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It's a mailbag. Munder. You got problems there. I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag. Monday. Hello and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming to you live from Delray Beach, Florida. That's right, everybody. Every Monday is a mail bag. Monday, where you, the listener, email me the comedian with your questions. That's the show. Email the show, any question you want to ask. And you're like, why would I ask you? Some of you are new here. Maybe you clicked a link in a bio. Maybe a friend sent you this show. Well, I am going to talk to you directly without having to make eye contact with you. I'm going to speak freely and openly about your problem, whatever that problem problem may be. You can send in anything you like. Dating, relationships, friendships, parents, roommate issues. Whatever you're going through, send it here. And the feedback I get is that one, writing the email out makes the person feel better right away. And then two, it's nice that I come at you with a hug and a whisper. I call it the hug and whisper advice. I. I hug you, we try to make you laugh, make you feel good, make you feel seen, and then we whisper the hard truths right into your ear here. So if you're enjoying this show, share it with a friend. Jtrain podcast, gmail.com. send in anything you'd like. I am always on the road. Come see my standup. Jared free.com to get tickets. I am going to be Red Bank, New Jersey. Already done. Foxwood's already done. Portland, Maine. I am going to be doing standup in Portland, Maine. My first time at a club in Portland, Maine. I'm very excited. Huntington, Long Island. Long Island. Gonna be at the Paramount Theater. Very excited. Done the Paramount before. Beautiful theater, great area. Love it. More dates are always on their way. And really the big thing is, as I cough into the mic, I have a Netflix special coming. I want you to check out the Netflix special. It's coming. I need the people here if I'm gonna ask for a favor. I need you especially to watch it early, early the day it comes out. Even if you don't have time, turn it on, let it run, let it play it for the dog. Okay? I want this special. Is. Is important to me. It. It, it is me as a comedian. If you've seen this show on the road, you saw it, you loved it. I know. I felt it from you. It's called the Family Plan. I co produced it with Betches. This is I'm, I'm proud of it. It's going to be great. I'm excited. I September I I I can give more details as they come out but September so let's do your emails j train podcast gmail.com I got two sponsors support the sponsors support the show Jared and V. Feather Feather all the things I've written a few times here anti you up and I wish I could have you in my pocket for advice. Well, you got me. Now I'm writing with a family and dating question. Love it. Since you're close with your family and so am I, I thought you'd have an honest perspective. I'm a 32 year old only child and my parents are in their late 60s. I've lived in the same city as them for about two years after moving for work. It was a nice bonus knowing they'd be nearby as they got closer to retirement. I see my parents about one to three times a week, whether it's dinner at their house, meeting at a restaurant, going to a sporting event, or just hanging out. As they've gotten older, I've become more aware that our time together is limited. I want to make sure they know how much I love them and that I've spent meaningful time with them while I can. A little sad and morbid, I know. Yeah, I, I listen. All of these things are things that some are better at just acknowledging than others or some are more, you know, the way you're writing it is something I would never say, but I understand it. I, I, I agree, I kind of have to agree with you. Like it's factual. Your parents are more likely to die, you know, before, before you and you're gonna, these are, they have less days, less than more, you know, as, as, as do we all. My dilemma is that over the past eight years I've had four serious relationships. I've struggled to see those partners as being as important as my parents. My parents are often my priority, not because they need me, but because I genuinely enjoy being with them. When I make compromises for a boyfriend, whether it's holidays, birthdays or trips, and the relationship eventually ends, I regret spending that time with him instead of my family. That's your problem. That's a problem I, I, that's regretting living your life that, that, which is something I can't tell you not to do. But like I can say to your to your quote face that like was going to the bathroom a waste of time instead of hugging your mom before she dies? You know, we can get extreme here. But these relationships you had form the person. You are listening to this podcast right now. So like, I, I, I don't think you're thinking reasonably about this is my immediate feedback. Maybe that's just hindsight, but there have also been times when I was happily dating someone that I realized I'd rather spend a holiday or trip with just my parents. I think I carry some of that into my current relationship, which is still pretty new. I would probably assume it is being carried into this relationship. Of those four relationships, only one guy thought I was too close with my parents. I but he also wasn't close with his own family. The other three thought it was sweet and appreciated how close we are. As someone who's close with their family, have you ever felt this way? How do you balance making room for a partner while still prioritizing your parents? I want to find my person, but I also don't want to regret missing time with my family. Thanks. Parental advisory. You know, some of this is your issues with death, which I, I don't think I have the I, I know I don't, I don't have the tools to walk you through dealing with, you know, the time we all have here on earth. That's probably something to talk to a professional therapist about. I will say the way you wrote this email kind of like shows me what I would like. I, I think the way you're wording this, this kind of shows me the problem. As I've said before, the answers in the email because just for you to say if I hadn't dated those men then I, I, I guess the, the thought process when I'm hearing it, if I hadn't dated those men then I would have been able to spend more time with my parents. But then you're saying you're not living life. That's how you form as an adult, as a human on, on earth. And I don't think parents are to be prioritized. As an adult, they are to be thought of. But like to put them as you're the priority. You have to put yourself first. Your parents are doing that for themselves. They're making sure they live the best life they can and have access to you because you make them feel good. Hanging with your parents is about doing something you love doing and also you know, you're not doing Nobody is doing anyone any favors here. I think that's kind of, I think your perspective has to change the idea I have you asked if I've ever felt this way. Yeah, there's times where I'D rather be with my family than be doing other things. But I don't think I've thought of it in this macro level of like, oh, my God, there's. And here's my issue with what you're doing. And my real issue, as I read your email, was like, if I dated you, I wouldn't want the morality of, I'm spending time with my parents because they're going to die sooner than later to be held against me for why we can't go to dinner on our own. Like, I would say that's a fraudulent way to fight a battle. And you said your boyfriends have never taken issue with your time you spent with your family, which I believe you or you had one that did. But I would say if that was the way you kind of, you know, sparred with me, if we were to have a disagreement, and I was like, hey, you know, this Thursday, let's do dinner. And you're like, well, I want to go see my parents. And I would say, okay, great. When do you want to get dinner? And you were like, well, parents are going to die soon, so I should spend more time with them. And I'd be like, are they sick? And you'd be like, well, no, but they're older. And I'd be like, well, this is a weird way to go through life. I think the main thing, and the one thing that I've, you know, that. That this email brings us to is you say, I want to find my person, but I also don't want to regret missing time with my family. I want. I think you want to find the person that fits with the dynamic you have, and they don't have to fit perfectly. But I think you're looking for someone who feels like family. That's a better way to date. You know, if I was on vacation with my girlfriend and I was missing mom and dad, I would feel that that girlfriend wasn't the right person for me, and I should probably end that relationship. It's a good sign. Now, if all your vacations, you say, I wish I was with my mom and dad. I think that's, again, a professional therapist that would be probably a better person to speak to than podcast host and comedian. But I think the way you're looking at it needs some sort of change. The idea that one day less spent with your parents is a day you'll never get back and they're going to die soon. You. You admit it to being morbid, but, like, I don't know what that does for you. You are growing as you have to love your life and grow as a person because someday they are going to be gone. Someday. No mom and dad, no dinner at their house. And now it's you. And what are you going to do? You're not going to sit there and cry the rest of your life. You're going to have your own family, create your own memories. You want that for yourself? This could be a crutch, in my opinion. This could end up being a crutch. I would, I think saying, well, you know, it's okay to say, well, this boyfriend doesn't feel like family, and I'm looking for someone who feels like family. Fine. But avoiding getting to know someone because, oh, my God, they got like three weeks left. And imagine being her parents. Her parents are like. She's like, I just got to spend time with you. You guys are going to die soon. They're like, we're 65. We look great. What are you talking about? Do we look like jtrain podcast gmail.com j train podcast@gmail.com we're sponsored. Herobred. Have that extra roll without the guilt with hero bread. Hero bread is high in fiber, low net carbs with zero grams of sugar. 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Jtrain podcast gmail.com J train podcastmail.com it's really hot in D.C. right now. I like any other human sweat when it's hot. How do I on a first date make it clear without saying anything that the sweat is definitely from the Heat. And definitely not from nervousness on the date. I love this question because a lot of dating questions assume that I am normal and this person across the table from me is an alien. And I think that's where your question is crazy. You're basically saying, oh, my God. I just want you to take a minute to think of how you end up on a date with someone. You go on a dating app, you see their profile, they look attractive to you in some way. You chit chat on the app. Wow. We had a couple things in common. They like to hangover. I like the hangover. We're gonna make a plan and a date. Then you make a plan. You make a date. You go meet them at the restaurant. You say, hey, good to meet you. Oh, my God, I love your shirt. Look at you. This is a great restaurant. Oh, it's so nice to finally meet someone. And then you start sweating. And you're expecting that that person who was totally normal up until you turn into a sweaty pig, and then they turn into this person who's like, whoa, they must be nervous around me. No, they go, oh, my God, it's a hot day. Of course human beings sweat. I have never noticed a woman sweating on a date and felt that that was a negative thing. I get feedback from my girlfriend all the time. Oh, my God, I'm sweating so much. Can you tell? Sure. I don't give a fuck. I've never thought less of a person sweating. Even when they have the armpits. I go, oh, God, that sucks. They must be really hot right now. They must have had a huge workout. Whatever amount of sweat you do is not getting you out of the relationship game. I am telling you that. And if someone did. I always do this thing where I take. I complain about someone writing in to the jury or to the jury of my peers. Imagine me going to my friends and saying, I went on a date last night and she wouldn't stop sweating. It was disgusting. Wouldn't I be the dick? Wouldn't I be the loser? Would you want to date me in that scenario? No. So whatever you're sweating, sweat on, enjoy it. Say, of course. Do the thing that we all do. I am a little sweaty today. Isn't it hot? But I am telling you right now, the idea that you would end up on a date with someone who had no idea that sweat could happen on a hot day is actually not going to happen. It's not. Of the things that could stress you out on a date, you being sweaty matters completely zero to a man. On that date who still wants to fuck you. That's right. You know, there's a lot of reasons to be upset that you gotta that you that you're dating a man for be and how disgusting they are. This is one of those reasons that man, whatever guy left the house to go on a date with you would bathe in your sweat while licking it off your feet just for the chance to be naked with you. So I know this is hard. This is me being your dear old uncle J Train giving you a hug and saying shut the fuck up. You're good. Have fun, kiddo. J train podcast gmail.com j train podcast mail.com we got a new sponsor. Have you ever looked at a have you ever looked at an old photo? I was going to say a new photo. Have you ever looked at an old photo and realized your skin used to look healthier? Time to check out Gu. Gu spelled J I Y U is a Korean skincare brand that's built a following because people are seeing healthier, brighter, smoother looking skin. Gu's taken the most effective innovations in Korean skin care, including vitamin C derivative and licorice root extract, and combines them into simple, affordable products that actually fit into your daily routine and budget. Gu's Rejuvenation Toner pads make it easy to have healthier, brighter, smoother looking skin. Think of it as an entire Korean skincare routine packed into a single swipe. I gotta say, the pads are great. I love what Gu's doing. I have become a skincare girly. I have become into skin care. I'm using all the stuff Gu fits into my routine. I love it. And Reju Rejuvenation Toner pads aren't just for your face. Use them anywhere you want. Smoother, brighter skin with a 90 day money back guarantee. What have you got to lose for a limited time? Gu is having a crazy deal for my fans. Not only is there glow up BUNDLE up to 45% off right now, but J Train listeners can get an additional 20% off plus free shipping with code J train at ji yu skin.com that's j I y u skin.com use code J train for an additional 20% off. After you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them, support the show and tell them J Train sent you. Love that. I'm a huge fan. Great stuff. Last email again. We do three every Monday. Share with a Friend if you're this far, that means you like the show. Tell a friend. Tell a friend. Tell a friend Tell a friend Friend, Friend Tell a friend. Tell a friend. Tell a friend. Friend, friend. Tell a friend. Tell a friend. Tell a friend. Friend, friend. J Train podcast is a great show, Jared. Huge fan of everything you do. Subscribe to everything. Thank you. I'll get right to it. I have a friend whose birthday was today. I texted her and wished her a happy birthday. She then asked me if I wanted to go to lunch with her and another friend. For some reason, I thought she was talking about the next day. For some background, my grandmother passed away this past Friday. Oh, someone wants to get out of this friend date. I can feel it. I read these with you as you listen, but when you talk about a friend who wants to get lunch for their birthday and you're like, let me give you some background. Grandma's dead. Everyone's got the cough. I don't know what I. I can't leave the house. I'm in sweatpants. Please don't make me go to your stupid friend brother birthday brunch. For some reason, I thought she was talking about the next day. For some background. My grandmother passed away this past Friday. I'm sorry about your grandmother, by the way. So my mind has kind of been all over the place. I said I would be there. This is how my mom makes excuses. My mind is everywhere. The AC guy hasn't come. I, I couldn't make your birthday breakfast. I'm sorry. I said I would be there and put in my calendar. About three hours later, she texted me and said, missed you today. I don't like that text from her. No, I, I, I. Now I'm, I'm again. I, I am fair. If I miss your birthday lunch, which you, which you invited me to the day of the lunch, and I get a passive aggressive text, miss you today. I'm. I'm annoyed. At first I was so confused. What was she missing from me? It was then that I went back and reread her text and realized that lunch was today. I apologized and explained that it was an honest mistake and shared the news of my grandmother's passing. You shouldn't have done that. I get it that your grandmother passed. This is what we're all doing. We've all learned from the Internet. Hey, make yourself the victim and then they can't say anything to you. You don't have to do this. Sure. Your grandma. Yo, I made an honest mistake. Why isn't she texting you? Hey, where are you? We're about to start. I thought you were coming. Where's that text from her? I apologize and explain that it was an honest mistake and shared the news of my grandmother's passing. She expressed her conf. She expressed her condolences and told me it wasn't a big deal. My question is, why did she wait so long to text me? Yeah, I don't know. That's weird. Lunch was supposed to be a one. She didn't text me until four. If someone agrees to meet up with you and they don't show, wouldn't it make sense to text them and see if they're okay? It's so funny that you went in the direction of see if they're okay. I would be like, where are you? I wouldn't assume they were dead. Hey, I thought we were doing lunch at one. Are you around? Oh, my God, I totally forgot. I put it in the calendar for tomorrow. I messed up. My bad. Also, grandma's dead. Leave me the fuck alone. That's what when someone says grandma's dead, that's you going, leave me alone. Don't blame me. I, I, I. The idea that someone couldn't understand, I put it in the wrong day. I mean, you have a friend whose birthday was today and you text her, she invited you. The day of confusion can happen if someone agrees to meet with you. They don't. Would it make sense to text them to see if they're okay? I would, I would less see if they're okay. I'd be like, where are you? I thought we were doing lunch. I am not someone who blows people off or cancels plans, so I don't understand why this happened. Any insight is appreciated. Signed, confused. Confused. I, I, I don't know. I, if you're gonna be weirded out by anything, it's the, hey, why didn't you. I don't know. I, you were an add on to this lunch. I don't like any of this. I, I, I don't, I, I don't do this with many emails, but I'm assuming we don't know something here for you to text a friend whose birthday is that day, like any of us would do with any rando we follow on Instagram. Hey, so how's your birthday? Happy birthday. Check me off the list. I'm a good friend. I'm not an evil asshole. And then they say, well, I'm doing lunch today. You want to come? It must mean that you're closer than. And they felt bad that they didn't invite you to the lunch in the first place. I think this friendship. And now you're emailing me because they didn't get to you until three hours after this lunch. So you feel like maybe they felt lucky they avoided me. This friendship is fucked is my opinion. Something smells bad. If you're asking for my opinion on your email or. Why with a friend? Why would a friend. I just, you know in the, in the detective movie where they're like, they're like. I, you know, I feel like I'm like a genius detective where I can feel something is weird, something is amiss. Because if someone wished me a happy birthday and I had lunch plan with someone else, I wouldn't invite them to the lunch. They would have been invited to that lunch pre birthday. Then if I invited them to the lunch because they text me happy birthday, it would happen because. Oh shit, are they trying. Oh my God, I totally forgot to have them involved in the brunt in the lunch. And are they gonna hate me now? Oh my God. Is it gonna be. They've been really, you know, the friendship is on the rocks. I don't know. I want, I don't want them thinking I don't like them. And then when they forget and then I. And then because of a grandma's birthday again, both of you, there's something off. To not get back for three hours is weird. And then to say missed you today to me 1pm lunch at 1:15. Hey, where are you? We're, we're here for lunch. Are you coming? That's what I would do with a normal friend when it's three hours later. Missed you today. Passive aggressive. When you feel the need to reference a grandma passing so that this person doesn't get mad at you, something's off. This friendship was in trouble before the birthday lunch. Smoked this out and brought it up because now you're messaging me. Hey, isn't it weird? Should I, you know, didn't they that they didn't ask if I was okay? When you ask, that's even weirder. I would love it more information on this, on this friendship. Because for you to, for your brain to go, how could they not ask if I was okay? Why weren't they worried about my health? That means you don't trust that this person likes you. And I would say based on missed you today and not being like, where are you at the lunch? I wouldn't feel weird thinking that. I think you either have to have a talk with this friend or never talk to them again. That would be my I, I. Because my mind and I'm sitting here with no emo. This is the reason to email this show. I have no emotional stakes in this game, you have all the emotional stakes. You're at. You're. You didn't get a text wondering where you were, and you're like, how could they not wonder if I'm okay or not? That's a rotten thought. There are. There are thoughts, and then there's rotten thoughts. I. And. And this. We all have this. I'm not above this. My brain. My. When my brain goes in the rotten direction, I go, jared, Jared, Those. Those roots are rotten. When my brain goes in the positive direction, no emotional stakes. So I would tell you, you need to talk to your friend or never talk to them again. Mailbag Monday. Every Monday here on the J Train podcast. We'll be back tomorrow with ticked off Tuesday. Tell a friend. Boom.