← The JTrain Podcast
The JTrain Podcast
Did My Long Distance Fling End It? Interpret These Screenshots Please! - MONDAY MAILBAG
00:39:11
Loading summary
Transcript1 lines
- [00:00]
A
It's a mailbag. Munder, you got problems there? I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag Monday. Hello, and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming to you live from Delray Beach, Florida. That's right, every Monday is a ma Bag Monday, where you, the listener, email me the comedian with your questions. It can be anything. If you're new here, here's the email jtrain podcast gmail.com jtrain podcast gmail.com. you can really ask about anything. Any advice, question you have. We love specificity. Find out what it means to me. That's right. We like a story. We. We like details. We like to get into it. This is brunch fodder. That is what this podcast is. Here's what happened. What do you guys think? And listen, I'm gonna give you an answer that someone at the brunch table might not be able to give because I'm not making eye contact with you. So there might be something that's rattling around in your head that you want to hear an unbiased response on. And listen, I have my own biases, don't get me wrong. But I'm gonna come at you honestly that we call it the. The hug and whisper. I'm gonna hug you and I'm gonna whisper some truth into your ear. Little hug and a whisper. We're gonna care for you. I'm gonna. I'm gonna rock you, Betty. Bye. Don't worry, I'll take care of you. I ain't gonna mean I ain't gonna bite. I ain't gonna mean I ain't gonna be mean. I ain't gonna bite hard. Man, Austin Powers. What a great movie. That is an Austin Powers. I won't bite hard. I mean that. That movie. Go back and watch Austin Powers. Go back and watch Ace Ventura Pet Detective. Worth watching because that movie is wildly good. Good movie, good premise, good caper, good detective film. Pet Detective. Who would have thought of such a thing? Good for those, whoever's involved that movie. I hope they have all the money and everything they want. So that is me putting positivity in the world. Here's a few things from. Here's how it works here. If you're new here again, email jtrain podcast gmail.com. i have three emails in front of me. I do three emails every Monday. Three emails to get you started. The promise here is a daily podcast that is 20 minutes at a mint YouTube. Go subscribe to YouTube. I'm putting up stuff every Saturday. YouTube has become like this Mount Everest for me that I'm trying to figure out. We really, I'm having trouble breaking through the YouTube. I'm spending so much money. Speaking of money. Well, most, a lot, a lot of the money that's going into YouTube is from Patreon. Patreon. If you have been listening to this podcast for, let's call it six months and you've never done a sponsor, that's fine. I, I understand that sometimes the sponsor doesn't help your life. If you've never joined the Patreon. Well, let's try it, give it a shot. If you've been here for six months, I think you're going to like what we're doing on Patreon, which is coffee with J Train. Basically my personal diary. If you listen to Fridays, hasn't been taped but I, I basically tell you stories from the week. This week I'm going to, I have to go to New York tomorrow for a quick overnight. That's something I'll go into. I went on vacation to Puerto Rico. Loved Puerto Rico. San Juan. Enjoyed the hell out of San Juan. I'll talk more in, in more detail about the San Juan trip, who I went with, why I went, what it was all about, how much fun I had, where I stayed. If you want some Puerto Rico and why I think Puerto Rico on a weekend trip, I mean, I can't. There's pros and cons to everything. But I would say this is, this is a pro Puerto Rico podcast. I would say as far as you want that weekend beach trip and you want to make it happen easy and you want to make it happen in a price, you know, you know you want that vacation. You've seen that influencer take on Instagram. I think you can get in a cost effective way via San Juan and Puerto Rico. I'm just a huge fan, been going my whole life. So let's get into the episode. I have three emails in front of me. I also have added road dates. Salt Lake City's first, then Tempe, Arizona, St. Louis. Coming to the loo, Norwalk, Connecticut, Vegas, Louisiana. Jacksonville, Austin, Jacksonville. I've never performed in Jacksonville or I performed near Norwalk, Tempe in Jacksonville. New to me, 16 years into the business as I do some shadow boxing. If you're watching on YouTube. We don't put these on YouTube but we put up a clip. Jared, long time U up listener. Newer to J Train welcome to the jcu the J Train cinematic universe. You've become a weekly staple and comfort to listen to. I that means a lot to me. I like hearing that. Let me be the the sultry voice that whispers in your ear that puts you to bed at night, that wakes you up in a morning in a. More I keep missing a word. I've been dating a guy for six months. Good for you. Happy for you. He treats me better than any guy I've ever, ever dated. Oh, what's coming I think this is and and if you have been here before, you know I read these with you. I like to read these. I like to let it hit me when it hits you. When I hear I've been dating a guy for six months, he treats me better than any guy I've ever dated. I'm thinking, oh, nice guy that I don't really like. That's what I'm thinking. You're. You're propping them up to cut him down. I'm 33. He's 32. We're both looking for a long term partner. He's sweet, attentive, always planning. Oh this guy is when he's going to see me next up. Keeps my car maintenance. What's he's keeping your car nice. Gives me great gifts, wants to plan a vacation together. Oh, she doesn't want to go on vacation with his loser and is always open for me to share whatever is on my mind. He's communicative. Oh my God. He's my one hang up is that he doesn't prioritize his health. Okay. He smokes spliffs weekly. Maybe daily. Weekly. Daily. Those are spliffs. What is a spliff? I I'm sorry to be senor nerd over here, but spliff meaning I I listen I I know spliff means something weed related but like I think it's the way you roll it. Maybe you put in tobacco with the weed so you get like a it's more of a cigarette blended thing going on. I'm waiting on my Internet. He smokes spliffs. It's so specific to write he smokes spliffs weekly. You he smokes weed weekly maybe daily. Eats toaster strudels for breakfast. I have to say in this guy's defense already, if you described specifically what I eat for breakfast what I he eats a handful of cheddar cheese straight from the bag like a disgusting animal while making noises while he eats it. Not like noises like, like I can hear his mouth chewing it together like a big old pig. Like I I don't think Any of us want our day to day described in great detail? We want, yeah, he smokes a little bit and he eats some. He likes to have, you know, a sweet in the morning as opposed to a savory. When you say he eats toaster strudels for breakfast, eats fast food weekly and drinks Red Bull often, you've described a disgusting animal to me. But I also understand that if someone described me, oh, Jared. Yeah, Jared eats a handful of peanut butter filled pretzels while standing over the sink and then guzzles a Coke Zero and makes that noise that you make when you have ice in the glass and he sucks on the ice. And then he gets into bed and he farts and he, it sounds like he pushes out the fart. It's not a natural fart. He's like forcing a fart out of him as if it was like taking up space in his stomach. And then when he turns over in bed, he goes, every time he turns like he's a hundred years old. Like, I wouldn't want that set of me. She writes, okay, my one hang up. I mean, these are many hang ups. My one hang up is that he doesn't prioritize his health. You're I. Okay, we'll get to your. How you wrote this. He smokes spliffs weekly air spliff, meaning marijuana cigarette. Why do they call it a spliff? Spliff is a word of West Indian, Jamaican, English origin, likely from the 1930s, but his exact root is unknown, though it though it generally refers to a cannabis cigarette often mixed with tobacco, distinguishing it from a pure cannabis joint in some regions, while in Jamaica it just might just mean any cannabis cigarette. So I think I'm about right. It's some sort of mix of canabis with tobacco. So my one hang up is that he doesn't prioritize his health. He smokes spliffs weekly, maybe daily, eats toaster strudel for breakfast, eats fast food weekly, and drinks Red Bull often. I am turned off by these habits. Well, I like that you're owning your feelings. Like, I think I am turned off by these habits is an important thing to admit to. To say it's my one hang up is that he doesn't prioritize prior. To say, my one hang up is that he doesn't prioritize his health. Nobody would think that or believe. No one believes that it's about his health. We believe that you think these things are disgusting. You find him to be a grotesque pig for eating fast food and smoking a Spliff and having a toaster strudel. And every time he takes that extra, like, icing from the toaster strudel basket and he spreads it on and he tries to do the perfect squiggle, you're sitting there dried up like the Sahara. That's okay. But let's not make it about his health. As if, oh, he might get heart disease from all the toaster strudel. No, you think this is a disgusting thing for him to eat. And it makes you think more, I would assume, of the unattractive physical qualities that he has. To me, this is someone that you think if they lost 10 pounds, they would look a lot better and sexier to you and more cleaned up. And they may be that would make you more attractive. If. If I'm gonna play. If I'm gonna give you some feedback on the languaging and how you might be like, Jared. No, I. Everything you say is wrong. Fine. But I'm saying this is how it's received from reader from your friends. Oh, I just wish my boyfriend would prioritize his health. Oh, really? Do you think he needs to take cholesterol medication? Well, I don't know. He sits there and eats toaster strudel and he has a big fat whopper every day, like, and smokes a spliff. You'd be like, oh, you're just not no one. You don't give a about his heart. You give a about how it looks at two months. I told him I didn't want to date someone long term who uses nicotine. See, you're not saying this is you communicating, but not communicating. He said, if it's important to me, it's important to him. But no behavior changes so far. Is there a chance his behavior will change? How would you recommend approaching a conversation about these behaviors which giving me the ick. Sincerely, A bet you wants to prioritize healthy habits. I think your biggest problem is that you think you're communicating more than you are. That's my takeaway from this email. Now, can he make a change? I think anyone can change. I would say this. The most surprising thing in my life has been at 38 years old. 38 is. I started to floss on a daily basis, twice a day. I never would have thought I would have made a change like that. To me, flossing. And you might be thinking you don't floss. You didn't floss when you were 36. No, let me. This is me being vulnerable. This is me telling you that I'm A fucking disgusting pig. Just like this woman's boyfriend. Okay, I am saying to you that I didn't floss. And then suddenly something came over me to make me want to floss. I don't know what it was. I think I went to the dentist once and they were like, you're. This is horrific. What are you doing? I don't know what happened, but change is possible. I. I'm gonna. I'm a. I'm a. I'm. I'm. I'm a. And again, it was a small thing. Flossing daily is really small. But smoking less weed or cutting back the fast food habit. But you describe what you described is different than what you said to him. And I'm being very difficult on your email. Yes, let me, let me, let me hug you a little bit. I'm being hard on you. But when you write my one hang up is that he doesn't prioritize his health. And then you go into he smoke. You didn't say anything about going to the gym. You didn't say anything. It just sounds like you have a boyfriend that you're becoming unattracted to because. And, and it's connecting one thing to another, which a lot of times I would say people do. I'm about to say women, because I think a lot of times women want they look at the whole story more than a man does. I think a lot of times men go, hot woman. Don't care how that hot woman got to me. She's here. Who gives a if she walked into the room and before she came in, she was chomping on a fat Big Mac and then burped and chugged the rest of her Red Bull. A lot of men would go, do I still want to walk in the room? I think a lot of women go, the whole package matters. And I think that's kind of where you're coming from because you just described a whole package and then you make it about prioritizing healthy habits. It's more it. You're trying to make yourself look good via this feedback. You're not being vulnerable. So why would he. So when you say, hey, I don't want to date someone to. At two months in, I told him, I don't want to date someone long term who uses nicotine. That is very different than. I'm turned off by him spreading the icing on his toaster strudel on a Tuesday morning. Because Tuesdays, generally people should be trying to be healthy. And this disgusts me. Now, can he change? I Think he can. I think again to go back to my own personal experience, I've made so many changes in the past three years, I can't even begin to explain them all. But it did start with flossing. I think the flossing thing made me realize, oh, you can change, you can do this. You can be a little bit different than you thought you could be. And, and I think maybe you start small. I think you say to him like and, and I, I don't know how you do that I think but I think it's about being a little more honest with yourself about what you're not into. You're not into him not prioritizing his health. You're turned off because these things disgust you. And it's not that he. Because having a spliff is different than having a cigarette. That the way describing as he smokes a spliff weekly, maybe daily and I don't want to date someone who uses nicotine. Those are two different complaints. I don't buy it. I don't buy what you told him. If you. And you know he hasn't made the change because and I do think it all relates, you're not vulnerable. So he's not going to be vulnerable. Now if you said hey, when I, I never envisioned myself dating someone who gets high on a daily basis and then chomps on a toaster strudel. You know, if he had a cigarette outside in his wingtip shoes with his three piece suit on, after a day of making a hundred thousand dollars, would you date someone with that, that has a little nicotine then that you. I, I'm just saying these are, I'm giving you some feedback on how you sound. You haven't said whether he works out. That's a part of it. You know, if he's training for a marathon and then smoke some weed afterwards, is it about his health then? J train podcast gmail.com J train podcast@gmail.com we have one sponsor quo. We are sponsored Quo. It's annoying when your boss hits you up on an email, text and call. That's why today's episode is brought to you by Quo. The smarter way to run your business Communications. Quo is the number one rated business phone system. The Quo app works on your phone or computer wherever you are. You get calls, texts, voicemails, transcripts and contact details all in one place. Communicate faster, stay aligned and deliver results with Quo. Make this the time where no opportunity and no customer slips away. Try quo for free. Plus get 20% off your first six months when you go to quo.comjtrain that's Q-U-O.com j train quo no miss calls, no miss customers. Now if you own a business, I would think that Quo is something worth researching. I am so happy that a sponsor that sponsors this small business can maybe help your small business. That's what this is all about at people helping people. Now you can get 20 off your first six months when you go to quo.com jtrain so if you have a small business, I'm saying here's something, here's a resource to look into. So let's go to the other emails. Next one J oh we have a screenshot. J train longtime listener, benefit subscriber and avid YouTube watcher. Feather feather. Thank you. I was listening to you break down text on the POD today and it inspired me to send in one of mine. My girlfriends and I have gone back and forth trying to interpret what this response meant. So I'd love your take for context. I live in California and fly to Ohio Quarterly for work. We met on Hinge and saw each other consistently for about two and a half years. He even came to CA for his birthday and spent the day with me, which made me feel like it was it was time to ask. So I did. My friends think his response was positive. I think it was a let me down easy. So my friends think his reply was positive. I think it was a let me down easy. So I moved on. Especially since he never followed up to make a plan. What say you? So we're going to read the email or we're going to read the text? I. It is a pretty clean text as I'm seeing it. I'll say. I noticed one thing right away. This person has been they've been seeing each other's consistently for two and a half years. So before I read this, I just, I'm not going to make a. I'm making assumptions. But like there's a few things from the email that like hit me and I love that. This is like, hey, me and my friends have been going over this. My friends think this. I think this. Okay, so maybe let me point out some things that maybe the friends would feel uncomfortable pointing out. You live in California and fly to Ohio Quarterly for work. We met on Hinge. I am going to assume. And because you said he even came to California for his birthday and spent the day with me, I'm going to assume you live in California, he lives in Ohio. You go to Ohio Quarterly. While you were there, you went unhinged let's see what's happening Here you go on a date. Wow, it was great. You are still distance over two and a half years. This is to me, if I'm guy in Ohio with woman who comes in once a quarter, this is very convenient for me. And I'm also not asked to be anything more than good for her. One visit a quarter, then I go to California and I spent the day on my birthday. That means nothing. That was also convenient. Yeah, I'll hop a flight to California. There's a girl who will bang me there and she's not asking for anything more than this once a quarter thing. And if I date in between and I look for someone to be with, I can do that. And even if I'm like a month in with some girl and I'm not sure about her, my once a quarter comes into town from California, I can organize myself to be a really good hang for that 48 hours of time. Anyone can be a good boyfriend for 48 hours. That is. So when you're saying we've had it great over and then two and a half years. Two and a half years is not what this is. Two and a half years when you're in a relationship and have communicated, that's different than two and a half years of hooking up is not the same to me. And I think you're using time to somehow give credibility to this relationship. A lot of women do this and I hear from it, oh, we've been doing this for two and a half years. No, you're some chick he's been hooking up with for a couple of years. So I don't think a lot of men look at it that way. It's been two and a half years of my life. No, he has no rush. So let's read the text. This is her question, sir. Oi. If I saw questions, sir, I'd be like, here we go, here we go. Yeah, I would see. And she. And she did. The new thing people do is they do questions, sir on one line so that you have to open it up double space, double space. Okay. I would see questions, sir. And I'd be like, okay, what's under this? And then it's here's the real and. And I know I would know a problem's coming right away. Chick I hook up with once a quarter has a question. She's putting in a different line than the other. The first line. Yeah, I have a problem. Have you ever thought about making this more than what it is? I, I could get into why that's a bad move. I think you're asking him. Here's why. He's going to be vague. You're asking him to be more vulnerable than you're being with him. And if. And he doesn't need it. He doesn't. He's not sitting there like, oh, what does she think of me? He's letting this go along, so you're gonna get vay vague. Gets you vague. Let's see what he said. Hey, I can't say that I've never thought about it. Well, it might have crossed my mind. Yeah, it crosses his mind every time you're in town that you probably want more. That's when he's thought about it. In all honesty, though, I haven't put a lot of thought towards it. With the distance between us again, the break in case of emergency, you know, thing is, the distance, the, the. The. The lever he can pull to make sure he's not a piece of is we're so far away. So that's what he's doing. He's making sure to, you know, back off. Back off. You live, you know, the distance. Back off. That's why I haven't really gone down that road of thinking like a human being. He's a human being. We all think down the road. What does she want from me? Do I want anything more from her? Do I need more from her? He's thought of these things. Oh, the distance. Okay, stay away. Distance. I will also say that I've never really dated someone with kids and never really went for someone with kids again. You're some chick who came into town to go on a hot date during her quarterly meeting and we hooked up and oh my God, you have kids. Good thing you live out of town. So you've never really asked me for anything more. That's. I. And I kind of feel like this is a question. I kind of feel like. So let's go back to the text. I kind of feel like this is questioned. Let's go back to the text. Okay. I kind of feel like this question is to decide whether or not to write off Mr. Blank or for 22, maybe he has a nickname. I kind of feel like this question is to decide whether or not to write off Mr. Mazda for 2026. So I also want to say, I hope you don't take anything I'm saying there the wrong way. You're an amazing human being. Oh, the minute anyone says human being, it's over. With a big heart. Oh, he's talking about how big your heart is. You're kind, caring, thoughtful. Hey. Oh, all these things will be great for the guy who ends up marrying you. Not me, though. I don't wanna like why he's doing this. He's. He's propping you up to let you know I think very highly of you as a general entity. But I'm not looking for more serious because I don't want the responsibility of someone who lives in California while I live in Ohio and they have a kid and I'd have to make real decisions. I like you, but not enough to dig in with you. That's what he's saying. But I am willing to get my dick sucked here in Ohio for as long as you're willing to do that without too many emotional problems getting in the way. That's what he's saying. You're kind, caring, thoughtful, funny. Obviously beautiful. I will also say I could never. I. I will also say I never could have expected after the first night we spent together that we would have ended up spending as much time as we have together. But I've always had a great time with you when we're together. He said the word together 7,000 times. She writes, understood, God speed and goodbye now with a something emoji I don't even know well, my friends. To think his reply was positive. It was positive. I like hanging out with you. I don't want this to be more of a responsibility for me. I'm willing to keep going the way we're going right now for another two and a half years while you call it five years. I call it some chick I hook up with every now and again. Oh, we've been doing that for five years. Oh, time flies when you're having fun. So. And you say, I think it was a let me down easy, so I moved on. I. I think you kind of did the. I think you. What you did is a problem for you, not for him. I don't think he's done anything wrong. He was honest when you asked for honesty. As honest as he could be without being rude, which is what we are all told to be. Now, he could say it the way I said it, which is pretty rude. If he said, yeah, I like hooking up with you every time you're here. But like, yeah, I'm not gonna get more serious with someone living in California. And I like you and I think all these great things about you, but I also don't envision a future with us. I'm not that crazy. Men are mathematical. Men are solvers and that goes to positive and negative places. He is looking at this going, he's not delusional enough. You have to get so delusional about this connection that you go, let me toss away the miles and oh, you have a kid. Who cares. Whatever it is, love will conquer all. There's no such thing as blowjob will conquer all. There's love conquer all. There is no such thing as we hook up once every quarter. Well, that will conquer all. So. And I just think my feedback to you when you do this, you are blocking yourself off. You are not saying whether you like him, you're not saying what you've thought of a future with him. You're putting all this is him. This is a, this is a rope for him to put over his shoulder, start pulling. You didn't exactly make this easy on him to, you know, because all this, if I were in his position, have you ever thought of making this more of a thing? Look what he did. He's bringing up your kids and he's like the distance and no, he already is ahead of himself. Hey, if you had texted him, hey, I'm not saying he would have came back with better, but I'm just saying you didn't really say what you're looking for and how you feel. So your lack of vulnerability got no vulnerability back and then you just bailed when you didn't get the exact answer you envisioned as a picture perfect answer. So you're not willing to fight for this as much as he's not willing to fight for this. That's my feedback for you to go, understood, godspeed and goodbye. Now to me, you're as rude as him. You're as blocked off as him. And you think because you talk about your feelings with your girlfriends, you're this high minded person and he's some sort of person who doesn't think about these things. I'm like annoyed for him because the whole understood, godspeed and goodbye. I'm not saying it would have changed things, but like, let's not act like you are also doing what he's doing. Let's, let's not act like. Because right now you'd say, well, he's telling me all these nice things, but he doesn't want to go deeper. And it's like, and then you were just like, God speed and goodbye. Now, hey, what do you, have you ever thought about making this more than. More than what it is? What does that even mean? What is more than what it is? Being. Is that, is that being in a relationship and planning out one more trip, one trip a month where we can get together. That'd be nice. That'd be nice for me. That's kind of what I'm looking to have. And I'm looking to get to know you more and maybe taking a trip together. Maybe we go to. You know, there's other things when you bail in the way you did and then say, wow, this guy, really, all he wanted to do was hook up. Well, you. All you wanted was for someone to tell you what to do and tell you to be in a relationship without your feelings even being accounted for for. So. J train podcast gmail.com j train podcast gmail.com I love doing this podcast. I just hope you guys know that. Thank you for listening. If you're this deep into this show on a Monday, thank you for making me a part of your Monday. I really do appreciate. I love that email to me is like, what it's all about. I love the screenshot. I think it tells you there's so much there to dig into. I think she think, you know, I'd love to hear back from her. I think she thinks she's being more mature than he is. But honestly, they're the same maturity level. She's not giving anything. It didn't say, hey, I have been thinking a lot about you, and I really liked our conversation that we had about this subject. It made me feel like we could be a little bit more than what we are. And the things I'm looking for are for someone to make a plan with me and get to know me over a little bit more than once a quarter. I don't know if you've ever thought about this, and I know I have a kid and maybe you're looking to have kids and, you know, don't want to date someone who already has kids, but, like, that's stuff that we can get to in the future if this is really a connection. Like, those are like, I was just more vulnerable than she ever was. All right, let's go to the next email. J train podcast gmail.com jtrain podcast gmail.com Jared, my boyfriend of two years just got one of those. I almost hit my microphone. Okay. Jared, my boyfriend of two years just got one of those phone screen protectors that blocks the view from the side. I have also gotten one of these while in a relationship, and she did not take it well. At first I thought it was funny and I assumed it was a joke. That same thing happened to me. I'm at the I'LL never forget it. I'm at the phone place, I go to get a screen protector, and the guy looks at me and goes, we got two screen protectors. One is the regular, and the other blocks someone from looking over your shoulder. And I'm like, huh? And I looked at my then girlfriend and I was like, it blocks you from reading my text. And she goes, really? And I go, well, take the blocked one. And she was like. And then she didn't find it so funny anymore. My whole thing. And it wasn't even that I was texting other people. I was like, I'm on a flight all the time. I do make fun of people who stand next to me on flights and in. In public. So, yeah, I'd like the screen protector. I don't have one now, but I. So let's read their email. So I've been in this situation. At first I thought it was funny and assumed it was a joke. But he told me he actually got it because he doesn't like when I glance at his phone when we're sitting next to each other. Ah, okay. So you got some truth out of it. I told him it made me uncomfortable and honestly, a little suspicious. It feels weird that he would go out of his way to make sure I can't see his screen. Am I overthinking this, or is this a red flag? Would you see a privacy screen on a partner's phone as a deal breaker? I wouldn't see it as a deal breaker because there's many reasons to get a. There's many reasons. When I got the screen protector that blocked out my then girlfriend. And again, I'm not with her now, so. But I, I think a lot of people, I, I. Nobody likes someone looking over their shoulder while they're doing. Doing something. Let's just say that whether girlfriend, boyfriend, mother, father, sister, brother, no one wants someone looking over their shoulder seeing something. I mean, when we read these texts out loud on this podcast, there's a reason. It's interesting because you're seeing what other people are privately whispering to one another. A text to one another can be a conversation, a full volume, but a lot of times it's a whisper. A lot of times it's two people telling each other things in ways that they would never say it in public. You know, you make jokes to one another over DM and text that you would hope wouldn't make it out. You know, there are, you know, whenever they have those subpoenas for people's texts, you have that M.O. you all of us look in a little bit, a little bit closer look at Taylor Swift, that whole court case that what's her name has with, you know, the. She's friends with Ryan Reynolds girlfriend. The whole court case, they got the text and you can see how Taylor texts with her. That's interesting. So is it a deal breaker? No. I don't think you're overthinking this because obviously you're looking over his shoulder to see something, to check on something. There is some trust that isn't here. I wouldn't say, you know, everything's on a spectrum. I would say you don't trust your boyfriend a hundred percent, and he doesn't trust you a hundred percent to take all his texts and DMS as innocent. We have a problem. Can we fix that? Yeah, I think we can. I think I'd like to be in a relationship where my phone is out and everything gets seen and who cares? But some texts take the explanation. I had this happen last week and I got a text and I. I've had this happen many times where I'll get a text from an unknown number and I'll look at it and I'll be like, what is this? And then I'll show it to someone I'm with, and I can see on their face, is this the moment that I find out that Jared's a piece of by accident. And then I'm like, well, this relates to this. And this story that I told you then relates to that. And this is how we came to this text. And I can see relief go over their face. So the text, the phone is like this thing that, like, is always sitting there in need of an explanation that can pop up at any time. So I think a lot of us want to get in front of that. Us being people. So again, the answer isn't black or white. It's really. I don't think you're overthinking this. I do think it's a red flag. I don't think it's a deal breaker. Her. I do think it's worth noting that, like, it is a little annoying when you look over someone's shoulder. Do they feel like you don't trust them? What don't you trust? I would start with that. What is it that you don't trust? What do you think he's getting text from that you feel the need to look, have that conversation, not the text screen. And. And why are you looking? And. And. And honestly, if he has a reason to. To block out his text and he says I don't like it feels. I don't like when you look over my shoulder. He might not like when you look over his shoulder because he doesn't like that you're suspicious of him when he's doing nothing at all. Now, he could also not like that you look over his shoulder because he doesn't like that you might see the text he's getting from other girls that he's still being flirty with while being in a relationship with you. Somewhere in the middle, the truth lies. Jtrainpodcast@gmail com jtrainpodcast@gmail.com It's a mailbag. Monday. We will be back next week. Boom.