Joy, love & nostalgia with "Boo & Bambi!"

Summary

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The JOY Broadcast with Ali Mortimer

Episode: Joy, love & nostalgia with "Boo & Bambi!"
Date: February 9, 2026
Host: Ali Mortimer (the JOY Coach)
Guest: Her sister, Alex (“Bambi Bird”/“Bams”)

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Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into the themes of joy, love, nostalgia, and sisterhood as Ali invites her sister, Alex (a.k.a. Bambi or Bams), to share heartfelt memories, laughter, and candid reflections. Set against the backdrop of their recent trip to the Maldives to celebrate Ali’s 50th birthday, the sisters explore what brings them joy, how they navigate loss, and the quirks that make their bond special. Using a “300 Questions” game, they reveal insights about nostalgia, life’s turning points, the impact of motherhood, and the lessons learned from loss.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Unique Sister Bond

• Ali introduces Bambi, describing her as her lifelong rock and the person who brings out a different side of her. This episode promises a look behind the usual “JOY Coach” persona, showcasing the chemistry and differences between the sisters.
• Quote (02:26, Bambi): “We sound so alike. No one's gonna be able to tell who's talking.”

2. Nostalgia and Family Memories

• The sisters jump into questions about nostalgia, discussing what triggers it for them—songs, smells, and anniversaries of loved ones.
  • Ali (03:33): “Songs, I think, or smells. Songs and smells make me feel nostalgic... it was obviously the anniversary of Mum dying this week... Anything by Elvis will make me think of her and that makes me nostalgic.”
  • Bambi (04:02): “Smells. Probably a really strong one for me. Yeah. I don't think I get as nostalgic as you. I think I take after Dad and can leave the past in the past.”
• They share childhood stories (boarding school, funny bathroom anecdotes), illustrating how memories are often clearer and more meaningful when shared.

3. Life Defining Moments and Loss

• Discussing what changed their worldview, both agree that their mother’s death was a pivotal moment.
  • Ali (21:08): “Mum dying, interestingly, massively for me… I remember just thinking in 2016... do you know what? I've got one life, you know, we've got to live it.”
• The experience of motherhood is another major life change, bringing both immense joy and responsibility.
  • Ali (08:59): “The experience of seeing and holding Tom for the first time and being a mum… you can never describe that first feeling of holding your first child.”
  • Bambi (10:04): “What I do remember... is probably that closeness with Rich during that time… I don't think I've ever felt so close to someone going, you know, going through something that was quite traumatic...”

4. Humor, Quirks & Daily Joys

• The conversation is peppered with laughter and honest, unfiltered sharing about personal quirks:
  • Running jokes about Ali’s “toilet anxiety” (06:57), traveling pants, and the sisters’ ability to laugh at themselves.
  • Ali (12:18): “If you’re in my body, definitely don’t eat any kind of bean. Otherwise you will just literally bloat and fart throughout the day. Is that too much information?”

5. Imagining Different Futures

• The sisters dream about what they’d do if they suddenly inherited money, with candid reflections on their priorities.
  • Ali (14:45): “A hundred thousand pounds would help us finish our house... If we had 10 million... we would always just use it to have a lot of fun in the best way we possibly could.”
  • Bambi (16:19): “I'd be ringing you and say, do you want to go back to Maldives for two months? No kids, no husbands, just us again.”

6. Regrets, Kids, and Worries for the Future

• Ali says she lives to avoid regrets by using tools of perspective-shifting and staying conscious about her actions.
  • Ali (27:13): “I don’t think I have any regrets because I’ve lived to make sure that I don’t have regrets.”
• Bambi shares common feelings of guilt over “not spending enough quality time” with her kids, and both sisters discuss anxieties over their children’s future in an uncertain world.

7. The Search for Empathy & Self-Care

• Bambi reflects on transitioning from a more judgmental attitude to empathy:
  • Bambi (33:43): “I think... someone said something to me... You don't know what kind of morning that mother had... I think it's just that kind of change from being quite a judgmental person to being a much more empathetic person.”
  • Ali (32:11): “JOY is the acronym for just on you. You have to spend some time every single day focusing just on yourself so that you can expand your capacity...”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On changing after loss:
  • Ali (21:08): “Mum dying massively for me... I remember just thinking... we have one life, you know, we’ve got to live it.”
• On describing the unique experience of meeting your child:
  • Ali (09:01): “The experience of seeing and holding Tom for the first time... I don’t think you can ever describe that first feeling... quite a unique experience of just overwhelming love.”
• On travel memories and quirks:
  • Bambi (08:43): “But I’ve got my comfy pants on. And you were so upset that you put your comfy travelling pants on, wasted them on a day.”
• On the importance of walking (and self-care):
  • Ali (13:55): “Go for a walk. I think going for a walk is totally underrated. I love my walks. I don’t like it when I can’t walk.”
• On teaching children about the future:
  • Ali (24:46): "As long as we teach them to be good human beings, kind human beings that can think for themselves, that can create relationships, you know, we've got to set them up with the right morals and ethics, haven't we?"
• On regrets and parenting:
  • Bambi (28:11): “I think probably not spending enough quality time with the kids.”
• On empathy and judgment:
  • Bambi (33:43): “You just have to think what kind of morning has that mother had where she's had to bribe her kids with ice creams... I think it's just that kind of change from being quite a judgmental person to being a much more empathetic person.”
• Ali’s mission:
  • (36:21): “My mission is to spread love, joy, peace and abundance to as much of the world as I possibly can, so that every person knows that they don't have to walk alone in their darkness.”

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Memorable Timestamps

• 00:01–02:26 – Ali introduces the theme, her sister, and their Maldives adventure
• 03:30–05:51 – Nostalgia: Songs, smells, and the anniversary of their mother’s death
• 08:59–11:37 – The unique love of becoming a mother; birth stories
• 12:03–14:35 – Humorous “stranger inhabiting your body” and self-deprecating banter
• 14:45–17:20 – Fantasizing about newfound wealth; priorities and dreams
• 21:08–24:04 – Reflections on loss, mortality, and life perspective shifts
• 24:46–26:41 – Fears about the future for their children
• 27:13–29:07 – Regrets (or lack thereof) and parenting pressure
• 33:43–35:01 – Mantras and the evolution from judgment to empathy

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Closing Reflections

The warmth, humor, and authenticity shared between Ali and Bambi make this a heartwarming episode filled with relatable moments about family, loss, joy, and self-compassion. Their conversation encourages listeners to savor the present, cherish relationships, invest in self-care, and strive for empathy both with oneself and others.

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Enduring message:
“JOY is the acronym for just on you. You have to spend some time every single day focusing just on yourself so that you can expand your capacity to hold everything else that you've got going on in your life.” — Ali (32:11)

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Transcript

[A]

Welcome to the Joy Broadcast with me, Ali Mortimer. I was once upon a time an IT consultant, recoding systems in the retail industry to function better. And now I'm turned a life consultant and joy coach where I'd like to think I reprogram and recode hearts, minds, souls and lives to feel better. This podcast, the Joy Broadcast, is a way to bring joy to your life, whatever the weather, whatever you're doing. So you feel a pocket or of positivity in every single day. If, like me, you've once upon a time found yourself wondering whether you will ever be happy again or if you're just staring at the kitchen sink wondering how you'll get through the next 10 minutes, this podcast is for you. Get you a glimmer of hope, a dose of happiness, or an infusion of joy right here, right now. Welcome to the Joy Broadcast. Welcome back to the Joy Broadcast. And today. I have an incredibly special, special guest today. And it's the month of February. We're just launching into February, and I always think February is the month of love. And everyone talks about love and relationships and romance, but I think it goes deeper than that for me now. It's about those deeper, meaningful connections and relationships that we have with everyone, everyone in our life. And I have a very special connection with my sister. And for those of you who follow me on social media, you will have seen the great adventures of Boo and Bambi. Bambi very kindly said yes to join me on my trip to the Maldives for my 50th because my husband couldn't and my boys were at school. But we had the most amazing time and we did have all the best intentions to record a podcast from our sun loungers out in the Maldives. Unfortunately, I got a touch of the Delhi belly, so we're now here we are. I'm so excited to have this conversation with you. I think what you're going to see is an insight and probably a different side to me because she brings out something very different in me because we are so, so incredibly different. She's been my rock throughout my whole life. She's always been there for as long as I can remember. I mean, even when we went away to the Maldives, she printed us out the itinerary and told me exactly what I needed to bring and what I needed to. To do in order to be able to go away on holiday with her and how we were going to act. And she made it truly, truly special. She really, really did. I'll probably refer to her as Bambi Bird. Many, many different things. But to anyone who knows her, who doesn't know me will know her as Alex Bams. Welcome to the Joy Broadcast.

[B]

We sound so alike. No one's gonna be able to tell who's talking.

[A]

No, I know. That's so true. I know, because Mum and Dad always used to say, didn't they? They would just have to wait until we started to have a conversation with them before they actually knew who they were speaking to. Because we both used to say, hi, it's me. And they'd be like, oh, wonder which one it is.

[B]

I remember ringing them up from school crying, saying that I thought I'd failed my maths exam and it was really hard and I didn't think I'd passed it. And they said, but, oh, don't worry, it's only a mock, Ali. No, it was the real thing because I was taking my gcse. I was talking to you for ages.

[A]

Oh, no, that's so funny. Bams, you have already organized this podcast for us. You've got 300 questions. Bambi sent me an email saying, right, here's 300 questions for the Joy Broadcast. I'm not sure we'll get through 300, and I think you know anyone who's listening. You can maybe answer these questions yourself, get to know yourself, or maybe do them with a partner and get to know them.

[B]

Okay, well, I'm going to flip through and you say, stop.

[A]

Okay, stop.

[B]

What always makes you nostalgic?

[A]

Songs, I think, or smells. Songs and smells make me feel nostalgic. I mean, it was obviously the anniversary. Is Mum dying this week? And always songs, you know, Louis Armstrong, It's a Wonderful World, or anything by Elvis will make me think of her and that makes me nostalgic. Maybe nostalgia for me is for memories or people who I no longer see or who are no longer with us. Definitely smells like perfume. That will take me right back into a different time zone. Person. What about you?

[B]

Smells. Probably a really strong one for me. Yeah. I don't know. I don't think I get as nostalgic as you.

[A]

I know. I don't think you're a nostalgic person either.

[B]

I think I take after dad and I can leave the past in the past and move on. Like. I had. My friend from work, Sam, messaged me in the morning. I woke up to this message saying, oh, I saw your sister's post. I'm thinking of you today, my friend. And I'm like, oh, my God, what am I supposed to be sad about Today?

[A]

I wasn't Sad. I was just kind of like you.

[B]

Posted about going in. That was when we got the call about Mum and we'd gone into. And I. But I just completely forgotten. And you always remember, I think, the anniversary of Mum, but I don't really.

[A]

I think it's because I see the snowdrops. But I've always been one for dates. Dates are just like emblazoned on my mind, I think, you know, a decade on. I remember Mum with nostalgia and I remember the fond memories. I don't really dwell on the hard or the sad. I remember what it. What it taught me. And you know those seven days that we had with. With Mum, although she wasn't really with us, with dad, you know, I just remember thinking they were really lovely because we. We got time. We had time together and we had time with dad. You know, we hadn't had that for a very long time. I think that was it with no kids.

[B]

I think it was that time with. With dad was quite precious. And I think it was just because we couldn't do anything, we couldn't go anywhere. We just had to sit for hours and just be with Mum. And I think the way we got through was the memories.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I think I don't tend to get nostalgic on my own, but I think it's with others and remembering things with others that sort of. And sharing those feelings. When I'm with others, I don't think I tend to share them on my own, like with myself, if that makes sense.

[A]

Yeah, no, that makes sense.

[B]

It kind of. Other people bring them out in me and. Yeah.

[A]

So, yeah, I wouldn't say I was.

[B]

That nostalgic, but it smells. Certainly smells for me memories. And I think. I think the strongest smell that is. That makes me reflect back is the smell of school.

[A]

Oh, God, yeah. Like wood polish.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Wood polish.

[B]

Cleaner in the corridors that they used or something. There's this smell that I just remember. God, this is school and going. And kind of. I almost then get like an anxiety of like. Do you remember, like, going back to.

[A]

School, to boarding school and you get.

[B]

Dropped off and I'd just be like.

[A]

Oh, those sort of first sicky feelings.

[B]

Yeah. Kind of like Mum and Dad leaving and you're on your own kind of. And what it's going to be like. I mean, it must have been harder for you because you were there on your own. Whereas when I went, you were there.

[A]

Yeah. I loved it, though. I was very lucky at boarding school. I did used to get that kind of like, nervous Feeling as we were driving up to school. But the minute I was in, I was. I was fine.

[B]

One of my funniest memories of you at school because we were getting picked up for something. I don't know what it was. It might have been we were going to the regatta or something. We were getting picked up.

[A]

Oh, I know this story. You can't tell this story.

[B]

We were still outside waiting for Mum and Dad and as usual, Mum and Dad were about an hour late. And you just kept going to the toilet. You're like, I need to pee again.

[A]

I had toilet anxiety. You know what? I'm like, I don't like going to the loo.

[B]

Do anywhere else you like, 15, 20 times. Like, I just like, oh, my God.

[A]

I still get it. I still have to go for kind of like just one. One more last wee before we go anywhere.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Anyway, that's just me. Right, let's move on from the toilet chat. Bam's next question.

[B]

It's my memories of you.

[A]

Oh, they're just lovely, that.

[B]

And your pants. Your pants. What are my pants when we're on holiday? My memory of you when you asked me what was. My funniest memory was of when we went skiing and it was really, really bad weather and we couldn't. We couldn't go out and for like, two, three days. And then dad sort of rang our room and said, oh, I've arranged for us to go home a day early because the weather's still really bad. And we went down to breakfast and we were really excited just to be going home because we were just so bored. And dad said, april fools. You just said, but I've got my comfy pants on. And you were so upset that you put your comfy traveling pants on, wasted them on a day. I still have traveling pants. Oh, no, I'm gonna snore. That's not fair.

[A]

See, you remember everything. I don't remember these things. I kind of like. Next question. Toilets and pants. Oh, for heaven's sake. Come on.

[B]

Tell me when to stop again.

[A]

Stop.

[B]

What is something you've done, felt, seen, etc that you wish you could experience again for the first time?

[A]

Childbirth was the first thing that came into my mind, but I really don't mean that. I don't mean, like, the pain, because obviously, God, it was brutal giving birth to Tom. You know, my epidural had worn off and I was exhausted, but you know what? And he came out not breathing, and that was terrifying. But the. What I meant by that was like, the experience of seeing and holding Tom for the first time and being a mum, I found that really, I don't think anyone, you can ever describe that first feeling of holding your. Your first child is quite a unique experience of just like overwhelming love. And I remember seeing Tom's face for the first time and thinking, well, of course you're going to look like that. I remember thinking before, what's he going to look like? And then when he was born, I was like, of course he's going to look like that. That was. I don't think you'd ever experienced that again.

[B]

I'd say, yes, the same, but in for a different reason. So I think mine was slightly different because. So, yeah, I had really long labor like you, but then ended up having an emergency C section.

[A]

So that's because you're so small. You're just like you're a dwarf.

[B]

It wasn't that. It was that she was back to back and massive head, massive head and it was up and they just sort of said that there was no way she was coming out, so they couldn't get. So I think sort of, I didn't get to hold her sort of straight away and it was sort of, I think, that sort of trauma. But what I do remember about the birth is probably that closeness with Rich during that time because, you know, just sort of going through it all and they had to do lots of different things, you know, lots of different procedures. And I just think. I don't think I've ever felt so close to someone going, you know, going through something that was quite traumatic, you know, and I was quite exhausted and, you know, he was there for me and stuff. And I think when I talked about it afterwards and I just sort of said, you know, it was. I looked back on it quite fondly and he just had this look of horror because he didn't have that. I think you kind of get into this bubble, don't you? You kind of. Your brain shuts down of everything else going on around you and you just focus on giving birth and your brain does something for you to forget the pain and trauma. And I think he remembers the trauma of it. I mean, it was so traumatizing for him that he went home and threw up. But for me, it was that emotion of that closeness and I think that was that emotional side of things, of never feeling that again. So I could understand wanting to do that again and just those emotions that you're never going to experience again or get back.

[A]

James, I think, was quite emotional.

[B]

You're absolutely right.

[A]

I think we were In a bubble. I was definitely in a bubble. I remember almost having an out of body experience of just seeing myself from the roof. But James definitely remembers how incredibly tense, obviously with Tom coming out, not breathing. He went home, he wasn't sick but he nearly crashed the car because he was just so emotionally wrung out, I think. Yeah, okay, good question. Good question. Next question. Stop.

[B]

A stranger is inhabiting your body for the day. What are some tips you'd give them?

[A]

A stranger is in my body. God help them.

[B]

What are some tips that you'd give them?

[A]

I would lie down in a dark room because your brain is not going to stop shutting up and you might not be used to it. Get a pen and paper ready because you'll need to take notes from everything that's going on. Yeah, I think if you're in my body, definitely don't eat any kind of bean. Otherwise you will just literally bloat and fart throughout the day. Is that too much information? But definitely don't eat beans. You might not function until you've had your first proper coffee of the day. I would say have a good coffee of the day. What about your body?

[B]

I'd say you're probably going to go to the toilet a lot. I drink quite a lot of tea and then have to pee a lot. Don't worry about the weird pain in your toe that happens.

[A]

Just ignore it.

[B]

Well, have you got gout?

[A]

It's just.

[B]

I think it speaks the gp. My GP is very hot, by the way.

[A]

Oh, as in hot, good looking hot?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And make up some more excuses to go and see him then, is it doctor?

[B]

Yeah, I don't think he wants to see a middle aged menopausal woman with all her problems. Can you just look up my big toe? The Internet says it's gout or a bunion and I'm not quite prepared for either of those.

[A]

Look how pretty they're colored. They're colored the same color as chocolate Cadbury.

[B]

They're quite pretty at the time. They're very pretty. But yeah, it's just a bit of. He said it's slight inflammation pushing on the nerve and not to worry about it.

[A]

Fair enough. Yeah.

[B]

Try not to eat too much chocolate if you can help it. Go for a walk, that helps.

[A]

Go for a walk. I think going for a walk is totally underrated. I love my walks. I don't like it when I can't walk. That's probably one thing that I would say that helps my mind as well. Just quieten down.

[B]

I like how we focused on the physical side of things. Like our bodies are falling apart. Rather than like what you're gonna do for the day, like your job or anything.

[A]

No, I said, oh, I was just thinking more of a stranger in the body. What's it going to experience as my body?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You're never going to touch your toes. You might try. That's just not happened. I'm like dad in that sense. As in I'm so stiff it's unbelievably ridiculous. Come on, next question. That was silly. That was funny.

[B]

Right, next one. How would your life change if you inherited a hundred thousand pounds tomorrow? You can make it more money if you want to make it a bigger thing.

[A]

Well, I think, well, let's do. If we had a hundred thousand pounds, I think that would really help us do what we want to do in our home. We bought a. For the listeners perspective, we bought a really beautiful old home in 2017 and we've spent the last eight years renovating it, which has literally taken up all of our spare cash and we still have one floor to go. And I think £100,000 would definitely help us start to, to make that better for the house itself. The basement that we're not able to use at the moment. How would life change if we had. Let's, let's go wild. 10 million. I don't know. I don't know what the life changing amount of money is. I mean, I'm so grateful. We live like a really, really beautiful life, you know, not the same as I think it doesn't matter how much money you have, I think you're always going to have a level of worry or finances. If I look at James and I, we've been together since we were 19 and no matter what money we earn or generate, we always spend it or use it, we're always circulating it, we're not very good at saving it. We'll always invest it or put it in something or we'll go on a holiday. So I kind of think no matter whatever amount of money we would have, we would always just use it to have a lot of fun in the best way we possibly could. I think the only thing is maybe rather than investing in houses and ourselves and the kids, we probably invest in other companies. There's a wonderful company I love up here in North Yorkshire called Lift Adventures, which is all about investing in female founded businesses and I would love to do more of that. That's my kind of longer term goal. When we've kind of finished everything here that's what I would love to do. How about you? What would happen with you?

[B]

I'd be ringing you and say, do you want to go back to Maldives for two months? No kids, no husbands, just us again.

[A]

I'm there.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

How are we going to manifest that? Let's do it.

[B]

I mean, 100,000, I think would certainly make things easier to stop trying to sell the house at the moment. And there's limited options of where I want to move to, so that might help open that up a little bit. But I think it would definitely enable me to sort of do more with the kids, like holiday wise and sort of. Because that's a bit. Gonna be a bit tight for a couple of years, I think. But yeah. And that that would help in this sort of transition period. I think if it was a lot of money, I sort of thought about this and, you know, if I won sort of life, say life changing amounts on the, the lottery or whatever, how much should I want to change? And you know, the last few years I've been on a job. That's amazing. And I wouldn't want to leave that because I just. That is so much my life. And. But also it's not something I could just up and leave and go and do stuff because the kids are in education, you know, and it's like, I can't take them out of that.

[A]

No.

[B]

And just go and say, right, I'm going to go travel for a year or whatever. Because I'd have really good holidays with them.

[A]

Yeah, but you still kind of adventure.

[B]

Yeah, they still need to sort of be in school, so you can't do those things.

[A]

But. Yeah. What holidays would you go on? What adventures would you want to go on? Yes. Okay. We'd go back to the Maldives. I want to go to Bali. I want to go to Italy and eat more pizza. I want to go and see the Leaning Tower of Pisa. I want to go and see some Formula one. I've never seen Formula one. And if Brad Pitt's there, that would make it even better.

[B]

Yeah, he doesn't. He's not. That was a film.

[A]

Yeah. But maybe I'll just get on his film set. I don't know. Where would you go? Where do you want to go?

[B]

But I think I'd like to see some really like incredible bits of nature out there. You see sort of some of these places like, you know, in South America.

[A]

And really untouched, you mean?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, Just, you know, some of these. Yeah. Really beautiful sort of landscapes, you know, kind of that it just made you think, wow, this Earth is incredible.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then even, like, some cities with some, like, really beautiful architecture and, you know, you kind of think what humans have achieved and in some sense of beauty and stuff. That would be quite amazing to just go and see in, like, the Great Wall of China.

[A]

Oh, I'd love to do that. Maybe we should do that for your 50th. Go and walk the Great Wall of China.

[B]

And go, no. Why do you get to sit on a nice beach for your 50th and I have to walk along a massive, bloody long wall the length of China?

[A]

You said you wanted to do more walking. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Let me. Let me ask you another question. I mean, one of the things that we were both quite emotional and blown away by in the Maldives was obviously the sea. The sea life. The, you know, the sharks that came and, like, swam around our feet and the turtles and the dolphins and the manta rays. My goodness. Even just swimming to the edge of the coral and seeing that vast blue aquarium of thousands and thousands of fish. And that was more of that.

[B]

I'd love to go and dive in some amazing places. Yeah, I think I'd do that because I do, like, enjoy that.

[A]

Yeah. Maybe you're a mermaid in another life.

[B]

Not that you believe in that.

[A]

You're like, weirdo. No. Okay, come on. Last question. Let's do one more.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Right, ready? First. First. Top one. Top one. And you choose whichever one you want to. Want to ask.

[B]

What's the best gift you've ever given and who did you give it to?

[A]

The best gift I ever gave would. To James were his two sons. I think that's what I would say. That's the best gift that you can give anyone. What about you? You gave me a lovely gift for my 50th. Some paper party hats. Yeah. And the silly glasses. To me, that was perfect because it was so thoughtful. I think it doesn't have to be big, grand gestures, does it? It was. It was the fact that you'd gone out and thought about that ahead of time. What can we do? Because I said no physical presence. I said, just your presence, as in being with me is. Is enough. But yet you'd gone out to think about, what are we actually going to do to make it different on my birthday?

[B]

Yeah. And I was like, oh, God. I was kind of thinking, oh, God, are you going to think this is really tacky, but do you know me? I was just like, I know, but we're in the Maldives. And I thought, I don't know. Are you going to be okay wearing these in it? It was just really nice in the way the people we met at Mermada and Hemet and, you know, joined in.

[A]

They embraced it.

[B]

Yeah, that was really nice.

[A]

Do you know, I can't remember what gifts I give people and I can never remember what they'd given me either. Okay, next question. We answered that one.

[B]

What changed the way you see the world?

[A]

Mum dying, interestingly, massively for me. And I think that was just reinforced yesterday. I was on the phone to a very, very dear friend of mine whose father died last week. And although he was 94 and had been ill for a really long time, I think a bit like Mum, you know, she'd had Alzheimer's for 10 years. It was still a surprise or almost like a bit of a shock when she actually went and it was like, oh, my God. It really was, we have one life and you are going to leave.

[B]

I knew.

[A]

And the thing is, it's the weirdest. I can't explain it, but it was like I knew that that's what happened, but it was, it's actually happening, so that means it's going to happen for me. And I remember just thinking in 2016, you know, before all the shit that happened to me before that, it was just like, do you know what? I've got one life, you know, we've got to live it. And I remember just kind of like harnessing it and going, come on, let's crack on. And the standard of my life suddenly elevated. I was, I'm not going to take any more from anyone and this is what I'm going to do. I'd left a job and it was like, come on, you don't have to do that. You don't have to go back to that. This is what you're going to do. This is about living and loving your life. I suppose that's where everything about the joy that I talk about now started. It was like, it was just on me. It was a real focus on, I'm the only one who's going to die and be with my own memories and regrets at the same time. So that I think Mum dying shifted my whole perspective on life that I can recall in this moment.

[B]

Yeah, I think seeing it firsthand, I think can make you can really hit home about your own mortality. I think there's that kind of. You grow up thinking, I'm not going to get old, or kind of. We don't really.

[A]

Yeah. What do you mean? We're not old. We're really young.

[B]

No, no, but I think like you.

[A]

I think.

[B]

I'm not saying you feel you're old now, but I think you recognize that you will get old. And there is a finite time on this earth. And I think also the fact that if I think as you go grow older, I think time goes faster, doesn't it? Like when you're younger, like summer holidays seem endless or, you know, kind of. And, and time is just like, we start a year and then I'm like, oh my God, it's December already. And it. I think that sort of thing. Time go past quicker. That sort of perception of time getting quicker, I think then brings it home that actually my time left is not as long as I thought it would be. Sort of when you're really young, you think, God, 80, 90 years is a really, really long time. And then you're kind of like, actually, no, it's not that many, many years left. Yeah, a decade doesn't seem as long as a decade when you're younger.

[A]

I think children also changes you. So I think death changes you, but then I think new life also changes you. Right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, you suddenly have this responsibility for somebody else's life and that can bring an incredible amount of joy, but also incredible intense responsibility and pressure.

[B]

Yeah, I think that's sort of. With the kids, I've always. That's the biggest thing for me is just always feeling responsible for them. And I think we talked about this when we were away and actually I wouldn't have if going back, I wouldn't have my kids again. Not because I don't love them and think they're amazing and love them. I'm scared for their future. Really scared for their future. And it's just a thought of, you know, both politically, environmentally, financially, kind of all those things, what their life is going to be like in a two or three decades time. And. And yeah, that worries me.

[A]

I know. And that's something that James and I talk about an awful lot. The, the landscape for our children and what are they going to do in terms of work and what's their planet going to be like. And I think we. The only thing that we can bring it back to and where I always come back to. As long as we teach them to be good human beings, kind human beings that can think for themselves, that can create relationships, you know, we've got to set them up with the right morals and ethics, haven't we? That's. That's the only thing that I feel like I can do. Yeah.

[B]

And, yeah, what worries me is we're setting the kids up for skills that we think they need now, but I think the kind of skills they're going to need in the future going to be quite different. And the unknown world, and I can't. That's too big for me to think about. I have to stay in the here and now. If I try and think about it, or if I let myself think about.

[A]

It, I just think it's too overwhelming.

[B]

It's too overwhelming for me. And what. What their life might be like.

[A]

I mean, that's the. There's a wonderful book called the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, which hugely helped me. And I was reading at the time that Mum died and again later that year, obviously, when my whole world came crumbling down. And he talked very much about, you know, the power of now is all that we have because we can't change the past. The past is in the past. And trying to change it in your mind is just going to torture you. It's done. It's about acceptance and what you've learned from it. And in the same vein, if you look too far in the future, you can't change that either because there are too many circumstances that can influence that. The only way that you can have any influence in it is by how you are being, thinking, behaving in the moment. So the now is all we have. So it's this moment and this moment. And if I can bring that level of awareness to my. My thoughts, my feelings, the awareness of my environment around me, that's much better than being in my head trying to think about things in the past, in the future. It's about now. And I'll make the best of every single moment now. And I think if we can teach our children the same sorts of things as. Embrace the now, live for now, enjoy now. You know, we never know what our friends of ours very sadly lost their son last year. You know, he had a heart attack from a defect in his heart. You know, that was tragic, but it could happen to any of us at any moment in time. So live for today.

[B]

Really, the next question is very pertinent then. Okay, if you died today, what would be your biggest regret?

[A]

Do you know what? I think I've been asked that question so many times in the last decade, or maybe because of the last decade. I don't think I have any regrets because I've lived to make sure that I don't have regrets. I have strong, you know, conversations with myself to say there's. There's a wonderful book. I think I read it a similar time when I was going doing a lot of my research into kind of like spirituality and one again, another great book I read was by Phil Stultz called the Tools. And he taught this concept of if you can fast forward to your deathbed and look back at yourself now, what are the regrets? What would you think about doing? What would you want your. What would your future self want you to remember in this moment? And I think being able to fast forward so that you can see everything in hindsight can help make sure that you don't live with those regrets. So actually, right at this moment in time, I don't think I've got particularly. No big regret comes to mind. How about you? Have you got one?

[B]

I think probably not spending enough quality time with the kids.

[A]

That's quite a common feeling for working parents, isn't it?

[B]

Yeah. You know, and I think it was that thing of, I don't know, I think when we were together, Rich and I were just. I think we were both sort of quite exhausted, and it was kind of like thinking, well, the other one maybe should sort of put some effort in and think about what we should do or, you know, and I think. But I think almost now that we're separated, it's now just my responsibility to do that. So it almost makes it easier. And I just have to think about me. I don't have to think about what I choose to do with whether it's something he wants to do as well. So it kind of does make it easier. But then now the kids don't want to spend any time with me, really. But, you know, that's it. I can thought I need to find something that they're interested to see that so they want to do it. But do you think they might want.

[A]

To come with us to the Maldives? No, they would on the other side of. On the other side of the island, obviously. So they wouldn't have to be seen with us.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, the Internet connection was good, so yeah, they'd be quite happy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, Lyra quite likes making friends, although I think she quite liked the fact that there weren't many people around. So I think that would give her more confidence and I think with you around, she'd be okay because obviously I'm.

[A]

Her mother and she doesn't take any.

[B]

Advice from me or, you know, understanding, but, you know, you would. And you could say to her, you know, you don't have to worry about. No one's looking at you or you know, because she's really that kind of self conscious age. I think Ben would love the snorkeling in the sea. Although he doesn't like salt water. He said he complained he went in the sea, it was too salty. Not something I could do. I couldn't put that, you know, request in change the planet. I think he'd probably be okay with that.

[A]

But.

[B]

Yeah, I don't know. I think they get bored too easily.

[A]

I think we can make these things up in our head. Do you know what? You will have spent wonderful time with your children. I know.

[B]

Well, when we went to Turkey. Not Turkey, Greece.

[A]

Greece.

[B]

Went to Greece. They were absolute assholes the entire week. They were like dickers and they were like grumpy and they whinged. And at the end of the week I just said, look, you know, I'm sorry you haven't really enjoyed this holiday. You know, I thought it'd be something you'd like. And they both said, no, we've really enjoyed it.

[A]

So it's all in our head, isn't it? The regret. The regret that you didn't spend more time with. They've noticed. Exactly.

[B]

And I think, I know this is going to sound really bad, but that's what I really liked about the Maldives was I, for, you know, first time, I didn't have to think about anyone else.

[A]

Oh, Bird, me too. I don't think it's a bad thing. I think the fact that we didn't have to think about anybody else. We didn't have to think about children, we didn't have to think about partners. And you and I know each other so well. It was never kind of like you.

[B]

Weren'T going to tease each other?

[A]

No. Or is she okay? It's not. It's just I know that if she's not okay, she'll tell me.

[B]

Yeah. And that was it. And like, you know, on your birthday night when, you know, they said, anyone, do you want to go for drinks? Go back to the bar for cocktails? And you said, no, I want to go to bed. And I just said, yeah, fine. And you just sort of said, you wouldn't have been able to do that with anyone else. No going back to bed and reading a book on your 50th birthday at 10 o' clock at night.

[A]

But that was bliss to me. The whole week was bliss. All of it. You know, I loved. I loved every minute. And I love you and thank you for coming with me.

[B]

I mean, it felt like a really selfish thing to do, but you know, I think, you know, it's that analogy of, you know, you put your mask on before anyone else's and I think that sort of self care was really important and it was just, just amazing to just not have that responsibility for anyone else's happiness. But my aim for that week was really nice because I knew you were happy because I can tell. But there's, you know, I can never tell if Rich was happy or not.

[A]

There's no undercurrent.

[B]

Yeah, I can't tell you.

[A]

You know, there's a lot of what I talk about in my coaching and in my work is that importance for women and men, but mainly women too. When we're holding so much, our main job is to focus on our own energy. You know, JOY is the acronym for just on you. You have to spend some time every single day focusing just on yourself so that you can expand your capacity to hold everything else that you've got going on in your life. The children, the partnerships, the work, the responsibilities, the household, the pets, everything. It's like if you don't give yourself that time, you end up storing up so much resentment and frustration or exhaustion because you're over giving.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I think that's the thing, isn't it? Once you become a parent or an adult, you kind of, you don't get to sort of just do that stuff, you know, I look back on holidays, you know, holidays that we had as a kid, kids and stuff, we didn't, we didn't have to worry about anything. You know, we just sort of went and we swam in the canal, played in, you know, the river or whatever. We did what we wanted to do, we didn't have to worry about anything else. Whereas I expect Mum and dad were sort of, you know, thinking about feeding us and making sure we're happy and all that. And so even then on the holiday family, you don't get to totally switch off.

[A]

No bams. If you had one mantra or one piece of wisdom that you would share with yourself, you know, past self, what would it be or what's your mantra that you want to live by going forward?

[B]

I think something that I've. I always think about, I think there was sort of a change, sort of in my 30s, I think that. And someone said something to me, told a story about how she'd seen someone on the school run and their kids were eating ice creams and it was the middle of winter and. And I was like, oh my God, that's terrible. Parents. She said, you just have to think what kind of morning has that mother had where she's had to bribe her kids with ice creams to go to school. And I think it's just that kind of change from being quite a judgmental person to being a much more empathetic person.

[A]

And there's this thing of, like, don't.

[B]

We judge ourselves by our thoughts, but we judge others by their actions? And so, like, you might do something, but you were like, oh, I was thinking of something else. You drive a car, you know, And I think. And I. I always carry that. That what. When something happens, what is going on for that other person?

[A]

Yeah. You never know what's going on in their life.

[B]

Yeah. And I think that's helped me a lot, become a lot more empathetic to people. And I. So I would. I would give that to my younger self.

[A]

I think that's why. Wise words.

[B]

Because I think in my 20s and 30s, I was a bit of a dick.

[A]

I don't think you were.

[B]

I think I was a bit.

[A]

Well, I don't really remember.

[B]

Judgmental.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, Bird, thanks so much for being on the JOY broadcast. That's all right.

[B]

It was fun.

[A]

It was fun.

[B]

We'll save up the rest of the other one.

[A]

So you've done the maths already. Well done. I hope you get to use them on some speed dating in the future.

[B]

Oh, God, no, I'm just giving up. Especially.

[A]

Especially the one about the stranger in a body.

[B]

Someone did ask me what my spirit animal was.

[A]

What is it?

[B]

And I said, a cat. And he said, oh, so you like preening yourself? And I said, oh, no, no, I just like, you know, they just sleep all day. He said, so you're lazy? And I said, no, I'm not really lazy. I said, I just like the way cats, just quite independent and a leaf and can be like. And he said, oh, so you don't like people? I'm just, like, going, oh, my God.

[A]

Why did I choose cats?

[B]

I panicked.

[A]

Well, why not? You love cats.

[B]

Oh, Birdie.

[A]

Love you.

[B]

Love you too.

[A]

Love you, love you, love you. My mission is to spread love, joy, peace and abundance to as much of the the world as I possibly can, so that every person knows that they don't have to walk alone in their darkness. So if you've enjoyed today's podcast and this episode, I would be so honoured and happy if you would support my mission and share this with your network, your friends and your family. Please feel free to leave me an honest review on Apple or Spotify. And until next time, remember the ripple of joy starts with you, Sa.