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The JTrain Podcast
I got hit on by my friend's fiance - MONDAY MAILBAG - The JTrain Podcast w Jared Freid
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Jared Freed
It's a mailbag. Munder. You got problems there. I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag Monday. Hello and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed, come to you live from Portland, Oregon. That's right, every Monday is a mail Bag Monday. You send in your emails and I answer your questions. And it can be really about anything. Relationships, friend issues, predicaments. Just give me a bone to gnaw. And how do you send it in? Jtrain podcastmail.com. that's the email address. Title it Mailbag Monday and we'll get to your problem. You can also send it to the JTrain podcast Instagram account. Train Podcast. I would love for you to follow that account. It gives you videos that will kind of update you on what's going on in the show. V's doing a great job. I understand. This is a daily podcast and some days you might go, I've had enough of Jared. And some days you'll go, oh, my God, it just popped up on my feed. That's a good listen. I need that right now. So I'm asking you to follow the J Train Instagram account because this podcast is there for you in the. As they say, when I sold life insurance, the if and when. That's when you buy the insurance for the if and when it's going to happen. And if it happens, you want to have that insurance. That was kind of the sale that I could transfer over to podcasts to the J Train Podcast. You're going to need me. It's just a matter of when and if. I'm trying to think off the top. Matt, what does that if mean? If you're bored, if you're on a car ride, if you're feeling anxious, if you're trying to get to bed, that's when you need the J Train podcast. Okay, so that's my sales job on the. On the podcast. To get you to follow the Instagram account. Send in your. I have your mailbag questions. I have two great titles. I again, I read them with you. New Year's Eve mess. We are in the new year. Happy New Year. And then when to say I love you. So that's a preview of what we got coming up. If you're looking to come to a show, I'm going to be in Phoenix, Montreal, New Zealand, Australia, Rochester. That's a schedule coming up. There's a chance more gets added. But that's the schedule as I see it now. Jared free.com Also, if you're looking for something else to occupy your day, I've been putting up stand up videos, crowd work, kind of like long longer videos on my YouTube. There's a fun video from the comedy seller that's up right now. I put it up every Saturday. We're calling it Saturday Night J Train. So if you subscribe to the YouTube channel, you'll get chit chat Wednesday so you can see the guest I'm, I'm talking with. And you'll also get Saturday Night J Train. We've got a few good ones up there. There's a long one from Batavia. There's going to be more from Batavia because I, we taped every show. There'll be more from Portland as, as time goes on. But right now there's one from the comedy seller Fun one. Just a hectic Tuesday night show. Can you can see what it's like to be at the Cellar on a Tuesday night. So that's my plug for that. Otherwise we have two ads today this week. Support the sponsors if they can support you. Let's get, we'll get to the first question though, because this one, I mean it is written. I haven't read it, but I'm looking at it and it's got bullet points, it's got paragraphs. It's just, it's, it's a beautiful looking email. From my experience in the answering emails out of my Ask game New Year's Eve mess. Dear Jared, Feather, Feather, thank you for all the content you put out. I'm subscribed to everything, including Patreon and you up with benefits. Thank you. That is, I can't thank you enough. That is above and beyond. I really appreciate it. I'd love your advice on something that happened at a New Year's Eve party last night. Fresh off the presses. This is fresh, hot and ready. I love this. I love that it's relevant. This is right now. This person is going through it. Our friends hosted a small gathering of mostly couples. Okay. Our friends hosted a small gathering of mostly couples. So that is, I'm assuming they're in a couple, they're amongst other couples. Small gathering. I get it. Lots is said. A lot is said in that one sentence. We've set the scene, so to speak, halfway through the night, after many drinks, my friend's fiance, let's call him Jordan, made a comment about my body in front of my husband and another friend's fiance, John. So based on like all the couples and the fiance's, I'm sure I'm imagining New York City apartment. They're like 28 to 30 because of all the fiance talk. And. Okay, I mean, this is uncomfortable. This is out of a TV show. This is a. This is a movie setup. So Jordan makes a comment about your body in front of your husband and another friend's fiance, John, he said to my husband, well, you're so lucky because your wife has that big, big, hot piece of ass. Oh, my God. That is. I mean, some sentences, some. Some statements. That is like, jarring. I mean, here's the other thing. It's not something I have never thought in my brain. You know that that's the thing. Like, you see a sentence like that, like, I'm not going to say, like, listen, I wouldn't say that to a friend of mine's wife or fiance. That's crazy. It's crazy. This is crazy. Let me. Let me make sure I establish. I think this is cr. But this guy. I mean, like, I don't want to act like I'm above thinking of a hot piece of ass. I've already digressed too much. I'm like, incriminating myself. I would never say this. This is crazy. Well, you're so lucky because your wife has that big, hot piece of ass. It is so outlandish that it's almost comical. Big hot piece of ass in public. Ashley, Jordan's fiance wasn't nearby to hear this. That makes it worse because it's now behind his fiance's back. Right. If I'm to play empathetic Jared to the. The pig in this situation, if the wife was there and this was like, kind of one big laugh amongst. It would still be un. I could see it still being uncomfortable, but I'd also be like, at least the wife knows he's an animal. Like, it's. He's an open animal. This is. This is very much, you know, in the weeds, so to speak. John quickly diffused the situation. So John is the other fiance saying, okay, easy now. Yeah, that it's this is bad, and pulled Jordan away. I acted like I didn't hear it. And my husband distanced himself from the two guys. Man, that's. This is uncomfortable. This is bad. Again, in front of the wife. Still bad, but like, okay, we can talk this out. The wife can go, what the fuck? And get mad at him. This is bad. I've been feeling hurt and creeped out since the fact that Jordan thought it was okay to make that comment to my husband about me feels more vulgar and disrespectful than flirtatious. Yeah, it is almost like, I, I, listen, your feelings are seen, they're hurt. I, I, I, it is, it's disrespectful to not be good in company. I haven't brought it up with my husband yet. And also, like, that you haven't brought it up with him. Like, what are his feelings? Also the fact that the other guy had to pull him away and your husband didn't immediately. I'm not blaming your husband. This isn't me. But I, and I understand, like, listen, if I again, I'm not better than thinking that some woman has a hot piece of ass. I'm also not better than not knowing what to do in this situation and maybe not saying anything right away. I, I, I, so your husband. I understand. Like, what do I say? Was he joking? Is this what's going on? You know, like, you in the moment, he might not have heard it or he assumes I didn't and didn't want to embarrass. Doesn't want to embarrass anyone by bringing it up. Yeah, so maybe he, he didn't hear it. Maybe he assumes you didn't really hear it. This is, I mean, I'm rereading what she wrote, but I, I'm like, going through this in my head. Doesn't want to embarrass anyone. Yeah, then, then that's the thing. It's like, let's not bring this up because I don't want to have to deal with this if, if it was something no one heard at the end of the night. He just said, jordan is a really weird guy. Okay, so he heard it. That was him checking. I think him checking in with you about this. Jordan is a really weird guy. Is him distancing himself from Jordan? The, the asshole. My questions are, how do I move past feeling creeped out by Jordan and sorry for my friend without saying anything? Okay, I don't know if you cannot not, I think you gotta talk to someone. You gotta talk to your husband. Am I overreacting? No, you not overreacting. Could this just be chalked up to him being drunk, or does this signal a bigger issue? Um, I don't think you're overreacting as far as feeling the way you feel. You feel how you feel. And I can understand someone going, I'm creeped out by that guy Jordan making a weird comment to me behind his wife's back, not within earshot of my husband. Again, the, the fact that he didn't. You said our friend, host Jordan made a comment about money. In front of my husband and other friend's fiance, John. He said to my husband, so I don't blame you for. You're not overreacting. The. Does this signal a bigger issue? Yeah. For him. I don't know if it's a bigger issue for you and him, maybe. I mean, the issue for you, to me, I would understand you going, I don't want to hang out with him anymore. And that's okay. That this is, this is like how, this is an extreme example, but this is how you find your couple friends. You see what the dynamic is. Like, you know, this is why a lot of couples hang out with, like, the, you know, the parents of, of that are the, that have kids the same age because you could talk about the kids and, and you're not in different places of life. You know, I'm just saying this is how your friends become old friends and not current friends. They have a husband that is a creep and says weird things when he's drunk. Which to me, like, if I'm to think of, like, what's the most likely scenario? This guy's a drunk. He's not happy in his own marriage. He. Or is he engaged? So he's engaged to your friend Ashley. They have, they have bigger issues. Do you, with him? I think your bigger issue is that you might lose your friend. Them as friends, as a couple, which I would be okay losing them. Should I talk about this with my husband? Yes. I think that's like, should I tell John's fiance, who's Ashley's, who's Ashley's maid of honor, so the other guy, the guy that got involved or. Just take this to my grave and avoid stirring the pot. I mean, for context, we're all in our early 30s. The guys aren't particularly close, so the women are friends. They all, they only hang out when we bring them to group events like this. And they're not fratty at all. Well, I don't even know what that means. I, I, I guess I understand what that means. They're in a fratty. It doesn't matter. You're in your 30s. They're just, they're guys. And this guy's a, you know, being a piece of shit, making people uncomfortable. Thank you so much. Best 2020. Best 2026 is my year. I'm, I'm sorry this happened. I'm talking this out as I'm reading it. Um, I think the first step to me, I, your, your husband said, Jordan is a really weird guy. You put it in quotes. I'm going straight to my husband. Hey, we got to talk about what happened the other night. I think this is something that makes you a stronger couple. I, I also, like, I, I hope you have empathy for his position of not knowing who heard and not what. Like, I, I, I'm kind of. In the beginning, it might have sounded like I was blaming your husband. I, I think I, I'm, I'm, I understand his position more than, like, I would feel uncomfortable. Did anyone hear this if they didn't let me let this lie. I don't want to get involved. I don't. And again, he doesn't know these guys. He only knows these guys because they're your friends, husbands and fiances. So he's like, I gotta, you know, I don't want to ruin my, my fiance's or my wife. I'm so confused. There's so many players. You said he's your husband. I don't want to ruin my wife's relationships if they don't need to be. She has her own relationship with her, so I understand why he tiptoed. I think you go to your husband and be like, hey, we got to talk about what happened the other night. I'm feeling annoyed. I'm like, I'm stressed out by it. This, did you, did you hear that, what that guy Jordan said? Get his, get his perspective, get his vantage point and then talk it out with him. I think talking out with him will make you feel better and validated that this was uncomfortable. This was annoying. He might come to you and go listen. And again, he's having his own thing with these guys. He would probably have the best, like, he probably has an opinion on these guys. And he might be holding on to that opinion because he doesn't want to get in the way of your friendships with these women. Again, the guys only hang out when they are brought to a party by the women who are friends. So I would have a little bit in me of like, I don't want to, like, ruin my wife's friendships. This guy's a, I've always known this guy was a piece of shit. He, you know, now I'm, I'm, I'm proven right. I'm not going to hang out with him. I'm not going to try and hang out with, he might have made his own peace with it. And so I can understand why he didn't bring it up. I can also understand why he, you know, is like, yeah, this guy sucks. Like, when I meet someone who sucks, I back away. Goodbye. I don't this is why there's no real husbands of whatever. And I think there has been a real husbands, but I'm saying, like the Real Housewives, this drama, this we're having it out, is not a guy thing. Generally, like, you know, like, guys kind of back away from this. I talked about this on Pop Culture Thursday with, like, the Justin Baldoni, Blake Lively thing. Like, there's a. There's a. There are article titles that I go, not for me, not fun. And I do think that's like, a guy thing of, like, avoiding drama. And listen, I could understand how that would make women angry, get involved, help me out, you know. You know, fight for me. I do understand that, but I think if you go to your husband and, like, go, hey, what was your vantage point of this whole thing? I feel uncomfortable. And then he might come to you and go, listen, I've always known this guy was a piece of shit. And I kind of stay away from him. I hang out with him. Because you're. You're friends with his wife. The. To go back to your other questions. How do I move past feeling creeped out? I don't think you can. I think you might have to, like, avoid this couple and take some time away from them. And if your friend. The way I would play it and this is how I would operate, if my friend came to me and was like, hey, we don't hang out anymore. You never hang out with me and my husband. Yeah, well, he said some weird shit to me. He gets a little drunk, and you could say, I don't know if it was drunk or whatever, but he made a comment to my husband about my body and made me feel annoyed. And I didn't want to get involved with you in your marriage or you and your relationship, so I kind of backed away. And that's what happens. That's how you lose friends. Now the. Should I. Should I tell John's fiance? Who. So John is the guy who got involved and helped out and pulled everyone away from each other. His fiance is the maid of honor. Yeah, I mean, that's the next step. That's the. I think maybe. I don't know. I can't tell you what to do there. I can say that if maybe you go on a double date, you know, John witnessed the whole thing. Obviously, John was the okay, easy now guy and pulled the guy away. I would assume he has told, had some form of conversation with his fiance who's the maid of honor in their wedding. If you went to her and been like, hey, did John tell you about what happened at the party? I'm feeling so annoyed by it, I don't know what to do. That could be a good way to like, open up the conversation with her. I would assume she's talked about it with him. Because if I'm John the savior, that's a great story to go back with with your fiance. You're never going to believe what fucking happened. That, that douchebag said something to so and so. You know, I, I, I think that's a story I would tell my, because he has nothing. He's really only got to gain in that situ. And it's, you know, it's a story. So I hope this makes you feel your feelings validated. My, my, if I was in your position and I got like, was made to feel uncomfortable by someone at a party, I probably wouldn't hang with them very quickly and I'd create some space between us. And listen, I'm, I'm probably giving you the perspective that is most helpful to understand your husband, because I'm uncomfortable by this. I don't know what I would do. I don't know how involved I would get. I would be the guy to kind of back away and go, ah, I, I, and I do think that's like a human response to go, this guy's a creep. I'm not looking to hang with him. He's not a friend of mine. If my wife wants to keep up a relationship with, with his wife, that's fine. But like, he's not someone I'm gonna opt to go like, you know, to create a relationship with. And I'm sure that's what's going on with your husband. This is a tough one. What a, what a shitty New Year's thing to happen. It's so jarring. Well, you're lucky. You're so lucky because your wife has that big hot piece of ass, it's such a drunk guy thing to say. It's so aggressive. Okay, easy now. That's again, like, again to bring you kind of inside the mind of a man. Even the guy who helped out, the guy who did the most was like, okay, easy now. Like the dad who comes in too late to break up the kids from fighting after everyone's bloody. So I, I hope this answered your question or helped you out. I, I, you are seen invalidated as feeling creeped out. Yeah. And you're not overreacting. But like, I also, like, if I'm in your shoes, I'm not like, looking to fix this person's Marriage. But, you know, they might want a warning. They are engaged, I think. Here's the order of operation. The pemdas it goes. Talk it out with your husband. Get his perspective. You know, let's create a couple's game plan for how we're gonna handle the creep and his fiance. What is our house policy on them? Are we friends with them? Are we not hanging out with them anymore? That actually makes you guys closer, to be honest. What's our. What is our policy on. On creepy Joe, Creepy Jordan and the fiance? Because she is a friend of yours. I'm thinking based on the dynamic, then I think you go to your friend who's the maid of honor and be like, hey, I just had, like a whole talk with my husband about New Year's. I had some weird interaction with Jordan that I think your husband like, or if you. Your fiance witnessed. I don't know. Did you hear anything about this? Feel her out. And then she might say, yeah, we've kind of noticed. And then maybe she says to you, I've been thinking about. I think that's when it goes from, like, how much do you reach out to the. The fiance of the creep? Because then that person's the man of honor. Yeah, he drinks too much. And this happens a lot. She might give you a whole backstory that you didn't even know. And it, you know, it might help you to feel better to know that this guy's, like, got a huge issue. You don't know. I don't know if that would help you or hurt you or. I don't know. I'm just saying. And then she might say, well, that's the last straw. We got to talk to her. You know, this is the maid of honor. I would think the great. The job of that position is like, protection of the bride. If you want to, like, get deep on it. She's like her head honcho. Her like, her lead security. So maybe she goes, he's made comments to me. This. Now he's doing it to you. We got to let her know. Or she goes, he got drunk. He made it as a joke. He actually said something to me. Like, he said that he felt bad. You know, maybe that's it. That that is an option in a series of options. So I hope this was helpful. I hope I talked this out enough. And, yeah, this is New Year's Eve mess. Good email title, because it is a mess. We have sponsors. DraftKings. 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That's 50% off your first box and one month free at Planet Fitness with code J train PF at every plate.com podcast. What a deal. So those are our sponsors for today. It's a mailbag Monday. You can send in your emails jtrain podcastmail.com title it j title at Mailbag Monday. Title at Mailbag Monday. Man, I'm looking at the tv. I have basketball on. This is the first Saturday. This is that dreaded first Saturday of like, no football. And it really, it sends a chill down my spine. I'm looking out the window at Portland. Gray, gloomy, but very Portland looking. Just beautiful. I'm in the Goonies. It's. It's unbelievable. The shows last night, awesome. I love Helium Comedy club. Love it. Just so good here. Every comic knows it. If you live in Portland or ever around here, the shows there are just always fun. Okay, when to say I love you. Well, tough ones today. Tough ones for J Train, Jared, Feather, Feather and Hanukkah. Same. Okay, my mailbag Monday is relationship advice. Okay. I've been seeing my boyfriend for six months today, incidentally, I'm nearly six years divorced and this is my first new relationship in 10 years. Well, good for you. I have almost no dating experience, which I've always been self conscious about. Well, I know you're self conscious about it because you're writing it here. To me, that has nothing to do. I haven't read this yet. I'm reading this the same way I read the last one as I go. When you say, I'm nearly six years divorced and this is my first new relationship in 10 years. Great. You've been seeing this guy for six months. You called me your boyfriend. That's all positive. I have no dating experience. Who does? The idea that there's dating experts. I always say this with this show, with you up, I'm just giving my feelings, my opinion, and it's just how I would play it, how I have played it. That's not an expert. That's just me giving perspective. So the idea that there's these people out there with, you know, dating experience, someone could look at me and go, jared has dating experience. He's been dating for, you know, since he's been 22, and now he's 39. He's still single. What good did the experience do. Do for you Sometimes, you know, what do they say? What is it? Bliss? Something is bliss. I'm an idiot right now. Ignorance is bliss. Sometimes I. I see people, you know, the, the beauty of getting married young and jumping right in is you're just gung ho. It's. And by the time you look around, you go, oh, I have this life. You know, there's some of the. Say dating experience will hold you back from being a little delusional. What you do need to be to get in a relationship, you need to have a smoothie that is a blend of logical and romantic. And romantic is delusion. So you got to be easier on yourself. I have almost no dating experience, which I've always been self conscious about. I can't tell you how to feel, but I'm telling you. Maybe that's something to look at, but it was never really my style to date casually. Okay, so that wasn't for you. That's okay. Not sure if it's necessary for me to even mention that, but maybe for context, I don't know. I don't think so. It. Listen, everything once it's said is necessary. But I even said, as you wrote that I was like, why do I have to Know this when to say, I love you. Six years divorce. New relationship in 10 years. Okay. What your experience as. I don't know. Again, I don't know who is better off for dating. Experience is kind of my thing. It's better off for having a podcast and talking out of your ass and being funny about it. That helps. So, anyways, my current boyfriend, I've been very aware of the slide, so to speak. So anyway, my current boyfriend, I have been very aware of the slide, so to speak, as I've fallen in love with him, but I don't know how or when to tell him that I love him. I'm like, I read that and I'm like, happy for you. You wrote the most important part. I've fallen in love with him. It is funny that you write, I've been aware of. Very aware of the slide. That's fear. You're fearful. You're like, I have lost control. When you use the word slide. I have lost control and fallen in love. You know, there's two ways to look at it. Oh, my God, I've lost control and I'm gonna get hurt, or, oh, my God, I've lost control and I'm in love. Those are two ways. It's like, it is unbelievable, the thin line between. I mean, I'll say this. I remember. I. This isn't. I'm only comparing it because it's my experience when I, you know, when I was trying to sell the. The special and then Netflix bought it. I remember, and I said this on podcast when I had this special I was trying to sell, and I'm like, how could they not buy the special? How could someone not want what I put out there? I was so angry. And then Netflix buys it, and immediately it turned into, oh, my God, how could they ever buy this? You know, And I think that's kind of similar with this. Like, how could you know? I've been divorced for six years. How. And I'm a good person. How have I been single for. How is this my first. You know, how have I been single for this long? And then you fall in love with someone, you're like, how did I. How could I fall in love with someone? You know, it just changes on a dime. But I don't know when or how to tell him that I love him. I haven't told a partner that I love them since literally 2014. There have been moments where I can feel it hang in the air, but I still feel scared to say it out loud for fear of rejection. And it's not even that I have to hear it back from him. And I. And I want to know how I. It's. And it's not even that I have to hear it back from him. And I want him to know how I feel. But I haven't been that vulnerable with a person in so long that I don't even know where to start. You've probably gotten so many emails just like this one over the years, but thank you for reading. Love the podcast. Hope to catch your show next time you're in Utah. Utah might happen. Okay. Anxious Anonymous in Utah. So I've gotten versions of this email before you wrote all the things. I mean, I can't tell you what to do. I would say if there's a way to make yourself excited that you're in love rather than scared that you're in love, I don't know how to make you do that. I think it's like, I read this email and there's this. There's a different way to look at it. You feel scared to say it out loud for fear of rejection, but I still feel scared to say it out loud for fear of rejection. I think it's cool that you feel it. I think it's like, like, I think you should take a moment to pat yourself on the back. Like, I do think if you're single long enough, as you said, it's my first new relationship in 10 years, you kind of like, forget. You're like, can I get there? And you're there. Look at that. Let's, let's, let's, let's have a big pat on the back for that. Look at. You can feel love. You've done it. You're here. Let's take the win now. I can't tell you to jump off the cliff and say I love you, or when to do that, how to do that. But I can say that you'll feel better when you say it. It'll be like a, you know, you already said, you know you'll feel better. I think these things are easier. Like, if I was to give advice on, like, when to say it. I think these things. This is dumb advice. Just. I'm just saying it's dumb advice. I think it's easier to say these things when you're like, vulnerability is easier when you're in vulnerable circumstances. But I could see someone's feedback being like, well, now you're like, well, no, that's not your problem. I would do this, like, while you're cuddling in bed. I think that's like, a nice time to say it. Also, you're, like, looking at the ceiling so, like, you don't have to, like, make eye contact. It makes it easier, like, if I'm thinking of, like, best, you know, and again, like, you know, the person on the side, you know, you're. You're sitting within their grasp. You're in the crevasse between their armpit. Crevasse. You're laying on them, chest hair in your face, whatever it is. Maybe you're in Utah. They're probably a little bit more hairless than a man in the Northeast. And you go, I just want to let you know I've fallen for you. I think also, letting them know, I don't think you need to get into. You can do whatever way you want. But I think letting them know, like, hey, these six months have been really fun, and getting to know you has been, like, such a pleasure. And I just want to let you know I love you, and that's how I feel. This isn't me fishing for an I love you back. It is just something I want you to know because I want you to know what page I'm on. Maybe that would be good. I'm getting. I'm, like, excited for you. I think this is great. I think you got. I think, you know, I hope my excitement for you make, you know, you. You came to this cynical, podcasting asshole and with a very sweet question, and I think it's very nice. And I hope, you know, again, I hope this, like, ramble lets you know that, like, this is fun. This is what life's about. You know, this is what it's. This is. This is for you. And you even said that you're like, you're not saying. I haven't told a part where I love you. There have been moments you haven't been that vulnerable with a person in so long that I don't even know where to start. Well, again, start when you're most vulnerable. Naked in bed together. Vulnerability produces vulnerability. I think that's the way to go. I mean, and listen, you've gotten to this point. I know the fear of rejection is there, because who doesn't feel that you've gotten this far and you've made it this far? You know, let's go through the scenario where they say there's three things that could happen. You love me, I don't love you. That's not going to happen. More likely also an option, I love you, too. Wouldn't that be great? We're on the same Page. Here's the other option that's tougher that you get. I appreciate that you feel that way. I'm having a great time with you too. I'm not there yet, but I'm making my way to that point. But I also don't think feelings are insane. I think two people getting married, there's delu. Again, I said there was delusion there that you need that little bit of romantic to, like, push yourself through the logical. But here's the thing that you. You should count on. You are a sane person who lives in the same reality as the person you're dating for you to be. And this does happen. And these are the stories you hear all the time because they're more entertaining than, oh, I said I love you, and they said, I love you too. You know, you never hear that story, but that happens more times than the. And I said, I love you, and then all of a sudden, I found out they had another family. Like, you hear that story. That's the one. The story people make movies about. So the more likely scenario is the more boring one, where you are a sane person living in the world where this person has acted and reacted to you in a way that made you want. Made you feel love for them, and they're somewhere close to where you feel. I don't think. Again, they're not 100%. It is most likely that they're not 100% feeling a different atmosphere than you. So that's something that should prop you up. And again, I'm sure if you. There's always the most miserable person will be like, well, when I said I love you, they told me they had a second family. And it's like that person gets in the way. That person's, you know, trying to get TikTok views. That person's trying to get attention. Forget that person. You're living in the atmosphere that your partner's living in. And I think the I love you is gonna be okay. So I hope that helps. Mailbag Monday. Back next week, boom.