← The JTrain Podcast
The JTrain Podcast
Dog Walkers and Wedding Dress Codes - TICKED OFF TUESDAY - The JTrain Podcast w Jared Freid
00:27:10
Loading summary
Transcript2 lines
- [00:00]
Uncle J Train
I know you're angry. It's Tuesday and it has no feel. The weekend was fun. You're still hungover from the eating and next weekend is too far away. What will you do with your day? It's time to get ticked off. Complain with your gripe. Right now your friend Uncle J Train is here to tell you that you're right. It's a ticked off Tuesday. Ticked off Tuesday. You're angry and you don't even know why. Enjoy this podcast. It'll help you get to Friday.
- [01:08]
Jared Freed
Hello and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming to you live from Rochester, New York. That's right, every Tuesday is a ticked off Tuesday. Are you angry? Are you annoyed? Do you have a problem that you really couldn't tell anyone in the world because they'd be like, come on, there's bigger problems out there. Well, write in to the J Train podcast for Ticked off Tuesday, jtrain Podcast. Com and the best way to be a part of today's show where you, the listener get to complain and I complain with you. A complaint duet is to sign up for Patreon. They get first dibs. I have three complaints in front of me. They are all from Patreon subscribers so they're using their membership to its fullest. Every Friday I do a coffee with J Train and on coffee with J Train you can comment with your complaint and it will get moved up to the top of the list of complaints we read here. I have three in front of me. We have two sponsors so those will be in the description of this episode. We'll get to those in between listener complaints. I have my own complaint that we will get into and announcements wise, there's YouTube videos of my standup. I'm putting up crowd work videos Every Saturday on YouTube. I want you to go watch them and enjoy. I, I, I'm, I'm begging you to laugh. That's what I'm doing. I'm begging you to go to my YouTube channel. Just search Jared Freed. YouTube.com Jared Freed it's in the description of this episode. And every Saturday I'm putting up crowd work. This week is from Portland, Oregon. From way back when we go back in the time machine and go to Portland, Oregon where I had a fun set. There's a bunch of crowd work on there. I think there's 15 minutes. So just a fun watch and like and comment and let me know that you're there so I can feel, feel it. Give me the dopamine rush I need, please. I'M lonely, I need it. I'm also in Nashville, Tennessee, if you're listening to this on Tuesday. Tonight I'm in Nashville. I'm doing Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Friday, sold out. Jared free.com for tickets. It's part of the Nashville Comedy Festival. And then my last announcement. There's a U up podcast live for from Times Square in New York City. The UL podcast. We do a live show. It is a fun, fun show. It's a dating talk show. We take emails, we listener question. We live questions on site. We take questions from audience. We play deal reveal, which is we put your text, we take screenshots of text and put them on the big screen and, you know, translate them. We play, we do dating app makeovers. We bring listeners on stage, listeners, audience members. We bring people from the audience on stage to give them a dating app makeover. We do live email. It's a lot of fun. So assemble the group chat for the U UP podcast live. Let's get to the complaints. Here's my complaint. I'll start with my complaint. Let me get started. I'm here in Rochester. Whenever I check into a hotel, I make the mistake of asking the people at the front desk where I should eat. I don't know why I do it because it never results in really a great answer. I, I guess when I'm asking someone for a recommendation, like, I do need to zone it. Like, I did walk in and I go, hey, where's a great sandwich? That's what I said, where's a great sandwich? And you know the response. And I don't mean to like come down hard on the people here because it's not just them. It's everywhere I've gone. The people at the front, they go, they must not live in the area. Which is fine. They go, well, you can go to the Subway's got sandwiches still. Like, they, it's as if, like, if, if it were me, my suggestion would be like, I don't got one top of mind or, and I do understand that's like disappointing me. I'm, I'm, I'm empathizing with their position. I. Here's what I don't want from your recommendation. If you're going to give me a food recommendation, do not tell me it's cheap or there's a. That is for someone to ask you, hey, is there a cheap place nearby to eat? Is different than I am looking for a place to go eat. What's a great place nearby? Where would you eat? Yo, you can go to the Wing Hut. They give you a lot of wings. I don't care about the amount. I don't care about the price. I want to know what you think is good. If you bring up that it's cheap or that it's a lot. I know your recommendation is being softened. What you're saying as well. I just gave you the cheap option. That can give you a lot. I didn't come to Rochester, New York to eat a lot of wings. I didn't. I didn't. It's not the Super Bowl. It's not. Well, it is the final four this weekend. It's not. It's not my big, you know, bachelor party where I'm having a bunch of my friends over to watch the big game. I want something delicious. The minute you go into. Well, they got. You can go get an extra large pizza from the Pizza Hole. It's really cheap. You haven't given me a suggestion at all. No food suggestion should involve it's cheap or you get a lot. Unless the person asking is saying, hey, where can I get a lot of cheap garbage? You know where I could go? That's my complaint. Short one. This week I have a lot more stories for Patreon this week. I already can feel them brewing. I had a little bit of an injury today on the golf course that I'm going to get into. So that's a little teaser for next week's Patreon. Last week's Patreon had a bit of an announcement. Patreon.com jaredfree to listen to Coffee with J Train. Let's get to your complaints. Ticked off Tuesday Jared. The daily episodes have been a godsend for my long commutes. Thanks for everything you do. My ticked off Tuesday. My ticked off Tuesday is about the dog walkers in my local park. I walk in the park daily on the very spacious walking path. And most people seem to understand that you keep to the right and let faster people or runners pass you on the left. Unfortunately, the dog walkers don't understand this concept. If I'm coming up behind them, they always try to speed up so I can't pass. But inevitably their dog finds something they want to sniff on the ground. So they end up having to stop in the middle of the sidewalk. They never pull over. I don't get it. And if they're stopped already, and if they're stopped already and I walk towards them, they immediately start walking again and try to take up the art. I'm sorry, I got something stuck on my. You ever eat something you Got like a little piece of it on your tongue and it's like spitting around in there. That's the most gross thing I've probably ever said. And if they're stopped already and I walk towards them, they immediately start walking again and try to take up the whole path so no one can pass them. Why can't they understand their dog is slowing them down? I don't seem to have this issue with anybody else, but if there's a dog on a leash, it's 100% happening. This is because dog people are narcissists and they offset. They outsource the dog. People outsource their narcissism onto the dog. So then when you have any complaint about how they're acting like a narcissist, they go, oh, you're not a dog person. I guess you hate dogs. No, I hate bad and not thoughtful dog owners. I hate dog owners that won't under that. I hate dog owners that don't look at their dog doing something wrong and know and feel embarrassed about it. You're the one supposed to be training the dog heel. That's why heel is part of the dog training course to keep your dog next to you tight on you so that it's not in other people's way. It is. And again, I don't think there are bad dogs, there's bad owners. And they always get let off the hook because they have that immediate lever that they can pull in case of emergency where they go, oh, you must not be a dog person. Oh, you. Do you not like dogs? No, I like to walk on the walking path without a dog being in my way because their owner didn't teach the dog how to heal and how to walk next to them and how to be tight to them. I love well trained dogs. That's the dog I love. I love a dog can roll, fetch, heal, poop in the right place. I love a dog who does the right thing because their owner was a good owner. That's the. It's so frustrating because it's a form of complaining Jiu jitsu. It's, it's a, it's argument. Jiu jitsu with these dogs. Oh, they jump on you. Oh, you don't like dogs? No, I don't like jaw. I don't like bad owners who allow their dogs to jump on me. Oh, he's so rambunctious. No, you are a bad trainer of your dog to let. And all they have to do is. This is my bigger issue. Your problem is totally correct. I hear you, you're right. It's not that the dog's in the sidewalk and in the wrong place. It's that they go, oh, the dog. You know, it's the dog. Now, how about I'm sorry, my bad. Not the dog's bad, I'm sorry. I screwed up. Oh, the dog's in your way. I'm sorry. That's on me. They never do. That's on me. It's never, that's on me. It's, oh, you must not like dogs. Oh, you not a dog person. Are you scared? You scared of little puppy? They look at you as if you're the problem. Enraging. And all you're doing is trying to get a walk. All you're doing is trying to go on the path. And then that dog is doing, you know, doing jump rope with their owner. They got the leash 7 yards across as if it's a tripwire and you're some sort of looney tunes character trying to escape. The bank trip over, it hurt your ankle. Can't go into work, can't pay your mortgage. Oh, no. But I guess you don't like dogs. No, I. I don't like bad dog owners. Ticked off Tuesday. Every Tuesday on the J train podcast, we're sponsored people. Guys, do you want to look a little younger? Maybe feel more confident when you look in the mirror? Caldera Lab has you covered with simple but effective skin care that's backed by science, developed by leading cosmetic chemists who specialize in men's skin care. This stuff is the real deal. Check out their award winning serum called the Good, which has 27 active botanicals and 3.4 million antioxidant units per drop. And the base layer, a non greasy moisturizer that'll level up your skin. I gotta say, I have been using Caldera lab and I use the good. The good is what it's called. It's very good. I like it. I feel a difference. It doesn't feel too heavy. I am also someone who. I'm not a skincare guy. So if you're new to the skincare game, if you're a guy like me who used to use, you know, the shampoo from his hair to like wash his skin, this is a good entry into this game to take care of yourself. I'm doing it. I think it would be great for you to try it. Good for your boyfriend or your husband or your dad. Caldera Lab formulas won't clog your pores and there's no animal testing ever. So you don't have to choose between your morals and amazing skin. Skincare doesn't have to be complicated, but it should be. Upgrade your routine with Caldera Lab and see the difference for yourself. Go to calderalab.comjtrain. use code J train at checkout for 20% off your first order. That's a lot of dough. That's code j train@calderalab.com j train for 20% off your first order. Let's go to the next Ticked off Tuesday. A few weeks ago, I noticed my budgeting app that there was a random charge for 79.99 on my debit card, which I never even use. I thought this was weird, so I checked in with my husband to see if he knew anything about it. He said he didn't, so I reported it as fraud. The next day, my husband noticed a fitness app on his phone had stopped working and we realized it wasn't actually fraud. So I called Chase to let them know. So he had a fitness app that was paying the 79.99 stop working. Okay, it's not fraud. Let me call you, let you know. They had already issued a refund, so they rescinded the refund, meaning the 7,099 still came out of my account. However, the issue is that the fitness app never started working again. I have both called Apple and Chase multiple times to try and figure out where this mysterious $80 went. Chase claims Apple has it, but Apple claims Chase never sent it back. They both say they there's nothing they can do. I'm annoyed because in the end I should have just lied and said it was fraud. We all know we have been. We all would have been better off. In the end. My husband wanted the app, so he ended up buying it again. So now Apple got the $80 twice. It's not about the money. It's just the injustice of it all. No, it is about the money. It's all about the money. I agree with your complaint, but don't take your foot off the gas, girl. This is annoying. And the annoying part is that these apps and Apple and all these tech companies seem to forget how important it is to have customer service. And it's because we're so trained for these apps to be so intuitive and work so well that they kind of just like say, oh, well, when it comes to, like, getting your money back, a very big part of the user experience or figuring out the bill, they, they. They somehow forgot how to be geniuses all of a sudden. That's the frustrating part to me. You have companies that have made miracles. They've turned the phone into a literal miracle. If you went back in time and showed someone what the phone can do, look at this. I can work out with a trainer while this little screen just sits in the corner of the gym. I don't even have to leave my home gym. I can put this little magic screen in the corner and I can work out with it. And I don't even need weights. It's all body weight workouts, and it's a different one every day. And it also has the music I love, and I can choose any song I want. This person from 100 years ago go, whoa, whoa, whoa. What. What a miracle. What a witch's. What. What witch Put a, Put. Put a spell on you to give you such riches. And then the person from 100 years ago will go, well, what happens if. If something happens with, you know, you know, the payment and it, you know, they, they, they. They charge you too much once you can call them, right? It's as easy as it. In front of your phone and your home with no weights, you'd go, well, no, there's no one to call. And it's actually very confusing. And there's an email and you hope someone will get back to you, but then an automated machine gets back to you, and it's not really them helping your problem until you can explain it 700 times to a random answering machine. And it's like the person from 100 years ago will go, what the fuck? What happened? I thought you guys were geniuses in the future. Suddenly these geniuses become very dumb when it comes to complaining to them, when it comes to rectifying a mistake. And it's like, you can't have one. I can't believe you're this good at putting a fitness app on my phone, of making sure that every day I have a new workout. And you're this bad at answering when I have a problem. You're this bad at making sure the $80 gets worked out. Oh, it's just money. It's not about the money. It is about the money. It is to them. They give. They give a huge fuck about your money because they got no one to get on the phone with you to get it back to you. So obviously it is a lot of money. This is why we're all poor and these people are all rich because to them, it is the money. It's cutthroat. When it came to like, hey, let's get you in for a workout. Yeah, yeah, just download the app, we'll give you a first month free. And then suddenly it becomes really difficult to do when you need your 80 bucks back because they're not just going to give $80. It's all by design. Jtrain podcastmail.com Jtrain podcast gmail.com we are sponsored. Factor. Speaking of health, if you're tired of making those three boring dinners on rotation, it's time for something new with Factor. Factor's always awesome. They send you fully prepared meals to your door that you just heat and eat in two minutes. It's a two minute microwave or I, I've done them on the skillet. I don't have a microwave. They're not like divorced dad microwave meals. They're literally made by gourmet chefs and they're delicious. I've had factor and if you're trying to get healthy, like I am constantly trying my best to do, I know my issues. It's portion control and it's creativity. I want to get the right portion because I always overcook or over purchase or over buy. I over grocery shop. And then you either waste the food or you eat it. Both. No good. Factor solves that issue. They're going to give you the right portion creativity. They have 45 meal options to choose each week. Is that more than you know how to do? Yes. I'm going to guarantee that they've got 43 more meals than you got in your noggin. Huge variety of lifestyles and diets. They always have something new to try. I'm a huge fan of Factor and I'm a huge fan of giving you a deal on Factor because food costs are up and this is a great way to stay healthy and have creative options that keep you healthier longer. You know, that's what gets us off our plans, is you go, ugh, I'm so tired of the monotony. Not with Factor 45 meal options. Get started@factormeals.com Jtrain50OFF and use code Jtrain50OFF to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. That's code Jtrain50OFF@factormeals.com JTrain50OFF for 50% off plus free shipping. That's a great deal. Last one. We got one more here. A very sleek ticked off Tuesday today. Feather, Feather. And welcome back to the Northern Hemisphere. Thank you. It's good to be back. Good to see the toilet flow in the right way again. I'm emailing with a ticked off Tuesday about a bizarre wedding dress code that I just have to vent about. You've come to the right place. I love a winning complaint for context. The groom is my husband's close childhood friend and has always been into weird indie bands, eating hallucinogenic mushrooms, etc. A real dazed and confused type. I can't think of a wedding that would make me more anxious. Because you don't know what's coming. When you go to a wedding, you just want to be comfortable. You want to dance, you want to drink, you want to get an Uber home and you want to, you know, fuck your spouse. That's what you want to do. You don't want to have to deal with, like, what's coming around the next turn or that you wore the right, you know, or that you wore the right theme to their themed weird wedding. Oh, my God. Do you think my suit is gutter punk enough? No, I don't want to deal with the extras. I just want to go, feel good about myself, look good in the mirror, take a great picture with the person I'm going with, and then eat your food and drink your drinks and go home. I don't know what's coming next, but I can only assume it's awful because it's a indie ban hallucinogenic mushroom, dazed and confused type. So I just don't want indecision on what I can wear. You know, when they do like black tie optional, it's like, say it's black tie, cocktail, formal, weekend, cocktail, beach, bum fare. And it's like, what does this mean? Just tell me what to wear so I'm not the fucking loser in jeans on the dance floor while everyone else is in a tux. His fiance is a yoga instructor and sound healer. This is the worst couple of all time. While they are both very nice people. Yeah, I'm sure they're nice. I'm sure they don't go running around you know, shooting up banks. I'm just saying we don't have to say they're nice people. No, they're assholes. Whatever they're going to do next is an asshole. I was definitely curious to see what their wedding would look would be like. Yeah, I'm curious, too. I haven't even read this. Well, we recently got the formal invitation and the dress code is direct CRO. We recently got the formal invitation and the dress code is direct quote from their wedding website, direct. You know, Drumroll, please. Cocktail. Funky. Think dressy, but with personal pizzazz. We just want guests to express themselves. Okay. I'm so annoyed at that dress code. It is not even funny. We're not your toddler who's learning who they are as a person. We are all adults. We don't need to show off our pizzazz. Just say cocktail attire. Say something normal. Tell us to wear a normal thing so that we, on our own, can do. And here's the thing. At a wedding. At a wedding, you think you're going to tell me to show off my personal style. Do you want me to come with a feather boa as if I'm one of the Rockettes and outdo the bride? Like, should I wear a bride? Hey, my personality is bridegown. Should I wear that wedding dress? Is that what you want? Because the thing is, they leave it up to interpretation, but then just be right. They go, oh, yeah, have fun. Just don't go too far. Don't upstage the bride. Don't make it all about you. And it's like, then just say cocktail attire, and we'll wear the right thing. I don't need to be put under this pressure where I'm creating my. You know, I got to put my personality on my sleeve. How about my personality is keeping my mouth shut and judging everyone from the corner. As a wedding guest, all I want is to be given clear instructions. I am with you. I can't be. I've already been with you. I knew where you were going with this. Where do I sit? What do I wear? When should I stand the whole nine? Yeah. I don't want. I don't want creative control over your wedding. I don't want to be blamed when I go right and I should have gone left. That's all we want. We all want to go to a wedding and have the couple go. You know who was great? Jared. You know who was great? Cindy. Oh, my God, Rachel. She was awesome on the dance floor. We all want to win. And right now, when you create this, like, squid game of what to wear to your wedding, you have created winners and losers. There's a chance we might lose. Is it just me, or is this a ridiculous request? Yes, it's ridiculous. It's not just you. Frankly, expressing myself would be wearing the same navy blue cocktail dress I've worn to three other weddings. I agree. And now you gotta go break the bank to make sure you put on the right costume for their stupid fucking wedding. But now I feel like they've. They'll be disappointed if I don't know. I totally agree. But now I feel they'll be disappointed if I don't show up looking like Stevie Nicks. Am I the asshole if I show up in something plain? No, that's your personality. I'm playing Jane. Thanks for having me. I'll be at the Cocktail Weenies. Sincerely. We don't want the funk. I am with you. This is crazy. This is annoying. Now it becomes an art competition. Everyone's gonna walk in. I'm sure they'll have a red carpet with cameras because they're a bunch of fucking freaks. And. Ooh, you really took. You took our cocktail. I mean, I'm gonna read it again. This is. This is the dress. This is what they said. This is in quotes. Cocktail, funky, think dressy, but with personal pizzazz. We just want guests to express themselves. Well, you can go fuck off. Because anytime. If you write pizzazz to tell people what to do, just. Just look in the mirror and say you're an asshole. That you're an asshole. If you use the word pizzazz to direct people on what to do for any event that you're planning, you have gone too far. We don't want to present. We don't want to do our personal pizzazz on our outfit for your wedding. I'll do my pizzazz at my wedding. You'll do your pizzazz at your wedding. I'll pizzazz my wedding, and the rest will be background characters in our movie. That's all we want to be when you invite us to your wedding. We don't want to be the main character. We don't want to be the villain. We just want to be faceless, nameless background characters. We just want to get there, eat, drink, dance, and maybe, just maybe stay sober enough to fuck that night. Ticked off Tuesday. Great emails this week. Those are Patreon subscribers. Those are. Those are my people. Great, great, great complaints. This is every Tuesday. Join Patreon or write in the jtrain podcast. Calm back next week. Boom.