← The JTrain Podcast
The JTrain Podcast
My Boyfriend Makes A Lot Of Money! What do I do? - MONDAY MAILBAG - The JTrain Podcast w Jared Freid
00:37:22
Loading summary
Transcript1 lines
- [00:00]
Jared Freed
It's a mailbag. Munder, you got problems there. I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag Monday. Hello and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is Jay Train, Jared Freed coming you live from Hartford, Connecticut. That's right, every Monday is a mailbag Monday where you, the listene. Email me the podcaster and comedian with your questions. That's all you got to do. And if you want to be a part of this show, send your emails. We always need good advice. Emails. If it's personal, well, they're all personal. Friend advice, relationship, wedding stuff, bachelor, bachelorette party, anything. Any lifestyle advice you're looking for, send it in j train podcastmail.com and I have three emails in front of me. Usually we do two. There's no ad this week I'm going to add a third. And what do I ask from you, the listener share the show. Let a friend know. If I talk about something that relates to your life, send it to that friend that you were talking to about that subject. If you have a friend that's like, oh, I've been thinking about this and there's an email here that could relate to them, send that to them because I'm not making eye contact with those people. That's the power of a podcast. You send it in and I can speak freely and, and, you know, listen. Not that I lie to my friends, but we all soften the truth. So this is about real talk, hard truths. Yeah, I'm one of those. Bad ass. No, I mean, I come with love, I come with care. I, I always, I always talk about the advice and the perspective I give here as a hug with me whispering the truth into your ear. So think of me hugging you and then, hey, hey, buddy, you sound like a real dick right now, like that type of thing. So keep sending your emails. Jtrain podcastmail.com you can also DM us@j Train podcast on Instagram. If you see that account and you want to follow it, I would love for that. If you want to like the clips we're putting there, those are, you know, this is a daily show. I'm putting this out daily, people. And if you're listening right now, I'm in Comparta, Comporta, Comparta, Comparta, Compera. I'm in Portugal. I just did a show in London. That one, I'm going to assume it's sold out. I have shows and I just announced a whole tour. If you're listening right now, last week I announced A whole tour. I'm coming to your city, wherever you are, I'm coming. I have so many shows on the lineup of places I'm going that I'm going somewhere near you. And my ask of you is to come to the show. I'm putting together a new hour. I taped an hour in December and, and now this is a new hour from the hour that was taped in December that was new from the Netflix special. So we are now two hours away from the Netflix special. All new material. I've been, I'm in Hartford right now working on it now. I'm, you know, I'm doing these other shows that is leading up to these theaters that are gonna be, so I got Long island is where it starts. Boston, New York, Seattle, Louisiana, San Diego, Chicago, Texas, Florida, the whole country. So I, and you guys, if you're listening to my J Train podcast, I kind of know the audience and you guys are the okps, you're the original key players. You're, you're the people I, I, I, I gotta lean on the most because I, I think you're enjoying my stuff the most. If you're here at this podcast, it's not a listen, we don't got a big group here. We gotta, we got a group. We have a group, we have a group. I, I mean no sponsors today, so that, that, you know, that does that, that scares me a little bit. But we got a group and you can sign up for Patreon if you want to Support the show. Patreon.com Jared Freed I got. The first one is kind of like a question I got and it's I, I wanna, I wanna read what I got. Jared, please talk about how unsexy counter service establishments are for dates. I'm tired of being asked out on a date, showing up to the mutually agreed upon space only to find out it's counter service, which means no service and toggle between interrupting conversation for the sake of another lukewarm drink that took a minimum of 20 minutes to receive. Now this message sounds like it was sent to me from the Uber on their way home from a bad date. And I like this question or this prompt. They're basically saying, jared, please talk about how unsexy counter service establishments are for dates. I am not going to do that. Me, I'm. Someone could make that tick. Tock that TikTok. TikTok. Someone could. I, with whatever following I have, I could go on TikTok and go. Counter service dates suck. Any place you'd go to that has counter Service and no wait staff is a horrible first date. And you know what that would be? It'd be a lie. I'd be lying to you. That's not the case. I can find you many counter service style bars and restaurants. That would be a wonderful date. Now if you want to cut me out at the knees, you can go. Well, there's a Chipotle. I think you could have a good Chipotle date. Would it be more difficult? Would it be a surprise? Maybe this is the problem with dating culture right now with the whole conversation, the discourse. The discourse is blamey. It's angry. And the angry people are winning because having some semblance of, you know, care with the subject doesn't pop off. I mean this email, I appreciate it but you have when you're talking about dating, this is. And I do think if we're going to gender the conversation, I do think women on TikTok are more, more surrounded by more support no matter what they're talking about. Yes, there's angry men on there. There's angry people that will come back at a woman for whatever her opinion is. That is not. Please don't take this some sounding extreme perspective. I'm just to be extreme because I don't believe it is. I can see it with my own TikToks that if you're coming out with a dating opinion there is a group of majority women who are in my comments and you're like, oh, you took it the wrong way. You, you're mad at dating and that's okay. I do agree that they should be a little bit more angry at dating. Dating apps are created by male nerds to make male lives easier to approach women. Something that probably wasn't meant to happen. We weren't meant to be able to speak to 100 women from the toilet without feeling embarrassment or shame because you got turned down. Approaching a woman use is. Is approaching a woman in public is a difficult task to talk about TikToks and social media. I talked about meeting someone on a plane. It's on my last patreon I, I tell the whole story about talking about hot dogs and it's a funny story because it involves failure. Dating has failure and that tick and, and dating has failure and dating apps took away a lot of the pain of the failure. So now we have a lot of men acting wildly because there's really no consequence. So I understand why a lot of women are mad. But when you come on TikTok and give this opinion of counter service places suck and no men are making any effort to take us anywhere. Good. I would disagree with you. I would say you, you have to distinguish. And I wrote this down. You have to distinguish. Am I tated? You have to distinguish. Am I telling a fun dating story that people can relate to and say, oh my God, that happened to me too. And hopefully we can do better the next time from am I miserable? Because. And all you have to do is look at the crowd of people who agree with you. Hey, counter service places suck. Yeah, you're right. And I think, yeah, you're right. I have to wait while the guy goes up and gets a drink and he waddles up to the bar and he doesn't even know how to take his wallet out of his pants. And then I see that he's wearing khakis and what a loser. And it's like we've gone off the rails. We've lost the plot. I think there's only three things you need to if you want to review your date and decide whether if. And I'm talking about first date, but I think I'm even talking about first month. Let's talk about first month. What should you expect from a first month date? Three things. I was excited to go. Was I excited to go? Hey, want to go meet me at this great restaurant that's on. I can. There's a place called Drift in. It's on the west side highway. That's a counter. Now Drift in is a good reference point. Drift In. Go Google it. On the west side highway, they have two sides to the restaurant. One side you have to make reservations. It's actually tough to get a reservation there. The other side is a walk up counter service place that's being described here as someone by someone to say it's a horrible place to take a date. I would disagree. I've brought women to drift in to the counter service side. It's on the west side highway park. It's looking at the Hudson River. It is out of a rom com. It is out of the scene in the rom com where you believe that this couple is having a great date. Okay, so you go to. If someone said, hey, meet me at drift in on the west side highway, would you be excited to go? Probably. You'd look it up. You'd see the pictures. Oh, wow, Cool. Now let's say we go to Drift in and we have. We can't find a place. We're standing. We're having this kind of bad conversation. We keep the whole time we're spending looking for A place to sit. Finally, we find a place to sit. I go to the bar. It takes me a half hour to get a drink. I come back with the drink. We have one drink. Not great conversation. We leave. That is to be judged as well. Did I get to know someone new? Well, the venue made it tough for me to get. Get to. So it goes. I was. Was I excited to go? Yes. No. Was I excited to go? Did I get to. Did I get to know someone new? And I want. Do I want to know more? Those are the three things you need from a first. First month date. Three things you need from a first month date. What were you excited to go? Did I get to know. Know someone new? And do I want to know more? Now let's go back to your counter service point. Now if I go to. We went to Drift in, which is a counter service place. It was really crowded. We didn't even get to get a drink for the first hour. Then I didn't even get to know them because they had to get going. Do I want to go again? Probably not. See how specific that is? See how that's not. Now you would go, well, the story's not that great. Was it a good story? Hey, we went to a date. We could. Yeah, that's a good story for friends. Yeah, we went to this place. It was a counter service place, which really got in the way of the date. So I didn't get to know them that well. I don't know if I want to go out again if they can't make a good plan for the next one. Now you're having a real dating conversation. A. A lesson. Viral one. I used to do comedy at this club. I remember this club. It was in New York. And I remember one summer they had their AC broke and my. The AC breaking over the summer in New York City, where it is sweltering hot, is a bad thing for your establishment because it's my belief that no one can be funnier than the room being hot. People walk away from the room, they go, oh, my God, the AC broke and it was hot as hell. How was the show? I guess it was okay. Yeah, there were a couple funny jokes, but it was really hot. Comedy can't beat hot. Now, to go back to the point of, like, counter service places, can a good date beat the badness of a counter service establishment? Of course it can. Yes. So when you go and complain, hey, all counter service places suck. It shows how men are low effort. You're miserable. You're not making a point. So and this is the case for all daters, we have to suss out, am I miserable or am I making a fun point about the difficulties of trying to meet someone new? Are you adding to the conversation or or are you just adding to the spew? Jtrain podcast gmail.com Jtrain podcast gmail.com I got two more emails. Keep sending yours and these next two thorough train feather feather. I'll get right to it. My oh let me I did read Usually I read these as I go in. Like I I don't read them before. Let me give a trigger warning of a certain kind. This does deal in domestic abuse and that topic lightly. But I'm going to give you your trigger warning. If you want to skip to the next email that's a little bit lighter, I'll totally understand. But just letting you know. It's in the first paragraph. Just letting you know. My My brother in law is the worst person I've ever met. For background, he was a longtime drug addict and during that time he physically assaulted both of his wives, stole from multiple family members including my husband, and got into a DUI accident while driving with his three year old daughter that led to one of his three prison sentences. My God, what a rap sheet. He has been sober for three years now if you don't count Xanax and methadone. Oh my God. And lived with my husband, my kids and I for two and a half of those years to help him get on his feet. During that time, my husband got him two jobs, a place to live, a car and he had food that I cooked for my family but still managed to pick fights with us, several of which almost led to the cops being called due to slamming of doors and calling my husband a in front of his wife and daughters. On many occasions my husband said he thinks his brother sucks. But since moving out last October, my brother has or my husband. My husband has soften, has softened towards him and often cuts him a lot of slack. Over the past year my brother in law has started fighting with his dad which culminated in him breaking into his house and threatening to kill him in front of his wife and kids. I mean my God, the it doesn't stop. This has led to my father in law and his wife, my husband's stepmom, to ask us not to invite him to events that they will be at and have barred him from coming to their house. This is a horrific situation. I'm laughing because it just keeps going. I gave a trigger warning. I don't even know if I covered everything. All that is to say. Okay, get, get on with the fun email. My, my oldest daughter's birthday is next month and I would like nothing more than to not invite my brother in law. The problem is my husband often feels sorry for him and doesn't like to cause conflict with him and I feel like he may invite him just to avoid, just to avoid any waves. I have asked him to not invite his brother and have withheld and have withheld event time and location for my husband so as not to have him invite his brother. Accidentally accident. I mean, there are no accidents. However, if his brother does, I mean I, when I say there's no accidents, even if he accidentally invites his brother because he gives him the information, that means he's not being careful enough with a brother. That need, that you need to be careful with. That's just a fact of life. This brother is, is. You know, I, I think sometimes with a brother who's at. Oh, he's, you know, that's Jimmy being Jimmy, you know, it's not, it's kind of treated as if this come and go thing. No, no, no, no. This person is a menace. This person is a problem. And, and it's a problem that you have to live with and acknowledge at every turn. That's the, that's the issue. So as far as accidents don't happen, like the idea of forgetting that your brother. And that's the, the, the real pain of this, forgetting that your brother has this rap sheet, has gone to prison. Just casually forgetting that that is not an accident, that means you are being careless. However, if his brother does insist on coming to the birthday party, it will fall on me to tell him he can't come. I'm sorry you're going through this. The best solution I have come up with is to either tell him he can, he can come to the first half hour of the birthday party before his dad comes. No, that's crazy. Or to allow him to come to our house separately and celebrate with my daughter apart from his dad, is there another better option you can think of? Yeah, I can think of one specifically better option. You need to speak to your husband. Your husband is his softening position to the, to the brother who is a dangerous person to everyone he's around because he's not getting, you know, it feels, your brother who feels sorry, I mean your husband who feels sorry for his brother is actually part of the problem. The brother needs to be smoked out and I think the husband needs to be smoked out in a certain sense. And I, I get it. As someone with a brother, if my brother had issues like this, it would be incredibly difficult to just stonewall someone I love and care about. And the problem with an addict, the problem with an abuser like all these people who have issues, is that the best? Sometimes. And listen, I'm not a professional. You're writing about very serious, real things that I have no expertise in. But I'm saying, you know, if you're, when you're nice to someone, you're mean to them because you're allowing for them to live this life that everyone disagrees with, but you're not making them feel it as much as they should. Maybe the brothers that you know, the hope is that this brother. And maybe you need to go talk to a professional. Maybe you definitely do. Maybe your brother or your husband, I think your husband needs to speak to a professional. Your husband needs the tools to be able to deal with a brother. It's not. Your brother goes to prison and then everyone else is just, okay, your husband needs some help. He's going through it. If you want to be empathetic to your husband, I mean, there's someone out there that could be like, the husband's a piece of. He's, you know, he cares about his brother more than he does his wife and the safety of his family. That is a very easy route to go. That, that I don't think vilifying your husband is the way to get him to work with you. I think equipping your husband with the tools necessary to deal with a brother who's an abuser, who's an addict, who's a, a, a a out of prison. I don't know what the name for it. I guess felon. I don't know. But look at. The dad is doing it and the dad, I'm sure, has a tough time with it going. No contact and, and kind of divorcing himself from the brother, your, your, your husband is the it. Your husband might be the brother in law's last rationalization. Well, I still got Gary, so he makes it so I don't have to change. Even your bro, your husband, talking to him on the phone might be the thing that like lets your brother in law not get help because your brother in law goes, well, I got my call with my brother and that makes me feel better a little bit. So I can't be that bad. My brother still talks to me. I don't know. You're talking to an idiot in a Courtyard by Marriott in Hartford, in Manchester, Connecticut. Like I'M I, I hear. I. I appreciate that you came to me with this email, but this to me, your, your husband needs the help and you are now helping. You're helping the husband avoid his own problems. You're. Because when you ask me the best solution I have just to come up with is to tell him he can come to the first half when you, when you say to me it will fall on me to tell him he can't come. Now you are helping your husband not deal with a problem, who is now helping your brother in law not deal with a problem. Not, not to like blame you. Again, I'm not going to vilify you for this, but you're part of this. This is a, this is like a, this is like. What do they call it? The, the economics. Drip down economics. Someone's going to tell me what it is that I'm drip down. Someone's yelling it at their podcast right now. I just googled to see and my Internet's moving slow because I'm in a courtyard by Mara. I was an econ major. I can't remember. Drip down, fall down economics. This is gonna, this is gonna kill me. You're like, why would I share drop down economics? Fall down economics. Trickle down. Oh, that felt like I got a knot out. Trickle down economics. You're. This is trickle down, you know. Now I'm searching for another great podcast. Jared. This is trickle down, you know, helping, you know, not helping your brother in law. This is all trickle down effect. Oh, that's a smarter way to say it. This is all trickling down. You're giving excuses to your husband and your husband's giving excuses and so on and so forth. So is there another better option? I think you gotta, I think going you and your husband have to have a talk and it's got to involve like logistics and it's got to start with your brother in law is not coming. He's not coming to the birthday party. It's not happening. How do we get there? How do you and I as a partnership, as a husband and wife work this out? Let's negotiate it. Do you need help? Do you need to talk to a therapist? Is this like hurting your life? Like I would be more worried. I think your husband, to me, he might feel like he's the last thread to your. That that keeps your brother in law out of jail. He might feel that type of pressure. I feel for him. Again, easy to vilify him. He's putting the needs of his brother ahead of his wife and family. I Get it? That would suck. I'm sure he hates feeling that way. I think you got to zone in on your husband. He's the one that needs the help that can be helped. I'm trying to avoid out now telling him he's not welcome to come because he is volatile Again. We're living in fear of this person and immature and will probably try to make me the bad guy to my husband. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's why that's the thing right now. You're not operating as a team on this. You guys got to be a team on this. And there might be and I'm sure it's causing a rift in the marriage. I think you and your husband have to have a talk about, hey, we got to rebuild this team and come at this brother in law thing together with one voice. Thanks for everything you do. Excited about your next season of the Bachelor recaps. Well, I hope that helps. I do think you're zoning in on the wrong problem. I do think speaking to a professional who deals with convicts with who deals with family trauma and issues, that is something you should be looking into. J train podcast gmail.com J train podcast@gmail.com. okay, Jared, I like this one. I've got what might be the most luxury problem ever. Perfect for mailbag Monday. My boyfriend makes so much money it makes me uncomfortable. I'm a 33 year old civil defense paralegal making $75,000 a year. My boyfriend is 32, a commercial real estate developer. We've been dating a year and moved in together end of March early on. So you moved in. We've been dating a year, moved in together, so this is like fairly new. And moving in together, we're getting into money, we're getting into real issues. Early on I googled what developers make and saw around 200,000. I thought, wow, I did pretty well. Since then, he's fully funded. Trips to Paris, skiing in the Alps, road trips, flights home. I try to pay for the little things like coffee or lunch, but he always steps in. I never knew the exact number he made until we moved in and had to talk money. After I told him my salary, he explains he makes 15% per deal and that it fluctuates. I was still thinking around $200,000 until I started doing the math. He closed several multimillion dollar deals. So I asked, did you make over a million dollars this year? And he said yes. But that's before taxes. Yeah, yeah, but before taxes it takes out, you know, that's not A lot of money. Now I'm spiraling. I've always supported myself, never came from money, and was raised to be grateful for anything I get. Since learning what he really earns, I worry, will he hold this over me? Will I change? Will my friends think I've changed? What if he loses it all? Is he spending too much? One friendship already got strained. My best friend of 15 years snapped and yelled, you'll never have to worry about bills again. While I'm stuck in a studio with my boyfriend. Oh, my God. That friend really lost it. I've talked to my boyfriend about all this, and he just says, I want to provide. You deserve to be taken care of. He means well, but I'm struggling to adjust. How do I get comfortable in a life where money isn't tight? Can I. And how do I stop seeing him through this? Through. And how do I stop seeing him through his income? I love my boyfriend for so many reasons that have nothing to do with what he earns. I just want to find my. I just want to find my footing in this new dynamic. Thanks. Rich in love, Confused in cash. Great sign off. Yeah, I love this email because money is a religion. Money is a culture. Money is a. Is a. Is an emotional thing. You know, as you have learned, your best friend of 15 years snapped and yelled, you'll never have to worry about bills again while I'm stuck in a studio with my boyfriend. I think you have to be less naive. Is the one thing that kind of helps. Like, I'm. I'm looking at that when you say, like, Because a couple of things you've said, you can't live in fairyland fair, you know, can't be. Oh, when you, when you, when you say, and I'm coming back at you, I. I don't think you're a bad person. You're writing in about this. I don't think you've done anything wrong. But you're asking the question of, like, my friendship stuff. When you say he's funded a trip to Paris, skiing in the Alps, road trips, flights, home. How much did you think all that stuff was? Did you think that was, like, 100 bucks to go to the Alps? I know you know better than that. So here's the thing. And part of what you lose is this ability to, like, cry poor. Nothing is less appealing than crying poor when everyone doesn't buy the story you're telling. So, and I do understand, it's not your money. You guys just moved in. You. You're going on these trips and you're of course you want to go. It's your boyfriend. He's happy to do it. You're happy to go. This is fun. And, and again, this is like, one part of your question, but when I see that a friend, you'll never have to. Why did they snap? I'm trying to, like, trace that back. Are you posting on Instagram and on social media? Look at this picture of us in the Alps, clinking champagne glasses. And then you go to your friend of 15 years and you're acting as if you guys are living the same life and have the same problems because that has changed and that is developing and changing along the ways. I think you have to acknowledge that that's what would make you an annoying friend to me. You know, I see these TikToks all the time of these young influencers, and they're talking about splitting time between Florida and New York, and they never acknowledge how the money is getting made when I am very in tune with the economics of social media and podcasting. So I know where the money comes from and how much is coming in based on the numbers. Ish. So you're telling me you have a place in Palm beach and New York City and you go to Via Carota. That might be. I, I, I, I don't know. I would have more questions. So when you are putting up pictures from Vail, Colorado, and then going to your friend at brunch and being like, oh, I just wish I got paid more, I could understand the friend going, shut the fuck up. I'm living in a studio with my boyfriend, worried about how eggs are going up in price, and you're clinking champagne glass in Vail a month ago. We need. So maybe you need to reset your story a little bit. But that's only part of your question. How do you look at your husband or your boyfriend? All these questions about your boyfriend are all things that you, you're living in the unknown. You know, that's what causes fear, lack of structure. So I think you do have to have a conversation with your boyfriend and let them know how this is different for you. And I do think when he's spending this money and he's happy to do it. That's very nice. That's great. I don't think you should stop living the lifestyle that you guys are living. But maybe some tough talk around. What are the numbers? And are you saving on a monthly basis and letting them know that, like, I like going to Paris, but it's hard for me to go to Paris when I Don't know what that means for the future. And am I in the holding things over you if it's not happening now and you're not feeling that now? I would trust myself to feel that if that were to happen. You don't owe him anything. He's offering because he wants to do it. These are things, though, that can all happen over time. You could find that. Well, I don't speak up because we went to Paris and I should have said something, but, you know, he gets mad that I, you know, I, I don't know. These are all like. That's like, These are all, like, horrific things. There, There are horrific paths that this can go down. I'm saying you're not getting tastes of that horrific path right now. Keep having fun with it, but be aware that, like, when you're talking to your friends, they're taking in your whole life, not your past, and your past is yours. That's great. You said you never grew up with money. And, and, you know, you've always earned for yourself. Those are all things to be, you know, commended and, and you should have confidence in. Yeah, I've always made my own money. I've, you know, I didn't, I never took from anyone. I, I, I always earned what I meant, you know, what I got. And that's all great. I'm not saying to forget that. I'm saying the story is evolving and changing, and you have to acknowledge that to just say, well, you know, I, I grew up. It is that annoying thing of, like, how many times can I hear your mighty, Mighty Ducks rags to riches tail? Like, enough already. I get it. You're in a mansion now. You did it. I guess you're better than me because, you know, it can turn that way when you hear these stories a lot. And it's like, well, okay, okay, we've heard the, the origin story. We saw that movie. Things are different now. So I do think to go back to your questions, and I don't think it's fair of your friend to snap at you. That is a friend of 15 years. So you kind of have to trust that they know you very well. And this might be kind of a new era of you and them, and maybe they're just insecure. That's possible. And they overreacted. That's probably true. And that's a friend I would go back to if I've known them for 15 years, and go, hey, I just want to, you know, apologize if I come off like I'm naive. Naivete is annoying. How Do I get comfortable in a life where money isn't tight? I don't think it's about getting comfortable as much as it's talking it out with your boyfriend who you live with. You guys share expenses, are, you know, maybe it's you and your boyfriend saving together. That's like one of those things that can help it where you guys are putting it. And, and I would also say he is not saying a lot. So if we go to the boyfriend and say he explained, he makes 15 a deal, like, you're not his accountant. You're not. You're looking to talk to him about money. And he's going around 15% of deal, and it fluctuates. And you're like, well, what does that mean? I can understand where. Because it's so vague. You're, like, haunted by this. Well, I need to know. I need to rationalize. I need to know, is this money for the trip to the Alps coming out of our future? The idea, like, you know, all. And again, all of the things you bring up are totally normal anxieties and insecurities, whether you have money or not. Like, you know, can I. How do I get comfortable in a lot, in a life where money isn't tight? Enjoy it. I think you can get comfortable, but there's always something else. There's always something bigger, more expensive. There's always new heights. You know, I, I. How do I stop seeing him through his income? You're never going to see it. Not see him through his. You're. That is one of those, I think you got to be less hard on yourself. How do I not see him through his income? You literally said, I Googled and saw what developers make and saw him around 200,000. I thought, wow, I did pretty well. I know you're joking. You're being light. But we see everyone through their income, how they treat other people, what they do for a living, how they live their life. So it's all on a pie chart of what makes us think of that person. There's a pie chart of me, There's a pie chart of you. And when I say hello to you and I go, oh, that's the brand that we've developed over the years. It sounds like this is going well. It sounds like the money thing. I think you'll be happier if you get into more specifics with them. I do think acknowledging and stopping this, you're an adult who knows what things cost. You know, it's like the wife of the drug dealer. Like, well, we used to take private jets. I had no idea where the money was coming from. It's like, you didn't know that your husband had this cocaine thing, you know, this is like, it's in the movie for the drug dealer movie every time. The rise to. To. To. To riches and those drug dealer movies. And then it's always the. The person who they're dating. That's like, I had no idea. I just thought he was really good at selling insurance. Really? The insurance money was paying for you to go on a private jet and go to Vegas while he sniffed at a mound of cocaine? Like, I'm telling you, don't sound like that person. J train, podcastmail.com back next week. Boom.