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Welcome to the Joy Broadcast. I'm Ali Mortimer, joy coach, mentor, and life confidant, and I'm here to tell you something that might surprise you. Joy is not fluffy. Joy isn't frivolous. Joy is not the reward you get after you've ticked all the boxes. Joy is the only strategy you will ever need. It's your competitive edge, your antidote, and your super attractor. It's the power that creates miracles and makes life feel like magic. In my life, joy is the acronym for just on you. Because you matter. Your joy matters, your life matters, and it's time to act like it. Whether you're in the dark with nothing or at the top with everything, and it's feeling so overwhelming, joy is always the answer. Joy is a strategy for every era of your life. And this podcast is the space for women in the boardroom, in business, and those women who are running the show at home. This is your reminder to choose Joy not as a reward, but the strategy that gives you your competitive edge, the energy that will expand to give you the capacity to hold everyone and everything. Now, before we begin today's broadcast, I have an invitation for you. If you would like to go deeper to prioritize your joy, come and join me in the Joy Rebellion. It's my membership where I invite you to align to Joy every single week and where I support you in clearing the path when it's hard. Or work with me in Brilliance, my mentorship for women who want to bring brilliance to the boardroom because they feel fabulous in the bedroom and in their body. But right now and every week on this podcast, I going to be bringing you the ideas, the stories and the strategies to make Joy your lifestyle, your strategy, your North Star. This is the Joy Broadcast. Let's go. Hello and welcome back to the Joy Broadcast. This week, I'm doing something a little bit different. On Wednesdays when I normally record my podcast, I'm actually at a wonderful event at the beautiful venue of Grantly hall, which is literally two minutes from where I live, and for a charity that I think is one of the most wonderful ones that we have in the UK at the moment. It's called Smart Smart Works. If you've never heard of it, please go and check it out. I'll drop the link in the show notes, but really, it is a charity across the country, and I support smartworks needs because they are obviously my nearest city, but it's really all about helping women get back into the workplace when perhaps they've had some time out or they've had a loss in confidence. And the wonderful women on the board and the committee of smartworks, they're just lovely, lovely ladies who I've gotten to know through going through some of the networking in and around Leeds and Harrogate and York. And they are putting on an event at Grantly hall and they asked me to come and speak. And originally I was going to go and speak about Joy, but they decided to change the event to be more about confidence, which I think is much more in line with their brief, their brand. And I'm really excited to go and talk about it and talk about confidence because confidence is often something that I talk a lot with in many of my client sessions. It's also something that I have lost and also found. So I thought what I would do today being a Monday, not the Wednesday, because I'm going to be at Grantly hall on Wednesday, I would do a little bit of a dress rehearsal. So I have written my speech, I've made my notes, I've got my slides. They're really beautiful. And I thought I would come in and share this because this will go out after the event itself. And I know that the content of what I'm going to be sharing on Wednesday live on stage is going to be incredibly powerful for so many people who are not able to join at Grantly hall because they don't live nearby or maybe they just can't come. But we are going to be talking about how we can use Joy to help you build your confidence. The title and the name of the event is the Confidence Code. And I love that that is what I'm going to be talking about now. I love it because code is something that I used to do an awful lot of. My first career was all about coding. My first job, I learned how to code SQL plus and then went on many, many projects to do a lot of different code. And I saw coding in the IT space changed an awful lot all the way through the end of the 90s into the noughties and then obviously into the twenties. But it was really interesting because that's what my job was all about. It was about code. What I also love is that the word code means it's important, but it also tells you that confidence isn't just an accident. Confidence isn't something that you get by luck. Confidence isn't something that some women have and some women don't have. The fact that it's a code to me gets me all excited because a code can be cracked and a code can be rewritten. So, as I said, once upon a time, I was an IT consultant. I used to program IT systems in the retail industry to function better. And now what I feel, I really do is with women, with people, is I help them recode code their hearts and their minds and their lives to feel and to live better. So coding, programming is all the same. It's information that we get to crack, that we get to rewrite. Now, sometimes I don't always think in code. Now that I've moved on from my corporate coding career, I like to think in terms of definitions and recipes. I like to think in equations. And I really feel that confidence isn't necessarily a mystery that you've got to resolve. It's actually a recipe with specific ingredients. And when you know the ingredients, then you can make that confidence recipe cake anytime you like. So that's what I'm going to be sharing in the talk on Wednesday. And what I thought I would share with you, I'm going to take you through when I sat down with my notepad and paper and I just said, you know, what is the confidence code? What is my confidence code? What has brought me confidence after I had none? And so I'm going to take everybody through that on Wednesday and you today when it lands in your streaming. So there are five things that I want to share with you today that have helped me create my confidence. And then obviously there's going to be one thing that binds them all together. I bet you can guess what that is. That one thing is joy, because joy is your significant confident code. Now, I keep alluding to the fact that I lost my confidence and I did. You know, I haven't always been the woman that you get to see on social media who's very, very confident speaking about joy and life and love and all of the trimmin things. I haven't always been the woman who's been confident enough to stand on front of stages to talk about joy or anything particular. You know, often I was quite the opposite. And obviously 10 years ago, I was really in a very, very dark place and I had nothing. And that included having no confidence at all. I just separated from James, my husband. My mum had died. I'd left that corporate career. I had two very small little boys. I was still really feeling like I was learning how to be a mum, let alone a good one. I didn't really have a clear plan, I didn't have a team, I didn't have a map, I didn't have a title, I didn't have a massive paycheck anymore. And I didn't really know who I was anymore without all of the things that I had had. And I'd lost all of my confidence because I felt like I was no longer the woman that I was. And I didn't know who I was going to be or who I was at the time. So I had to build that confidence, really, from nothing to create something, I had to create it from scrat. I was feeling like I was in the middle of the wilderness, in the darkness, and there was no one around to help me. So in that darkness, I really did learn an awful lot about myself. Because when you're left with nothing, you can actually see very, very clearly what real ingredients are on, what it really matters. And when you don't have anybody else to rely on, when everything has been stripped away, you've got no title to hide behind, nobody else to live through, you know, no. No salary to validate you, no husband to define you and tell you what you're meant to do, no mum to call to find out what you need to know. You just have you in that having of nothing. I think I found the recipe for so much of the joy that I've created in my life. And part of that was confidence. So I realized that it was always inside me. I just couldn't always hear it because of the noise of everything else. I was being told that I was meant to be, you know, And I didn't find joy because life got good. Life got good because I found joy. And the recipe I'm going to give you is one that I really found my way into. And all the ingredients have so much to do with joy and to do with confidence. And I know it works because all of this has built me from the ground up, from nothing, into the person who you hear in your ears on the podcast, who you see online, whose substacks you read, who you hear and see on stages, you know. So, shall we get going with those five ingredients? Get your pens ready. So the first one, when I thought about this ingredients, and they're all layers, and you can pick them, whatever order you want to put them in, but this is how they came to me. The first one is inner strength. This ingredient, the inner strength. And the easiest way that I can describe this, and as I always love to use an analogy, is using the peach and the egg. If you think about an egg, an egg is really hard on the outside, and it's very, very soft and runny on the inside. It looks kind of robust. It looks like it can Take an awful lot and you have to crack it quite hard to crack the shell. But once that's gone, there's nothing else holding what's inside it together. And there's really no way of putting an egg back together. And a peach is completely the opposite. If you look at it, you know, it's very soft and very juicy on the outside. It can be bruised, it can be cut, it's very vulnerable. But you know what, when you eat into the middle of that peach, there's a rock hard stone. That stone is so solid, you know, you can drop it, you can slice it, you can squeeze it, you can bruise it, you can throw it, but you cannot break that inner core. You just can't. And to me, that's a really beautiful, significant image to help you understand what confidence is and how you start to create it. And it starts to be created from the inside, you know, the inside, not the outside like the egg. It's not something that you create around yourself in fear of it cracking. And you live all the time protecting yourself in fear of it cracking. You start to build that inner confidence right from the inside. You know, you people can break me. They can talk about me, they can gossip about me, they can throw stones at me, they can throw things at me, but they won't break me because my confidence is so bloody rock strong from the inside. And you know, the thing about inner strength is that you're not going to get it from a job title. You're not going to get it from outside sources. You're not going to get it by being married. You're not going to be because you're in a committed relationship. You're not going to get it because how big your bank balance is, you're not going to get it from the labels that you have on your wardrobe or the postcard or the postcode. Sorry. That you, you live at. You get it from knowing that whatever happens to you outside of you in life, you will be okay. Whatever happens. You know, if you have to move house, if you lose a partner, if you lose your job, if you lose all the money, you are still strong enough to know that you will weather any storm. That's where the confidence begins. No matter what happens, I will be okay because I trust and I believe in myself. I've got that inner strength within me. I've got me, I've got my back. I'm not relying on anyone. That is your ingredient one. And it starts with that awareness. And when we start with that awareness that you can build it from within. Everything else is going to just add to it. We're going to add in the other ingredients that are going to help strengthen that for you. So the second ingredient is self leadership. Being able to lead yourself. Not relying on anybody else to tell you what to do and where to go. You know, I want to talk about this one really carefully because I think when I was writing this, I think why do so many women fear having that self confidence, that self belief or that self leadership? And I often think that many women confuse confidence with arrogance. Nobody wants to be arrogant, so I want to really dispel that kind of myth right now. That confidence of leading yourself with absolute certainty is not arrogance. And the reason why you can tell the difference is this confidence. To me, when I have that definition of what is confidence? When I think about confidence, confidence is I know who I am, I know what I stand for, I know what I'm here for. I actually quite like myself and I like myself and I know I've got something I can offer and I can share with other people. And if you know where I'm going and, and how I'm going to go there, then you can follow me. And I'm going to help you get there too, if that's what you want too. It's, it's more about being in service. Whereas arrogance just says, watch me, look at me, I'm better than you. You know, one is a lighthouse, confidence is a lighthouse. Come this way, follow me, let's go. And the other is somebody in a spotlight wanting everybody to look at them. You know, this lighthouse stands still and lets other ships find their way because of the light that she's shining in a spotlight just means that everybody look at me. Everybody look at me. Whereas confidence serves a room, Arrogance is all about self service. Confidence says follow me. Arrogance says watch me. So can you see that there's a very fine line and you get to choose how you lead yourself and therefore lead others as well. So take that from this section. If you're worried about being arrogant, you probably aren't being arrogant at all. Because arrogant people don't worry about being arrogant. They're too busy being arrogant and wanting everyone to look at them. So the fact that you're sitting here worried about whether your confidence is going to come across in the wrong way is probably the very start of the proof that it's not going to be so. Self leadership is actually the ability to lead yourself first to know that you're going to lead yourself to where you want to go to Know yourself well enough that you're going to show up for other people. And when you do that, people don't follow you because you're shouting. They're following you because you make them feel safe, make them feel heard, make them feel inspired. I know that I have self leadership. I know where I'm going, I'm leading myself, and I'd love to be able to share where I'm going with you and how I'm going to get there to give you confidence, too. That's ingredient two, self leadership, the difference in knowing between confidence and arrogance. So here we have the third ingredient. I love this ingredient. This is courage. The third ingredient is courage. And again, I think that this can be misunderstood as well, because I sometimes think that many people think that courage means being fearless or unafraid. We often think that the women who are confident and courageous are the women who walk into boardrooms or onto stages or into new chapters of their life without any fear. But that's not courage. That's just denial. Courage is walking with fear. And this is something I feel really, really strongly about. And I've written a whole blog post and even done a whole podcast on it. Last week's podcast was all about the word imposter. I don't like to use the word imposter or imposter syndrome. I don't like it because of the very word imposter is just telling your brain to not let or not let that in, don't listen. You know, imposters are people we don't want to let in that they shouldn't be there. Don't invite them in. But actually what we want to do is invite fear, because fear isn't a liar. Fear is just information that's incredibly important and incredibly valid. So this is what I want you to do. Go and listen to last week's podcast for a start. But also just recognize that you can start to treat fear like a member of your life board, not the chair of the board, not the loudest voice on the board. But fear is to absolutely have a seat at every single table if you want to lead yourself confidently with courage. So if you're setting yourself a big goal or a small goal, if you're going into an interview with whatever, you know, you may have some fears. You're going into the unknown of something when. When I'm about to do something that's a little bit unknown and I'm a bit scared because I don't know about it, it's not about silencing the fears. It's about saying, come on in, fears. Let's have a sit down, let's have a conversation and tell me what you're worried about, what could go wrong? What do I need to mitigate? What should I do if this happens? Let's do a pre mortem on what might go wrong so that we can make sure that we can make sure it goes right, because it matters to me. And that's exactly what fear is so good at. Project management. I remember when I was an IT consultant, it was my job to be the cynic. It was the one to go and look for all of the holes and the problems of why it's not going to work, to play it out as a dress rehearsal, to find the bits that need work a little bit. Why I'm recording this podcast today. So fear is going to tell you every single thing that could go wrong. And if you let it speak, you can absolutely plan for those things. You can mitigate and you can prepare. You don't have to be blindsided. You know, the anxiety comes from not knowing. So you can use your fears to say, well, come on, tell me, what am I worried about? And let's put a plan in place. The problem isn't that we have fear. The problem is that we let fear sit in our subconscious and we let it make the decisions on our behalf without knowing. So fear in the subconscious is going to run you in the wrong direction, away from your dreams and your goals. So having fear in your conscious, at your board of your table, is going to free you and liberate you. So invite fear in, because this is true courage. It's going to help you walk forward. You know, I always say that whenever you have a big dream, you've got to walk hand in hand with the big dream and the fear that comes along with it. Courage isn't. I'm not afraid. Courage isn't fearlessness. Courage is. I am afraid, and I'm going to go anyway. And I bought fear with me because she's useful and she keeps me safe and she keeps my eyes wide open. I have courage. It's one of my values, and that's really, really important. That's ingredient number three. Ingredient number four. I struggle to know what to call this one, but I'm going to go with truth. The fourth ingredient is truth. Because you can't lead yourself and you can't use courage. And you can't be a peach if you don't know what's true for you. You've got to know the truth of where you are, who you are and what you're doing. And it's often the bit that many of us miss. We're trying to build confidence on the top of somebody else's values, on somebody else's version of success, somebody else's idea of who we should be. And we wonder why we feel so fragile, because it's all based on somebody else's opinions and thoughts, so that they could change anytime. Confidence is built on borrowed trip. Sorry. Confidence built on borrowed truth is an egg every time. So I want to introduce you to something very briefly that I do with my clients. It's an exercise all around identity and values. It's about getting very clear on your values that are actually yours, not ones you've inherited or been conditioned into believing. And it's fundamentally the foundation of everything I teach. And if you're listening to this on the podcast, then go back two episodes where I take you through exactly what to do in order to help you determine your values. I'm not going to run the whole exercise because I think it deserves more time, but, you know, it can really give you an idea of what to do. So the question I would ask, if you really want to know how to determine your values, is what's the one word you would want somebody to use about you when you're not in the room? What would you want people to say about you when they can't use anything like job title or the colour of your hair? If you've got a pad in some somewhere with you or close by, then just start to write those down and hold on to that word and perhaps a collection of those words because that word is so important. And then that's what's going to start you, help and help you understand what all of your values are. So if you haven't listened to, not last week, but the week before, go and listen to that one as well. It had such incredible feedback. The Values podcast and how these really are the anchors of your confidence. Not only are they the anchors of your confidence because they anchor you in your truth, but they're also the activation for you every day to say, I know who I am. This is what I'm going to do. This is how I'm going to lead myself. And whatever happens to me today, these are the. These are the key values that I live by. They are also your antidote. So when people do get out their knives and they start to slash you and bite you and hit you, you're like, well, I know that I've acted in alignment with my values. So you can't really hurt me. And that gives you confidence as well. So truth and values is ingredient four. Ingredient five is power. And not necessarily the power in terms of power and aggression. This is the part where I talk to you about joy and tell you that joy is not fluff, but joy is absolute physics. It's chemistry and it's biology, it's science. Now, I had to find a way to explain joy and the science of joy years ago because every time I talked about joy to people, they just thought I was talking about positive thinking and high vibe. And you know, positive thinking is mental. Joy is so much more than that. It's spiritual, it's scientific, it's measurable. Joy's physics. And I wanted to show you, and I have shown you many times about the Hawkins scale of consciousness. Again, I will leave an image in the show notes for you listening. But it's a wonderful scale that helps you understand that every single human emotion has a vibrational frequency. It was developed by a psychiatrist called Dr. David Hawkins. And what he determined is exactly that every human emotion has a measurable frequency, an actual vibration like the frequency waves on the radio station that you can tune into. At the bottom of the scale you've got some of the heavier human emotions that are incredibly valid. Guilt, shame, apathy, fe lower frequencies, they often slow you down, they make you feel nervous, they make you feel heavy, you don't want to move. But yet on the other end of the scale, we've got peace, joy, love and enlightenment. The lighter ones, they're much, much higher frequencies that mean that we're lighter, that we can move. These are the magnetic frequencies that are very, very attractive. You know, every single frequency has a different operating frequency. You can't make confidence decisions from fearful frequencies. And you can't leave really from shame, you can't leave from AP or guilt. You have to power yourself up first. And we do that by tuning in to those higher frequencies. And it's not overriding the lower ones. It's about accepting that perhaps I'm not feeling so great today. It's about tuning in and saying I'm aware and I'm acceptant that I'm frightened or I'm sad or I'm angry. And I'm going to allow those emotions to flow through me and then I'm going to start to dial myself back up into those higher frequencies frequencies, you know, into the most powerful ones. Because ultimately those high frequency ones are the most powerful ones. They are going to power you. They're going to create this beautiful aura and magnetic aura around you. But not only that, they will give you that lightness, that freedom, that energy to do things that you want to do. When you're stuck in fear or shame or doubt, you feel heaven. You can't move, so you want to move yourself into that joy space so that you can move. It's the most practical thing you'll ever learn to have that power, to be able to know that whatever frequency you are on in terms of your emotions, you can move yourself through those frequencies. So those are your five ingredients. But the most important thing that I want you to remember is this. Now, out of inner strength, self leadership, courage, truth and power, you've got those five ingredients. But really you need something that's going to bind them all together. And that binding ingredient is joy. Because joy isn't just simply that feeling. Joy is not only just that frequency and that number on the Hawkins scale. Joy is a strategy and a practice. Joy is the question you get to ask yourself every day. What would joy do? How would joy work through this? How would I work through this? Joy is the answer to almost every single question. And joy stands for just on you. J O y Joy just on you. You've got to go back to just on you. Your inner strength, your self leadership, your courage, your fears, your truth, your power, your frequency. It's all on you. So you've got to come back to that joy just on you strategy to work out where you want to go. That's what's going to give you confidence. What do I want? How do I feel? What do I need? How can I give it to myself? It's not selfish. This is the radical self responsibility. The responsibility that turns all of those ingredients that I talked about into confidence and into living a confident life. Because if you're not just on you, then you're just on everybody else. And you can't build inner strength, self leadership, courage, truth and power on a foundation that's built on somebody else's information frequencies. You have absolutely no control over that. Joy is never the reward for getting confident. Joy is the practice that makes confidence inevitable. Oh, that's a good line, isn't it? Let's make sure that we say that one loud. Joy isn't the reward for getting confident. Joy is the practice that makes confidence inevitable. When every day you ask yourself, what? What do I need today just on me. Just on you, Joy. Remember Joy. And then every single ingredient in the recipe is going to get to work. What do I need today? Where Am I leading myself today? What is holding me back today? Courage and fear, all of these things. What is the truth of who I am? Let me act in alignment with that. How am I powering myself up today? What am I feeling? Every single thing starts with joy. You, you are the code for your confidence. So I want to leave you just with one last thought. I think a lot about that 90 year old version of me, that 93 year old version of me. And she sees where I am today and she looks back and reflects on what I'm doing at the moment. You know, speaking my truth about joy, speaking my passions, my truth, my experience, sharing my knowledge, sharing my experience of real hardship and sharing that with others. And she's cheering me on. I do it for her. I'm doing it for her in the moment and she's looking back and she's celebrating me. And when I think of her in the future, she gives me the confidence to do what I need to do in the present today. I think that's a really powerful thing. So I gave 10 years ago, 10, the version of me 10 years ago, confidence because she could see me and who I am today. Even though I didn't know specifically what I was going to be doing, I knew that in 10 years I would be okay and I would find my confidence and I would have confidence in the life that I was living. And that confidence came because I believed that life could be better. And I gave myself that permission to go and create it. And the confidence grew little by little over time. So I want to leave you with just these three Joy. You are your confidence code. You, Joy stands for just on you. And you've always, always had the power deep within you to do it. You just need to access that. Thank you for listening to today. That was fun. I really enjoyed sharing that and I'm so looking forward to sharing that with the audience in Grantly hall on Wednesday. I would love to hear from you. Are you loving this new series of the podcast? Have you enjoyed the values? Have you enjoyed the one about fears? Have you enjoyed this one about confidence? And is there a particular feeling or a particular challenge that you are working on that you'd like to talk to me about or have me riff on on one of these podcasts? Costs. I'm looking forward to hearing from you. Do come find me. Do email me Ali Mortimer.com Lots of love. My mission is to spread love, joy, peace and abundance to as much of the world as I possibly can so that every person knows that they don't have to walk alone in their darkness. So if you've enjoyed today's podcast and this episode, I'll be so honored and happy if you would support my mission and share this with your network, your friends, and your family. Please feel free to leave me an honest review on Apple or Spotify. And until next time, remember, the ripple of joy starts with you.