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It's a mailbag. Munder, you got problems there. I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag. Monday. Hello and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming to you live. I'm from Las Vegas, Nevada. That's right. Nevada. Nevada. Nevada. Nevada. I know I'm saying it. It's one of those places that they tell you how to say it and then you zig when you should have zagged and they zig when you should have. Z. Nevada. Nevada. Nevada. Nevada. I mean it with all the kindness in my heart. The people here at the shows have been wonderful. I love local Vegas people. I think they are, you know, they're like frontiers people. They moved somewhere new. A lot of the people here came from elsewhere to, like, make it happen, and I have a lot of respect for that. So they're. And they're a great audience. They're fun and they. Because they see they're fun and they're reserved. They've seen crazy. You know, it's hard for me to shock an audience that saw a billboard on the way here with, like, two titties hanging out, being like, you can come here for breakfast, you know, check out our buffet. Like, there's nothing. A lot of shock value here. So I. I do love coming here and doing shows. I have more shows. Jacksonville, Austin, Cleveland, Hamptons, Miami, Red Bank, New Jersey. Just added ring that bell. Foxwoods and Portland, Maine. I'm also doing the book tour. The book tour is happening. There's been an announcement by this time. I'm taping this early in Vegas because of all the travel that I have coming up. New York, Boston, Philly, D.C. chicago, Denver. We're coming to all those towns. I. There's a. There's a chance Miami gets added in, but we'll see. So the book tour is important because that's a good chance to have a show. And the show will not be stand up. It will be a moderated Q and A, but also some, like, bits that I've done at my live, you up and J Train shows. So we're going to do dating at makeovers. We're going to do Brozetta Stone. I'll take. Bring your screenshots, bring your questions, but we'll have ones prepared. And on that note, and I know I'm doing a lot of announcements, we'll get to the show. I have three emails. I interrupted myself. I didn't even do the. The normal intro. It's a mailbag Monday. Yeah. Emails from you, the listener, to me, the comedian. If you have a question, send it. J train podcast gmail.com. that's J train podcast gmail.com. i have three listener emails. I want your emails. Anything you're going through, send it in. I got, I got cheating here, Slept with her husband. I mean, I, that's. I'm reading the title. I don't read these before, but should I call the wife and tell her I slept with her husband? I. That's a. There's a way longer email here. We're going to get to it, but I want your emails. J train podcast gmail.com. you might be like, well, I didn't. I'm not involved in a cheating scandal that could become a movie. My problem's very small. To me, there are no small issues. There's only, you know, there's no small issues. We, the best issues are specific. That's what we like. I love specificity. Find out what it means to me. So on that note, the book is coming out. You can pre order the book as you know, if you've been here, if you're new here. Yeah, I have a book walking Red flag. The book tour is going to include a Good Morning America appearance by me, which is very exciting. They have asked me to put out a question box on Instagram asking for questions from my, you know, my followers. And I thought before I did that it would be way more fun to get a question from you, the J Train podcast listeners or viewers on YouTube. We only put out the Wednesday episode. I don't even know why I said that. Listen, if you have a question that you want to be featured on Good Morning America, send it in right now. We want screenshots because that's fun. That would have to be dating specific. So if you're out there with a dating issue and you want to see it answered on Good Morning America or have a chance for that, send it here. J train podcast gmail.com if it's any, it's that one. You know, these. We like specificity, but like, that might have to be like a quickie because they were asking for a question box type question that would be on Instagram. As I sip my coffee, I feel like I'm all over the place. But we're in it. I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to stop this recording. We're in it. I'm in a Element Hotel, which has been. Talk about an undersell, overd deliver situation. Element Hotel doing A great job for me. Internet working well. They got good coffee downstairs. The breakfast. The breakfast that. The element. They had a. They had an omelet person. If you have an omelette person. And this is coffee with J Train, I. I can't get into it. So let's get into this show. Now that I've done a million announcements, we're five minutes in. This is everything you shouldn't do to do a podcast. But honestly, I'm doing a lot of different things here. We're not doing video. We're doing just clips. Sometimes if you see a clip, go follow the J Train account. Because, listen, you might. You might be like, I don't want to listen to Jared every day. He, you know, I got enough Jared. But there might be a clip that makes you go, oh, that's one I'd like to be clued into. So that's a good way to know what's going on in this show is to follow on Instagram at J Train podcast. Again, so many announcements. We have two sponsors, so it's gonna go email, sponsor, email, sponsor, email. Right. Did I. Sometimes when I do that back and forth, I get confused. Okay, ready? Jared, longtime listener and complainer, coming to you with a tough cheating dilemma. A few days ago, I found out that the man I've been dating and sleeping with for the last three months is married. I. That's. I'm sorry this is happening to you. And. And let me just start with. This is one of those things that you have to remember. Anyone can be lied to. I think that's, like, the unfair part of all of that. I mean, unfair part. I mean, I'm sure there's a billion other unfair things you could come to me with. I'm just saying this, you know, I think we. We go, what else don't I know? Oh, my God. I thought I knew everything. And then the minute you get revealed that you don't know this one big thing, like the person you've been hooking up with has been married, you start to question your sanity, your. Your. Your view on reality. So I. I just want to say to you, and. And I'm not saying that your view on reality is great. You might be delusional. You might have missed signs you. You wanted to miss. You might not have wanted answers to the questions that you could have asked. You might have ignored things. Listen, I do that every day. I ignore getting the answer I want. I'll text tomorrow. I know there's a text you can send that will get you answers that you go, you know, and the measure of, you know, how you. Your fortitude is. Do you send that text? Do you turn the page to see what happens next? Or do you ignore it because things are good now and you don't want to ruin things? So again, one, anyone could be lied to. Two, we all make choices to try. You know, it's like passing a mirror when you know you don't. When you don't feel great, do you look away because I don't want to deal with this now, or do you look at yourself in the mirror and you go, yup, that shirt doesn't fit. I knew it. That. That's kind of what we're dealing with sometimes. So, again, anyone could be lied to. A few days ago, I found out that the man I had been dating and sleeping with for the last three months is married. We are both in our 40s. You know, 40s is important because this is life stuff. 40s is, you might say, we should know better. I should know better in my 40s. He should know better than cheating in his 40s. I don't think that's worth doing now. 40s tells me there are real people that might be at play. There are real consequences here. Kids, wife, you know, husband, all these things. On our first date, he told me he'd never been married. So this guy is straight up lying. Again, something that you can only go so far to protect yourself from while dating. That's the other thing that is. That's the most important thing to remember when you're dating. You have to give way to delusion to be able to be a good dater. And with that, when you give. When you give into delusion, you also lose safety. That's the hard part about dating. What's the mix between romanticism and delusion and cynicism? You can't be too cynical. You're a bad date. You can't be too romantic. You'll miss all the signs that tell you to turn around. That's the hard part about dating. On our first date, he told me he'd never been married. Throughout the three months, I often notice small lies or specific. See, this is the thing here. Here's exactly what I'm talking about. Throughout the three months, I often notice small lies or suspicious things, but never. Throughout the three months, I often noticed small lies or suspicious things. But whenever I confronted him, he always had excuses and explanations. For instance, the reason I couldn't go to his house was because of his dog's behavioral issues. Again, that's One of those things. The first time you hear it, I get it. Dogs are tough. I don't want to be around a new dog where I don't know them the third time. Hey, I'm having a great time with you. If I can't see where you live because of the dog, how are we supposed to grow as a couple? We're three months in. I feel I should be seeing your home. And that becomes again, that's the look in the mirror thing. I'm not trying to blame you. I'm just saying if we're going to look back at things, what is the moment where you go, I got to get. This is an uncomfortable conversation that if I don't go through it, then we are not growing, Emily and I. I'll give you an example. Emily and I dated and then we ended and then we started dating again. The conversations that I avoided the first time we dated are, are now becoming so much clearer. And the conversations I avoided with many women I dated now they're, of course, let's have it, let's talk about it. And we're very early. So she's moving into, she's moving into Florida. She's coming to Florida. The finance conversation that was always difficult for me to have is so easy for me to have with her. And if someone pushed through with me on a financial conversation years back that I dated, they would find out answers that they didn't want to hear. And again, I could avoid. And as you say, you know, I can do all these things to avoid it. But there's a point where it's like, hey, this is the fifth time we're having this conversation. How do you expect us to grow considering this one thing? I did some online digging and found what appeared to be his wife. In a curious non judgement, in a curious non judgmental tone, I asked him in person. Well, I love, I mean like this is like, you know, woman speak 101 and I, and I mean this in a, in, in not a mean way. I mean you can be judgmental. Hey, I saw you with a woman on a honeymoon a and the caption said that my love forever and so happy to be with my best friend and wife. I'm not trying to be judgy, but you're me, you know, like there's a point, like it's so funny how protective we get because of these societal things. And I get that you're saying I don't want to. I'm not being this judgy woman, you know, like, and, but it's like at this point, be judgy, be Judge Judy. In a curious non. And I know you're trying to tell set the scene for me, which I really appreciate. In a curious non judgmental tone. I asked him in person about her and he claimed to not recognize her name. Hey, this guy, he's gonna burn down with the house. When I pressed his denial, was so confident that I thought maybe I was mistaken. So this guy that is gaslighting that night, I did more research and found his mother's Facebook page which has tons of photos of him with the wife. Everything aligned with the evidence I already had. Okay, Dick Tracy, you've got it kicked. Case closed. I've got, I've got the receipts, I've got the pictures. It's time to bring in the suspect. The next night when I saw him in person, I showed him some of the photos. He said he didn't know who the woman was. Hey, this guy who I can't see. What, where am I? Oh my God. I, I, I forgot my own name. Like, this is a crazy response. Like, when does he give up? I mean, now again, to go back. Anyone can be lied to if someone else has the energy that, you know, like that's a big part of like, you know, when it comes to dating and, and the runaround of dating. It's a lot of, it's like energy dependent. Like we only have so many bars on the, on the phone battery and this guy's got energy. I mean, how could he work? How can he have a family? How can he do all these things? He said he didn't know who the woman was and that the man was not him. To say, to say the man isn't me. To look at a picture, I mean, this is George Costanza. This is, if you believe the lie, then it's true. Like, this is crazy. The next night when I saw him in person, I showed him some of the photos. He said he didn't know who the woman was and that the man was not him. At that point, I would be concerned with my, my safety when someone is like that. Listen, there are ways to respond to this that make you, there's a spectrum to everything, as we all know. The spectrum of. I, well, let's get through the email because I, I just, the spectrum, if, you know, the jig is up, the lights are on, and the, you know, at the, at the prison and we've caught you, we're bringing you back to your cell. How much are you wiggling out of that catch is how crazy you are when the police have you in cuffs and you keep wiggling to the point that you're willing to break your own arm to get out of the cuffs. You're a crazy person. That's kind of what he's doing here. You've caught him. You've apprehended the suspect. We're bringing you in, and he is wiggling around so much that you're like, are you on drugs? That's the equivalent of what he's doing when he says, oh, that. That picture. Who's that guy? Yeah, that's you. I'm looking right at you. I pressed him again, and he was chillingly calm as he lied to my face. Chillingly great word for this, because I'm a little like, I'm reading this, and I'm like, you're just gonna say, that's not you in the picture? Like, am I in a horror movie? I got scared and dropped the subject and politely ended the date early. I. This is out of a movie. I won't be seeing him again. Well, I'm so sorry this happened. Well, I'm hurt by his actions. I don't feel the need to punish him. I actually feel sorry for him. And I think we need. He needs psychological help. I totally agree with you. There's a spectrum. Listen, if you said, here's a picture of you and your wife. What the hell's going on? He was like, you know what? The marriage was a mistake. We're going through a tough time. We haven't spoken in years. Even the honestly, if that was a lie, that would be polite. That would be reasonable to lie about. That would be a reasonable lie to be like, to just get away. Get out of here. If I was him, like, if I was him, I'm cheating on my wife, and I get presented with a picture of me and my wife by my mistress. That's when you kind of put the knives down. Put the fist down. Okay, now let's move on to a lie that gets me out of the bigger lie. What he's opting for is a lie that keeps him in. He's opting for a lie on top of a lie that keeps him in it and keeps you in it. So what is he trying to do? I would be afraid. My dilemma. Should I contact his wife about this? Normally, I would stay out of someone else's marriage because for all I know, they have an open arrangement or. Or she prefers to live blissfully ignorant. Even so, I'm with you. Those are options. And good Ways to rationalize it, but most likely this is a cheating guy and like, let's just get away from the cheater. But for a short time, I was tormented by his gaslighting. And if the wife has been suffering through that for years, I want to help her. My plan would be to tell her I want to speak to her about her husband and allow her to decide whether to proceed. If she was open to it, the proof I could provide, such as a photo of me and him kissing, could be the validation she's been looking for. I will admit that I also want to contact her for my own selfish need for validation after being made to feel crazy by this man. Look forward to your sage advice. Thank you. This is. Thank you for writing in. This is a wild story that you're not the only one who has it. That's, you know, it's a wild story, but I'm not shocked. I'm just like, yeah, it sucks. I think I'm not going to tell you to go to the wife because I just think it's, I, I. My first thing in my mind is, this is dangerous. You're dealing with a dangerous person. He is lying in a dangerous way. And I kind of think of things of like, you know, on the airplane they say, put the mask on yourself before you help your child. You gotta put your mask on yourself before you help this woman who I agree might be in a similar situation that you were, but in a different way. She might be in some sort of gaslighty situation that you found yourself in because this is what this guy does. Apparently. The problem is the way you explain it is so smooth. If she was open to it. How do you know you're not dealing with this woman who's going to go crazy and then go, is she lying to me? Who's telling, you know, bring the husband over, who's telling the truth, and it turns into this big thing, you know, the way you're explaining it is like the reasonable way where emotions, emotions aren't involved. You're explaining in a val. In a vacuum. My plan would be to tell her I want to speak to her about her husband. Like, as if anyone just like willingly goes into that conversation without feeling embarrassed, without feeling their ego, all those things. So like, I though your plan is sound, but it kind of like doesn't think of like all the things that could go wrong. And that's why we don't live in a perfect world. We get say, you know, the, the, the fear of danger. So we become safer, so we're not gonna, like, maybe help our fellow man or woman. So I, I, I just think this is not a safe thing, because this guy, to me, he kind of shows all the attributes of someone who's dangerous when you lie like that. Like, to me, I don't know, maybe I'm, maybe I'm one to be with. Because in my mind, the guy who's like, listen, though, you know, the marriage has been for years. I'm sorry to put you through this. We need to end. Because I don't, I, obviously, I don't want to cheat. I don't want to lie to you anymore. And I, I just got to go, like, clean up my house. And then maybe he disappears off the face of the earth and he stays married forever. That almost, like, feels like someone that I'm like, okay, maybe you could tell the wife. And I don't know. I, I, I just don't. I, this is so tough. And, and listen, I think you, I think most of all, here's my, my overriding advice, and this is something, because I'm not a professional. I, I don't want to be telling you to do something that I feel is dangerous. Like, I wouldn't tell a friend, go to the wife, because I'd be like, I just don't. Obviously, I don't. Who would trust this guy? Tell friends and family, like, let's, let's get a community around you. I think you can't. If I'm the only one you've told, that is as dangerous as going to the wife. To me, I think you got to tell people, don't live in silence. Don't. That would be my advice to a friend. Like, we got to tell everyone so that we know we can kind of keep eyes on you. Tell family. I, because at that point, I don't know, do. And, you know, I, I think also, no, I don't know. When I, when I'm in a burning house, I run out of the house, and I think, you're in a burning house. And I would want to run as far away as possible. But I also understand, and I would feel this way. I would want closure. I would want to, I would want closure from this guy who's a liar, which is crazy. But I would want that guy to say something to make me feel like they're not going to be, like, looking after me, you know, because I, I just think this is, like, a dangerous guy. You know, there's a piece of me that's like, go to the authorities. Go to, like, the Police. Hey. And I know, like, nothing happened, but this guy was cheating. And then he said it wasn't him. And I just got a bad feeling. Like, to me, the, the police. When someone looks at a picture of themselves and says, that's not me and I don't know who that woman is. Okay, like, now, what else is this guy capable of? That's kind of my. And again, I might be living my life in a movie script, but that is just one of those. So I, I can't tell you what to do. I wish I could. I, you know, I want to contact her for my own selfish need for validation. It made me feel so crazy. I, I hope you can get over that. Maybe with a therapist or with a friend. But tell. Here's my advice. I'm not going to tell you to go to this woman because I, I just don't feel it's safe. I would go to friends and family and then. And confide in them and let them know what's going on in your life and let them know what you found out. And I think you say, I, it made me feel crazy. So you might feel embarrassed to tell people. I would tell you none of your friends and family will find that you're a lesser person for letting them know this went on in your life. That would be my encouragement. That's as far as I can encourage you for. Because I would understand the feeling of, how could I be lied to? Am I stupid? And you're even saying I felt crazy. You're not crazy. That's. This all sucks. Jtrain podcast gmail.com jtrain podcastmail.com we have sponsors. Herobred I so every morning when I'm at home, I make egg whites, chicken, sausage and hero bread. What I love about Herobred is I get two thick slices of toast that are 60 calories each. That's what I love. And you're going to get low, low net carbs, zero grams of sugar, high in fiber. All the things that keep you fuller, longer and make it so you don't make bad decisions the rest of the day. That's what it's helped me do. I love it. I'm taking a GLP one and I'm eating Herobred. And my life feels happier with those two being combined together. And I think it. And again, the bagels are good too. I have the bagel. Sometimes they have croissants. They got noodles. The noodles are good. I made, I made a little Mac and chees cheese thing. I would compare the bread like the bagels I would compare to like a lender's bagel, like a freezer bagel. You're not getting like a New York style whatever. That's not what you're getting. You're getting a freezer bagel that's a freezer staple that makes you feel better about yourself during the day and better about the dinner you're going to have where you're not thinking of these things. So you never know that it was different than that lenders freezer bagel or that freezer toast that you make in the morning. It's great and the texture is fantastic. Herobred is offering 10 off your order. Go to Hero Co. Use code feather at checkout. That's code Feather. H e r o co. We have one more sponsor. I will get to it after the second email. J train podcast gmail.com Dear Jared, I'm a forever fan. I love everything you do well. Thank you. I've seen every show. Whenever you've come to dc, please come back soon. Thank you. This is like you don't understand. I meet people who come back to the shows. Truly, it is the greatest pleasure. Like it is so awesome. I was talking to one of the waitresses at Wise Guys here in Vegas last night and she was saying how cool it is to see, you know, because I had like 50 people at the Late Show Friday. Which it was a great show, it was fun. But she was saying, you know, it was a compliment. She was like, you know, it's cool when you see these comedians like that have 50 people like you just had and there's people there that are like the biggest fans and, and, and enjoy it and are so happy to be there. And she's like, you know, I never thought of it that way until I started working at a place like this where you could see like it's so cool that people find their people, you know, and it's like that is great. I so thank you. I'm a 36 year old single woman. I just booked a solo trip to London for one week at the end of June. I am good for you. I love, love London. Any advice for a solo traveler? I'm excited but also a little nervous. I know you spent time in the south of Fra, but if you have any London specific advice or just general solo travel advice, I would love to hear it. You're the best London girl. Well, first of all, let me just say to you, you're going to have a great time. You're going to have a wonderful time. I know, it's a little bit. There's a lot of anxiety going anywhere alone, and it comes from other places. You'll book the trip. I mean, I have a whole set about this. The standup show that I've been doing has been about going to Europe alone. And then it evolved into my dad offering me his Ozempic, and now I'm doing them as two different sets. And now I'm trying to figure out the Ozempic set. And then I'll go back to the Traveling Alone set because I think the Traveling Alone said not. You know, this is. This is maybe too much behind the curtain, but I think the Traveling Alone set is going to be about being with Emily and wanting to be in a relationship. So. And I say that as you're like, I'm going alone. Is it fun? Yeah. Yes, it can be. I think you're. I think south of fr. Let. Let me first. First. I already did the first. You're going to have a great time. The other thing I'll say is, you're going to have a great time. As I fix my mic here. You're going to have a great time, but also, you're doing it right. Going. My first piece of advice for anyone traveling alone is go to a major city. That is a. The best place. If you go to a beach town, it's a lot of people on their honeymoons, on their big trip after having, you know, their baby moon honeymoon. You don't want to be anywhere that a couple would do their honeymoon. And I'm not. May someone will be like, well, my honeymoon was in London. Yeah, that's a weird honeymoon. Okay, let's don't. I hate when people interrupt the space with their, like, well, I did this particular thing. No, you don't want to vacation alone where people do their honeymoon. I've done it. It was awful. I didn't like it when you vacation alone. Here are my. I. I have one, two. This one I read before. Okay, I. I gotta be honest with you. 1, 2, 3, 4. Here are my. I'm in Vegas, so I had the time to read it before. Okay, here are my four. Here are my four pieces of advice for anyone traveling alone. Five. These are my five. Here's my five. My five things. Anyone who travels alone, number one, go to a major city. Go to a major city. Big buildings, major city people are just general. Like, physically, people are closer together, which is what you want. You want people out. You want there to be a buzz. Major city. One, two, do a food tour, a Food tour is gently adjacent to a museum tour. It's going to be a little kitschy, it's going to be a little fun, it's going to be active. You're going to walk from food place to food place. You're going to get a fun person leading the tour who's going to get you different tries of food. You're going to learn about the history of the city without learning it's very magic school bus. Oh my God. I'm taking the medicine that's hidden inside the tree. So go on a food tour. Cocktail bars. Go to cocktail bars. Cocktail bars are. Well, I've my number one major city. Number two, do a food tour. Number three, eat dinner early. In Europe, in a lot of other countries, the US has a bar culture. So you could eat at the bar and have a conversation with someone new. You're not going to get that as much in Europe. In Europe you want to eat early so you can have a great meal. Make a reservation at a place that maybe is a little more expensive than you normally would. Do something a little different. Go somewhere great and wonderful. And when you go early, you can get reservations anywhere, but they're going to see you at a table which at nine o' clock at night, not exactly what you want as far as having that little bit of social interaction that you'd want. Three hotel bars and cocktail bars. You want to go to a hotel bar or a cocktail bar, Cocktail bars because they're fancy and you can sit at the bar and there's. You want a bar that costs a little bit more than your normal bar because you're going to get an upscale clientele hotel. You're going to get travelers as well. You're going to get people that are spending money to be at the hotel. Hotel bars and cocktail bars have a tax that keep away people looking for local deals and you're going to find other people, you know, locals, hang out with locals. They're not looking to meet the person who's here on vacation. When you are at a hotel bar, at a cocktail bar, you're going to be around other people who are head on a swivel kind of looking to make conversation, looking for an interesting night. My last piece of advice is to put out to your either socials or your friend group this exact sentence. Does anyone have a good recommendation for London? You want to write that? Hey, I'm, Hey, I'm taking a trip to London. Does anyone have any good recommendations? That's how you want to write it? Hey, I'm going to London. Does anyone have any good recommendations? Write that and you will now get people coming to you. Oh my God. People love giving recommendations, not always good ones, but they like to hear themselves giving the recommendations because it's like a pat on the back. Look at me, I'm a traveler. I go to cool places. Let me tell you where to go. I get recommendations, recommendations all the time. And I can always tell a lot of them are about the person trying to tell me something about themselves, that they're worldly. Not a lot of reservations, not a lot of recommendations are very good. When they're good, I'm very happy to receive them and I give that person credit. But a lot of times it's a me, me, me thing which is good for you. What you want is to drag in. You want to chum the waters for people that are one, going to give you recommendations and you can suss them out. But two, now you're branding to the world that you, a single person are going to London. Now you're going to find someone might come back with, oh my God, my friend lives in London and they're single. My friend is living in London or traveling to London and they're looking for someone to hang out with. Now you're in the driver's seat. You don't want to be caught in a plan with anyone during your alone vacation, but you want the option to hang out with someone while you're on your alone vacation. This is actually a big part of walking Red Flag the book that is coming out. I talk a lot about hanging out with your married friends because and not to get something from them. It's really to show them how fun you are and for your name to be the first person they think of when it comes to single friend in my life. And that's kind of what you're testing right now when you say, hey, I'm going to London. Does anyone have any recommendations? You leave it open ended. You leave that little carrot out there for someone to go, oh my God, I have a friend that lives in London. I really think you guys would vibe that is something you just want access to. I'm not saying it's going to happen, but you want the possibility of that and what might happen best case scenario, oh my God, my friend just moved to London. They're always telling, yeah, give me their number. I'd love to reach out, hey, I'm here for a week. I don't know, I plan on being out on this night hopping around. I'm going to this hotel bar. Would love to meet you. I love your friend Lisa. I think, you know, if you're, if you're around and you want to get a drink, I'd love to do that. That's. I just think that's a good way to enter a city where you might find a friendly face via someone you already know. And again, I would start with a group chat and then if you really are feeling bold, I'd put that on social media. J train podcastmail.com J train podcast gmail.com we have one more sponsor, Factor. Again, we are, we are in health food land. It's the time of year where the weather is getting a little bit nicer and you might be looking to get a little bit healthier. And Factor, I would say, is a great Monday through Wednesday dinner. Monday through Wednesday for me. Let me speak for myself. 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If you did make it, you'd make a whole pot because you don't know how to make that for one. Factor is going to do it for you. Factor also has delicious breakfast option, snacks and drinks. Think broccoli cheddar egg white bites for nutrition on the go. I love that. I'm a big cheddar egg white guy. Head to factor meals.com/j train 50 off. Use code J train 50 off to get 50% off and free daily greens per box. New subscriptions only while supplies last until September 27, 2020 26. See see website for details. So that is our two sponsors. I'm dealing with a new mic and I'm trying to tighten so that I don't, so it doesn't fall down from my face. I, I, I'm telling you these things. I don't know, I don't know if you care. Okay, we have one more great emails. Today. We did all our. I love my idea for putting out the word. You just don't, you just want to let people know that you're, you know, you're, you're gonna be somewhere and maybe they think of someone that you could hang out with. And again, I just think we do have this vision of ourselves in a foreign country. And I used to think of myself as James Bond. I'd be like, I'm going to the bar and have a hot martini. Woman's gonna come out to me, be like, how cold is that martini? And I'll be like, oh, it's colder than your heart. And then that doesn't happen. Then I have three martinis, I get drunk and I go home and I eat food from, you know, from room service. So we want to find the middle of that. Dear Jared, I live in Miami. I have three very active boys, nine, eight, and four. Oh, my God, your house is a jungle gym. I have a friend who lives in omaha who has three girls, six, five, and two. We've been friends for 20 plus years. She's five years younger than me, and I've always texted throughout the day. Funny memes, family stuff, our parents are best friends, recipes, pop culture things, etc. Etc. But once we had kids, all that changed, especially over the last couple years. Now I am constantly sent texts on a daily basis about her daughters, photos of them doing daily activities, captions like, we love our gymnastics star. All three of them hugging or holding hands, telling me how everyone compliments on how she has three perfectly behaved girls, et cetera, et cetera. This is hell on earth. Her family nicknamed her and her husband Princess Lauren and perfect Peter. That's their names. Hey, they sound awful. I'm happy. She's happy again. And you're sitting in Miami with three animals and it's hot. You're sweating your ass off picking up toys from these three, three boys that are running around with their heads chopped off. And she has three girls that are like, la, la, la, la, la, la. Paying, you know, a mortgage In Omaha that's $10 a month, all three of them. I'm, I'm happy. She's happy and living her best, her life of homeschooling and living a trad wife lifestyle. Man, you, you have painted a picture of her. I just can't Stand the constant texting me, updating me on every detail of her day and sending me photos of her kids when I know life is a storm with kids and it's not always perfect like she portrays. Yeah, I, yeah, I get it. My responses have become less and less or a generic response with three applic, three application mark, three exclamation marks, added, added. Yeah, I mean some people are what they is like and maybe they shake out of it at some point. They become the person you always knew. But this happens. I have three wild boys active in sports, body slamming each other daily. Yeah, I knew, I knew this before you wrote this. Fishing, getting dirty, the goes on. Not to mention our four year old is autistic. So it's been very challenging for us. I can't pretend like I have a perfect life to her. So I just say mom. Well yeah, you don't have to like one up her. I think it's. No, this is tough. I mentally, this is tough. I agree. We went to Catholic school, we went the Catholic school route, live in Miami, travel oftener, constantly on the go with the boys. I listen, you don't have to. Your life is more relatable than hers to be me. What I'm getting to is, it's not, it's, it's only one sided me asking about her, their weekend plans, kids, etc. Well, yeah, it's getting to the point where she sent me 13 photos throughout the day. Well, hold on. What I'm getting to is it's only one sided me asking her about her their weekend plans, kids, etc. It's getting to the point where she sent me 13 photos throughout the day of her daughters. We were just in the Cayman Islands in Argentina and she not once asked how our trip was nothing. And when I sent her photos, she said is this real life? Then sent me photos of her daughters with their grandparents. Even when she's trying to. Yeah, she did the thing. Your vacation, your tropical vacation. She one upped you by one downing you. Oh, I can't believe how again I'm gonna be as sensitive as you are. Because you're being sensitive, which I listen, I'm that way too. But you're, you're like, look at how beautiful the beaches. You're like got her. And she's like, oh, I wish we could do a beach. All we have is our girls on grandpa's lap. That's all we've got. And you're like, hey, fuck. Like she, she got you by undercutting you. She did like the victim play. Oh, Only a few days with grandpa, I guess, you know, you know, but tropical vacations are fun. I hope you called your nana. They only have a few days left. Like, that's horrible. She will never ask about my family, kids, or anything for that matter. I have zero jealousy of her life. You don't, ah, not to, not to push back at you. You're, you're not jealous of her life, but she's showing you. You're comparing. You're not, you're not, you may not be jealous of her life, but you're always left wondering, you know, that she thinks. Or you're, you're not jealous of her life, but you're annoyed that she thinks her life is just as good as yours. You know, not to be the joker. Like, I'm not trying to, like, find the evil within you, but I'm telling you right now, this is, this is like one of the, this is one of the sins. This is, and this isn't jealousy, but it's a little, it's a little bit of like, who chose, you know, honestly, the thing that's annoying and the thing that she's kind of forcing on you. She is. I, I do believe this is, and this is kind of like, what would life be in this direction versus this direction? There's a comparative game going on here. I'm not, I don't, I to. You're not jealous of her life. I, I, I agree you're not, but I would say it's not, you know, this isn't easily explained that way. I just don't know if I say anything kindly or keep my fake responses up. It's just really annoying. And I'm over it, obsessed with you and love the pot. Thank you for your time. Xx, you know, thank you for this email. It's a fantastic email. It's a fantastic predicament. It's relatable, it's. Anyone could go through this. You're not alone. You're not a bad person for feeling this way. That's why I'm like, pushing back with you on the jealousy thing. Like, no, no, this is like, this is annoying. There's three ways to go with it. There's three ways to go, in my opinion. You stop responding altogether. Just done. And when you, and that's kind of the male way, stop responding, you just go, we've gone in two different directions. I really, I'll let her, I'll let the baby cry herself out. She'll stop sending me updates once she stops getting the dopamine drip. From me. And if she ever comes back to me and says, hey, why don't you respond? It feels a little one sided. I just felt like I was watching the movie of your life and never getting questions about my life, so I kind of faded away. That would be a response. I would keep my holster. The second option is to confront her, which is not the option I would do. I, I, you can say, hey, I'm a little annoyed you send me all these great pictures. I'm always responding, I'm always asking questions about your life, but it feels like you're not asking about mine and I'm not. This is an uneven thing and, and you got to do it with a hug and love and, and just a little bit of honesty. Hey, I love you. We have such a history and I love seeing you happy with your girls, but sometimes I feel like you're not really asking me about my life. There's actually four options. The fourth option is you only send memes. Go back to what you used to do. Don't try and do what she's doing just because she sends pictures of families and grandpa's dressed as Santa with a kid on the lap crying because he got the gift of his dreams. You don't have to do that. How about you just send memes and funny stuff. Any grandpa photo is outdone by the funny video of someone pooping themselves after getting punched in the face because they tried to cut the line at Walmart. Like that's that that wins every time. You know they're gonna laugh. Send back a ha. Their haha brings you back. It kind of resets things to reality, which I think would be great and you would enjoy. So it might show you, it might like take away the veneers a little bit. Veneers, Veneer. The, the, the, it might shed the mask a little bit to see that they laugh at some stupid meme or video you send them and that will get you through. So that's the third option. The fourth option is to, with them, you just make a bunch of take the pictures of your kids doing stuff and turn them into like fake posters. Like, or you send the pictures of your kids like going all the way. Like anytime that that's how you fuck with her. You with her by. She sends you a picture of the girls dressed alike going to Sunday church after she homeschooled them. And you send back your kids completely naked, wrestling and angry at each other, crying. Like you said the total opposite. You'd kind of do what she did to you with the, oh, look at our vacation. She's like, well, we hung out with grandpa, but I guess the beach is fun. And she sends you, hey, look at they. You know, we went to First Communion. Oh, that's fun. Look at my kids. They're eating a cake with their hands. You know, like, I, I think you sending the Malcolm in the Middle version of your life, you know, like the, look how crazy this house is. That's a fire with fire type of thing. Now you kind of undercut her. Look what we're doing today. We're drawing on walls, you know, like, I, I think that would be fun. So those are some options. I, I don't know what route I would go. I would probably go the route of she's your meme person. You're done with family stuff. You're not going to send her family stuff. I would, I would go the route of I'm gonna send the things that I think she would find funny because we have this long standing relationship and I know her humor and hopefully she comes back with a, oh, my God, that's hilarious. And she starts responding in kind and sending you more memes than she does the family. You guys, you guys go away from wearing this costume that is mom and go back to the original relationship, which is two friends. That's. That's actually sound advice, as I say it out loud, because that's, that's the only way this can go to be a happy friendship. Right now you both are wearing mom costumes and this happens. I think this happens to a lot of women. Just from my angle. You're going to put on mom costume because she put it on and you feel bad that you're not sending the pictures of your family. And she keeps sending the pictures of hers. And it's a little bit like chicken or egg, and. And it only stops when someone relents. And I'm saying, I'm a relenter. I like to go, yeah, I'm going to take off this costume and I'm gonna be me. And I think we all have different versions of ourselves with different people. The version of you that you like the most with her seems to have been the memes and the texting throughout the day about the stupidity of the day and having that connection. So I would, I would push towards that. J train podcast@gmail.com J train podcastmail.com Mailbag Monday, back next week, Boom.