← The JTrain Podcast
The JTrain Podcast
My Boyfriend Stopped Paying His Share Of The Rent! Help! - MONDAY MAILBAG - The JTrain Podcast w Jared Freid
00:34:06
Loading summary
Transcript1 lines
- [00:00]
Jared Freed
It's a mailbag. Munder, you got problems there. I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag Monday. Hello and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming to you live from London, England. That's right, every Monday is a mail bag Monday, where you listener email me, the podcaster and comedian, your advice, questions, anything you want, relationships, friendships, lifestyle, whatever you're going through, send it here. Here's the email J train podcast@gmail.com. that's J train podcast mail.com you send your emails so that we have a show. That's how it works. If you want to send it via DM, if that's easier for you, go to @j train podcast. That is the Instagram account for this show. Send it to J Train podcast gmail.com or DM it to @j train podcast. Also want to ask you to follow that account. And I want to ask you to follow on YouTube, my personal page at Jared Freed on YouTube. I got stand up going up there every Saturday night, and they're about to get wild. There's some videos that are going to come out from Huntsville, Alabama, where I am. I. I am legitimately, legitimately maybe losing my mind on stage. And that's kind of the process of doing stand up. I just had a great show in London. If you were at that show, thank you. I'm taping from my hotel room. I got two emails. I got two emails. Here's how it works. If you're new here, I always want to be inviting of the new people because we get new people every day. And you know how we get new people? By you sharing the show. Let a friend know. Let a friend know about this great show. Let a friend know. Let a friend know. Make it your Instagram story. That's a passive way to help this show that. That 200 people look at that. Maybe they all don't. But one maybe goes, I need a show. So let this show help others the way it's helping you. Putting your brain on the shelf. I got two emails and I got one sponsor. So the sponsor will be read in between the emails. The sponsor, as usual, wherever you're listening, it's in the description of the episode so you can find out what the deal is. That's the whole hope they help you, you help them, they help me. We have a show because they exist. All that stuff. They, you know, it's the circle of podcasting. And I have shows. I just released a whole tour so if, if you live in a city, I'm probably near there. I'm probably coming close to you. So go to jaredfree.com. here we go. Am I being taken advantage of or do we just need to talk? H. You know, you probably need to talk to someone who's taking advantage of you. So you probably have to talk to them either way. So. But I go through these as, as you go through them. Jared Feather Feather Patreon subscriber here. Thank you. The Patreon get to the Friday episode. This is a daily show. So as a daily show, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and then Friday is the Patreon 5 bucks a month coffee or J Train. I just taped last. You know, it came out today. I'm taping this on Friday the 27th. You can hear about the first half of my London trip, Hartford, Connecticut. And you can also hear about me trying to talk to women in London. That's. That is there's a story at the end of it is that is pretty funny. It's just the trials and tribulations of trying to speak to women and how those dating apps I do think have ruined. I. I get into kind of my deep thoughts on dating apps on coffee with J. Patreon.com Jared Freed okay, let me clear my throat on the air as most podcast listeners love. Jared Feather Feather Patreon subscriber here, but didn't want to air my business on the comments section there. But I'd love your help, Navig, getting a reoccurring source of tension in my relationship. I'm here for you, baby. My boyfriend, 35 moved into the house I own 32. So boyfriend, 35, they're 32. Boyfriend moves into their house that they own. Okay. Nearly two years ago, before he moved in, we agreed on a monthly amount he would pay me for rent and utilities. Three months after moving in, he started a new lower paying job. And without any conversation, he just stopped paying altogether. Okay, we have our problem. And here's someone listening. Could be harsh on you. I'm not gonna be harsh on you. They could go, well, talk to him now he's screwing you. He's screwing you. This is like one of those, my dad always said it and it was a pretty, this is a pretty miserable piece of advice that my dad would give. But he is right. He's like, it's not the family, it's the spouses of the people in the family that get in the person's ear and tell them how much they're being fucked. So the Family figures it out. The family goes, yeah, my brother's this way towards me. My mom's this way towards me. Here's how I navigate it. I'll go slowly. I'll tiptoe there. I'll go, I'll go in like a bull there. And then if you're married, if you have a relationship, they go, you're getting by. Everyone in your family, you got to tell them how, how much they're screwing you over. And so there's a listener that might hear. My boyfriend moved in the house that I owned nearly two years ago. Before he moved in, we agreed on a monthly amount he would pay me for rent and utilities. Three months after moving in, he started a new lower paying job. And without any conversation, you just stopped paying altogether. Someone could look at you and go, you're getting, you know you're getting. But that's not the answer to your question. This is tough because that was two years ago. The, the shirt buttons up. It's really hard when you miss a button on the way up because you got to go back down the shirt and then rebutton it again. So two years later, I can understand why you're writing to me. Three months after moving in, he started new lower paying job without any conversation, you just stop paying altogether. I didn't say anything for three months. I, I, I empathize with you. But when I finally brought it up, he told me he could no longer afford the amount. Well, I mean, it is interesting that, like, yeah, the adult would have said, and, and he had an ego. And instead of facing his ego and getting it punctured a little bit and hey, I've lo, I'm losing, hey, I'm making less money instead of, hey, listen, person that I care about and love and my roommate that I'm paying and my landlord, things have changed at work and I need to have a hard conversation with you. He avoided it. And then when he's forced to talk about it and you say something, okay, well, I can't pay that much. That, that to me is unattractive of a friend, of a partner, of a family member. So I'll start there. So we agreed on a reduced contribution. Half the original agreement. Okay, for context, I've always made significantly more than him, so I never expected us to split things 50, 50. I've been okay with paying more, especially while he was getting back on his feet financially, but I did expect him to contribute something consistently, whether financially or through helping out around the house. That's tough. Let me just say what you just wrote is a problem waiting to happen. I expect him to contribute something consistently, whether financially or through helping out around the house. Financially, easy. That's a number. Helping around. Helping out around the house. That could be him, you know, picking up some crumbs off the floor and then going, I'm going to go watch the game. That's more vague. That's emotional. I would want things to be put into mathematical terms so that the emotions don't get out of control. Expectation, reality. You want expectations to meet reality. Let's make attainable goals. So this is feedback for you. But I'm not even through the email. But the cycle repeated. Months would go by with no payment. When I brought it up again, he said he had, quote, unquote, forgotten. No one forgets about payment. At that point, I suggested that if he couldn't contribute financially, maybe he can contribute in other ways. Cleaning. I don't like that one because that's too vague. Yard work. I. It's not cleaning. Clean the house twice a week. You know, clean the toilets and the bathrooms twice a week. That's a number. That's mathematical. You know, yard work, I want. Cut the grass, mow the lawn every other week. That's. That's not. Yard work is different than mow the lawn every other week and we'll be even. So we have a problem. We have a boyfriend who's taking advantage of his girlfriend and how nice she is by letting him stay in the home for free. And we have a girlfriend who's not setting attainable goals and payment structures to show so that he can win or lose. And that's a problem. And I'm being. I'm coming back at you because I'm the one, you're the one I get to talk to. Yard work, walking our dog, that's a little bit more mathematical. It's gotta be walked every day, et cetera. He agreed. But again, nothing changed. Okay. By the end of 2024, I was still doing all the household work. Cleaning, laundry, groceries, dog care, cooking. I even pay for his Spotify gym membership and our TV streaming services. Okay, we're getting to the point where I don't know what you're asking. You're being taken advantage of. We do split groceries weekly. That's not enough. But I had just paid for both of us to attend two destination weddings. He's slowly paying me back for his portion of the travel costs for two destination weddings, both of which were for his friends and initially covered by me. See, here's the thing. Here's why he's taking advantage of you. And I'm, I'm saying this as a, as a friend slash podcast, as a podcast friend, as a host, you can't say I'll get you back for the destination wedding. You can't be a, you can't have the ability to acknowledge the cost of a destination wedding and then paying you back little by little while also being naive to living costs and expenses. So it's either you have no idea that things cost money or you can't have a little idea that things cost money because that's what he's exhibiting when he and, oh, it's my friends. You know, he should feel as uncomfortable living in your home and not paying as he does making you pay for his friend's wedding that he gets to go and what? Hey, everybody, high five. No, you don't get it all, hey, I can't go to the wedding because I can't afford it is different than paying you back quietly and then going to party with all his friends. And listen, I don't know how he partied. I don't know if he was like a big of the walk there. I'm just saying just by going is an insult, is a lie, not an insight. It's more of a lie to the. And he's getting to live a different way than he, he's living off of your dime. I suggested. Okay, so both of which were his friends and initially covered by me. And I hit a breaking point. Okay, okay. Finally, I suggested a new arrangement. If he couldn't pay rent, could he at least cover the cost of electricity and water bills? About a hundred dollars a month. He agreed. And that's the setup we've had since. I mean, he's whittled you down, he's negotiated you down to 100 bucks a month to live in your apartment. That's not electricity and water bills. That is his. All in payment is a hundred bucks a month. You better be coming, you better be climaxing every five minutes. You haven't written this, but I'm just saying, if you're gonna own the house and pay for the, and do the housework and do the, the laundry and get the groceries and, and, and pay the mortgage and this guy's getting 100 bucks a month. You better be coming. Not to me, not to be crude. It's not what you're asking. I, I, he better be. You better be satisfied, woman. He agreed. And that's the setup we've had since in March 2025, he got a new job with slightly better pay the same month I was laid off. The tables have turned. Thankfully, I had some freelance work lined up and had saved in advance. I'm making just enough to cover the basics, mortgage, bills and food, which you're paying fully. So here's my question. Is it fair to expect him to contribute more financially now that I'm unemployed? Yes. Yes. That is a partnership. You guys are an entity, not me. It's we. If you're going to be a real couple, it is we. I've. Listen, I've made mistakes with my relationships where I continued to be a me instead of a we. And then when it came to financial stuff, when the shit hit the fan, it was all on me. And that's the situation I've created. I think you've created a situation where it's a me and not a we. And that's the one he's living in, even if he doesn't have a ton of disposable income. No, no, no, no. That's the thing. You are living in he world and it's we, we. And. And if you're going to be a real couple, that's the thing. That's the choice to make. It's not because you say your question, is it fair to him to contribute more financially now that I'm unemployed? Yes. Even if he doesn't have a ton of disposable income. We. It's. This is the change that has to happen in a couple. And I'm saying this as a single person. I'm saying this having made this mistake. It's. It's in your talking. I can see the answer is in your email. When you write, is it fair to expect him to. When you write, is it fair to expect him to contribute more financially now that I'm unemployed, even if he doesn't have a ton of disposable income. When you write it that way, with, is it fair of him when he doesn't have a lot of disposable income? It's telling me everything I need to know about this relationship. You are not a we and you're not an adult. Real relationship with a future, that can change. But right now, you are two people sleeping in the same bed. You're not a couple living in a home. Because this perspective would be different. The perspective that I would hear if you guys were an actual adult couple. And I'm saying this as someone who's been in many childlike couples. Okay. Is you would have written this. Is it. You would have written this. How do I speak to my partner about contributing more now that I've lost my job and I know we don't have a lot of disposable income? That would be the difference. Or have I let the dynamic fester too long? It's never too long. It's never too late. That's my other. There's two sides of this. Is it on me to finally have the hard conversation? It is. And it sucks that you keep having to be the person, the bad guy. It's a reason to end it. It's also a reason to change the whole dynamic. So I can't tell you to end it. I can't. I can tell you a conversation has to be had. As I said in the beginning. Am I being taken advantage of? Or is this all something that can be solved with a clear agreement and better communication? Thanks so much for your insight. It you're being taken advantage of now, is there one more conversation that could be had that could be more clear? Yes. Do you have to have that? Would, would it be considered not trying? If you were like, hey, I've for years been paying for you. I lose my job. You haven't even come to me to like talk about the finances here. And you end it, that's okay too. I would say to you, the conversation is here again. It's easy to me because I'm not in it. It's easy for anyone listening because it's not our money, it's not our love, it's not our heart, it's not our relationship. Here's the easy part. Here's what you write down. And I'm saying this, this is my, my economics degree. I hate when people do that. My degree. You went to college and drank your face off. But I would say if I was to get mathematical, I would write down all the expenses per month on a piece of paper and I'd sit with him and I would say, I would ask him open ended questions. How do we do this? Are we a we? How do we go forward? Here's the amount, here's our nut a month. Mortgage. You wrote it right here. Mortgage, bills, food. That's our nut. Every month we spend, let's call it 5,000amonth. Someone just goes, 5,000, don't get judgy. I'm giving a number. And you got to sit with them and go, what can we do here? Because right Now I'm at $0 disposable income. And then maybe it's having joint accounts, like one joint account to Save together. But you're not even having the we conversation. So I do think if that's, you know. And I go through the history. Hey, here's the history of us. You moved in. And I would. I. If I'm you. The only way this goes forward, if you tell him what you told me. You moved in, you stopped paying. Cause you haven't forgotten it. You're not gonna be able to let it go unless you get him to talk about that and say you just didn't mention that you're not gonna pay anymore. And then I had to go to you. Do you see why this would feel bad to me? That's the conversation. Easier said than done. But the conversation is, do you see what I'm doing on a monthly basis? Okay, let's go from the beginning. You move in three months in, you just stop paying. Then I try to tell, you know, then we, you know, you lose your job. We. I ask you to do some housework, yard work. You don't do that, then you start paying $100 a month. Who on earth do you know that's living for $100 a month? And who on earth would feel comfortable with their partner losing their job and not changing how the financial dynamic would go once they've lost their job and they're only spending a hundred dollars a month? So you have to have this conversation. You are being taken advantage of because no one can tell you how to feel. You've already written it to me, so, yeah, I feel taken advantage of. That's okay to say. And here's our number per month. Can we come to an agreement and do it? Numbers. None of this. You do. You do the walks and I. You do the dishes, and I do the sinks. Or you do the dishes and I cook and you do the dishes. No, no, no. No hard numbers. You spend this a month, I spend this a month. What are we doing to get to our goals? These are not sexy conversations, but you have to have them. We're sponsored. Speaking of money, you can get some free money, people. I'm gonna give you some free money. We've all been there. You're hungry, but the only thing in the fridge is a half a pack of soy sauce. Half a packet of soy sauce. Factors here to turn things around. Factors. Chef created Dietitian approved meals are already in just two minutes, making eating well a breeze. They have 45 weekly menu options. So now, no matter what you're in the mood for or what your lifestyle looks like, they have something for you. I have eaten Factor. It's very good. Here's the thing about trying to stay healthy. It's about portion control and it's about creativity. When you are shopping for one or two, you tend to buy too much. You tend to throw away a lot of extra food because you don't make it with factor they're going to portion it, right? They're going to have pre made meals. And when you try to be healthy, you only got a few moves. You got grilled chicken, you got salad, maybe you'll do a salmon. But then you go back to grilled chicken again, then you go to salmon, then you get tired of it and then you go off. Your Plan Factor has 45 weekly menu options. So it's going to be great. It is delicious. I've had it. It's really good. Choose from options like calorie, smart, protein plus keto and more to lock in on your goals. Get started@Factor Meals.com jtrain50off use code j train50off to get 50 off plus free shipping on your first box. That's code jtrain50off@Factor Meals.com jTrain50OFF for 50 off plus free shipping Factor Meals.com jtrain50OFF as I take a sip of water, we got another emails. Keep sending yours in Jtrain podcast gmail.com Jtrain podcast at@gmail.com Jared Been Been a big, big fan of you in the show. Thank you. I've been a bachelor listener for years and now I listen to the J Train almost every day. Thank you. You're on a short list of my favorite straight men. I'll take it. Thanks for reading. Anyways. Happy pride. Happy pride to you. Uh, I have a very gay mailbag Monday question for you about the ethics of nudes. I'm not sure whe whether I'm supposed to be seeing help. Okay. Recently I was scrolling through Instagram stories and realized that I am still slash again. So they wrote this kind of weird still question mark again question mark in parentheses on the quote unquote close friends list of an ex girlfriend. And not just any ex girlfriend. She is an only fans model and one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life. We dated and broke up five years ago and honestly, it was a pretty ugly breakup. Well, I'm sorry we're not on speaking terms. I was pretty sure we unfollowed each other from socials, but I can't remember. I used to drink a lot. Well, okay, I'll take you at your word, but these are things People say when they kind of know, but they don't want to say. But I'll take you at your word. After we broke up, she moved across the country and we haven't spoken or seen each other since. Not even once. Now back to the nudes. They write. The first time it happened, I was bored at work and tapping through Instagram stories when I accidentally opened one of hers. What do you. This I don't understand. This is written weird. Accidentally open one of hers, you open one of her Instagram stories. And that's what happens when you're going through stories. You've gotta. You go to the next one. So I don't know about an accident. Here's the thing. You saw her stories. You saw you were in the close friends, you didn't mute so that this accident wouldn't happen. So this is a little on you. This isn't like, oh, oh my God, oh, how'd I end up here? You ended up there because the first time didn't make you mute them to make it so you wouldn't see them. So. And you didn't unfollow, which is fine. I don't think that you have to unfollow, but because there was an ugly breakup, like they could unfollow you. I don't, I don't know if they, if they've. Well, if you're in the close friends, that means they haven't unfollowed you as well. So again, there's a two way street here that you don't have to be unfollowed from one another, but also you don't have to keep accidentally ending on the. Ending up on their stories. Suddenly there she was on my phone. I don't know how much detail you can give on a mailbag Monday, but there was a matching bra and panty set involved. Okay, so it was a personal friends only photo, but if they have an only fans, let me just say there might be a strategy to what's going on. Maybe they do the close friends thing. I've never used close friends on Instagram stories, but. So I don't really know how it works. But I will say if there's a possibility to make everyone feel like they're in the close friends group, that does engage people, make people feel special, make people want to sign up for your only fans, if that's what they have. There is a game to be played here. So you being in the, the friends, you know, the close friends category, you might just be in the gen pop of everyone. She's trying to sell to. So I'm just leaving that option over open. And this sounds dumb to type out. Okay, here we go. But there was a matching bra and panty set involved. And this sounds dumb to type out, but. Fluttering her eyelashes. Well, I think you're. You're the mark to me. Like, you sound like the guy who falls in love with the stripper. And like, when you say. And again, I do agree, these Instagram stories, the social media things at our fingertips, we don't really know what they're doing to our brain. I do know that we think we are seen and thought of more than we are actually thought of. Which is something you're writing out right now. Fluttering her eyelashes is putting an emotion behind a picture she put out to close friends that she also uses to promote her only fans. And. And you're like, oh, and she's fluttering her eyelashes at me because you guys have a history. So I think you're. To me, you're being a little delusional here. Get the picture they write. I get it, but I think I'm getting it in a different way than maybe you wanted me to. So I'm standing there at work in total shock. How did this happen? Was I supposed to see this? Have I violated X code completely on accident? But since then, I've gotten to see several more stories with several more nudes, pole dances and the like. And we still haven't said anything to each other. I think you are assuming. And this isn't. I don't think you're all wrong, but I think some people are really good at social media and making people feel like they're only speaking to them. And I think you're kind of falling for it. If I to me, the here are the options. You're falling for their big plan of trying to attract more business. And you're just a prospective customer that they happen to have a history with. Two, they are actually doing the close friends thing to specifically target you and send you specifically a message. I think there's less of a chance with that considering they're an only fans creator who makes money and a living from getting more business. So again, that is a possibility. But I'm giving you the ranking. I guess those are the two choices. There's probably other choices, but again, they all think less of you. You're not these. You're. You're the star of this movie. And I get it. We're all the star of our own movie. But when you write it out this way, I'm Just giving you some other options. Since then, I've gotten to see several more stories with several more nudes, pole dances and the like. We still haven't said anything to each other. My question is, am I supposed to do anything in this scenario? Well, like, am I being a creep or can I keep looking? It sounds like you want to keep looking. Or on the other hand, is this some kind of sick flirt that I should respond to? What's her goal here? You're saying what exactly the options I just said, you know, what are you supposed to do? You're assuming this person is thinking of you. And you know, listen, we all do this. We all look at who looked at our stories. You see one name pop up a lot. You put more behind it than they might be there. Sometimes you hope there's more behind it and you get hopeful and you get. And you act on it and you send a message and you go. And then they go, well, I was looking at your story. You know, there's a reason people show up first. It's because they're interacting with your account. So if their name is showing up in your stories viewing you, you're probably showing up in their stories and you're assuming they're seeing you is. And that's kind of, to me, the fraud, the, the fraught part of it because you're assuming that when they see your name looking at their stories, they are happy, turned on, saying to themselves, good, they saw it, it was meant for them. When I'm just telling you a possibility here is that you are one of many. They are a business person who's just trying to get more business to their account. They've made a close friends story, but that's for everyone. So it feels like. So they're actually. You're responding exactly how they want you to. So again, there's a, there's a love conquers all she's thinking of me version. And then there's a this is a cold, hard business person who has an only fans account that wants to conquer the world. I tend to think because you guys ended badly and it's over and you haven't spoken in a while, that it's more the money. But who knows? Am I being a. Okay, so I'll go back to the question, am I supposed to do anything in this scenario? Like, am I being a creeper? Can I keep looking? Or on the other hand, is this some kind of sick flirt that I should respond to? What's her goal here? Her goal is either get you to respond or make as much money as possible. And if you assume that they wanted you to respond and you act on that, you could look like a big fucking idiot to me. The and then it says the idea of giving a no contact x unmitigated access to your Instagram nudes is a puzzling move to me, but surely she has seen that I have access to it by now. See, you are living in a world where they're thinking of you as much as you think of them. And I'm telling you that might not be the case. So now can I, can we, can I assume it's safe to continue graciously accepting these twisted gifts. Thanks for your help. Sincerely, peeping or non peeping. Here's my assessment of your email and I want you to take this as caring as I can give it. You have become a little bit intoxicated by this. That is my opinion. When you say it was a pretty ugly breakup and you haven't spoken, I think the healthy thing for you to do this ended, this relationship ended. It ended badly. For whatever reason, it ended. And I don't know the reasons, I don't know what happened. But my opinion on this is you are I to My opinion on this is you're taking the bait. And the bait might not even be left. You don't even know why the bait is being left. And to me, this ended and you should move on from it because going back to it won't be healthy. And I know what I'm saying is right. Even without knowing the relationship, when something ends badly, it ended for a good reason. You guys weren't meant to be. And when it ends badly again, and I'm saying it in the safest way, I'm hoping there was no abuse, hoping there was no, you know, real, you know, real I, I, I'm just hoping there's, I, I, there might be more here. I don't know. This is not, I'm getting one side of the story, but I'm saying when something ends badly and you guys don't go on speaking terms, that means you're not the right mix. And there's a lot of emotion there. And I think by staying following them, you're not really fixing it. You're just getting away from it, letting it breathe. And now you're seeing this through rose colored glasses. Oh, she's thinking of me. Oh, she's posting these with me in mind. She's putting in the to me, you need a break from this person and you don't really have a break. When you're following them on social media, you're getting a fake break. You're still looking at the pictures. You're still wondering what they're thinking of you, while they're posting pictures for more people than just you. So this is my intervention with you. You, you gotta unfollow. I mean, you gotta. I, I, I don't think the way you're writing is delusional. You're writing about their Instagram stories as if they're being sent specifically to you. They are not. They're being put up for everybody. You are everybody, which means you are nobody to them. I'm sorry. The best thing you can do, the best course of action, is to unfollow them so that your brain can be released from these thoughts, from these questions, from this. You're hooked. You're addicted. They're a drug. You got to admit to it. Get off the drug. Get off the sauce. Which is her hot insta stories that you're probably waiting on, you sick fuck. No, I'm, I'm saying I think that's the best course of action. J train podcast, gmail.com, keep sending your emails back next week. Boom.