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The JTrain Podcast
From Jokes to Gelato with Turner Sparks - CHIT CHAT WEDNESDAY - The JTrain Podcast w Jared Freid
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- [00:00]
Jared Freed
Chit Chat Wednesday for you to listen to. I have a guess who will be your new boo. You're gonna love them, too. Chit Chat Wednesday. I hope you're having a good day today. I hope it's gonna be a perfect week, too. I hope you have a nice poo. It's a chat Wednesday, too. Hello, and welcome to the J Train Podcast. It's a Chit Chat Wednesday and today's guest is Turner Sparks, hilarious comedian who. It just so happens I taped this before going to Australia and New Zealand, and Turner's like the most international comedian that I know. He's performed all over the world. So you can kind of sense that I'm asking questions about my own upcoming adventure that I just got back from. I'm taping this after the fact, but Turner talks about starting an ice cream business in China and it is just wildly interesting. Go follow Turner. Get involved with what he does. He's so funny. And enjoy today's episode. Boom. Welcome to the new J Train podcast. Hello and welcome to the jtrain podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming live from the West Village of Manhattan. That's right, every Wednesday is a Chit Chat Wednesday. I speak with a comedian, a friend, a expert, and this week I'm gonna say we have all three friend, comedian and an expert on being an international comedian. I would say he has a new podcast out called Black and White Advice. Black and White Advice Podcast. Turner Sparks, thank you for coming on the show again.
- [02:07]
Turner Sparks
Hey, thanks for having me, man. I was really curious to where the expert. Where I would land as an expert on what but international comedy. There we go.
- [02:15]
Jared Freed
I think I would think of. You're probably the first name I would think of as like an international comedian. I hope that's okay. You. You've done the world. You've done the world, right? And I'm. And I bring this up because I'm going to Auckland on Friday. So Friday we're taping. I'm banking these Chit Chat Wednesdays because they're the hardest to tape on the road, or I'm. I'm assuming they're going to be. They would be difficult to tape in Australia to like, get the. The time zones. The time zones alone is a headache disaster.
- [02:50]
Turner Sparks
Yeah, you. It's. So first of all, you mentioned Auckland. I'm actually on a. I have a spot on a radio show in local. Like, local Auckland radio.
- [02:59]
Jared Freed
That is. I mean, like, what do you.
- [03:02]
Turner Sparks
What. They're American. I'm the American correspondent on my buddy's radio show. He's a comedian in Auckland and he was like, hey, would you. And we write together. We write like, we get together once a week, once every two weeks. And. And we have a. Like, we can write jokes, we can help each other out, you know. And he was like, would you want to come on my radio show? So I started doing it, the election last year to explain America to these people in Auckland.
- [03:27]
Jared Freed
What are their questions? Like, I, I guess.
- [03:30]
Turner Sparks
Oh, I mean, it's like, like one of the weeks it was like, what is Thanksgiving? It's just very basic, you know, really.
- [03:37]
Jared Freed
And. But again, like, I would want your explanation of Thanksgiving rather than like a history teacher. Like, that's not really what they're asking. They're not like, what is Thanksgiving? The history. What you're. They're asking, like, what is 20, 25 Thanksgiving? Like, right. Like, is that their question? That.
- [03:55]
Turner Sparks
Yeah. And you know the answer as well as I do. The answer is Thanksgiving is we. We eat and drink and then fight.
- [04:04]
Jared Freed
Right?
- [04:05]
Turner Sparks
And then someone doesn't like grandma's cook. Someone gets to. Uncle gets too drunk, complains about casserole. The rest of the brothers and sisters, the adult have to pull them into a corner and tell them, grandma's too old. You have to pretend like you like it. Somebody's losing money on the Cowboys, it's chaos.
- [04:22]
Jared Freed
What's their follow up? Like, like, what do they have, like, what do they zone in on on Thanksgiving that they can't believe?
- [04:28]
Turner Sparks
So he. They said it's. You literally just described our Christmas, but without the football aspect.
- [04:36]
Jared Freed
Right? Like, well, that's the thing about, you know, a lot of these countries, like, you know, Christmas, you know, it's funny like that. Like, I would think like New Zealand and Australia, like, the whole country's doing Christmas. Like, the idea that like, like, I don't know, like here I feel like we're like, we can't really do that, you know, like, we. Yes. You know, like here it's like, oh, yeah, some people celebrate Christmas, but we have to acknowledge there's other people. Like, I feel like it's like, I don't know, maybe I'm. I'm totally way off and wrong.
- [05:07]
Turner Sparks
Well, no, no, I think you're right because there's obviously we have like a Jewish population. We have a. There's Muslim, there's atheists. I think a lot of atheists sell almost like a default because they're in the United States. They'll celebrate Christmas, but not necessarily right. So Thanksgiving is our thing that we.
- [05:24]
Jared Freed
All right, we Could. It's my favorite holiday for that reason. There's no. It's the most self. It's called Thanksgiving, but it's the most selfish holiday. All you do is sit and eat and drink and make yourself happy and you know, you know, and you don't have to do anything for anyone else. But I guess a mom would disagree. That has to cook for, like, 30 people. But, like, yeah, right.
- [05:43]
Turner Sparks
And then there's. And then there's always some one of the moms or aunts who's like, all right, we need to gather around. We're going to read the story of when Pocahontas met.
- [05:54]
Jared Freed
Really? You do this? That would never happen on my Thanksgiving. No. My Thanksgiving. No, no, no, no. There's no acknowledgement of.
- [06:02]
Turner Sparks
There's one person trying to force this.
- [06:04]
Jared Freed
Settlers. I, I. No, that's not my Thanksgiving at all. Absolutely not.
- [06:11]
Turner Sparks
There's always one person trying to force it. Like one of the adult women trying to force it. We know.
- [06:17]
Jared Freed
I've never heard of such a thing in my entire life. I mean, these people in Auckland have a very different view of Thanksgiving than I would give them.
- [06:24]
Turner Sparks
Well, this is the theme of my life. Giving people my very specific life experience and explaining to them that this is a thing that everyone in my culture does. I do this on the Black and White Advice podcast, too, where I'm the representative for white people.
- [06:36]
Jared Freed
Right. So what. So let's. Before we go to the podcast, I have more questions about your international lifestyle, because I do think of you. I'm going on this trip and, like, you know, that's why I thought I was like, let me get Turner on before I go and, like, he can, like, talk me through, like, have you done Auckland? Have you done Australia?
- [06:57]
Turner Sparks
I've. It's amazing. I've never. I'm on. I'm on the radio on Auckland regularly. I've never done comedy there.
- [07:02]
Jared Freed
Okay.
- [07:03]
Turner Sparks
But. But I have done Australia. I've got a couple times in the last two years. And what's your. Never been.
- [07:09]
Jared Freed
Never been. So I'm leaving on Friday, my 40th birthday. I'm getting on a flight and going to Auckland. And then that's my first show was on the 25th. I'm sure. I'm not sure we're gonna post this, but it might have already passed. And then I'm going to Sydney and Melbourne and Brisbane and Adelaide, and I'm going to, like, I'm going to end at the Great Barrier Reef, so I'm going to, like, do the whole thing what's that? Good club? Yeah, yeah, I heard good Chicken fingers.
- [07:37]
Turner Sparks
Wow. What a. Oh, wait, so I know I'm. I. So my buddy, who I do his radio show out of Auckland, he's kind of in my group of friends. I know the guy who's producing your tour.
- [07:48]
Jared Freed
Yes.
- [07:49]
Turner Sparks
And if we. I don't know if you want to say or not, but no, Andy, he.
- [07:53]
Jared Freed
I met him when I went to China. And that's kind of how I met you a little bit, I think, like just like by knowing. Yeah, yeah.
- [08:00]
Turner Sparks
Andy and I, Andy Curtin and I started a club in China in 2009, 2010. We started an open mic that turned into a tour that turned into a club that you came and did. But I think we missed each other. You did it right after I moved to the U.S. yes.
- [08:14]
Jared Freed
And what makes you start a club there? Like, what was like, what was that like?
- [08:20]
Turner Sparks
So it was no different. Where did you start comedy?
- [08:23]
Jared Freed
New York. I started in New York, yeah.
- [08:25]
Turner Sparks
Oh, you started in New York City. Okay. So anyone who started anywhere except New York or LA in the United States or in Europe or wherever you're listening to this, it was the exact same story, which is that I wanted to stand up comedy. I googled like comedy club in my city. Comedy in my country. There was nothing in the country of China. Nothing, Nothing. There was one in Hong Kong, which is at that time you needed a passport to even go there. It was so separated from mainland China, almost like Puerto Rico is to the mainland states. Right. So there was one club there. There was nothing in the. In the what we like our version of lower 48, the mainland China. Right. So I just started an open mic.
- [09:07]
Jared Freed
And people started coming.
- [09:10]
Turner Sparks
Yeah, I did. In English. There was nothing to do for expats. There was a ton of expats living out there at that time for business and all that stuff. Meaning, like Shanghai had 100,000 native English speakers in the city of Shanghai alone.
- [09:22]
Jared Freed
Wow.
- [09:23]
Turner Sparks
So that's a mid, you know, small, medium sized city that. That could support a comedy club. And these were all people who could afford to go out and stuff.
- [09:31]
Jared Freed
Right. Because they. They're making a good living. That's why they're there, right?
- [09:35]
Turner Sparks
Yeah. Mostly adults, mostly in their 20s, 30s and 40s. The exact demo. Who would want to go to a comedy show?
- [09:41]
Jared Freed
Right. And so more and more the open mic gets more and more popular and people come to it like as like an actual show.
- [09:49]
Turner Sparks
So it became, it was a show almost like I've heard of this happening in smaller Cities in America, they get like 50, 75 people out to the open mic just to watch.
- [09:57]
Jared Freed
To watch.
- [09:58]
Turner Sparks
It was the exact same thing. And then about a year later, Andy Curtin started one in Shanghai. I was in a city called Suzhou, an hour and a half from Shanghai. We didn't know each other. He did like, two open mics. And then someone connected us and they were like, you're the only two people in this whole country doing this.
- [10:13]
Jared Freed
You should meet and then get, like, a venue. I was at the venue. It was like a nice comedy club. It was, like, really pretty good.
- [10:22]
Turner Sparks
Yeah. So. So we then started, like, 20. That was 2009, 2010. By 2012, Andy and I, we were going back and forth. I was. He was setting up bar shows in his city. I was setting up bar shows in my city. There was like 10 comedians total. We were going back and forth, doing all these bar shows. And then we're like, we need to get better. And the only way to get better is to have to be able to open for people or. Or at least see better comedians than us.
- [10:48]
Jared Freed
Right. Well, that. That's a big thing with standup that people don't understand is, like, you have to be around standup to do standup. Like, and that's like, what, you know, like, you have to see. Because there's moments where you do a bit and you're like, man, I'm a genius. And then you find out that's a bit that, like, literally everyone does at their club. And you're like, oh, I guess I'm not such a genius. And then, like, then you get around and you're, like, trying to. Especially when you're trying to figure it out. And if you're not. If you're not curious, which you are, because you're like, I need to see other comedians and see what they're doing or see what works on the main stage, what gets me to the next level. You do get better and find your own voice just for being curious, like. And, you know, we come across a lot of people and that are doing stand up and you're like, that person doesn't care to know what people are doing, you know, Like.
- [11:40]
Turner Sparks
Yeah.
- [11:40]
Jared Freed
And. And that's what makes, you know, I kind of. I think it kind of separates people, you know?
- [11:45]
Turner Sparks
Yeah. I remember one time opening for a guy out in Phoenix or something, and he was destroyed, Right. With Simpsons impressions. And then at the.
- [11:55]
Jared Freed
Right.
- [11:56]
Turner Sparks
And then at the end of the night, was furious that he wasn't a famous person. And why are these Other people getting it. And he's killed for years in the. In Arizona and he's has Conan won't put him on.
- [12:09]
Jared Freed
And it's a lesson for life. We, you know, I think stand up is one of those things that like, really could help people in like so many different ways. Like, as far as like what you learn from it, like, you learn like disappointment. You learn, you know, work ethic. Like, and it's weird for such like a profession that's known for such stupidity and laziness and whatever. It's like the hardest working people who would like, teach a person how to like, run their business. Like, yeah, you know, like, yeah, like the guy who does Simpsons impressions, like, that's a lesson. Like, you know, like, like, dude, what do you. They already do the Simpsons. It's the show. It's on every week. You know, like, people can turn on this, right? We can watch the original. We. We're not really like, blown away. We're blown away. I mean, impressionists generally like impressionists. That is like a whole nother, like, side piece of the stand up game. Like, you know, the people. You. I've watched impressionists on stage and the act of doing it, you. It's a magic trick. You watch people's like their. Their whole life lights up. Like they, you. You watch them in a way that is not like stand up. Like, they're not like, they are impressive. Like, magic way.
- [13:21]
Turner Sparks
Like when you see a magician, you're like, what?
- [13:24]
Jared Freed
Right? And stand apart comes with an impressionist. Like, you have to make. If you can do homer, you've done like a third of the job. Like, you have to do homer, then doing stand up in a hilarious way, which is a different thing altogether.
- [13:41]
Turner Sparks
Yeah, plus the jokes, plus writing original. And I do. I'm just putting this together now, but this guy was specifically complaining about Conan. I'm just realizing now that Conan wrote on the Simpsons, right?
- [13:52]
Jared Freed
Conan, of all the people would be like, you're doing bad jokes with my character. That I would write better. Like, he could write it better than that guy.
- [14:00]
Turner Sparks
But. But this guy couldn't realize why he was destroying for so long. And then. And he. I think he was like a feature. Maybe at the time. This is a decade ago, but in.
- [14:09]
Jared Freed
Phoenix, it's such a mind fuck because you're like, they're laughing. Like, if you're just looking at it as laughs, then you're like, it's hard to do because you can be in China. Do like, I remember I went to China and like the, The Cool part was that I was. It was my first time being an outsider. Really? Like, yes. And that made it easier because I could be like, I could tell them about China in a way that automatically was interesting because I wasn't from there. And that's. It was kind of a lesson learned for the road. Because you go on the road and it's like, okay, let me give you some feedback on your town. Because you're coming from out of town, you're automatically like, a little bit. You have a different take. Or maybe they've heard the take before, but they're hearing it from you. Or maybe they've talked about it amongst each other. And, like, how did you know that we do this here or that we're this way? Like, I remember going to Vancouver and I was like, why is everyone here so miserable? And I started talking about how miserable everyone here. I was like, you have. You hate where you live so much, yet it is the most beautiful place I've ever been in my entire life. And, like, they're automatically on board. They're like, oh, we are miserable. You know? And, like, you know, and you do. If you put that joke on out. Out online, you'll have, like, another group that. That kind of, like, crops up that is like, don't tell us who we are. We love our place. I'm like, I'm not saying in a bad way. It's just what you are like, yeah.
- [15:33]
Turner Sparks
And in a comedy club, there's this shared like, hey, we're all in this secret place together. We can just. We could talk about whatever we want.
- [15:39]
Jared Freed
Right?
- [15:40]
Turner Sparks
And that's so true. People loved it when you guys would all come through. So we opened this in China. We did this open mic. We did these bar shows. And then when we realized we wanted to get better, we started. Andy were like, we're like, well, what if we start flying out comedians.
- [15:54]
Jared Freed
Yeah.
- [15:54]
Turner Sparks
Headliners. And we can open for them and then we can watch them for a week and just sort of, like, learn.
- [16:01]
Jared Freed
Right? And you have this thing. And this is the thing about comedy that I don't think I even thought of, like, as. It's like that comedies, like, can end up being this ticket to the whole world. And maybe it wasn't. Yeah, it wasn't that way. Maybe 30 years ago.
- [16:18]
Turner Sparks
I don't think it was like, I.
- [16:19]
Jared Freed
Think you guys are a part of that being a thing. Like, you know, you guys were really part of, like. Like, you know, I met Andy at the comedy seller. He's like, would you come to China. I'm like, yeah, yeah, just. Let's go. Like, I want to go to China. Like, of course I want to go to China. Like, no questions asked. Like this, like, you know, this Australia, New Zealand thing is really my doing. I've always wanted to go to Australia. I'd never been. I go to my agent, I'm like, do they do a thing there? And now Andy, who was in China, is like, you know, raising. Like, I will bring. I will put the thing together for you. And it's like, I'm very excited. I'm nervous, I'm. I'm anxious. I'm like, all the things. You know, going alone anywhere is, like, a little bit weird, but I'm.
- [17:05]
Turner Sparks
What.
- [17:05]
Jared Freed
Do you have anything about Australia that I should know? Like, and. And, well, to actually. To end the thing about telling people about their town. Like, I was like, oh, man. That's why all our. Like. Like, I. It made me annoyed at comedians that come to America. Like. Like, I do think it's, like, somewhat easier. I do think it is. I. I think it's. I think. Listen, I love. You know, there's a lot of international comedians that have moved here that I. I think are great, but I do think that there is a. There's a side door that they're taking. Like, once you move here, you get to tell. Like, I always took exception. I'm like, oh, so you're gonna tell us how shitty we are and how fat and lazy we are? Like, oh, cool. Thanks, man. And, like, people eat it up. They love it. Like, it feels like, you know, and I'm a John Oliver fan, but John Oliver can say things that maybe I can't, or no one would care that.
- [17:56]
Turner Sparks
I would say, say, yeah, two things on that. One is that I was like, so there's a real temptation even when you live out in. In China, for example. But you're. You're an American or you're a foreigner. You can also skate by on all that stuff.
- [18:09]
Jared Freed
Right. And that's hard, too, because then you have to, like, resist the temptation. Yeah. You got to do your own bits. It can't all be like, so China people are killing. Right.
- [18:20]
Turner Sparks
Local comics are doing it. They're like, why is this weird? And you're like, you've been here eight years, you still don't know why that thing exists.
- [18:27]
Jared Freed
Right, right, right, right. So what advice would you give me for Australia? What would you say?
- [18:32]
Turner Sparks
Yeah, so first of all, it's going.
- [18:35]
Jared Freed
To be like, tell me about their Thanksgiving.
- [18:38]
Turner Sparks
Yeah, exactly. You can ask Them. But first of all, do that. Just whatever observations you have. But the funniest thing I remember, so I was. I did their. I've done their club, a few in Sydney, which is called. I think it's called the Comedy Store.
- [18:49]
Jared Freed
I think that's the one I'm doing. We're adding a show.
- [18:52]
Turner Sparks
Oh, great.
- [18:53]
Jared Freed
I added a second show. I took away the Perth one, didn't sell tickets, but the Sydney one did.
- [18:58]
Turner Sparks
The Comedy Store in Sydney, no exaggeration, I think is the best. It's the best design club I've ever played in my life.
- [19:04]
Jared Freed
Oh, that's cool.
- [19:05]
Turner Sparks
It's 300 seats, maybe, but it's art. But it's. There's no wait service during the show.
- [19:13]
Jared Freed
Love it.
- [19:15]
Turner Sparks
So then there's no waiters, waitresses walking around. There's no check drop. There's none of that. People just go to the bar before get their drinks. I was doing more of a showcase. Like, everyone does 15. I was closing with 20 or something.
- [19:26]
Jared Freed
Right.
- [19:26]
Turner Sparks
So they would do a break in the middle, probably. I don't know how you work it. If you're headlining, you probably won't do that.
- [19:31]
Jared Freed
Right.
- [19:31]
Turner Sparks
But I would ask about. I should probably ask sometimes.
- [19:36]
Jared Freed
Well, I mean, you go to Europe, there's no opener. Like, I had no opener in places like.
- [19:40]
Turner Sparks
Oh.
- [19:41]
Jared Freed
And I just. They were like a. Now, Jerry, I'm like, let's do it. And I would do like an hour, hour 20. Like, I was like, okay, I guess this is what happens. Like, yeah, I'll figure it out. But okay. So I'm excited. This is great.
- [19:53]
Turner Sparks
So what makes it so cool? It's like 300 seats, like an American club would be. But it's. It's stadium. It's like slanted up.
- [20:00]
Jared Freed
Oh, like that.
- [20:02]
Turner Sparks
The back of the room is higher. The front hundred seats are on the floor, but the 200 in the back are, like, up. So it almost gives you, like an arena feel to a comedy club.
- [20:12]
Jared Freed
It's like Magoobies in Baltimore. Have you ever done.
- [20:15]
Turner Sparks
I haven't played that.
- [20:16]
Jared Freed
Oh, well, Magoobies has. It's. I. I won't say that to the crowd in Sydney. I won't be like, hey, this is just like Baltimore. No, this is just like Timonium, Maryland. They'll be like, excuse me. Yeah.
- [20:31]
Turner Sparks
The other thing I found hilarious, and this was consistent, I would say, mostly among older audience members. They were blown away that an American could be funny.
- [20:43]
Jared Freed
What? Okay.
- [20:44]
Turner Sparks
It was crazy, really.
- [20:47]
Jared Freed
Why were they. They didn't. They just don't see us as funny people.
- [20:50]
Turner Sparks
They don't.
- [20:51]
Jared Freed
We literally invented. It's the, it's the only American art form. Okay. We invented stand up comedy.
- [20:58]
Turner Sparks
Imagine like the 60, 60 year old Australian guy with like the drinking nose, kind of fat white guy, sunburned, consistently would come up to me after shows and be like, you're an American and you're funny. I didn't know you guys could be funny.
- [21:16]
Jared Freed
That's crazy to them.
- [21:18]
Turner Sparks
It's like they've only seen according to Jim, I think.
- [21:21]
Jared Freed
Okay.
- [21:22]
Turner Sparks
And you know what I mean? So they're like, I thought it was gonna be like, we have comedy in Australia and England has comedy, but Americans, we didn't know you had a sense of humor.
- [21:33]
Jared Freed
Wild. You know, they just think we're all super serious. Like don't take away my gun people. Is that kind of what they think we are?
- [21:41]
Turner Sparks
No, it's almost like they thought it was gonna be a like hack, like.
- [21:45]
Jared Freed
Right.
- [21:45]
Turner Sparks
Almost like they were broad sitcom is there. But now I'm talking about like the older generation. Younger people. Younger people were the opposite. They're like, oh my God, like what's do you know? And they're naming like local New York City podcast.
- [22:02]
Jared Freed
Oh, so they know they're in on the scene.
- [22:04]
Turner Sparks
Well, you do notice that Louis Gomez. What's your relationship with Louis Gomez? I'm like, wow, I don't know him. But that's amazing that you know, right?
- [22:13]
Jared Freed
Like Legion of Skanks, like they, they're in on the. Well, the podcast changed everything. Like it just like the idea that you could. I mean there's people listening to us right now that are all over the world and we're just chit chat again. The, the premise of chit chat Wednesday is to like sit and turn your brain off while two other people have a full on conversation. And it's like I would think it's cool to be like sitting in Sydney. Like, oh my God, they're talking about us. Like I. Like there's something fun about that.
- [22:44]
Turner Sparks
Yeah. So it's. I, I use Lewis Goodbye as an example, but it's because I couldn't think of other people. But it's way beyond. It's like who would be the fifth guy that every once in a while does his podcast and they know like.
- [22:55]
Jared Freed
Like, like I don't wanna, I don't want to insult anybody, but like there's like a million names I'm thinking of, so. But again, if I knew like a New York City comedian in Australia and I like had this Relationship with them over podcast. I, I would ask too. Like, I would go, yeah, you know, like, because I have this, you know, again, a podcast and is. Is a very intimate relationship. We are literally, if they're not watching on YouTube, we are inside their body. If you think about it, like, we. Yeah, we are. If you have headphones in your ears right now, I am inside of you. Like, it is, like, kind of weird. And that brings us to inside of you Wednesdays. Inside you Wednesdays. Every Wednesday, I get in your ear and I tickle your funny bone. Tickle your brain. You can have a killer body and still eat bread. Herobred is changing the game with guilt free bread that actually tastes like bread, not cardboard. You'd literally never know that. This bread has zero grams of sugar, ultra low net carbs, and a ton of fiber. It's soft, it's fluffy, it's seriously delicious. In addition to sliced bread loaves, they've also got dinner rolls, tortillas, crab croissants or croissants, if you'd like to call it that. Bagels and more. I just read the copy and I agree with everything they said. I have it in my freezer. I have the bagels. The bagels are awesome. And I'm telling you this, if you want to stay on your health game and you have the choice of regular bread and hero bread, where it has ultra low net carbs and a ton of fiber that's going to keep you fuller longer. I am going to take the fuller, longer bread. I'm going to take the one that's going to make me feel good about eating bread. Hero bread is delicious. I have it. I love it. I have it with my breakfast. I think it's awesome. And I'm currently, you know, I've just come back from my big abroad adventure. I'm trying to eat better and get more on schedule and Herobred is a part of that. So get ready for tons of healthy work week lunches, breakfast sandwiches and meals that the whole family will love. Herobred is offering 10, 10% off your order. Go to Hero Co. That's Hero Co. Use code J Train. J train. J Train at checkout. That's jtrain. Hero Co.
- [25:22]
Turner Sparks
So this is how we start. But this is how Andy and I started. So 2009, this idea that comedy used to not be international, now it is. It's 100% because of podcasts. And I know that because that's how I started. I remember 2009. I was always a fan of, like, norm My whole life, Norm McDonald's my favorite comedian. But you didn't have access to any of these people or anyone beyond that. And then all of a sudden I remember at that time, Mark Norman had just started his podcast.
- [25:49]
Jared Freed
Right.
- [25:51]
Turner Sparks
We both roll up.
- [25:52]
Jared Freed
Him and I started the same time at Stand Up New York. Our podcast started 20 very to 2012, I think Adam Corolla, I was listening to.
- [26:04]
Turner Sparks
Yeah, okay, wait, wait, wait. I was thinking of Mark. Thinking of Mark Marin. This is 2009. Yeah, yeah, Norman, I was thinking of Marin. So you guys started at Stand Up New York. That's where my last one started too.
- [26:14]
Jared Freed
Yeah.
- [26:14]
Turner Sparks
So Marin started in 2009 and then Corolla, Adam Carolla would sometimes have comedians on.
- [26:21]
Jared Freed
Right. And that's how I started.
- [26:23]
Turner Sparks
Okay. And it was the first ever where you could hear kind of the behind the scenes, a little bit of stand up, what it's like to be on the road, what it's like to write at without being have it. I was in the middle of nowhere, China, and all of a sudden I had access to all these people.
- [26:38]
Jared Freed
He would have Joe Boy on and that's. Yeah, Corolla had Joe Coy on a lot. And he crushed down. Yeah, Fitzsimmons a lot. Now knowing Greg now, I'm like, I'm in awe of Greg Fitzsimmons who's hilarious. But like when I've met him, I'm like, I, I don't know how to like relate to him that like, to me he was like the comedian at the time, like come on that show and he had all the stories about Ellen DeGeneres and working on that show. And I was like, that's such a cool. And I used to download the Adam Carolla podcast in 15 minute increments because it was the radio show that he was putting out as a podcast. And then he went to full time podcaster and he would have, you know who else he would have on that? I loved David Alan Greer. Like, I had such a respect for David Alan Greer and how funny he was. Like, I was like, this is like unbelievable. Like, I was like, agreed, unbelievable. Yeah. We have similar. It's funny that like I remember, like, you know, it's funny like what a podcast kind of comes to me, like, if we're gonna like get into it, like, and I always say this on this show, like it is a crutch, you know, it is like something to like get you away from your own thoughts. If you're feeling down, if you're feeling alone, like you feel Less alone. Like, I remember being. It was the summer after I graduated college. I graduated college in 2007, and I went to the Jersey Shore with some friends. We all had a house together. And I'm kind of, like, avoiding life. And I remember getting drunk at the Jersey Shore in Avalon, New Jersey, and, like, not really, like, getting done with the night. I'm not, like, hooking up. I'm, like, going back to this room in a house that has a single bed and I don't know what I want. And I'm, like, studying for the Series 7 to do finance, to do life insurance sales. And it's like, I'm, like, on this path that I don't even know why I'm doing it or how it's going to work out. And I. I remember, like, putting on the Tony Kornheiser podcast, which, like, I listened to even still. And he was ending it. He had. He was like, where the. Or his radio contract had ended. They were putting the radio show on as a podcast. And I was listening to it because I love pti and that always, like, would make me feel. That was always my half hour a day that I could, like, zone in on a half hour sports talk. And it's not my problems. And I remember finding this podcast and I'm listening to it, and I remember, like, I would download it to my computer and listen to it off the computer. Like, I'm looking at you now. And I remember when he ended it, I was so upset. I was like, wait a minute, like, I need this. Like, it was like having your. It was like having. I remember feeling as though I had my. My prescription medication not covered anymore. Like, I was like, I. I guess I'm almost done. Do you know what I mean?
- [29:46]
Turner Sparks
Develop a relationship with these.
- [29:48]
Jared Freed
Yeah. And I. And I also, like, was putting it on at night when I felt, like, really sad and lost. Like, I. I was like. It was like covering for me. It was like. It was like taking like a Xanax, you know? Like, I was like, I'm gonna run out of pills, you know?
- [30:01]
Turner Sparks
Well, so it was similar for me. I was driving. I had a. This is a whole different other story. But my business out there at the time, I had the Mr. Softy ice cream trucks.
- [30:10]
Jared Freed
I've told this to people. I've told this about you.
- [30:14]
Turner Sparks
Oh, really? Yeah.
- [30:15]
Jared Freed
Tell the stories. You had ice cream trucks in China, right? Yeah. They, like, shut you down, didn't they?
- [30:21]
Turner Sparks
Yes. That's why we moved to new. That's why I became a professional comedian. This is my backup plan. Comedy was the fallback. I was doing comedy as a hobby until the Chinese government took my main business away. And I'm like, well, I guess this is my full time career.
- [30:34]
Jared Freed
So you basically went to China. You're like, they don't have ice cream here. I'll open up a Mr. Softie.
- [30:39]
Turner Sparks
That's the short. Yeah, that's the short story. I moved there to teach English. I did that for a year. But in the middle of that year realized, oh, this is like a total avenue. There's no soft serve ice cream truck, there's no food trucks, whatever. So I approached my roommate from college, University of Miami. His grandfather started softy in the 50s. That's how I even heard of it. I didn't. I was a west coast guy, didn't know the brand. And then so in the middle of this year, I'm like, dude, I called him. I'm like, yo, what if we do Mr. Softy? I think we could do it in China. We should like one truck. Let's just see what happens. And talk to his dad. It was still a family owned business. I think it still is. And his dad was like, I have no interest in doing this, but if you guys want to do it, we could do a franchising deal. I can give you the rights to a truck and let's just see how it goes. So in 2006, I graduated 2004, in college, 2006, I'm like 24. No business degree at all, no nothing in business. And then all of a sudden I'm like on the road for a year in China, sourcing all the products. I have to find sprinkles, I have to find the cones, I have to find the soft serve machines, the mix. And I'm flying two hours to the middle a city I've never been then getting a rental car, driving three hours into the, like, you know, the fields until you come across this factory that makes ice cream cones. And then meeting with.
- [31:58]
Jared Freed
Unbelievable.
- [31:59]
Turner Sparks
And I did that for a year until I sourced everything, including the trucks. We got the trucks made in China. This Chinese got this company that was a joint venture with the Chinese government that made tanks and military vehicles.
- [32:12]
Jared Freed
Holy.
- [32:13]
Turner Sparks
They could re outfit anything. You gave them a shell, they could turn it into whatever you wanted. And so I met with them and I remember, we go, we get there at like noon in Nanjing, China, two hours away. Immediately. We get there at 11:30am they're like, before we do anything, we're going to lunch and all that Means is we're about to all get blacked out drunk on by Joe, like Chinese Everclear, okay? And so you go to lunch, they order food, they get bottles of booze. By 1:00, they're asking you was like, was yaming really good or was that just the news we got over here? And you're like, no, no, no, he was great.
- [32:48]
Jared Freed
Wild.
- [32:48]
Turner Sparks
By 1:30, everybody's blacked out. And then when I, like, come back to. When I come back in, it's an hour and a half later, we're in the back of their factory and they're showing me, drunkenly showing me inside of all their tanks. All this private Chinese government. I'm not supposed to be seeing this as an American citizen with no clearance, no government clearance, no anything. And all of a sudden they're like, yeah, check out this button. Check out what this thing does. And ha ha, if we ever attack you one day, this will be wild.
- [33:19]
Jared Freed
Like, oh my God.
- [33:21]
Turner Sparks
And I'm like, wow. And then we made the D. And then the guy. Oh, no. Then the guy, the GM of the company went to, he's like, all right, wait in the lobby for me. I'll be back in a minute. He goes to sleep for an hour, like, like drunken sleep at 4:45 in the afternoon. I'm knocking on the door, I'm like, hey, man, we gotta go. I know you close at 5. We gotta get outta here. He goes, oh, yeah, just bring the papers over. We sign all the paperwork and made the deal. And then from then on, they were our supplier to make ice cream trucks. So.
- [33:48]
Jared Freed
So then you start selling ice cream.
- [33:51]
Turner Sparks
Yeah. So 2007, we opened. We opened a truck and a store and it like, blew up and so. Meaning, like day one, immediately, the Chinese people told us later on they had seen America, they'd seen ice cream trucks in movies, in American movies.
- [34:09]
Jared Freed
Right, right.
- [34:10]
Turner Sparks
But had never seen them in person. Never thought they would see him in person. So when they saw it, it was like seeing a celebrity. They were like, oh my gosh, that's here. They knew what it was right away.
- [34:19]
Jared Freed
That's interesting.
- [34:20]
Turner Sparks
We were worried they wouldn't know what it was. They all knew. They just didn't see it. So it was like immediate dip cones, banana splits Sundays, all that stuff. And I ended up doing that for 10 years. But.
- [34:32]
Jared Freed
But you had a moment where they, like the government, you could tell. They were like, we're watching you type of thing.
- [34:37]
Turner Sparks
Yeah. So towards the end, I mean, I. It got rough. Like, comedy wise, I I remember I got banned from doing comedy for six months because the local Thursday night show I ran got turned into the government as a front for an anti communist organization.
- [34:55]
Jared Freed
So you're like, you gotta, at that point, when are you like, why am I doing this? Like, why? I don't need to, like, you know what, put myself in danger.
- [35:03]
Turner Sparks
It didn't click at that point. It took like two or three more years for it to click in my brain. I don't know why. I was just, life's so comfortable. Everything else is fine. I had friends who worked in the government and they were like, oh, don't worry, you're going to have to get banned for six months just because that's. If anyone turns anyone in, it's an immediate six month ban. But we've already told the officials that this was a rival bar that turned us in because we were like, our show was so popular. They just.
- [35:29]
Jared Freed
Rival bar. Like, I could. You could have been in a prison. Like, of course, like, that's the, like, like the idea. Like, oh, you know, we don't want our business. It's like, these are high stakes.
- [35:41]
Turner Sparks
So I come in one day to our club, our venue, it was like a bar show, right? But we got like over 100 people every week to this bar show. And the staff told me, I walk in and they go, hey, we all got called into the police station today to give as much information on you as we had. But. And they were all like, don't worry. I looked at one guy goes, I looked at their books. I only told them what was already in their books. But like, I wasn't doing anything bad in the first place, but I had.
- [36:06]
Jared Freed
What else is there?
- [36:06]
Turner Sparks
We all know now. Yeah, looking back now, you don't have to be doing anything bad for an authoritarian government to do whatever they want with you.
- [36:13]
Jared Freed
Right?
- [36:14]
Turner Sparks
So anyway, I lucked out of that one. And then a couple Years later with Mr. Softy, they started. People started coming to work for it. Like, you know, you'd hire drivers. Different, different people would come and go almost like at a McDonald's or something, right? Employees and all this people would come and they would start stealing from us and then we would find out and fire them. And then like a week later they would have their own truck. And it takes two or three months to build one of these trucks.
- [36:41]
Jared Freed
Right, right.
- [36:42]
Turner Sparks
And so we found out later on they were stealing secrets. And then also they would. We had these permits that were hard to get and they were, they didn't have any permits. So I started turning them in, just being like, hey, just let you know they don't have a permit to the government, so if you want.
- [36:56]
Jared Freed
Right.
- [36:57]
Turner Sparks
You should probably check them out because there's no food license, there's no hygiene, there's no any of that. And no, nothing was ever getting done about the non permit thing with them. And then eventually we found out that they were relate. They were like cousins of the the government officials. And so we got shut down. They pulled our permits away once they kind of got them up and running. So we couldn't compete with that.
- [37:19]
Jared Freed
So I mean, you must have been doing well and like to have that happen.
- [37:22]
Turner Sparks
Yeah, everything was great. Yeah, business was good and.
- [37:25]
Jared Freed
But like I guess that's. I remember talking to you about this and it just felt like that's kind of how it goes over there. Like.
- [37:32]
Turner Sparks
Exactly.
- [37:33]
Jared Freed
So there is a risk of starting a business that tomorrow the business is gone.
- [37:38]
Turner Sparks
Yes. Which is the greatest part about my wife and I talk about all the time about being in the US is that like she has her own small business. I have my own small business like you do with comedy.
- [37:48]
Jared Freed
Yeah.
- [37:48]
Turner Sparks
And there's no risk. I have no fear that the government's going to take it away. But with the comedy club that Andy and I ran and the Mr. Salty business, day one, you're just like, okay, this can go away at any moment.
- [37:58]
Jared Freed
That's. Well, it's a weird thing to be thankful for. Like, I, I don't think even Americans understand. I don't understand. Like, that is not even a thought in my brain that I should thank God that I can just keep going no matter what, you know, like that, that, that is something that wouldn't come up.
- [38:15]
Turner Sparks
But yeah, that at no point is the government just going to step in and be like, oh, you're done. And you're like, why? And they go, don't ask us why. You just are.
- [38:22]
Jared Freed
It's just.
- [38:23]
Turner Sparks
That's.
- [38:23]
Jared Freed
That's because I said so.
- [38:25]
Turner Sparks
Right? Because I said so is the answer. Andy and I talk about it a lot. You know, he's back in Australia now and there is this like, you almost this relief, but almost a cloud coming up over your head, out from over your head that takes a year or two to get out of when you leave.
- [38:38]
Jared Freed
I would. Yeah, there's like some PTSD there.
- [38:41]
Turner Sparks
Yeah, I think that's the word.
- [38:43]
Jared Freed
So you're have a new podcast, the Black and White Advice Podcast. You're doing this show, explain it to the listeners so that they go follow it and go Watch it. And go.
- [38:54]
Turner Sparks
Thank you. Yeah, so it's me and Phil Duckett. Phil is a longtime friend of mine. He's a comedian in New York City.
- [38:58]
Jared Freed
Phil's hilarious.
- [38:59]
Turner Sparks
Yeah, yeah. Phil's black, I'm white. I'm the expert on white people. He's the expert on black people. And people write in questions they've always wanted to ask a black guy or white guy, but it's, you know, a little impolite to ask. So.
- [39:14]
Jared Freed
Okay, go ahead. I'm sorry to interrupt.
- [39:16]
Turner Sparks
And that's it. We give him answer. We have a guest on and we'd love to have you on sometime. Whenever you're busy, whenever you're free.
- [39:21]
Jared Freed
What is the, what is, have you noticed about the, is there a difference between the black and white device? Have you noticed a difference? Will this get you canceled for even explaining the difference?
- [39:33]
Turner Sparks
No, no, this won't get me canceled. What I, what I've come to realize is it's initially very uncomfortable. Right?
- [39:40]
Jared Freed
Yeah.
- [39:40]
Turner Sparks
And Phil said, day one, he was like, this is going to be a way easier project has for me to pull off than for you to pull off.
- [39:48]
Jared Freed
There's different. Yeah. Okay. Because, well, there's also like, no one wants to hear the white guy advice. I, I would, I would assume, like people are like, okay, we've heard your advice already.
- [39:57]
Turner Sparks
Well, but black people might ask questions to a wife.
- [40:00]
Jared Freed
Okay. What are the black people asking you?
- [40:03]
Turner Sparks
Yes.
- [40:03]
Jared Freed
So this all sounds horrible. I, I, I, I, I don't know. I've, I've never thought of like, when I get a question from a black guy, I'm not, I'm not like, well, here's the white answer. I don't know, like, what's the question? What's a question?
- [40:14]
Turner Sparks
You got embrace the fact that you're the expert.
- [40:17]
Jared Freed
Right. You have to fill the role.
- [40:19]
Turner Sparks
Leap. Yes.
- [40:20]
Jared Freed
What's the question you've gotten about white people?
- [40:22]
Turner Sparks
Okay, so one is why, why don't a recent one, why don't white guys, when they go bald, why don't they just shave the full head? Why do they hang on to the side, the hair around the sides, you know, so black, A black guy's like, we just shave our heads. And I, my answer was like, first of all, you didn't do that before. Jordan. I think Michael Jordan.
- [40:39]
Jared Freed
Right. I, I, I think you have to see a good looking guy who looks like you do it before you do it. You have to like respect the person doing it. So Michael Jordan. Because I, my, when you're like, black people don't have or. Or shave at all. Shave all their head. I go, well, hold on. The. The dad from what's the movie, The Eddie Murphy movie. The owner of McDowell's, he just passed away.
- [41:08]
Turner Sparks
Coming to America.
- [41:09]
Jared Freed
Coming to America. The owner of McDowell's has the classic, you know, hairline of a bald guy. It has like the Larry David thing going on. And it's like, I do think you have to see it to achieve it type of thing. So, like, I think for white guys, seeing Jason Statham probably changed the game for a lot of white guys. As far as shaving her head.
- [41:31]
Turner Sparks
Yeah. And pre Jason Statham, who did we have? Who was our hero? But like, you know, George Costanza. Well, if he could pull it off, right.
- [41:40]
Jared Freed
Hulk Hogan was. Yeah. Classic. Yeah. No, these are. But I'm saying, yeah, we've never really had a leader. I think, like, Jordan is a leader, you know, like that. You, Jordan, you see him, he's good looking dude. You're like, oh, if he. I want to be good looking like Jordan, I, I understand that.
- [41:58]
Turner Sparks
That he shaved the night. Any of you who watched 70s basketball do the Dr. J era have jelly bean? Brian, Kobe's dad had like a receding hairline playing in the. So.
- [42:07]
Jared Freed
Well, look at, look at LeBron and KD. They're both kind of holding on to their hair. Like they kind of have hair issues. What's another question you've got? Now? This is a very. I, I think it's more interesting to see the questions that I would get as a, you know, as the white representative.
- [42:23]
Turner Sparks
So one here was one that was very controversial, but I think I had an answer. Why do. Somebody wrote in. Why do white people. This is a white guy wrote this. And why do white people smell. Smell bad when we are wet? But I think it's a classic thing that black people think we smell bad when we're wet. Did you never hear this?
- [42:40]
Jared Freed
No, no, no, no. That's not a thing. Really.
- [42:43]
Turner Sparks
So Phil was like. It was a white guy who wrote it in. Phil's like, oh, yeah, 100%. We talk about it all the time.
- [42:48]
Jared Freed
Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Yeah, I. Okay, good. Good to know. I. I'm happy to. I didn't know I'm gonna have to smell myself while I'm wet.
- [42:56]
Turner Sparks
So my personal answer for me, I don't know if I don't think it related to most of the audience, but I gave it as an answer.
- [43:02]
Jared Freed
You have to give an answer, right?
- [43:04]
Turner Sparks
Yeah. So first of all, I think there's. There's two Reasons. One is the towels. I never wash my towels as often as I probably should. So I noticed my wife, who's Chinese, washes her towel once we started dating. The towels get washed all the time now. Maybe that's a female thing compared to a male thing.
- [43:22]
Jared Freed
Yeah, I don't, but I don't know. Yeah, I'll use a towel three times before it gets in the wash.
- [43:29]
Turner Sparks
I was a, I'm a once a week guy.
- [43:31]
Jared Freed
But yeah, it's just if it's damp, I'm like, I think it's time, time to. But I, I reuse a towel. I mean, but my brother, I remember my brother stayed with me and he like, he's got a towel around his head and he's got a towel that he's using to like wrap himself up and then he's got a drying towel. I was like, harry, this isn't a, a four Seasons. Like, what do you like one towel? Yeah. I was like, dude, I, I can't even like, well, that's, I don't know.
- [43:55]
Turner Sparks
Where your brother lives, but suburban people are, I think, a lot looser with the towels. They got a giant washing machine dryer.
- [44:02]
Jared Freed
Right. I, that it might be a city thing for me. It's, but it's also an alone. I do my own laundry thing for me. Like, I don't want to do. Yeah, 30 towels. Well, I listen, I think this is a fun. This is an awesome premise for a show. I love. You and Phil are both awesome and funny. The perfect representatives for to be answering and fielding these questions. Everyone's got to go check it out. It's called the Black and White Advice podcast. We'll have a link to it in the description of this episode. Turner Sparks. Everyone go follow Turner. He's hilarious. Thank you for doing this. This is Love this. What a fun chit chat Wednesday. Especially as I'm looking towards my international travels.
- [44:40]
Turner Sparks
You're gonna blow these people in Australia away with the.
- [44:42]
Jared Freed
Apparently the old. Well, I tell people to bring their parents too. Like, my whole show is about my parents.
- [44:47]
Turner Sparks
So, like, oh, they'll love it.
- [44:49]
Jared Freed
I, I, I, I just hope they're. Do they have family plans there too? I have a whole bit about the family plan.
- [44:54]
Turner Sparks
Do they probably. I don't know, but I would imagine.
- [44:57]
Jared Freed
I went to Canada. They're like, we don't do family plans here. I was like, oh, okay. I didn't, I mean, if they don't.
- [45:02]
Turner Sparks
One extra sentence, explain.
- [45:04]
Jared Freed
Well, I'm gonna have to get rid of the.
- [45:05]
Turner Sparks
But, but so much of their culture is similar to ours. It's. That's. The other trip out is you go all the way around the world and you're like, I think I'm just in, like, Florida.
- [45:12]
Jared Freed
Well, right. Jordana, my co host for you up, she called it California with an accent. And I was like, that might sound demeaning maybe if you're. You're like, we have, you know, a thing. And I'm like, well, I don't know. I like breakfast. I. It's weird that breakfast is their thing. I think that's a cool. It's a great business decision to be like, we do brekkie and, like, rename it. Make it cool.
- [45:34]
Turner Sparks
Oh, yeah, that's their. They also, I remember just. They had. Shen Yuan was like, coming next week, and I'm like, this group is everywhere. You know that Chinese dance troupe that's just all over the world?
- [45:44]
Jared Freed
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or shin.
- [45:46]
Turner Sparks
Whatever it's called.
- [45:47]
Jared Freed
They do, like. Don't they do, like, the halftimes of basketball games or.
- [45:50]
Turner Sparks
Yeah, they were in Sydney. I'm like, we had them in, like, clean. I was in last week.
- [45:54]
Jared Freed
Yeah, but blue man group does that too. Like those. That's how those shows get, like, make major money. They like.
- [46:00]
Turner Sparks
It's not the same group of people.
- [46:02]
Jared Freed
Yeah, I don't think it's. I don't think the blue guys are the same everywhere they go. But listen, this was great. Everyone go follow Turner. We'll be back next week. Another chit chat Wednesday.
- [46:11]
Turner Sparks
Boom.