Green Room Hang Gone Wrong with Dan Soder - CHIT CHAT WEDNESDAY - The JTrain Podcast with Jared Freid

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Green Room Hang Gone Wrong with Dan Soder"

The JTrain Podcast with Jared Freid
Date: August 27, 2025
Guest: Dan Soder
Episode Type: Chit Chat Wednesday

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Episode Overview

This lively episode of The JTrain Podcast features comedian Dan Soder, diving deep into the realities of life as a touring comic, green room etiquette, body image insecurities, and the often hilarious (and occasionally painful) dynamics of the comedy world. The conversation is punctuated by stories from the road, playful debates, and a spirited "Green Room Hang" game where Soder chooses between less-than-ideal green room companions. Together, Soder and Freid offer listeners an authentic, behind-the-scenes peek into the comedy grind, packed with humor, insight, and candor.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter and Body Image (00:54 – 12:00)

• Ranch vs. Vinaigrette: Dan jokes about his expertise in ranch dressing, leading to a riff on blue cheese’s dangers and their respective food preferences.
• Body Insecurities: Both comics openly discuss how they view their own bodies. Jared compliments Dan's "functional" physique, which Dan downplays by referencing his own self-image as a “lanky, older, fat guy.”
  • Soder on stretching: “I'm tall, so the things that have started to suck are my knees and my hips... I have to do an elaborate hip stretch in the morning—like a dog with dysplasia.” (06:47)
  • Fashion & Physique: The two theorize how different men would appear if everyone wore pants at their actual hip height, suggesting it would change social perceptions.
• Envy and Ideal Body Types: Both agree that the “stringy” soccer player physique is most enviable.
  • “Soccer player is ideal... I go soccer player number one.” – Dan Soder (10:49)
• Undercover Good Bodies: Stories of comedians like Joe Pera and Mark Normand surprising everyone when shirtless, and the difference between being ripped versus just fit.

2. Careers, Road Life & Green Room Dynamics (12:00 – 26:00)

• Moving from New York: Jared explains his move to Florida, emphasizing that geographic location isn't as significant as people think in a comedy career.
  • “The people doing best realize they're wearing a VR headset and there’s no chance of falling.” – Jared Freid (04:08)
• Soder’s Tour: Dan discusses his upcoming "Golden Retriever of Comedy" theater tour and the excitement of performing at legendary venues (e.g., Rialto Theater in Tucson).
• Group Chat Guy: The two laugh about the archetype of the negative fan in sports chats, always wanting to fire the coach but never having a real replacement in mind.
  • Soder: “Every time we’re losing, he texts, 'fire Kyle.' And I immediately go, ‘Who the f*** do you plan on replacing him with?’” (15:20)
• Green Room Culture: They explain the unspoken hierarchy and etiquette in comedy green rooms, emphasizing politeness and the subtle pecking orders.
  • “Big dog's gonna eat. Big dog's gonna tell you what walkout song he’s going up to first.” – Dan Soder (26:13)

3. Food, Rituals, and the Road (16:00 – 24:56)

• Dan’s Green Room Rider: His requests are simple: bottled water, iced coffee, Reese’s miniature cups, apples, bananas, and Sun Chips (especially cheddar and garden salsa).
• Subway & Food Memories: Both reminisce about classic broke comic meals—Subway footlongs split across two meals and the indelible branding of Sun Chips with Subway.
• Tuna Sandwich Division: Dan discusses how his fiancé bans tuna at home, so he enjoys it as a road treat. Jared shares his father's disappointment in his sons not eating tuna.

4. The Joy of Simple Pleasures on the Road

• Favorite Road Moments: Soder describes a blissful Portland, Maine weekend: great breakfast, a joint in the park, gaming, a nap, and a perfect night of shows.
  • “This isn’t a job. This is so fun.” – Dan Soder (23:54)
• Sleep Routines: The pair reflect on the elite nature of vacation and road naps after a shower and clean sheets.

5. Game Segment: "Green Room Hang" (25:00 – 48:00)

Premise: Jared offers Soder tough hypothetical choices about which type of person to hang with in a green room, drawing on real-life comedy archetypes.

Key Dilemmas & Soder’s Choices:

• Excited New Comic vs. Bitter Older Comic
  Soder quickly chooses the excited newcomer:
  • “You want the excitement and the love of comedy radiating off them—not the, ‘I didn’t end up where I wanted.’” (28:15)
• Tiktoker With Huge Following vs. Local Opener Who Isn’t Familiar With Soder's Stuff
  Soder leans toward the TikToker, seeing their presence as a manageable, ego-driven issue, while resenting the hacky, arrogant local who kills with lazy, town-specific jokes.
  • “If you’re killing with hacky shit and you’re unaware, it tells me you lack self-awareness.” (37:20)
• Unreliable Green Room Waiter vs. Show-Length-Obsessed Manager
  Soder prefers the unreliable waiter:
  • “I can live without them; the manager up in my business is way worse.” (39:41)
• Opener With a Supposedly Similar Joke (Never Reveals It) vs. Opener Who Lifts Topics From Green Room Conversation Into Their Act
  Soder despises the second type, recalling experiences where openers shamelessly repeat premises discussed off-stage.
  • “There’s no Geneva Convention for them, no decency.” (46:22)

6. Comedy’s Supreme Court and Green Room Legends (46:41 – End)

• Jared and Dan riff on who would sit on an imaginary "comedy Supreme Court," compiling a dream panel of respected comedic voices and including both liberal and conservative perspectives:
  • Colin Quinn, Dave Attell, Maria Bamford, Joe Rogan, Mark Maron, Patton Oswalt, Ms. Pat, Keith Robinson, Lori Kilmartin
  • Others considered: Jim Norton, Judy Gold, Jeff Foxworthy, Ron White, Roy Wood Jr.
• They reminisce about legendary hangouts at the Comedy Cellar where comics would jokingly “kick people out of comedy.”
  • “Keith would do this thing... we'd say their name and he'd be like, ‘And you are OUT of here, dude.’” – Dan Soder (50:06)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On comedy career perspective:
  “The people doing best realize they’re wearing a VR headset and there's no chance of falling.” – Jared Freid (04:08)

• On green room etiquette:
  “Big dog's gonna eat. Big dog's gonna tell you what walkout song he's going up to first.” – Dan Soder (26:13)

• Sports fan logic:
  “Who would we hire? Like, you say the same thing every year multiple times and you never once have an answer.” – Dan Soder (15:57)

• On taking lessons from others' bitterness:
  “That was a Ghost of Christmas Future, where you're like, never become that guy.” – Dan Soder (33:59)

• Comedic self-awareness:
  “If you’re killing with hacky shit and you're unaware, it tells me you lack a layer to your comedy.” – Dan Soder (37:19)

• On road rituals:
  “This isn’t a job. This is so fun.” – Dan Soder (23:54)

• Comedy Supreme Court banter:
  “If I’m putting together my nine justices of comedy... you gotta be Supreme Court.” – Dan Soder (46:41)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:54] Body Image, Blue Cheese, and Comfort
• [04:08] Jared on Moving to Florida & Comedy Perspectives
• [05:03] Dan’s "Golden Retriever Tour" & Venue Stories
• [13:41] Sports Fan Group Chats and Coach Firing Mentality
• [19:24] Dan’s Green Room Rider & Road Food Rituals
• [23:08] "Perfect Day" on the Road in Portland, Maine
• [25:00] "Green Room Hang" Game Begins
• [28:15] Excited New Comic vs. Bitter Old Comic Segment
• [37:19] Hacky Local Opener vs. TikToker Segment
• [39:41] Unreliable Waiter vs. Overbearing Manager
• [46:41] Comedy Supreme Court Discussion
• [50:06] Comedy Cellar Stories: Kicking Comics Out of Comedy

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Tone & Language

The episode maintains a playful, self-deprecating, and candid tone throughout. Jared and Dan riff like longtime friends, mixing sharp comedic insight with genuine warmth and honesty about the comedy grind, road woes, and industry personalities. The banter is conversational and peppered with inside references that will delight comedy fans, while still accessible to new listeners.

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Recommended For

• Comedy fans who love shop talk, behind-the-scenes anecdotes, and inside-baseball riffs on the industry
• Aspiring comics looking for an honest look at the realities of the comedy life
• Anyone interested in the social intricacies of performance, creative work, and group dynamics

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Listen to the full episode for more green room stories and hard-earned comedic wisdom—and check out Dan Soder's upcoming tour for a chance to catch him live.

Transcript

[A]

Chit Chat Wednesday for you to listen to. I have a guess who will be your new boo. You're gonna love them, too. Chit Chat Wednesday. I hope you're having a good day today. I hope it's gonna be a perfect week, too. I hope you have a nice poo. It's a ch Chat Wednesday too. Hello and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming to you live from. Where am I? San Francisco, California. That's right, and today is a Chit Chat Wednesday, and I am so excited. Dan Soder is the guest and there's nobody funnier and easier to talk with than Dan Soder. And if you're in a city that he's performing in, you should go see him. He's unbelievable. Great comic. And this conversation is as close as you're gonna get to hanging in a green room with us talking crap about comedy and people we don't like and people we do like. And at the end, I do this game that I'm really happy I prepared because it was really a blast to do with them where it's like, you know, the choice between hanging in a green room with two people and just a fun time. Always a great conversation if you are watching, listening wherever you are. I'm in Providence, Rhode island, this weekend. Then I'm in Winnipeg. I'm in Kansas City. I've added Tampa, Fort Lauderdale. So all these dates are on my calendar. Go to my website, jaredfree.com just to see if I'm coming to a town near you and assemble the group chat. I'm doing these shows in San Francisco that are a blast. But, but, yeah, this is all to say, enjoy today's episode. Sodor is the funniest, so you're going to love it. So enjoy. Boom. Hello and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming to you live from Delray Beach, Florida. That's right, every Wednesday is a Chit Chat Wednesday where I speak to a comedian, a friend, an expert, I would say we're joined by all three today. Friend, comedian, expert in. I, I, I got you. You're. I would call you an expert comedian. I think you're, you're.

[B]

Thank you. I appreciate that, but I don't, I don't know if I would call.

[A]

You would never say it, but I'll say it for you. I, that's my job.

[B]

I, I could say I'm an expert in ranch dressing. I, I know a lot about ranch.

[A]

Not a ranch guy.

[B]

I am, I know you're You're Florida. You're a vinaigrette. You're a vinaigrette, man.

[A]

I like vinaigrette. I like blue cheese. If. If given the choice, I love them. I like the. Yeah, the. The. The blue cheese. It slows me. It's a. It slows you down enough.

[B]

Yeah, it. It also. Here's the thing, though, okay? It's a risky cheese. It's a cheese that, if you're not drinking alcohol with it, could get you sick because it is, at its core, rotted cheese.

[A]

You're at the edge. You're. You're. The days of the week matter.

[B]

Yeah. You're on the trapeze. Are. You're on the trapeze thing with no net. If you're eating. If you're. If you're eating wings with blue cheese and no booze, because the booze will kill it. That's all. That's the thing that always makes it. If you're drinking, if you're having a couple cocktails, you're fine.

[A]

You're okay. Well, I. I should have mentioned. He's a doctor. Dan Soda here on the podcast. Everyone go. Maryland Soda, Maryland Soders, his podcast. You can go watch it on YouTube, listen to it anywhere you go. He's got tickets out for his show. He's on the road. Dancer.com. how are you? Yeah, I'm in Delray Beach. You didn't know that? I moved.

[B]

No place in New York anymore. Completely out of New York.

[A]

No place in New York. I come back, I stay at a hotel and do what I have to do. And I. I don't think it's hampered me, like, because there's. There's no New York opportunities that I've had been like, ah. If I was just. And. And that's kind of the talk about the trapeze without the net. Like, I'm kind of, like. Use this metaphor. Analogy. Imagery of, like, the people I think doing best are the ones that realize they're wearing a VR headset and there's no chance of falling, like, because it's gonna work out. However it works out, it works out.

[B]

I mean, there will be failures that they're just not, like, as bad as you think they are.

[A]

Right. I think you're. That's a. That's a very good way of putting. Nothing's as good as you think. Nothing's as bad as you think. It's all somewhere. How are you? What's going on? What are you up to?

[B]

I'm good, dude. I'm about to Go on this theater tour, the Golden Retriever of Comedy tour. So I'm excited to, like, take this hour out and do bigger rooms. And, you know, we've announced the first half through the end through Christmas, so. It's sick. Dude, I'm excited. I'm performing in a lot of places. I've seen concerts and stuff. So it's like, where.

[A]

Give me, give me one.

[B]

Rialto Theater in Tucson. October 4th is awesome because I saw, like, Dude, I saw Chappelle there when he was doing the Blackzilla tour during Chappelle show. I saw Queens of the Stone Age there. Saw Nappy Roots there. Shout out to the Nappy Roots.

[A]

Roots.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, in a while.

[B]

You got it. I mean, in a while. But you've heard.

[A]

I've. Of course, yeah. So what did you eat today?

[B]

I had. There's a Greek restaurant that's by us.

[A]

In.

[B]

Gramercy that is awesome. And they do this, like, diced. It's a Mediterranean salad with, like, crumpled feta. And then I get a side of Taziki with pita. It's a very nice lunch.

[A]

What you. So you do see, like, I. Do you ever worry about your body?

[B]

All the time.

[A]

No. But you don't seem like a body. Like, you're a body I would envy. I think you're my, the body type.

[B]

I would want lanky. I'm lanky, so. But now I'm like, older. Fat, but lanky.

[A]

But you. That's in your own mind. I'm saying from the outside. I look at you, you're, like, very functional. Like, yeah, I like, you're never gonna, like, I'm not gonna be like, whoa, Dan can barely walk. He looks a little tight. Like, you look like you're comfortable.

[B]

Yeah, I, I. The things. I'm tall, so the things that have started to suck are my knees and my hips, specifically. So what you don'. The elaborate hip stretch in the morning. I have to do, like, a dog with dysplasia. It's just like, I have to, like.

[A]

The hidden problems of a tall guy. Is this something, you know, pass around? Do you guys talk about this thing?

[B]

I was in my 30s, and I was talking to a fellow tall, and they were like, you gotta stretch your hips. And I was like, nah, not really. I'm fine. I just wake up and go. And then I started doing it. Thank God. I started doing it in my mid-30s. I've been doing it now for, like, over six years. And you just kind of, like, you just kind of feel how it feels better. I don't get like, I don't have any sciatica yet. I don't have any of that shit. Which some of my. I'm in my 40s, so some of my friends.

[A]

Male body that you would want.

[B]

I would like a.

[A]

Like, is there someone that you envy the body? Because I. For me, I'll give you mine while you think my, like. I would say your body type it. I'm envious of it because you. You kind of move through it. No one would go, you're jacked. You're not jacked. There's just. You go unnoticeable. Which is not an insult. I hope you don't.

[B]

I'm saying people zero.

[A]

He gets talked about a lot to him.

[B]

Yeah, I get. I don't. I don't ever get my body, you know, outside of my fiance who we joke around that we can't find my hips because I like. Like, my body's like a tube. She's like, it's crazy. That's where your hips. They're like so much higher up than you would think.

[A]

You have a short torso.

[B]

I have a short torso, long legs. And so it's weird.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Because where you. Where I want to put my jeans. Looks like I'm sagging. But you're like, no, this is. This is where a normal man's hips would be. My hips are higher, but then it looks. I look like a like Urkel.

[A]

If every man wore their pants where their hips actually are, I think we would think of everyone differently. Like, I think, yes. Like, if we had to tuck in our shirts and had to wear our pants where your hips are. We'd all have different personalities. You treat everyone. Everyone would be different to us.

[B]

Some guys that you're scared of now would be. Be riding up in the front where you go, I can't take you seriously. And then there would be people where you're like, oh, this guy's actually got a better body than I thought he had.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Someone like a Joe Pera, who you don't realize is ripped, is one of.

[A]

Those people that definitely has a great body with like an unsuspected. And I don't even know him well enough to talk about him like this.

[B]

He did it. We. We all did a show together at Caroline's. It was. You were doing shows there too. It was all the same time. It was around the same time. And he did this set where he took his shirt off and his thing was that he was canoeing through a river. He like, gave A setup of like, I'm canoeing in the summer, and he was, like, slapping himself for bugs. But he. It's like Mark Norman. He took his shirt off and you're like, yeah. Whoa.

[A]

Yeah. Undercover. Good body guy.

[B]

Great body. We went swimming with him and he took his shirt off and you're like, I'm envious of his body.

[A]

Right.

[B]

He's got, like.

[A]

That's why he throws around the word fatty a lot. He has no.

[B]

He has no clue.

[A]

No connection to it. There's no emotion.

[B]

No, he doesn't. You know, like, I have. I'm like skinny, fat. You know what I mean? Like, I have a little bit of a belly, but I can hide it with a T shirt. My arms are not. I don't have muscular arms. I just have long arms.

[A]

So they're not muscular. That's the thing. Like, I would like stringing body, I think, is the number one body.

[B]

Yes. I think that's the absolute. Yes. Tennis. Tennis or basketball player. Is the idea that tall? No, but I'm saying if you get a normal height with the way they're.

[A]

Built right at that point, I don't even want to mess with that genie's wish. I just want to be tennis soccer player. I think a soccer player.

[B]

Soccer player is ideal. Soccer player. They have. They all have great legs and their torsos are very tight from all the running. I go soccer player number one.

[A]

You're probably right. I. Yeah, I. I was thinking about.

[B]

And then I would say older in life, golf body.

[A]

Well, if you're a long golf body guy, that's a good look. That is good look. That's a good look.

[B]

You fit and your shirts tucked in.

[A]

Shirts tucked in. We know exactly what a golfer looks like. They got no hiding on that course.

[B]

No, they, they, they. They're like swimmers. They cannot hide their bodies.

[A]

I actually feel bad for any golfer considered overweight. They're probably not as overweight as we think they are.

[B]

It's like D lineman. You're like. You think a defensive lineman's overweight? You're like, that man is a ball of muscle. He's not just. You know what's really funny to me is when. When athletes like Tom Brady or Patrick Mahomes take their shirt off and they're not muscular, and you're like, oh, look at you. You're like, you're in shape, but you're not, like, ripped or buff. You're just like. Like Travis Kelce with his shirt off is like, almost me with my shirt off.

[A]

You're closer to Travis Kelce than you give.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which is credit. He had a shirt off picture that I had to discuss with an interviewer where his back was hairy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He needed a back wax and because I'm a big back wax guy.

[B]

So I started taking Minoxidil when I got my hair transplant, and it's made me have a hairy back when I never had one.

[A]

Really. I never had one dirty. That's kind of like the look of my hairy back where it looks like.

[B]

Mine'S like very light right now. But it comes in. But it comes in almost like. Almost like a reverse of my chest because I have a chest hair that it comes out of my stomach. My back does like. But it's. It's thin. I buzz it off and it's fine.

[A]

Oh, go get wax, dude. I love it. I go once a month and it takes.

[B]

And you're good for like a month.

[A]

10 minutes. Good for a month. It hurts a little. You know it's going to hurt, but, like, it's a hurt so good type of thing. I listen. I'm a European wax center guy. They just paid me to do an ad for them, but even so, I was already go. The only reason they paid me is because I talked about it so glowingly.

[B]

It's a product that you use, right?

[A]

I'm not just. I'm a client. It's hair club for men. I'm. I'm.

[B]

Yeah. Not only. Yeah, I gotta start. I should have done that with my. The doctor that did my hair transplant should have got some of that money knocked off.

[A]

Talk something. Well, if you like something, talk about it on a podcast. Yeah, that is the move.

[B]

I get weed and like random wrestling artifacts because of that. They're like people like, oh, this dude loves and 49er stuff. Which rules. I'm always like, yeah, this is great.

[A]

Are you excited for the season? I think you're in the. As a 49ers fan, I would put you in the. The catbird seat of a good season. Under. Under. Like under.

[B]

Undervalued. Overlooked. Overlooked and underappreciated. When we got rid of the 49ers, got little rid of a lot of players and I was one of the fans included. That was like, we're. And then now that I'm seeing this team together, there is a little. There's some depth questions, specifically at the offensive line. But outside of that, I'm like, dude, we also have the easiest schedule in the NFL.

[A]

Easiest schedule. And consistency is underrated. You're ahead of when you keep the staff and keep the same crew, you're.

[B]

Just ahead the last. I mean, dude, you look at Kyle Shanahan's record in San Francisco since 2017, and he's been to four NFC championship games in two Super Bowls in six seasons or in seven seasons, right?

[A]

This guy's good at what he does.

[B]

Yeah. Like, I have friends. I'm on a lot of group chats with 49er fans, and there's one chat specifically. And fans of anything will do this where you're in a group chat about a thing. There will be someone who isn't an informed fan, but they're very opinionated and they give these stances that you're like, this isn't even a good take. You didn't even kind of think of this. And whenever and when we're. And this happens multiple times a season, when the 49ers will be losing a game, this guy will go, fire Kyle. We need to fire Kyle Shanahan. And I immediately will go, and who the do you plan on replacing him with?

[A]

Right.

[B]

As good or better? And every time he goes, I don't know, I just can't stand him every time.

[A]

And then I'll go, it's like a bad radio call in guy. Like, if you listen to sports radio, they always. The sports radio response to fire a person is, what's your plan? What's your what? Okay, now we're coachless. And then you never have an answer.

[B]

And then I'll hit him with the. When he does it again, I'll hit him with the clip of Bernie Sanders going, I'm asking you once again. And then I'll. And I'll just cut it to my text. Who would we hire?

[A]

Right?

[B]

Like, you say the same thing every year multiple times, and you never once have an answer.

[A]

Right? That's a once an hour conversation on a sports radio station.

[B]

You're like, dude, shut up.

[A]

Who you trading them for? We should trade so and so.

[B]

The fan thing should be, you should find a reason to support the guys you have. You should find a reason to be positive about the team.

[A]

Right? I. I'm not the only one. I. It's funny that you bring up the fire so and so guy because I am a. I known. I'm in a group chat. But it's. The joke is that I just am ready to fire James Franklin, Penn State football coach, at any turn.

[B]

Like, I mean, by the way, I watched James Franklin absolutely break Nate Bargetzi's heart when he left Vanderbilt and came To Penn State.

[A]

So he loved him.

[B]

Oh, he was like a recruiter.

[A]

He's. He's a great recruiter. So in a place called a place like Vanderbilt, where they're known for being bad, like, you need the great recruiter that convinces the second guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When you're Penn State, you got to win. You got a coach too, you know, Like, I. I have a funny story about. I'll never forget I was Tom Brady. 2001 leads the Patriots. Oh, yeah, the Super Bowl. It's the. It's the miracle of all miracles. The tuck game, the snowball game, all that stuff. It's the next season. We're at the opening game the next season.

[B]

Sure. 02 season 02.

[A]

They just traded Drew Bledo to the Bills.

[B]

Yes, he started for the Bills.

[A]

The Bills they bring. Now it's Brady's team. We got rid. It's a little. It's not awkward because they won the super bowl, but yeah, Bledo was like a part of the super bowl run because he got brought in when Brady went out. First play. I think it was the first or second play. Brady throws an inner or a. An incomplete pass. Like, just like a random incomplete pass. And there was a guy that was in our section that just yelled out, bring back Bledsoe.

[B]

Me.

[A]

So funny. I mean, that is.

[B]

That's great.

[A]

That's just knowing timing, that is. Knowing comedy.

[B]

Like, that is Sports fans like that. When a guy has a good one at a stadium, it is. It's the only time in my life as a comedian. I'm jealous. Someone gets.

[A]

If you can. Someone gets a good laughing.

[B]

Oh, I remember one time I was at a niner game and a guy yelled out, hey, Raph, why don't you bend over and use your good eye? Place erupted.

[A]

That's just about saying it. Like, don't fumble. Like, you guys. You gotta complete that line out.

[B]

Then he got it. He got it. I mean, shot right to the chest. Got him.

[A]

I love it. Okay. I had a game for you and.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Have you. So have you been on the road? You're going on the theater tour? Have you been. Just in New York.

[B]

No, I've been on the road. You've been on the road? Yeah, I've been on the road. It's just when you know the tour you like, it's to highlight the. The theater shows. But I've been doing clubs, getting the.

[A]

Reps. Go see Soder. He's hilarious. You're gonna love him. I. The green room.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you have a good rider? What do you. I mean, you're going on a theater tour. When you do the theaters, you can. You can really rider it up.

[B]

Yeah. So I put together a writer that was very me coded. It was very, like, not a lot and stuff that I wanted. So it was bottled water, speakers every place. Yeah. No one make eye contact. It was bottled water. Iced coffee. Half and half for my iced coffee.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Reese's Pieces miniature cups. Not Reese's Pieces. Reese's miniature cups.

[A]

Wow. Okay.

[B]

Like a big bag of one of those. I love those. And apples, bananas, and some chips.

[A]

Bananas is huge. What type of chip?

[B]

I was doing sun chips. I like sun chips.

[A]

They're a little heartier flavor or just. I did the sun chip.

[B]

I love cheddar, and I love garden salsa.

[A]

I. I can't believe I don't mind those, but I just can't believe how prevalent they are over the regular sun.

[B]

Regular or great? Regular sun chips are great.

[A]

I love salsa.

[B]

Garden salsa has a soft spot in my heart because when I was really, really poor, I used to eat subway meals as two meals. So I would do a 12. I would do a foot long, 6 inch at night, 6 inch at lunch the next day, and I would. I would break up the bag of garden salsa. And I remember always being like, I. If I ever make it, I'm eating full bags. Full bags of garden salsa.

[A]

Why do you think Subway did that? They made a commitment to. To the.

[B]

It worked.

[A]

It worked because I tell you right now, chips, I think of Subway and vice versa.

[B]

Yeah. And just. You get me a chicken teriyaki with a fucking bag of sunship, garden and, like, a big raspberry iced tea, like in one of those big Subway cups. I'm very happy.

[A]

Here's the thing about, like, how screwed up we are by food and branding and marketing. I could taste that chicken teriyaki you just brought.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Like, right. I could taste it. I've had that with the lettuce. I get it with, like, everything on it.

[B]

And the cucumber.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've gotten that so many times.

[B]

And I'll tell you, I know it probably isn't tuna fish, but a Subway tuna with lettuce.

[A]

My dad once looked at me, he goes. He looked at my brother, and I. He goes, the one disappointment I have is that both of you don't like a tuna fish sandwich.

[B]

Tell Mr. Freed that if he needs a stepson to come in and eat tuna, I. Katie hates it. I have to be.

[A]

I can't. It's fishy to me. But I guess so.

[B]

That's exactly. Katie is a big texture girl, and she also has an incredible sense of smell. I have no sense of smell since COVID so I can eat anything. And I love tuna, so I just want to eat tuna. And she's just like, please, for my sake, keep it out of the house.

[A]

Okay, so it's a big roadie.

[B]

That's a big road.

[A]

So you do it while out of the house. See, that's. Oh, yeah, that's a good boyfriend. That's.

[B]

Yeah, I'll get tuna on the road.

[A]

That actually probably makes you like it better.

[B]

Well, what it is, is it's like, it's not devious. So it's not like, oh, I get to do this. It's more, I'm on the road. And we'll be at a sandwich place, and someone will go, they got a good tuna fish. And you go, yes, load me up, Load me up. I'm right there.

[A]

Road. Happiness is, like, hard to cut, you know? Like, there's moments on the road that you kind of smile to yourself. Oh, you're like, you can't believe that really gives you happiness.

[B]

I'll tell you right now how happy I am to have a great breakfast. Right? And then a good hang. This happened recently. Sagalo and I were in Portland, Maine, doing the Empire Comedy Club. Great little room.

[A]

I gotta do it. I, I'm a huge main guy, and I've never done it.

[B]

First off, it's an unbelievable club. It's just like, it reminds me of old school Creek in the cave. It's just like this small room. The owner and the managers ruled. They're just like, you know, Portland is a, is a funky town, but we.

[A]

Found $3 Dewies, man. I, I, I just had a video about Portland takeoff, about a hot dog place I would have sent you to.

[B]

But, oh, my God, I would have gone there, but we, so we had like a great breakfast and then went and sat, like, in this part of town and smoked a joint, just hung out and watched people. And then I went back to my room, played some video games, took a nap, shower shows. And I was like, this isn't a job. This is so fun.

[A]

Road nap and vacation beach nap. I would put them on the same level.

[B]

Vacation beach nap. Coming in from the sun and cold hotel room, Putting on basketball short. Getting out of your trunks, putting them in the bathroom to dry off.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Getting in basketball shorts in the bed, washing it off.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, a shower into any sleep is elite, Especially if you can do the Thing if you can hit the trifecta of clean sheets, shower, long day.

[A]

Yeah, you're right.

[B]

It's like, that's the best.

[A]

Okay, so I wanted to ask you. I got a game. It's called Green room Hang. You have to choose to hang with one of these two people in the green room.

[B]

Great.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, I put together a little bit of weed. Right.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I've had a long day.

[A]

Get ready.

[B]

I've been going all day. And I was like, oh, I'm hanging out with Jared. But it's at home, so it counts as it at home. It's five o' clock somewhere.

[A]

It is literally five o'. Clock. We're sitting here on a Tuesday. Okay. So the premise is, here's the thing. That people who don't do comedy or music or have access to a green room might not know. It is your place to really just chill out. It's like a body sized locker that you have. Here's. You can put your stuff anywhere. And I would say that soda. You probably agree with me. Whenever you're doing a weekend or when it's your show, when your name is on the. The. The billboard, when your name is on the table on the marquee, that is your green room.

[B]

Yes, yes.

[A]

Now, that doesn't mean the opener doesn't have access to the green room. I think you are probably similar. It's their green room too. But there is a green room hierarchy where they defer to you.

[B]

Big dog's gonna eat Big dog. Big dog's gonna tell you what walkout song he's going up to first. Big dog's gonna tell you. And by the way, this is what I came up under when I was an emcee. You don't even know if you can go in the room. When you're a feature, you are their backup singer. So they order a meal, then you order the meal, and then you become the headliner and you go, all right, my order is gonna go in first. I'm gonna tell you when I want my food.

[A]

It's not that you are really tied to these things. It's not like you're like, if the feature ordered their food first, you would never go, no. But there is a little politeness. But you also, like, I. I'm sure these people exist that get in their head that they're the headline and they should own the green room.

[B]

I'm sure. I've had to. I've had to tell. This is before I was bringing my own feature, but I would, I would so it was, like, over 10 years ago. I would sometimes have features that would come in and like, well, I'm. I live here. I know this green room. And it's, like, fantastic this weekend, which I will say about the comedy mothership. They are very, very good at making that green room yours on the weekend, which I did not expect.

[A]

I've never been. They didn't let me in, but they. But that is probably. I would. I would assume that would be it, because that's a comedian run.

[B]

But I. Because of the. Because of the way Austin is in the culture that surrounds that club. I really thought it was. The hierarchy is Rogan, Hinchcliff, Segura. They all have first bidding and then whoever's there that weekend. And that's not how it. I was just like, oh, okay. And then you can open up to them. You can open it up to the Austin. Which I did. I was like, anybody can come in. I don't give a fuck.

[A]

Right? And sometimes, you know, can I come in? I'm like, that's ridiculous. But it's nice if they ask. Okay.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So you're in your green room, and you have the choice between these two people hanging with you in the green room. Okay, excited new comic or bitter old comic.

[B]

Excited new comic every time. Because I was one. And it's the most fun to talk about stuff that you love. You want the excitement and the love of comedy that's radiating off them, not the, I didn't end up where I wanted to be, and now I'm gonna piss in everyone else's soup.

[A]

I totally agree with you. It almost makes you appreciate it again.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're like.

[B]

It makes me realize what it is, is. It's perspective. You go like, oh, dude, I used to, like, bother. I remember Colin Quinn one time when I was opening for him was like, I'll tell you when you can ask me questions. You know what I mean? Like, I absolutely was that. And that. And it also is. Because it's also. It's like the innocence of children. It's tied to not knowing better. So you just go like, oh, you love this. I love that you love this. This is great. This is making me love this again. Whereas old bitter comic, I had a guy I was at. You know how zanies used to do in Nashville? They do the split weekends where you would do, like, you would, like, if it was me and you, you would do Friday, Saturday. You do Friday, Saturday, Sunday early shows, and I would do the late show Thursday, Friday, Saturday. So we see each other. I Did it with Beth Stelling one time. I did it with Adam Conover one time. So it was like these things, these split weekends where they try to. So that way.

[A]

Did it once. I'm trying to remember who it was with, but I do remember. Yeah, I know.

[B]

You're talking about the very first time I did it. They were. Nashville was like, we want to bring him in. This was when I was first headlining. And they're like, we know he can't sell tickets, so we're going to pair him with a Christian comedian. And the Christian comedian is going to be the early show, then Dan will be the late show. But Dan has to use this guy's feature. I was like. I was like, I don't give a. I was brand new to headlining. I wasn't bringing my own feature anyways.

[A]

For the. So for the. Maybe the people that don't know Commie that well, the opener for the Christian guy was now going to be your opener as well. And this is a way of, like, making it so they can pay that guy.

[B]

Yeah, that guy can get a full weekend, which I don't. Yeah, I'm not knocking any of this so far. I don't have a problem with any of this so far. My problem was the guy in the green room. So I come in, and he is significantly older than me. I think at the time I was, like, 27. I might have been 28 years old. Headlining. He was in his late 40s, early 50s. And I came in the room, and he immediately was just, like, vomiting insecurities. Just vomiting. That, like, this business sucks. It's broken. Where do you live in New York? It's not worth living there. You're not going to get anything out of it. Blah, blah, blah. But then he keeps hitting me with. I was a headliner when you were born. He, like, keeps saying that. Which night?

[A]

One.

[B]

I bite my tongue. I go outside. I think I'm still smoking cigarettes at this point. I go outside, I'm smoking cigarettes. I'm just kind of staying away from this guy. He bombs so hard on my show that it was like, the. The thought of you even trying to talk is hilarious. You are bad. You are objectively bad at comedy. He tried to sell a T shirt. He tried to sell merch. It was wild. So whatever I have, show's fine. I go out. Go out in Nashville, have a good time. The next night in the green room, he's bitching again. He's just bitching about comedy. And what would you know? I'm. I. I I've worked the road. You. You've never even worked the road? And I'm like, no, I'm kind of new. I did it as an opener, but, you know, never. And he's like, I'm. I'm being very graceful. I'm being very graceful. I'm giving this guy.

[A]

You give him a lot of leeway.

[B]

A lot of leeway. And then he keeps hitting me with, how old are you again? 28 years old. And he goes, jesus, I was a headliner when you were born. And I go, then what happened?

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And he stops and he goes, what? And I go, then what happened?

[A]

Right?

[B]

If you were headlining when I was born, you. Why aren't you still a headliner? You should still be a headliner, right? And he was like. He just didn't have anything for it. It was like he never thought out his own.

[A]

Right? He's just saying. And, like, I don't know what he's trying to. What message is he trying to forgot.

[B]

God, if. If the MC of that weekend can remember that and watches this clip, please DM me. Because the MC lost it when I said it. Like, they started laughing in their hand that they were like, oh. Because they had watched it build to that moment. And then you're like, well, you will. You suck. You suck.

[A]

So clearly we're a drug habit or an alcoholism. Tell me how this all got here.

[B]

Make it make sense, you fucking hack.

[A]

Right?

[B]

But then he bombs again, which was shout out to the Great Spirit. And then he gets off stage and he goes, well, he's like. Gets off stage of the MCs on. He's like, all right, well, I'm probably not gonna hang around. Your audience doesn't like to buy merch. And I went, okay. And that was it. That was the last thing I said.

[A]

Audience doesn't like to buy merch. It's just such a rat that tells you everything. That's why he's doing what he's doing.

[B]

Yeah. You want to know what they do? Like, good jokes, right? That's what's interesting.

[A]

They buy merch when they laugh.

[B]

But that was like, man, that was a Ghost of Christmas Future, where you're like, never become that guy.

[A]

Well, there's a lot of lessons that we get, like, just, like, at human beings that are lessons that we get, you know?

[B]

I mean, that's everybody. That's what life is, is just looking around and learning lessons from people that are like. That's why the Internet's so scary. Because you're like, none of These are learning lessons, right?

[A]

Okay. Green rang Tiktoker with a bigger following, but they need you to close the show.

[B]

OB or opener.

[A]

Who headlines their Wednesday shows weekly? Who starts the weekend by saying that they're not familiar with your stuff?

[B]

That is good youth. Really. Honestly, my one criticism of the first question was like, I don't think Jared really thought this out because the answer was too easy.

[A]

Right?

[B]

This is you.

[A]

That was an appetizer, man. I gotta get you your whistle wet.

[B]

You got some snares in there. That was good. Okay, here's my thoughts.

[A]

I mean, these are real people you meet on the road.

[B]

So here, let me. Let's talk it out. Let's start with the guy so guy.

[A]

Who does the Wednesday show.

[B]

My guy. My problem with the guy that does the Wednesday thing is, is I don't have a problem until he goes, I'm not familiar with your stuff. Which is a me problem. That is not a him problem.

[A]

That is he's a comedian who knows saying that is a dig.

[B]

So he's a dick. But dick.

[A]

He knew who he was opening for. He knew the name. He looked you up.

[B]

But it's. But it isn't.

[A]

It couldn't even give you a fake compliment.

[B]

But ultimately it's an mp. It's a my problem. It's not a yp. It's not a year problem. But here's what I think. How good is. Is he good? Is he like the.

[A]

Is he like local stuff? A lot of local stuff.

[B]

So he's a hatches.

[A]

So he's murders.

[B]

He murders, but he murders with shitty stuff.

[A]

Local and a lot of like names of streets and it's very hacky.

[B]

Very. This town drives like this. I could tell they were from blank because of the way how close their eyes were together.

[A]

Right? But he knows that green room. Well, just like you said before, he. He.

[B]

Okay, I'm already.

[A]

Waitresses are like, hey, Johnny, do you need anything?

[B]

I'm already out on him. I'm out on him. And I'll tell you that he is repulsive because of his arrogance. Because of his arrogance and his also his lack of being connected to the fact that he's not ashamed of killing with hacky shit. If you're killing with hacky shit and you're unaware of it, it tells me you lack a layer to your comedy, that you don't have self awareness that you're being hacky. So I think this guy just in general lacks self awareness, which that's all I'm working on right now. Is. Is becoming fully aware of who I am for positive and for negative. But the tiktoker, again, is a mp. He's another my problem because it's my ego that hurts that he's got so many followers and I don't. So that's my ego. So I don't think I'm as upset. And also, if I'm closing the show, I'm going to turn some of these. Some of these people are going to go. I went for that and I left because I saw the real deal. I saw the real product.

[A]

But you got to hang with him in the green room and he's.

[B]

That's fine. I can get material out of that. I can get material out of that. I can disconnect and mock. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And go like, this kid. This kid's life is crazy. I'm going to see it go up quick. I'm going to see it go down quick. The other kid is an actual. You know what it is? It's like the tick tocker is like. Is like throwing up from drinking. It's like once you just do it right then and there. The opener is the flu. Like, it's going to wreck you for, like, longer. It just. Yeah, you don't. You just don't want to deal with that. You can give me food poisoning over the flu any day.

[A]

We got two more. Let's do two.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. And then we'll get you going. Everyone go to dancer.com. he's doing a theater run. So go, go, go.

[B]

Go get tickets.

[A]

You're going to come on Dan Soder. So podcast waiter who's never available but says hello in the beginning of the weekend, saying, they're your. They have the green room.

[B]

Yes. No, no. And you cannot find them. And all you want to do is get a drink.

[A]

They are not good at it, but they've established they're the green room waiter, so you have to tip them. As if you would tip any other green room waiter.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Or a club manager who's really worried about the show running long. It's all he talks about.

[B]

This is a great one.

[A]

These are real people.

[B]

You and waiter. Waiter. Because of how I'm built, how I've built my life on the road, I usually like to eat after shows, so I'm not that reliant on the waiters. You know, I know it's healthier for me to eat earlier, so I've been trying to do that. But if I don't, I usually get food after the show. So the waiter becomes less important versus the manager. You're up in my.

[A]

I don't want someone in my. I, I, I don't want the waiter. Is just a monetary issue. You're just saying goodbye to the amount. You would. What are you tipping per show on the road weekend at a club? Because I, I 50 a show.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, good. We are in line. We are tipping in. You and I are, I'm doing 50 a show as well.

[B]

Yeah. If I do five shows, I'm giving them 250.

[A]

That's where I'm at.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I heard of some other comedians that are really doing us a disservice. There are some comics that are tipping some wild amounts, by the way.

[B]

I'm four. I'm four. I like to be.

[A]

But also, we're looking back. I mean, 250 for the weekend feels like. I thought, here's where I'm embarrassed. I'm like, look at me, I'm doing the right thing. I'm, I'm really, you know, now you're, you're right.

[B]

You're just doing the, the, you're just doing it. You're, you're just, you know. But what are they doing? What numbers are you hearing?

[A]

I've heard five. I've heard six. I've heard five.

[B]

I could see. But I better have that whole weekend sold out. I better have that whole weekend thing.

[A]

That changes things for me as well. I, I, I'll tell you the name afterwards. And the only reason was the name. And I was like, come on, man. Okay, so last one.

[B]

All right. That, that is, I don't know, 500.

[A]

It does depend on what.

[B]

Because there's also people. What people have to understand about the green room is there are people like you and I, which I think we're closer aligned where it's like very minimal, you know, it's just like a place to hang out, right. Low lighting, TV on, bottles of water, maybe some food if you order from the club. And then there are people that want like service, like a bar stocked going on.

[A]

We know there are people that are difficult because I, my favorite thing at the comedy seller is to find out who is the person like the comics at the waitstaff are like tired of dealing with. And I can't believe that's a thing.

[B]

I'll go a step further and I want to know whose act they hate. Oh, that's, they hear it all the time. Do you hate this bit? And they go, I hate this bit. And you go, me too. Great. It's awesome.

[A]

Okay, last one. Opener, who says they have a very similar joke to yours, but they never reveal it. Okay, so you go, okay, night one. They go, yeah, just like that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then they never do it or reveal it, but they go. And then they say, you can do it. I don't need to do it this week.

[B]

Yeah, there are. I. I have. That happen more often than you think. And also, it's just. It's just a clear insecurity thing.

[A]

Right?

[B]

It's what happens to us at the Cellar when you see Louis or Chris Rock do a premise that you do, and you go, oh, okay, I probably have to drop that because we're dancing.

[A]

In the same, you know, same spot. Okay. Or opener, who starts doing the bits or starts doing bits that you heard in conversation in the green room.

[B]

Buddy. I have had one of these situations where I swear to God, I would never name names, but I swear to God, this guy that was emceeing was straight up just starting to talk about my. The subjects of my bits throughout the week. So I'm talking about, like. So I'm like, talking about, like, yeah, it's. My dog's crazy because she's shits in the shower. And then the guy's like, you know these dogs in the shower? And you go, like, what the are you doing Thursday?

[A]

Did you.

[B]

I literally had to go like, hey, dude, it sounds like you're like. As we go along, you're, like, talking, and he goes, oh, man. Sorry. I think you're just, like, influencing me. And you're like, no, no, no, no, no. You're taking what I'm saying and you're saying it first, right? No, like, so then it makes me look shitty.

[A]

Right? Right.

[B]

You're the shitty one, right?

[A]

You're being. You can't. You got hired to do an act that you've done before.

[B]

I'll tell you right now, the number one thing with me where it's just like, hey, no matter how nice of a guy, no matter what, if you do this, I just. I don't really feel like having you on my show is when you treat the audience like you and I are like, they're both there to see both of us. The same energy, like, ah, you know, whatever. That's a new one, you know? I know you guys would like that. And you're like, you don't know them.

[A]

You do not hate that.

[B]

That's like. That's like your friend's parents coming over and you calling them by their first name.

[A]

Right, Right.

[B]

Are you out of Your mind.

[A]

I. I get that sometimes with, like, oh, Jared's people will like this, and they'll say it to them. And I'm like, don't demean the people that came to my show, like, just because you think that. Like, what do you think? We're. It's a bunch of, you know, Taylor Swift fans that you're performing. You know, that's always the vibe from them. When they say that to my. To the people that come to my show, it's like, oh, you guys will like this. And it'll be like, you know when you're, like, complaining about your Cosmo, and I'm like, get the out.

[B]

My favorite example of that. My favorite example of that. It still makes me laugh every time I think about it, is Big J Okerson, who is one of the funniest, if not the funniest, human being to ever walk this planet. He makes me laugh. Did a radio show with him for eight years. He's hilarious. He is. You know, his material. Sexual. His material is, like, edgier and. But it's naturally edgy. It's like, who he is, but it's still smart and it's still funny, which is the most important part. It's funny, but, dude, he'll have MCs that'll go up there, and they'll be like, yeah. And then I. This dead baby. And the crowd will be like, oh. And they go, well, if you guys don't like that one, wait till you see Jay. And Jay's like, I don't do anything like that.

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Like, that's the fun. Yeah, that is the funniest example where they'll be like, yeah, you guys can't handle that. Well, good luck. When Jay's up here and he's like, I don't even talk about that stuff. Kind of every time I hear that.

[A]

Because that's like, the Grossula is about to be up here.

[B]

Oh, this guy's gonna warp your minds. Like, no, I'm not. I mean, hanging out with them.

[A]

How about you let me be me? Yeah, I know, exactly. I would definitely rather. Yeah.

[B]

The.

[A]

The opener that does the jokes in the green room. I had someone did a podcast with them, whole hour conversation, and then I saw their act, and it was all the stuff we did on the podcast.

[B]

Yeah, there's a lot of people like that. And I was like, a lot of people like that.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

A lot of people that are. They don't. There's no Geneva Convention for them. There's no, like, you know, there's no decency.

[A]

There were criminals who would be the comedy tribunal. Like, now that Marin's going around.

[B]

Supreme Court. There'd be a Supreme Court.

[A]

Supreme Court. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And it's always the older comics. And I think right now, if I'm putting together my nine justices of comedy, it is. You gotta be Supreme Court. Right. They look over Colin Quinn, Davitel, Maria Bamford, Joe Rogan. I said it.

[A]

Right, right. Listen.

[B]

The conservative voice on it.

[A]

Yeah, you got.

[B]

Listen, a conservative voice.

[A]

You gotta. Gotta get everything.

[B]

Mark Marin. So dissenting opinions. Patton Oswald.

[A]

Okay. You're missing a group.

[B]

Bonnie McFar. Oh, yeah, Ms. Pat.

[A]

Okay, thank you. That was the group I was thinking of.

[B]

Keith Robinson.

[A]

Keith would be good. Keith. Because Keith.

[B]

And one more. I would go. Lori Kilmartin.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I think she's a good young justice.

[A]

Yes. And a Sotomayor type. The. Yeah, I. Keith would be good because he is fair with that.

[B]

Yeah, he's very fair.

[A]

He's very fair. Whether he.

[B]

Roy Wood Jr. Would be a good nominee.

[A]

Roy's a young. Would be a good young justice.

[B]

Young justice.

[A]

He's in the funnel. He's. He's.

[B]

But I also like a Jim Norton. I wish I could get Jim Norton on there. I would. I would get a seat for Jim Norton.

[A]

You need. Do we have a representative of the gay community? You.

[B]

You need a Jim David or. I would even go like.

[A]

I'd like Judy Gold. I think that would.

[B]

Judy Gold would be all right. I don't think I would let her get. I don't think I'd let her get confir. Because of the Shane stuff. I would probably try to. As a senator. As a senator in comedy, I would probably try to spike that. But I could see people voting for her.

[A]

Yeah. I didn't know that. I didn't know her involvement there. I. Yeah. I'm trying to think. You. You got a great list going. I. I agree. So, Burr, you don't throw in too young.

[B]

He's too. He's still active. Let him go. Still do. Go do standup.

[A]

You know, Ron White. Like, would you want a. A Southern.

[B]

I think Ron White's. He's a. He's more of a lot. He's retired.

[A]

You know, like, I think one would be good. Like Jeff Foxworthy.

[B]

He's good. That's a good one. Jeff Foxworthy is a good one. He's a good one. If we're getting.

[A]

Foxworthy understands the mesh of business and comedy and how those two have to work together. He would have an Understanding, you know.

[B]

Conservative chairs on the. On the Supreme Court. If we're going 5, 4, liberal, conservative. Yeah, I would go. Or if we're going 5, 4 conservative, liberal, I think you go if you're going conservative justices, you want Rogan, Ron White, Foxworthy. You need a female concern. Roseanne's too crazy.

[A]

No, it's too much.

[B]

Who is our conservative woman on the comedy Supreme Court? I think it could be.

[A]

Be she'd get mad at this Whitney Cummings. But I. It's too young.

[B]

I just. Too young. You could spike that one, I think Schumer, you know, in a surprise turn.

[A]

Well, this was always my favorite conversation with the seller is who would bump. Who were you ever there for when we talked that who would walk in.

[B]

My favorite night at the seller was we sat around the table and we kicked people out of comedy. And we were very honest. And it was like, by the way, this was like pre Schumer blowing up. This is like 2012, 2013. And Keith, this is pre stroke. So Keith would do this thing where he go. We'd say their name and he'd be like, and you are out of here, dude. We were kicking out full clubs. He was like, anybody that works the comic strip, you're out of here. It was so funny. It was so funny. And then anybody that got up from the table got kicked out. If you stood up to go do your spot. Yeah.

[A]

It was very Dan Soder. Everyone go follow on all platforms at Dan Soder. Soda's the podcast. He's got a theater on danceoner.com. go get tickets right now. If he's in your town, you will not be upset about that. You'll be happy with that. You'll get assemble the group chat. As I always say, your mother, your father, your sister, your brother. He does comedy for all. I'm Jared Fruit. Back next week. Boom.