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The JTrain Podcast
Every Woman Is Late To Dates, Dressing Rooms, and My Husband's Laundry - TICKED OFF TUESDAY
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I know you're angry. It's Tuesday and it has no feel. The weekend was fun. You're still hungover from the eating and next weekend is too far away. What will you do with your day? It's time to get ticked off. Complain with your gripe. Right now, your friend Uncle J Train is here to tell you that you're right. It's a ticked off Tuesday. Ticked off Tuesday. You're angry and you don't even know why. Enjoy this podcast. It'll help you get to Friday. Hello and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming to you live from Delray Beach, Florida. That's right, every Tuesday is a ticked off Tuesday where you, the listener, complain to me, the comedian. That's the show. You can complain about anything you'd like, anything you like. Nobody in this, this JCU that I've built, the J Train cinematic universe, nobody here will look at you and say, no, no, no, there's bigger problems. No, you have a problem. It is the only problem. You shall be heard, you shall be seen. That is the promise of this show. Now, there may be complaints that I go, okay, well, let me nudge you. I'm gonna caress you. I'm gonna massage ya. I'm gonna nudge, caress, a massage. That's what I do. That's great merch. Nudge, caress, massage. That's what I do. I take these complaints and I nudge, I caress, I massage. That's what I do to make sure that we find a way to say you're right. You make a good point. We make a good point. So how do you get involved with your complaints? You can email jtrain, podcastmail.com or the better way. Sign up for Patreon. For five bucks a month, you get coffee with J Train. You can listen to Coffee with J Train, which is basically my personal diary. I tell stories from the week that was and you can comment with your ticked off Tuesday and it will be read in the future, whether it's this week or the next week. You know, this depends on when we get to it and how many we get in the Patreon pile. But we might get none. And then we go to the mailbag. So two ways to be involved with this show, either through Patreon. All the links are in the bio this episode. I'm on the road. Vegas, Louisiana, Jacksonville, Austin, Cleveland, the Hamptons, Miami, Foxwoods and Portland, Maine. Lastly, the book Walking Red Flag. Would love for you to pre order the book. Walking Red Flag is It's a Real book. It's. I'm looking at it now. Over 250 pages, 273 is chapter 16. That's the final chapter. That's called Starting Over. If you've ever had to start over, if you've ever had a date, a relationship dating. If you've ever. And it isn't just a manual. I saw someone bought it. They were like, I bought it. I'm married. I don't need a dating advice book. It's going to make you laugh no matter where you are in the relationship process. It's written for everyone. It's personal stories. It's starting over the end. That's the last chapter. So if you've ever had to start over, if you've ever had a relationship end and felt, I don't know what I'm going to do next. I don't know where I'm going to find that person. This book is for you. I'm drinking a Coke Zero from a glass with ice. Nothing. That's a satisfying, you know, from Tick tock, from the Gen Z's. The idea of satisf. Satisfact. Satisf. Satisfaction. The idea of satisfaction. I feel satisfied when I see that glass. When I hold the glass with the ice and the Coke Zero. We start, as always, with my complaint. I have a short complaint. I just, I was gifted and this is my complaint is as I'm saying it, I'm embarrassed to talk about it. I was gifted an iPad. Now the iPad. If I was to think out loud about the iPad, where does it fit in my life? I don't know because when I go on the road, if I, if I go on the road, I have to bring a laptop so that I can do this podcast and I can tape episodes. There's. So the iPad would be an addition, but I could bring it on a flight and watch a movie, you know, and it's. And, And I could be a person I would like to be with the iPad. I could take, I could download my shows and my movies. I could take notes. I could do. I could write my stand up on it. There's a lot of, like, there's a lot of aspirational versions of myself that an iPad could bring to the table. That's why I bought the original iPad. When I bought the iPad way back when, I said, this is going to be. I'm going to read more, I'm going to take my notes, it's going to organize me, I'm going to watch my shows before I go on a Flight. I did none of those things. I never used it once. I said, I will not buy an iPad again. It seems like it's half of each. It's half phone, half laptop, which means it's nothing if you're, if you're everything, you're nothing. So I decided I am out of iPad world, no matter how glamorous that version of me could be. I said, jared, that's not you. You'll never be that. You are. Sloppy Mick looks at his phone. Son, that's you. You're not iPad with previously downloaded gifts to watch and. And nuzzle with. Nope, you're sloppy. Takes his phone out. Bergstein, who looks at his phone and goes from Instagram to TikTok to Facebook to Instagram to TikTok to Facebook, from Instagram to Facebook to TikTok to email to crossword puzzle every 15th round. That's you. That's you, Jared, that's. That is you. Well, now I'm back in iPad land. It was given to me as a gift, as a holiday gift. We are sitting here on April 20 is the date of taping and I'm telling you about a holiday gift that has been sitting on my kitchen counter with the hello from Apple Cupertino land. Every time I charge it, I say I'm going to do it, I'm going to open it up, let me attach it to all my things and then you know what happens? And here's my complaint. I'm too afraid to hook it up. I'm too afraid to, to pull on that string for fear that the whole sweater will come undone. And this is via training of every other Apple product that I've ever opened or redownloaded or gotten into or taken out of its package. It is a day long stress test of getting into apps and downloading apps and finding passwords that I am living in fear of. And this is called getting older. You fear the things that aren't that big a deal, but you just don't want change and you don't want to deal with it because in the past you've dealt with it before and you have this memory of a heart palpitation. So you're not going to open the iPad. You're just going to look at hello until the next one comes out and you're gifted it next Christmas. So yeah, I in the iPad. Every time I see it, it reminds me of my, my, how little confidence I have, how fearful I am and how much of a loser I've become. And every time I've even Brought the iPad on the road with me. I said, this is the weekend I'll do it while on the road. I'll take one of my days that I kind of have, you know, the time to do these things and I'll get that iPad connected on the road and then I take it out in the hotel and I go, well, what if the Internet here is, you know, being watched and someone can get into all my apps and I'm. That's how fearful I am. J train podcast gmail.com. if you have a complaint, send it in. We have one sponsor today, herobred. I. I am a hero bread guy. They have sponsored this show for a long time. If you're trying to eat better, I think hero bread's a great start. It's a small change that will go a long way. It's high in fiber, low net carbs with zero grams of sugar. Bagels and pastries for breakfast on the go, hot dog and burger buns for holidays and cookouts, pasta and tortillas for healthy lunches and nutritious dinners. You'd never know hero bread is low net carb and high fiber. It tastes great and the texture is fantastic. Here's what I'll say. I'm not going to buy hero bread, hot dog buns and burger buns for the whole neighborhood when I have everyone over. That's not the time to have hero bread. I'm sorry to refute this ad copy, which is, is in good spirits. Hero bread is when you're making dinner on a Monday night or you're having breakfast on a Tuesday morning and, and you need that healthy meal that gets you to the ones you really want to have. The, the nights out with the margarita, the chips and dip. You want that, that great meal at the steakhouse? Well, you're going to have that great meal at the steakhouse because you've been having healthy, nutritious meals that kept you, kept you satiated and fed and well fed at home. So that's how I operate. And I'm guessing you're a lot like me. So when I make my egg whites in the morning and I toast up a couple slices of hero bread that keep me fuller, longer and have less calories and gets me that little bread fix I need, that's where hero comes in. And I think you would be very happy if you did the same. Hero bread is a great way to get some extra protein in your diet while still enjoying all the bread dishes you love. So, like, listen, if you're a pastries person. And you want that pastry that has less calories. Yeah, Hero has that too. The. I will say the elbow pasta. I. I made like a little bit of a Mac and cheese situation with it. Loved it. Herobred is offering 10% off your order. Go to Hero co. Use code Feather at checkout. That's code Feather at HRO co. I've got four listener complaints in front of me. I've got my Coke Zero in the glass in my hand. Okay. Ticked off Tuesday. I am a child protective services worker. Well, thank you for your service. That's a. That's got to be a mentally tough job. You're doing heroes work. You're protecting children. And because of that. And so I am a child protective services worker. Because of the nature of that job. We've had some security upgrades, which is great. But. But we used to have gates that were just those little arm things that would lift when you scan your badge to get into the office park. That would lift when you. We scan our badge to get into the office parking lot. So you'd scan your badge and then an arm would go up. You drive the car through. There were two entrances you could enter pretty quickly. Be. But because there were so many sketchy incidents in our lot, people trying to steal cars, getting into fights, and million other things I could list off. I can't believe that this, the child protective services office is a hotbed for criminal activity. We got this gate. I guess people I don't even know, I mean, I could guess that you have people that are worried about getting caught doing something or maybe try to get their kids back. I don't know. We got this gate. That is so much harder for some. For some random person to get through. However, this gate moves so slowly. For whatever reason, they got rid of the second entrance. Now when it's 8am and everyone's coming into the office, this sometimes turned into a line of cars waiting to pass through this gate. They have also implemented this rule that you must be signed into your computer by 8, not just in the building by 8 like it used to be. So you have to be on your computer at your desk at 8:00am or your quote, unquote, in trouble because of this gate situation. This new rule, I've had to adjust my own time and leave five to 10 minutes earlier to avoid being late. It's not a lot of time, but it still means adjusting morning routines. Sincerely, A. Who needs that 10 minutes of sleep back? I'm with you. This stinks. Especially the morning time. You. We are all Directing our ships towards a beacon. And you may not realize it, but you're doing that even the day before. The night before you go to bed at a certain time so that you wake up at a certain time so that you can get yourself out of that groggy mess to make your coffee. And we're all functioning to get to places a minute before we're supposed to be there. So yes, you're right. This change that, what it's done is add in variables. I have this in two different places in my life. One, the gate situation. My parents live in a gated community. When I go to that gate, I know exactly what you're talking about. Those gates, they have a double gate. So you. And it's attached to your window. I have a little sticker on my window. So it goes through. The sticker goes, you know, gets scanned. First one goes up so you go through and then the second one doesn't go up until the first one's gone down. And I always get annoyed. I'm like, why not just have them both go up and then you go, well, what's the purpose of two gates? I don't know. What's the purpose of two? In what world is the person who wants to slam through this gate being stopped by this? This is stopping nothing. All it's doing is slowing people down. So I get you on the gate annoyance as far as the timing is concerned. The gym I go to, which I love going to, and I would encourage everyone here, if you're listening, if you're ever in Delray beach, they do classes every day. And the classes are great. The lab is moving and the lab is going to. Is right now a four minute car ride from my place. Four minutes in the morning and I'm going to the 7am class. I wake up at 6:10. I have a little coffee, I have a water. I kind of clean up the place a little and then I head on my way. But I'm getting there. And with bathroom, because they only have one bathroom there. And they're probably moving to a location where there'll be more bathroom to be had. But still I want a bathroom here. So then I get in the car and it's like 6:48 and I'm there by 6:52 with a breath to take before the gym. They're moving farther away. I'm like, ah, this changes the whole morning. Who knows if 7am is even doable for me? So I'm with you. Small change means big change. Especially in the morning, Especially when It involves, hey, you know, if it, honestly, if they had the com, if they didn't have the computer thing, none of this would be a problem. You wouldn't show if they were like, be here by 8 sign in whenever. You wouldn't have this problem because it is an 8am sign into your computer. It adds pressure onto everything else. And I don't even know if that's really helping them. That's not making a happier worker. I think you would be happier if they were like, yeah, sign on whenever. But you know, workday starts today. We trust you. You're an adult. J train podcastmail.com J train podcastmail.com Jared maybe being a guy like me you can relate. Okay, let's see what horrific thing about themselves they see in. Maybe that's, that's not the only hey, maybe a guy like you hey, maybe a guy like me you can relate. Uh, I eat out of the garbage every day. You seem a lot like me. What's it like when you eat out of the garbage? No, but I, that's not what they wrote. But I have been on numerous dates lately and even thinking about the past year, I have yet to have a girl show up on time. They are always, always 15 to 30 minutes late. Girls, I get it, you have more to do to get ready. But if you need more time, just say, hey, 6:30 is too soon. Can we meet at 6:45 or even 7? I will, I will always say, of course, no worries. I like this email or this is a great complaint. I'm so sick of sitting at a table alone for nearly 30 minutes looking like a creep. Granted, it would help if I didn't have binoculars around my neck. Kidding. Thank you. Always on time in Salt Lake. I so let me, let me take a moment to agree with this complainer. This, this emailer. I did notice that when I was dating every woman showed up late, ah, 95% of the time late. I was beginning to think and I, I thought this was like, kind of like the going policy of women. And, and I, I listen, I, I, I understand it would be difficult for this to be the go, especially for me to not hear about it. As someone who is in the dating world, the dating advice world, who works with. It would be hard for me to not hear about this meeting that women had where we all decided to show up late. But it did feel like that women decided as a group that there was like an entrance to be made. It was how they wanted to be received and I kind of appreciated that. I kind of liked was never a complaint for me because I kind of liked that. I got some time to sit and establish an area and, you know, it's a little awkward. Do you need a drink, sir? No, sorry. I'm just waiting for a friend. That was always my line, I'm waiting for a friend. I have a friend meeting me. I'll be in just a second. So if you want to use my line, I have a friend coming. Just going to be a couple minutes. That always call them a friend. That made it feel less awkward for me. It wasn't like, I have a big date coming, so I just want to be ready. But no, I'm okay. You, please, when you come back, can you make sure that you told them I said please and thank you that I'm a good guy? Like, that wasn't what I wanted to sound like. So when they came over, hey, you need a drink? If you looked at the menu. Just going to be a minute. I'm waiting on a friend to get here. No problem. Thanks. A little. Little point. See how cool that was? So I did always believe that women liked kind of this Jessica Love Hewitt je. I mean, I'm sorry that women like this Jennifer Love Hewitt entrance where can't hardly wait. Wind blowing through her hair, looking for you in the bar room. It did feel like that was like the directive from the elders of the world. The mothers and aunts were like, show up late and he will see a graceful swan. Show up to the date and it shall be great. You know, whatever poem they wanted to do that would be. That was kind of how I felt. And I just kind of was okay with it because I also wanted to make sure that I was seated appropriately for my stomach. Like, I wanted to be comfortable on my end. So I kind of liked this little buffer. So let me say that you. I do believe that most women I went on dates with were not 30 minutes, 10 to 15, and they were pretty good. I would say the women were so good at letting you know they were running behind that that's why it felt even more like a directive from the queens of dating. But I will say to you, it is a little awkward. I do understand the waiter or the bartender, hey, do you need anything? And keep asking you. And then you have to protect this seat. If you went to a bar and it's a little bit busier. Hey, yeah, I got a friend meeting me. You got to kind of fend people off. Some of that is annoying. But it always felt like I needed a minute to find a space because I also want to be the guy who got the place and settled the and found the seats. Hey, I got us a spot. I'm in the corner of the bar. Don't worry about it. No rush. So I kind of always worked it into the date. But again, to go back to our last emailer, you can't work it into the date as you can't show up 15 minutes late yourself. And you got to stop bringing the binoculars. That might not help you either. J train podcast@gmail.com jtrain podcastmail.com we have another one from a Patreon subscriber ticked off Tuesday from wife. Okay, okay, I. I guess, I guess, I guess one Patreon subscription will admit two in this instance, I do the laundry for him. So she's writing to my Patreon on his account about him. I do the laundry for him for him. And somehow I'm still the one dealing with the consequences of whatever he leaves in his pockets. Receipts, tissues, who knows what. Well, who knows what is such a mom way to talk about this? It's just when, when a mom says who knows what, that's them avoiding like an uncomfortable truth of the pockets. Like I like my mom. I clean his room and I'll. I. I find who knows what. You know, it's a way of not saying all, you know, my masturbation towels. Okay, but there's just some feedback. And this week a brown napkin that absolutely disintegrated and left little brown flecks all over every single piece of clothing. This is annoying. So to recap, I'm doing the laundry and I'm also apparently responsible for pre checking his pockets. That feels like a flawed system. At this point, I'm considering revoking laundry privileges for him entirely. If I'm doing it for you, the least you can do is not sabotage the load. Check your pockets. It's not that hard. Yeah, it the issue with this complaint. It's a two pronged complaint, but you're not really complaining about the thing. And, and I'm being a little hard on them because they're writing in on their husband's Patreon account, which isn't even there. So I feel a certain right to give a little bit of pushback. You doing if, if I'm my complaint about you, if I were the husband would be what is your laundry policy? And. And the idea that this laundry thing is a favor. Does he do anything for you? Like what this? I do the law. I don't want someone doing something for Me and then holding it against me that they're doing it for me and, and, and any mistake I make. Now I'm this big piece of shit because this favor that they hold over my head. Listen, now I'm complaining about the complainer, which is not the premise of this show. But I'll get to, I'll get to seeing you. You are right. You shouldn't have to go through pockets. Doing laundry does not mean doing pockets. So if I'm him, I would want to know what kind of communication there's been about. Hey, there's always stuff in your pockets. This is something to zone in on. You have a leave stuff in your pocket problem. I do too. I, I keep a pen in my pocket and I'm not, I am not above leaving a pen in my pocket. But I, it's the writing of this email. I'm doing the laundry. And I'm also apparently responsible for when well don't do the laundry. I'm considering revoking laundry privileges from him. I'm getting, I'm a little triggered. This is, this is very much the language my mom would use. My mom every time I go over the house, put stuff in the laundry, let me do the laundry, let me do the laundry. And then it's all I do is the laundry. And it's like, I didn't ask for this. I'll do my own laundry. If I went and did my own laundry at my parents house, my it would be as if I walked in with two guns and just waving them around. It would be like I had two guns and I was just like, oh, oh, what are these guns in my hand? My mom would react to that the same way she would react to me doing the laundry. So like, if you're not gonna allow him to do the laundry, if this whole like threat you're giving, revoking doing the laundry isn't a real threat. I think you have to communicate in a different way. But I do agree with you the. Because nobody wants to have to think of every way something could go wrong. You want backup. You want someone who's checking pockets because they're so appreciative of you doing the laundry that you don't want to make their life harder that, see, I told you I'd come around. I told you I'd be with you. I'm with you. It is annoying, but I don't trust the way that was written. Sounds like a laundry person who holds this, who likes that they get to hold this over your head. But I would Also say it doesn't. That is a good way to feel unappreciated. It seems as though they don't feel appreciated for doing the laundry because you're not even thinking of the pockets that need to be emptied because that's easier than doing the laundry. Which I agree with. J train podcast@gmail.com jtrain podcastmail.com got one more ticked off Tuesday fitting room Annoyance When I'm out shopping for clothes, which is rare these days since I can simply place an order for my couch, I appreciate it when sales associates offer to start a fitting room for me. Yeah, I like that too. Hey, can I start a room for you? You got a couple things in your hand. Lululemon is good about this. This weekend, while at a store in my local mall, a sales A sales associate saw me struggling with a bunch of hangers and offered to take them off my hands to start a. To start a room for me. Lovely. The sales associate asked for my name and told me to head into room two at my convenience. So I kept looking around for this. So I kept looking around the store for a few more items to try on, knowing my room would be ready whenever. Well, about 10 minutes later, I walked straight to room two, which was occupied by someone else. I nearly walked in on the person, but thankfully they were quick to slam the door. Seeing this awkward ordeal happen, another sales associate came over and was super apologetic. She said, we actually switched you to room six. Sure enough, all the clothes I picked out earlier were right there in room six. I nervously changed as fast as possible, fully expecting someone to mistakenly walk in on me because there weren't any locks either. That's a problem. Listen, all fitting rooms with no locks are just a hallway. That's just. That's just the reality. Go change in that hallway. Well, how do I know that someone's not going to walk in? You don't. That's a stressful situation. Go change in that changing room. Oh, there's a lock so I can make sure that I'm having some privacy. So you have a bunch of hallways where people are trying stuff on and it would be stressful adding that to my complaint. No, no, that is the complaint. Plenty of stores have whiteboards on each door in the fitting room so they can write the customer's names down. Yes, Lululemon is great at this. Again, I wish this place did. Honestly, I could write so many other TikTok Tuesdays about shopping for clothes. Thanks, Jared, my husband. I had a blast of your DC show. Can't wait to read your book. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. Your complaint is valid. It's crazy. Don't tell me a changing room and then change it on me as if you sent me a text. And we don't have. This isn't Delta. This isn't United. This is. We don't have the. We don't have the changing room app to know that the gate has changed. So you tell us changing room two. We're going to changing room two and we're going to push our way through as if it's open and ready for. Ready for a big change. And if you don't have a lock on the door, that is not a changing room. That's the bigger complaint. Listen, you switch it up. If you have a lock, then we go. Excuse me. I think I was supposed to be in here. No, miss, I'm sorry. You're now in six, okay? Crisis averted. Because you had the lock. The lock is the trickle down of this whole thing. They can do what they're doing if a lock exists. You're not writing into me. If a lock exists. A changing room with no lock is a hallway. And none of us are going to change in the hallway. We don't want to be that guy. That's what they're asking you to do. J train podcastmail.com J train podcastmail.com Every Tuesday is a ticked off Tuesday. We will be back next week. Boom.