← The JTrain Podcast
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- [00:00]
A
Chit Chat Wednesday for you to listen to. I have a guess who will be your new boo. You're gonna love them too. Chit Chat Wednesday. I hope you're having a good day today. I hope it's gonna be a perfect week too. I hope you have a nice poo. It's a Ch. Chat Wednesday too. Welcome to the J Train podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming.
- [00:39]
B
Alive from Delray Beach, Florida.
- [00:42]
A
That's right, every Wednesday is a Chit Chat Wednesday where I sit with a comedian, an expert, a friend. Today we have. Well, you know, maybe we'll get awkward right off the, off the bat. Today we have an expert in, I would say, living his best life, living a good life. I think this is a great way. This guy knows how to live a happy life. Friend, I don't know. We, we hang out on podcast and well, now there's always seems like we get along. Now there's beef. I, I, as I did, as I did the intro, I'm going, you know, we've been talking about hanging out for a long time. And a comedian. So we have two and a of three. John Gabris, thank you for coming on the show.
- [01:33]
B
Oh, please. Thank you for having me. I mean, I, I consider us friends. Until now finding out you're in Delray Beach. Maybe we're not that good of friends. I didn't even know.
- [01:41]
A
I haven't even informed you. I, I moved. My whole life has moved.
- [01:45]
B
I'm sorry.
- [01:45]
A
Yeah, we're not friends.
- [01:46]
B
We're.
- [01:46]
A
We gotta build back up.
- [01:48]
B
I'm wandering around New York City looking for a guy to eat apps with, and I find out you're down in Delray beach eating apps with my great grandma. Your.
- [01:56]
A
Your great grandma knows how to wield a wing. She is good at what she does at table. I like how she eats. But, you know, we.
- [02:05]
B
I can't believe you jumped the gun on this. So my mom, my mom waited till she was like 61 to get her Fort Lauderdale apartment, but you're already, you're making those moves. Why wait 30 years? Pull. Pull the.
- [02:19]
A
Why would I wait? I walked along the beach today. Why would I wait? I actually had that thought today. Why? I should have done it sooner.
- [02:26]
B
I should have.
- [02:28]
A
I should have been one of those idiots who went to college in Florida. Like, like anyone who went to college. Like R.A. rollins College should just say home of the idiot, like, home of the rich idiot. Cause Rollins College is like that school. Do you, do you have that school that you thought of where it's like, oh, that's where someone went to, like, go on vacation for four years. Like, I went to Penn State. I'm not saying that's like Harvard, but I'm just saying, like, when I heard someone went. If someone says, I went to Rollins, I go, okay, okay, cool. Yeah. So you had a. You did nothing. You. You.
- [03:01]
B
I'm so envious of that shit. I went to a dumb little liberal arts school in Poughkeepsie, New York called Marist College. And I didn't even know Marist. I didn't even know that you could go to school, like in Florida or at like, fucking, you know. I remember being like 23 years old, walking through New York City and seeing a football game on tv, college football, and it was University, Hawaii, and going, why the fuck did I go to Marist College? Because my mom didn't want to have to drive more than three hours. I could have went. I was not like a dumb kid. I could have maybe gotten a little money and went down to a college that was near a beach or Girls Pepper Dying University. When you drive past that in la, you're like, what the fuck am I doing in a sh. In waist deep snow?
- [03:42]
A
Right? It's. It's like, are there. And this is kind of has to do with my move to Delray Beach. It's like, there's some people that are just like, seeing through the. Yeah, they're just like, they have like, they have like this vision where they're like, they don't care about what someone would say or, you know, they're not worried about the. The details. They're just like, get me to the beach. The rest will work itself out.
- [04:08]
B
I can relate to that. Now in my old quote unquote old age, as I hit middle age, I'm like, why the fuck am I paying this much for rent in West Hollywood when I'm doing most of my shit on Zoom and I could fucking fly anywhere. Like, it's like, totally.
- [04:25]
A
That's kind of been my. My thought. That's why I did it. I was like, listen, if you think of the. Who are the two most successful comedians alive right now? They live in Nashville and Austin, you know, like, you never would have had that if you thought about it years ago. And, you know, the. It's like probably like everything become probably.
- [04:46]
B
Like 6, 6 out of my, like 10 favorite standups don't live in New York or LA or even Chicago, right? Most of found another city where they're like, well, I tour anyway. Why not? I just need to live near an airport.
- [04:59]
A
That's kind of my thinking. And, you know, you just. I. I was just doing Mailbag Monday. We. This is a daily show. I know you don't know that because we're not friends, you know, fully.
- [05:08]
B
We're not that little friends.
- [05:09]
A
Yeah, no, we're not there. We'll get there maybe one day. Listen, I. I had an email that came in and it will be on next week's Mailbag Monday. And it was all about, like, this. This woman whose guy, you know, ended it, and then he has a girlfriend two weeks later, and she's, like, answering all the questions and is embarrassed about it. And she's like, her question wasn't like, what do I do to get back on my feet. It was. Isn't it a red flag that he has a girlfriend two weeks later? I'm like, cut the shit. Like, you're there, we are. And she's not alone. We're all so concerned with, like, tell me that guy sucks so that everyone knows they suck. And it's like, no one has to tell you, like, you know, if you care about what. It's like this thing of caring what everyone thinks, and we all do.
- [06:01]
B
Yeah.
- [06:01]
A
Of like, you know, because, like, a half of my time is spent, like, explaining why I moved to Florida. And, like, the explanation is, like, it's nice and it's. And I can have a car and I. My parents are here. That's about it. You know, I hope work works out. I. I hope I' successful still. But, like, you know, I'm willing to do this. Everything's workflow.
- [06:23]
B
Well, also, it's like, what level of work do you need if you're not paying New York rent all of a sudden, it changes how much fucking, like, money one actually needs to survive. You know what I mean? And when you. It's like, as you get older and figure out what your priorities are, and they aren't necessarily like, Also, look, I'm 20. Fucking 20 years into the comedy game. I don't think it's happening like, the million. The million dollar job. I don't think it. I don't think it starts happening in your 50s. So I'm. I'm totally. I'm happy with where I'm at. But there is something to the degree of, like, well, how can I, like, make this work for me even more? And I.
- [06:58]
A
Did you see that? I got mad for you over Twitter. I got. I took to Twitter in your honor because.
- [07:06]
B
Wait, what was this?
- [07:07]
A
I. I got mad for you and I. You have been my example. You brought up like, you're like, I'm not gonna get the million dollar job. I think you are. Okay, so I think this is the year of John Gabris. I am.
- [07:20]
B
This is the one. It's about time.
- [07:22]
A
This is the year I got. This is the year I actually, I think this is it because you are so funny and you do acting and you do improv. You're like classic in a way that's not that classic. Like, you know, like, I'm a classic.
- [07:38]
B
Of like the 90s and arts.
- [07:40]
A
Yes, you are 90s classic to me. And I watched. I don't take this as an insult. I hope not. Even though we're not friends, I hope this doesn't make us worse friends. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Get your day started the right way with Factor. Factor's chef prep meals make it easy to eat healthy. You can enjoy hot, delicious meals in just two minutes. Factor offers 100 rotating weekly meals. Always fresh, never frozen. I am a huge fan of factories. I've had it. It is delicious. Here's the thing about Factor. It is portioned correctly so many times when you're trying to be healthy. It's about portion control. And Factor is going to have the right amount of food for you. Also creativity factor 100 rotating weekly meals. You've got three moves when it comes to being healthy. You got egg whites in the morning, you got grilled chicken, and you got maybe a salad or salmon. That's it. They're going to have a hundred rotating weekly meals. Come on, enjoy. Factor's ready to eat salads or check out Factor's new variety of GLP1 friendly meals. 97 of customers say Factor help them live a healthier lifestyle. Head to factor meals.com jtrain50off. Use code jtrain50off to get 50 off your first factor box. Plus free breakfast for one year offer only valid for new Factor customers with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase. Make healthier eating easy.
- [09:16]
B
With Factor, Nothing could it. Nothing could bottom us out.
- [09:21]
A
Yeah, this will. This will end it. This will make us so you don't come onto my podcast ever again. Did you get mad watching Happy Gilmore too?
- [09:28]
B
Yeah, like, well, the thing that really bothered me two times in my life, did someone say, like, oh, yeah, everybody in comedy is in blank. And it was the history of the world reboot and the. And happy Gilmore 2. Two things that I didn't even get an email about. I was just like, oh, I thought I'd be On the everyone in comedy email list at least. But I am not.
- [09:50]
A
I mean, when they do the top thousand comics of all that are touring today, I'm like, at. I'm literally at the Funny Bone in Des Moines. I'm like, I guess this isn't happening. I guess I don't.
- [10:02]
B
Yeah.
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A
You know, the most positive I can be is like, I guess I'm a thousand and one.
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B
You know, I gotta be right below the thousand.
- [10:10]
A
Right? So, Gabrius, I watched Happy. So you were mad because you're like, every comedian is in this, and everyone says that to you.
- [10:18]
B
Yeah, well, and I'm also. I was also a touch mad that a property that I loved growing up is now, like, was bad. Was not as funny as.
- [10:26]
A
It sucked. It sucked. I'll say it. No offense to the Sandman, but listen, I. I think we all, like, worry, like, about saying things freely because you're like, in your dreams. You're like, I meet Adam Sandler. And then somebody on the Internet goes, and here's a clip of Jared saying, happy Gilmore, too, sucked. That's how delusional I am.
- [10:48]
B
But I'm gonna think if he's. If he's just like, how dare you say that about helping more, too? Like, then you're in. Like. I'm like, all right, well, I don't under. I liked you in J. Kelly more Sandman. Like, you were better in Jacob.
- [11:01]
A
I heard he was. I actually heard he was really good at it.
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B
He is pretty damn fucking good.
- [11:06]
A
But I watched Happy Gilmore 2, and you are who I thought of. I go, where the fuck is John Gabris in this movie? Where the fuck is. And I'm, like, sitting there going, he should be in this movie. And then I'm watching. I have a good example of why it was so infuriating. There's a scene where Happy Gilmore, his caddy is Bad Bunny. Who's playing his caddy?
- [11:34]
B
Who. And then who maybe is the funniest person in the movie, which is, like.
- [11:38]
A
Not saying I know.
- [11:39]
B
Which is an indictment of almost everybody else, that the guy whose English is his second language and comedy isn't even his thing, is doing better than everybody crushing it.
- [11:48]
A
Well, there's a scene where Bad Bunny's cousin shows up, and it's Marcelo. Marcelo.
- [11:56]
B
Yeah. Yeah.
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A
So it's Marcelo from Saturday Live, who, you know, I've met in Pat. You know, I know Marcel a little bit. He should have. Marcelo should have been the caddy.
- [12:06]
B
Yes.
- [12:06]
A
Why was. Why was the special guest dropping a major funny guy and Then the comedian is this, like, one line part.
- [12:18]
B
And then I'm like, stunt casting shit. Drives me fucking crazy. It's like a chance for comedy people to make a. Like, back in the day, like, I always use 40 old virgin. Having Jonah Hill come in at the end to buy those boots off Mary Steenburge. And it's like Apatow fucking soft launches. Fucking Jonah Hill in this moment. But also, he's a guy who could be really funny for one scene in a movie. And people used to get that. Now that one scene would just go to, like, look who we got. It's fucking Billie Eilish. You know, and it's like. And it's supposed to be cool because it's a crate. Like, a huge stunt casting. But it's like, no, that. That could have been. I have one. We, between the two of us, we know a thousand people who could handle one comedy scene.
- [12:57]
A
And you're being kind by saying it's anyone else but you. I am saying it should be you here.
- [13:02]
B
Yeah. So I. I would love for it to be me. No.
- [13:04]
A
Well, because. Well, this is the. I'm an economics major in college. I didn't go to Marist and talk about my feelings for four years.
- [13:11]
B
Okay. I went radio, tv, film. I'm old enough that radio was in my major. And then, weirdly enough, it's the part of my major I use the most now in my career. I'm practically a radio personality again.
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A
I was a blacksmith major, and then I became. I minored in tollbooth worker.
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B
And I guess that and all these careers are just fucking dying on me.
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A
Gone. So. But I. I watched it, and I'm like, you know, from an econ perspective, okay? If the thinking is that, like, you know, that Bad Bunny will get you a viewer, you never would have gotten, like, I get it. But In Happy Gilmore 2, I think you're gonna get all the viewers. Like, I think, like, I don't think, like, someone's TIA is watching for Bad Bunny. Like, I think, like, Happy Gilmore 2 gets you the viewers. Adam Sandler gets you the viewers. So now let's fill it up with the funniest people alive. And they didn't fucking do that. Instead, I have to watch Travis Kelce try to act. And guess what? It's harder than a podcast.
- [14:27]
B
It's a touch harder. Just a touch. Stand up is. I love hearing from people. I. You know, I meet so many normies, and they're like, who are your favorite standups?
- [14:36]
A
Or whatever.
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B
And I'll, like, mention the people I dig. And they're like, yeah, I saw so and so insert stand up. Com Comedian, popular for their pot, known for their podcast.
- [14:45]
A
Right.
- [14:45]
B
And it wasn't as good as the clips of their pod. Yeah. I'm like, no, the 90 second clips. That's them. And another funny co host riffing together manages to be a little better than their hour of stand up. Yeah, that happens, people.
- [14:59]
A
Yeah. It just. And I think of you a lot because I was like, man, that, that you're right. That Jonah Hill one minute scene where he's just trying to get fish boots or whatever the fuck they were.
- [15:11]
B
Yeah.
- [15:12]
A
Why?
- [15:13]
B
Why Big Bunny? Like, he's bigger than the movie. He doesn't need it. He's doing it for fun. And then it's like stunt casting. And maybe that's what gets. But like, that's the kind of shit that unfortunately works now on Netflix is like, who's this bad, Bad Bunny character? It's like that movie should have been like the launch point for another 30 people that we all love. Like, right.
- [15:33]
A
And would have made people happier. Like, not being as happy. Like, the audience isn't even as happy as they could be. And they don't even know what's good anymore. Like, the bad guy was a golfer. The guy who played the bad guy was a golfer because he looked like his former caddy from the first movie. And everyone thought that was hilarious. Like, it's crazy.
- [15:53]
B
Yeah, that, that, that's infuriating. Now I used to give like Sandman used to get credit. Like, we're fine. If you're not gonna launch anyone new, at least you're casting all of your friends. So if this was all the. If this was The Grown Ups 6, the Grown Ups averse or whatever, fine. Like, I love that you. You're getting all your friends paid. But this is.
- [16:12]
A
Right. It's like again, you go to economics. It makes sense to me. This may. This defies capital. Yes. Yeah. You know, you go exactly like I. Yeah. So how are you now that we're done complaining?
- [16:27]
B
Oh, I. I highly doubt you're done complaining.
- [16:31]
A
I got a few more complaints in my. I got some. A few more to go. What's going on? What have you eaten lately?
- [16:37]
B
I was just spent two weeks in Mexico, so I ate an insane amount of tacos and laudas and I was down in like area in Oaxaca, Mexico, and it was fucking awesome.
- [16:46]
A
What did you. What two weeks? What does one do for two weeks? Who are you with? What's the plan?
- [16:51]
B
I went for a surf And Spanish program and I studied for two weeks at like a school where we surfed four days a week and I had two Spanish classes a day. I was in full, like, full blown, like midlife crisis retreat trip. It was.
- [17:03]
A
That is the most LA four year.
- [17:06]
B
Old thing I've ever heard. Most middle aged. Thank you for saying 40. It is 40. I'll be 44 in two weeks or whatever. Oh, my God, you're old. I know. Dude, you're telling me, bro. I know, I know.
- [17:19]
A
It's just you.
- [17:21]
B
Yeah, I just went fucking, you know. You know, sometimes you got to go on like a sojourn and find yourself again.
- [17:26]
A
I'm realizing more and more how not friends we are. So you go on your own to.
- [17:32]
B
Yeah, to discover myself. Well, I've been studying Spanish for a couple of years, so this was like my immersive, like, big final exam.
- [17:41]
A
What makes you want to turn out Spanish?
- [17:44]
B
I start learning because I spoke it a little bit as a kid due to like my childhood's best friend's family all being Cuban and Ecuadorian. And now like in my older age, in the pandemic, I hear that it's good for your brain to like try to learn a new. And I'm like, oh, that'd be kind of fun. And I love to travel and I love beaches and I love Central America, South America. So I was like, oh, I'll start learning. And then I started learning again. I'm like. I went on like a 10 day trip to Cartagena for my cousin's wedding and I like officiated the ceremony in English and Spanish. And then I was like talking to. And I was like, oh, I'm enjoying this trip so much more having been able to speak a little bit of Spanish. And I'm like, fuck it, I'm going for it. I want to be bilingual. And I've been working my ass off for a couple of years. Yeah, this is what I have like a private tutor and shit. I'm really getting after it, you know, this is. This is my moving to Florida.
- [18:29]
A
Yeah, that's. Yeah. Because I. These are the things I'm starting to hear from people where it's like, I'm kind of right now at the store browsing things I want to do to get off my phone.
- [18:43]
B
Yes. Now, dude, what a fucking great way to say. I was saying that, like, I feel a lot of people my age are who are now either like parents or not parents or know a little bit more what the next 20 years of their life looks like. Are going back to their 20s and being like, what made me happy in my 20s, right? Oh yeah. More Muay Thai kickboxing. Oh, sewing.
- [19:03]
A
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- [20:34]
B
Like picking up these hobbies that you had like when you were younger. Just like feel alive again. You just feel like, like, oh Well, I spent 20 years busting my ass in the rat race that is my career and I'm not that far far. So. Well, what can I do? What can I do to add some.
- [20:48]
A
Other shit in here?
- [20:49]
B
Yeah, right. I can like focus a touch less on work and probably still move the needle just as much. So a lot of people are like going back to like supporting sports teams and shit. Like I, you see it a lot. And for me that was Spanish. And being off your phone is so key to it too where you're like, all you need is like 28 TikToks in a row of people being like, learning language is actually good for you. And you're like, should I stop watching these clips and start just doing the thing? Like I watch so much fitness shit That I don't ever take into account where I'm like, yeah, I should do the lymphatic fucking shakeout every morning or whatever. And then I don't do it. But I'm like, I've now watched 80 minutes of this. If I would have just spread this out over my month, I would have exper. I would have experienced what they're talking about.
- [21:30]
A
Right? I did the golf move, and that's been fun and nice, but golf tends to, like. I don't know, golf takes up so much time. It is like.
- [21:42]
B
Golf is like dungeon dragons for dads, where you need to have, like, like 12 hours a month to really dedicate time.
- [21:49]
A
I mean, my dad was like, are you coming tonight to his play? Because my parents live, like, 25 minutes away, and they were like, and it's kind of like, are you gonna come and play? And I'm like, if I go at 4 o' clock and play, like, I'm like, giving up on everything else. Like, like I'm not doing anything entire day. Yeah, Like, I, I, I can't really get, you know, I don't know. I, I, I, I do this with TV too.
- [22:13]
B
Right? Getting into golf without a family is funny because it does seem like the main excuse is to be, like, on sorry, hon, on Saturday, I have to leave the house for six hours. You handle the house. You handle everything. I just need to get. So when you're, like, single or, like, you know, without kids, it's like, wait, what's the point of golf? Like, I don't get it.
- [22:31]
A
I went golfing. So I had shows in San Diego, and then I went to Torrey Pines, which is like a famous municipality public golf course that costs a lot of money to get on. I stayed on the golf course, and I was on the course with two guys that were there on their baby moons.
- [22:49]
B
And it's like, wait, dudes can have baby moons?
- [22:52]
A
I was like, I didn't know this was even, like, on the menu for things you're allowed to do.
- [23:00]
B
I rarely say this phrase, but what the fuck? Patriarchy. That's fucking crazy that I hashtag believe women. That's a problem for those that are Patreon subscribers.
- [23:14]
A
I'll tell the full story then, because I was gonna, like, talk about. But I'm happy to talk about with you because I'm happy you find it like, me with no kid, no marriage. I go, I guess that's what you do. Like, I thought a baby moon was like, the husband massaging the stomach on a beach.
- [23:31]
B
For the mom, right? The mom is about to be a fucking split in half and then, like, a feeding machine for nine months. So she deserves, like, a weekend with, like, a spa treatment and to lay by the pool and. And you to fetch your fucking juices that don't have. That are pasteurized enough that a pregnant woman could drink them or whatever. And instead these dudes are like, yeah, well, I had to get away with the boys for one last weekend before I have to get two weeks of paternity leave and go back to work and leave my wife at home fucking stressed to the gills all day long. Like, that's so fucking crazy.
- [24:03]
A
Well, they were there, the wives were there. But, like, and then they.
- [24:06]
B
They're not even spending time, right?
- [24:08]
A
Like, it was like, all of it. Like, you know, it's funny. Like, I, I. You know, I think men with no kids are kind of like a. A. A guy with kids. Worst nightmare. Because, yeah, we're kind of the bar of like, you. You do what? Like, that doesn't seem so bad. Like, they don't want to hear us say how, like, we're just like, the mouth of babes kind of.
- [24:30]
B
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. Nothing makes a person with kids more threatened than someone their age without kids going, like, yeah, well, I'm in Mexico for two weeks alone. They're like, wait, what? Then I'm like, I know.
- [24:43]
A
I was on a text chain with two friends who were just. They just got through the whole Christmas holiday with kids, and they were like, they're like, this month, I'm like, I feel refreshed. I am ready to go back to work. I'm ready to do some more podcasts and get creative. My friends are like, oh, my God, I just got done with a month of kids, and they're finally back in school, and I need. And I'm like, oh, I guess we had different months.
- [25:09]
B
Well, you forget, like, I guess, like, the context that we're discussing, which I find very interesting, is when. When we're on vacation or we're on break, you can really have a break. But, like, I think some people's lives are more stressful during the holidays because, like, their kids, they don't have school for where they could. Like, where work is, like, less stressful than your house is like, dude, that.
- [25:32]
A
Was, like, the reveal of the pandemic. People were like, I. Like, when the schools didn't. I'm like, oh, I guess it would be annoying to have me as a kid around. I guess. Like, I have this thought of, like, when I was a kid. I was like, I was, I was bothering someone. Like me being home.
- [25:48]
B
Yeah. Oh. See, I had the kind of parents to let you know that I guess.
- [25:53]
A
I was a. Yeah, well, yeah. I didn't hear anything. They're like, jared. Oh, here for the. The week. Oh, thank goodness. Yeah, right?
- [26:02]
B
Yeah. Now my mom would kill to have me two weeks in her house with her fucking just bothering her with my life, you know, my helping her turn the TV on and off like every fucking day. You have prime. Do you know how do you put on the prime? Nancy says there's all kinds of good programs on the part on the prime. I got to get on the Prime. Do you. Can I use your prime login? You have prime, right? You order stuff from Amazon. She's like, huh? I'm like, so you have prime? She's like, well, I can't get it on the computer. I'm like, I don't know what to tell you.
- [26:31]
A
I mean, this is the story of my life. I go to my parents house. My mom was like, get me into Hulu. And then I try to get her into Hulu and she starts going, he can't do anything. That was her. She screamed it at the heavens that I can't do anything.
- [26:48]
B
We have a big running joke in my family. My mom famously called my brother who lives in the town my mom lives in and says, justin, how do I know if my television is on? And my brother goes, is there, is there anything on the screen right now? She's like, no. And he's like, well, then it's probably off. She goes like, but it seems like it's on. My brother's like, I. I cannot even begin to wrap my head around how to explain this to you. Like, what do you mean, push the on button? Does it change?
- [27:17]
A
Do it again.
- [27:18]
B
Yeah, right, exactly. Now push it again. What has happened? Explain. And I'm like, oh, dude, I. I can't be home. I can't be dealing with that.
- [27:28]
A
Are you. Do you ever want to come back? East Coast? Do you ever want to come back?
- [27:32]
B
I've, like, I've toyed with it before. Like, oh, it'd be so fun to like live on Long island for like one summer and do like that beach summer. I also. Midlife crisis. Like, best job I ever had was a Jones beach lifeguard. You know, I've considered, let's go back, take the test, dust off the old Speedo, see if I could get back in the sand. And then like, I'll go home for like Four days for my brother's wedding and like stay with my mom and go. Like, I would fucking kill myself if I lived here. Maybe a half hour away from my parents. Like my mom, I could do, like, I would need some sort of buffer, but it would be crazy, like, because I was like, oh, I'll just live with my mom for a summer, put my shit in storage. We can save a bunch of money or whatever. Spent three days there and I was like, no, I don't care. I'll pay fucking LA rent. I'll pay. I'll move to fucking. In an Echo Echo park condo. I'll move to the most expensive thing in LA before I move in with my mom again.
- [28:23]
A
It actually, I mean, now I hate to come back to it. It sounds like what you need most of all is Florida.
- [28:30]
B
Yeah, you, you know, I'm not gonna lie.
- [28:32]
A
A beach guy.
- [28:33]
B
I mean, I'm an absolute beach guy.
- [28:36]
A
You're a water, you're a water guy. I, I see your Instagram post. You love the ocean.
- [28:42]
B
Agreed. Trust me. Florida speaks to me. Florida speaks.
- [28:46]
A
Florida, year round lifeguard job.
- [28:50]
B
Florida, much like everything else in my life that I like, is ruined by the other people who like it.
- [28:56]
A
Right?
- [28:56]
B
Present company excluded. Yeah. Dave Matthews man theory. Yeah, seriously. Comic books, bro cinema, like all the that I like is ruined by the loudest few, you know?
- [29:08]
A
Right.
- [29:08]
B
Like, you know, I just want to like, trump, like, why does everyone got to make it so crazy? But Florida is that thing too, where I'm like, I love Florida and I go to Fort Lauderdale, visit my mom, and I'm like, oh, this rips the beach. The fucking Happy hour with $3 beers and $4 fried conch fritters. I'm like, this is the fucking dream. And then you interact with like three people at the Hard Rock Casino and you're like, I should get the fuck out of this town asap. That is like my heart. I'm too gay for this town. You straight, man? Yeah, yeah, exactly. I always joke that I'm. I'm the straightest guy in my friend group and the gayest guy in my family. I'm just hilarious.
- [29:48]
A
I mean, that is kind of like the, the attitude I've had here is I stay way more quiet here in public spaces than I would in New York.
- [30:00]
B
I'm trying to visualize you staying quiet and it's really difficult.
- [30:03]
A
It is hard. It's difficult. It's pretty loud still.
- [30:09]
B
I would imagine it's not a church mouse or a synagogue mouse over.
- [30:13]
A
But I'm At. If I'm at a bar and someone starts talking to me, I'm in. That's a podcast. I'm listening. I am.
- [30:21]
B
Yeah, yeah.
- [30:21]
A
If a guy sits next to me at a bar here and is like, so what's the talent? Like, here I go into straight up. Let's hear what this guy's got to say, because he just referred to women as talent, and I need to hear everything he's going to say from Jeff now on you.
- [30:39]
B
You have a little bit of. We have a lot in common. And one of those things is we have the kind of face that lets you just like, I bet you this guy agrees with me, like, the. The worst people in the world. Like, look at the ass on that bartender. I'm like, bro, I think she's like 17, you know, like. But like, yeah, like, I just have the face where someone's like, right. Don't you think that we have too many Vietnamese people in this town? I'm like, whoa, what the, man?
- [31:05]
A
I don't agree with you. I just look in the mirror.
- [31:09]
B
Yeah, Yeah, I just. I have racist face, I guess.
- [31:12]
A
Well, you do have I'd like to eat appetizers face that I with.
- [31:18]
B
Indeed.
- [31:18]
A
Not to transition into something totally different. But I have sent you. I. I want to play a game with you, John Gamers before we go, and I want everyone to go listen to Staying Alive show. You do it with Adam Paley. What's a Staying Alive show? What's the. What's the premise here?
- [31:34]
B
It's a health and wellness podcast hosted by the unhealthy and unwell. Me and Adam Pally go, like, fucked up. Yeah, same shit, different toilet. Me and Adam host, like, different comedians. Turns out. And you're familiar with this, too, Once you get a certain age, you stop talking about comedy, and all you talk about is like, hey, are you on fish oil? Do I need statins? Like, hey, where do you get your micro greens? So we just kind of fucking threw that into a podcast. We talked to some health professionals, but a lot of comedians about what they're doing. We ask one question per episode and is, what are you doing to stay alive? And the rest of the time, it's just bullshit. But it's been a lot of fun New Year's episode. We had Cody Rigsby from Peloton on, and that was like a kind of minor celebrity for us to get involved with. Cody's great, but, yeah, he's a fucking great guy. But, yeah, check it out.
- [32:21]
A
Wherever you get podcasts, we had Cody on you up. And then we had Adam on you up. And we were told before he got there that he was sober, and we were like. And we're. We're dancing around it, and, like, we. But he came in, looked. Looking more hungover than I've ever seen someone. So he might have just been so.
- [32:45]
B
Drunk the night before that he decided he was sober for that day.
- [32:48]
A
No, because as far as I know, no, he's not sober because someone made a mistake and told us he was sober. And then he comes. So we're like. He comes in, he's like, I'm so hungover. And we're like, do we not say anything? Is this, like, a Hollywood thing where he, like, plays sober? Like, we had no idea how to play it. So the whole podcast, we're like, so living your best life. Like, we're, like, kind of, like, tiptoeing around him, and he's like, oh, my God, does anyone have any. Have a beer, like, and we're like. He's like. Like, we thought we were witnessing his fall off the wagon, and it was just like a. You know, he's like, I'm not. So he was like, I'm not. What are you talking about? We're like, oh, my God. We. We were so worried. We were a part of his, like, you know, fall from grace that it was, like, nice to hear that he wasn't sober, but it. All right, so here's the game I want to play with you. I sent you a menu for Hillstone in New York City.
- [33:52]
B
You and I already love this game.
- [33:55]
A
You and I are going to have drinks and dinner. I say Gabrius. You order, I'll pay.
- [34:06]
B
Oh, oh, oh.
- [34:09]
A
Take a look at the menu. We will share the menu in the description of the episode, so you can play along. You can choose. Let's call it five items between us two.
- [34:22]
B
Oh, hell, yeah, I got it. I don't know Hillstone well, but I do like this menu already, so.
- [34:30]
A
It's a great menu. There's a sushi section. There's first, there's salads. There's entrees. There's USDA prime steaks, vegetables, and sides, and then a key lime pie. What are you doing for us? I'll give you five items. There are right and wrong answers.
- [34:52]
B
Yeah, I figured. All right, so I'm gonna work backwards from the end of the meal, because you just saying key lime pie there, I think was a little bit of a clue, but also one of the few desserts I truly love. So I'm not a dessert guy, but I fucking love key lime pie. Okay, working backwards from key lime pie, we gotta get ourselves an entree to split. And I'm thinking we're going prime steaks, we're going the Hawaiian because I've never heard of this.
- [35:22]
A
Right. Good reason.
- [35:24]
B
I'm pitching medium rare because I'm a rare guy. But I understand if I'm going splitties, I won't go above medium, but we'll go medium rare.
- [35:31]
A
You are a. You are a generous dictator. Okay, good.
- [35:36]
B
No, I can maduro here. Oh, perfect timing to get that cracking. We're gonna have to go. We're gonna have to go with a. A salad, of course.
- [35:48]
A
Okay.
- [35:49]
B
But that's. I think we're gonna go steakhouse salad style and go traditional salad, which looks. Reads like a wedge egg, bacon croutons. Wow. Dressings. A toss up here. Buttermilk, garlic mustard, honey or thousand Island. Not vinaigrette, obviously. And then I guess because we're going steakhouse style, I feel like a chilled jumbo shrimp might be the move there. Now, there is such a good sushi menu that it's hard not to pick from, but they've got something listed here that I've never heard of. Grilled California artichokes served with remoulade. And it's got limited availability written there. And that's kind of the kind of thing that. That's the sort of thing that draws my eye. And I go, well, I guess if we're at Hillstone, you know, I'm a when in Rome guy. Do as the Romans do. And I'm here at Hillstone, I'm seeing something like this Hawaiian steak with a pineapple soy ginger marinade. I've never seen something like that. So I'm gonna grab that, and then I think I gotta go with these grilled California artichokes. Now grilled veggies and a salad for apps. I feel like maybe I'm stepping on my own dick here a little bit.
- [36:53]
A
Because, Devil, your family would call you gay.
- [36:56]
B
Yeah, yeah, my family would call me gay. My cardiologist would call me to say thank you.
- [37:00]
A
And.
- [37:03]
B
I guess, you know. Oh, fuck. Yeah. So jumbo shrimp, grilled artichokes, Hawaiian steak, and key lime pie. Definites. I might just have to bump traditional salad off there. Count our artichokes as the salad and throw in them deviled eggs, because I'm a big deviled eggs guy as well. And you tell me it's got picnic style with grandma dings pickle Relish. You tell me Grandma Ding makes her own pickle relish, then I'm in. And I don't know if that's offensive or not, but I'm. I'm here for.
- [37:32]
A
I just like reading the words grandma Ding's pickle relish. I love. I just love the sentence I, I. You did. You know what I love about talking a menu with someone is you learn about them. And I gotta say, it's better than.
- [37:47]
B
A horoscope, I think.
- [37:49]
A
No, this is me reading your palm. This was me going, wow, John Gabris is a sharer. John Gabrius is thoughtful. Because the direction you went, you actually went a direction that I didn't see coming. You went, steakhouse bros. Like, that's the theme of this. You had a theme.
- [38:09]
B
Yeah.
- [38:10]
A
Which I really appreciate.
- [38:11]
B
Yeah.
- [38:11]
A
Because I looked at this menu, I saw a totally different thing. You saw two guys getting together, cold martini, big steak, talking about life. That's how you saw it. And I appreciate that, because I didn't see it that way at all. I didn't even think steak.
- [38:30]
B
Whoa. Okay. Yeah. I worked backwards from steak. Once I saw that Hawaiian steak, I, I, I could sit down and probably get five sushi rolls and.
- [38:38]
A
But that's the thing. Your order, I'm game for. I would actually be sitting with you going, never saw that. This is like a magic eye where you crossed your eyes one way and saw one thing, and I see another thing, because my order, like, I never saw this as a steakhouse for two. But the fact that you did it, I would go, I love the order. I love it. Here's how I would have worked it. If you go to Hillstone and you don't get the spinach and artichoke dip, did you really go to Hillstone at all?
- [39:10]
B
Okay. That's something I should. I see. I'm not a Hillstone.
- [39:13]
A
I'm a aficionado. You know? Well, I know Hillstone a little bit. You got to get this. I would go spinach and artichoke dip, but what you said about the grilled California artichokes, when I see something like that on a menu, I go, well, it's here. Limited availability. Limited availability. You and I are the same. I see that. Yeah, we gotta. We got to do it. We could miss this. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
- [39:34]
B
If I'm eat a hailstone once, and then I'm going to tell somebody about it, and they go, oh, did you have the grilled artichokes? And I got to go, no, I didn't. They'd be like, you idiot. That's. That's Manchester by the sea. I grabbed the cops gun, put it right to my head, Blow my head off.
- [39:51]
A
You're right. I wouldn't be able to deal with the feedback.
- [39:53]
B
You didn't get them. Like, that's my biggest fear. My biggest fear in life is saying, wait, you went to this restaurant one time and didn't have the thing that everybody likes. From there, I'm gone. Could take away my belt and shoelaces.
- [40:06]
A
Absolutely. Them doing this face where they put their hand up to their. Their, Their. Their.
- [40:11]
B
Their temple.
- [40:12]
A
Their forehead. Their temple. And they go. They look like they're reading a different language. Yeah, no, I, I'm with you.
- [40:19]
B
So I think I can't do that.
- [40:21]
A
Yeah, I. I was gonna go grilled California artichokes, spinach and artichoke dip. We're doubling up on my artichokes. I was gonna get the Osaka style pressed sushi, which is a sashimi tuna stacked with avocado spicy tuna. That gets us the spicy tuna element. I was gonna go with fry. Well done. And then I was gonna also get the coconut shrimp roll.
- [40:45]
B
Okay, now that sounds fucking awesome. Now your theme almost seems like the meme hashtag girl lunch. And I think, like, and I would be equally happy to sit down for girl lunch with you and just say to each other, life is about this and yap. This and yap.
- [41:04]
A
You're right. You're right.
- [41:06]
B
There were two yap. With your boy Jared in Del Rey. Let's go.
- [41:10]
A
You nailed it. Because that's why I was so shocked. I was like, my order's the only order. And you saw a direction. You're like, no, we can get there from this angle. And you.
- [41:21]
B
I've been told I have court vision. I'm not necessarily a great player, but I see the whole. I see the whole game.
- [41:27]
A
I'm. I'm sitting here with Steve Nash. I had no idea.
- [41:32]
B
Thank you.
- [41:33]
A
John Gabris, thank you for coming on the show. Always a pleasure to see you. We need to hang out. We say this every time, but I, I truly.
- [41:40]
B
How far is Delray from Fort Lauderdale? Is it like a 40 hour drive?
- [41:44]
A
40 minutes.
- [41:45]
B
Okay. Next time I visit my mom, we're.
- [41:49]
A
Meeting up for some coconut California artichokes. Osaka roll, soccer roll. Ready to go. Everyone go. Follow John Gabrius at John Gabrius on all the socials or at Gabrius at Gabriel on all the socials. And I'm Jared Freed. It is a chit chat Wednesday, back next week, boom.