Jared Freed (0:00)

It's a mailbag. Munder, you got problems there. I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a Mailbag Monday. Hello, and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming to you live from Boca. That's right, every Monday. It's a Mailbag Monday. You heard the song Mailbag Monday, baby. I got two fantastic emails in front of me right in the wheelhouse of what this show was all about. Want to thank you. I asked for emails. I asked for advice emails. And you delivered. I mean, like, I haven't read them, but I can tell by the look. Title. And look, these are fantastic emails. And this is what I love to chew on. This is the bone I want to know. This is the bone I want to suck on. Euro trip or love? That's the question. That's the title. Love that. It's got bullet points into it. Uh, and then the second one is group trip canceled because of accidental voicemail. I mean, what are you, Clickbait? That's the most clickable title I've ever heard. And so thank you because I asked for emails. Advice emails for Mailbag Monday. And again, I like when they're ethical. I like when it's friend debates. I like, love advice. Of course, I've been doing dating advice for over a decade. I don't know how that happened, but I've been doing it just. And I. Well, I do know how that happened. If I'm to pat old dear Uncle J Train on the back, it's, you know, I'm going to give you a perspective that's honest and not trying to, like, make you feel bad. And, and, and. And it's all done without looking you in the eye. And that's what your friends, you know, probably hold back a little bit. It's hard to tell you the truth. So I'm going to tell you the truth as I see it. And you can agree or disagree, but it's a perspective. So. And then we're going to have fun with it. So I look. And then we're going to have a little fun. That's right. So I got those two emails. It is Happy New Year. We are. This is that weird dead week. Where in here. Another. Yeah, it's a lot of back padding in the first few minutes of this episode. A lot of your favorite podcasts take this week off. No, no, not. Not here. Not at the jcu. The J Train Cinematic Universe. Nope. We are on all week. We are daily. Here's my ask of you if the sponsor can help you. We have one sponsor. Use the promo code if you want to join the Patreon which gets you another podcast gets you the Friday episode. Last Friday's episode, Coffee with J Train is all about going to Batavia and the I put up a video on YouTube of these women that were interrupting the show. I tell tell the story behind that. I talk about Christmas week in New York and the shows I did at the comedy seller so you can sign up for patreon patreon.com Jared Freed get coffee with J train plus first dibs on ticked off Tuesday to enter your complaints and have me complain with you or share the show. Let a friend know in any way you can make it your Instagram story. Those are all really like wonderful ways to help this show grow and stay stay afloat, so to speak. Or. Or come to my show. I'm coming to Portland, Oregon this weekend. Yep, Portland, Oregon. Phoenix, Arizona, Montreal. And then I head to New Zealand, Australia, Melbourne. I'm going to Auckland, New Zealand. MEB Melbourne. I hope I'm saying these names right and say I better learn. Sydney, Newcastle, Brisbane, Adelaide, Perth and then Rochester, New York. That old taking that direct flight Perth to Rochester. So those are my shows. Jared free.com and let's do the emails. Let's get right into it. Happy New Year. I hope you have a safe one and a fun one and a relaxed one and all those good things. So Euro trip or love? Maybe they could have both. Let's see. Jared Longtime and oh, before we start, if you have an advice question, send it to J train podcast gmail.com title IT advice title at Mailbag Monday V our producer is tracking all of that. So J train podcast@gmail.com that is the email. You can also DM it if that's easier for you, to the J Train Instagram account at J Train Podcast, which is always posting clips from the show and like reminding you that we're here. And because I know I listen to podcasts so it ebbs and flows. It goes in waves. Sometimes you're hot on a show and then sometimes it's like Jared, enough of your voice already. I get that. But maybe you're back this week because one of your other shows didn't care about you as much as I care about you. Ooh, that's right. Talking shit. I'm not talking talking shit about the shows. I listen to. Best of Fuck off. It's a. It's a once a week show. Okay. Drinking my coffee. I got a little Cinnamon coffee with a sweet and low. All right. From the Keurig. I don't know why I'm telling you all this. Okay. Mailbag Eurotripper. Love, Jared, Longtime listener, subscriber, and recently a Patreon member as well. Look at that. Oh my. Consider these nuts feathered. I've been asked recently, why are all the promo codes feather? What's with feather? Well, there was a time on this show and this show has gone through full. If you've been here since the beginning, you've seen seven different shows in one. But I would say all the time how great it felt when someone made the show their Instagram story when someone posted about it. And it felt like someone took a feather and just tickled my nuts with it. And the seam, that little middle seam that where the Lord above sewed me up, just that took a little feather. And they were a little tiny fairy and they were holding a little tiny feather and they were going up and down my seam. That's how it feels. A feather on my nuts. So that's where feather feather is from. If you were like, oh, that's so nice. I like a feather. Well, it was a nuts feather the whole time. Gotcha. Okay, well, to go back, you're a listener, subscriber and recently a Patreon member as well. Well, thank you. That really feathers my nuts. Woo. Happy to have all the access. Now. I look forward to listening to your thoughts every week and you always bring a smile to my face and a laugh to my day. Thank. Thank you for all you do. This is the, the, the kindness, the warmth. Okay. Help. I've been dating this guy since September. Okay? I'm. I'm. It is December 29th. To me. That's half a school year. Okay, you dated first semester of, of 2020. That's first semester. And. And that is. You are in it. And we booked a three week trip trip to Europe in January. Whoa. It's coming. But over the last few weeks. Oh, I've really been having second thoughts on this relationship just because of long term compatibility reasons. I. E. Age difference, stages in life. The whole trip is booked on his dime as he makes a lot more money than I do. So this is tough. I. I can understand that just from that. From where we are now, not knowing much more. This feels like it's uneven. I would feel like I am, you know, you're going on a trip on his dime. Three weeks. Which. Who has three weeks in January? Hey, let's get the year started. Oh, we're going to Central pay for three weeks. Like I could understand the apprehension you are. You know, you go on a trip where they pay for everything and then afterwards you're still. And. And you're not sure about it. And you go, you come out of it on the other end. You feel like you owe them something, you owe them a relationship. And then how long do you owe them for what? How many months of, you know. And again, these are all like kind of gross, icky thoughts. How long am I stuck if I take a three week trip, you know, on someone else's d. You know, and no one wants to think that way, but some, especially if you're questioning the relationship, you go, okay, I'm not sure about this relationship. And now it's how long do I have to stay to. To. To not feel like I'm a piece of. The answer is always, I should have ended it yesterday. But that's not how we work. And especially this three week trip in January. So it does make me even more anxious about calling off the trip because they're paying. Okay, the whole trip is booked on his dime. He makes a lot more money than I do. So it makes me even more anxious about calling off the trip. I don't want to hurt his feelings. And for him to lose money, those are all irrelevant in the grand scheme of life. I know it feels big now, but I wouldn't, you know, if I'm paying for a trip, I would, I would rather go alone than be in bed with someone who didn't want to be there. If I'm to be honest. And that would, at first it would sting and it would hurt me if I'm to put myself in his position. And I, and the other position too, I wouldn't want to be paid for if. And on a trip where I'm not really sure about the person. Perhaps this is why you don't book such long trips only a few months into a relationship. So I have a couple questions. Well, listen, I don't live in the land of don't. I live in the land of what's the deal? The deal here? You know the idea that, oh, you shouldn't book a trip. Yeah. Hypothetically. But you're in this relationship. This person gets excited to invite you on this three week trip. Let's go to Europe. I like you. I want to see where this would go. I can understand where you go. Yes, I'm in. And then you start. And then you have to like wear it. Yes, let's go to your. You know, when a lot of people go on dates and they're like, why did they say all these nice things? Why did they say how they want to go out again? Why'd they say, hey, maybe we should do a weekend trip? I call them the we shoulds. And sometimes it's manipulative. Hey, we should go out. We should go to. We should do a weekend in Tahoe. We should do this. And you're on a first date and you're like, why are we talking that far ahead? And sometimes it's. They really did feel that way in the moment. And then you wear it. You wear the three week, we're going for three weeks to Europe in January. And the longer you wear it, the heavier that attire becomes, the more that becomes a burden. You go, ah, damn it. I'm not acting as honestly as I would today because of this thing we have planned in the future. And that doesn't feel good. So here are the questions. Jared, what are your thoughts on trip lengths and relationships? I wouldn't be on a three week trip. Here's the thing. I don't go on trips. I don't think the trip length is as important as the money. I don't go on trips that I can't afford. Even if someone is, I think early and I'm stammering a little bit. I can only give you personal experience up to a certain point. Listen, if I was getting married to someone and we're on this and let's say I married someone who was looking to take me on a three week trip, I would hope that I love them so much that I don't feel uncomfortable that I'm on a trip that is being gifted to me out of the goodness of their heart because we love each other. I can speak to six months in or what, it's September. You know, a first semester relationship like you're in. I wouldn't go on a trip that I couldn't afford even if the other person was paying. I would go on a trip that I would be able to buy my way out of. That would be my, you know, if I was to give a rule. But I don't believe in the rule because I do think if you were in love with this person, you wouldn't think about the truth. You go, I can't wait to go with them. You wouldn't care that it locks you in because you wanted to be locked in. So I think going on, you know, if someone presented, if I started dating someone in September and then let's call it, well, it's December now. So this happened pretty quick. I don't like to give you a rule. I don't think I would be in on a three week trip where I had no control over the situation and no autonomy, so to speak. Because that's what you lose when you, oh, I'll pay for everything. I got it. And again, I understand why it's hard to be like, well, no, no thank you. Because you're like, you're just rocking and rolling in this thing. You're trying to see what this is. I think sometimes these trips, when they're put out that far ahead, it is a little bit them controlling the narrative. It's for, you know, there's another side to this where they're like, bring up this trip because okay, I know I got her until end of January at least. I know it's more. And I'm not saying it's to. It's not as evil as it is their insecurities. Oh, she said yes to the trip. Okay, cool, we're good. Yes to the trip means we're good. And that's why you're getting nervous, cuz you're like, this person thinks we're good cuz I said yes to the trip. It goes both ways now. So that's your first question, Jared, what are your thoughts on trip lengths and relationships? This isn't something I would do, but I can't say I wouldn't do it. That's the shittiest advice ever. I'm sorry. It's the truth though. Sitting here in my parents house in Boca. No, I wouldn't go on a three week trip with someone if they were paying. I, if it meant that like we're together forever. If I'm in this thing and it's November and they're like, we should go three weeks to Europe in January. I got it all done. It's all set up. I'd be like, awesome, amazing. I'd be clinking martini glasses and then I'd wake up the next day, yeah, I guess I'm going. And then it would get longer. I go, oh man, hey, I think I got a haircut then. So that's my thoughts on the lengths do I go on the trip? What would you do? I don't know. If you go on the trip, I think you got to talk to them about how you're feeling. There's something I've kind of skipped over. You said the compatibility reasons, age difference, stages in life. Well, I would open up about that. And the reason you're opening up about that is because this relationship, and I guess this is my guide to the talk with this person. Because age difference and stages of life, those feelings could be just like you getting ahead, getting nervous about how is this going to work. It might not be that you aren't attracted to them. It might not be that you're not into them. These are like, if you wrote, I'm not really attracted to them and they're kind of annoying and they're mean to me, that'd be different age, different stages in life. That's you being like, how's this? You know, because it's quick, it's September. You're, you're basically saying, if I go on this trip, I am saying I'm serious with this person. Now you're going. Now you're thinking in a world of YouTube being serious and you're going, They're 50, I'm 30. They can take a three week trip. I can't take a three week trip. I want to. I have my career now. So I think it is worthy of a conversation with this person to go, hey, this trip is like kind of a once in a lifetime thing and I'd be spending it with you. And maybe we turn into something so much more serious. And it's so quick. I got to talk to you about this other serious stuff because going on this trip where it is me basically saying that I want to be more serious with you means I have to think about these other things like your age difference and stage in life, how do you see kids? And I think you have a right again. You always have a right to any conversation you want to have. I think the trip gives you the right, like gives you the kind of the reason to start these conversations and the feedback might be, oh, it's too soon. It's too this. No, no, no, no. We're going on a three week trip to Europe together. That means we are in it. We are swimming in this serious waters. I got some other concerns that I'm really getting anxious about. So do I go on the trip? I don't know. I think if you bring these things up and they're just stiff arming you, then you know right away, I can't go on the trip. We can't talk about serious things. This is a serious trip. You know, I think like, you know, the other option of like giving excuses and I don't know. And hey, I got this work thing that came up that is all side doors around talking about you and him as a serious relationship. I'm not saying I am above that. I am. You're listening to Mr. Side Door, you know, Pitbull, Mr. Worldwide. I am Mr. Side Door. I'm going to have the easier conversation a lot of times. That's why I always acknowledge it. I can't say that I'm above that. I'm just saying this trip coming up and your being not sure is an opportunity because the problems you brought up are very normal. You got a big age difference and you're at different stages of life. To me those are the same problem. That is you saying, am I going to marry a 50 year old? And then they'd be like, well, I'm not bringing about marriage, we're just going on a three week trip to Europe. Well, I didn't, I don't think I'm gonna go on a three week trip to Europe with someone I'm not thinking of marriage with. So how do you know when it's time to leave a relationship? What's worth fighting for? I don't know. I can't tell you that. How do I know when? I mean, if you don't love them. I do think some, something like this, where they might not see it as they're like, you know, this person who can afford a three week trip to Europe and is in a certain stage of life, they may go, it's just a three week. What, what do you care? But you can't go backwards. The page has been turned. So I've had this in relationships where it's like, we're having fun, we're having fun. And then it's like, okay, this thing is now we are entering to this world. It's why I say beware of trips, birthdays, holidays, all that stuff. Why do breakups happen before those things or after those things? It's because you can't unlive those things. You can't unlive this trip that's coming up that you agreed to that's making you think about your, you know, you can't go back to one month in with someone that's 20 years older than you and you go, this is fun. I didn't think I'd like them. It doesn't last forever. Reality sets in. So how do you know when it's time to leave a relationship? I can't tell you. I mean, to me, if you can't have this conversation about what this trip means to your relationship, then you can't have a relationship. And that's when you go, okay, well we're not having the right Conversations. It's time for me to go. Sometimes that's why people bring up a trip. You know, it goes both ways. As I've said many times already this episode, sometimes people bring up a trips because they go, let me, you know, let's get this to the next level. Let's get the conversations moving in the more serious direction. So you got to talk to them. I think like my overall advice is the trip is making me think of a world where we have taken a three week trip together to Europe and where are we then? How do you feel about that? Can you understand why this is weighing on me? That I feel in a position of owing? I think that's an okay word to use with someone you're paying for three. Here's. You know, I would acknowledge that you're paying for a three week trip to Europe for me. Can you understand how that might make me feel like we are in something very serious? That I might be in a position where I feel, I'm, I don't want to feel I'm taking advantage of anyone If I'm not 1000% sure about us. You know, maybe this person goes put off the trip. Let's, let's take the trip and we're both excited. That can happen. I mean, if you could take a three week trip in January, you could take a three week trip anytime. And you know, you're worried about the money and them losing out. I forget that that's not your problem. And if it is, if they say to you, well, I'm going to lose all this money, do whatever you can to give them the money. Here's half. Go fuck yourself. J Train Podcast. Comm. J Train Podcast. That's where you send their emails. Great email. Fantastic. Love that one. We have one ad. Support the sponsors if they can support you. I like saying it that way because not every ad is for everybody like Nutrafol. I am very lucky to have the hair that I have. I do feel lucky for that. I like my hair. There are people out there that are dealing with hair issues and there's a lot of different options. Nutrafol is an option that my mom has used and loves it, sees results, keeps ordering more. How do I know she keeps ordering more? 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We do a minimum of 20 minutes group trip canceled because of accidental voice memo. This is from a Patreon subscriber. So thank you for sending it in. I heard you need Monday mailbag, so I'm hoping the super cringy friendship group chat scenario makes it on. Are you kidding me? I told you. Super cringy friendship group chat scenario. I mean, are you. That's literally my love language. I've been a fan for years, have taken many friends and family to see some of your Phoenix shows. Love the comedy podcasts and bachelor recaps. Thank you. Me and my best friend will call her Kayla Voice memo all day, every day. Well, so I'm, I dabble in the voice memo game. I've. I've. I guess I could see how this is. You send a voice memo, she sends a voice memo. The thing about the voice memo that is somewhat annoying is it adds like this, like I have to like zone in for it. There's no like half responded to voice memo because once you play it, it's gone. I think you can save it. But I always feel, I guess I'm just saying for me, when I do a voice memo, if I see one, I'm like, okay, I have to like make sure I can't just like kind of look at this. Like, I have to answer it right away. So I don't know if that helps us where my advice go. But I'm just saying, you know, when I get a voice memoir, you, you put aside, you go, oh, voice memo. I'll come back to this or let me get into this now. Well, so my best friend will call her Kayla voice memo all day, every day while meaning to send me a nine minute voice memo. Nine minutes. I mean, that's a podcast spanning topics from trying to find parking to talking shit about her friend's birthday weekend trip. She accidentally sent it to her friend's birthday birthday weekend cabin trip group chat. Listen, I understand sending the wrong text to the wrong person. I don't understand sending a nine minute voice memo to a different group chat. Listen, anything can happen. That is brutal. So this person sent you a nine minute voice memo spanning topics from trying to find parking to talking shit about her friend's birthday weekend trip. She actually sent it to accidentally sent it to her friend's birthday weekend cabin trip group chat. So she talks shit to the group that she's literally going on the trip with. By the time one of the girls texted Kayla to ask her if she meant to send that, at least some of the girls had listened. She, among some other things, she, among some other things, said how the trip would be boring because of the rain, not so bad. And how one specific girl invited has a bullshit friendship with the birthday girl and always is always talking badly about her before she could unsend it. That's bad. I'm not. Well, you say among other things to me, these if only the memorable things are the things that you have an issue with, let's take would be bo, the trip's gonna be boring cause of the rain. That's fine. One specific girl invited has a bullshit friendship with the birthday girl and is always talking badly about her before she could unsend it. The problem with that is that you've created many arguments with that one. You're saying that there's a girl on this trip that has a bullshit relationship with the birthday girl and talks Shit about that birthday girl. So now there's a division between those two, and they both are mad at you. The person sending it. One of the girls silently left the group chat. Oi. She. Homer Simpson. Out of that thing, back into the bushes. Nope. Check, please. I'm gonna go. Another gave a snarky remark about being accused of a bullshit friendship. Oh, so this girl came out full attack mode and then left the chat. Oh, so she dropped a grenade and said tata. Another girl claimed she couldn't make the cabin trip for other reasons. I like that girl. Hey, guys, I've been thinking about the trip. My mom is gonna be sick that week, so I'm gonna have to back up. But have fun. Within a span of 20 minutes, this trip was canceled by the birthday girl, and the once fun birthday group chat was now dead. Whoo. Well, to me, before we read on, I would say one shitty voice note within 20 minutes of this trip is going to be boring because of the rain. And one girl's kind of a bullshit friend of the birthday girl and kind of talk shit about her. I don't think this group was as tightly formed as maybe they would say it was. These weren't the sisterhood of the traveling pants. This wasn't. So I. I will say this to. To let this person feel a little bit better. You. You did the work time would have done. I don't think a group chat, a group trip to a cabin, a birthday weekend just dissolves in 20 minutes because one person talked a little shit, I think. And again, I think this happens for women more than men. And again, I'm not trying to, like, say one is better than the other. Actually, I would say the female version is better. Women really try to keep their friendships. They work on their friendships. Go out on the West Village on a summer night, on a Thursday. Every dinner table is groups of women, one on ones. Three women, two women, four. Four. Never men. There's never men sitting across the table from each other. So with this work to keep relationships that is good, that is healthy, you have people you can go to, you have people you have access to. But then I think with that also comes keeping like a sinking ship afloat. And, you know, that's comes with the. You get good and bad if you want to have old relationships. And me, my friendships, There is no friendship that is beyond shit talking. I'll give you an example. I fucked up the other day. I really feel badly about this. My friend. My friend and his wife, they've been married since college. They're Good friends of mine, I love them both very much. It was her 40th birthday. I really did feel bad about this, but this actually makes sense towards the email to show you. Okay. It's her 40th birthday. I get a text, like, it looked like an automated text. It looks like one of those texts that was like spam. And it was like, so and so's birthday is coming up. And so and so a name I don't know is putting together a birthday video. Hit this link to submit your happy birthday to your friend now. I didn't like the nature of it. I didn't like the text. I don't like that. I didn't. I'm not going to click on a link. My phone is literally the most important thing in my life. That is my work, that is my social. I'm not fucking with my phone. I'm not clicking. Random link from Rando. Yes, I recognize the name of the birthday person. I just. This whole make a birthday video thing is new. It's a new horizon. I do think it's a great idea. I do think, hey, we're gonna compile all your friends and family to have a fun, like, video we can put up on the big screen on your 40th. Fantastic idea. My request, send an email. Send an email that's like, hey, everyone. For those that don't know, you know, do the speech that the bridesmaid does at the wedding. For those that don't know me, I'm her friend from camp, you know, that type of thing. So I got this text. It looked like spam. I'm not clicking it. Apparently I wasn't alone because her husband, one of my close friends, texted a bunch of us to be like, hey, this video is getting made. Can you guys hit, you know, send in your video by Saturday? So obviously there was a lack of participation from my segment of their life. My segment being the college friends. So I, So I made this. I got drunk and I made this happy birthday thing where I talk shit on my friend's friend saying that, you know, everyone lied. And I probably. And then I sent it. It was like, happy fucking birthday to my friend. And then I go, and whoever put this thing together, you did a bullshit job. I'm talking shit. And then I go and I end it with happy fucking birthday. So I go on this like, big shit talk birthday thing. And then I sent it in and in my, you know, I sober up and I'm like, I don't think I look great. I'm like, did I Just ruin the video. I got anxious. I thought it was funny, but I was like, I could see how someone wouldn't find this funny. I could see how their friend would be like, who is this guy? Why is he being such a dick? I could see how her parents were like, hey, look at the video we made for her birthday. And then I'm swearing. I immediately felt bad. I got a little anxious about it. And then I saw someone post from the birthday and I wrote to them. I was like, did my video make the cut? And they were like, it didn't. With, like a clenched teeth emoji. And then I was like, really? And they're like, no, it made it. They, you know, I go, did it? Did they get mad? And then 10 seconds later, I get a call from my friend to let me know it wasn't even, you know, it wasn't even said. I go, what? How'd it go? He goes, we just said uncle Jared likes to swear. So obviously it bombed. Obviously I fucked up. Obviously we're close enough friends where a call came right away to go, we don't care. It's fine. It was. We. We got the joke. But many may. The vibe was we got it. Many did not. That was the vibe. But I. I felt that's friendship, you know, I, again, if I. If the roles were reversed, I wouldn't care, but maybe there's, again, who I would. I would do. I would like to think I would do the same. I wouldn't be sitting there going, how could they send this video? I got my kids watching. But this is all to say our friendship is strong enough that I can fuck up. You do not have a strong. Or your friend who sent the group voice note. This group chat was fraudulent. This birthday trip, yes, it was going to be boring, but probably money that no one needed to spend. And you kind of did everyone a favor if it. If a group trip can just dissolve in 20 minutes, then that group trip never should have happened. And I know that you don't feel good or your friend doesn't feel good being the person to do that. No one wants to be that person in the grand scheme of life. You've done everyone a huge favor. So I'm gonna go back to your email. The birthday girl told Kayla that it's okay and not to worry, but is there anything specific to do or say to help truly make up and make the birthday girl feel special and like a good friend again? I actually think there's opportunity here to really make your friend, you know, obviously not Everyone in that group chats friendship. Group chat. Friendship is the same with this birthday girl. You or your friend care very much that they don't want that person to not feel special in their day. To me, you've saved money and you can make your friendship better. So hey, can we do. I would go to her and be like, I feel really badly about us not doing the trip. I feel a little bit responsible. Take. Take the. Take the loss. Take the. You know, hey, I. I think I fucked up. I think I'm the reason this trip isn't happening. I. I would love. Can we do dinner that on Saturday and let me plan something fun. The other girls she is not really friends with and sees like once a year at mutual events. So. So we only really care to do damage control with the actual birthday girls friendship. Yeah. I. I wouldn't. I wouldn't try and get the gang back together. The. The gang is gone. Do we go funny? Do we go overly sincere? How do we not lose? How do we not beat a dead horse by saying sorry so many times? This is such a fantastic email. Please. She needs your insights and she'll become a new listener once I make her listen to this episode. Sincerely, Karma for people who voice memo too much. Well, I definitely hope that she sees I've seen the positive to me again. She did this group a favor. No group trip that dissolves in 20 minutes was a group trip that should happen. And I think you gotta go direct to the birthday girl, you and your friend. And hey, I feel really badly about the trip not happening. I do feel somewhat responsible. I'm not gonna apologize the rest of my life, but I'm telling you I'm sorry and I feel badly. Can I plan a night for you? Can I plan a birthday night? You. And again, the woman writing in you seem to know this friend too. Get yourself involved. Create a new group, a new fun group. From the death of this boring loser group, a new group shall emerge closer and better for it. That is the point of this. So. And then plan a night thoughtfully. I would. I would say and there's nothing more fun than when someone else has a schedule for you. Be the, you know, the, the. The scheduler. I would do. Listen, if you message me, I'm coming to Phoenix. I'm going to regret this birthday's ruined shows. You can come say hello and we'll do a whole personalized thing and I'll get you tickets to my show. How about that? You've come to shows before. You've brought friends. If they want. If. If you want to make my show a part of this birthday plan with this girl, I would be more than happy. You send me a dm, I'll get you the tickets, I'll. I'll. I'll come meet you guys, take pictures, all that stuff. I'll give you special attention, so to speak, if that. I mean, maybe your friend's like, I hate that guy. Oh, okay, then that's not. I'm giving ideas here. But I would say if I. If I were in your position, you. You it. You're gonna end up spending half the money to make your friend seven times more happy. I do believe that. So again, I've made myself available to try and help with this. I can't thank you enough for the great email. Maybe it's just you three. You get like a. Like a stripper or some. I don't know. You do like a pre game. I'm a big. I don't know how old you guys are. I'm a big daytime brunch into the what can come from the night. Maybe you guys get a hotel. You do a local staycation. Three women in a hotel. You said you're in Phoenix. What a fun. Go to. What's that area, Tempe? That's the thing about Arizona is like, it does feel like these areas you can go to. You go like half hour away and you feel like you're in this like other vacation town. Like there's a. Like there's options there. So I mailbag Monday. Happy New Year. Back tomorrow with ticked off Tuesday. Boom.