April Fools & Big Moves with Noah Gardenswartz - CHIT CHAT WEDNESDAY - The JTrain Podcast w Jared Freid

Summary

The JTrain Podcast: April Fools & Big Moves with Noah Gardenswartz - CHIT CHAT WEDNESDAY

Release Date: April 2, 2025

In this engaging episode of The JTrain Podcast, host Jared Freid welcomes long-time friend and recurring guest, Noah Gardenswartz. The conversation spans a variety of topics, from April Fools' pranks and life transitions to the intricacies of family dynamics and the vibrant Jewish community in Las Vegas. Here's a detailed breakdown of the episode:

1. Introduction and April Fools' Prank

The episode kicks off with Jared expressing excitement about having Noah back on the show. Noah shares a humorous yet heart-stopping experience where his wife plays an April Fools' prank by texting him that she’s pregnant. Recorded on April 1st, Noah was initially frantic, sending multiple texts back and forth, only to discover at [02:30] that it was all a joke. This lighthearted exchange sets the tone for a candid and relatable conversation about maintaining a strong marriage through playful antics.

Notable Quote:

• Noah Gardenswartz ([02:30]): "I think I'm pregnant. And come on now. I completely forgot that it's April 1st for all listeners."

2. Moving to Las Vegas: Lifestyle and Community

Noah delves into his recent move to Las Vegas, discussing the challenges and rewards of relocating with a wife and two children. He highlights the friendly nature of Las Vegas, portraying it as a city where transplants feel welcome and can easily integrate into established communities. Noah emphasizes the importance of built-in communities, such as local schools, sports leagues, and the Jewish community, which help in forging meaningful friendships.

Notable Quote:

• Noah Gardenswartz ([07:56]): "Vegas is a city where most people are transplant. So everyone knows what it's like to be the new kid in town."

3. The Jewish Community in Las Vegas

A significant portion of the discussion centers around the Jewish community in Las Vegas. Noah describes it as diverse, with a mix of Ashkenazi Jews from California and a substantial Middle Eastern Jewish population. This blend creates a sustainable yet intimate community where members often know each other, fostering a sense of belonging and mutual support.

Notable Quote:

• Noah Gardenswartz ([08:21]): "The Vegas Jewish community is great. It's big enough to have a very sustainable community, but small enough where everyone eventually knows each other."

4. Navigating Comedian Life and Performances

Jared and Noah exchange insights on the life of a comedian, touching upon the balance between performing, writing new material, and maintaining a personal life. They discuss upcoming shows, including Noah's performance at the Boca Black Box on June 20th, and Jared shares his own experiences with canceled shows and the unpredictability of life on the road.

Notable Quote:

• Jared Freid ([16:11]): "Never played 18 holes in my life. Never. I just got yelled at for three hours by my dad."

5. Parenting and Family Dynamics

The conversation shifts to parenting, where Noah humorously describes his two young sons as "monster psychopaths" who keep him and his wife perpetually active from morning till bedtime. They discuss the joys and challenges of raising children, emphasizing the importance of fostering friendships among siblings and navigating the complexities of extended family relationships.

Notable Quote:

• Noah Gardenswartz ([28:27]): "So the peak is absolutely that they are friends and they entertain each other. The pit is they are absolute monster psychopaths. They're great kids. They're sweet kids."

6. Listener Email: Handling In-Laws During a Family Trip

In a segment addressing listener emails, Jared reads a detailed account of a family vacation gone awry due to in-law conflicts over camper accommodations at Disney. Both Jared and Noah agree that the situation was mishandled by all parties involved, labeling everyone as "assholes" for poor communication and lack of consideration. They offer practical advice on setting clear expectations and ensuring everyone’s needs are met before embarking on family trips.

Notable Quote:

• Noah Gardenswartz ([38:16]): "The only reason the woman writing the email isn't necessarily because it seems like they're paying for everything. But also it's a huge asshole move to put the comfort of a two-year-old over the comfort of five adults."

7. Peaks and Pits: A Fun Game Segment

Emulating the Kardashians' "Peaks and Pits," Jared and Noah share the highlights and low points of their lives. Jared discusses the positive reactions he receives from mentioning his work on The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, while Noah talks about the peace he finds living off the Strip in Las Vegas versus the intense summer heat that poses a challenge.

Notable Quotes:

• Noah Gardenswartz ([19:49]): "Oh, man. I would say the Peak is off the Strip. Surprisingly calm, affordable, peaceful lifestyle. But then on the Strip, you're 15 minutes away from the greatest nightlife and restaurants in the world."
• Jared Freid ([23:10]): "Is it weird that like when you move to Vegas, is there like you're, are you up on the Vegas like financials, like how it's doing as a city?"

8. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, Jared and Noah exchange humorous jabs about personal anecdotes and upcoming performances. They reiterate the importance of community, both in personal life and professional endeavors, and encourage listeners to support Noah’s show in Boca.

Notable Quote:

• Noah Gardenswartz ([42:10]): "Stop embarrassing your father out there. Learn how to swing, would you?"

Final Remarks

This episode of The JTrain Podcast offers a blend of humor, personal stories, and insightful discussions on family, community, and the life of a comedian. Jared and Noah's chemistry makes for an entertaining listen, providing valuable takeaways for anyone navigating similar life transitions or family dynamics.

For more laughs and relatable conversations, tune into The JTrain Podcast every Monday!

Transcript

[Jared Freed]

Chit Chat Wednesday for you to listen to. I have a guess who will be your new boo. You're gonna love them, too. Chit Chat Wednesday. I hope you're having a good day today. I hope it's gonna be a perfect week, too. I hope you have a nice poo. It's a chat Wednesday, too. Today's episode of the J Train podcast is with Noah Garden Schwartz. Noah Garden Schwartz is an OKP of this show, original key player. He's been coming on for years in every iteration of this show, and it's just fantastic to have him. He has a show coming up in Boca in June. He texted me, hey, man, help me put out the word. I was like, come on. Chit Chat Wednesday and let's talk. He moved to Vegas, and moving has been on my mind. So we talk a lot about moving in Vegas and what it's like to live there and having a wife and two kids. He's living a different life than me, and I'm very curious about it. So enjoy today's episode. Noah's fantastic. Go follow him on social media and go to his show in Boca. Boom. Welcome to the new J Train podcast. Hello and welcome to the J Train podcast. Is J Train Jared Freed coming alive from Boca? That's right. Every Wednesday is a Chit Chat Wednesday. I sit down with a comedian, a friend, an expert, and we have a little chit chat. That's our Wednesday show. That's right. And listen, if you have a friend, a coworker, a brother, sister, mama, papa, anyone who likes to put their brain on the shelf, let them know about this show. Let them know about my guest, a friend and comedian. I'm gonna. He's an expert. I feel like you're a man of many trades. I feel like you have some expertise in many things.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Yeah, Dip my toe in a few waters.

[Jared Freed]

You, you, you like. I feel like you're an investor, comedian, gambler. You're like a riverboat guy, you know.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Moderate, moderately successful at all those things.

[Jared Freed]

You've. Yeah, you've gotten medium success at all of those.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

You.

[Jared Freed]

Noah Garden Swartz, thank you for coming on. How are you? Good to see you. Straight from Vegas.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Yeah, pleasure to be here. I. I'm recovering a little shaky, so my wife just texted me. I think I'm pregnant. And Come on now. I completely ForGot that it's April 1st for all listeners. We're recording on April 1st after I'm freaking out and sending 10 to 15 texts back and forth. She tells me April Fools and I'm just like, I'm 41 years old. We've been married for five years. We have two children. At what point does the I'm pregnant April Fool's text expire?

[Jared Freed]

I actually think it means the marriage is going well. Like, I don't think. Like, I don't think you hear this from couples that are not getting along. Like, I actually think there's some whimsy and childlike wonder to getting an April Fools, because this is. It is a good April Fool's prank. She can do it.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Oh, she got me right.

[Jared Freed]

I'm sure. Like, it is honest. It lies in reality. Like, you could be. The idea of you having another kid is, like, not crazy, you know, But I will.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

She was playing a dangerous game because there is a world where my response is less than ideal, and it creates a real marital strife.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Well, that's bad for you. I think you. To me, I think wife who plays prank on husband, good marriage. Husband who plays prank on wife, marriage could end.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Sure.

[Jared Freed]

Does it. Is it like a. Do you know what I mean? Like, the. It's like a transitive property type of thing. Like, I. And that's. That's probably a bias that I'm showing. Someone's like, well, I can take a joke. I.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Last week, when I shit in her pillowcase, she did not like it.

[Jared Freed]

April Fool. Early April Fool. Yeah.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Okay. I like that. That means it's a good marriage. I'll take it.

[Jared Freed]

I. That would be my. That's my. Like, you know how you get. Like, I. I do a show. So this is a. Now a daily podcast. I do it four days a week, a paid version on Friday. To those listening patreon.com Jared Freed. 5 bucks a month gets through the Friday episode. Rounds out the week. Here's the thing. I do a thing on Thursday, pop culture Thursday, and there's this thing called a Q rating. And it's like, what is someone's likability the minute you hear their name, just by hearing their name, like, how do you feel about them? I do think that, like, translates to other things. Like, when I hear. You know, everyone's judging the idea. Like, don't judge. No, nobody judges. Everyone is judging. It's at all times. There is not a moment we are not judging. Do we care? Do we pass that judgment to the next person? Do we use that judgment to, like, form our opinion on people? This is one of those things. You're telling me this. This April Fool's prank. And I go, my immediate. Like, my. My. My. Like, my Human immediate feeling is aw. Like sitcom awe.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

All right, I'll take it. And you're not wrong. We thankfully are still enjoying a good marriage.

[Jared Freed]

So I have questions about. Well, before we get my questions about your marriage and getting too personal. Listen, Noah Garden Swartz, he messaged me. How did, how did we get together today as other than loving having Noah on the show? I get a dm. I got shows in Boca. Jared, you're the, you're. You're the, the. The Baron of Boca. I need you to go and let people know about the show. I said, oh, my God. I need a chit chat Wednesday guest. This is perfect. You'll come on the show. We'll promote the show. If you're in Boca, if you're in the surrounding area. Del Rey, Boca, West Palm. He's going to be at the Boca Black Box on June 20th. June 20th. Great place. Have you ever performed there?

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

I haven't. I'm excited. I. I like the small rooms that feel intimate and you know, you can really feel like a personalized show.

[Jared Freed]

Intimate room, TV taping, looking stage. So good stage for filming. If you want to get some clippy poos and do some things with that. It's just a. I, I've been, I've seen it and anyone who is in the area, you should go see Noah show. Noah's fantastic. You can go. You know, we're all putting out commercials for ourselves. Noah has great clips on Instagram at Noah G Comedy. Go follow. Get involved with what Noah's doing. You've relocated to Vegas. I have a lot of questions about re. Located. I will talk about this on Coffee with J Train. I looked at some apartments here in, in the, in the area.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

So it's like on my mind. I got that.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

I got a taste of apartments in Vegas?

[Jared Freed]

No, in. In Boca.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Oh, okay. Just the idea of leaving.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. Just doing your own thing. How do you make friends? Have you made friends? Have you? Have you, you, you. You're married, you have kids. There's not time for people that are randos.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

What I was going to tell you is first and foremost, I'm not looking for new friends.

[Jared Freed]

I didn't think you were.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Again, man in his 40s married with kids. Friends are not high on the priority list or Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

But that said, I actually have made friends. Vegas is a city where most people are transplant. So everyone knows what it's like to be the new kid in town.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Everyone is very friendly to in town. And then you have built in communities because my kids are in school, I meet parents, I play in a basketball league, so I get basketball players. As a comedian, there's the inherent comedy community built in.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

The Jewish community. So like, you know, if you, if you bounce around for various reasons, you meet like minded individuals in every aspect of the life you engage in.

[Jared Freed]

Have you met Vegas Jews?

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Oh, the Vegas Jewish community is great.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. What, what, what are they like? I, There's a taste of Jew everywhere. There's like a different flavor.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Yeah. It's, it's actually pretty split. There's, there's a lot of your Ashkenazi, a lot of California Jews that moved here either for a more affordable life or the tax breaks. There's, there's a lot of Middle east. There's a huge Middle Eastern Jewish community. Yeah. I mean it's, and it's just been a very comfortable Jewish existence here. It's, it's like big enough to have a very sustainable community, but small enough where everyone eventually knows each other.

[Jared Freed]

Right. You can't move in without, you know, if you move new Jew in town, you're going to get found.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Oh, and let me tell you, I'm not sure if you're still single, but I'm single. Yes. Single, handsome, successful Jewish guy in town. You, you'd be batting them off with a stick.

[Jared Freed]

I, but not like vague. I mean it's outside of Vegas. It's not like Summerlin. Yeah.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Yeah. I mean there are, there are different neighborhoods and parts of the city that have more Jews in them. But like, I mean everyone, you know, if you're, if you're going out for a night on the town, you're likely still going to the Strip.

[Jared Freed]

You go to the Strip. So okay, so did you deal when you moved to Vegas where people like, you know, watch out. Like a lot of what's going on with the Jews right now is like it's other Jews telling Jews how they better kind of like be careful. Yeah.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

So that there.

[Jared Freed]

Which gets annoying because you kind of like ruin someone's day when you're like, it's fine. Weirdly, you ruin their day. It is.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

First of all, it is fine. It's been fine. Thank God. It's fine. But also one thing I say which I don't think is necessarily about the Jews that move here so much as just like Nevada culture at large. But one thing I tell people is out here it's Jews with guns.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

So it's like a self defense Jewish community where it's not a lot of it's not the timid New York. Woody Allen's walking around. You got Jewish cowboys saying, make my fucking day, pal.

[Jared Freed]

They got a gun on their hip, they got their spurs on their cowboy head. Yeah, the cowboy boots. I. That is one thing you realize when you go out west, like Nevada, you kind of forget about it. Like, yeah, this is the West. There is western culture, there is cowboy culture. This is. This is, you know, go. You do like, real wild card city.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

It's like I always say, Nevada reminds me of like the Florida of the west, where it's just kind of like there's some weirdos, everyone's here for a good time. And the overarching theme is like, you do you, I'll do me. As long as no one's hurting each other, everyone mind your business.

[Jared Freed]

Right? There's a. Yeah. I say Florida. You come around, you come across. Like I would. Similar to Phoenix, Arizona, Arizona, Nevada and Florida. Like, very similar vibe. Like, there's. You're just like running across schemers. Like, you're like, I. I think you're. Everything you're saying sounds like bullshit, but you say it pretty well. Like, you see a lot of that.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Schemers and sweet retirees and then. And then young families who moved here for a better life.

[Jared Freed]

Right. It's a weird mix. I.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Fun stew.

[Jared Freed]

So do you have shows in Boca? Boca Black Box at Noah G Comedy. It's at the Boca Black Box, June 20. Here's what my advice on a Boca show.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Yeah, please.

[Jared Freed]

There is never a good time to have a show in Boca. Everyone will complain. You could.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Okay, you.

[Jared Freed]

There's no too early, too late, too far. There is no there. You will hear feedback no matter what. You could do the show in everyone's living room at the time. They. They are free and they will be like, you're doing 6pm in my living room. Who are you?

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Guest coming.

[Jared Freed]

It is the most hilarious thing because I. I did shows in Dania beach at the Improv and I just. It is so funny. Like, you think 8:00 Saturday night. Like, who would, you know? Like, I. It'd be weird to have an issue with this, you know, like, it'd be weird. Like, you. I would go, oh, no, I'm the. I'm not going to say something that the guy was the show. Like, I should want to go out at 8:00 on Saturday. They'll come right up to you. No, no, no stopping you. Saturday, 7pm who do you think you are, though? They'll say, who do you Think you, you can't. I'm here. You can't believe you got me out of the house. I'll make you feel bad and it's crazy.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

That's such good advice though. Thank you for the heads up. So at least when it happen, no, it's just par for the course.

[Jared Freed]

You'll, you'll look up at the moon and you'll have, you'll smile and you'll just continue being yelled at by whoever this old fart is and you'll think of me and I'll be looking at the same moon as you with another Jew yelling at me in another town in the country.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Are, are you going to possibly be around the area June 20th?

[Jared Freed]

I don't know. I haven't really. I'm kind of like, I'm in this sort spot right now. I'm doing shows this weekend in Rochester. So last night I got stuck here. I was supposed to go home. I'll talk about this all in coffee with J Train, but quick. I got canceled. And I just, you know, you get to this point where I'm like, you know, this is the luck of single, no kids, not married. Like, they're like, I just watched all the married people. Like, they're like, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to them. And I go, I saw they go, flights canceled. And I go, all right, like, you know, you do that. Like what are you gonna do? And I go back to my parents house and it was either like fly out Wednesday morning or back to New York and then go from New York to Rochester or go direct from here to Rochester. I'm like, I'm gonna go direct from here to Rochester. I'm gonna play golf. I'm gonna do those things.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Yeah, there are worse outcomes.

[Jared Freed]

I mean, right? I mean like there. And so then I have that and then I have Nashville and then I'm like kind of like done till the fall, weirdly, you know, like I, I, I had been on the road so much the last like few years.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Is that because what you've been working out feels ready and now you're just kind of at the start over point where you're building new material so you're not in a rush to get back on stage for, for paying customers.

[Jared Freed]

Totally true. You, you get it. And that's the thing, like, you know, it's been interesting these last year and a half. Like it is, it, it is calming to me to hear you put it that way because I was saying it on last week's coffee with J Train. Just the care and thought that comedians who love doing standup put into, like, I want to make sure, you know, just like you said, like, I have, like, new material. I've already taped the old material. I'm in the spirit. I'm in no rush to get to the. Exactly. What you said is, like, I can work this shit out. I don't need. I can do it at my own pace. There's no jokes to. There's jokes to work on, but, like, they're there. They're ready to be done. That could be done. It's an hour set already. But, like, it's a fine hour. It's not a great hour. You know, it's like, I'm in that in between fun phase. But it's like. And then I begin to wonder. I'm like, you know, fewer of us exist as days go on. Like, there's a lot of people that are just like, get me on the road to go and ask people what they do for a living for an hour.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Right? No, there's fewer. Fewer people with actual prepared material. Well, let me just say this, okay? If. If by some chance you're in South Florida, more specifically Boca, on June 20, and you want to run some of this new stuff and around Open invite, I would be thrilled to have you on the show.

[Jared Freed]

I would love that. I'm gonna. You. I'm not just saying this. If I'm down here, we'll go golf. You'll. You'll come hang and.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Never played 18 holes in my life.

[Jared Freed]

Never. I just got yelled at for three hours by my dad. We just literally just. He's just angry at me for three and a half hours. My dad, my uncle and his. Their buddy, and we played together 18. And like, I just told I. There was so many times on the course, and I'm like, trying to learn. It's been two years, and that's new, like, for golf. Like, and I literally said to my dad, I go, don't get more mad at my hit than I get at my own hit. Like. Like, I. I'm the angry one. Is he.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Is he mad because he's embarrassed his son is bad at golf, or you're, like, slowing down the game?

[Jared Freed]

No, he's embarrassed that I've embarrassed him. Why do I keep doing that? Like, I'm like, I don't know. You think I chose.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

To do that? Like, it's crazy.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Well, even though I don't golf, if you want to set up a force with your father, I'll join Just to watch him yell at you, because that sounds entertaining as well.

[Jared Freed]

He gets so angry, and then the other guys are like, it's a hard game. I'm like, I don't feel bad. They're like, pick your head up, kid. I'm like, no, I'm fine. Like, I'm going to shake this off and move on to the next head, you know? Come on. I'm fucking Tom Brady over here. He doesn't sit there kicking rocks after he throws an interception, you know, like.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

But, yeah, no, no golf for me. But if you're in town, please come by and hop on.

[Jared Freed]

Well, we'll hang.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

So.

[Jared Freed]

Okay, so let me get. We play a game called Peaks and Pits. You ready?

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

Peaks and Pits.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Peaks and Pits. I saw this on the Kardashians last week because we call it. We call it roses and thorns. And then I saw the Kardashians do Peaks and Pits, so.

[Jared Freed]

So I went to a dinner party. They played Peaks and Pets. I think this is a big Kardashian thing. Just like the podcast community, the Kardashians have run out of things to debate. So they're going peaks and Pits. March Madness is here and every game is a chance to cash in. So play some bets on the game already with my bookie. My bookie makes it easy for first timers to wager, and true sports fans can get the most bang for their buck. My bookies bet and get will sweeten the deal. Place a cash bet on March Madness and get a surprise reward. Free bets, cash back, bonus chips. You never know what's coming next. I love putting a little bit of money on the game and my bookie is a great way to do that. I have to say, I've been betting a lot of the March Madness games. I love taking a underdog as a moneyline winner. That's like a. You take the underdog and you get more if you for putting down less. I am just a big fan of the money line. Bet for an underdog. I love a home dog, so use my bookie and listen. You can put a buck on the game and now you got a team and you get to be involved in it and it gets a little fun for a couple hours on a Friday night. So I love my bookie. I'm a big user of betting on games. I like to bet on a lot of games during the football season, especially March Madness. We got the final four coming up. Sign up now with Code J Train and you can boost your bankroll with a deposit bonus designed to help make. Help you make the most of your money. If you don't want a bonus, that's okay too. Just make sure you let them know we sent you. That's Code J Train. When you download the my Bookie app or click the link in our show notes, bet on every game, anytime, from anywhere. Only with my bookie, I. Living in Vegas. I can't believe the Kardashians are doing that on TV show. Take away the show from that. That is. That's a podcast game. Living in Vegas. Peaks and pits.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Oh, man. I would say the Peak is off the Strip. Surprisingly calm, affordable, peaceful lifestyle. But then on the Strip, you're 15 minutes away from the greatest nightlife and restaurants in the world.

[Jared Freed]

Okay, so you're. Were you looking forward to a calmer lifestyle? Was that something that, like, you have a house now with, like, space? Like, and I'm asking, like, honestly, for myself, like, did that. Was there a breath of fresh air to not be in New York City, like, hearing a train go by?

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Absolutely. And I was surprised by how peaceful it was. I didn't fully know what I was getting into when I came to Vegas. I just kind of took a chance on the move. But, yeah, the Peak is having access to best of both worlds. It's like a slower pace. A really calm, peaceful city off the Strip. And then again on the Strip, you do have access to the best entertainers and restaurants around, because Vegas is providing three of the best days for the richest people in the world for the three days they come to town. So they have to provide.

[Jared Freed]

All right.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

You know.

[Jared Freed]

Well, I just. I do. Do you get all the Vegas people on your TikTok now? Like, do you, like, get those people coming? I get them. I'm like, a big. For some reason, you know, you are your. For you page. You are your algorithm.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Sure.

[Jared Freed]

And I get food reviews from Disney. Okay. Like, top five foods at, you know, Johnny Tsunami's water park. Like, I get those, like. And I get reviews from this guy. I don't know if you. You got it now you're gonna get him because I'm gonna say his name now.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

My phone is listening to you talk on my computer.

[Jared Freed]

Right? You're gonna. You're gonna text me in 10 minutes. This guy and what he does. I really think half of TikTok is, like, voice. Like, I think we really care about, like. Like the sound of someone's voice. Like, ASMR type shit.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

This guy. Vegas policy. I watch every one of his videos, and he's like, it's batshit crazy. It's like in the Vegas vein of like craziness. It's like he's like reviewing. But it seems like people hate him for some reason.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Either you love me, you hate him either way.

[Jared Freed]

You watch, right? But that's, that's probably why he's showing up so much. And at the end of his videos, you can't not imitate him. He goes, he ends every video the same way. And you want to hear him say it. Cause he's got this weird New York accent and he's like, Vegas, Paulie.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

See, I want to be on the lookout. I want to be on the lookout.

[Jared Freed]

But he's reviewing and critiquing and he goes over the financials and like this, you know, this, this, this hotel's in trouble and this place is down and this one's making money. Is it weird that like when you move to Vegas, is there like you're, are you up on the Vegas like financials, like how it's doing as a city?

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Not even a little bit.

[Jared Freed]

Now granted, really I don't, I don't.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Work as a server or a greeter at the casino. So how the city is doing tourist wise doesn't affect my day to day or my living. But I actually compare it very much to New York City, Times Square, where people from middle America think of Times Square as New York City. But when you live in New York City, you wouldn't touch Times square with a 10 foot pole. It's the same thing when you live in Vegas. Your life does not involve the Strip unless you actively seek it out for a reason.

[Jared Freed]

If you've got some big ticket purchases in mind for 2025 and wish you could build credit fast, listen up. A good credit score, lower payments and bigger opportunities are possible with ava. AVA is a credit building app that makes it simple to improve your credit fast, get better rates on loans, pay off debt faster, and keep more money in your pocket. It's simple, affordable, and really works. Most members see their credit go up in less than a week. You'll get the AVA card instantaneously giving you credit up to $2,500 that you can use to pay your bills. Then just sit back and watch your credit climb. AVA reports your on time payments to all major credit bureaus every day to help you build positive credit quickly. Joining Ava gives you access to all of Ava's credit building tools starting at just $6 per month, potentially save thousands for just $6 a month. There's no credit check, no interest and no fees. Download the AVA app spelled ava. That's a V A today. And when you join, use my promo code J train. You'll get your first month free. This offer is only for jtrain listeners. Get the AVA app and use promo code J train to get your first month free. That's promo code J train, thanks to ava. And now go get yourself good credit. I would also think the Vegas and New York, the similarity is the curiosity. Like, what's it like? I'm even asking you, I'm asking you about Vegas as if it's the Sarah. Like you live in the Serengeti. Like I'm like, like, I'm like. But I.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

It's the curiosity and the. It costs $100 to breathe if you're not careful.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Well, if you go to the wrong.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Place for all your worth, if you don't know what you're doing.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. Okay. So what was the pit of Vegas?

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

The pit is even though the weather's great right now, I can feel those 115 degree days.

[Jared Freed]

Right around the corner is the he that bothers him. Because I've had this conversation with Florida people. They're like, you gotta get. You can't be here in the summer. And I'm like, how back it'd be. AC exists.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

I. Florida is different because the humidity, which makes it entirely different. Vegas is just like the violent sun.

[Jared Freed]

So it's right.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

The dry heat. So you're not going to sweat through your shirt the minute you walk out the door because there is no humidity. But it will scorch your face like June, July, August are pretty brutal. The one thing I give Vegas credit for is they're aware of how hot it is. So everything does move indoors and it's AC just blasting. Like when I lived in California, they try to fool themselves into it being fun to be outside in the heat. So in the summer everything is outdoors and then you're just miserable in the sun. Sweating Vegas at least moves it indoors.

[Jared Freed]

Right? Okay, peaks and pits. Now for the listeners that don't know Noah Garden Schwartz is a former writer for the marvelous Mrs. Maisel. I know that show people like, it's as if you said that. You're like, like the mo. Like you. You get a reaction when you say you wrote for Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Right?

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Yeah. I'm assuming that might move some tickets in Boca.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, that's what I would have that. I would have that as the main part of the sign. It would be marvelous Mrs. Maisel in Big letters featuring Noah Gardensworth. I Would have you underneath in small letters. And then they'll be like, what's going on? I thought I was seeing Maisel.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

I should just use a picture of Mid John. I don't know what I'm doing.

[Jared Freed]

You're. You're fucking. Yeah. That's got to be like, marvelous Mrs. Maisel from the. And then your face and then a picture of her.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

But yeah, it elicits a reaction with. With the older Jews especially. They love it. One thing I get, and. And to the show's credit, there is definitely a younger audience that appreciate it, but what I get a lot from, like, younger people is, oh, my God, my mom is obsessed with that.

[Jared Freed]

Right, right, right. Oh, my God, she's going crazy for. Yeah.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Oh, my aunt loves it.

[Jared Freed]

Right. You got to hear about every single relative that. That likes it. Then they've heard of it.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

You know, like, generally well received and the audience tends to be in favor of it. They like it.

[Jared Freed]

Peaks and pits of people who react to you having written for Marvelous Mrs. Maze.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Interesting. Okay. The peak would be seeing genuine joy, especially on old Jews faces who don't typically elicit joy easily. But then. But then the pit will be 9 out of 10 times. Even if it's from someone who loves it, I'll still hear the complaint of the problem they had with it or what they didn't like about it.

[Jared Freed]

Right. I. You know, it is weird how much that affects us. Like, you're doing something that added to the show and you. You're happy with how it went, I'm sure.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Like, when I yell at the Bachelor, there are people that, like, come to me with their Bachelor show complaints, and I'm like, I do a different show and I still get upset by it. Like, I'm still like, yeah, I don't. Like, why are you telling me? As if I. Should I just disappear? Should I stop doing what I do? Like, I don't.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Also, the show is done, so I can't get in a time machine and change what's already been done in the show is finished.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Okay.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Well, yeah, that would be it.

[Jared Freed]

Peaks and pits, having two children. I think you're one of the few people I know with two children.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

So the peak is absolutely that they are friends and they entertain each other.

[Jared Freed]

So two boys.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Two boys. I'm not raising any weird only child.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

They socialize with each other and that makes it easier. But the pit is they are absolute monster psychopaths. They're great kids. They're sweet kids. They're good boys. Yeah. They're five and three from the time they wake up at 6am until we wrestle them to bed at seven or eight. They are bouncing off the walls. It's just.

[Jared Freed]

Do you feel the need to say they're great kids or good kids after saying they're monsters? Like, what's the concern that I would sit here and go, I guess, oh, they must be like, they must.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Only because I. Only because I followed monster with psychopath, I felt, okay, clarify a little bit.

[Jared Freed]

I do.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

I probably would have left it alone because I. Because I doubled down with another adjective that could possibly be like, oh, wow, he really does have problem children. I just want to clarify. Great kids, but out of their mind.

[Jared Freed]

I just, I do find the clarifications funny from parents like it be. So there was this. Did you see the. There was a story that was the last week where Chapel Rowan went on call her Daddy. And she said that all her friends with kids have no light in their eyes. And they're all.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

I saw that. And I just thought either she's not friends with good parents or maybe her friends are still too young. Like I could imagine if I was in my early 20s, I'd be miserable as a parent.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

But I sincere. It's true that you don't get sleep. It's true that kids take all your time, money and energy. But I'm being sincere when I tell you I love being a parent and I am so glad that I have kids.

[Jared Freed]

Right. I. It was such an, it's such like a interest. I was watching the clip of it. I didn't watch the whole thing admittedly, but. And then I did. Did it on Pop Culture Thursday last week. And I talked. Well, she had another quote where she was like, she's, I think with a woman now. And she was saying the men never cared to like give her back what she's given to them. They didn't think of her needs sexually. And it's like, was like, this is all unfair. Like, this is all like the easiest things to say in the world. Like it's like, like, oh, a 23 year old man that you hooked up with wasn't thinking about whether you got off or not. Like, yeah, you don't know what to say to you. Yeah, right. Like, and, and like this is also something that like 23 year. It's not like it's like the 1950s, like the last 20 years we've been talking about this. So like maybe they're never gonna learn or maybe, you know, like, you gotta speak up and say that. I don't mean to sound backwards, but it's like, it just felt like an easy, hot take. And like, those kind of bother me. And. But I was thinking of this parent thing, and I heard her say that, and I thought the same thing as you. I was like, she's young, so she's dealing with young parents.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Pop star doesn't know any people that are thrilled with being parents right now.

[Jared Freed]

Right, right. And it's like, also, my kids. I love my kids. Not a great brunch story. No one wants to hear how much you love your kids. No one. That's actually the story that's last on the list. So of course your friends aren't gonna come to you and try and, like, out brag you.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

That's a great point. I didn't even think of that. But that is a great point.

[Jared Freed]

Right. They can't go over the top of you. They can't be like, well, I did a European tour too, you know, like, they can't do that. So they have to go. They have to kind of like, where are they? Interesting. Your friends are interesting. They're going. These kids, they're. They're crazy. I get, you know, like, that's how you get attention from Chapel Roan.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Right, Right. Yeah. Yeah, Good point.

[Jared Freed]

Well, there was a. There was a. Because there was a TikTok. And it was a response to her, and it was like. It was so. It was funny because a lot of the commenters did comment, like, it was a woman, like, our age. And then all the comments, and she was like, you think not having kids is like, whatever she's going on rebutting Chapel Roan.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Let me be the one to tell you, I am not the parent who's gonna rebut your opinion on I could care less if you have kids. I could care less if you. Quite frankly, I could care less if you have kids and you're happy or unhappy. I got enough on my plate with my own family. I'm not worried about what anyone else wants to do or not do with the family they do or don't have.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Well, I guess that's. This woman should have listened to you because she was like. She was like, basically rebutted her. And then the comments are like, she's not talking to you, you 80 year old. And like. And she's right. But she never said that. She didn't say, you know, 23 year olds. She goes, all the people I talk to, we don't know. But I'm. I'm Agreeing with you that it's probably younger women.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

The. Yeah, I, I don't understand young women who aren't necessarily ready for the family stage of life on people with kids. I don't understand people with kids getting up in arms over people who don. Want kids. The only definitive take I'll have is that if you don't want kids, don't have kids. Because it is such a commitment that like only have kids if you want to be a parent.

[Jared Freed]

That, that's, that's. I mean, I mean that's the ease. That's the stuff that doesn't make TikTok. That's like no one's gonna like crush.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

You watching that video.

[Jared Freed]

No, that's okay. Let's go to. I, I wanted to do this. We, we usually just chit chat, but I kind of wanted to ask you. I went to an am I the asshole? Okay. And this is about in laws. How are you with the in laws? How does it go?

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Good. I lucked out in that Esther's dad is a weird guy who also failed at comedy in the 80s, so he loves comedy and comedians. Perfect. I got like the rare breed of in laws who are actually very happy that their daughter married a comedian.

[Jared Freed]

Okay. That's great. Love it.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

That is something you hear from a lot of, you know, people married with kids. When it's going well, they do say I got lucky because you hear horror stories.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Yeah, Yeah. I mean if you have a bad relationship with your wife's mom and she's close with her mom, that's a lifelong battle until your in law dies and.

[Jared Freed]

You have to like unbutton that shirt. Like to even walk it back. You'd have to have like the most awkward conversation. Like hey, can you put the, put the weapons down. We gotta work this out for a lifetime. Like that's a, that's even harder than people want to admit.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Yeah, it's. No, that, that really is a tenuous relationship that like if it doesn't go well, that is going to affect your day to day life.

[Jared Freed]

Okay, so this story is my family, Husband, me and a two year old and his brother's family. Brother in law, sister in law and three teens. They're at Disney this week. We arrived today with our camper and rented another one from the resort. When we got here for check in, we were told the other camper was set up, got the keys and was shown some features. It was small, I think 25ft. With the only privacy being the master bed. There is a bunk and the dining tables are folds into a bed. We set up our camper 40 foot toy hauler and I'm in the middle of putting out linens put opening up the back porch for my toddler to play and getting his space set up sleeps in the garage area. When the in laws roll up we all greet my husband. We all greet and my husband shows them their camper. Immediately they start down the this isn't big enough. We aren't going we're going to have issues. We really don't like this. Comments we pay now. We paid for the camper rental, the spots, the tickets into the park and for some upcoming dinners they wanted to reserve. My husband goes into a panic and says they want our camper and says let's just stay here and you guys take the little take Goes into a panic and they walk into our camper and say let's just stay here and you guys take the little one. I said no that wasn't going to work because our bed in the master is specifically for my back. They went on about how they can't afford Disney and it's really disappointing that we that all we rented was a smaller trailer for them to fit into without regards to their comfort. I came back with it's the only for the sleep for your family. I don't know if my son is going to be overwhelmed and having a familiar space for him to play and relax. The noises and crowd is is why we brought ours. They stormed out calling me an asshole asking my husband why he married me. He came back to me with the fact that we don't need all the room since it's just a the three of us and they have five and they are basically adults. So I asked a simple question. Then I get access. Then I get access while you guys are at Disney to be here and relax. Ours has a TV and a porch and are in here a TV and a porch with barriers for the toddler to play outside in an enclosed area. Also his toys are in here. They said that's their private area so no. So I said no again. My husband called me an asshole and said our son can survive a week without toys in the porch area. Am I the asshole because I don't want to sacrifice my own comfort to appease them especially since we have paid for this entire trip. The only part they had to pay for was to get here and they flew with some assistance from my husband because I threw a fit about that. So is this person the asshole for not switching campers? How would you deal with this I mean, I don't. Go ahead, you're. You're married, you have in laws.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

My gut reaction as I'm listening to you read through everything is every person involved is the asshole.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

It's not always where like everyone involved is wrong.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

But first of all, you shouldn't be traveling in an extended family unit unless everyone is aware of the situation. Everyone is aware of what the needs are.

[Jared Freed]

What, Right.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

What the cost comforts are. So I would say the only reason the woman writing the email isn't necessarily because it seems like they're paying for everything. But also it's a huge asshole move to put the comfort of a two year old over the comfort of five adults.

[Jared Freed]

Right. I think this person's an asshole. You don't. I'm with you. If you're doing a trip as a whole family, I think everyone's the asshole because you're an asshole for not getting up front with all the information.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

Like if I go on a trip, okay, where are we staying? How much is it going to be? And like, I guess sleep and how much are the two things I would need to know before walking through the door.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Absolutely. I mean also, if your version of a Disney trip involves campers, you're an asshole too.

[Jared Freed]

Like right? Well, if it involves campers, you're signing up for uncomfort.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Yes, yes.

[Jared Freed]

But I do think they were distracted by free Disney trip and just said we're going. I think that's the problem. And again, I'm not one to like side with the payer just because they paying is a big deal. But at the same time, like this is one where it's like they were lured into a free Disney trip and they probably once they got there they were like, oh wait, we don't get, you know, everything wasn't included. You can't do that.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Right. Being the payer is a great get out of jail free card for not being the asshole. But you immediately become the asshole when you lord it over people's heads. Like when you choose to fight every argument with I'm the one that paid.

[Jared Freed]

Right? But this is one where I'm the one that paid in this argument makes some sense. We offered a free trip to Disney, you showed up, you came and this is what we have to offer. I guess the offer I would need to know as well. But I, but I think they're the asshole at one point and it's like when you say like, hey, I'll give you my space and then they go and then you're like, but am I gonna be able to go there when I want some downtime? And they're like, what do you mean you're gonna, like, sleep in our stuff? Like. Like, you. You found, like, another. Why did you. This person is okay with them sleeping in their room, but it's like this one little, tiny, you know, like, red tape thing where it's like, well, if. What if I take a nap? I can come in and sleep on top of your luggage. Right? And it's like, why would you do that?

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Also, the buried nugget within this story is that they threw out a. I can't believe. Or I wonder why he married you on day one. You throw that bomb out there on day one, and then you have to go on and just have a family vacation after that.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. There's other issues at play here. Like, why would he marry you? It's like, yeah, day one of a Disney trip. Yeah.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

On day one.

[Jared Freed]

That's right.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

That's something you whisper in his ear as you say your goodbyes.

[Jared Freed]

Right? That's like doing the April Fool's joke that your wife did on you. And then you come back with like, I murdered the whole family. And you're like, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What? No. Garden source. Thank you for coming on Chit Chat Wednesday, everyone go at Noah G Comedy. His show is June 20th in Boca, the Boca Black Box. It is on his Instagram. He's got a link to all the ticket information. Noah, this is always good to talk to you.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Yeah. Thank you so much for having me on. Always a pleasure. I hope you get back to wherever you're supposed to be going soon. But until then, the shirt and the window shades go well together. Man, you look good.

[Jared Freed]

I'm chilling. I. I'm gonna go play some more. Some. A nine. A nine piece.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

Stop embarrassing your father out there. Learn how to swing, would you?

[Jared Freed]

He literally. The eye rolls are, like, crazy. I'm like, it's not your shot. Let me fucking deal with it. I don't need to also recover from you, you know, rolling his eyes like.

[Noah Garden Schwartz]

You invited him to a 7pm show in his living room. Road.

[Jared Freed]

7Pm I cannot wait to hear from you. Because you're going to say, who does? Can't believe Noah. Garden sorts. We'll be back next week. Boom.