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The JTrain Podcast
I'm Going To My Boyfriend's For Thanksgiving and His Mom Is Insulted I Asked To Cook! Help! - MAILBAG MONDAY
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It's a mailbag. Munder. You got problems there. I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag Monday. Hello and welcome to J Train Podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming to you live from Delray Beach, Florida. That's right, every Monday is a mailbag Monday, where you, the listener, email me the comedian, advice, questions. And we always need your questions. And it can be anything. Dating, family, friendship, whatever you're going through and you want to hear someone give an honest opinion on it. Without, here's the most important part, without making eye contact with you. I, I think a lot of your friends, I'm sure, want to help you or I want to give you advice. But you know, they soften, they don't get into it. You know, I'm sitting here, I'm just looking at myself on camera. Yeah, that sounds like a horrific thing to have to do. Stare at yourself while you talk. Well, I put up other tabs, so don't worry about your dear old uncle, J Train. So email the podcast, jtrain podcastmail.com. we always need questions, stuff. It could be even small that you just want me to chew on the bone of your problem. And that's the other thing. Maybe you're just like, I don't want to say this out loud. Now you can write here anonymously and someone can have it, have it out on your issue. So I, I think there's a, there's a. Well, we've been doing it for over 13 years, so I do think people see a value in emailing this show. So otherwise, if you are in Fort Lauderdale, if you're in the South Florida area, Fort Lauderdale in Miami, I am doing shows this weekend. It is there. Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving this week. If you're new here, I do new episodes Monday through Friday. Every day has a theme. Monday's the mailbag day. I have three emails in front of me. We will answer those, we'll get to them. I have one sponsor again. Fort Lauderdale, Miami, Royal Oak, Michigan, Columbus, Ohio. Those are the next stops on the table for one tour. I have an hour of stand up material that's different than the last hour and I would love for you to come. So that's my pitch to you also. The YouTube. The YouTube. The YouTube I'm putting up every this week. Minneapolis, the behind the scenes for Minneapolis is on YouTube right now also. And, and to end all of this, I had one more announcement. What is it? I was about to drink my coffee. There was another Minneapolis that's on YouTube. Oh, the Patreon. Patreon gets you Friday. So Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, those are on me. Plus the sponsors. Support the sponsors if they can support you. If you want to listen to my diary, Coffee with j train patreon.com Jared Freed let's get to the emails. I have three in front of me, Jared, and these are meant to be 20 minutes long. We usually go longer than 20. I got one ad, so we'll go email. Ad, email, email. Jared, saw you in Chicago. I saw your Chicago show. I'm reading these. I'm like missing words. I saw your Chicago show. My friends and I loved it. It was awesome to see how you wove your stories together for non stop laughs. Wow, what a review. That's like poster worthy. Thank you. Here's my mailbag. Monday. I started dating a guy I met on app last month. We've been on five great dates and text a little every day. Okay. Totally normal, I would say. You guys are talking. That means something. It's not nothing. It's not together forever. There's no real solidified thing here, but that's not really your issue. Okay, I'm running for two things. First, how and when do I let them know I'm not talking to anyone else? Right now. Right now I. This is called the reveal. I've been talking about it on you up and on this podcast for years now. There is no such thing as the what are we? Conversation. This isn't a conversation. This isn't a you. This isn't a we yet. So you live in the land of I. I. I am having fun. I have deleted the apps. I would like to explore what this is with you. And then the secret to the reveal. Shutting the fuck up. Say nothing. Here's the thing. I only give advice that would work on me, that would force me into a. That would force me into a very specific predicament. Do I have this information about someone that I am getting to know and say nothing and then just go on living on a different page than them? That would be uncomfortable for me. That would be uncomfortable for most people. Let's stop thinking of these people we're dating as master manipulators and the most evil person you've ever met. Let's live in the. In the fat part of the bell curve that most, most of us, you and I live in. Most people are fine people. Not great, not bad. Just fine. So when you say to someone, or when if someone were to say to me as a fine person who's not great, not not bad. Just fine. Hey, I am enjoying our relationship right now. I am deleting the apps. I'm only dating you. If I was dating other people, I would have to let them know or I would have to digest what they just told me. Go home, rethink or think about how I'm living my life and how that affects someone who just said that they want to take more time to spend with me and dig into what we are doing. So. And listen, I've been on both sides of this situation and I've been. I've had someone say I have deleted the apps and I've thought yippee. And I jump for joy and we're together now and let's see. And I've also been the other guy that goes. Oh, fuck. Okay, the big reveal has happened. Voila. They are in a relationship with me. Now I have to decide if I'm in a relationship with them. So it's hard. Secondly, he was laid off from his job almost two months ago. He's actively applying and interviewing and I'm about to be in a similar situation. My company was sold and my short term assignment ends next month. I don't mind paying for our dinners or drinks, but I don't want to offend or make things awkward. Any thoughts on how to handle this? I think you have to. I think you're mixing up two things. But they are related. Thanks for all you do here on you. Here on you up. Just a gala needed some dating and job situation advice. I think you. I think first things first. The way these two are related, I'm for. You're writing for two things. How and when do I let them know that I'm not talking to anyone else? I think that is related to. He was laid off from his job for almost two months ago. He's actively applying an interview and I'm about to be in a similar situation. My company is. You are. You are in this land of way that doesn't exist. You have been on five dates. It is you. You I get rid of. He was laid off. No, I like you. I would like to dig into this relationship. I have deleted the apps and I'm not seeing anyone else. Plain and simple. Now when? Now, let's say he says forget about him. He. His job is. No, no, no, no. His job doesn't matter now you go out for dinner. I'd like to pay. I know that you are going through a job thing and I'd like to. Or I think even more so I want to talk to you. I think one goes before the other. Don't. Let's not get into who should pay for dates before we decide on if we're actually going to date or not. You have to do this reveal where you say, I'm not talking to anyone else. He. He says, I'm not either. I'm enjoying our time together. Great. Hey, I still want to go on dates and go for dinner. I know you're going through a tough time. How have you envisioned handling this? Now that's called a relationship. That's called a negotiation. Now you two are sitting at the table together. Now it's more we than it was than the day before. But you got to start at this I thing and getting it towards we. J train podcast@gmail.com J train podcast@gmail.com we have one sponsor. I think this is a great sponsor for this time of year. 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Head to cornbread hemp.com j train use code j train at checkout. That's cornbread hemp.com j train Use code j train. Okay, we're here on my mailbag Monday. I got two more emails here. Send yours. Jtrain podcast gmail.com jtrain podcast gmail.com de Jared, longtime listener and Patreon subscriber. Thank you. Love your stuff. Writing to you from the Delta Sky Club post friend group chat group trip. Writing to you from the Delta Sky Club post friend group trip. I love this. Wanted to get your thoughts on whether or not you think it's okay to separate from friends and family in the airport if you have lounge access and they don't. A tough one. This is tough. In this case, we ended up being in different terminals, so it wasn't an issue. And I'm able to relax before my flight in peace, but was wondering if I'd pony up the guest fee so they could join me or if I would simply wave goodbye and disappear to enjoy my free food and charging ports. What do you think the appropriate airport etiquette is when it comes to lounges? Also, I was shocked that in 2025, not everyone has some kind of lounge access at this point, since they seem to come with most credit cards these days. Thanks for your daily content. A fellow Delta Club, Delta Sky Club enjoyer. I would say here's how I would I, I don't like I'm, I'm bringing people to the Sky Club. That, that's my move. If I'm traveling with someone that doesn't have it, I let me give you some feedback and then I'll give some advice. The feedback is let's stop being shocked. People don't have stuff. I think we that to me, I get there is a, there's an annoyance of wa. Really, you know. Yeah, everyone's living their own way. They don't have Sky Club, they don't have a lounge access. I, I think the reaction of like, you don't have lounge access. Like, that's not a, that's not something you can be shocked about. I, I, I'm gonna disagree with you there. The, the idea that people don't have it. Here's the thing about flying, like if you don't fly, if you, the, the thing about flying that is annoying is everyone thinks they're good at it, but no one's doing it that much to be that good at it. Like you and I, who are Delta Sky Club people and you probably travel more than most. You set up your life to include comfortable travel. If you're doing one trip a month, it's a girls trip. There is no reason to think ahead. There's no reason, you know, you deal with it the one time. Maybe get TSA pre, maybe not. But like clear. Who needs it? You know, once a month, you deal with the pain. That's why so my problem why people think they, everyone knows thinks they know travel. You do it once, you think, oh, we're all doing it this much. No, no, no, no. There are people doing it every day, every week, four times the week, that week. Now onto your predicament. If I'M with one other person, I'm bringing them to the lounge. I want to be in the lounge. So I will make sure that they get in with me. If I'm with two other people. Here's my rules with the flight. All right, let me, let me review this. If I get to the air, when I get to the airport with other people, before security, we all go on our own. We are now individuals. We are not a group. This is not a school trip. We are not connected. Once we get over the hump of security, we can then reconvene. To me, what I say to the group is, if I'm with more than one other person, if I get to the airport, see at the gate, see at the gate, I'm gonna do what I do. You're gonna do what you do. I hope you make it. See you on the other side. Now, once I get to the gate, if I'm with one other person, I would say to them, hey, I'm gonna go to the lounge. I'm bringing you with me. I take the decision out of their hands. I'm bringing you with me. And they tend to be excited about that. They tend to go, well, wow, whoa, whoa. And to me, the 50 bucks, at that point, it's not 50 bucks, it's 25 each. I'm going to spend 25. If you think about it, that 50 is the cost of getting someone in the Delta Sky Club. 25 for you, 25 for them. You're going to end up spending over $25. If you get a coffee, a snack, a water, those things. That is now, now you're making sure that you, you know, you're you. I think you're making money on this. If it's three people, if it's you and two other people, I say, hey, guys, I'm going to go to the lounge. I don't have any passes left. But you are now risking being the topic of a shit talking conversation. They will talk badly about you. They will say, I can't believe they need that that much. Like that's the problem with that. I, but if it's one, I'm taking them in. If it's two, I'm probably not going in the lounge. I'm gonna go, hey, we're all, I don't know, I've done it both ways. I've brought two people lounge just because I'm like, screw it. It depends on how much time you have, how much you need this. There is one of those things at the airport and if you Travel alone. There is this subtle adjustment of. Of going from alone traveler to group traveler where you have to, like, kind of make yourself. You have to act a little bit more appropriate than you would alone. And you kind of get put face to face with, like, how much do you actually need this? Like, what. What is wrong with you? Because it's like I once boarded a plane and there was someone, I remember we went. I was boarding the plane that called my zone, and I go to board, and then I like, charged in front of someone else, and they were like, whoa, we're all going to the same place anyways. And it's like, no, we're not. No, we're not. That is not what's going on here. We're not going to the same place. No. I'm going to my seat and hoping that the space above my head can fit both of my bags. So, yeah, I'm charging in front of you. When you're with friends, you kind of have to like, hold back. It's like eating dinner with people. You have to go, I got to make sure everyone gets their appetizer. I got to make sure. Because with the Sky Club, you go, someone will go. If it's 15 minutes before the flight, and when I'm alone, 15 minutes, that's enough time to get a coffee, to get a water, to go to the bathroom. But if I'm with two other people, do I need to get them into the Sky Club or do I need to say them, hey, guys, I just gotta like, touch the Sky Club so that I remember how much better I am than you? Like, I. I don't. That's kind of how it feels now. If it's an hour and I'm with two other people, am I paying for them? I don't know. Do I need the Sky Club? I probably do because I'm kind of spend that money out here in the wild. So I think for you, I get the problem. It's tough and it's really dependent on time at the airport, who you're with, and time in the airport and who you're with. If I kind of. If I'm in a group that was like put together, but if they're my good friends, get them in there, they'll remember that. J train podcast@gmail.com J train podcast mail.com One more email mailbag Monday. Get subscribed if you're not already. If you're listening this far in, you probably like the show Feather. Feather. I'm a Patreon and benefit subscriber thank you. Huge fan of the jcu. Thank you. Cannot wait to see your new show in Boston in January on my 31st birthday weekend. I am so pumped to come to Boston. I'm writing in with a Thanksgiving dilemma that I could definitely use your advice on. Love it. I love Thanksgiving dilemmas. This is like, this is where I do my business. This is where the JCU comes in. Clutch. This year, I'm spending Thanksgiving with my boyfriend Luca and his family, which consists of his parents, two siblings, and brother in law. We've been together a year and a half and while we see his family regularly, this is our first Thanksgiving together. I get along great with his mother, who is a wonderful cook and often regarded as the best cook in the entire extended family of around a hundred Boston Italians. That is quite a compliment. That is like she's got a reputation. Hundred Italians. I mean, what, what is that? What is that, a parade? A few weeks ago, I suggested bringing my famous cornbread stuffing to Thanksgiving. Oh, I don't know. I, I haven't read this email yet. But you just described, you know, Queen Nona, the, the, the, the, the head chef of a hundred Italian Bostonians, and now you're talking about famous cornbread stuffing. Unless it has won awards at county fairs, your cornbread stuffing is just. Cornbread stuffing. Don't come into my family where my mom is the best Sunday sauce maker this side of Weymouth and start talking about your famous cornbread stuffing. I, I, I'm just, I'm giving you feedback. I don't, I don't like where this is going. And she had what I can only describe as a visceral reaction. Yeah, you made a huge mistake. This is you. You come in to a Italian mother's home on a cooking holiday, hat in hand. Whatever I can do. Oh, my God, you're unbelievable. You don't walk in to Nona's big day and go, well, check this out. Got my famous stuff. No, too cocky, too confident. And you're saying they. He has two siblings and a brother in law. That means their sisters. The sisters are now on mama's side chirping. She came in here with her stuffing. Who brings food to my mama's event? Who brings sand to a beach? You. Yeah, I, I'm sorry, I, I think you've made a career mistake. A few weeks ago, I suggested bringing my famous cornbread stuffing to Thanksgiving and she had what I can only describe as a visceral reaction. Luca loves my stuffing. Now we got a stuffing off. Yeah, you've created. Luca right now is hiding under his bed. He wants nothing to do with his girlfriend. His mom having a big stuffing competition. I immediately backed off, like, okay, no problem. I can bring something else. No, no, no. Bring nothing. You bring yourself, and you bring a lot of compliments. I'm sorry. I'm happy. You wrote in. You have made a huge mistake. But Luka doubled down and told his mom she is a great cook. Oh, Luka. No, she's a great cook and makes a different kind of stuffing than we do. No, no. A lot of mistakes going on here. Luca. You. I. I might invite you to my Thanksgiving. I. I think you guys got to run away. Luca doubled down and told his mom she's a great cook and makes a different kind of stuffing than we do. His mom then backtracks with. I guess we can have two stuffings. I am sorry. This is a disaster. I made a joke about a stuffing off. Yeah, no, I. I can make those jokes here without mama rigatoni breathing down my neck. You gotta get away. This is an open mic night. You gotta get serious. This is. I tried to make a joke about a stuffing off. Trying to lighten the moment, but it caused her to retreat and say, you can just make the stuffing. Oh, hey, that would kill me. Oh, no, she's not happy. You have overstepped. You have gotten to. And listen, we've all done it. We've all gotten a little too cocky. We've all been overconfident. We've all thought, everyone loves me. Of course I can make a few jokes. No, you can't. You're not in this family. There are some territories you should not dip your toe into getting involved in. Italian, Bostonian mom, who is known as the best cook of the hundred people in their extended family. When you start talking about my famous cornbread stuffing. Offensive. Offensive. But it caused her to retreat and say, you can make. You can just make the stuffing. That is such a mob move. Now she's going to guilt you out. So now the pressure is on, and I'm spiraling. Yeah, yeah. You. As I would be, too. I. I don't blame you. I'm. I am. You have been seen, you have been heard. You've made mistakes. We can admit a mistake here in the jcu. Do I go all in and make the best stuffing of my life? I think you have to. Or do I intentionally back off and make a stuffing that's just. Okay. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You got to go hard. I'm worried about the Thanksgiving Table vibes. They're already off. The vibes are done. It's time to. It's time. It's time to show what all this bragging was all about. Time to stuffing it is time to stuff it. How do you think I should handle this Thanksgiving? How do you think I should handle Thanksgiving given this predicament? Any advice appreciated? Best drowning in breadcrumbs. You better bring it. You better make a stuffing that is so good that mama rigatoni tastes it, and all she wants to do is hate it. And she goes, yeah, it's okay. And everyone around who goes, mama rigatoni. That's the best stuffing you ever. Come on. It's really good. She wasn't kidding around. You need it to be so good that mama rigatoni is smoked out of her misery because you've. You've brought us here. I wouldn't have brought us here. I'm not trying to look back. I'm not saying shoulda, coulda, woulda. This was a giant mistake. But we got to live in the mistake. And right now, you have said you make, as you describe, a famous cornbread stuffing. Time to live up to the fame, baby girl. Time. Time to. It is time. To stuffing. It is time. And you got to bring a lot. You can't bring a taste. It's got to be a lot of stuffing. It's got to be the best you've ever made. And you need other mama rigatoni. Mama penne pasta is not going to be loving your stuffing. You need everyone else to go, oh, it was unbelievable. It needs to have good reason for you to make this stuffing, as opposed to just you trying to take over the mom role because that's what made her angry. You were taking over something she gets value from. She feels personal fulfillment from feeding the family and having everyone go, oh, my God, Mama ziti, you have done it again. You have outcooked yourself. Oh, my God. The extended family's right. You're the number one cook in this whole family. She gets a lot of value from that. She talks about that. She takes a lot of pride in that. And then you waltz in a year in with her with her beloved Italian son, and you start saying, well, I make a pretty good stuffing, too. And that's you saying, I'm a better caregiver than you. Mama. Mama rigatoni, Mama lasagna. Yeah, she's pretty good. But I got my world famous cornbread stuffing here. And that's how she heard it. Now, if the cornbread stuffing is as good as you say it is now. It's like, oh, okay. This wasn't about taking over a mom role. She really does make this one thing so incredibly well that that's why she brought it up, even though she shouldn't have. Love this email. This is unbelievable. I wish you luck. I want follow up. I want. I want to hear what happened. But it's time. It's time to get in the kitchen. It's time to. It's time to start, you know, ripping up breadcrumbs because you got a bit. You. The pressure is on. I do not envy you. Mailbag Monday. Every Monday here on the J Train podcast. Back next week. Boom.