don't have petrol on them, you want to hold a space for them to simmer, to calm. If they're frightened, it's not about your fear, it's about holding that space for them to say, do you know what? I'm here with you, I've got you. Let's talk through the fears. If they're sad, once again, it's not about you being sad, it's about you being able to hold that space just to say, I'm with you in your sadness and in your darkness. So all of this is information. And then when you're done, you blow the emotion through that bubble ring, you let it go, you feel it, it's information, you use it on how to manage that situation and then you let it go and you don't make it yours. So I love that bubble analogy. Feel it, use it as information to manage that situation, to not drive any more conflict or confrontation and let it go. So you don't need to fear that feeling anyway anymore because you know how to handle it. So that's the first thing. The perspective from human design. And now I want to tell you the story of what happened last week because it really did help me understand more about conflict and hard conversations. So I have to backtrack a little bit and I hope you're sitting comfortably or I hope you're listening while you're walking or driving or whatever you're doing. And maybe this will help you over a period of time. Last Thursday I went down and had the most magical, magical day with my bestie since I was 10. And it's been in the diary for a really long time. I was always going to be away on Thursday and Friday to spend that time with my best friend. We were going shopping and we were coming home and I was going to come home on the Friday and I was going to sit and do my client calls in the car in stops where the car was charging on my way back home. And now originally planned, my family were going to be at home to manage one of our properties. As we rent them out to turn them over. As it transpired, only one son was going to be at home. So as I set off on my journey on Friday in 30 degrees reheat, stopping every now and again to do a client conversation, one of which was all about conflict and confrontation. And I explained the bubbles. But as I set off again, I was stuck in traffic and it looked like I wasn't going to be home in time to do the last minute checks for the handovers. So I ended up having to coordinate a variety of different people, my family, agencies, cleaning staff, and a real up of a situation by somebody involved. And it was left to me because James was on a boat somewhere in the estuary and not able to deal with the situation that he was originally meant to deal with. And as I was being so distracted by this situation and I could feel myself getting more and more stressed and perturbed that, you know, we weren't going to be able to adhere to the standards that we like to in our properties. And my son, who was left to deal with it, was getting more and more upset because he didn't know how to work out the solution. It was getting very heated. And as I was distracted, I was suddenly broken into the moment as suddenly there were a lot of horns blaring and a ginormous, I kid you not, one of those huge juggernauts of a lorry. And its wheel was literally about the same size of my car. And I was a fraction away from hitting it and bouncing into that and then swerving into that wheel and then into the center reservation. And you can only imagine it just felt like my end of life was a millimeter away from it and I was not ready to die. I wasn't ready to go. I've got too much to do. And from that moment, the, the feelings that were in my body from already a state of heightened stress and anxiety and frustration and anger that I had already been feeling that I was having to coordinate. This was just like. And this is enough. Stop. This has got to stop here. This is not good. My rage, perhaps from perimenopausal just like went through the roof. I was shaking, I was frightened, I was let down. There was just. I cannot tell you, I think I felt most of the feelings on the feeding wheel in, in that moment. And it was tough. And I will probably hear those blaring horns and the wobbling of the wheel in the car for a while now. But, you know, I didn't die and I did get home and I did manage to solve the problem. But I was still very angry and I was still shocked. So my response, I had to taper it and I had to hold it because there were certain things that I would have said, and I did say some things that I now regret, but there were some things that I could have said which would have caused deep upset. So there are certain things that I look back on the whole week and the whole scenario and some codes I wanted to share with you in that moment. I knew things had to change. I knew certain things really, really needed to change. And one of the things that perhaps I've said before, and maybe you've heard me say before, but comparison is not the thief of joy. It doesn't have to be the thief of joy. Sometimes comparison can actually be the opportunity to see what you want. And in the conversations that I was having with my best friend on Thursday night, she was talking to me about all the wonderful things that her husband and her children were doing for her 50th. And in comparing her beautiful scenario and situation with mine, I recognised that actually we need to bring a lot more thought and attention and care and respect and appreciation into our relationship. I thought we had some, but I think listening and then that near disaster made me realize that I want more. I want more romance and more love and more joy in our relationships. And what I did realize is that we have been so incredibly busy working and building and sustaining and keeping a dream alive, that perhaps we had missed some of the key parts of what that dream was all about. And that was originally all about love and romance. So that was my first code, that the comparison that I'd been making wasn't a bad thing, but in that moment had made me realise that I wanted more of something. So that was my first code. My second code was that I knew that I had to have a hard conversation with James, my husband, about how I was feeling and what I needed to happen. And when I recognised that some of the things that were coming out of my mouth weren't good, I asked for some space. I said, let's just agree not to agree and not to talk to each other for a weekend. And, you know, that was okay because he was down in Cornwall and was up in Yorkshire, and it was just like, shall we just take a pause? This has been, you know, a really unpleasant situation. Let's just let this dust settle. You go and have a think about what you want, and I'll go and have a think about what I want. It was about allowing ourselves the time and the Patience to focus just on ourselves. Joy moments, right? I needed to take just on you moment for me, and he needed to take a just on you moment for him. It was about learning to feel that stress. And I wanted to read something that I wrote down this morning when I was reflecting on this. The stress that I felt in that moment in the car and then afterwards was at a really seriously high point. And I know that we can all get to that point, but this is what I learned. And actually it's just easier for me to read it out because I think what I wrote there was really good if I do sex it myself. So I think it was recognizing that I was in a super heightened state of stress and probably have been for quite a while. Good stress, maybe not so good stress, but just definitely on high alert, running on empty. And everybody talks about emotional regulation or nervous system regulation. Let's talk about the nervous system. You know, let's be very clear. The nervous system is your stress response. It's our prehistoric response to stressful situations that drive up our cortisol, drive up our adrenaline to be able to keep us fighting for longer. And it shuts down our fertility and it shuts down our digestion because we're not going to be having sex or eating while we're fighting that saber tooth tiger, right? So it is the stress response in our body, that hormonal response, which over a long period of time, that chronic state of stress is not good for us. Heightened adrenaline is not good for your heart. Heightened cortisol just means that you store fat, which is not good. And it's not good to turn off your digestion. And for those of you who want to have children, then turning off your fertility is not a great idea. So what we want to do is we want to be able to recognize that we're in a chronic state of stress. Chronic mean that over a longer period of time than just that heightened state of stress, which is okay for short periods of time. And saying, actually, I need to drop into that parasympathetic state of rest and digest. It's allowing yourself to almost like simmer down. But there's been such a, I don't know, trend to call it nervous system regulation. And I've done a whole podcast in the substack on it. I don't like the word regulation. My husband regulates the. The heating system in our house. I don't believe regulation is for us, but what I do feel is that it's not regulation, but it's an emotional or emotion calming and Soothing. And if I can tailor this to my experience and to the brilliant women that I work with, then. Brilliant women are used to riding high storms and high seas. We're all used to fighting fires in those crashing waves. I look at my life and it's just like this, this orchestra of a variety of different responsibilities in different areas, whether that be parents or teens or work or clients or anything. You know, it's. It's being able to fight those different waves and high seas and actually get a bit of a kick out of it. I think. We do. We do. We love to rage on those high seas. And as we. We cruise and bounce from wave to wave in those highly turbulent seas, we love it. So that when we come into harbour, when we come in to rest and to refuel a little bit, like I did the other week when I came in to go on holiday, what took two weeks on holiday, it took me a while. It takes a while. It's almost like a little bit of a shock to feel that steadiness, to feel that safety, to totally not be used to bouncing on waves up and down. And actually, in a conversation with a client this morning, coming into harbour and not having those waves and firefights to have to deal with can actually mean that there's space for anxiety. You know, she talked about it being crippling, anxiety being totally overwhelming because she has so much time. She's so used to not having time for anxiety and overthinking. It's like, got to get this done, you know, Anxiety, to me is always the worry that we place on an uncertain future. That's how I see anxiety. What am I going to do next? And when we're in safe harbor, it's like, what is going to happen? What are we going to do next? What are we going to do? How do we keep ourselves? What wars are going to be raging when I go back out into the sea? Depression is slightly different. Some people, when they come into harbor after fighting those high seas, depression kicks in. And depression kicks in because of the rumination and the memory of what was, or perhaps what didn't happen. I know that that was my case. It was the loss of a future, it was the loss of what had happened and all the misunderstanding of how it had all gone so wrong, of what you miss. So if we continue with the analogy of the sailors and the ships coming into harbour, it's about learning to be able to feel the calm. It's about being able to sit in those calm marinas, those calm harbours, and I Found that really hard while I was away, but I was just getting used to it. It's about being able to, as I, as I spoke to my client this morning, to be able to sit in the shit of anxiety and be okay with it and get comfortable with it. We get comfortable with raging on those high seas and being buffeted and blown around. We. It becomes a normal. It just becomes normal so that when we come into harbour, it feels really difficult and different. And actually, if you, if you've been sailing, you'll know exactly that when you start to walk on land after being at sea for a few weeks, you're still rocking. So it's about learning to be able to sit with whatever you're feeling without being distracted by the storms raging around you and actually knowing that you're going to be okay in the calmness and, you know, being able to sit with the shit of the feelings and the thoughts and the ideas of what ifs and what won't and whatevers. You know, it's allowing yourself, as my dad always said, you know, to sit in the. That you would throw on the roses because it's the shit that replenishes the rose to make it go strong. So where am I going with this? It's about allowing yourself to know that you can come in and not. Let's not regulate, please, let's just allow yourself to sit and steady your feelings. It's almost like having a bowl of water. If you can imagine having a bowl of water in front of you and agitating it and then just putting it on the surface and just letting it settle, just let it settle. It's about allowing yourself to feel the peace and settle yourself, soothe yourself. And then when you do decide to go back out of the harbour and back out into those high seeds, you're going out because you want the fun of the roller coaster, not because you need it, it. Because it was normal and it made you feel safe. It's not for fun. You can come into the harbour and know that you're going to be okay and you can come into rest because it doesn't mean you're not a good sailor. I think that's one of the things that I learned from that was coming into harbour. Coming to rest means that I'm not good at what I'm doing and it doesn't at all. It actually just means I need a rest. So that was one of the things I really, really learned was this whole allowing yourself to settle when you're in stress and for asking for that Time to allow myself to settle. And so that by the time I was ready to have the conversation, it no longer felt like it was going to be one of confrontation or one of conflict. So here comes code three. When you allow yourself to create the calm within you, when you allow yourself to settle the conflict, the rage, the feelings within you, and when you bring peace to the conversation rather than provocation, there is no conflict, there is no confrontation. There is just the ability to come in and be open to hear both sides of the story. When you're too busy raging in your mind, when you're too busy with that conflict and that confrontation or expecting that conflict and that confrontation, you bring that to the table. That's what you'll be met with. With. When you walk in with peace and not provocation, when you walk in with calm and not confrontation, you're going to be able to have those calm conversations. Even though they might be difficult, they're going to be much calmer because you can have that opportunity to say what you need to say and listen to what they need to say. And so that the only thing you need to have the conversation about is actually, what are we going to do from here going forward? What's the solution? So that was my code three. It's confrontation and conflict only happens when you haven't done the work to calm your own emotions before. You have those harder conversations. So what happened next? That the conversation that we had was incredibly calm. And we both spoke our piece, and we both talked about, you know, where we felt we'd gone wrong, what we wanted, what we'd learned from this situation. We're grateful for the situation, for showing us what we needed to see. And actually, what we realized was that we have been working incredibly hard to keep a dream that we once dreamt a long time ago alive, and that we've forgotten to dream beyond the dream. So I am incredibly grateful. Thirty years ago, James and I lay on a beach in Fiji, and we talked about the fact that we wanted to have the most wonderful family that was on the cards for us. We were 21, 22. I think we knew by then. We wanted to have a family. We wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We wanted to be able to give our family the best education possible. We wanted to be able to create a beautiful home. We wanted to create financial independence. We want to be able to create the freedom of our own life for choice and travel, to be the masters of our own lives in our own destinations. And we've done that. We've done that. It took us 30 years. But you know what? It's not about the time. It's done. We've done it. And now we're so focused on trying to keep it as it is when there's so much around us that's changing. You know, our boys are about to leave home. So what next? People talk about empty nesting. I've started to bandy around the thought that it's not empty nesting. It's joynesting. And I'm so here for the joynesting. Joy nesting is a concept where I think it's just on you. As our children are leaving, I get the opportunity to focus on me, just on me again. And so that while I'm joyful and enjoying my life, when my boys come home, we get to talk about their adventures, but I get to talk about mine, not just the fact that I've been sitting on the sofa waiting. To hear from them and live through them is our time. So James and I both recognize that that's where we need to focus. What's next? We've hit this massive milestone, and we've never really given ourselves that opportunity to think about what's next. So that's what we're doing. It's. We're focusing on what do we want to do when our boys leave home? What does that next 10 years, that next decade, that next two decades look like for us? What do we want to be doing when we're 60? What do we want to be doing when we're 70? Where do we want to be when our children have children of their own? What do we want to be doing? And what do we want to do between the. Between there and now? So that is allowing us the ability to dream again and to let go of the current dream. And that's okay, because the dream is done, and we can let it go. What does it look like? I don't know. We don't even know what that dream is. But I know, having spoken to my own coach last night through this, it was a reminder that actually, sometimes you just need to create the means for the manifestation. When I know what that is, what I want to manifest, what I want to dream. So over the course of the next week, I am going back to my own drawing board of how I dream, of how I unlock my dreams, the process that James and I will be going through to think about what we want to do next, the questions we'll be asking ourselves, and how we can walk ourselves through that. And so while I'm going to End this podcast here. I hope that that has given you some food for thought, I suppose, and perhaps if you're living in a very similar situation, as I know many of my listeners are, come back next week. Because this is almost like a mini series. This was the first part. Big piece of my code landed. I'm going to do something sharing it with you right now. Now I'm going to go away and do some work on the dreaming and the blueprinting and the ideas. And I just, quote, just popped into my head, you know, dreams are postcards from the future. We just have to look at them. And I want to go and gather some of my postcards from the future and bring them in in here for you next week. So next week come back with your pens and your papers, because I'm going to take you through my own very clear process. And I just want to refine it. I've noted it down for myself this morning, what I want to do, but I actually want to go away and do it so I can come back with some real tangible examples for you next week so that you can start to unlock the power of those dreams. And why is this important? And I was just so excited to realize this is happening now because when I come back next week, it will be the 31st of July. And that is going to be a really powerful week for you to start to do that blueprinting, that manifestation blueprinting. Because the following week, when I release the next podcast will be 7 August, which is the day before the Lionsgate portal, which is the 8th of the 8th. And I have the most incredible meditation visualization that I recorded a few years ago when I was doing running a live manifestation program. And it is the one that I go back to. It is the one that many of my clients still ask me for, who did it all that time ago. And so I'm going to be leaving that with you on the seventh. So a little bit of a miniseries. The code drops today, the practical work next week, and then the week after, I'm going to give you the meditation that you can have. So when you wake up on the 8th of the 8th, which is the Lionsgate portal, which is an incredible manifesting portal, it's often called Lionsgate. It's absolutely beautiful. Very, very powerful. It's almost like when the. I don't know just when kind of like between us and the spiritual world in my mind is like, there's us here on this real life, tangible existence, and then there's one where it's just energetic. And it's the one where we get to cross over. It's the. The veil between the two is at its thinner. So it's about projecting and posting all of your dreams and your ideas and wishing and hoping and imagining is when we can connect with the. The spirit energies to help us realize what it is that we want in our real lives. So that will land on the 8th of the 8th to guide you through that visualization, that activation, that manifestation process, but in a way where you've already done a lot of the strategic work already, the fact that you've already been through and almost determined what it is that you want to create, so that then when you've done that kind of like human practical work, you then get to go and do it on a spiritual, energetic plane by using the guided visualization which will land on the seventh so that you've got it ready for the eighth. But then next week I'm going to take you through kind of like that workshopping process. So subconscious work on the 8th, the conscious work we're going to do next week. So I hope you're going to enjoy this little process and this mini series and a little bit of a break and then we'll go back and have those stories of inspiration as well, because I've got some really, really beautiful rebels and some guests lined up for, for you to hear and to listen to. So thank you for listening. I hope you really enjoyed the codes that landed for me and I hope they help you in some small way. I'm always here to listen, to respond. Come find me whether you're on the socials. I'll leave all the links on how you can contact me below, but lots of love. See you next time. My mission is to spread love, joy, peace and abundance to as much of the world as I possibly can, so that every person knows that they don't have to walk alone in their darkness. So if you've enjoyed today's podcast and this episode, I would be so honoured and happy if you would support my mission and share this with your network, your friends and your family. Please feel free to leave me an honest review on Apple or Spotify. And until next time, remember, the ripple of joy starts with you.