Am I Being a Bridezilla about My Destination Wedding in Italy? - MONDAY MAILBAG

Summary

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The JTrain Podcast — Episode Summary

Episode Title: Am I Being a Bridezilla about My Destination Wedding in Italy? - MONDAY MAILBAG
Host: Jared Freid
Release Date: June 1, 2026

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Episode Overview

Jared Freid returns for another Mailbag Monday, answering listener questions on a spectrum of topics ranging from dating app etiquette to body image journeys with weight loss medications and, most prominently, the complexities of destination wedding planning. The episode’s centerpiece is a detailed, candid breakdown of a listener’s anxieties about being labeled a “bridezilla” while planning an Italian destination wedding. Jared delivers his trademark mix of practicality and humor, offering unfiltered advice designed to help listeners navigate social dynamics, set boundaries, and embrace personal comfort in some of life’s most fraught milestones.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Dating App Number Exchanges and Personal Boundaries

[02:22 – 18:00]

• Listener Dilemma:
  A 30-year-old woman feels uncomfortable with how quickly men on dating apps request her phone number, often after only a couple of messages.

• Jared’s Take:

  • Respect your own boundaries—if you prefer chatting in the app awhile, that’s reasonable.
  • Don’t force yourself to go out with people just to “try” or “prove” you’re putting yourself out there (especially if their profile doesn’t spark interest).
  • Trust your gut: "If someone is already asking for your number, they're not for you. And that's okay." (13:10)
  • Don’t justify your comfort preferences with extreme hypotheticals (“They’re all cheating husbands!” or “Stalker risk!”). Emotional safety is valid without embellishment.
  • On app culture: Apps were built to provide a low-stakes way to rule people out without awkwardness—so use that function!
  • It’s normal to want a bit of banter before giving out your number; if someone insists otherwise, simply move on.

• Notable Quote:
  "You're not going to teach anybody anything on a dating app. And it's okay." (09:00)

• Advice on Internal Discourse:
  Stop being “ridiculous on yourself.” The email writer oscillates between valid self-care and hyperbolic self-critique—Jared calls for more self-kindness.

2. Destination Wedding in Italy: What Makes a Good Host?

[24:52 – 36:00]

• Listener Query:
  A New York couple is planning a 2027 wedding in Italy and wants advice on must-do's/don'ts regarding plus ones, party structure, and guest experience.
  “Don’t want to be a bridezilla.”

• Jared’s Guidance:

  • Plus Ones:

    • Don’t reference “budget reasons”—it can come off as tone-deaf to single guests (“You’re doing a wedding in Italy; you’ve taken yourself out of using the word budget.” 25:20).
    • Choosing a hard rule (e.g., only married/live-in couples get plus-ones) is fine—just don’t try to justify inconsistencies by organizing guests’ travel acquaintances.
    • Invite single friends; trust they can handle the adventure or ask for a plus-one if it’s truly important.
    • Don’t micro-manage or explain “who you know and should feel comfortable traveling with.”

  • Welcome Party & Farewell Brunch:

    • Pick one—Jared favors a welcome event for its practicality and community-building (“Give everyone a definitive date they can end their travels if they want side trips before your wedding.” 29:58).
    • Farewell brunches are unnecessary and can interfere with guests' post-wedding plans—keep it family-only if desired.

  • Planning Activities During the Wedding Weekend:

    • No need to plan or pay for non-wedding activities/excursions for guests.
    • Focus on providing insider recommendations (“Give us the insider tips—where to eat, your favorite bar with a band, best car service.” 32:00).
    • Your job is to introduce guests to why you love the place, not to create their itinerary.

  • General Principle:
    “Not being talked down to is a big part of these destination weddings…when you start talking about your budget to the losers you invited that are single and paying a full rent, not splitting with anyone and taking a $1500 airplane trip, no one cares.” (34:00)

• Notable Quote:
  “You get to travel with your husband and have sex the whole time. I'm gonna be beating off into a tissue paper in Tuscany. We're living different lives. Don't tell me I know people.” (28:34)

3. Body Image, GLP-1 Weight Loss Meds & Social Stigma

[36:10 – 45:10]

• Listener Dilemma:
  A woman finds weight loss through WeGovy transformative but is uncomfortable with public and peer comments about these medications.

• Jared’s Responses:

  • Most “people are saying” negativity about medications is extremist noise. “Let’s get specific—who is that person? Let’s look at their credentials before saying society is crumbling.” (37:23)
  • Internalized shame and sensitivity are common—“Fat people have the best hearing. No one has better hearing than a fat person.” (42:10)
  • Sharing your medication use gives you power; secrecy turns it into a negative. (“I think telling people has made it better.” 44:10)
  • GLP-1 medication is a tool, like ADHD or depression meds; those on it deserve the same dignity.

• Notable Quote:
  “For some reason, making fun of people on a GLP-1 is just allowable. As a joke maker, I kind of get why, but it’s not really fair…eating is something beyond your control, and that’s a hard thing to admit.” (41:15)

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Memorable Moments & Listener Guidance

• On Extremism in Dating App Expectations:
  “You’re believing what you’ve heard online. You gotta, as the kids say, touch grass.” (17:55)

• Setting Comfortable Boundaries:
  “If you don’t get what you’re looking for, which is perfectly reasonable…move the fuck on.” (18:52)

• Destination Wedding Snark:
  “Miss, we’re going to be eating pasta cups off a ballerina’s tits and you’re talking about budget reasons.” (26:41)

• Travel Planning for Guests:
  “Just write out your Tuscany and say ‘Take it or leave it.’” (32:18)

• On Sensitivity and Self-Acceptance:
  “Maybe people didn’t think you were overweight in the way you thought you were overweight…You see yourself differently than others do.” (40:38)

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Structured Timestamps

| Segment/Topic | Timestamp | |----------------------------------------------------|-----------------| | Dating app number exchange dilemma | 02:22 – 18:00 | | Destination wedding: plus ones, planning, etiquette | 24:52 – 36:00 | | Body image & weight loss medication | 36:10 – 45:10 | | Noteworthy quotes, wedding snark | 26:41, 28:34 |

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Selected Quotes (with Attribution & Timestamps)

• On dating app boundaries:
  “If someone is already asking for your number, they're not for you. And that's okay.”
  — Jared (13:10)

• On justifying wedding choices:
  “You’re doing a wedding in Italy; you’ve taken yourself out of using the word budget.”
  — Jared (25:20)

• On travel and guests:
  “You get to travel with your husband and have sex the whole time. I'm gonna be beating off into a tissue paper in the fucking Tuscany. So we're living different lives. Don't tell me. I know people.”
  — Jared (28:34)

• About external negativity on weight loss medications:
  “Let’s get specific—who is that person? Let’s look at their credentials before saying society is crumbling.”
  — Jared (37:23)

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Tone & Language

• Candid, self-deprecating, and unfiltered honesty—Jared continually places himself both as a peer and as the irreverent, slightly older voice of reason.
• Humor leavens all advice, but practical empathy remains at the core.

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Conclusion

Jared’s responses blend tough love with insightful humor, encouraging listeners to set their personal boundaries without apology—whether that’s with an eager Bumble match, a jet-setting wedding guest list, or their inner critic regarding body image. His refrain throughout: trust your instincts, be kind to yourself, and don’t justify your needs with overblown hypotheticals or social pressure. The episode provides comfort and connection through shared uncertainty, ensuring listeners walk away with both a laugh and a plan.

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Transcript

[A]

It's a mailbag. Munder. You got problems there. I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag. Monday. Hello and welcome to the J Train podcast. Before we get started, I am so excited for my new book Walking Red Flag today to come out next week, June 9th, and I want you to pre order the book. If you're not the reading type, that's fine. I'm not a big reader either. You're probably the listening type because you're here listening to this podcast. So I thought it would be fun to give you a preview of the audiobook. So today and every day this week I'm going to put a 16 minute taste test of the audiobook at the end of the episode.

[B]

I don't know if you listen to

[A]

every day, that's why I did it every day this week. Maybe you listen to one of the days and this is your first time hearing this ad. So just this week at the end of the episode is a 16 minute taste test of the Audi book. I want you to listen. If you haven't pre ordered, you can pre order it now. The link is in the bio. This episode. If you have a friend or family member or anyone that would enjoy an Audi book about dating or just about life in general, because the book is really personal stories and it's laughs every couple minutes on the audiobook and every page on the regular book. So this is a good opportunity to show it to them and maybe let them know about the book. It's called Walking Red Flag. Dating advice from your favorite guy friend. If you're here already for my podcast, I'm sure you've heard about it from me and you're already sick and tired of it. This is one little tidbit for you to try and enjoy before it goes out next week. So at the end you're going to hear the beginning of the book. Sixteen minutes. That's going to get you a little little wet. Your whistle for the book. And I want you to enjoy, send it, share it, share it with anyone you know that might enjoy the book and pre order it along with you. If you already have done that or this is your chance to give it a little try and see if it's up your alley. So enjoy walking Red Flag at the end of today's episode and enjoy today's episode.

[B]

Hello and welcome to the J Train podcast. This J Train, Jared Freed coming to you H from Delray Beach, Florida. That's right, every Monday is a mail bag Monday, where you the listener. Email me the comedian with your questions. That's the show. Any question you'd like, send it to j train podcast gmail.com j train podcast gmail.com want to thank you for being part of this show. I'm taping this on Memorial Day and, and it's coming out next week and this is like the official kickoff to summer. I love doing this show. I have a lot going on. This show is a constant for me. So it means a lot that you enjoy listening. I love that I can sit here for a half hour, 40 minutes every Monday and kind of chit chat with you and it means a lot. So. And I'm just want to thank you for enjoying the show. I'm feeling, I'm feeling thankful. I woke up early to tape this. I'm going to head on my way. I got a book tour. I got a special coming out. There's a lot of good things coming. I'm going to be very busy and I'm excited to have you guys kind of along with me for the ride. I hope that doesn't sound douchey. That's my, that's my open for the show. If you are out there and you want to come to the book tour, that is the next thing. New York City, sold out. Boston, Philly, dc, Chicago, Denver. You can get a ticket to the book tour. You can get a ticket that bundles the book in with the tour. The book I would love for you to pre order. That would really mean a lot. That help that is helpful. I, I, I've turned this New York Times bestseller thing into a thing as I do sometimes. I've made it like the, the only way this thing is successful. So because I don't know what else, you know, the book is done, I've been paid, it's over, it's done. I like it. I like the book. It's got laughs every page. I can tell you if you haven't ordered it yet, it's going to make you feel more positive about dating because, you know, if you listen to this show for any amount of time, you know, that's kind of what we do. We, we look at your questions in a realistic way and then we have some fun with it. And hopefully, you know, while you got your tears streaming down your cheek, we got a little smile to go on your face. That's kind of the imagery that this podcast should produce. So let's get to the emails. If you have any question at all. J train podcast gmail.com I'm also doing standup Cleveland, Hamptons, Miami, Red Bank, New Jersey, Foxwoods in Connecticut and then Portland, Maine. So the summer is coming. It's here. Come on out. Jaredfree.com to get tickets for the book tour, tickets for my stand up, the book, all those things. So Jared, love the pod. Longtime Patreon subscriber. Thank you. That, that, that's amazing. As a woman who lives alone and has adhd, I really need to have near constant sound while I' laughing face emoji. Having a consistently funny and genuine person to tune into makes the experience better. Well, that is quite a comment. Thank you so much. My mailbag Monday slash ticked off Tuesday has to do with exchanging phone numbers on dating apps. Always a tough thing because in my belief it should be easy and if it's difficult, there's a reason why and the reason could be justified. Hey, I'm just not someone who exchanged numbers right now. I'd love to like meet first and then we'll decide. That's perfectly reasonable. And there's, you know, you have justification. I don't feel safe yet. And then you get on the date and, and then if that person is like, well, I don't want, well, they're after other, other things. They didn't really like you enough to go on the date. They, they were after something quick and easy and they were really thinking. And I would say for men, if they're not willing to like, kind of go with the, the path you're kind of laying out, they're looking, the penis is making decisions and you're dealing with the wrong head. So let's see what's going on here. I'm a 30 year old straight woman who's back on the apps this year. I've been trying to remain open to going on dates even if I'm not immediately interested. Based on their profile, I would say this is a mistake. I'm sorry to come back at you and I know you're pushing yourself to, you know, get out there, but a dating app is a piece of the pie and right now you're acting as if there's only one way to meet people and it's the dating app. So who cares what their profile that they made looks like? This is what they spend time on and you're going, well, forget that thing. That was the most genuine thing I have to go off of and let me just push myself on a date just because someone's talking to me. So again, I, you know, sometimes we have to look at ourselves in the mirror here for the Last few months, every time I match with a guy, we only message on the apps back and forth maybe twice before sending me a message along the lines of, hey, I'm not always. We only message on the apps back and forth maybe twice before sending me a message along the lines of, hey, I'm not always great at messaging on the apps. Can I get your cell number? Yeah. That's annoying. And that. That's not how I want to meet. And again, I don't think pushing yourself to go on these dates is the answer. It was called Tinder because it was a flip. It was a little tiny, a little spark. That's what these were meant to say. These were meant for a little spark. Again, go to the initial thinking. The initial thinking is that this little Tinder could turn into a flame. And you're trying to go from dirt to a flame. I'm not sure why this turns me off. Is it too much to ask for some banter before determining if I want to give me some Is it too much to ask for some banter before determining if I want to give my number to a stranger that I haven't met yet? Yeah, I'm with you. And you don't have to play it up. You're talking to someone who's been on the dating apps, who knows the dating apps, what you're doing right now, and I'm giving you feedback. I. To a stranger. Stranger danger. Oh, my God. We know. We know. The dating apps offer people. You don't know. And people should take more care. And guess what? That should be a sign for you to walk away. Hey, I like to talk on the apps before I go. I'm going to. This is what the apps are for. That's the annoying part. And you can't say it to them. You're not going to teach anybody anything on a dating app. And it's okay. You. You wrote. I'm not sure why this turns me off. It does. It doesn't have to make it make sense. It turns me off. Hey, I don't really get back to people here. Here's my number. Maybe we can chitchat more. No, we have. We're here now. Are we having a chit chat? That sucks. Okay, I'm going to move on. I know that might sound ridiculous considering our phone numbers are all available online.

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

That now you're going this extra. I, I, I can't disagree. I've just, I don't mean to disagree with your email so much because you are a Patreon. Subscriber again, like, I, I under, I, I'm here to give you real reactions that your friends would never give you. When you say, oh my God, I got to give my number to a stranger online, your friends are going to look at you and go, well, that's the fucking premise. Yeah, we all know everyone's a stranger. That's what I'm telling you. And when you say our numbers are already available online, if someone said to me, hey, I don't really like to chit chat on the apps. Do you mind if we exchange numbers? And I was like, you know what? I really feel more comfortable if we just chitchat in the app because I'd like to make a decision here and then go on a date from here. And then they were like, well, your number's already available online. Look, I already found it. Why are you being such a prude? I'd be like, that person's a crazy person. So for you to say, well, they're already available online, so why am I putting up a fight? Well, yeah, normal people don't go search your number online after you won't give it. And I've given my number to guys I've met at bars after a brief exchange. A bar. And again, you're comparing. These are not the same things. At a bar. You smell someone, you feel their vibe. It is totally different. Of course, here's my number. We've already had half a first date. And what you're saying when you give. So these are false equivalencies. I've given my number and it's an equivalency that if someone, you're saying I'm turned off when someone asked for my number prematurely on the apps. And then you're saying, well, I've given my number to people at bars. You mentioned nothing at those bar experiences about premature and all. And whether you didn't, that's not the same. So you're being hard on yourself. You know you're being hard on yourself now that I'm taking a step back from this email and I'm saying you're being ridiculous on yourself. The conversations you're having with yourself are not fair to you. I think it's a combo of my name slash pictures being available in the apps and possibility of the guys being a complete stalker weirdo I get, I guess I feel a false sense of safety staying on the apps until we meet. Listen, I, I, I can't deny what you're saying, that there's going to be weirdos, there's Going to be stalkers. There's dangerous people out there. But if you can't get beyond that and get beyond the dating apps and being and, and, and trusting yourself to protect yourself as much as you can, then maybe you can't be on the dating apps. That's a choice as well because right now, and again, your response to yourself, you're, you're, you're being reasonable. Hey, I want to chitchat on the app before I give my number out. Hey, this was premature. If you're looking for my number now, it's a no from me. Those are all reasonable responses. But then you go to the land of unreasonable to give justification to your reasonable response. You don't have a false sense of safety staying on the apps until we meet. Yet you're thinking of the most extreme, most horrific thing that could happen, which I agree you need to be thinking of. But if someone is already asking for your number, they're not for you. And that's okay. You don't have to say, well, you know, I have this false sense of security. No, we all are doing our best and using our past to make sure that we're safe for the future. However, I'm not sure how to tell a guy, I don't know if you're a stalker yet. I'll give it to you if we hit it off in person. So now you've changed the email

[C]

you

[B]

started with has to do exchanging numbers on dating apps. I'm a 30 year old straight woman who's on back of the apps for the last few months every time I match with a guy, we only message on the apps back and forth maybe twice before sending me a message along the lines of ham not that's to me. These are two different questions. If someone said. If I said to someone, hey, nice to meet you, I love your picture that shows you playing baseball, who's your favorite team? And then they said, hey, I don't really like to chit chat on the apps. Can I give, can we get our numbers? That's a no. Goodbye, walk away unmatched. They're not for you, they're not matching your style. That's okay, you lose nothing. Now if you're saying, hey, I don't know if you're a stalker yet, I'll give it to you. If we hit it off in person, if you've had a conversation and I do and you enjoyed the conversation, they're like, well, let me get your number so I can make a date. And you say, hey, I like to Keep things on the app just for now, you know, until we go on a date and see if we hit it off there. That's a perfectly reasonable explanation of that. And you should go on that date. If they are cool with your. Your lead that you're taking. You're taking a lead. Hey, this was a lot of fun. I'd love to go on a date with you. Oh, I would love to go on a date. Let's make a plan. And I'm there. Hey, let me get your number. I'll be able to send you all the plans there. You know what, I'm not like big on giving out my number to people I haven't met yet in person, but I'd love to go out with you. Make a plan here. And I'm down. I'm open Tuesday and Thursday of next week. Look at. I just did the whole conversation now. I do think your problem goes back to the beginning of this email. This year I've been trying to remain open to go on dates even if I'm not immediately interested based on their profile. I completely disagree with this premise. I don't think you have to go on dates from a dating app to act like you're trying. And that's the problem you have. You're saying, well, if I don't go on these dates from a dating apps, I'll never go out at all. No, I think you can lean too hard on the dating apps. I have done that as well. Let's, let's look at your free time. Your free time is meant to be alone and have some alone time. Spend time with family, spend time with friends, go on dates. I would put that as your. Your free time. There's a pie there. You got to have alone time. You got to have family time, you got to have friend time. You got to have daytime. If you're doing all these forcing yourself to go on these days, I think these family and friend times could help your daytime. And you don't have to go out with everyone you match with. Let's have some. So I think this all goes back to that to me also. I've been on the apps on and off for years. This has been, this has only been prevalent in the last few months. Is this really the fact that men don't like the app messaging or do they all have wives they're cheating on and have to delete the apps? You are doing in this question what you've done the whole email and phones have such a convenient push notification these days. Am I being ridiculous? Or is it okay I want to meet? Or is it want to. Or is it okay to want some back and forth banter or in person dates before exchanging numbers. Thanks for all you do. I think to me your email is like. It's all in your email. You need to go back and reread it. I did a piecemeal because that's how we answer emails here. But even that paragraph, you go from totally what you want is totally reasonable. And then you're explaining the world around you with unreasonable. You're making assumptions that everyone is the most extreme of everything, but all you want is something reasonable. And if you don't get what you're looking for, which is perfectly reasonable, which is a nice little conversation on the apps and that that leads to a date, that leads to exchanging numbers and maybe getting to know each other enough to then become a relationship. That is the whole premise of the apps. And then you're saying, but you know, it's all these men with wives on here that are probably trying to get out of talking on the apps because of the push notifications. That is, you have gone to the movie version that people would watch. No one. We're not living in the movie. You've gone to extremism. This is dating extremism. You're believing what you've heard online. I have to, I'm giving you feedback. You gotta, as the kids say, touch grass. I'll reread this paragraph and listen, you can disagree. Go to, give me, give me feedback on Spotify. Because anyone could. And here's the thing, anyone could say to me, jared, there are men cheating on these apps. Yes, there are. Jared, there's stalker weirdos on the. Yes, there are. And if you can't handle that possibility or feel that you have the mind to be able to like suss these things out and listen, anyone could be lied to. Anyone could be lied to. But if you don't trust yourself to make the right decisions for yourself and then deal with the consequences that come with them, then the dating apps are not for you. But this paragraph, I've been on the apps on and off for years. This has been, this has only been more prevalent last few months. No, it hasn't. I was on the apps the last 15 years. I've had this happen for 15 years. So no, wrong. Is this really the fact that men don't like the app messaging or do they all have the have wives they're cheating on and have to delete the apps? That may be the case or your day. I Think you got to start local. It's. I just think you phones have such convenient push notification these days. Again, everything is special in particular to these days. You are not living in a a normal reality. You. Everything that could happen will happen is what you're saying. Am I being ridiculous? You're being ridiculous or is it okay? This is crazy. Your emails, your reasons that could happen are ridiculous. But you're going. This is a question that you don't want to be answered on. Am I being ridiculous or is it okay to want some back and forth banter? No, it's not okay to want back and forth banter. What do you think I'm going to fucking answer? You deserve to have a date that was arrived on in a comfortable way. You deserve to feel excited about a date. You deserve to feel safe going on a date. These are all things you deserve. I think when you're pushing yourself to go out with as you wrote, people, even if I don't like their profiles, I think you're setting yourself up for a disaster because you're pushing through all these red flags to maybe find a green one. If you don't like a profile, move the fuck on. It's okay to have taste. It's okay to be turned off, especially on a dating app. They were built for you to go ugh without them having to see it. They were built to safely turn people down to swipe left without them knowing that you took their face and just got rid of it. So I think you should go back and reread your email and realize that you're using the most extreme like evidence to make it so you can have a normal opinion. And I don't think that's fair to you. I don't think that's fair to the I listen, I'm not saying, I'm not going to say it's not fair to the apps because I would just delete them if you can't get beyond this. They're not for everybody. But I think when you say, you know, I just want to have a chit chat on the app and you know, because of all these stalkers, well, how about I just want to have a chit chat in the app and if they don't want to, they're not for me and I'm turned off and I'm going to unmatch them and move on to someone who will and who cares what their situation is. Who cares if they're a stalker. Good thing I avoided them. J train podcast gmail.com j train podcast com. We have one sponsor support the sponsors, they support the show. That's the way the show kind of moves along. Hero Bread. Hit your health goals with Hero Bread and they're delicious. Better for you bread products. Hero Bread is high in fiber, low in net carbs with zero grams of sugar. Try subbing out your regular noodles for Hero Noodles or have a Tex Mex night with the 2 gram net carb. Hero tortillas burrito sties. I love this. I'm a huge fan of Herobred. I have it. It's my. It's my freezer toast. They have great toast that goes with your eggs and it gets you that crunch that you want in the morning and it's going to do it better than the toast you would have had there. So it's going to have zero net, zero grams of sugar, low net carbs, higher in fiber, keep you fuller, longer. You'd never know. Herobred is low net carb and higher in fiber. It tastes great. The texture is fantastic. I can attest to that. Herobred is offering 10 10% off your order. Go to Hero Co. Use code feather a checkout. That's code Feather at H E R o dot co. We got two more emails. Jared, longtime listener and subscriber of J Train you up and all things the jcu. Thank you. I've seen a bunch of your live shows in New York City. I'm a big fan of all your work. Thank you. My fiance and I are New York City natives and are having a destination wedding in Italy next year. Congratulations. May 2027. So we're a year away. I know traveling for an international wedding is a huge ask for guests, so I'm coming straight to the expert. What are your must do's don'ts as a guest for a wedding destination? As a guest? Well, you're the host. What are your must do's slash don'ts as a guest? So you're looking for me to make the rules so that if they break them, Jared says you're a dick. What should I be intentional about? Planning to make sure the guests have the best and smoothest experience possible. And some key points I'm curious about. Okay, let's get to their key points. Plus ones. Ideally, I'd wanted to stick with only giving plus ones to married and live in couples for budget reasons. But is that crazy? Considerate? Inconsiderate for an international wedding? Does it make a difference if the guest without plus ones definitely know and can travel. Definitely know and can travel with other people.

[A]

I Wouldn't.

[B]

This is so tough because I, I, I honestly, I understand the cost is the cost. I mean the cost is the, is the thing. You, you would have everybody if it cost, if it, if it wasn't cost prohibitive. So I know with international weddings you're asking people to travel a long way and if you don't give them a plus one, I, I've always been a not plus one user if I wasn't in a relationship. So like I, it's hard for me to be, my bias would show that I don't think you need to give plus ones. And you're putting people who are on their own into situation into, you're putting them into a situation that might be a fun adventure adventure for them and they know each other and they can make plans together, you know, and then I would go back and I'd be like, well, why don't you go guess by guess. You say that person needs a plus one, that person doesn't. But then the person you don't give it to will complain to you. And I do agree that you need like a hard and fast rule. But then married plus ones and live in couples for budget reasons. Yeah, live in couples. What do you do if it's a one year boyfriend or girlfriend? I, this is so tough. I, I think, yeah, I, I, I think you kind of leave room for someone to be brave enough to ask you for the plus one and you be open to it. You be kind of like a benevolent dictator. This is so tough. I mean like, it's hard when it like, okay, so for the, well, does it make a difference of the guests without plus ones definitely know and can travel with other people. Like, I don't like that. Like, I'll give you my initial feedback. I don't need you telling me who I know and should feel comfortable with traveling. That's my feedback to you as host of a international wedding in Italy. And when you start talking about cost and cost prohibitive, you're doing a destination wedding in Italy, you kind of have to stop telling people about how much it's costing you. We don't give a fuck. Have a wedding in the Catskills if you want a cheap wedding. So like, so this is me giving you unfiltered feedback to your email because it's hard for me to answer, but I can tell you what immediately gives my stomach pain. So when you say I only want, I, ideally I want to stick with only and I'm happy we're having this conversation because then you don't have to have it with your guests. I wanted to stick with only giving plus ones to married and live in couples for budget reasons. To me, just stop saying budget reasons. You're doing a wedding in Italy. You've taken yourself out of using the word budget. So not saying you're the queen of Genova, but I am saying none of us want to hear it. None of us peasants, none of us unmarried peasants who didn't get a plus one, who don't get to share their apartment rent with a partner. Want to hear about your budget reasons when you're doing a wedding in Italy? So that's my feedback to that. But is that crazy and considerate for an international wedding? No. You've made a rule. Go with it. So I would say stop having these, like. Well, it's budget reasons. No, you're having a wedding in Milan. Miss, we're going to be eating, you know, pasta cups off of. Off of a ballerina's tits and you're talking about budget reasons. Does it make a difference of the guests without plus ones? Definitely no. And can travel with other people. Don't say that. That's not your responsibility. You're not making play dates. I don't want that as a single guest at your wedding. Well, you have a lot of friends here. Fuck off. Married woman having her wedding in Tuscany. I don't need you to tell me how many friends I have that I can travel with. You get to travel with your husband and have sex the whole time. I'm gonna be beaten off into a tissue paper in the fucking Tuscany. So we're living different lives. Don't tell me. I know people. So that's my feedback. That welcome party, farewell brunch, I've seen it done both ways. Do you need both? Is it okay to just pick one or the other? Yeah. No one. No one questions it if you don't bring it up. Hey, guys. I would rather the welcome. I would. I think if you're getting into budget concerns to me, what you do with the welcome drinks or. Well, I think you do. Welcome drinks.

[A]

Hey.

[B]

And it's the kickoff to the weekend, so what you're doing with the welcome drinks, you're giving everyone a definitive date that they can end their travels if they're going to put. If they're going to make a trip leading into your trip, then they can. Then that becomes a part of their planning process. Goodbye brunch. I don't want that. I don't want to have to stick around. I want to be able to do the wedding, wake up the next day, and then maybe go on my trip that I've planned for after your wedding, the brunch is in the way. That should be family. Close family. You want to do a brunch, you make it close family. I do think. I don't think you need both. I think you go welcome party. Because, hey, everybody, you've made long journeys to get here and we're going to get, you know, again, do it based on your budget. Maybe you get nothing. At a minimum. I've never been to a welcome party where, where I had to pay and cared. I'm already there. So as far as budget is concerned, if they're like, I do, I always appreciate a place where we're all convening. Hey, the weekend starts. The wedding weekend. Come if you'd like. Starts at Piazza del Martini and you can all come and we're gonna be there hanging out. They got a band there. Like, I always like when a wedding. I always think the cheap version that is helpful. Go to a place that already has a live band. Like I think when there's that welcome party, the best way to go is there's a live band at this bar that's in the town that we love going to. And it's a personal thing that we love and we've been going for years. I always like when I'm being introduced to a place by the couple who chose to have the destination wedding. And I would assume you have your places. If you don't, I'd be like, why the fuck am I here? What? Cuz they saw Pisa in a, in a, in a, in a magazine itinerary. How much do guests want planned for them during their trip? I want a welcome party. I want a place to meet you the night before. And then I want the wedding. That's it. I've heard a lot of people on Instagram say they don't want their entire trip micromanaged by the couple. But I've also heard the opinion that it's customary to plan and pay for activities excursions for people while they're there. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, it is not. You don't pay for that shit. No, I wouldn't. It's to me where me fry. Let's say the wedding Saturday, Friday night, we're meeting here for drinks. There's a band that plays in the bar. And Saturday, the wedding. If you need car services, I think you have to make those available to people. Here's the car service we like. Here's the hotel we love. Here's the part of town we like. I think writing out the things you like, like this is our Tuscany. Take it or leave it. Now you give people the ability to opt in and you don't have to pay any at all. Advice is welcome. For extra context. I'm 30 female. My fiance is 33 male. Everyone will be traveling for the wedding. We're inviting 125 people, but realistically expecting closer to 50. Thanks for all you do. Don't want to be a bridezilla. No. I think I've given you good feedback if I do say so myself. I really think not being talked down to is like a big part of these destination weddings. And when you start talking about your budget to the, to the losers you invited that are single and paying a full rent, not splitting with anyone and taking a fifteen hundred dollar, you know, airplane trip, no one cares. So. And I don't think we want things planned. We want to know the insider's take that you would be assumed to have because you're having your wedding there. You're having your wedding in an area at a place because you love that place and you want to show your friends and family that place that you love. Give us all the insider tips that let us know what we should do while we're there. What we should see the car service that's going to be that you've already prepped. Hey, a wedding is coming. You're going to have tons of business. Jtrain podcast gmail.com jtrain podcastmail.com One more email. Send in your emails. We love these are great questions. These are great because they're specific and they're about everything. Dating, relationships, you know, weddings. We love them. Family issues. Jared, huge fan. Coffee with J Train subscriber. Excited to see your show in LA soon. Well, we already did it. Thank you for coming. 29 female have struggled with body image my whole Life. I started WeGovy about six months ago and it has honestly been life changing. I've lost about 30 pounds and still have some more weight to lose to be what my doctor considers healthy. But even more importantly I feel this emotional weight lifted off. Lifted. I well the whole show was about GLP1 so I hope you enjoyed the show. More importantly, I feel this emotional weight lifted off of me. I have really been enjoying all your GLP1 updates and how candidly you've been speaking about the mindset emotional benefits of GLP1s that people seem to ignore. My issue question is around how to deal with Comments other people make. I have only told my parents and my boyfriend about being on WeGovy and I don't really feel comfortable discussing it and my body issues with anyone else. I am constantly hearing people make jokes and comments about GLP1s in a negative way. Usually jokes about celebrities, influencers being too thin, people not eating because of GLP1s or just general comments about how bad GLP1s are for society in general. Well, as someone on a GLP1, I've heard all these things. The bad for society in general. Like if I heard that, I would wanna see who this miserable fuck is. Like, I don't. That to me is like an extremist. And again, we think of extremism with only politics. But I think it's time to start thinking of extremism in terms of just opinions online because the only way to jump out with your GLP1 opinion is to say that it's ruining society now. It is changing society. I, if I want to stay local when I buy snacks, they're not gone 15 minutes after I've bought them. Which I do think at some point translates to how the snacking industry is going to go because I can't be alone in that. But to say it's ruining society, you need to, you need to suss out who you're hearing this from. And again, when you say people, we, this is another thing. Like I'm not, I'm not going to like speak, you know, I try to eradicate people are saying from my vocabulary. I'm trying to get general comments. Let's get specific, who is that person? And let's go look through their credentials to tell us that society is crumbling because people are having a better handle on how they eat and their weight. So I'm giving you feedback on what you're saying is crazy talk. But what you're saying is something many do right now is. And again now I'm doing people. And it's hard to do. It's hard, hard to, it's hard to not generalize. But what you hear a lot is people using people. This quote, people as well. It must be a going opinion that's out there that the normal everyday Joe and Jim has. And I don't think that's true that everyone's walking around saying that I don't think this opinion is worth a thought, that it's ruining society. I think that's an extremist take that someone does so they can be heard. But that's my opinion. I know this is a Me issue. But the comments make me feel very embarrassed that, I mean, that I'm taking WeGovy and like I'm hiding some huge secret. It also makes me feel weird that these people are saying these things in front of me. Is it not obvious to them that I am. Was overweight and seem to be losing weight? Do they know? Well, this is. Maybe this is like, you know, I'm never going to tell you how to feel because I can't. But I would say, like, no one's, you know, you're saying, well, don't they see that I'm, you know, dealing with my weight? So why would they make fun of Aovi in front of me? Maybe people didn't think you were overweight in the way you thought you were overweight. You know, that's like, that's some gentle feedback, you know, to say to you, like, maybe you. You see yourself differently than other people see you. And I deal with that all the time. Oh, my God. You know why you talk. You, you know, you're talking about, we'll go in front of me. You know, I would feel that too. So that's a little bit of like, you know, we see ourselves a certain way and maybe people see you that way and think that you're someone they can talk about. We'll go in front of. But I'm. I, again, this is all on the conversation of telling you how to feel, which I can't do. Do they know? Assume I'm on a GLP1 and are making these comments on purpose. Purpose. Am I reading way too much into this? Yes, you are. I really appreciate how open and vulnerable you have been with the whole process, and I'm wondering if you have any advice for me. Well, I hope you enjoyed the show because it is about this exact topic you're bringing up the. The weird thing of. The weird feelings of how a GLP1 comes into your life. I'm not sure if I would ever be comfortable talking about it as openly as you, but any tips? I would say when you say, when you say, do they know? Assume I'm on a GLP1 or making these comments on purpose. The only I. That's a reason to not keep it a secret. Thank you. A GLP1 betch. I. I think telling people becomes your power. I think treating it like it's ADD medication, which I have said many times, is what it will end up being. You know, I'm on a GLP1 to. Because I. Because I, you know, because I. It's not because Because I'm overweight. It's because I don't have that thing in me that tells me I'm full. Like, I'm on the. I went from the 0:25 to the 0:50 setting recently, and it's just amazing to me because I eat. I'm going out. We just went to a great Italian place. My family, my brother, his wife Emily, we all went. We ate like pigs. But I noticed I ate differently than I. Than I had in before GLP1. I. It kind of took out that extra eating that I would have done that I would have hated myself for. I didn't regret when I stopped eating in the way I used to regret stopping eating before. But I will say, and this is a line that my dad says, and you probably are going to be offended by it. And I'm just, I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm saying, you know, trigger warning. My dad has always said this. He says, fat people have the best hearing. No one has better hearing than a fat person. And that means because we're all sensitive. And I say we because I'm in that group. And there's actually a bit I've been thinking about with the GLP1, and it's like. And it's exactly what you're talking about. I, you know, I want to tell people, but I, I want to control their reaction. You know, I don't want, you know, when you tell someone you're on a GLP1, you don't want them going, oh, I noticed. Oh, my God, your, your skin and bones. But you also don't want them being like, you, you really, you. You started one. I didn't even notice you lost any weight at all. Like, I need this perfect reaction, which isn't fair to them. So I think we also have to, like, look in the mirror a little bit and go, you know, we're a little sensitive. And I, and, and here's the other thing to kind of explain this. You see people making fun of a GLP1 because they can, you know, if you said any other issue, it would be considered punching down for some reason. And maybe it's because you can afford to eat. Maybe it's because you can afford to take the medication. For some reason, making fun of people on a GLP1 is just allowable. And I, I do understand that a little bit. I do. I, as a joke maker, I do get why it's okay to make fun of someone on a GLP1, and it's not okay to make fun of someone who might be on, you know, depression medication. You know, like, you can't. These are not the same. But you're dealing with things that are beyond your control in both cases. I think what people don't think is that eating is beyond someone's control, which

[A]

I would disagree with.

[B]

I think even this small level of eating that I was able to not do the other night at the big Italian feast is beyond my control. And that's a hard thing to admit. So I think telling people has made, it, makes it better. But I can't tell you that you, if you don't want to do that, I can understand. Like the other thing is what won't work is someone having fun with the subject of a GLP one. You be like, well, I'm on it. Do you think that I've given up? Like, you're just not going to, you're not, not going to have fun with that interaction either. So my advice to you would be to tell friends and family and I don't know, maybe like slowly you've already told your family and your boyfriend, but maybe tell a few more people that might help you. If you're feeling like you're hiding it, then it becomes this like negative thing. It's not negative. You're doing something to improve your life. It's a miracle drug in the same way that ADHD medication is a miracle drug. And so depression medication, this science is there, you're using it, you're doing it and it's working. J train podcast gmail.com jtrain podcast gmail.com mailbag Monday back next week.

[A]

Boom. The first time I ever called a girl I liked, I had to use the phone book. I was in middle school. Her name was Morgan Marks and I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend. My 12 year old logic was sound. She lived near me and she was like cute, but not in a way that made every other prepubescent guy obsessed with her. That's the play for any self conscious middle school boy.

[B]

Find someone who you can see yourself

[A]

hanging around Aeropostale with for two or three weekends, who's also totally pretty but not so popular that you ever have to find out how you stack up against literally anyone else. Her name wasn't really Morgan Marks for privacy stuff, but you bet your ass I remember her name in this audiobook. I'll never use real names. I can't shake the idea of a woman in the suburbs being bothered by this audiobook while trying to get an iPad out of her kids. Hands before bed. Once I decided I was going to call, I thought about it the whole day. My life was going to change. It was the 12 year old equivalent of buying a peloton. You know how you start imagining yourself with abs and hanging out at the beach? Like totally. Let's take more pictures of ourselves. Well, that was me. Except instead of confident swimsuit posts, I had visions of us holding hands in the hallway and slow dancing at parties. This was it. I was about to move from an adolescent side character into the cool, confident main character of maturity. I was going to be dating someone as soon as I got home from school. I went up to my room. I practiced saying hi, is Morgan home? And would you want to be my girlfriend? Over and over and over again until I felt sure I couldn't mess it up. I got her number from the previously mentioned phone book and picked up my house's second phone line. Do you remember the second line?

[B]

When a call came through and someone

[A]

was already on the phone, the call

[B]

would push through to the other line.

[A]

Our second line was one number away from our first line. 9022 and 9021 yes. Like 90210? Yes. I used that as a pickup line multiple times in high school and maybe a couple of days ago at a bar in the West Village. For some reason I decided that it

[B]

would be safer to use the second

[A]

line to permanently alter the trajectory of my existence. I picked up that receiver and started to dial. Almost the instant I pushed the seventh and final number, my mom picked up the phone.

[B]

Jared, who you calling?

[A]

Why are you on the second line? She screamed. She continued yelling questions in rapid succession and increasing volume without leaving any space for me to answer more accusations than inquiries in classic Jewish mom style. Jared, Jared, answer me. Who are you calling? Do you know this is the second line? Why aren't you answering me? Then Morgan's mom picked up. Hello? Who's this?

[B]

It's Kim.

[A]

Who is this? I threw down the receiver, sweating and panting as if I'd just outrun a murderer. I could still hear my mom on the floor below. Who is this? Eventually she yelled up the stairs. Jared, why are you calling the Marxes? It was an accident. I lied to my mother for the first and only time ever in my life.

[B]

That's a lie.

[A]

Why are you even on the phone? I ignored her and started playing video games, refusing to so much as look at the phone on the other side of the room. To me, the three way call disaster was a sign and a warning. A bad thing had happened. So that romantic prospect was over. I never told anyone what happened. I never called back. I never asked Morgan out at all. The end I know what you're thinking. Did this idiot just start an audiobook about modern dating with a story about using a landline to dial a number he found in the phone book to not actually ask someone out?

[B]

Yeah, I did.

[A]

Because the dating advice I think is most important is, at its core, timeless. Number one, most romantic disasters make good stories. Number two, you should always try again. I guess technically the message of this story could be summed up as don't be a middle school boy about shit. But I would hope that's a code you're already living by as I speak to you now. We are in the mid-2020s and we are living in an absolutely bonkers era of dating. In the past 20 years, we've gone from calling crushes on landlines to poking them on Facebook, to saying ew, they still have Facebook. To scrolling, to swiping, to watching their stories, to liking those stories, to flirting in the comments section of a TikTok stand up clip about gender reveal parties. And because the trends and platforms move and change so fast, it can feel like we're constantly playing catch up. It's like you learn something new every day, except it's always about dating and it's going to be irrelevant tomorrow. On top of that, this onslaught of change means there's a big market for advice on how to handle it. Sometimes that advice can feel more confusing and guilt inducing than the actual dating world itself. There are listicles and relationship therapists and any motherfucker with a podcast out there making a lot of money telling you how wrong you are about something and how much your romantic situation is your own fault. But dealing with all this is not as simple as just plugging your ears

[B]

and going la la la la.

[A]

Anytime someone talks about dating. Dating is a huge part of life. We don't do it in a vacuum. We want to learn from and quietly laugh at other people's experiences while taking lessons from them and feeling glad we're not them. Which is, I'm guessing, a big part of why you're listening to this audiobook. You've either committed fully and already gotten the whole thing, or you're listening to a free trial. I don't know where you are, but you're deciding right now, do I want to listen to this book?

[B]

And you're doing it.

[A]

Maybe at a gate while you wait for the flight to Charleston, while you inhale a cold $20 chicken salad sandwich. Either way, you're the kind of person who sees nine hours of dating advice and thinks there might be something for me here. That or you hated me in college and you were like, this idiot has an audiobook and you started listening so you could take a screenshot to send to a huge group chat of people who will discuss how little I banged and question why anyone would ask that guy who frequently wore three polos with all the collars popped what he thought about dating, in which case, hi, I'd probably do the same, but joke's on

[B]

you because they paid me a lot

[A]

of money for this. No matter who you are, I want to start off by saluting you, my comrade in the dating trenches, for deciding that your friend who got married to their third grade sweetheart but still has really loud Tinder opinions at the brunch table probably isn't the best source of advice on how to text someone back. And yeah, I just did the thing where I kind of compared dating to war.

[B]

But not because I think love is

[A]

gruesome or that texting requires boot camp training at West Point, or because I wanted you to know that I'm masculine enough to put the words boot camp and West Point in my book twice. Ladies, Is my penis big enough yet? Okay, I'll stop. To me, the dating is a battlefield stuff rings true because it's all so fucking messy and confusing. That and it has led to many good hot people to get really bad haircuts. And don't worry, this book wasn't written from the other side. It wasn't written from a dining room table at the home I've built with my soulmate and two kids in Live Laugh Love Connecticut. It didn't get written from a working vacation on the beaches of Cannes with my beautiful girlfriend walking funny because the 30 carat diamond ring I'm about to propose with is weighing down my right pocket. I didn't even write this from the bed of a successful friends with benefits situation that I finally figured out how to make not weird. Nope. I wrote this book in the notes app of my phone while sitting on the toilet inside a 700 square foot studio apartment that I rented. I'm about as far from a high horse as you can get. I'm right there with you. I'm here to make you sigh. A big old sigh of I'm not alone relief. I'm here to be relatable. Not in the bullshit oh wow, they have the hair, skin and bank account of my wildest dreams. But sometimes they also Say you too, when the Uber driver tells them to have a nice flightway, it's more in a I have also worn a swimsuit as underwear to work because I'm behind on laundry and don't totally understand what a 401k is way. I think a lot of our collective anxiety from dating stems from the feeling that we are the only people in the world who feel certain things, act in certain ways, or have certain ideas about how things should be. I'm here to reassure you that that is entirely wrong. No one is better than you. No one has this shit figured out. And critically, no one is thinking about you and your dating life that much. And before you call me out in the comments, that's not supposed to be harsh honesty. That's supposed to be freeing honesty. The lies we tell ourselves don't always make us feel better. In a lot of cases, they make us feel worse and more alone.

[B]

I hope this audiobook can give you

[A]

honesty in a way that makes you feel more confident that it can free you from berating yourself for hours worrying. Maybe I messed up that text I just sent. Because you didn't. I promise. You didn't mess up anything.

[C]

Okay, but who are you?

[B]

Whoa. Hey.

[C]

Hi.

[A]

Who are you?

[C]

I asked you first.

[A]

Yeah, but you just kind of showed up in my audiobook and I'm the

[C]

voice of every woman reading and or listening. Almost kinda. You can call me Vera. It's almost kind of an acronym. Voice of every woman reading and or listening. Almost kind of. Vera.

[B]

Hey, Vera.

[A]

That's a clever thing you did there with the name.

[C]

Thank you. I was almost named. The women listening now are thinking. But the almost kinda acronym for that is twalmat. So yes, Vera is better.

[A]

Yes. Yes, it is.

[C]

I'm here so that you can address questions or concerns or thoughts that the listener might have without having to say. And I know you might be thinking 3,700 times over the course of the audiobook.

[A]

That is super helpful. I was concerned about that.

[C]

I know.

[A]

Because you're me.

[C]

Technically, yes.

[B]

But you're also the listener.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Okay, cool, cool.

[A]

And you're going to be hanging out the whole audiobook when it's helpful.

[C]

Like if you say something dumb and need an excuse to explain further.

[B]

Awesome.

[C]

Can I ask my question now?

[B]

Yes, of course.

[C]

Who are you? More specifically, who the hell are you to be giving anyone advice?

[A]

This is a very fair question, Vera. Listener. Given my less than impressive stats and opener, I can appreciate that I might not feel like the most comforting guide for this high stakes journey. Imagine your mom asking oh, what are you listening to? And you'd have to say something like I'm learning how to date better from a 40 year old man who wrote most of his books shirtless in a studio apartment with nothing on the walls and sheets that get washed bimonthly. Obviously don't actually tell her that we want her to live to her next birthday so she can passive aggressively say should I wish for my daughter to find someone right before she blows out her candles. It's not even a studio apartment with an alcove, which honestly, I'm not embarrassed about. Nobody is more annoying than a person with an alcove. Studio.

[B]

We get it.

[A]

You found a weirdly shaped apartment that helps you feel less like you sleep next to your stovetop. Imagine an apartment shaped like a shoebox where there is a couch next to the bed and absolutely no room for a coffee table. That's where I've written this book that you found in the self help section. If we went out, had a few drinks and then came back to my place, I think that you'd react differently depending on your age. If you're in your early 20s, you'd be like, wow, he doesn't have a roommate. Did I just sleep with Christian Grey? But any woman who has filed more than five years of income tax returns would probably wake up and think, is this where my life really is right now? I thought I'd be married with kids in the suburbs, but. But I just hooked up with a guy whose sheets smell like an under dried towel. He has a photo of himself next to a portrait of Tom Brady and they're not even hung up, they're just leaning against the wall like that's the same thing. He can't even hang up a photo. He can't even hire a task rabbit to hang up the photo that he can't hang up. And I'm expecting this to go somewhere. Honestly, I don't know who is worse off right now. Me. A guy who just realized all his socks are in the hamper so I'm going to have to go sockless in the middle of winter until I decide to do laundry or you, the person who is taking my advice to become a better dater. And look, I'm not trying to scare you away. I'm trying to lightly shake the romanticism out of you. I'm a normal guy, which means I can help you figure out some of the whys you wanted from your ex during the breakup. The answers he was never going to give. Because sometimes it's just too hard to say outright that you like someone, but you'll never marry them. I know that stung. I'm sorry. Remember how my apartment's so small, sometimes I roll over in bed to get my phone and accidentally grab a spatula that still has some egg on it from yesterday? Feel better. Okay, Good. I know this because I've been talking about dating for more than a decade. My podcasts have millions of listeners, and I've sold out shows across the country. Yes, I'm bragging. I'm not going to serve you up some bullshit like I'm just trying to make you feel confident in my credentials. I'm straight up bragging because I know my shit. I've talked about every dating scenario under the sun.