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The JTrain Podcast
My Boyfriend Has An Onlyfans Account! - MONDAY MAILBAG - The JTrain Podcast w Jared Freid
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Jared Freed
It's a mailbag, Munder. You got problems there. I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag Monday. Hello and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming to you live from the West Village of Manhattan. That's right, every Monday. Mailbag Monday. You, the listener, write to the J Train Podcast for advice, perspective. Advice makes me cringe a little bit because who am I to tell you what to do? All you're writing in for is someone to speak honestly without having to look you in the eye, without having to, you know, to soften. I'm not softening there. I'm soft. I'm soft mentally, physically, but I'm not soft with what I'm gonna tell you, if that makes sense. I just went to the gym trying to get harder. I'm trying to pump up. This is all stuff for another podcast, you know, on Patreon. Patreon.com JaredFried I tell my stories from the week. That's where I would talk about my. My weight loss, iron pumping journey. So would love for you to sign up for that platform. That's a great way to support the show. Another great way is to support the sponsors. We have one for this episode. The sponsors are in the description. So if they can help you, then use the promo code. And that helps this show. It's the big. It's the circle of podcasting. You're gonna get a deal. Just use the promo code. It helps this show go. Yeah. Today's sponsor will be read in between the two emails. I have two emails. We want your emails. If you have a question, a predicament, a life problem, send it in J train podcast, gmail.com. that's J train podcast. @gmail.com. you can also DM us if that's easier for you. You can send a DM to the J Train Podcast Instagram account at J Train Podcast. That's the deal. So that's really the announcements. That's the housekeeping. Otherwise, I do have shows. I'm doing some shows. New material from the. The special that was taped in December. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We keep writing. This is a real show. I'm not going. I'm not, you know, I'm going to do some crowd work, but it ain't going to be, where you from? What do you do? Where are you from? What do you do that, you know, Listen, I'm not going to sit here and besmirch other comedians, but some shows going around the country are Junk. This isn't junk. I go. I went to the cell last night, worked on the new. Did little 15 minute sets. It's coming along. There's something there. I'm having fun. So I want you to come and have fun and assemble the group chat. Rochester, New York. Rochester. Gonna have a garbage plate. Gonna have a great time. Not gonna be a garbage time. It's gonna be a good time with garbage plates to be eaten. Also, if you know anyone in these areas, would love for you to share with them this show. Maybe they'll get into the podcast. Maybe not. Maybe they'll just come to the show and bring some friends. That'd be fun. So Rochester and Nashville. Nashville. I'm doing their lab, which I usually do, the bigger room. And this time they're having a Nashville comedy festival. I like a festival. I want to be around other comedians. I'm going to see some other comedians and I'm going to do my show every night and it's going to be working out this hour that I'm trying to put together this new and I don't know what. This is going to be. The last one, the one I taped and hopefully we're going to sell to a streamer. That one was like, it was a piece I. It really was meant to be on a streaming service. It's meant to be seen. It's beautiful. We just got done editing. It is like good. I'm very proud of it. This one, I don't know what this is gonna be. We'll see. I'm having fun. So Nashville, that's where I'll be working on material and then otherwise I'm just around New York City doing the clubs here. So that is the announcement period of the, the, the, the. Oh, and let me also push. Let me just push for two seconds. I was a guest on Juliet Lippman's podcast Bachelor Party. We went for 90 minutes, just a fun show. We talked about the Bachelor, talked about reality tv. We talked about the future of it, getting a following, you know, going on a reality show, getting a following. What do you do with it? Just a fun episode. Juliet and I always have a great time talking. So go listen to that if you have some extra time or you're looking for something else. And then I went on goal golden hour with the Bachelor, Goldens with Susie and Kathy, which was a blast. That was just unhinged. And I went on Alexis Waters podcast. She was on the Bachelor Nick Viall season. She wore the shark costume famously, so had a good time on her Podcast. So these are some other shows that I've been a guest on. And maybe that gets you into their world. Maybe it adds to your, you know, Rolodex of shows. So this is all to say, let's get to the emails. Jtrain, podcastmail.com. haven't read them. I read them with you. So, Jared, big fan of the podcast. I've been with my boyfriend for almost four years. He's 30. I'm 27. We've been living together for nearly a year. We've talked about marriage, and it seems like an engagement is coming up. Well, I am happy for you. Everything you wrote makes total sense. I like to say that I don't. You know, sometimes, you know, I think we get afraid that, like, am I the crazy one? I'm. I'm 27. I don't want to push too hard. And he's 30. No, you've been together four years. You're living together a year. The next step is the next step. Here's the issue. I mentioned to him a while ago that I read a book. Don't, don't, don't go reading. Margets. Margots. Margots. Margo, I think this is Margot. Margot. This is where you find out. You're like. People write into you for advice. You just said Margaret's. Yeah, I don't know. I'm an idiot. I'm a big stupid dummy. Margets is Margets. Margot. I thought Margot was with an X. Margot. Margaret. Pronunciation. Let's. Let's look this up. The name Margot is pronounced Margo. Okay, I'm a big fucking idiot who would write to me. Okay, here's the issue. I mentioned. I mentioned to him a while ago that I read a book, Margo's Got Money Troubles, that mentioned only fans, and it didn't seem like a big deal a few days later, so I would assume. Margo's Got Money Troubles is about a young woman who gives only fans a shot. I just spelled it wrong. I'm. I'm searching. Got Money. They're gonna make it into a movie. Maybe. A bold laugh out loud, funny and heartwarming story about one woman's attempt to navigate adulthood, new motherhood, and her meager bank account. That sounds like a fun. It's going to be. Margo's Got Money Troubles is an upcoming American drama television series created by David E. Kelly, Based on the 2024 novel by Rufy Thorpe. It stars Elle Fanning and Nicole Kidman. So this is going to be a show. And David E. Kelly. I mean, this is like he is Doogie Howser. Picket Fences, Chicago Hope, the Practice, Boston Legal, Ally McBeal, like, David Kelly is a big time guy. Margo's Got Money Trouble centers on Margo Malay, whose tumultuous journey unfolds as the daughter of a Hooters wait. And a former professional wrestler after an affair with her junior college English professor leaves her pregnant. I mean, this is. This has got a lot going on already. Margot turns to Onlyfans to support herself. Reconnecting with her estranged father, who shares wisdom gleaned from his wrestling days. Margot achieves remarkable success on OnlyFans. Okay, so, you know, fish out of Watertail. I shouldn't be on Onlyfans, but now I'm here. Okay, so I. The book sounds interesting. The show I'm sure will be great. David E. Kelly. That's Elle Fanning. I mean, like, who's Nicole Kidman on tv? Okay, enough for me. Jared. Jared, shut the fuck up. Okay, so you bring this book up to your. Your boyfriend that you. I think we all know where this is going, and it didn't seem like a big deal. A few days later, while we're relaxing on a Saturday, he told me he needed to share something. You know that Only Fans thing you mentioned? That's when he confessed that he had. He had an Only fans account and subscribe to several models. You know, this is like one of those. This is one of those fun ethical discussions. And this happens on this podcast. You up. It's. It is a 2025 problem. You know what it makes me think of? When we went to San Francisco, we went to San Francisco, the most. The most liberal of places. The place where you're really trying to make sure everyone feels comfy, cozy. Of all the places and the women, they had this big issue is that they're going on the dating apps and they're finding these men who are like, ethically non monogamous. And they were. And they were like. It was like a issue that. It was like one of these puzzles they couldn't figure out because they didn't want ethically non. They didn't want ethically non monogamous. They didn't want to date someone who was just. But they couldn't. They had to, like, respect it. But if you came into the relationship saying, I'm ethically non monogamous, you were almost like, given this, like, free pass to like, go and hook up and get around. And it was an issue because to me, it was a liberal way of saying, I'm going To hook up with as many people as possible. Like I, I think it was like a shield. Like I don't buy it as a guy. I'm just saying like if you come into a relationship saying I'm ethic I choose to live in ethically non monogamous know lifestyle. I think that's you saying I'm going to hook up with you until I know I want to be in this and I don't want to get blamed if I hook up with other people while I'm hooking up with you. That's, that's me being cynical and that's me being truthful and that's me being if a guy, if a friend of mine was like yeah, no I'm ethically not this I'd be like with who? And they'd be like well I'm dating. I'm looking for someone who's up for that lifestyle. I like. You're a artist. You're a artist. So it again, why am I talking about this? Because when it comes to the only fans discussion there is this like I want to make sure I am saying the right things. But saying the right things and feeling and feeling how you feel are two different things. You know you would like to say I am okay, I want all people who put their stuffs on so you know, I want people who show their bodies to get paid. I want, you know, I don't know if the proper term is sex worker but like I want people who perform on the Internet to be paid for their work. And then your boyfriend has signed up for an only fans and this gets a little. Now you're put face to face with how you say how good you say you are and who you really are. And I. And again this isn't me telling you you're wrong for feeling annoyed by this or not into this or you're wrong for. I'm not even saying you're wrong for saying I love OnlyFans. I hope those women get paid and then feeling differently when your boyfriend does it. I don't even think you're wrong for that. I think that's human. That's what the Internet is never. No commenter on the Internet is gonna, is gonna break through and tell you that the commenter on the Internet is gonna say women should get paid or people, you know, men can be on OnlyFans too. People should get paid for putting out, you know, for doing sex work or whatever the appropriate thing to call it and they're not and then leave it at that. You should Never have a problem with it. And it's like, well, no, you can have a problem with it. It's okay to feel weird. And I think that's where this is going. That's my point. That's when he confessed that he had an only fans account and subscribed to several models. I was surprised because it didn't seem like something he'd do. Well, I would say it is something. I know you think this is where you know the feedback I get on you up podcast and I do understand it is sometimes people don't like hearing what I have to say because they go, well, my boyfriend, my husband would never. And I'm like, eh, Sometimes I feel like I'm the joker. Like, you're just like me. You're a dirty, you're a dirty creep, just like me. I am saying I understand. I'm surprised because it didn't seem like something he'd do. I would say, let's think. You know, just because he's been a faithful boyfriend doesn't mean that he likes seeing a titty every now and again, you know, And I'm joking, but I'm not like, you know, it's like, and I've said this about, I'm waxing on, I'm, I'm going, this, the email is not that long. So I, I, I, I'm going on a little bit. But I'm saying it's like when someone's like, my dad is a hero, a saint. He's been a good dad to my mother. And it's like, and then all, and, and, and then in the same breath. And these guys today, all they want everyone's disposable and they, they use the dating apps. They're all fuck boys. And it's like your dad didn't have the tool to use. We don't know how he would have been. Maybe he was the saint that if he had a dating app, he wouldn't, he'd swipe on just your mom and say yes to her and be with her for the rest of his life and they'd hold hands in their grave. I don't think that's what would have happened. So I do think your boyfriend having an only fans account, looking at some models, not that big a deal and also not a big surprise to me. So I think being less surprised is probably a good, good way to go through life. I understand. Guys watch porn. Guys watching porn occasionally. See also, your thing is signing up for the account means that this is something he checks in on, on the loop with Instagram, email, Twitter only fans. I don't think that's. I also don't think that's the case. So I both can be true. I don't think your boyfriend's above being having an OnlyFans account and checking out some women. I also don't think he's on it a thousand times a day. So, like. Because when you say, I understand guys watching porn occasionally, I don't think having the account means you watch porn more is my point. But this felt more serious. He admitted he had been paying quite a lot for this. I'm running out of money quick. And then he stopped about a year ago. He also. He felt it was important to tell me because he had been. Had been weighing on him. I get it. I get why it would weigh on him. I'm sure your conversation, oh, I'm reading this book didn't just stop it. Like, and she's an only fans person. And maybe you gave your opinion and he goes, oh, shit. Like, this is something I don't want. Like getting found by my future wife. Fiance. I don't want to. And also, like, I'm not that embarrassed about it. But she seems to have an opinion on it, which you do. You do have an opinion. I understand guys watching porn occasionally, but this felt more serious. So you do have an opinion on it. That is not positive. I'm hurt and upset, which you're allowed to be. I feel for your boyfriend a little bit, to tell you the truth. Like, he didn't again, porn onlyfans account. To me, those are. It's like going to like another place. It's. It's, it's. It's a. It's mental. It's not the same as like, it's not like porn or your girlfriend. It's not like you know the person. And I do understand from your perspective, you're paying this person directly. It feels way more personal than. Than the porn search of aversion. And it's nameless and whatever. Okay, so I'm hurting, upset. It's taken me a bit to get over and he told me I'm overreacting. I don't. Yeah, no one wants to hear their own if, if any guys are listening. Never tell a woman. Chill. He told me I'm overreacting, but am I? I don't think, I don't think there's such a thing in this sense. I don't think there's a. Listen. I don't think you went and keyed his car and then went and found the woman that he's followed on only fans and told her that she's a. Like, that'd be overreacting. I think feeling upset is totally. I can understand that, but am I. I don't want to tell any of my friends because I feel like it's actually humiliating. I would say that's. I'm not going to tell you you're overreacting. I'm going to say that the words you're using are shaming him. Like, I, I also think, like, when you say it's humiliate. Also, I don't know why you would tell your friends. Hey, everybody, John's got an only fans account and he checks out all these women with big titties. Like, I, I don't know why you would tell. I don't want to tell about any of my friends because I feel like it's actually humiliating. I don't think it's humiliating. Okay, but I can't tell you how to feel. He also complains about not having enough money and how an engagement ring is expensive yet paid the pretty penny for only fans. This is another reason why I'm upset. That to me complaining about money while spending. He did stop the account too long. Didn't read. Am I overreacting that my boyfriend had been watching several OnlyFan models while we were dating? So I think, you know, if you followed along with my going in and out of this email. I did say earlier I can understand why someone loudly tells the world how in favor of sex workers getting paid. And, and I don't. Adult models, I guess I'll call them. I'm trying to be as respectful as I can because it is a job. And, and listen, it's a job that I, you know, good for you, if that's what you want to do. And, and again, this is me being loudly appropriate. Now, if my daughter came to me, my, my fictional daughter, I would have to be put to my words of like, I thought you liked it. And you go, yeah. And you go, I don't like that. I don't like it. But I don't, you know, that I don't want that. That I, I wouldn't want my daughter. And, you know, so again, it's one of. This is a tale as old as time, who you say you are versus who you actually are. And I think, I'm sure this person writing in at some point has sat at a brunch conversation and been okay, you know, said probably similar to me, you know, I want people to get paid for their work. And I want adult models to be paid in the proper way. And it's actually, you know, you say the thing, it's actually safer if it's under the, you know, the confines of a. Of a paid, you know, platform where you. You can get health insurance. You know, like that. It's like, people say that about, like, sex work. Like, they say that about, like, prostitution, where you go, you know, if it's legalized, then you can, like, you know, you can. It can be watched and all that stuff. You know, I'm. I'm off the. I'm off the. The topic, but I would say. So am I overreacting that. So I did tell you earlier in this email, I can understand why someone wouldn't like it now. I think you got to start at your feelings, your initial feelings, and then you got to come back to reality. I think the reality is, I can understand why you find it icky. I think connecting. I've spent a lot of money on this onlyfans, and now I'm mad that I have to buy a ring. That would annoy me. That would annoy me as well. The. You being humiliated to tell friends that your boy. I think you've. Here's my issue with that. I don't. I don't under. That's not even real. That's my issue. You've. And I think when you do that, when you take it from, hey, I'm annoyed that you had this account and all I've heard about is how expensive rings are, and you've spent. And you've spent all this money. I don't know. I think you've done, like, to me. I'm on. I'm on your side for having feelings on this. Like, you're allowed to feel however you want to feel. Feel. And I understand why you're annoyed I'm on his side for taking it to this other place to kind of weaponize this other conversation. Like, that's how I would feel if I were him. Like, where it's like, you go. You've now created a scenario where you go to brunch and you tell your friends for no reason that he's been on. He's been looking at women on Only fans, which I don't know why you would ever do that. Like, if we live in reality, you, you know, I don't think you're gonna go around discussing, you know, maybe you go, yeah, my husband watches porn. Because that's easy to say, but no one would say, my husband watches, you know, Feet porn. They don't get specific. Like you're claiming how humiliating it would be now. So I, I guess this is all to say, am I, you know, I can't tell you you're overreacting because you are reacting and that's your feelings. I would say, I think connecting it, My advice to you is connecting it to these bigger psychological issues. To me, he liked looking at naked women to, As a diversion from his life, from, as we all do. It's not that big a deal. It wasn't him. You know, again, like, I've gotten emails where someone's like, you know, my boyfriend has, is following someone on OnlyFans, and he also DMs them on Instagram and you go, well, that's a different thing. Like, that's them, like, taking it to another level. That's them, you know, and, and I'm saying this as someone, like now, I guess the question of Jared, have you signed up for an Only Fans account? I haven't, but I would. I'm not above it. I, I can't say that I would never. I can't say that I. If I was so attracted to someone, then you, you know, you get in that game and, I don't know, you get the start. I, I can't say that I wouldn't ever. So are you overreacting? I think it's not, it's not that you have feelings. It's what you're doing with those feelings. So I think the one thing that, you know, obviously jumped out at me, I'm hurt and upset. That's cool. You should, that's, that's allowable. Okay. If you're going to look at, if you're going to go and, you know, have your alone time where you masturbate, I'd just rather there not be an exchange of, you know, money for goods. I just, I don't need to hear again. He didn't bring it up out of the blue. He brought it up because you brought up OnlyFans and he wanted to make sure that you were like, that he was never being dishonest with you. And he knew that you had an issue with it because you probably said something about the book and you can't believe there was something said in the description of the book that made him want to tell you and made him want to get out in front of this, so to speak. But I'm rambling now because I, I, because I would say when the thing that jumped out at me, I don't want to tell any of my friends because I feel like it's actually humiliating. He also so like that. I read, I go, I don't know, why are you doing that? Why are you creating a fake scenario where you and to me, that's a little bit of a. You're trying to shame him out of doing something that is legal, normal, fine, you know, thing that's. That happens. So I would say that to me, is where I would be like, annoyed back at my girlfriend. He also complains about not having enough money and how an engagement ring is expensive, yet paid the pretty penny for onlyfans. He said it was a year ago. So, like, the complaints today about money for you to go backtrack to the things you didn't like him spending money on just doesn't seem like a fair fight. So I. My advice to you is not that you're overreacting. It's that you're fighting unfair. And also it's like, where do we go from here? Like, hey, I don't do it anymore. Do you think of him differently? Are you unattracted to him now because of this? That's a different story. Those are all things where you have to take ownership and not force him into this. Feeling bad about something he can do nothing about now. And I think the one thing I would say to you is, I don't watch porn instead of the woman I'm dating. I don't see those as. That's not an equivalency. So I. I would hope maybe that makes you feel better to hear that, like, another guy, like, like, I don't look at porn to not have sex with a partner. You know, I look at porn because it is this diversion from life. It is a. It to me, it's as much mental health to go and, you know, to. To masturbate, whatever version you're doing, it's to get away, to take a minute, to relax. JTrain podcast@gmail.com JTrain podcastmail.com Keep sending your emails. I love that email. I love it and I do. It's funny. It's like one of those things that, like, she. It's okay for her to be annoyed, it's okay for her to be upset. But also, like, there's a few things you wrote that, like, I don't think are fair to him. We're sponsored every plate. So meal kits, we have a lot of meal kits. Meal kits, I think are great. To me, if you're looking to be healthy, a meal kit is going to help you. To me, if you're looking to be economical. Every plate. That's the type of the meal kit that this. That's what every plate is doing. Every plate is making your dinners each week. Your money. Go further, so to speak. If you're, if you think you have to spend big bucks or tons of time in the kitchen to make awesome food at home, think again. 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Go to everyplate.com podcast and use code jtrain199. That's jtrain199. To get started. Applied as discount on first box, limited time only. That's everyplate.com podcast code jtrain199. We have one more email. Jared, longtime listener, first time caller. I'm writing to you today about a friend breakup that keeps haunting me. I'm hoping you'll have some words of advice that'll help me wrap my head around this whole situation. Well, that's what I'm here for, friend. Breakups are tough. I thought my friend and I were close. We're friends for seven years, shared the same passions, had deep conversations. Last time we saw each other, she said she was proud to be my friend. And I felt the same. I mean, let me just say I have never said that to a friend. I have never been like, I am proud to be your friend. Like, that sounds like the line you give before you and your friend are gonna like jump off a cliff to like hopefully stay alive at the end of your adventure. Like, that feels like a very like to say I'm proud to be your friend. Like, I mean you must to have a breakup after that that's kind of weird. A couple years ago, I went through a serious depression. She was living in another city, and while I mentioned I wasn't feeling great, I didn't want to burden her. Still, she grew distant, taking weeks to respond and canceling plans. Okay, I'm sorry that happened. She eventually moved back to my city without telling me. I found out through mutual friends and saw on social media that she was spending time with them, but never reached out. When she finally messaged me months after returning, she apologized for not being there. I told her I felt hurt. Hope we could talk about it. She didn't take it well. She said I was making her out to be a bad person and needed space to be around more positive people. Though maybe she changed her mind one day. Okay, so let me read that sentence again. She said I was making her out to be a bad person and needed space to be around more. And they put in quotes, positive people, though maybe she'd change her mind one day. It felt awful. Like she cut me off but left the door open just enough to keep me hanging. Since then, she's grown closer to our mutual friends, and I'm completely excluded. It hurts knowing she can show up for others but not me. I'm scared I'll run into them one day. How do I accept this friendship is over and not let it make me feel like there's something wrong with me? Thank you. This is really tough because, you know, here's why this is tough. I'm sorry this is happening. Let me start with that. It's tough because it's almost easier to hear from the dumper than the dump E. Because I don't know a lot. I'm getting one side of the story and something that I really believe in. There's three sides to every story. There's your side, there's their side, and there's the truth that lands in the middle somewhere. I'm getting your side. So here's what I don't know. And it sounds like you might not know these things. So to me, when you say that, she says, I want to be around more positive people. I was going through. And you're going through a serious depression. She was living in another city. I mentioned I wasn't feeling great. I didn't want to burn her. Still, she grew distant. Okay, so I think this is one of those times. Here's what I would do if I'm like the. There's. There's two ways to go. There's one where you. There's a. There's a side door and there's a front door. There's three ways to go. One, you remove yourself from the. Because this sucks. Because they're. They're hanging with the mutual friend and, and now the mutual friend probably feels like they're in the middle. You don't. Again, there's say goodbye to this whole group and like take some time away from them. Unfollow on social media so that you don't see that when they hang out. Kind of take a cold turkey approach to like, I gotta. If they don't want me, I gotta get out of here. That's one option. Option to go to the mutual friend. Hey, I just don't understand what happened here. What do you know about this person? What made this person like push away from me and then like literally say to me that the option to be friends in the future but not right now. Like I don't even understand where that even came from. The problem with that is that you might be bothering the mutual friend to a point where they're like, oh, now I'm dealing with the burden of like I'm caught in the middle and I don't want to be in this. The third and probably the most adult option or what I would is you feel let down that this friendship ended. I think like start at that. I think going to the friend. The third option is going to the friend or this former friend and let them know this is on your mind and ask them what happened. Like, because this email is pretty vague, it doesn't make sense. Like what is it about the times you did call that made them want to talk to you less? And you say I didn't want to burden them. And they did say to you I'm looking to be around more positive people. Like again this might be some of a review of like how you interact with friends and the conversations you have. And, and the tough part is like maybe that's just like your nature. Like I, you know, that's the tough part. And like again this is probably something to unpack with a therapist, a real professional. I'm not that speaking to like a professional about like you know, but I, but if you're completely like you didn't write in your email what the conversations are like together, what they used to be. What, what did you connect on before? Like I don't know where the friendship came from. You said you with seven friends for seven years shame shared some pat the same passions. What were those passions? Had deep conversations. I don't know what those were last Time we saw each other, she said she was proud of my friend, proud to be my friend again. That's. That's the last time we saw each other. She said she was proud to be my friend, but also a couple. And then something is not. Is a miss here. So I think it's less like, why aren't we friends? It's like, what was it about this friendship that I missed? What did I skip over? What is. Am I? And I think if you go to them and you go, hey, I'm really upset to lose you as a friend. I don't know where this went wrong or when this decision was made. And now you're hanging out with someone that we both like, a mutual friend that we both enjoy, and I'm being excluded from those hangouts, so I don't even get a chance to, like, know how we can come back from this. Can you explain where this all started, where this all stems from? And I would say to them, be honest. That's the hardest part. Because they might say to you again, they might say to you, hey, like, you're pretty negative. That might be. You know, again, when they say positive, that's the only thing I have. That's, like, pretty. That's concrete. She said I was making her out to be a bad person and needed space to be around more positive people. So I think it's not like, hey, you're not hanging with me. It's what? Can I get a review? Can you give me an example? That's what I would ask for. Give me an example of a time where you're like, I can't be around me. And I need the people that know me to not be around me either, because I can't even be in a group space with me. Can you give me one example where you were like, I hate this person so much. And you can kind of laugh at it, and I'm giving advice that is so much harder to do than it is to give. Let me just please let you know that, like, everything I'm saying, I would be scared shitless to do, but you're writing into me. So you obviously miss this friendship. So starting at I miss your friendship, that's a good start with them, because you're making me out to be a bad person. To me, I miss your friendship. That's me telling you, you're such a good person that I need more of you. So why am I losing on this? What happened here? How am I. So that would be the thing. I would be so annoyed by how Am I so delusional that someone doesn't want to hang out with me at all, but I want to hang out with them? Like, I must be delusional. How do I. What world am I living in that when we hang out, we have fun, and you walk away going, oh, I can't be around that person anymore. How are we living on the same planet? That'd be. That would be kind of the premise. And that, to me, the way I'm saying it is an accusatory. I'm just wondering, what. What am I missing? What am I missing? Not. You don't hang out with me. You exclude me. You go with our mutual friend, and you never include me. No, I am really upset that I don't see you anymore. I don't know what happened because our hangs always were fun. So I think you want more concrete answers. I think that, to me, is. They might give you an example, and you might say, holy fucking shit, I wouldn't want to hang out with me either. I'm really sorry I acted that way. I'm really sorry I went that direction. Or you might hear their response and you go, oh, you. You're just, like, not looking. Like, you're just not a friend. You might be turned off to them from this conversation, which would be a blessing in itself. Gets you away from thinking about this. Now you're not writing into me about it. So J Train podcast every Monday, Mailbag Monday. Keep sending them in. Jtrain podcast. Com, back next week. Boom.