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The JTrain Podcast
Faith, Family & Figuring It Out with Zach Zimmerman - CHIT CHAT WEDNESDAY - The JTrain Podcast w Jared Freid
00:41:25
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- [00:00]
Jared Freed
Chit Chat Wednesday for you to listen to. I have a guess who will be your new boo. You're gonna love them, too. Chit Chat Wednesday. I hope you're having a good day today. I hope it's gonna be a perfect week, too. I hope you have a nice poo. It's a chat Wednesday, too. Hello, and welcome to the J Train Podcast. It is a Chit Chat Wednesday, and today's chit chat is with Zach Zimmerman, hilarious comedian who has a special that's out on YouTube right now called Surprise Me. There has been, I will say, this special is hilarious. Considerable money was put into this. It has an opening. It has a great back. It's just got a great background, great look. And Zach does a, I would call it, storytelling method of standup, where you're weaving in and out of the relationship he has with his parents, who are evangelical, and he is formerly evangelical, and he has come out of the closet and how that's affected the relationship and him. It is like a loving gesture how much he keeps trying to get the. The family on board. He talks about, you know, the family group chat, his dad leaving it, coming back to it. It is a great special. You're going to love it and you're going to love this conversation. Today we talk about that. We talk about Dunkin Donuts. He's got a great Dunkin Donuts. But enjoy today's episode. BO hello, and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming alive from the West Village of Manhattan. That's right, every Wednesday is a Chit Chat Wednesday where I sit down with a friend, a comedian, an expert, and today I have all three. I got a friend, I got a comedian, and I got an expert in. In comedy because I just watched their special in. It is fantastic. I wrote down three words to describe this special. Four words, and then I'll introduce them.
- [02:29]
Zach Zimmerman
Waste of time.
- [02:31]
Jared Freed
How did you. Oh, my God. It's like you read my mind. I guess we'll move on to introducing the guest now.
- [02:39]
Zach Zimmerman
No, Flatter me.
- [02:40]
Jared Freed
Oh, okay. I was gonna. He couldn't even let my compliment come out.
- [02:43]
Zach Zimmerman
I know, I know.
- [02:44]
Jared Freed
Couldn't even let me give you a compliment. Okay, Zack Zman is here. The special is called. It is called Surprise Me. And I'm going to surprise him with my four words. Funny, quality, compassionate, and weave. Those are the four words that I would use to describe the special, which is fantastic. And it's on YouTube and everyone should go watch it. The link is in the bio on both. It's both on YouTube and on all listening platforms. Ax Zimmerman, thank you for coming on the show.
- [03:16]
Zach Zimmerman
Oh Jared, thank you for having me. I will let listeners know. Weave is a word Jared picked because I do perform the entire special in a full six foot weave that I had braided into my hair. People say it's problematic. I say it's a gimmick and it's to get you to watch.
- [03:34]
Jared Freed
I thought it was great. I was surprised it was. I mean that's the whole meaning of the surprise. Me is the name of the special. So it kind of worked in the name.
- [03:43]
Zach Zimmerman
White guy from Virginia is going to be rocking.
- [03:46]
Jared Freed
I was proud of you.
- [03:47]
Zach Zimmerman
Front lace wig.
- [03:48]
Jared Freed
I was proud of you. Living, living, living out loud. Living the most you life you could lead. Where are you right now? We had an issue with getting together. You said you, you messed up the.
- [04:00]
Zach Zimmerman
The, the time zones.
- [04:03]
Jared Freed
The time zones. Which is something. A story of my life. So I'm not. And, and like you, I'm going to be compassionate when you know, for your lateness and the time zone mix up. But that's okay. Where are you?
- [04:15]
Zach Zimmerman
I'm in New Orleans of all places.
- [04:18]
Jared Freed
What are you doing in New Orleans?
- [04:20]
Zach Zimmerman
Making a mess of myself now.
- [04:22]
Jared Freed
As you should. That's what you do in New Orleans.
- [04:24]
Zach Zimmerman
I had shows this weekend and flying back today was crazy because of Jazz Fest. So I'm staying an extra day so it's a cheaper flight home.
- [04:33]
Jared Freed
I, I get it. Jazz Fest is huge. When you said you were in New Orleans doing shows and then I have seen. It's funny. Like we have the, the parasocial relationship we have with people. Like I'm aware that Jazz Fest is happening this weekend in the back of my mind just because I've seen a couple pictures posted from there. I wasn't aware that you had done. Where did you do shows?
- [04:54]
Zach Zimmerman
I was actually at Jazz Fest. I played the main festival State. No, no, no.
- [04:58]
Jared Freed
Come on. Oh, that would be a great opportunity. There's like people love jazz. Love it is festival.
- [05:05]
Zach Zimmerman
The town went crazy. I was at a sports drink. Have you heard of them? They're new, maybe a year or two old. You've probably seen like the orange igloo coolers behind people.
- [05:15]
Jared Freed
Yes.
- [05:16]
Zach Zimmerman
It's this like tiny little coffee shop slash comedy club that just has been pumping, bringing people out.
- [05:23]
Jared Freed
I love that. I saw, I, I actually saw a video recently from there. They, they have a kind of like that, you know, New Orleans doesn't really have that. You know that nightly comedy club they have that there's an improv space that I did once, way long ago, and then I did the Joy theater. And that was a lot of fun because I'm like, just happy to go to New Orleans. Like, I, I think we all want to go.
- [05:47]
Zach Zimmerman
Oh, yeah. It's like the greatest city. I don't want to come back to New York. I mean, I love New York, but.
- [05:52]
Jared Freed
Right.
- [05:52]
Zach Zimmerman
Everyone's cold and an individual here, you walk down the street and someone's like, do you want some of this crawfish? Or like, yeah. People are saying hello and I'm like, startled because I didn't see them in the alley. And they don't want to mug me. They just want to say hi.
- [06:05]
Jared Freed
It also looks exactly how you want. I want it to look like an old Disney cartoon. I want it to look like Mickey on the, on the Mississippi. You know, Like, I, it's just the food is also. I've. I've made the joke that New Orleans is the. Has the most anti Semitic food because it's all like cream based and sugars and it's like it's not made for a Jewish tummy, but it is.
- [06:31]
Zach Zimmerman
And shellfish.
- [06:32]
Jared Freed
And shellfish. It's. But it is absolutely delicious.
- [06:35]
Zach Zimmerman
You know, I made some mistake. I got crawfish etouffee. Thinking etouffee sounded like souffle. I thought this. Be this like delicate, like pastry. No, it was like a sludge gravy plate full of it. That was delicious. But I was like, it's 100 degrees. Why am I eating like a hot grill gravy, right? Trying to be trim this summer. Who knows?
- [06:59]
Jared Freed
How is it? Is it hot and steamy down there? And did people come to the shows? Was there? Was there? You know, because it's. Listen, it was hard for me to sell tickets in New Orleans. People ended up coming out. But it was, it wasn't easy. Like, it's hard to get be. There's so much else going on. And you know, the people that live there, they're not generally like hanging on bourbon like they. Frenchman street is kind of like where they send you a lot of the times, right?
- [07:25]
Zach Zimmerman
And we're down on Magazine Street. It was like 90 degrees in the day. I feel like I wish I was here a little earlier. And they. It's a. I mean, it's a tiny room. And they. We had four shows. We didn't have to cancel any. That's the win.
- [07:39]
Jared Freed
A win. Theree we go.
- [07:40]
Zach Zimmerman
15,000 people streamed the special, but four people came to that. 9, 30pm Friday night show.
- [07:49]
Jared Freed
So we want people to go watch the special. It is very, very good. It is hilarious. It is joke, joke, joke, joke, joke. It is called Surprise me. It is on YouTube right now as we ask for people to do go like and comment and let them know you came from this podcast. Like, let Zach know. Zach is literally reading every comment that comes in and it, it's a mistake.
- [08:12]
Zach Zimmerman
To be doing, but I get an email every comment that comes through. And then I go deep. I'm like, oh, you're, you're a 15 year old in the Midwest who is evil. And I wish you hadn't commented. Oh, you're a nice person.
- [08:28]
Jared Freed
Well, we'll have nice people.
- [08:29]
Zach Zimmerman
What we go on some religious tirade. Like, they were like, I'm coming to you in the three years before the Lord is set to return. Great special. Tell your mom hi. My mom's birthday's in a few days. I was like, who are you?
- [08:46]
Jared Freed
I don't know who you are that well, this is the thing. This is why I, I, I, I put quality one. You, I mean, the special looks like it would be on everything. Like, it is like you, you have an opening with the chair and it's black and white and you know the ending, you know, a hat on your head. You know, like the whole, it's just a really well done special that someone's gonna watch and this is, he's gonna watch and go, I can't believe I'm getting this on YouTube. Like that, that is to me the first thought of, like, look what we're doing. Like, we are producers, we are writers, we are comedians, we are, you know, you know, stage managers. You have, you're dressed well, the, the background, like, it's just there was thought put in. I'm not wrong, I can't be wrong here.
- [09:33]
Zach Zimmerman
I actually did it in a day and a night all by myself. No, this production company, pretty good friends. It's Eugene Merman's involved. He's Bob's burgers voiceover in the Brooklyn comedy scene, like a decade ago. They like, are very artist first. And so we started talking a year ago. What does a special look like? Started to get to like, think about the set. It was really like important to me that there was some like something cute or interesting visually. Just because I know to stand out online you need something and my material is awful, so I really need to rely on gimmicks and props. But we wanted it to look good and we had ambitions of it landing somewhere. I don't Know how familiar your listeners are with, like, the comedy business landscape and like, people acquiring specials and not. But you kind of. Some people have. You just make it and then you hope someone's like, let's put it on our thing. So we made it Netflix quality and you can get it for free on YouTube without paying 19.99amonth.
- [10:35]
Jared Freed
Right. This is why we want people to go watch it and comment, like, all those good things and share it. You know, we want people to share it. But I. So it is. You start with a quote also, like, you know, it's like a smart special when you start with a quote that is like, like, this isn't.
- [10:53]
Zach Zimmerman
Watch it with a notebook. Watch.
- [10:55]
Jared Freed
Right. Well, I mean, there. There's real thought put in. Like, you're son of a preacher. You do have a preacher voice to me. Like, there's compassion in it. Like, and it's about, you know, you and your parents, basically, the through. There is a through line of, like, you and your parents and trying to, like, get along with them and have them see your side of. Of. Is that. Is that correct? I mean, you say love and you, you say, there's a trick in comedy and I'm not giving away, but in the beginning, it is a trick that I do too. I always say, and I do it on Instagram when I do a face to the camera bit. If I'm going to, like, talk about something. You always say you love it. You say you love it because it gets you out of. Like, I just said I loved it. And then you can talk as much as you want, but you're like, I'm here for it. And to me, I always thought. I always say I love it because it's a yes. And like, I. It's a more positive, fun way to go about it. When you say you hate something, I think it's like, it's unprofessional. Almost like, I don't want to be a hater. You know, like, and when you explain it, you're like, you. I don't know who the quote's from because I'm a stupid idiot. But you make the loving something is the right to criticize something.
- [12:01]
Zach Zimmerman
Think. Yeah, it's sort of. It's both the trick and standup, and then it's bell hooks. I read all about love like everyone else in Brooklyn has, and she says love is commitment to one's spiritual growth. So when you love something, you're like, willing in the long term to help it grow and change. Because I, like, I don't know. My parents tell me they love me, but then they're going to the ballot box and voting against my rights. Like, my ex said he loved me, but then he, like, dumped me on a plane like that. The types of love I'm receiving don't make sense. And then Disney love, like, your heart fluttering and butterflies, like, that doesn't always make sense. So I really wanted, like, a good definition of love of some kind to make sense of, like, these complicated relationships that I have. And so, yeah, when you love something, you're allowed to criticize it. It's James Baldwin, I quote, too, who says he loves America more than any country in the world, and for that reason, he insists on the right to criticize it perpetually. Like, just because you love something doesn't mean you're gonna end with, like, summer coming up in the Fourth of July, on the Fourth. A lot of people think about the US and their relationship with the country. Like, are we allowed to celebrate it? And I'm like, yes. Loving the US doesn't mean you agree with everything it's done. It means you're commit. Committed to it, growing. You're gonna stay here. We're gonna. Loving humanity, loving your fellow person means, hey, I'm here for you. Let's be better people than we were yesterday.
- [13:29]
Jared Freed
Right? And. And it's hopeful, you know, like, it's. You know, the. You know, to say you hate something is to be done with it. Like, you know, you. I. I don't know. This all kind of, like, spoke to me in the special, because I was thinking. I was hearing, you know, you. You do a great job. And the weave part is not about. He's not. Zach is not wearing a wig. It's. You're weaving in and out this, like, this thing you have with your parents where, like, you're. How you do. You can sense you care about them. And I have a lot of this, you know, where I. I do a lot of jokes about my parents, and it's like, I'm annoyed with them, but I love them. And I. I don't think I would choose other parents. Like, you know, but there's. We have arguments and we have it out. And I was thinking. I wrote this down. Like, how much, you know, do your parents. It seems as though the disagreement is, like, it. Like, I was thinking of, like, people who disagree with their parents politically. Like, it's almost easier for them to do that because it's like. It's like being addicted to food. Like, it's easier to be. You know, addicted to alcohol. You can just be like, I'm, I'm taking alcohol out of my life. And if you do that with your parents, if you disagree politically, you can go, we just won't talk about that. But then because of your lifestyle, because you're gay and you, and you're like, you have the connection of the two. It's like, no, this is hovering over us all the time. Like, we have to talk about it. So I either leave them and you even say, like, people ask me, why have I cut them off? And it's like, well, you don't want to do that. I, I, I kind of saw the plight a little bit, like, where I'm like, no, I still have to eat. I'm addicted to this, this relationship, but I need to try and make it better. I don't know, like, it seems so much harder.
- [15:17]
Zach Zimmerman
You're saying that it's when something's a ever present part of your identity or thing you struggle with. You can't make it a boundary in your family relationship as easily. Like, mom, don't shame me about food. It's like, well, every time we're together, we're going to be around food. And it's on my mind the same way that cock is always on mine. You know, I can't not bring this up, Mom.
- [15:41]
Jared Freed
Right, well. And when you say, like, they're voting against me, like, I'm sure they don't see it that way.
- [15:48]
Zach Zimmerman
No. Right. You know, they take America back. They, they, yeah, they're not evil people they've been to. I have to believe they've just been brainwashed by media, which doesn't help anybody. But I've actually had a chat with my mom recently where I got her to like, imagine her perfect society. Like, where do you think your tax dollars should go? Let's not talk about, like, how great Musk was or whatever. Let's be like, where should they. And she think she loves education and things. Healthcare needs to be reformed. Like, there's genuine good beliefs inside of her. She, we just get trapped into like our script of talking points. Like we're talking heads on Fox News versus msnbc.
- [16:27]
Jared Freed
I wrote this down. I was like, you must have real debates with your parents. Like, it must be like a real, like every, like, it almost made me like, hate someone who does cut their family off. Like, I was like, it must have been easy for you. You know, like, I, I was watching this because, and again, we'll get to more fun subjects because there are in this special because I Love the way you like, you start with your parents, you start with this, like, definition of love. And then it's like we're talking about Dunkin Donuts, which is like, close to my heart. But I, yeah, I was like, watching this, being like, man, these are lived in debates you've had with them. Like, these are like, and, and sometimes I think the eye roll from the audience, from me, comes from someone who's talking about their plight, their struggle. And it's not a real struggle. It's not a lived in struggle. It is what they imagine to be a struggle. And I'm, you know, you talk about Brooklyn. That is something you see in Brooklyn all the time. It's like the person who's talking about how poor they are, but they pulled up in an Uber, you know, you go, oh, I don't believe it. You know, and then, but you can't say you don't believe it because now you're saying you don't believe, you know, Right. Believe everything. You know, just like I, I, I've had this issue recently. I was dealing with this. I got posted, someone posted. I'm going to be talking about this a lot on all my podcasts. So this will be, by the time this comes out, this comes out next week, I'll have talked about this to death. But like, I was posted on a. Are we dating the same guy? Facebook. Thank you for that reaction. That reaction makes me feel better. Right.
- [18:01]
Zach Zimmerman
You're a, you're an upstanding gentleman.
- [18:05]
Jared Freed
Let's say I'm not an upstanding gentleman, but I, let's say I'm like a medium fine guy. All the information about me is out there on podcast daily. Like, I have podcasts where I talk about my dating life. Like, the idea that you can't find information on me. And this has always been my, it's like crazy. There's Reddit pages. So like, you know, we've just.
- [18:27]
Zach Zimmerman
Right, you're not flying under the radar.
- [18:29]
Jared Freed
Like, right. I'm not hiding in the trenches, you know, I'm not like behind a bush. Like, and if there was something about me, it would have been out there, I guess by now. Like, I, I, I, I would think, you know, like, you know, so I, and I've been dealing with this because it's like when we've talked about the Are you dating the same guy? Facebook page, in the past, it's been hypothetical, you know, like, it's we. And, and I understand why people's feedback have been, there's been angry feedback because they're. The hypothetical is if we can save one woman from a dangerous man. Who cares about the other men who were posted here. We talked a little shit, and then we figured out they were fine and brush them aside and you go, okay. Like, I guess by that premise, save one to and a hundred, you know, whatever, dudes. I can understand that. But then when it was me, I'm like, well, this outs the whole premise. Like, you know me. It should be done in five seconds. There, you know, I. It was done anonymously. It was my headshot. It wasn't even my picture from the dating app. So, like, oh, wow.
- [19:40]
Zach Zimmerman
Okay.
- [19:41]
Jared Freed
So it's like, you knew you found my headshot. So, like. But also, no one's.
- [19:48]
Zach Zimmerman
It's your turn in the bucket. This is a slightly homophobic story that my therapist told me about. A lumberjack starts this job. He's chopping down trees and he's like, asks his boss, hey, where do you go to get off? Like, where do you, like, find love? And he's like, there's this bucket that you put your penis in, like, out in the woods. And you just go in and you get taken care of. And so he goes and he does it. And he comes back the next day. He's like, this is amazing. Oh, my God, I feel so relieved. This is fantastic. I'm going to go back to the bucket every day. And his boss is like, well, except for next Tuesday. And he's like, what's next Tuesday? He's like, it's your turn in the bucket.
- [20:24]
Jared Freed
Like, you have to.
- [20:25]
Zach Zimmerman
This is. It was fun talking shit about all the other guys. They're getting roasted now. Jared, it's your turn in the bucket.
- [20:32]
Jared Freed
Well, I wasn't even talking the shit, you know, like, no one gets a turn in the bucket based on this story. They all get to watch the bucket. You know, everyone, you know, get off and then make fun of them for the way they come, you know, Like, I. Oh, no.
- [20:48]
Zach Zimmerman
Are people screen sending you what's being said?
- [20:50]
Jared Freed
Because it's the only reason I know. Right. Well, you know what, it's funny is the code of honor is really quite weird because they'll send me a screenshot of the picture of me being posted and. But they won't show me the comments.
- [21:04]
Zach Zimmerman
I. Well, I'm actually in the group and everything was positive.
- [21:08]
Jared Freed
Well, thank you. I appreciate.
- [21:09]
Zach Zimmerman
Great. He lasts hours in bed if you want him to, right? I always come first. It's.
- [21:16]
Jared Freed
This is all I want out there. I just want. Good. Love you Know, attentive lover. If, if everyone just wrote attentive lover, then I'd be okay with. I'm just, you know, I'm not upset. I was, I was. My, my heart raced when I got it said to me. I'm like, oh my God, here we go. You know, like, I, and you know, it's. I don't know, I. But I was thinking of like, you know, based on. To bring it back to the special. It's like you have these lived in things and it's like, like to go back to like, the reason I brought this up is like, you know, you have to just go along. Like, if someone goes up and tells their traumatic tale, you can't be like, really? Because no one comes to, no one's going to come to the bat to back up. Really. You do that in closed circles behind, you know. But yours, I was watching, I was like, this all is like so real.
- [22:06]
Zach Zimmerman
Like, I, I, I, you're probably the same way. I feel like on stage, they're comics who can invent fictional scenarios and for the joke or the pun or the funny situation. But every. My premises have always been like, what is going on with my life? Like, the actual mechanics, the people exist. There was a, A couple years ago, I created a composite character. I took like two dating experiences and put them together. And my like evangelical background was like, that's lying. But I was like, okay, it's okay. It's in the service of humor. I can build this story and maybe fictionalize some of the punchlines, but I've always been like, I gotta start with the real. Otherwise, yeah, the audience to me can smell it.
- [22:48]
Jared Freed
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- [24:22]
Zach Zimmerman
Oh, 100% a lot. After, like, the book came out, I feel like that was. People were, like, reading and diving in. But, yeah, I'm building a fan base of, like, traumatized evangelical Christians. My hope is that I can make a piece of art that someone consumes with their parents. Like, if mom watched it and child watched it, and suddenly they feel less alone, like, that, to me, would be super cool.
- [24:48]
Jared Freed
I think you'd. I actually, you know, it's funny you say that. I thought about that. I was like. I was like this. There are parts where it's like, I was wondering if someone would accuse you of being dirty, because I don't think you're dirty. But I. You're also dancing in the evangelical world where, like, oh, my God, you say the. The Lord's name in vain. You know, you're like. Because I was. I was wondering if you have issue if. If someone, like, is there a care with that? Because you're like, if I go. If I mention things, I lose all credibility with this person I'm trying to get through to. Like, that mom will go, and he said bad words. You'd be like, right? No, no. But there's, like, a heart here. This I'm trying to like, again, that. That kid who sits down with his mom to show them this is how I feel, you know, Like, I'm trying with you.
- [25:36]
Zach Zimmerman
That is maybe a strategic thought for the future, because I definitely am like, this is me. I'm gonna talk about gay sex. I think I say ass in the first line. And I've learned my mom doesn't even like that level of cursing. So it's not. It's not clean. Like, she's wanted me to focus on clean comedy, which to me feels like, don't talk about being gay on stage. So I like want to do my sex act outs, but maybe the next special I'll be smarter and try to fold some of the lure some of the trumpers in lure some of the clutching your pearls dirty words. But this one was sort of like, this is my story. It is for a more progressive person. But there are bits that are clean. I surprised myself the Dunkin Donuts stuff. I didn't realize it was clean until after I was like, oh, I wrote like a three minute bit.
- [26:27]
Jared Freed
Right. The, the Dunkin Donuts bit is great. And it's been. What I loved about it is like, you know, there's very little. A great bit is something that's in front of everyone. And even if you don't go to Dunkin Donuts, you understand it. Like you're. You talk about Dunkin Donuts points using the app. Like, it was like a one sentence description of like that you did where it was like, I, you know the surprise me line. Because like, you didn't have to say. There could have been 10 minutes of like. So there's this button where it will surprise you and if it surprises you, it's when you get something free. Like, you didn't even do that. You go, there's a surprise me button. And like, I just knew. I was like, oh, so you get like a freebie. That's a surprise. Like, and so have you done the bit? And I'm asking this because personally I am from outside of Boston, the New England area. We have an ownership of Dunkin Donuts. That is our local coffee donut. The guy who started it, actually my dad, I think grew up across the street from the original is like close to where my dad grew up. Yeah. So I Dunkin Donuts, like, as far as being a national brand, that is like somewhat new. Ish. That's in the last like two decades. Like, so have you done a New England and were they passionate about the bit? Did it work differently in New England than it would have anywhere else?
- [27:48]
Zach Zimmerman
Oh, it hit real hard. I played Crystal Ballroom a few months before the special and like, yeah, Boston goes nuts for their Dunkeys.
- [27:57]
Jared Freed
Yes.
- [27:59]
Zach Zimmerman
I assume if I had done a bit about Starbucks. I go to Seattle country and I'm very.
- [28:04]
Jared Freed
I don't even think they care about it in the same way. Like, it's such a. I. I've been to Seattle and like they eye roll Starbucks in the same way. Everyone somewhat does. Like, it doesn't feel like Duncan is like, I mean, I mean there's even the SNL bits. Like They've done, you know, did you know it was going to be the passion before you got there where you're like, oh, I can't wait to throw this Duncan bit at them.
- [28:29]
Zach Zimmerman
Someone who lived there was like, this is gonna hit really hard. And I was like, really? And then it did. I was like, it's like, well, the opposite can be true. I have a bit about Red Lobster and I did that in the uk and they're like, what? It's like hinges on blue cheese being worse. So you take the good and the bad. Like sometimes things are gonna hit extra hard and then sometimes they're not gonna at all. But I got. It's a tough week. We're losing the $6 meal deal this week. So I.
- [28:58]
Jared Freed
Were you always a Duncan fan? If you're from Virginia, like, does it. When does Duncan come into your life?
- [29:04]
Zach Zimmerman
In the past, it's always been kind of there. I would do like a late night donut run. Like you're in my 20s, I drunk from the bar, I have a Dunkin on my way home, I go and get like a donut or two before bed. And then in the past two years, I live near a Starbucks, a Dunkin, a local, a coffee shop. And I get into little fits where I'll like go to one for two months and then go to another. And then when I go back, they'll be like, where you been, Zach? Like, I feel like I'm cheating on all of them. But then Duncan really started. The employees that work there are so sweet. Like, I like my mobile order. I like going in, I like seeing someone. I like them saying, hey, Zach. And I've just leaned into. I think the point system is the best probably. Obviously I should be supporting local coffee shops and I do occasionally, but I do.
- [29:55]
Jared Freed
No, you shouldn't. I, I am, I, I am a Duncan Stan. I mean like the problem with the Duncan's in New York is that they're like fairly disgusting. Like, you know, like, you know, like I. You can't sit in them. Like, you know the difference between the chairs. They see that to my point. That's why, I mean, like, I'll tell you. So I had a Duncan bit that. So my, that I kind of told and stopped telling because I don't know, I did it a half of it on the Tonight Show. Like I. And it wasn't ready. Like I kept working on it. It was the second time on and I'll never forget it. So like growing up, we had Dunkin Donuts cups. Like cups in Our cupboards. Like, we had. We. That, that was like we had a bunch of the, the Styrofoam cup, the regular cup, the plastic cup. So we had like tons of Dunkin Donuts, like things. And I'll never forget it. There was one literally up the street from my house, so we used to go to the same one. And my mom, I did the whole bit I did in the Tonight show was how she can't order coffee. Like she, like, she'll just say words that are like coffee adjacent. And like I talk about how like this person who worked there, like, knew the order. Like it was like hieroglyphics and like no one would know it, but this person who worked there. So like that was like half the bit that I ended up doing, but the real bit. And we walked in. The reason I started doing the bit is we walked in one day and the people working at Duncan like saw my mom and they were like, no cups, no cups. And I was like confused. You have this moment of like, what's going on? And they're screaming, no cups. And I go, what's going on? She's like, nothing, nothing, nothing. I take the cups and I go, is that why we have like a full on shelf of Dunkin Donuts like gear? And she's like, yeah, I usually come in here and I've seen my mom do this before. She'll take a full bag, open it up sleeve, sleeve caps. Like she takes everything.
- [32:09]
Zach Zimmerman
Is she ordering something?
- [32:11]
Jared Freed
At least she's getting like one coffee, but also like taking things on her way out, right? As if it's like, you know, a buffet of like, of so. And then they started pointing at a sign and it said 10 cents a cup. Like they started charging because of your mother. She, she changed the economy at a local Dunkin Donuts. Like they literally were looking at numbers. Like, what's going on? That was the whole bit. Like. And I, I didn't do it because it was just wasn't there yet. Because. And it also went with. And if an audience was good, you know, you do like the good part. You're like, if you're good, I'll get to this other part that I'm like kind of thinking on, you know, like. And I would. If it went well, which it didn't. It. They liked it for the Tonight Show. They were like, it's a clean bit about your mom and coffee. Like, do it. And then I'll never forget it. So they, when you, when you do it, I did my. They have a Rehearsal. And it's like, the rehearsal is for the camera people. And, like, that's it. So it's, like, really awkward. So I go up there and I do my rehearsal. My parents are there, and I get done, and my mom goes, don't do the coffee bit. I don't think you should do that. And I was like, it's an hour. We're doing this in an hour. Like, this has been out. And my dad, he's like, it's too true for her. Like, he didn't. She doesn't like it because it's so true to what, how she orders a coffee. Like, it's exactly. Like, it's almost too cartoonish. It probably doesn't. Didn't do as well because people were like, is he making fun? Like, no, no. This is really how she orders it. Did you have your mom. Did your parents. Did they get back. Have they watched the special and have they gotten back to you with their critique?
- [33:51]
Zach Zimmerman
I sent mom the special. She asked if it was clean. I said, parts of it. She said, send me clean clips. So we're at that level.
- [34:02]
Jared Freed
What's she afraid of, do you think? Like, to hear ass because you're not dirty. That's crazy, right?
- [34:08]
Zach Zimmerman
Why are you afraid of. She just. I guess I didn't realize the cursing things knew. Like, I thought. And I even. I don't know, maybe the world's not ready. I said, fuck on the radio last week doing, like, promo. And the guy was like, this is. You're on the radio. You can't say. You can't curse. I was like, oh, I forgot there are parts of the world where that's not allowed.
- [34:28]
Jared Freed
Well, that's all parts. That's the radio. Like, that I understand more than your mom watching a special. And, like, alone at home, like, is. Is the thought that, like, God will see me.
- [34:38]
Zach Zimmerman
Like, God's always watching. She. She loves. There was a. I have a bit about her. She's a Red Lobster server, and I tell a story and she. I put it online and it did numbers a couple of years ago. And she was nervous at first. You're like, you're going to get me fired. And then I was like, in this story, you're a hero. You're not. You've done nothing wrong. And then she started to appreciate the attention. I weirdly think that when we both are performing our relationship, we, like, behave a little better. Like, she's a showman. She is. She tells her table. She charges for entertainment. Like, she loves the spotlight, right? Similar to your Mother, like, sort of is a character. So all we have to do is hopefully document it right from our perspective. But then it can seem absurd, like, who is this woman? Like, is she. Is she real?
- [35:31]
Jared Freed
But she.
- [35:31]
Zach Zimmerman
I think we're both. Yeah. When there's an audience, we're both behaving maybe the best that we are. I hope they. Maybe one day I'll do a totally clean special just for her. Just for Patty Z. But she's not wrong, because clean comics are booking.
- [35:47]
Jared Freed
Like, I think we talked last week. I had Stephen Rogers on, and, you know.
- [35:52]
Zach Zimmerman
Oh, yeah, yeah.
- [35:52]
Jared Freed
You know, he. We talked about clean comedy. Just, like, you know, the. I. The. The dishonesty of clean comedy is why comics go against it. You know, like, we think it's being dishonest because we meet bad actors who do it, you know, like, you know, as you said, like, there are people who just get into clean comedy because it's being booked. Because you get booked. That is not, like, a good reason to do comedy to me. Or I'm. I'm assuming you. But I think I watched your special, and I was like, you're, like, seven words away. You know, Like, I. I, you know, like, from. And this is all honest and lived in. That's why I loved it so much. I was like, I'm watching. I'm like, oh, I'm. I'm seeing the dynamic of this family. Like, you know, that's. And. And also, there's a respect for religion, like, which I think the people that. I think. So, like, I do believe, like, you're making fun of it, but, like, you have to know so much about it to make fun of it the way you do.
- [36:56]
Zach Zimmerman
Oh, well, yeah. I just have this encyclopedic knowledge of everything from the first 18 years where I had to read the Bible, and I thought it was all evangelical fundamentalist Christianity, was all totally true. But that's interesting. You say, I have respect for it. I did go on Easter. Easter was on 420, so I took an edible and I went to a Baptist service thinking some. I. I was delighted. I wasn't, like, triggered or. Anyway, I was, like, blending in. They had a band, the pastor was cute, gave a nice little sermon. I was able to appreciate it as a piece of, like, storytelling. I was like, oh, yeah, he's doing five minutes on egg hunts. Like, these are just jokes. This isn't. Oh, and now he's folding the Bible in. I thought the. The drugs would make me have some experience or heal something, but the only thought I Could get. Couldn't get out of my head. This guy was kind of handsome. I was like, are you allowed? Is your wife. Do you get blowjobs? I couldn't get it out of my head. I was like, can pastors. I just can't see you. You're too. That seems wrong, but I googled it, and according to Christianity.com, yes, oral sex is allow within the confines of marriage between loving partners, loving man and woman.
- [38:08]
Jared Freed
Thinking of it in that context to me is a respect for it. Like, are you within the rules? Like, that you live by? Like, how much can. Like. Or are you a fraud? Like, do I have to. Like, you know, I don't know. I. I enjoy the special. I want everyone to go watch it. It's called Surprise Me. The Duncan Bits. I mean, like, spoke to me. I can't believe you get donuts from Dunkin Donuts. That's the other. I would never get a donut from Dunkin Donuts.
- [38:34]
Zach Zimmerman
It's a threat. It's not a great place. The donuts are not good. No offense to my chosen coffee company.
- [38:41]
Jared Freed
I don't think Jews get donuts from Dunkin Donuts. I've never seen, like. Like, if I saw, like, a tray of, like, donuts out from Dunkin, like, growing up, I'd be like, I'm at a non Jewish event. Like, that's not. No family member of mine would allow for this to happen without shame for eating it and the whole deal.
- [38:59]
Zach Zimmerman
What brand. What chain do you all go to? Or more of a local?
- [39:02]
Jared Freed
We don't. We don't eat donuts. We. We eat in secret. And we have. I know, but Dunkin Donuts. Dunkin Donuts Iced coffee. Like, that's like. I've been drinking Dunkin Iced Coffee since bagels.
- [39:14]
Zach Zimmerman
Bagels feel like cousins. Why can't. Where's the. Can't you make the least from a. I couldn't.
- [39:18]
Jared Freed
It's cake for breakfast. I can't like the idea of it.
- [39:22]
Zach Zimmerman
That doesn't make you salivate.
- [39:24]
Jared Freed
It makes me. There's, like, an element of giving up that, like, I've given up on all my goals for the day if I'm starting it with a donut.
- [39:35]
Zach Zimmerman
Gaffigan has a bit about pancakes where he's like, when you eat pancakes, like, well, guess I'm not showering today. I similarly don't. Sweets are, like, in the nighttime. Like, you got to be good through the day. This is unhealthy, disordered eating stuff. Be good through the day. And then at night, when no one's looking. You can have a little sweet treat.
- [39:56]
Jared Freed
The closer you are to hugging your pillow against your stomach is when you can start really being bad. I went last night. I went to. Have you been to a salt and straw?
- [40:07]
Zach Zimmerman
No.
- [40:08]
Jared Freed
These ice cream places are my. It's so good. And my buddy was like, I have a theory. I think they put like more salt in it than they should or whatever. And I'm like, no, there's no theory here. Their flavors aren't even ice cream. They're literally like cake with like a film of ice cream around it. Like they. But they had a pastrami on rye ice cream. No, you gotta try it. I tried was. It's like one of those things where it's like, it's better than you think it's gonna be, but you wouldn't have like a whole bowl of it if you had a bowl of it. Like, there's rules here. Like, that's for trying. That's for saying you've had it.
- [40:48]
Zach Zimmerman
Yes. If someone was like, I just got talking about them. But you go in and you get your cookie dough, your normal.
- [40:55]
Jared Freed
They know what they're doing. It's like if you did a stand up special where it's like, oh, he says a slur, I guess, right? And then you find a weave, right?
- [41:04]
Zach Zimmerman
The weave.
- [41:04]
Jared Freed
That's it.
- [41:05]
Zach Zimmerman
Surprise people in.
- [41:08]
Jared Freed
Everyone go watch. Surprise me. It's on YouTube right now. The link is in the bio of this episode. Zach Zimmerman, thank you so much for coming on this.
- [41:14]
Zach Zimmerman
Oh, Jared, this was a delight. Thanks for the having me on the J train.
- [41:17]
Jared Freed
Of course. You're the best. Back next week, boom.