← The JTrain Podcast
The JTrain Podcast
Celebrity Look-alike Contests, Iffy Bathroom Locks, Maya Rudolf's Love Story - TICKED OFF TUESDAY
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I know you're angry. It's Tuesday and it has no feel. The weekend was fun. You're still hungover from the eating and next weekend is too far away. What will you do with your day? It's time to get ticked off. Complain with your gripe. Right now, your friend Uncle J Train is here to tell you that you're right. It's a ticked off Tuesday. Ticked off Tuesday. You're angry and you don't even know why. Enjoy this podcast. It'll help you get to Friday.
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Hello and welcome to the J Train Podcast. It's J Train Jared Freed coming to you live from Delray Beach, Florida. That's right, every Tuesday is a ticked off Tuesday where you, the listener, complain to me, the comedian, and I complain with you. You can, you can complain about anything you'd like. That's the premise of this show. It's a difficult life. It's a hard world out there, and you got complaints. And I'm here to join you and make you feel seen and heard. I was explaining this show to some people over the weekend. I was at south by Southwest. I was in a couple of meetings. You know, you know, this, this Hollywood life I lead, you know, the glitz and glam. You know, I'm Jared Glitz and glam Freed. I was having these meetings and discussing this podcast and how much I want it to grow and then talking about the daily nature of it. It's a daily show. Mondays we give advice. And then I got to Tuesday and I saw people's eyes light up. They were like, wait, ticked off Tuesday is what you can complain about anything? And I said, yeah, it's really. This is a safe space. There aren't very many places that you can complain nowadays without feeling like the world is staring at you, ready to get you. Here. We complain, we take out our frustrations, and then we shake hands and go home and say, good game, it's over. After this, we shut the door. We come back next week. So if you want to be part. Excuse me, as I cough, I have some coffee in front of me. If you want to be part of this show, it is a user generated show. You can email jtrain podcast gmail.com, but the best way to get on this show is to join the Patreon. Join the Patreon. That. That is $5 a month. That gets you coffee with J Train, which I'm gonna reference in my first complaint. I'm gonna reference it. So Coffee with J Train is basically my personal diary. I just recently spoke about Being in a relationship and dating someone and how that kind of came to be, I haven't told the full story yet. I do think there's a story there, but I've begun to, you know, trickle out that information. Patreon gets that stuff first, so, and then you can comment on Patreon with your complaint and it's guaranteed to get read here. And on the subject of my complaint, we start every episode with my complaint. I have a few. My first complaint is Maya Rudolph and her longtime partner, director Paul Thomas Anderson. Now, Paul Thomas Anderson had a movie win Best Picture, I think. I, I can't remember the name of it. Look at this is, I'm not a movie guy. I, I, I, listen, I, I'm aware of the Oscars. It just, but the, the reason this article came out was like, who does Paul Thomas Anderson date? Like, who is it? Oh, and, and now they're a celebrity couple and it's him and Maya Rudolph. And this line really me off. Maya Rudolph's long term partner, director Paul Thomas Anderson, decided she was the one he would marry after seeing her on television during a Saturday in the early 2000s. He stated that seeing her on screen made him feel his life had changed. Later, meeting her in person at an SNL afterparty. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no one, this needs to stop. This idea that I saw that gal and I knew I'd marry her. Enough. Even if it's true, let's, let's live in a world where you saw Maya Rudolph in a sketch doing an impression of whoever was in the news that week and you were like, oh my God, I gotta marry that girl. Let's say that happened. Keep it to yourself. That didn't happen, by the way. But let's say that's how you felt. That's a crazy thought about someone you're watching on tv. That is creepy, crazy insanity. And in the one time it works out where you go up to that woman and you say, oh my God, I knew I'd marry you when I saw you at home while I was sitting on my couch. Just don't reveal that to people because now you've set this weird bar for romantics that really isn't human or normal. Because I was thinking, like, I have a story to tell about how I ended up with the person I'm with. And I do think it's an interesting story that has lots of ebbs and flows, but it includes me not sounding like a great person. It includes me being human. This has no humanity this has no. This is all Disney. This is fairy godmother crap. And you're feeding it to a public that really doesn't need to hear it. Now, if Paul Thomas Anderson was like, I was at home, I saw her on tv. I was like, look at this hot chick. I went home, masturbated while thinking about her, then met her at a party, felt kind of awkward about it, was like, hey, we should go on a date. And that's how we met. I would go, okay. At least Paul Thomas Anderson is giving me an honest tale where he's not heroic. Because this happens with people whose parents have been married since birth. And they say you see it on the Bachelor all the time. They go on the Bachelor. They say, you know, my parents met in high school and they've been holding hands ever since. And you're like, boy, that. That those parents really fucked up that kid and really led them down the river of not success. Because they haven't been realistic with relationships their whole life. The fact. Because now they see their parents as this cartoonish level, you know. Also, Paul Thomas Anderson and Maya Rudolph had kids together. They're not married. She said she calls him her husband so that people know what that means and doesn't have to explain it anymore. Well, how about you include that in the story? My other complaint, hotel garbage cans with no plastic liners. I don't know what we're doing. I don't feel comfortable putting wet garbage in a garbage pail that has nothing surrounding the edges of the garbage pail. And I always think of the person who's gonna have to clean the room. They have to clean the room. They have to go in this garbage bag. They can't just tie it up and cinch it up and put it in there with the rest of the garbage. They have to wipe out the garbage. I don't understand where this comes from. Is this a money saving technique? When I see a garbage with no liner, I'm. I'm like, grossed out. I don't know what to do. I feel awkward. Have you ever put garbage in a city garbage can that has no liner? You're like, is this right? Am I littering? You can send your complaints to jtrain podcast gmail.com. those come after the Patreon complaints. We get to those later. I have listener complaints in front of me. I have two sponsors, Wayfair and Joy Mode. I want you to use them if they can help you. You might be getting furniture or looking to have sex. Those are two things that we all need and like to do so you can go use their promos or whatever they're offering is in the bio. I'll get to those later. I have more complaints tipping change. We're at this weird part in society where we're in between how to tip people. It's either Venmo or cash. So we all don't have cash, we all don't have change. I was on vacation. I got beach chairs. I the guy brought me out to the beach chair. He set up the chair and I said, hey man, thank you so much. I'm going to give him a 10. He did two beach chairs. Five for each six seems fair. Hey man, I got a 20 for you. You got change for 20? He's like. I was like, can you check with one of the other guys you work with, see if they have changed so that I can end this? Put a little bow on it. He's like, I don't got it. I was like, do you have Venmo? Do you have PayPal? Do you have anything? He goes. And I'm like, how did you expect to get paid today? How did you expect this to happen? What's going on? Nobody who works with you, like someone who's like your mentor was like, hey, you gotta have change for 200 bucks every day, no matter what. That's an investment in your future. That's how you get paid here. People tend to pay to tip more if it's a game to get me to tip more. Like, he'll give you the 20 because he doesn't give a shit. I think you are wrong. I think people do give a shit. I think they'd rather not tip than give you the 20 that it just happens to be in their pocket. And then we're at this weird juncture in the world where it's like we don't know what to do. We're, you know, some people venmo, some people PayPal, some people Zell, some people cash. And then some people just have nothing. No plan at all. I think we all have to have a tipping plan. Here's my last complaint as I sip of my coffee before I get to my last complaint and the listeners complaints. I'm on the road. I am going to be in Salt Lake City this weekend as well as Tempe, Arizona the weekend after. I've added dates to my calendar. Los Angeles. I'm going to St. Louis. St. Louis, I'm coming to the Arch. Portland, Maine. West Hampton beach, in on Long Island. And the and hump tones get those Tickets. Now that is truly something I appreciate. Get your tickets early so that we can. You know, it adds buzz to the show. You think, oh, I'm just a speck on this universe. No, no, no. It adds buzz. Here's my last complaint. We need to stop bathrooms with iffy lock situations. If the bathroom at your establishment is iffy, let's get a sign. And I know the sign doesn't look good, but you know what looks even worse and makes me not want to come back to an establishment? A lock that doesn't work. If you have a lock that breaks even half a time, let's get a sign up there. And the sign should be right under the door handle that says, hey, please look at me and read me closely. This lock is iffy. And then you should have another lock above it. That is a latch lock, like it's from the caveman era. You can't have the fancy lock if it doesn't work. No lock is about the look. A lock is to be a lock first, and then if it looks nice, we can go, oh, that's a nice looking lock. But we need it to lock or else nothing else matters. I'm at the so house. I did shows there last week. Brittany brave, hilarious comic, she puts on shows of the so house. I had some really good experiences. I'm at one of their locations, Soho Pool House. That's down in Brickell. Or Edgewater, somewhere down there in Miami. After the show, I go into the bathroom and I am taking a dump. That's right. You know, stars are just like you. I'm sitting on the toilet. I'm on my phone as I do doing my standard 15 to 30 minute toilet adventure. I'm in the bathroom. Suddenly the door swings open. The person looks at me. I said, ah, my bad. I'm apologizing right away. I didn't do anything wrong. They go, oh, oh, oh. You know, you do the noise of someone, you walk in as own. Oh. And I look at the door and above where the lock was, that was an iffy lock. There is the latch. No sign. You gotta have the sign that goes with the iffy lock because you attach the caveman style latch lock without a sign. How would I know? You need to let the customers know. If you've attached a lock that would be on an outhouse, then you know there's an issue. And my issue is the iffy lock. If there was no lock at all, I just wouldn't go to the bathroom. I wouldn't even sit down on the toilet. So now I'm in this position where I had to get up. The door was too far away from the toilet for me to hold it while sitting. I had to hold the door while getting paper towels or tissue paper to try and wipe my ass. It was a disaster. On top of the fact that someone from the show just saw the comedian taking a dump. They went back to their seat, they said, I just saw the guy who did his jokes about his fat body taking a shit. And then I had to walk by them. I ordered the Uber while holding the door so that I wouldn't have to make eye contact with anyone. I got the Uber. I go to the. I go to the train. I go to the Bright line. This is on the subject of bad locks. I get to the Bright Line. The Bright line has a brand new fancy train that goes from Orlando down to Miami. It is all people talk about here. People love the Bright Line. It has. I think it is a good thing. I think it's great. I think it's added an option to getting to Miami. And driving to Miami is not a pleasure at all. It is white knuckle, grab the steering wheel and hold on tight. So I took the Bright line down, then I took it back. I'm on the train back and I have to go to the bathroom again because I didn't get to finish the job. I go to the bathroom they have, and I can find pictures for you. A button that you press the button, the door goes. Slides electronically and then the button turns red from green to red. The button. You press the button, the door closes, it turns from green to red. Red signifying that it's locked. I don't trust that lock. I'm sorry, this is new. I'm supposed to just trust this sign that this is going to work out. I don't like the idea that it's a button technology. I don't like that. I don't hear like a douch like I want to hear the latch. I want to hear the lock happen. I think we're too soon at this point. Let's just get the train right and then we can do a fun futuristic lock thing with the bathroom. Let's not chance this. Let's not show off how into the future we are here at the Miami Transportation Bureau here and now. Let's do it with other stuff. So I took a nervous shit just waiting for someone to walk in. Especially with a door like that that goes slowly opening, slowly closing. I'm just sitting there, pants on my ankles. Let's get to the listener complaints before we do Joy Mode. You don't have to go to a doctor to get some help in the bedroom. Boost your sexual performance naturally with Joy Mode. Here's how it works. Joy Mode supports nitric oxide in your body to help increase circulation. 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Go to tryjoymode.com jtrain or enter TRA or enter J train at checkout for 2020 20% off joy mode the the pre workout for blood flow Well, I just read that horribly. I'm going to read it one more time. Try joy mode.com j train or enter j train at checkout for 20 off joy mode the pre workout for blood flow. That sounds better. So let's it's try joy mode.com j train for 20 off also wayfair. You know I'm doing some redecorating. We Wayfair has been very helpful for me because they have all levels of furniture. It's not just, you know, the stuff that would go in a college dorm. It's all the way up. It goes all the way up to the really nice stuff and everywhere in between. Wayfair is the one stop shop for everything your home needs. Any style, any space, outdoor furniture, patio decor, summertime bedding, closet system, storage solutions and garage organizers, desks and home office furniture. All at amazing prices. I love what Wayfair is doing and how easy it is to kind of go through their site and browse and see what it would look like in a room. It's just I think what Wayfair is doing is great and it's all price points. Wayfair's huge selection makes it easy to personalize any space. Find furniture, decor and essentials that fit your unique style and budget. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com y Wayfair every style, Every home. So those are the sponsors. I've done my complaints. Now let's do your ticked off Tuesdays. I I listen, we love your complaints. These are these this week. I'm looking at them. I I read them with you. These are thorough. I mean one has pictures. This is great. Jared, big fan of the show. I need to vent to you about something so I can get closure. I'm here for you baby. Is this acceptable wedding etiquette? Oh, we love a wedding etiquette question. Here we go. My husband and I received a black tie wedding invitation in Portland, Oregon that stated food and drinks would be served. Since we live in New York City and the couple had recently moved to Portland, most guests, including family, were traveling from out of the state. The couple opted to host just one event on Saturday instead of a typical multi day celebration which I completely given the cost of weddings. Okay, so what they're saying is that usually when you come from out of town, there's some sort of out of town event. Hey, Friday we're doing the rehearsal dinner, but we're inviting all the out of town people to come join us afterwards for drinks and cocktails and snacks. Something like that. Or hey, we're doing a brunch for anyone that came from out of town. Come have breakfast before you head on your flight. I get it. This couple's doing just Saturday night. That's fine. I'm with you there. Here's my issue. After already being on the west coast the week before and being trapped there for a few more days due to the New York City snowstorm, I really wanted to cancel and return home, but the thought of leaving an empty seat with our name card made me feel too guilty to back out of our after rsvp. Yes. So I guess you went early and realized that this is going to be a whole thing. So you know you didn't cancel. My husband had also My husband had also had a brutal week at work and wasn't feeling great about making a six hour flight for a destination wedding. But we honored our RSVP anyway. I stayed on the west coast in various hotels until the wedding day and my husband flew out carrying my freshly dry, clean black tie, dress, heels and jewelry, all only for us to discover that the event was Essentially a standing cocktail style reception with no assigned seating and only a small selection of food. More substantial than hors d' oeuvres but not really dinner. I don't even know what that is. What's more substantial than hors d' oeuvres and not really dinner? I guess that's like there's tables with different items but no seated wedding when you're inviting all these people. The food was good, but guests stood for over four hours in black tie attire with no seats of their own. I feel like the invitation should have clarified that the event would be a cocktail style reception rather than a seated dinner before asking guests to travel across the country in formal wear. And heels. Don't forget the heels. And am I being unreasonable for thinking that the format of the wedding should have been made clearer on the invitation? Yes. No, you, you're not, you're not being unreasonable. I, I think you're, you're, you're absolutely correct. If you're going to do anything outside the normal bounds of wedding culture, you gotta let people know. You put the extra card in the invitation and you let people know exactly what they're getting into. I think referencing that you're traveling across the country and you have to wear this and you needed to stay in a hotel. That doesn't matter to me. What matters is, hey, we're having a wedding where you're not going to sit for four hours. You need to let people know. Now I have a idea for a wedding. My dream wedding is for pass around hors d' oeuvres that go the whole night and keep changing with the night. So it would start with the appetizers and then move into like secondary courses like pastas. And then it would go into like a soup and then it would go into like mains, but it would all be pass around. They would just be going the whole night with that type of. And then at the end there'll be a dessert pass around with that type of food structure. I think I would need to put that in an invitation or in a insert that goes in the invitation, letting people know, hey, this is going to be a different type of wedding for this reason. Get ready to expect this. Set the expectation when you don't have chairs for a four hour wedding. And then they would say, well, you know, it costs extra to have the insert. No, no, no, no. If you want to be cheap with no chairs and do this different type of dinner and it's help saving you money, which it seems like it is, you should pay for the Insert to let people know what they're getting into. Hey, everybody, don't wear heels. This is a standing wedding. We didn't want to buy any chairs especially. I kind of put this on the bride. She knows what's coming at people. She understands. I would assume heels and how those feel for four hours in a night. I'm with you. This is horrific. I don't even think it matters. All the extracurriculars that you gave. Yeah, those add to why you're so annoyed. And I agree. I would be as annoyed as you. But any wedding, no matter if people are traveling across the street or across the country, everyone should know what they're getting into. Food wise and comfort wise. Hey, every. Especially if it's going to go outside of the normal wedding roundtables where you're sitting with your husband and there's other couples and hey, nice to meet you and who did you come with? This is crazy. And. And it is interesting that you're like, well, it is interesting that you kept the rsvp. You kept true to your RSVP because your biggest fear was that there would be a name card with no one at those seats and it would show badly on you. It is interesting how you see it because that is what keeps you going to a wedding. Here's the thing. If I'm that bride and groom, why not just tell people? Why be cagey? No one's getting your wedding. And no one cares for a surprise at a wedding. No one wants a surprise. We are setting aside time for you now. Let us know that we are going to have a great time. Get us excited. I'd rather know, hey, we're doing something a little different. It's not going to be dinner, but it's not going to be our d'. Oeuvres. Somewhere in between, we like people standing and dancing. Want be. That's really where I'm annoyed. You didn't even say this, but I'm going to add this for you. The annoying part about this is it. It either happens for one of two reasons. They're either being cheap and they didn't want to get chairs and this is a way for them to cheap out. And they didn't want to acknowledge that in the invitation because they didn't want people being not excited about their wedding because they're like, oh my God, I'm going to a cheapie. Or they were the types that were like, I just want people to have fun at our wedding. I hate when people sit down, hey, let's take away the chairs so that no one can sit. That is like the city making park benches that are uncomfortable so that the homeless can't sleep on them. Now they're treating you that way like children. How about we have some trust for people and let them know, hey, we want people standing and dancing and how about they be fun and they be a couple that you'd want to dance with instead of just taking away the chair so that it works into how they saw this night going. I can't believe how much more angry I am right now. Jtrain podcast gmail.com Jtrain podcast gmail.com I am so fed up with my realtor that I think the whole industry is. I will take blame and admit that I chose someone I knew loosely. That's the problem. You, you can't go. This is a business relationship and I know that realtors, they get into it kind of. There's a, there's a version of realtor that when they first get in the business, tell your friends and family, let them know, I'm in this business, I can do a great job for them. But people take advantage of that. I thought they would do a great job, but I have sadly been mistaken here. They did one. This is a thorough one. One, I had to correct their math on our original offer. They used incorrect. They used incorrect monthly payment data, had the down one. I had to correct their math on the original offer. They used incorrect monthly payment data, had the down payment amount incorrect and didn't subtract earnest money, the interest money from the down payment due at closing. The math being wrong is like the worst type of offense because that's numbers. That there's one answer to the equation. So and, and with that I would need a full apology. And I. But that's the type of thing you shouldn't have to check on. That's what makes a good realtor. You know, explaining the numbers to you. To me, a good realtor doesn't knows it's not your full time job to get this done. It is their full time job. So they need to explain things to you to make you feel very comfortable in a very uncomfortable situation. To me, that's a good realtor and having the math wrong. Well, now what do you trust? Do you trust anything? The one thing that has a very clear answer they couldn't get correct. Two, I was in a situation where I had all the negotiating power on a house and was willing to walk away from the deal because of this. My offer was aggressive. The realtor did not want to submit the aggressive offer. Despite the fact his job is to represent me, he continued to push back with me. But after standing firm, the sellers gave me exactly what I wanted despite a variance of $200 that my realtor wrote up incorrectly in that contract. But I was too embarrassed to go back to the sellers to correct. Yeah, this is, this is a, this is a realtor who wanted to get their check. And if it fell through, you don't want to, you just don't want to work with someone who's desperate to me, the person who won't let you do the offer. I, this is, this was always the crazy thing to me. I dealt with. I, I had a situation where I wanted to put my house on the market at a certain price. They're like, you won't get any offers. I'm like, okay, then we'll lower it when we see we get no offer. Like, I, I don't understand this idea. Like, there's no embarrassment here. This is a negotiation. This is. Listen, I'm gonna make my offer. If they don't wanna say no, they can say no. I'm with you. I. That would annoy me. He did not send the contract to my lender despite telling me he would. I checked in three days later after I hadn't heard anything, only to find out he had forgotten. Given the events In Iran, the three days cost me 45% higher rate. I didn't know where you were going with the Iran thing. And yeah, those things do come into play, especially with the market being as volatile as it's been. Not a massive deal, but it adds 30k over the life of the mortgage. All because he didn't do what I. He said he would do. I believe he should have to cover a rate buyout, but three days is somehow considered a reasonably timely manner. If you can't forward a docusign day of, you should not be a realtor. I'm with you. This is the world moves too quickly and it never. On the reverse side, it never comes back to you. Hey, we got to get this deal closed. They say that to you all the time. So it has to go both ways. Hey, if you don't put an offer down, they're going to move on. They do that to you all the time. So to not get it on the other side is hypocritical. I want to be done with all real estate agents. How did this bullshit industry get started? We have attorneys who are trained in contracts. It's. The real estate game is tough, especially when it's Home purchasing. It's a lot of people on their second career. It's not their dream. They're not mathematicians generally. They're someone that is more show. They're more, they're more the front of house than the back of house. Most Realtors, and that's the problem. You have a lot of back house issues and you're probably dealing with someone who, and I'm sorry to put my assumptions on this, they're a good looking person who has never had to do a lot of backhouse stuff. That's the problem with Realtors is you get a lot of former actors or, you know, spouses of that have done well in the front of house game. The charm game, the dressing game, the beauty game, the stuff that gets you to work with them is really not what they need to be good at. They need to be diligent and good with numbers. And honestly, it makes the good realtors look bad because there are realtors out there who are doing a good job. I don't think the whole industry is fraught. I really like my Realtor that helped me with my apartment. He was very honest and he was straightforward and got stuff done. And I think someone like that gets kind of besmirched by the other people who are doing this because they heard it was easy money. Oh, well, just sell a few houses, you're good for the year. There's a lot of people getting into realtors for that. Listen, it's any low barrier to entry job ruins the job for the people doing it. Well, I have this in comedy right now. You can go on your phone and do a, do some joke you've already heard on the Internet somewhere, call it your own, and now you're a comedian. And then let's say you get a following from that. Now you're going to have a show with your big following and you're going to do a show that's bad. And now you make me look bad. Who wants to work on it? Because you did your show where you're asking everyone in the audience, hey, how'd you meet your girlfriend? How'd you meet your boyfriend? Do you guys have sex? Hey, you're holding hands or first date? Ooh, this happens with comedy. People are farming for clips. People are getting their rocks off because they have an audience, but they're doing bad standup so it ruins the audience and they go. And people go to one stand up comedy show, maybe a year, maybe, and then they walk away. They go, what the fuck was that? I don't want to go to another stand up show. And now you're doing that with realtors. It happens to the. Every low barrier to entry job is ruined by the bad actors. Let's do another. We got two more. I got two more. Jared, can we please talk about fruit and how the quality has absolutely taken a nosedive over the last decade? I'm tired of buying fruit and it being flavorless, rotten or never ripen it. I've been noticing bananas are some of the biggest offenders right now. To be clear, I'm very aware of how to pick ripe fruit, but the colors of bananas means absolutely nothing now. Green, ripe brown, underripe yellow, they don't even turn yellow anymore. They just go from green to green with brown. There are a few gold mines every so often, but I just can't with them anymore. I try different quote brands, organic versus non organic, different retailers, and I'll even try to track which country produces the best ones. And why are they so big and flavorless now? The texture is awful. The center is fibrous and crunchy with seeds. The peel is for. The peel is a fortress. So I'm left. The peel is a fortress. So I'm left tearing into it like I'm ripping a phone book in half. And the strings, I could go on forever about those disgusting ass strings. The strings have strings under them now. Anyways, please join me on my next installment on cherries from Aldi. This shit isn't bananas. The ban. The bananas are shit. This is a very well written email where I agree with completely. This is. Fruit is such a disaster right now. And it's. It's really the tough part about fruit is you're chasing a dragon. Because when you have a good piece, when you have a good berry, a good piece of banana, you have a good apple, you go, this is my life now. I love it. I've always loved fruit. I never think of fruit. I want to be healthier. Look how delicious this is. I don't even need candy. And then you go to your next piece of fruit and it's not even clean, close to the good one you had before. So now you're in this game where you're just chasing a dream, a memory that you once had of how good it was. I mean, you even do it in your email. How the quality has absolutely taken a nose died over the last decade. We're just guessing years now. We just know we've had a good plum and we're on the search for that good plum once again. And it's always Disappointing. And now we're judging one plum against maybe a plum that never even existed. Maybe I was just hungry. Maybe I should just stick to candy and be a fat slob forever. It happens with watermelon, bananas, berries, apples, plums, pears. They're all good. And then so bad that you kind of stop trusting the whole fruit game. I'm with you. I totally agree. Cherries. I listen. Cherries can get the fuck out of here. Because I don't. Don't get me started on a marriage. Marcino cherry. Marcino maracino, marasino. Those cherries that are just drenched in sugar that make every other cherry just comparatively fraught. It's just bad because the maraschino cherry isn't a real thing. Those other cherries, the cherries of the pits in them. That's how. That's the taste. It should be. And we're comparing it. That's the problem. The comparison game. I'm with you. And you do it in your email, A very well written email where you're comparing bananas to one another. But I don't even know if we've ever even had a banana that good. We just hoped. We have. JTrain podcast gmail.com JTrain podcastmail.com Our last ticked off Tuesday. Also sign up for Patreon. That's where you get first dibs on complaining. Feather. Feather. I need to talk about something that has taken over my entire algorithm. Look alike contests. Now, I've been seeing these lookalike contests. They're everywhere. They did Timothee chalamet. They've done JFK Jr. They just did. I saw that there was a Bad Bunny one. I opened my phone and it's just another crowd. And I park judging men who allegedly look like a celebrity. It started with Timothy Chalamet contest and now it feels like every city is doing one. The latest ones. Or JFK junior look alike contests in New York City and D.C. and I hate to report the resemblance, rate is extreme. Extremely low. It's basically a bunch of brunette men in blazers standing next to rented bikes while a crowd of women scream like they're watching Beatlemania. And now I just saw there's a Bad Bunny lookalike contest happening in the Bronx and it's being sponsored by the 7th Street Burger. this point, corporations are getting involved. I'm all for community events, but I worry we are just creating a generation of men who think they look like Bad Bunny because a hundred people cheered for them outside a burger spot. None of these guys look like the celebrity but they still leave with an ego boost that you simply can't buy. See attached pictures of the winners and tell me if I'm crazy. Are these celebrity contests about the celebrity, or are they just a socially acceptable way to hype random dudes in public? Sincerely concerned about my algorithm. Now I'm looking at the pictures of the JFK Jr lookalikes. I gotta say, listen, it's ticked off Tuesday, and my job is to agree with you. I think you're thinking of the worst version of a person who enters this contest. I think that these contests generally bring a smile to my face. There could be a female version. We could do a female version. And I would say that that probably would be a bad idea because men would be strong, so mean in the comments about the women who are just trying to have fun that it wouldn't be possible for women to do this is not me trying to be a progressive or trying to be performative. I think. I think the real issue if I'm a woman watching these men have a grand old time telling each other how much they look like Timothee Chalamet is that as a woman, I would feel that this is impossible, that this level of whimsy. Because I think most men who enter the JFK Timothee Chalamet Bad Bunny contest do it with tongue firmly planted in cheek. I think if you enter this contest and the reason you see 100 women cheering for them, it's their friends, it's their whole crew that they're going and getting drunk with. This was a stupid thing that lifted out of the group chat, and they're having fun. I think looking at this with negativity is your problem. And honestly, if the feedback to the men who say I look like JFK Jr. Is, oh, my God, your ego is going to get too big, that you have a severe lack of trust for the everyday person. You don't trust that they can go in this contest while also being a normal, fun guy. And I would say that's bad for you. Where I do think there's a complaint to be had is that women should be able to do this with the same whimsy and fun that men are doing it. I would love to see a version of this for Sydney Sweeney where all versions of women dress as a cartoonish version of Sydney Sweeney, but the men wouldn't be able to have fun with that. In the way that you're not having fun with the women or with the men. You're not having fun with these guys who are dressing as Willy Wonka as Chalamet. And that's fun and you should be able to have fun with it. I would say that it is my bet that in mass, the male commenters on the Internet would not be able to have fun with every woman's take on Sydney Sweeney, no matter how little she looked like Sydney Sweeney, but that they did a costume that was particular to her or a look that she goes for where they were imitating and lampooning that. That is the fun of these contests. Like if I entered the JFK junior contest, it would be chubby JFK junior I would do my fun take on it and it would in no way make me this big ego monster that you're describing. If anything, I'd walk away laughing at myself for doing such a thing. But I do think the anger and the complaint and then the part you might be missing is that women are not allowed this same version of having fun that men are allowed to have. I don't think it's even. And that's not. Again, I'm not trying to get a pat on the back from all of you ladies that listen. I'm just saying the unfair, cruel nature of the world is that if a woman tried to have fun with this on the Internet and did a Liv Tyler look alike contest and did a bunch of Liv Tyler versions, the men would be extremely mean. And that's why it doesn't happen. I would encourage the women to do it anyway. I think they can have their own fun with a number of different celebrities where there's people that look like the celebrity and then there's people doing the goofy version. And I think everyone, that's true equality when we can all be goofy with stupid lookalike contests. Jtrain, podcastmail.com, it's a ticked off Tuesday. We're here every Tuesday. Tell a friend, tell a friend, tell a friend back next week. Boom.