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The JTrain Podcast
Divorced My Wife After 3 Months! Help! - MONDAY MAILBAG - The JTrain Podcast w Jared Freid
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Jared Freed
It's a mailbag. Munder, you got problems there. I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag. Monday. Hello, and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming to you live from. From Phoenix, Arizona. That's right. Every Monday is a mail bag. Monday, we take emails from listeners and we give some advice and perspective. What do I know? I know nothing. I'm just someone who can talk about your issue without having to look you in the eye or know you. That's kind of powerful. People that know you know your backstory, know who you are, who you were, and that kind of makes you not believe what they say. And because you're looking at them going, well, you did this back then, and you're this type of person, and you're kind of negative. So, you know, I have no. There's nothing here. Just a guy voicing his opinion more honestly than I believe anyone in your life will. So this is all to say, send in your emails. It can be love, life, life advice. You can be. I love wedding and bachelor bachelorette parties. I love travel. Questions, ethical. Let's get into it. And you can email jtrainpodcastmail.com or the Instagram account. We monitor both. You can DMTrain podcast on Instagram and we'll get your question right now. I have two in front of me. One is a little bit longer. Here's the name of it. Divorced wife after three months for a woman that read at my wedding, Everyone hates me. That's the. That's the full title. Talk about a tease. I mean, like, that's juicy. That comes into the inbox. It's like, okay, we're reading this. Divorce wife after three months for a woman that read at my wedding, Everyone hates me. There are dots. Is that called an ellipses? Sometimes I'm like, jared, did you learn anything ever? Yeah, an ellipsis. Ellipses. Ellipsis. Divorced wife after three months for a woman. Dot, dot, dot. That read at my wedding. And then in capital letters, everyone hates me. Someone is going through it, but we're going to hear the. You know, so we're going to hear from the guy who ended things and he sent all these pictures. He's been to my shows. I'm looking at pictures of us from, like, years ago. Oh, these pictures of me. I look like a different person. I'm a young boy. He is, too. I'm looking at pictures. He came to shows early on. So we're going to get into that Email. On today's podcast, we have three sponsors. That's right. All the sponsors are here to give you some free dough to, like, enjoy what they do. If they can help you, use the promo code. And that helps me look at. We're all scratching each other's backs. If you don't need them. If you look, if you hear them and you go, nah, that's okay, too. Enjoy the show. The first of three. We're going to read one, then we'll do an email, then we'll do another and another and then an email. We got two emails. Valentine's Day is on the horizon. Oh, my God, it's already here. And on that note, I am after Phoenix, Montreal. I go international. Montreal again. I keep saying this. Tampa were in negotiations that could happen in February. And then I head to New Zealand and Australia. If you know anyone, anyone you know in Australia, New Zealand, a cousin, a friend, a mama, papa, anyone who likes to laugh, let them know about the dates. I would love for there to be. I want. I want the shows to be good, to make the. The trip feel worth it. So I'm excited to go. It'll be an exciting adventure. Valentine's Day is on the horizon. And you know and I know and I know you want to look good. Me undies is going to help you look huge. This is quite a copy. Meundy's going to help you look huge with their contoured pouch and ball caddy. So this or make your partner look huge. Good gift. Choose from. And I think if you bought an underwear that accentuated the bulge, I think that helps both parties. I think that gets both people more excited. 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This Valentine's Day, good things come in big packages at me undies get 20, 20, 20% off your first order, plus free shipping@meundies.com feather that's meundies.com feather for 20% off, plus free shipping. Meundies. Comfort from the outside in. So we have two ads left, but let's get into the email, which is long. Excuse me. It is dry here in the desert. Let me get some Wawa. Wawa. Did that just turn off every woman who's ever listened to this podcast? Little bit of watt. Got a water. Got my email. Let's do it. J Train. Do we still feather the nuts? Sorry for the length and it ain't even touching. The story and it even. Okay, let's hope this guy wrote it better than these first two sentences. Picks attach for perspectives. You and me and me and Gotha. Me and Catha. TFM days listeners. Two live shows. Oh, so he's telling me the pictures that I have in front of me. So it's him and I and then him and Gotha. He put it in quotes. They must have names that are unfamiliar to Mo. Like, they must have, like, very, you know, maybe different than normal. You know, they're not a Jared, but if you're going to use an alias, use one that we can recognize that you don't have to go Gotha and Katha. Unless you're using real names, which I don't. They're in quotes. I'm going to assume they're not real names because I'm not going to go back. But, you know, for someone that fucked up and divorced wife and everyone hates me in your title, you. You have started on a weird path. I'm just. This is my feedback to you, Mr. Listener. Again, don't have to make. But we've met and I appreciate that you're an early fan. I'm looking at these two pictures. It's us to show that it's you with one woman and then you with another woman. The first picture, it's him with a woman. They look somewhat, you know, they're like at a form, a little bit formal event. He's in a jacket, suit jacket. The. The second picture, he's with another woman, and they are dressed as Morticia and Morticia Adams. She's Morticia and he's Gomez. So let's go. But I mean, again, he put the names in quotes. Why not use like, you know, Rachel and Jessica just for reading sake. So me and Gotha. And Me&Katha, TF Day, TFM Days, Listener2Live Show Photos together. Oh, geez. From before. Face, body, personality in Stand Up New York. Let's dive. Okay, well those are like references to really early things people used to write. You know, men, college dudes used to write in that they had. And the whole premise was anyone could use it if you wanted to rate someone you were dating. Face, body, personality. So it's called the area code method. And it was something that I, in college, when I was abroad, these guys that I used to hang out with in Florence, they, they went to nyu, they would do it. So I did it on the podcast. It fell out. You know, again, we aged. I'm 36. I got engaged last summer to a woman, let's call her Gotha. Again, weird choice for an alias, but we move on. She's 30. She was a good fit for a small town guy like me, but I always felt like I was settling. I mean, I mean, talk about this guy's being honest. I mean, that's a hard thing to say about someone you were, you know, marrying. We planned to get married in September 2024. So that's this past September. Then in May, I met another woman through work, let's call her Katha. She's 35, so he's 36. The original woman, Gotha, was 30. And the new woman that came into his life in May is Katha. She's 35. She was my project manager, fixing major issues with my company's new software. Catha was smart, driven. We clicked right away. One day, overwhelmed with everything at work, I casually told Catha this is a lot and I have a wedding coming up. She immediately asked, what? You're getting married? I could tell she was caught off guard. And that moment set the stage for our connection to grow beyond work. Now here's me being honest. And again, easier to say to you over a podcast, but to the writer, the listener, the guy who's known me all these years and has listened to this show, I'm going to give it to you straight. To me, that's a very telling thing that you have this woman who you're dealing with on a day to day basis and then you say you're getting married and she's like, what? That is not, that's not one sided. That is to me. And I'm gonna make an assumption, but it is based on what you just told Me, it was flirtatious. And you didn't say that you had a partner. So, again, I'm not trying to give you. Yeah, I'm not trying. I don't have to try. It's very easy for me to see that you were flirting with this person. And then the reveal of the wife is almost like getting the match on Tinder. Bumble Hinge, because I agree with you. You had a little. You. It's. It would be weird to me for you to have the emotional intelligence to see that someone responded to you saying you were getting married in a way that was, you know, in a loving way, in a. In a sultry way, in a sultry. I don't even know if that's the right word. What am I, a guy who uses the word ellipsis? So it's hard for me to believe for you to be. To have the presence, to be able to notice that someone responded weirdly and off to you saying you're getting married, but also not have the emotional intelligence to know that you were flirting with this person and didn't offer the information that you had a fiance. So I think you've already started in a place where you're trying to, like, a little bit, build your case. And this happens with emails sometimes. I am more. You know, there was an email we read on the UF podcast, and there was a little bit of backlash that Jordana and I were laughing at someone and kind of giving this emailer shit because she was going through a tough time. Then she was gonna go to a wedding, and she was gonna see this guy at the wedding, and we gave advice, tough advice, but she wrote her email to me. I'm gonna give someone shit. When I feel someone's trying to push me in a direction. There's a manipulation going on. I'm more likely to make fun of you because the manipulation is part of the email you writing. She was my project manager, fixing major issues with my company's software. Katha was smart, driven, you know, and we clicked right away. One day, overwhelmed with everything at work, I casually told Katha, this is a lot, and I have a wedding coming up. She immediately asked, what? You're getting married? That's. No, no, no. That's not the beginning of the story. You have started midway through. I could tell she was caught off guard. And that moment set the stage for our connection to grow beyond work. No, it didn't. It started before that. Be honest with yourself. Be honest. You don't have. This is the thing. You have no reason to lie to me. You were pretty honest about how the first your fiance was considered settling for you, but you're not being honest about. I'm not mad at you. I know I'm getting fired up, but I'm just saying, you know, this is a manipulation in the email. So we became close. We became close friends. I'd call her after work to talk about our days, music, faith, and everything else. She used to play in an orchestra, and we share the same strict, traditional, ancient religion. Okay. I told Gotha about Catha and she wasn't thrilled. Understandably so. Yeah, I think people can feel these things again. To go back to something, you left out this flirtatious thing you did to me. What you tried to. What you did to her, you left out something very much important. I'm engaged. You know, when I meet. If I was in a relationship and I meet a woman, oh, my girlfriend's gonna come up. It's why, you know, again. And I guess my frustration is like, I tend to end things quicker than I'd like to. And I'm not blaming the podcast, but the podcast is a part of that reason, because it's hard to go on a podcast and talk about dating and relationships in my life and then just leave out this person. And it gets to a point where I feel uncomfortable and sick about it, and then I end up ending it because I'm not ready to put it on this other thing on the podcast. So that for me, and I'm personalizing this, I'm not ready to put it on the podcast. So that's. It's a look in the mirror moment for me. Why am I doing this? I must not be there with them if I'm not excited to share that information in my whole entire life. So I have to end it, even though I enjoy their company and like them. And maybe it might be too soon. So to get to your email, I'm. I'm. I. I guess I get frustrated with this. It's like you. You're going to the. You know. Oh, we. I got this friend from work. Okay. Everything feels like it's coming later than it maybe have, should have. But this is. Again, this is. You're writing in. I told Gotha about Katha and she wasn't thrilled, understandably so. But I introduced them and they seemed to understand it was just a friendship at first. That's all it was. But Kath inspired me to reconnect with my faith after years away. The faith thing works into this. I can understand how the fate you you know, if you both have these things, it's the thing that you can say that people can't deny. And, you know, on one hand it can, I, I can understand it. On the other hand, I, I'm like, it's a little bit of a tactic, Cath. And, like, were you inspired by Catherine to get into your faith because it got you closer to her? You know, like, that's also like, kind of like, it's tough to separate all this stuff. Which stirred something deep in me. Katha inspired me to reconnect with my faith after years away, which stirred something deep in me. To me, if Katha comes along and is really involved in something, and then you see that as a way to, like, connect with her further so you get more. Again, like, this is a little messy. A little. It's a lot messy. It made me realize how different Gotha and I were. Gotha doesn't care about religion, doesn't want kids. And honestly, I didn't want kids with her either. Fast forward. I invited Catha to the wedding and even had her do a reading. I hated every second of getting married. I wanted to leave Goth at the altar for Catha. The night before the wedding, I told my best man, let's say I run out with Catha when we hit the sidewalk outside. Then what? Let's be realistic. She lives states away, and I have a ch. I have a child I share 5050 custody of who. Who lives an hour away. What do I do then, Mr. Lover Boy Potstar Best man? What? Okay, you keep leaving things out. She lives states away. I. Who lives states away? Catha, the, the woman that you. Your friend. Okay. She lives states away, and I have a child I share 5050 custody of who lives an hour away. What do I do then, Mr. Lover Bo Potter, best man? Dude, I'm getting annoyed. I'm sorry. The wedding. I mean, I, I, I guess that's what you said to your best man, like, should I run away with her now? Again, when these things are said out loud that, you know, there's a point people, you know, let me normalize this a little bit, because this is a little extreme, I would say. But people always ask, like, when's the right time to, you know, let someone know that you want to end it? And I believe there's a moment you, you deal with, do I want to be with this person? And then you say, I'm going to end it. And then from the moment you say I'm going to end it to when you do end it, you're being kind of a dick now. You're with someone, you're putting on an act, and someone else is kind of living in this lie that they don't even. They're not in on the. They're not in on it. That's when. And listen, what makes you, you know, you have to acknowledge that dick phase, that phase from I know I'm going to end it to when you do end it, is you. Not really. And again, it's difficult. We've all been that person. Most of us have been in that position. The longer you do it, the more of an asshole you are. If it's a day, you had a day where, you know, because they always go, how long have you known? It's like, well, you know, because the decision isn't made. And again, it takes time, but the longer it goes, the more you're making someone else's. You're wasting this other person's time. The wedding happened, and I hated that it was happening. I was mentally in full chaos, but went through with it because everything was paid for thousands of dollars and people had flown in from Europe again. I can understand that. I understand this is hard to do, but doing the difficult things is what makes people, you know, heroic. It's what makes people, you know, gentlemen and good women and good people and good, you know, that's the difference. And again, I'm telling you right now, you seemingly. This is just some guy with a microphone. You're leaving out information from me, someone you don't have to do that with. So to me, I would say that's grounds to talk to a professional. Why am I doing that? I'm even doing that to a podcaster. You know, you do it to your fiance, you do it to the woman at work. There's reasons for that. There's things for you to lose. There's nothing for you to lose here. And you're doing it to me after, like you share a kid that just was tossed in there. This is all part of the email. After the wedding, things got worse. Gotha and I fought constantly, of course. Because you're not happy. I was texting Katha every day, thinking about her morning and night. Eventually, Gotha confronted me and about my feelings while. While here and I. While her and I were talking for hours at home and I admitted that I had had them for Katha. Gotha asked for a divorce. I wrote the papers. We flip. We filed yesterday. Okay. Right after Gotha moved out, Kath and I had our first chance to really be together. I traveled to see her for a work. For see her for a trip a week later originally booked for me and the wife. Just no wife. So you and your wife are gonna take a trip to, like, where this other woman was, and then you're like, okay, I guess now that we're divorced, no wife, it's just us. We explored our feelings, kissed and prayed intimately. That was intimately. That was it. Okay. But when Catholic was to went to confession, her priest told her to seek priestly counsel, which we both knew meant go no contact with me because I'm still technically married. Without an annulment. We agreed to do it because it was the right thing to do. Completely lost touch the day she was actually counseled. Annulment can take up to a year. Strict. Require strict investigation. And it's a concern to stay guarded because there aren't. They aren't guaranteed. I don't understand what you're saying. Now. Here I am, I'm filing for an annulment. And with the lang, I guess this all has to do with your religion, which, fine, I'm not here. This I. To me, this has nothing to do with your religion. By the way, I don't care what you're practicing. I don't care what you two are connecting on. You know, I do think you're using that to romanticize. You're romanticizing you and this other woman to kind of make it so people go, aw. Instead of, hey, douchebag, what the fuck? You wasted this way? You know, this does happen. Look at how romantic this is so that people forget it's the magician with the right hand doing shit with the left. Look how romantic this is. Well, dude, you kind of let on a woman and got married and made it. And made it so miserable that they asked for a divorce. So I think you're like, you have to take responsibility. Is my kind of going note here. Now here I am, I'm filing for annulment with the length and no guarantees. I don't know if Katha will still want me when this is over. In the meantime, I'm the villain in everyone's story. Gotha's family, my priest, our tiny 3,000 person town. Everyone hates me. I'm lonely as hell. I journal, I pray, work out and clean, but it's isolating. I'm sorry you're going through this. You know, both can be true, but this is, you know, you can. I'm sorry for you to go through this. And also you have to, you know, kind of deal with the responsibility of like, of your actions. So here's my question. What would you do in my shoes? Do I wait it out, keep improving myself and hope Katha wants me down the line? Or do I try to rekindle the friendship knowing it's risky to see if there's something. Something there? I've put myself in the situation, but the unknowns are killing me. Give me your thoughts, wise sage. I'll update you if you want to. All the. All the time in the world. I have all the time in the world these nights. Yeah. Okay, here's the thing. You're kind of. I have all the time in the world. Listen, I'm sorry you're going through this. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Here's my advice to you, Go to a therapist. You got to talk things out with a therapist. The idea that you're going to go and, oh, now that we can't be together because of this annulment, we'll just go back to friends. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You have. You have told her your feelings. That is what it is. I would go to a, you know, let's go to therapy and let's. Let's talk this out with a professional who has the skills to, you know, look within. You're. You're. And I know you're doing, you know, you're spending a lot of time alone. I would reconnect with your parents. I would go, do you have siblings? I know you're doing a lot of woe as me, and I'm sorry this is going on, but, like, it's time, you know, go to work, do your job, connect with friends, explain. And I would say when you say, like, everyone in your 3,000 person town is, like, mad at you, okay? But you got to have close friends. You got to have close family and you got to talk with them. And here's my advice. And I think this is the reason it's probably isolating. You're still kind of lying to yourself about how this all went down because you're lying to me. So, you know, my advice to you is to be vulnerable with these people. I know. And again, because of this, like, the romanticized version of this, of like, we. And again, I. The religion, I don't think is. It's just that could be a hobby. That could be something someone's passionate about. You guys both could be passionate about one thing and find that in common. Okay, fine. But that's what makes it. You know, I think you're, like falling head over Heels. And I think, you know, you're realizing that, like, you and this person aren't just going to run away together. And now you're left with, like, okay, this is. I have taken a hard right turn in life, and now it's like, how do we deal with that? What's the next. What's the next plan? You say you want to better yourself. Well, let's better ourselves with, like. And I'm saying this as someone who doesn't go to therapy. Okay. But I'm just saying, like, the fact that you're writing to me and not telling me everything when you could, you wanted to send me updates. I don't want updates. It's okay. There's no update to be had. The update should be, you know what? I'm gonna go speak to someone, and I'm gonna talk about how. Because it feels like you're lying. You know, why do you lie? Why do you do that? You know, why do people lie? They don't want to deal with the consequences. And then so many lies built up that now the consequences are huge. You had so many lies built up that, like, the consequences became that you had to get a divorce. And now because of that divorce, you can't really, you know, get close with someone because of the religious aspect. And again, so, you know, there. I'm not saying coulda, woulda, shoulda. We could go back and say, you know, let's say. Let's say you said to this person, and again, maybe you said to them you held back that you had a fiance because they were religious, and you knew that would change how you guys talk to each other. Oh, okay. So let's. You just have to, I think, taking responsibility and talking honestly with the people in your life. So I'm sure you're isolated because people in your life are like, they don't want to hear this story. They don't want to hear your version. Your version seems to have things left out, and they're not buying it, so they're probably backing away. They can't help. So that's my advice. I'm sorry you're going through this because it just sucks. I think this is. Again, you created this. And we all create things. We all do. We all avoid consequences whenever we can. We all try and soften the blow, and then it turns in. We all go through shit. Socks. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. To your fiance, the woman that you got divorced from. Again, her. Her challenges are different than yours, but I would start small. You mentioned 3,000 people town. Everyone's mad. How about we start with your sibling and your parents? If you have sibling, you know, or your best friend, start with one. That would be my advice to you and then a therapy. Reach out jtrain podcast@gmail.com, jtrain podcastmail.com we have two sponsors make the most of the playoffs with DraftKings Sportsbook in an official and make the most of the playoffs with DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NFL. It's an easy and fun way to get started with sports betting, even if you've never done it before. 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I feel for anyone going through a tough time. It sucks. And we all make mistakes, every one of us. We all avoid. We put things off. I'm not above that. I look back on things. There's so many things I wish I did differently. There's things I'm happy I did the right thing. It goes all ways. That's what makes us human. But when I read in an email that someone's trying to deceive me or manipulate me, I got to look at them in the eye or talk right to them and go, hey, I can see your problem right here. Based on this email has nothing. And you're not taking. You're not even taking the responsibility. That's the thing. You think you're gonna get this one over on me, and I'm not that smart. I'm a stupid fucking idiot. I don't even know what ellipsis is. And you know who else isn't that smart but knows that you're trying to pull the one over on them? Everyone in your life, they all know you're not that smart. Even your email. You have pictures from years ago. Do we still do the Feathering thing. You probably haven't listened to the show in years, and now you're going through. You come back to Papa JT Mailbag. Emotionally messy friend. Hey, I'm not sure if this would be a mailbag Monday or if it would be another category. Well, you're here, but I want to bring to. To attention emotionally messy friends. I have one friend in particular who will latch onto the next best relationship regardless of who it is with, including her emotionally abusive and manipulative ex. Well, those are big words, and I am sorry they're doing that. And I feel for them when I hear that, you know, it's. It's tough. I think this happens, like, with. I think a lot of women specifically, you know, they really take on the stresses of their friends in ways that I don't or haven't had to. Because when I read that, I'm like, yeah, like, if a friend lies to me, if a friend is doing I again, I'm not proud of it, but I back away. I. Homer Simpson in the bush. The fact that you're writing in for your friend who's. Who's emotionally messy, that means you care about them, which I really appreciate. When she is feeling beaten down by him, she will reach out to me and vent and vent and vent. I'm not sure if she is looking for advice, but I always give it. I take the late night phone calls and the paragraphs of text with a grain of salt and try to be supportive and patient and sweet with her because I know she needs it now. This happens when people would come to me for advice over Instagram. I used to, like, do Patreon advice. And I had you found. What I found is that when people came on Patreon and paid for advice, I would always have to, like, say, like, listen, I am not a professional, because I did. I just wanted to make sure they knew that. And then I also wanted to tell them. There was a point where it's like I just kept repeating myself. Some people don't want to hear the answer. They just want to, like, you know, lay it all on someone else. So that can be a lot of weight to hold on to. I can understand why it's frustrating. Then when she's tied up with another guy or I guess getting the dopamine hit from somewhere else, she's so s. She's so silent. It's almost like she's mad at me. And I don't hear for her for weeks at a time. See, now this person is just like, oh, so you Use me. I, I will say this. I, I will say this. This is different. But I have felt. This is so dumb. I feel a little used when I see that I, like, in the past, like, I'll have, like, all the DMS from someone. I can see, like, what our past was, and I'll see, like, someone that I've given, like, thorough advice to and help and, like, help them through whatever they were going through. And I didn't do it, like, hoping for, like, something on the other side. So, you know, and it. I, I, you know, sometimes I would give advice and I'd be like, okay, and here's the, you know, someone would come to me with this, like, long paragraph, and I'd be like. And I would take the time to write them back thoughtfully because that's what they wanted from me. And then I would be like, and also for anything further, you got to go to Patreon. I can't give my time to this. And, like, I'll see that. I, and I used to do that all the time. And I've stopped now because. And again, this is relating to this emailer. Then the special came out on Netflix. The biggest thing to ever happen in my life. And then the person will, like, message me like an LOL to something else. And I'm like, you didn't even share the special. Like, I can see when someone had shared stuff, you didn't say, hey, congratulations, I helped you through this, like, this, like, sobbing email. And I, again, it's. I never did it to get something. But you are let down again in the same way. This. And I'm reading this and I'm having. I understand this person. Like, this person is there for them at the hardest times. And then when things are good and fun and the reason you have them as a friend, they're just gone. What am I to you? How do you treat your friends? How do, how do I not feel used? So I get it. What gives? What's a girl to do? Should I break up with her? 2025 is definitely the year of not feeding into her drama, though, because I can no longer give from an empty glass of wine. Sincerely, unlicensed therapist working for free again. This email could have been written about from this email. If I wrote it, it'd sound ridiculous. You know, the person who DM me, I gave them advice. They didn't share my special. It's a little stupid, admittedly, but I understand their feelings. And I would say to them, this is your friend. And I think, here's the thing. It's a tough conversation. It's tough. This is easier for me to say than it is to do, but you're writing into me, so you must feel really badly. So maybe you need this person if you want the friendship to continue. Let's look back. Have you ever enjoyed their company? Crazy. Have you ever, like, think about it? What, what did you enjoy? Let's, let's. Because you're gonna. If you are going to try and salvage this, what is it that you would want to salvage? I would start with that. If it's that you two used to have the best time going out and then suddenly she went down this path of dating people and then you became therap, not friend. Okay, let's go to the better times. What was the better times? Let's establish that. Okay. And what has. What was the relationship when you liked it? What is the relationship now? And what would you like the relationship to become? That would be my three step process. And you need to decide what those are. That's not something to come to conclusions with, with this person. And then what I would do. If you want to salvage this and if you say I want this relationship to become nothing, just back away and stop answering them. Because you know I would just. Or you have a breakup with them, but that's less likely. I would just say back away, goodbye. Done. I'm not answering their text. I'm done now. If there's a relationship that you want to salvage, I think you got to go out with them, go get coffee and say, I'm upset with you. Hey, I'm mad at you. Start at that. I'm mad at you. Look him in the eye. I think when you say I'm mad at you, it's like, okay, let's. When I, when you say this, I want to mad at you, that is you saying, I want to fix that. You know, it's like, I don't make fun of people I don't like. Does that make sense? I don't like, fuck with people that I don't want to be around. So like when I make fun of someone, it is me, you know, it's like someone I enjoy being around. I ignore people I don't like and don't want to associate with. So when you say I'm mad at you, that is you actually saying, I am mad at you and I am here to fix it. So you could even say, that I'm mad at you and I'm here to fix it. And they're gonna say what you're gonna say, this is what I. This is what I love about us. This is what we are now. This is what I'd like us to become. So. And if you're not looking for that type of friendship with me, I kind of have to know because I can't keep giving you the person I am during the tough times. And I think it may be that everyone else in your life won't answer your text and I'm the last one standing because I am being nice to you. And I didn't even realize that I'm being a people pleaser in this thing. Maybe that's my problem. Maybe everyone else. The only reason you keep coming to me is you have no one else to go to. That's that which is a. Could be the reality. So that's how I would handle it. It sucks. It's happening. I can relate to it. I mean, I've had. I just did relate to it. I was, you know, the idea. I, I get so annoyed by that. Like I have people that this is another thing that annoys me and I get. And this is a more of a ticked off Tuesday. But like people send me charcuterie. I used to make fun of charcuterie. It was a fun bit. And the only reason I do fun bits is because they make people laugh and they bring people to Jared Freed island to then hopefully like all my other fun bits. And when I see people that have been just sending me charcuterie for like seven years now, I want to be like, did you see the special? Did you go watch it? Have you been to a show? What is this? I'm just a guy who you send charcuterie to. Stop wasting my time. I'm done with it. I haven't done the bit in a while. I just made your email about me, but I hope you feel seen jtrain podcast back next week. Boom.