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The JTrain Podcast
He dumped me because I'm not Jewish!! - MONDAY MAILBAG - The JTrain Podcast w Jared Freid
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Jared Freed
It's a mailbag, Munder. You got problems there. I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag. Monday. Hello and welcome to coffee with J Train. This is J Train Jared Freed coming live from St. Charles, Illinois. That's right. Every Friday with your Patreon membership. We go through the week that was. We tell some stories. I got some stories in front of me. I got some notes jotted down for this episode. I'm in St. Charles. I've been to St. Charles, Illinois before, weirdly enough. Yes, I have. It is. St. Charles is about an hour from downtown Chicago, I think it is. I was here before to do shows. I did a weekend of shows, Zany's Comedy Club, which is like the famous comedy club in Chicago. And Zany's is like. Is like a, you know, 110 seats. And it's in Old Town, which is like, you know, a fun area that people move to out of college. And they had a couple other, like, satellite clubs ones. One was in Rosemont, which was, like, near the airport, I remember. And I did that one one time, and then another was in St. Charles, and way back when I did it, and it was like, at a resort, you'd be like, what resort is in, like, suburban Chicago? Yeah, it was like this hotel, weird resort that, like, it felt like couples would go to on a honeymoon. Way back when, when air travel wasn't a thing. Like, it just. And I remember there was a Zany's in it. And I remember having fun. I remember the shows were good. And you go, well, you know, this date has been on my calendar for a while. It's Batavia, Illinois, is what I've been putting on my. And I've. On my, like, you know, posts on social media, and I've gotten so many messages because. And I get it. You see on my calendar, like, it says, Sydney, Australia, New York City. You know, where else have I been? You know, Tarrytown, New York, is western. I don't know, Tarrytown. I guess people would know that. And then it says, batavia, Illinois. And you go, what? What? And if you. Especially if you know it and you live near here, you're like, wait, why wouldn't you? You're kind of close enough to Chicago. Why wouldn't you just do Chicago? And there's reasons for everything. It starts at Chicago's a place. And I think I've explained this here before, but I guess this gets us into. What I'm going to talk about today is, like, the process of creating material. The process of doing standup. Standup is a niche thing. It is. Everyone's a fan of comedy. Not everyone's a fan of stand up. There's a very big difference. Everyone's a fan of laughing. Not everyone's a fan of stand up. Everyone. You know, it's the difference between is someone funny versus someone having a good personality. There's a thin line between the two. And I don't think anyone would say. To say someone isn't funny is like kind of like mean. Why would you say it? Why would you be that harsh? To say someone has. Doesn't have a good personality, that is harsh as well. But it's. You're saying something different. You know, that person's funny is like, whoa, what are we dealing with here? That's why if you, you know, if I'm brought somewhere and someone goes, oh, he's really funny now, it's like, I gotta be even funnier than someone's expectation of what funny is to someone. It's. It's a hard way to introduce someone. And I'm sure all of you understand that if someone's ever said, you're funny, you go, well, quiet down. Let me, let me see. I hope I am. Maybe not tonight. And so I know, I don't think nobody knows the process of standup comedy. I mean, it's very nice of you. I get, you know, for you guys to sign up for Patreon. First of all, thank you for being Patreon subscribers. As I've said every week, I say on this podcast, I really do love doing this podcast. It is, you know, is a diary for me. And, you know, I just appreciate that you guys are on this paid platform when I put out so much stuff that is just out there and available. Thank you. And some of this stories here is inside baseball of like, what it is to be a standup comedian who isn't Jerry Seinfeld. That's the thing. When you say you do stand up, it is either Jerry Seinfeld or you're nobody. And nobody kind of understands the lifestyle of a. I guess I would call it a middle class comedian. You know, I'm known, but not by everybody. More people don't know me that know me. And that's okay. I'm fine with that. And here's the thing. I do like working on stand up comedy. I do like work. So what is the process? The process is you tape a special and you got nothing. And every day until that, that special comes out, wherever it may come Out. So Tarrytown. I taped a special that stuff is done in ink. Those jokes are over. I could do versions of material, but there's even jokes that I'm working on now that I'm like, it's a little close to something I did on the special. I gotta maybe walk away from. I gotta take a different direction. That has to be kept in mind. You don't wanna just keep going up and doing the same version of the same joke, you know, of the same subjects. I. You wanna. You want someone go, oh, that's like your other joke that you do. You know, it's not. That's not what you want. And again, who. Who am I abiding to? Like, who. Who are you worried about? You're worried about someone who likes you, who likes your material. So my concern is that I want to go. I want to be able to tour with 45 minutes to an hour that is different than the hour that is going to go out on wherever it ends up. So the process has begun. And again, you also have to, like, make sure that you have stuff that is, you know, because I, you know, it has to be good. No, but it has to hold up to the material you put out. You know, Another fear of mine is because I do believe, and I hope I'm not delusional, that the. The product that we're going to make, the special is going to be good. And do I have something that can. That someone can go to the show and go, oh, the live show was good. You know, just as good as the special. That's what you want. You know, the fear is someone comes to the next show because they saw the special and they go, he wasn't that great. And I think everyone, every comic, I mean, stand up has this fear. But I think some more than others, I think, you know, this is what. This is where. You know, this is where the work comes in. So why go to Batavia? So now that the material. I did Chicago in March. I did what got taped in Tarrytown in March. So I didn't feel comfortable. You know, I could go to Chicago, do the Vic Theater, and go do. And do the same materials March. You could do that. I don't want to do that. Or there's a. You know, my agent says, jared, there's a comedy club in Batavia. It's an hour away from downtown, different market you can work on. You can be in a club that's like a smaller venue, 200 seats, and you can work on the new material in front of a. A Kind audience that is Chicago adjacent. Maybe they're the people that don't make it into the city, the people that don't want to drive in, the people that have a kid and have to get a sitter. So now I can do a combo of the stuff from Tarrytown, which is that. That's kind of how I play it. Let's do stuff from Tarrytown in the beginning, maybe, and then get into some new stuff in the middle and then close out with strong jokes at the end. That's the plan. And this whole week, I was at the Comedy Cellar and working on new stuff, and I do have, like, a new direction, a new thought, a new. Some new fun stuff that I'm, like, kind of in the premise phase of, and it's getting better and better every time I go on stage, and that's exciting to me. I'm excited to do that. I'm excited to be in Batavia. And someone's like, what are you doing in Batavia? Why would you go to the middle of nowhere? And it's like, I can't wait to be in the middle of nowhere doing, you know, these jokes that could become a new set. That's exciting. So that's what starts this podcast. I go to Des Moines, Iowa, last weekend for the same reason I'm in Batavia now. Des Moines has a Funny Bone Comedy club. It is a place. I hadn't done the material that got taped in Tarrytown, so I could. I have all those jokes, you know, access to all those jokes, as well as a pad of paper where I can write down some notes and, like, give some things a shot. Now, when you're trying to work out material, you do need, first of all, you need confidence, which is something I, you know, have, have and don't have, as most of us are. You. You're probably. You're the same as me. We all have. We have good days, and we have bad days. I think confidence is a result of atmosphere. A lot of times, sometimes a crowd just has a vibe where they feel forgiving and fun, and they let you try stuff. Sometimes you see a crowd and the whole front has arms crossed, and it's the boyfriend looking down your throat, and you go, just, I don't want to do new stuff here. I got to make sure these people like me. I. I wish I was more. I wish I didn't have as much ebbs and flows of confidence as I have. So Des Moines was a place where, okay, in my mind, as far as money's concerned, not a Good money place. I'm going to be upfront and honest with you. Not a place because one, I'm not going to be able to. I know I don't have a huge audience there. Not generally a place I'm gonna like, get, you know, packed, sold out shows. That's okay, I understand that. But it's a place I can do material and have fun and be in a comedy club setting where you can work on shit. So that was the plan. I. So it was three shows and three shows. I think I said this last week is like not a win. Like five shows in a weekend is usually the deal. This is three shows, so. But it's Friday and Saturday. Fly in, do the one show Friday night, which is a fun night. One show. That's what I have here in Batavia tonight. I'm here on a Thursday. And then Saturday would be two shows. And the last time I was in Des Moines was the Pandemic. It was like 2021. And I remember being like, fun, good people. And I was like, excited. So I walk into the club on Friday and they are like. And they're very nice. And I'm like, I get there right on time. So shows at 7, I show up at 7. I was even maybe a couple minutes late because I took an Uber. It was hard to get Ubers. But I texted the people that were my point of contact there. Hey, I'm on my way. Just letting you know, but please start the show on time, you know, so that we can get it going. Because there was two openers. I had a host and a feature. And this is by design, usually have one opener. But in case I didn't have the amount of material that I'd like to have, I wanted to make sure there was a full show. So I asked for, you know, I had a host and a feature. And the host was Spencer Gordman. Great guy. He's going to be here in Batavia this weekend. And then Lotto Marie, who's been on the road with me a bunch, she's the best. So I get to the club and immediately I am approached by someone who works there being or one of the managers, the people in charge. And they're like, listen, we have a holiday party. I would say there was like almost 200 people. Ish. They go, there's a holiday party here now. I go, okay. They go, they have are there and they're a little wild. And I go, okay. And they go, they've already been. They're pretty drunk. And we've already warned Them that a couple times about the show and how they have to be good. This is a bad report. This is a bad thing to hear. When you walk in, that means these people are hammered. Which again, if you're gonna have a holiday party, you should get hammered. You should. I don't think there's a drunker person than holiday person. The holiday party drunk. If you go out in New York, in New York City this time of year, it is just bars full of post holiday party people. And I would say a holiday party person, for whatever reason to me, just looks the greasiest of all the drunks. Like, it is just like. I guess it's like that post work close. I'm kind of just getting drunker than I have in a long time. I'm around my bosses and co workers is just. It's not a dangerous vibe. It's just a gross vibe to me. I, and I'm saying this because I am in the service industry. I provide comedy and laugh. So I work at night. So I don't have a relation to day job. You know, like the work during the day. And then we're going to have this, we're going to get all these people that you have a professional relationship with into this fun drunk setting. I, I do understand how it all happens. I just don't have, you know, the yearly event. And I think I, I do kind of watch it from afar. If you watch like the bartenders at bars, like, they kind of like a lot of people that I know that work at these bars, they're like, it's that time of year. Here we go, all hands on deck. It's not like they're excited for it. They're more like stretching out their limbs to get ready for it. It's a different vibe. So I, my issue is the club in Des Moines is my business partner. So if you want to look at it, you know, I don't know how other comedians look at things. I do have a business, an economics background. I was an economics major in college. I am entrepreneurial. I do think of things in a business way. And maybe every comedian wouldn't say this, but if I go to a club where I can encourage, where I'm encouraging people for months at a time to come to the club, we are partners. They provide the space, they provide the security, the stage, the sound, the seats. I provide as many people as I can encourage to come and a good show. So we are partners. I don't work for them, they don't work for me. We Are business partners. And my job, my end of the bargain is to bring a good show and bring as many people as I can to come see my good show. Their job is to make sure the show can run smoothly and serve good drinks and have healthy food that's not contaminated. These are things you don't think of until you think of. So when I walk in and you go, hey, we have a. So they go, there's like a 40 person holiday party here. And they're like out of control. There's a piece of me that's like a little bit angry at my business partner because I go, what did you feed these people? What's their deal? And genuinely, I don't know what the deal is. I can understand that. They say, jared, we gotta fill this room. So what we did is we did a 2 for 1 deal for this, you know, holiday party. And we also gave them two free drinks each. I don't know. I don't know. These are just. This is my. I just don't know what. Let's say they. I don't know what hand the club has in how drunk these people got. Now I'm going to be empathetic to their position. People get drunk at holiday parties. So let's say they did nothing. They just like. Let's say there was no deal, no nothing. They just had someone call and we're going to bring 40 people for a holiday party. Then the club did, you know, nothing they can do except kind of police this group of 40. So I said to the person from the club, I go, hey, I listen. So they go, we got a group of 40. They've already been warned. How do you want to play? This is what they said to me. And I. And what they mean by that is like, do you. How quickly do you want us to throw people out? Do you have a no tolerance policy? You know, there's some comedians who would just say, get out. You know, and it's funny because, like, I told my mom this story and she's like, just tell them to leave. That's not my vibe. I'm okay to have fun with an audience. And I said this to them. I go, listen, I can have fun with it. I go. And I said, I'm gonna have as much fun as I can with it, but they have to allow me to do a show because the other people that I invited that aren't part of this, you know, the other people that are here, not part of this holiday party didn't buy a ticket for comedian jousts. With Holiday Party. That's not what they bought. They came for a show where they're gonna laugh every 10 seconds. That's what they want, and that's my responsibility. And again, look at even the way I'm talking right now, like, I feel like such a douche. I feel like the fucking substitute teacher. That's not how it should be. I don't want to be businessman Jared, who's talking about his business partner. So when I said that to them, because. And this happens to me a lot, I can talk to the audience. I'm okay with it. I can make it fun. But because of that, they go, okay, he's got it handled. And then they don't help at all. I need a little bit of a. You know, I need someone to take a taste of the room and go, hey, just want to make sure, like, go talk to these people. Hey, you're being a little loud. So, you know, go and just do a little pressure check. And again, to their credit, they're already doing this. They're warning them before the show. But if you have to warn a party before the show, we are in for a show that is not the one I'm bringing. So Spencer goes up, Lotto goes up, and they're basically doing comedy in what I would call a loud restaurant. The group is. And not by any fault of theirs, they're doing as best as they can. They are trying to engage with them, but you engage with them. They're talking. You know, they're talking with each other. They're not really letting the air in the room exist for a joke to happen. You know, all these people, oh, comedy's all about timing. Everyone knows that, but no one knows what timing means. Timing means letting the silence build to, like, let the balloon pop to create a laugh. They. They're taught doing. They're doing their acts. They're doing the best they can. But this group is kind of owning the room. So before I go on stage, I'm like, okay, I'll play it. I'm gonna play it slow. And this is the pep talk I had with myself. I said, jared, keep it. Slow it down. Engage. Be happy. Go lucky. Treat them like toddlers. They have to be treated like toddlers, but, like, in a way that's, like, slow, methodical. And also, I said, be happy. You can't. Look, anger is a loss of control. So when you're on stage, you can never get angry. You can't let it affect you, because that is you losing control. And I've Gotten angry on stage. It sucks. It never works. You have to be fun angry. You can't be angry angry. So I said, jared, just be fun. Treat them a little bit like toddlers and engage with them and give them the moment that they obviously want because they're talking loud enough to make it about themselves. So that. And this is my psychology going in, that the audience who's not part of that party can see that you've given them a chance to be nice people. You can't just come on and yell at them. You have to go on, give them a chance to fuck up, give them enough rope to hang themselves with, as the saying goes, and then you can make fun of them when you have the audience on your side. If you ever seen, like, Gladiator, you have to have the audience. Roman Coliseum, shit, you have to have the audience on your side to be able to crush a bad audience member. So I. So you don't get that unless you go up and give this group a chance to be dicks. Because being loud isn't being a dick. Being loud is just being loud. So. And when you're mean to someone who's loud, someone in the back goes, well, I didn't hear it. Why is he being mean to them? So this is all to explain kind of my psychology going in. And I'm going to give a trigger warning if you. If certain subjects, you know, like suicide, bother you. Just. I think you should probably exit right now. And I'm giving you that opportunity to exit. Okay, So I go on stage after the two openers. Again, they're doing their best. It is just a loud room and it's just this group is being. Is in control. So Spencer brings me up, he goes, and now give it up for Jared, your headliner, Jared Freed. And I would say half the room clapped and the whole party, the holiday party, no claps from them. Like, they barely even looked at me coming on stage. There was a weird energy. There's a guy in the front of their party who's like sitting, lean back with his arms crossed, his legs wide open, and he's like at the front of their whole group. And I would say he's kind of the representative of the whole holiday party. And this happens with, like a holiday party at a show. Get him. That's our. That's Connor. Get Connor. So he's kind of like the spokesperson for the douchey fucking company. So I go on stage and they're just not clapping, represented by guy with arms crossed, feet out in a. In A chair leaned back. And I hope I'm painting the picture well enough. And I would say the company, they're not in suits. They. They more look like they all work at a bass pro shop, which is fine. You're on your holiday party. I don't know what they do. So I go, hey, Des Moines, how we doing? It's always funny to me when you say Des Moines in a room where it's like two thirds full and people clap. But it's like the people that are there, because maybe you're listening right now. You're maybe one of the people that clap. But you could feel it wasn't a comfortable energy in the room. You could feel it. So I go, I love Des Moines. And that kind of gets like a no. 1. They all act like I'm lying. I go, I guess you guys think I'm lying. I know I'm having a good time here. Thank you for having me. Give it up for your openers. Give it up for Lotto Marie and Spencer Gordman. You know, they clap again, Same shitty energy. That group is just like. They're not even, like. They're, like, barely listening. And I look, I go. And I go to the holiday party. I go, and you guys are celebrating. You guys are having your holiday party. Give it up for these guys. Having their holiday party tonight with us. And I have the audience. I go clap for them. That's great. They're having a great time. And I look at them. I go, so if you don't mind me asking, what do you guys do? And the guy who's sitting with the lean back and his arms crossed, he goes, we sell stuff. I'm not making up any of this. And again, I was nice. What do you guys do? We didn't even ask you guys. But again, to go back to, like, my game plan, it's working. The whole audience just watched me ask nicely what they do for work. And then the guy is shitty. There's only one way to describe. We sell stuff. With your arms crossed. So I go. So I look at him. I go, sell stuff. Okay, I. And I looked at the whole crowd. I go. I assume. I go. I assume they don't sell books because they look like stupid idiots. That's the joke. And the audience, you could feel the people not in that group. There was a. There was a big laugh that kind of grew. There's different types of laughs. This one, it was like a. Oh, he's. He's with us. He agrees. They're annoying, too. Was kind of the laugh that that got. And I said, I didn't think you guys were like a lawyer's union. What do you sell again? I'm jabbing. And some of the people from the company you could see kind of laughing. And, you know, there's this like. It's almost like you're dealing with animals. Like, is he. It was like the rest of the herd just, like looking at you. Is he making fun of us? Yes, I am. You guys are assholes. And again, I think. And I said, why do you guys. I go, your vibe. I go, the vibe is off. You sell stuff. What's wrong? Why is everyone so unhappy? And I said that. I go, why is everyone unhappier? And the guy kind of says, one of the people in the company, they're like, don't talk. We're not allowed to talk. And now I know exactly what they're mad about. They're mad that they feel that they've wrongly been told to quiet down and let me just empathize with them. They're having their holiday party. They go, we came to get drunk and be merry and maybe someone. And comedy. We love laughing. We all have. We're all funny again. As I go back to the beginning of this podcast difference between people, no one says they're not funny. No one says they hate comedy. Stand up comedy is not for your office party. It just isn't the guy who's loud in the office who thinks he's funny. He wants to be funny. He wants to prove that he's the guy, the water cooler guy. Jeff. Jeff is funny, not comedian who travels the country and does this for a living. Again, we've set up a bad situation for them. So I do understand if security guard is like, hey, can you guys like, quiet down here, like, interrupting the show? And they're like, what? We're having fun? You don't want us to have fun? That's how it's taken. Especially with alcohol involved. They're all hammered. So I said, what's wrong, you guys? And they go, and the one, you know, the guy in the front with his arms crossed, he told us to be quiet. And I go, well, yeah, that's kind of. I go, we want you to laugh. We just don't want you to talk in between the laughs. And I'm being happy. Go, Lucky. So I said, well, listen, I'm. And I said to them, I go, I'm excited you're here, you guys. Give it up again for them. Let's have a fun time tonight. And I'm trying to like rise up the energy in this room that is. Feels uncomfortable. So I go into my first joke about my parents. And it's about if you've been to my show in the last year. It is my opening joke. I vacation with my parents. So I go through it, but I go through it very slow and I try to keep my smile on my face and keep it happy. And I get done with it. And it does fine enough. Establishes credibility. It's a well written joke. And there's a woman behind the King Douche in the front sitting with his arms crossed. She's in the office party and she yells out, okay, again. The trigger warning has been. Is out there. She yells out, I did the joke about my parents vacation with my parents. She goes, my parents are dead. The whole audience is like, what? What is this? And I said to her, I go, that's a weird thing to yell at at a comedy club. I go, do you want to yell at any, you know, diseases out that maybe have affected people? Like, what, what's going on? And she goes, do something with it. She takes her hands and like, like a come at me, bro. Like waving at me. She goes, do something with it. She goes, do something. She goes, my parents are dead. I go, that's a weird thing to yell at a comedy club. Maybe you should bring up cancer. Anything else? And it's uncomfortable in the room. And she goes, do something with it. I like dark humor. That is something she said out loud at the show. Everyone in the room heard it. She goes, do something with it. I like dark humor. And I said, now I know why they killed themselves. They had to deal with you. It was when I said that a little the room, there was a shake in the room. There was a like, because I had been so nice up until then and I was pretty light little jabby jab. And then you come at her with, you suck so much. Your parents must have killed themselves. And the room was like, people were laughing, but they were doing that laugh where they were like underneath their like partner's armpit like that like oo. It was like. And the room. And I. And I did have this moment where I'm like, I'm like, I gotta bring. I gotta keep it together. I gotta stay in control. And the woman who. And I said to the. And I immediately looked at the rest of the room, not the office party. I said, don't bail on me. She said, you all heard her, she likes dark humor. You heard her. She said, make fun of My dead parents. She likes dark. You don't bail on me. And that became kind of the fun part of it to me. That's how it felt in the room. I don't think I'm delusional in this sense. I said, don't dance. I go, you heard her. She said she likes dark humor. She said, make fun of my dead parents. I know this is crazy, but we're all in the same reality. And I looked at her, and it was as if I shot her between the eyes. She was, like, comatose. She, like, couldn't believe it. And I said, okay, I'm gonna move along With a no. I said, okay, I'm gonna move along. I got about an hour more of material about my. And I looked at her. I go, alive, parents. I'm like, now I'm, like, on the wound. And she is, like, dead to rights. She is. And I make a couple more jokes, and I make fun of the room. I go, guys. She said, dark comedy. I'm sitting here now. I don't know how you're taking this story. I was proud of myself. She can go fuck herself. There is nothing that annoys me more than when someone says, I like dark humor. This is something I've had said to me so many times. I like extreme humor. And it is. To me, it is the biggest load of shit I hear from people. You either like comedy or you don't like comedy. Okay? This idea that you need it to be edgy like, that is someone telling you who they are without being who they are. Because no comedian who's worth their weight goes around telling people, I'm one of those dark comedians. No one says that. I've never met a good comedian who says that. Now I do the jokes I like doing. I tell the stories I like telling. That, to me, is a good comedian. I'm not sitting there trying to brand myself. People will brand me. They'll go, oh, you do, like, the dating stuff. You do the ick. Fine, if that's how you want. If that's what makes you feel comfortable. I always tend to believe that whenever someone's, like, trying to brand someone, it's like, their thing. They need that. They need to box those things. I don't need that. I'm a standup comedian. That's it. I've been doing it for 14 years. And I took a lot of pride in that moment to have the tools to be able to make the joke in that moment. Everything I did was experience going up, being happy, letting them be the dicks not me. I've failed. I've had the failure of making the mistake on stage. This not a mistake. And now the woman who yelled, I like dark humor has to go home and rethink how she brands herself, because obviously she doesn't. She spent the rest of the show basically, like, being like. And I feel for her. I don't want to make fun of her dead parents. I don't want to make. She asked me to. I was put in a position, a little bit of a survival position. And for 45 minutes, she sat there basically, like, crying with, like, someone from the office party, like, petting her, which is funny in itself. You know, people. People who do. It's funny itself to go, how was the. How was the holiday party? Well, I cried about my dead parents for the whole time. Like, the comedian made fun of my d. Like. It is crazy. This is all crazy. And like, a moment like that. And here's the thing about dark humor. When people do dark jokes, and who would I describe that does humor that's more edgy or about subjects that, you know, going for? Subjects like, go watch Adrienne Ipolucci special. To me, Adrienne is just a fantastic comic, but she's talking about subjects that, you know, get people angry. So then some people, the enjoyment is like, wow, you. You did this. You did the flip on the. The. On the. On the. You did the. You did the, you know, you did the high risk maneuver on the tightrope walk, which I do agree with. I understand that, like, it's kind of like when you judge, like, a diving competition, like, the degree of difficulty. When I tell stories about my parents, the degree of difficulty is that someone's bored out of their mind that they don't give a fuck about my parents. I think that's a different type of difficulty. When you do humor about certain subjects, the shock is built in. You're never going to have a moment where someone goes. Doesn't zone in, but you're gonna have. The degree of difficulty is different. Will it anger people? Which is okay. That can happen. But if you do it, I do believe if you do a joke correctly, there's nothing to be angry about. Funny always outweighs mean. And here's the other thing. Having done stand up for a long time now, for a long enough time now, the people who say they like dark humor, it's all bullshit. It is a total front. People who have gone through shit or going through shit or don't have the perfect life and see the world in nuance and gray. They're generally the ones that, like, do love those jokes that do have fun with it. Like, I. And I. I'm going to get to a part of the story that is going to explain that because so I go on with the rest of the show. And it's a total. The, you know, after that moment, the Hoffa's holiday party has the choice of, like, whoa, this guy's pretty good. We better, like, zone in. Or, okay, you. You took down the first boss. Now you're gonna take down the second boss. And that's kind of was their attitude. A new. She went away and I had to fight a new person the rest of the night. And it was. It was exhausting. It was tiring. It was annoying. I do feel let down by the club to have a group like that take away from the other people who bought tickets for a different show. Saturday night, I had two more shows. And the first show is. I come in and the back is, like, totally packed. The front two rows empty. Again, my business partner is kind of letting me down. When you set up the room with a moat of empty seats in the front and it's packed in the back, they must sell a ticket where it's like VIP versus general gen. General tickets. The minute you see that the VIPs didn't sell, move people up. It's okay. Figure out a way to tell people, hey, we. Some people didn't show up. We're going to move you up. And I go on stage. And I said, and again, it's an uncomfortable energy. You go up on stage and there's just two rows of empty people. And then the light and the darkness, there's just a bunch of. There was enough people there to have a great show. And I said, I go, this is a little awkward. I make comments on it. And then in the middle of my set, they start moving people up, which is uncomfortable. I have to reset. That is just not the energy that is fun at a show. Again, I felt let down. Now we go to the third show. I walk into the room. They did it right this time. Everyone's moved up. The whole front is packed. The back has no one in it. Yeah, that's how the room should be sat. I go on stage, and for the first time of the weekend, by the third show, it felt right. You come on. Nice. Applause. The audience is engaged. I'm like, finally, we're gonna start this well. And I can't not notice everything. And again, would I call this a mistake? I don't think So I would do this no matter what this is. So I go, Jared Freed brings me up. The whole audience is clapping, and I'm like, finally, the audience is here for it. And I look to my left and there's one woman with her back to the stage. And I'm like. And I make a comment, literally four seconds in, I go, hey, Des Moines, how we doing? Oh, look at this crowd. Great crowd. And look at. Everyone's here having fun. And this person has their back to the stage, not even looking at me because their head is, like, kind of over the table. It was noticeable to me from on stage. And everyone in the room looks over, and the woman, the person seemed younger. And they're surrounded by some older people. And one of the older people looks up and goes, they're blind. And I'm like, oh, my God, are you gotta be kidding me? And I'm like. And the person who. They go, they're blind. And then the person turns around and they're kind of laughing. And they also go, ah. They, like, make a. And the. There's three sides to every story. There's my side, their side, and the truth. From my vantage point, this person's family thought this was funny, okay? Because it was innocent. I wasn't attacking someone for being blind. It happened to be that this person is blind, and that's why they're not facing the stage. Now I am totally embarrassed. I feel awful. Again, context, nuance matters. When someone yells out, I got dead parents. Make fun of that. I like dark humor. And then you make a joke about their dead parents, and. And then it makes them upset. I don't feel bad. You asked me to do that. You were a jerk. I came back with a, well, you know, well said joke. And that's it. When you go up and you attack someone without knowing that they're blind, and you're asking. And I'm like, oh, fuck, I'm the biggest asshole in the world. It's so weird because, again, like, I don't want to be mean to someone. They just came for a good show. And to be honest. And I go, and I made it. I made it. I did. I actually, while on stage, I thanked them. I was like, thank you for being so nice. Because they were being so nice, they had the opportunity to get angry. They didn't. Again, it's a little dark. This is dark humor. Hey, why aren't you facing this age? She's blind. That's dark. And they're laughing about it because they're going, yeah, life you know, life gave punches and, you know, whatever, and here we are. We get it. You know, you didn't mean to be mean to someone. You just. How could you have known? I didn't. And I said we had, like, this, like, awkward interaction. Everyone's kind of laughing, and then I go, give it up for my family. They come to every show. We do this on the road. Like, I tried to make it in this fun moment, and I thought it worked again. Who am I upset with? The club? I've had people who are deaf and blind and anyone. You have this at shows. I've done all shows where all different types of people show up, and the club will come up to you and go, hey, just so you know, there is someone dealing with this in the audience. You know, we don't want you to say something you don't want to say or, you know, you don't want to make. I don't want to ruin their night. I don't want to. I don't want that to be, you know, and the club should warn you, say to you or something. I felt like I got let down. Like, they. In a similar way to, like, not moving people up. This is all like, hey, get me on the same page. We are business partners. The show. That show went well. And at the end, like, some guy yelled out in a way that was, like, fun. And I go, what'd you say, sir? And he goes, you. He said something. I go, dude. And I said to him, I go, dude. I said that earlier in the show. And then I go, it's not every day that you have a deaf guy and a blind woman at the show, but here we are. I brought it back to that, and that got a big laugh and. Or. That was a fun moment, but it kind of tells you, like. So like, at the end of the week, I'm taking stock. Like, did I get out of this, like, what I wanted? You know, I came there to, like, figure out new material. To me, this was like, this whole thing was a dog fight the whole weekend, you know, was I even able to work on the material? Then you get back and you go, maybe I didn't need to go to Des Moines. I'm happy. I'm happy. The people who. You know, I did pictures after every show, as I do, and to talk to people who love this show, you know, Patreon subscribers. One in particular, her and her husband were so nice. She's probably listening now. They were like, it was a pleasure. Like, we go back years. Like, that makes me so Incredibly happy and emotional, you know, like that. And to have people say, like, I was following at this point. We came to des moines in 2021. This. You know, to be along for whatever ride I'm on, like, I feel not worthy of that. And I. It makes me, you know, feel good. You know, I. So I'm happy to have gone to meet those people and to put on a show for those people. I'm disappointed by the partnership, to be honest with you. And you. You're not going to generally hear comedians say this because they live in fear of never being booked again. You know, my goals are bigger than the Funny bone in Iowa, in Des Moines, Iowa. My goals are a theater in Iowa where I don't need the club. And if I have to lose that along the way to those goals, I. And to. To. To. Because I am rightfully telling you how a business partnership should work, then that has to be the. Then that's the result. So I come back to New York and just one more, kind of a couple more things. I know we've gone long here. Tuesday night, I was invited to a dinner party, and it is a. So Jordana Abraham, my co host for the UOP podcast, I went to her wedding. I GUESS it was 2021, right around the time I was hanging out in Des Moines. Is that when it was 2020? Maybe it was 2022. Fall 2021. Whatever. At their wedding, I became friendly with Mike's college friends who live in the city, and they're an awesome couple, and they got a new baby, and they were like. They invited me to this dinner party that they were having, and Jordana and her husband Mike were gonna be there. And I was like. And this was a few weeks ago. They're like, are you in town on this date on December 17th or whatever? And I was like, I'm here. Let's. Let's do it. Let's have a. Let's. Let's have. I'm in. I would love to do that. And I cleared the night, didn't do any shows. And I go to the Upper east side for this dinner party with, you know, the couple from the wedding, Jordana and her husband, the sister and her. Or the brother and her. His wife and, you know, a friend. It was very much out of, like. What is the movie? Love. Actually, like, that dinner party they had. Is that the name of the movie? I'm an idiot? Yeah, it felt like Love, actually. Like, we were having the dinner party. We did the highs and lows. We went around the Table Everyone give their highs and lows in the week. I told the story about calling out the woman and that did well in person. So I was like, okay. I think I feel comfortable telling it on coffee with J Train and I. It is a thing that I miss out on doing comedy because I work at night. This idea of going to like the holiday get together, the couple's night, the. The come to my apartment. And I would say it felt like a. So it was a social moment that was satiating. It was a social moment. Like it was cool to hang out with Jordana and Mike just away from like whatever we're normally doing. It was cool to like meet new people and be in a social setting, you know, I guess what I mean by social satiating is like it. You know, sometimes you hang out with people and you don't know them and there's just like surface level conversations. This was like this. I don't know, it just. It was the difference between having a bag of chips, which is like, oh, I'll be hungry in 10 minutes, versus having a steak. And this was like a social interaction that felt like a steak to me. It was very nice. That wine out. I brought alcohol. I re gifted them a bottle of champagne that was given to me for the special. I was like, perfect, I can get this out of my apartment. She goes, this is the. And the biggest win of the century is I come in with the champagne. She goes, this is the champagne. I like. I'm like, that's right. I goes. And I immediately said, yeah, someone who gave that to me really knew you. And my fear going to like a. Of a social interaction like, this is. I don't want to talk about being. I don't want to act like I'm talking about my. I just want to shut the fuck up. I want to hear everyone else's story. I don't. My story sucks. I don't want to hear my story. But what ends up happening is, hey, I work in finance. Hey, I'm an accountant. Hey, I'm a lawyer. Is done. No one has any further questions. Ham a comedian, there's like a thousand follow up questions. So you do end up having to talk a little bit more than. And I own that. But I also don't want to like, I'm like, I don't want to be the guy. You don't want to take up the oxygen in the room. I want other people to do a little breathing too. And you know, when I told this story about going to Des Moines, they're Like you went to Des Moines, especially to a New York City, Upper east side, nice apartment. What's in Des Moines? You start having those conversations. They're like, tell us, tell us, tell us stories from the country. So. But it was really a nice night and it was cool to hang out with everyone, you know, again, like a little uncomfortable at first. And then it's, I would say these holiday parties, like at a house where you kind of know people, you know the couple, but you, you're a little bit removed from the group. It's like a massage in the beginning, you're like, they're like kneading into your. Into your, you know, tough spots. And then by the end you're like, oh, that did feel pretty good. So this week, the last thing I'll get into is we had two. So it was other than this two. We taped a lot of you up podcasts. The one coming out on Christmas is Unhinged and then the one coming out after the New year is very fun. The two really funny episodes. On the Wednesday episodes and then the Friday episodes. We have great guests. We have. Or this week we have Kelly Knight, who's the. She's our, our medium to the stars. And she was great the first time. So we have her back. We just have a run of really great guests. Ramit Seti. Seti Sethi, I think, I hope I'm saying that right. He came on and this guy is a star. There's no. He has a Netflix show where he talks about finances with couples and he's doing a live show. This guy's great. He was just such a fantastic guest. I was so happy. We had such a great time with him. And then Logan Urie, who's been on J Train and I go way back with, just from interviews and stuff. And Logan came on and she was awesome. And then we did a benefits episode where she gave me a coaching session, which was difficult. She. She. Logan was like, why don't we do one of my coaching sessions? And she called my mom, she called Jordana, she called someone that I had dated. And then she takes all that information, then kind of asks me questions about what's going on in my dating life. And it was a good episode. Again, another. A massage, uncomfortable massage of another kind. But I'm. I think it'll be worth the listen. But then there was like, I was like, Logan, you know, she is like. Again, when someone's like, I like dark humor. No, no. When I meet a stand up comedy fan. I know. And that's the thing Logan and I have always connected on is she's a huge stand up comedy fan and she's been very supportive. And her and her husband have come to shows when I'm in San Francisco and she was in town and did our show, and then I was like, do you want to come to the Cellar and, like, follow along for a night? And she was like, oh, my God, I would love to. So last night, Logan came with me to the Comedy Cellar and I'm like, it was like a perfect night for her to come because she walks into the Olive Tree, which is above the Comedy Cellar, and, you know, there's Aziz Ansari, there's Trevor Noah, and I introduce her to Aziz, and then we go to, you know, the stand, and there's like, you know, the girls gotta eat. Girls were there, and a bunch of the Bachelor contestants were there. And it was just funny to like, watch her go through a night in the life of a, you know, of a stand up comedian while also being a fan of stand up comedy and just a pleasure to see her. And that was the week. And then I woke up early to come to Batavia, Illinois, try and work on these jokes. Now I got a couple hours till showtime, but coffee J train back next week, boom.