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The JTrain Podcast
I'm Invited to a Wedding Where Everyone Has to Wear Blue! Is That Crazy? - MONDAY MAILBAG
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It's a mailbag. Munder, you got problems there. I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag Monday. Hello, and welcome to the J Train Podcast. Is Jay Train Jared Freed coming to you live from New York City? That's right, every Monday is a mailbag Monday, where you, the listener, email me the comedian with questions. It can be anything you'd like. Any question, friendship problems, family problems, relationships, datings, whatever you're dealing with, this is a great way to get it out of your system. At a min, you put it down in an email. Writing the email is therapeutic. And if it does make it on the show, I can promise you this, you're going to be anonymous. You're going to be handled with care and love. Yes, we will jab. We will make some jokes if we can, if it's a pro, but you will be given honest feedback on what you wrote. And I'm not making eye contact with you. I listen. Your friends are going to be dishonest with you. I'm the only one that's going to be honest with you. This is the only place you can find that. J train podcast@gmail.com. j train podcast@gmail.com. want to thank you for being listeners here. The feedback on the book from you guys, you are the spoke of the wheel. You're, you're my okps, original key players. You're the people that I am speaking directly to. It means the world that you like this podcast. It means the, the world that any of you spend any of your time with me in your ear. And I, I, I really love taking your brain putting on the shelf, letting me take the wheel for a second. So thank you. And if you haven't gotten the book yet, I, I, I, I live in a world, this might sound delusional, where the only people who got the book are people who listen to this podcast. So I'm thanking you all. If you haven't gotten it, I would love for you to get it. If you want to see me on the road, I'm going to be in Cleveland, the Hamptons, Miami, Red Bank, New Jersey, Foxwoods, Portland, Maine. We have added a date. Ring that bell, V. Go ahead, ring the bell. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. We are going to be at the Paramount Theater in Long Island. Long Island. So we'll be there. This is coming out the week after the book tour. I am taping it in New York because I'm here for the book tour. I mean, it never ends. I haven't been home for two weeks. I will at one at some point. I dream of the the waters of the Atlantic and Delray beach every day. But we'll get back there. I can hear the waves crashing. So all that's to say, let's do some emails. J train podcast, gmail.com Jared, what's. Oh, no. It says you up, Jared, you up and J Train listener. Saw you at the Cellar back in December. My first comedy seller experience. I'm literally leaving here to go to the Cellar tonight. I love the comedy seller. I think, listen, if I were to plan a New York City trip, I would the first stop on the Internet webs on the Internet would be make a reservation for the seller, make it for the McDougal street location and just whatever the lineup is you're gonna love. That's, that's my advice to you if you're gonna take advice. And that's. I'm not even saying I have to be on the show. I'm saying whatever the lineup is going to be a fun you, you and your partner, you and whoever you're with get to play God. Oh, that one was good. And that one sucked. And oh, we kind of liked what he was doing there. And she really had a good point of view. That's a fun night. Fresh out of a long marriage. Had a good run on the apps. AKA quote, a slut phase. I already know this is a woman writing in if if I, I, maybe it's not up to me, maybe, maybe it's not up to me to assume, but I think only women have a slut face. Only women would say that about themselves. I think if a guy said it, I'd be like, what's his grift? Found an absolutely lovely man. We've been dating for about five months. He's so kind, respectful, funny, insightful. I, I love that she's like, I, I had a good run the apps. My, my slut phase. And then he's like, I and I found a beautiful man. He's so kind, respectful, funny, insightful. And she writes hot. Well, they write. I don't know what their background is because I, I'm making assumptions. We have a great time together. The sex is fantastic. But I'm having a hard time with him being a little too serious for me. My ex boyfriend was so silly. Toxic as in terms of relationship potential. But we had so much fun. I miss that. The whimsy. Being so ridiculous together and laughing until my stomach hurts. My boyfriend is wonderful. He's everything I could Want. Except he's just not silly. There's no riffing. We don't have little bits we do with each other. I've tried. It's not sticking. Is this a crazy thing to even consider? No, I don't think it's crazy at all. Ending a great relationship because he's totally not silly enough. Do I keep going to let him continue to relax and get more out of his shell? Is this a deal breaker? All the best. Well, so I, I listen, are bits important? This is a very cat. This is like a very Sex in the City Carrie Bradshaw opening to an episode of Sex in the City. This is. Am I, Am I too, Am I being too much to consider the bits? But what about the bits? And I do think that's the glue for some relationships and not for others. And that's really the answer to your email. If someone said to me, I really think they're a great guy, but I just was really craving silly, I think that's as craveable as love and respect. I don't see like for and, and a bad advice giver, a bad podcaster, a bad person. If I sucked at my job, I would go on and on about how my girlfriend and I are silly and we love being silly and I love doing the bits with her. But that has nothing to do with you. You are sitting here enjoying someone's company, enjoying the sex, but going. I feel let down by the connection. That's what you're saying. So if you need me to give it a different marketing, which I'm trying to do for you, that this person's great but not your match, you need some silly. And that's kind of the beauty of dating around. You know, you said you're coming out of a long marriage and maybe when you got married it was like, listen, this is the person I got. They're great at this, they're bad at this. But you've done that already. You, you've done the check some boxes and I'll make up the rest. You have the ability, the beauty of being single and out of a marriage is like you are self sufficient. You know what you are. You can be okay alone. You've gone through hardship and tough times. So the idea of we have great sex and he's a nice guy, so maybe I should keep him because this one other thing I really crave is missing. I, I don't think that's the case. I don't think that's something you should do. So if you needed me to tell you that you're not a big old bitch for getting rid of a nice guy who's not silly enough. I'm doing that for you. I'm here for you. I'm here to tell you you're going to find it's not there. You know, you could say there's many fish in the sea, but there's your fish somewhere in the sea, and they exist out there. And you're not being too much for wanting that. You know, you're to. To go back to the fish metaphor. I think you're probably hungry. You're hungry for a relationship, but you're not starving. You're going to be fine. And if, and, and now the learning process is, hey, I really like this guy, but just missing that one thing that I really need. And maybe I don't need good sex as much as I thought I needed it before. Maybe I end up with a guy who's totally silly and the sex sucks. But I feel really good being around them and I have a great time with them and we can communicate so well because of the silly that, you know, I can, I can figure it out with him. I don't think the idea of, like, do we keep going so you can let him out of his shell? You might get there, but I think it's already in your head that this is who they are and that's why you're writing into me. I would also say, you know, I dated a silly guy before that was toxic as fuck. I think this is also another female thing to me. The. And again, to go back to, I was in my slut phase. I dated someone who's toxic. So that means even anyone who's silly. I don't need silly guy because that was toxic. No, no, no. You relating the last relationship to this is like crazy town. I do believe relationships are like, roll the dice. Every roll of the dice is independent unto itself. Every roll of the dice has the same percentage chance of it, of, of the. The numbers popping up. So I'm saying for you to say, well, my last relationship was. Was with a guy where it was toxic, but he was silly. You're taking that experience and relating to this and saying, well, there's no silliness and we're all good and it's all straightforward. It must be because of the lack of silliness. I would disagree with that. I think that's wrong. Jtrain podcast gmail.com Jtrain podcastmail.com, we always need your emails. I love that email. It was specific. It was thoughtful. It was fun. We got to clown around. We want your emails. Specific specificity. Find out what it means to me. Herobred, we are sponsored. You don't have to cut out carbs entirely. You just have to be smart about them. Here's what I love about Herobred. It is part of hero bread is the physical, the food that embodies my lifestyle. I like to be healthy when I'm healthy and then so that I can be fun and have the time of my life. Otherwise, I think Herobred does that for you. If I'm gonna have toast, I want to have toast with breakfast. I want that toast to not screw up my day or week. What do you mean screw up? I don't want it. If I could find lower calorie toast, then I'm going to do the lower calorie toast so that I can go on a lobster crawl around Connecticut and eat till I am busting out of my pants with my girlfriend. So that's where herobred comes in and they have a whole line of products. Weird to call bread products, but high in fiber, low in net carbs, zero grams of sugar. So you can start your mornings with Heroes limited edition orange scones. Make taco night healthy with their spinach and herb tortillas. If you're hosting, you can try Hawaiian rolls for your barbecue sliders or make your macaroni salad with hero penne and mini spirals. So they have kind of the whole carb land covered for you and they're doing interesting things. And with the mindset of keep it low calorie, keep it low carb, keep it high in fiber so that you're fuller, longer. I think this is and it's delicious. I've eaten it all. It's I, I, I eaten it all. I've had their toast. I've had their hero noodles. They're both great. I mean, you can get a zero sugar chocolate quason if that's what you need on a Wednesday and you'd rather have if you are like every Wednesday, I have a quant. Why don't you try hero breads? Hero bread is a great way to get some extra protein in your diet as well. Hero bread is offering 10, 10% off your order. Go to hero Co. Use code feather at checkout. That's code feather co. We got two more emails. Love your emails. J Train podcast. Gmail dot com. Keep sending them in. I'm on the road. Get the book. Get the book. I, I said in the beginning. I just assume everyone here has got the book already. Jared Feather. Feather. Long time listener, big fan, been to a couple of shows and u up live shows. Thank you. Recently dumped by a guy. We are we were approaching the three month mark. Yeah, that's a tough mark. He had some things come up in his life that he quote doesn't have a capacity for us at this time. Kid X working work are overwhelming. Okay. Feeling blindsided but we will move on. Unfortunately I'm starting a new job in the same office space different companies. What is office etiquette? When we see each other, I'm hurt by the whole situation and he thinks quote it will be nice to see each other there. Yeah. It doesn't hurt as much for him because he's already process the breakup. He's like two weeks ahead of you by at a min struggling between not wanting to speak or being casually friendly. All the advice is welcome. If I were you, I'd get out in front of this. That's my, that's my. I would, I would, I, I would let him know because here's the thing for him to say like I'd like to see you. That's him. So we need to take care of ourselves. You him saying. He's saying everything he has to say to try and get you to not freak out at him publicly. That's. That's his goal in the breakup. So the, the line doesn't have capacity for us at this time. That is straight from hr. That is straight from a friend who made it for him. That's chat GPT. What should I say to this girl that I like but I'm not ready to like commit to doesn't have a capacity for us at this time. And it's ironclad. That's really why he broke up. And he's got a kid, an ex and worker overwhelming. That's when he starts throwing stuff at you to get you to shut up. He goes, I don't have a capacity for you at this time. Then he goes, a kid X work. Everything's crazy. That's him trying to push you away so that you will keep it shut now this is all okay. And then he says to you, oh, it'll be nice to see each other over there. He's just trying to let you know he's, he's, he's, he's Nick nice. That's him. He's the Nick nice. Doesn't really have a good ring. He's Nelly nice. He's Natron nice. Natron means was a football player. I'm Trying to think of a N name. Nicholas. Nice. Nicholas Nice. Yeah, he's just trying to be Saint Nick. That's right. He's going to be as nice as possible so that you have no reason to interrupt his day. So here's the thing. He is being self serving. He is being self serving, so you need to be self serving. He's doing all this in service of his own comfort. You should do the same. My advice to you is you need to send an arrow. You have to send an arrow. You have to shoot an arrow directly through his forehead with all the information he needs. The information for how you want to feel safe and comfortable at your workspace. So a text along the lines of, hey, I'm still upset we've broken up. I need time to get over this, process this. You have had a head start on me because you ended it with me. If you see me at the office, I'm just gonna, like, need a minute. I don't need to have pleasantries. I don't need to say hello. When I'm ready to say hello, if that is ever, I'll come to you. But for now, let's just have a moment where you let me lead the way on communication. Because what he's going to do is he's going to. What he's going to do is he's going to make sure to say hello to you and be nice to you because he wants his life to be comfortable. So that's my advice to you. Let him know the parameters you want at the office space, the ones you'd be comfortable with. Take a minute, think it over and let him know, hey, if I see you in the office, let me come up to you first. Something like that. Whatever you feel comfortable with. Because everything you wrote to me, struggling between not wanting to speak and being casually friendly, you're now abiding by his rules that he's setting up to make him comfortable. You need to create the rules that work for you. You again. You're the victim here. You were the one that was ended with. So you do have a right to make the rules. So. And he should abide by them. Hey, I'm still going through it. I know you said it'd be nice to see me at work. It's not going to be nice for me. So if you see me, I'm just going to need a minute. And when I'm ready to talk with you, I'll come and say nice, nice things. I'll be nice when that time is has arrived. I'm not there yet. And you're going to have to wait on me to get there and then that's okay. But I, again, I'm, I'm saying this, this we. I read these emails with you, but there is a text here where you lead the way, not him. Because I can see by this email you're like, well, how do I fit into this? You know, this round peg with the square, you know, box, whatever, whatever. You're trying to fit into his rules. And his rules are made to make him feel comfortable. You need to create your rules that make you feel comfortable. And you need to send it in the text that is one bubble. This is a one bubble text. It's got to hit them right in the forehead. All the information has to be there. J train podcast gmail.com jtrain podcastmail.com these are great emails. I really do like them specific. Again, we love a specific email. And Mailbag Monday, you know, this is Mailbag Monday is, you know, the, the Mailbag Monday is what this show, the JCU was built from. People have been coming to me for advice for over a decade. I'm an old man. I'm an old man now. You ever hear that song? It's like on the country I get. I do Spotify country and I hot country. The, the new country. I'm an old man now. That's me answering your emails. Jtrain podcastmail.com Do I sound. Is that all it takes to be a country guy just to do that accent? All right, last one. Uncle J Train, I'm here for you. I got a wedding invite for the summer from a loose friend, lose friend, loser friend. They forget the r. Lost friend from a close friend. I don't know where they this. I got a wedding invite for this summer from a lose friend is what's written and then it says we see each other occasionally. I don't think it's a close friend because we see each other occasionally. Okay, let's keep reading. I'm 31. The bride is mid-20s. Her husband is my age. I went to their wedding website linked for your exploration. Okay, so we have the wedding website. We love specificity. Find out what it means to me. We will click on the link. Love this information. And as I was going to RSVP and as I was going to RSVP for myself, my husband and our infant, I noticed that they're asking guests to wear formal attire to a summer wedding in the south. And in the color blue. A wedding colorway. What a pain in the ass that is. I, I, listen, sometimes the traditions are the traditions. And if you're trying to try your own tradition here, this is my problem with, this is actually my problem with rich people. There was that whole thing about that woman who had a, had a colorway for her bridal party. I think the wedding got called off. She's, I, I, Excuse me while I ask my girlfriend who might know who I'm talking about. Who am I talking about? You have no look up colorway bridal party. She's from the Hamptons. People really don't like her because I can't look it up. Can you look that up for me? Okay, I got, I got my, my gal on the computer looking this up for me because that is when I heard that what happens is wedding stuff starts with the rich and then trickles down to us peasants. And what happens is they can do, hey, I had a blue thing going on for my wedding. And then all their friends who don't work and parents are rich can go, oh, let me just go out to the blue store and buy a handmade blue suit. Like, and now us losers have to try and keep up with them because one friend is online too much and thinks that they're going to be the interesting one in the group. So we all get fucked. Not is it acquired style, not the bachelorette party. It's a wedding party that had a color way and then it got, the wedding got, the wedding got ended. They're not getting married anymore. And she's also hated by people she's loved and hated. Danielle Bernstein, who wore, what is her name? Danielle Bernstein. So Danielle Bernstein had this wedding party or bridal shower that had a. It was an engagement party that had a what? She had a lookbook. So she had a lookbook. What's the definition of lookbook? I'm just barking orders at Emily. I'm sorry, I just heard myself. What am I, what am I, Meryl Streep and Devil Wears Prada? A lookbook is a curated collection of photographs designed to showcase a specific style, clothing line, or creative vision. Yeah, I don't want the creative vision of someone who can't afford to do this for every wedding. Look, this is the thing. Like, Danielle Bernstein, you better be paying for us to abide by your creative vision. And if you have a creative vision, I don't want to go into my pockets for your creative vision. So, so for this person. I, I don't even know what this email is about. I'm, I, I'm assuming it's about that they want you to wear blue to their wedding. I have a. So they write am I really expected to go out and buy a full length blue dress as a guest of this wedding? Yep. You're. You and I are on the same page. No, you shouldn't have to do this. This is. This is. This is someone with not enough money to start a new tradition at a wedding. This. That's the thing. We have to acknowledge who we are, where we are on this planet. Danielle Bernstein. If she's going to have a lookbook that we all have to abide by for her engagement party, she better be able to fucking throw a wedding that I'm going to go. My God. That was the most amazing wedding I've ever been to. Maroon 5 played the whole night like that's that the le. That's the bar for you to have a lookbook. That's the bar for you to have a color scheme. Screw you. I'm going to wear whatever fits. Cuz I'm a chubby who's who has three different size suits that I need to fit into one. So I'm going to wear whatever color will let my fat stomach fit into my pants. I have formal dresses that are not in blue and I have shorter dresses in blue. Will I be the that crazy guest if I show up in one of these options? I would wear a burlap sack and tell her to go herself. My husband. I'm so angry at this because this is the thing. It's to me. I, I've. I. This is the exam. This is to me. If you're gonna have a way. If you're. If your website is on the knot, you don't have the money to start having a color palette that we all have to abide by. I'm looking at their wedding website. It's perfectly nice. This is a. A perfectly nice wedding. It's going to be in the South. It's going to be in August 2026. It's this summer o the south in August. Oh my God. I hope you drink some water. Look at there's an our story page. I'm sure it's annoying. There's blue on the website. We met in 2020 as co workers. He was assigned to talk to the shy girl and and get her out of her shell. This is quite a tell. I mean I could read this. What started as small friendly chats. Yeah. It would start he was at work and he was beating off you in the bathroom and then he decided to ask you on a date. Stop this. Okay, enough about their stupid site. I'm just telling you my husband and I got married during COVID then had a small celebration with close friends and family. Just like guests wear whatever they are comfortable in with this semi formal as a guide. No, no. Stop stop with my wedding. This my wedding. I this Covid bride. I'm now annoyed at the emailer. Oh my God my Covid journey. No one gives a here's what I'm telling you. I'm on your side about the color palette. We nobody should have to wear a certain color to a wedding. It there here it is formal. Semi formal. You know, black tie, black tie optional. Those are the choices I don't want. Oh I just had a sky blue is the theme. Do whatever you want. Have fun with it. No, I'll have fun fitting in the suit that happens to fit that week. If I ate well enough to fit in the suit, this is enraging. You've written to the right place because not on my watch j train podcast gmail.com j train podcast gmail.com we're here every Monday with a mailbag. Monday. We will be back next week. Boom.