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It's a mailbag. Munder, you got problems there? I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag Monday. Hello, and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is Jay Train Jared Freed coming to you live from Delray Beach, Florida. That's right, every Monday is a mail bag Monday, where me, the comedian, answer your listener emails. Me, the comedian, answer your listener emails. That sounded weird the way I said it. I do this podcast every week, and then I'm sitting here going, did I say that right? Am I? Well, maybe that's a good thing. Every time feels like the first time. I'm excited to do it. I want to. And this is a. You know, some would call it bespoke. This is a podcast. I don't even know what bespoke means, but it feels like it means something. This feels like because I'm making it to order. Let me look up bespoke while I gotcha. Don't you like when someone says that? Let me look that up while I got you. While I got you right here. And then they hold your arm, they hold your shirt, they go, let me. Let me do something while I gotcha. Made for a particular customer or user? Well, I would say that this podcast is made for you. For you. Every week we take your emails, and if you want your email answered, send it in jtrain podcast gmail.com. that's jtrain podcast, gmail.com. you can also see me on the road. Salt Lake City. Oh, that just happened. We're done with Salt Lake City. Thank you to everyone who came. I. I hope you had a great time. I know you had a great time because Salt Lake City is a great comedy town, and I think it's going to be a fun weekend. I'm excited. But Tempe, Tempe, you haven't missed out. St. Louis, I'm coming. Norwalk, Norwalk, Connecticut, Vegas, Louisiana. Jacksonville, Austin, the Hamptons, and Portland, Maine. I'm adding more dates. There's also going to be a book tour. I have the book Walking Red Flag. You can buy the book if you are a fan of the advice part of this show. If you're tuning in on Mondays because you're like, I don't like any of the other. Ah, he does other stuff. He does TikTok Tuesday. He does Chitchat Wednesday. Ah, he's got a patreon. But I like his advice. If you like the advice, you're going to love, love the book. I just got our first review and here's the thing that helps the book. Pre order pre order the link is in this bio of this episode. Wherever you're watching or listening or wherever you do this show, I'm gonna read you the review. Maybe you might be sitting there going, oh, please don't. Come on, we want the advice. You, it's a quick review. I'm going to read you the review. And it's in Publishers Weekly, which listen, I learn every day. And if you want to hear the inside story of the book, we're going to discuss that on Patreon patreon.com Jared Freed here's the email I got excited to share that we have. We have our first official review for Walking Red Flag. It's from Publishers Weekly, a trade magazine known as the bible of the book business. Its readers are primarily booksellers, librarians, publishers and book focused media. It's been around forever and is widely respected. So a respected publication has reviewed the book. I'll read it. It's not that. It's not long. Don't worry. Jared Freed, Simon element it's 29 and it gives like a number. I guess that's part of the a lot of this is insider biz stuff, so you're getting an insider's look. Comedian Freed debuts with a chatty guide to modern dating. I like that. I'm, I'm gonna give you my review of the review. Chatty? Yeah, It's a conversational book. Writing from the perspective of a quote, pretty regular guy. I would say that's correct. That is my perspective. I have said it many times. I am the center part of the bell curve. I am 10% away from every guy you've ever dated and every thought they've ever had. He contends that much of modern heterosexual dating angst stems from over interpretation. Yeah, I would agree with that. Most men are not orchestrating elaborate emotional strategies, but operating from ego and comfort. Yes, absolutely. Elsewhere, he outlines the benefits and drawbacks of meeting potential partners via family friends, dating apps and bars, how to parse dating app profiles, and how to navigate texting in the early stages of a relationship. Yes, all that happens in the book. Readers should evaluate potential partners by their actions instead of their app profiles. He argues he may be holding and this is a quote from the book, he may be holding a cute baby or dog or at the top of a sick mountain. And you think family guy who's also adventurous and therefore probably the love of my life. But that's not him. He's the guy talking to you and putting two spaces after A period and using the letter U to mean you late. So that's the quote from the book. Later sections break down, discussing relationship exclusivity, introducing partners to friends, family and friends and family and breakups. While broad claims about most guys lack nuance. Let me respond to that. I, I like a review that makes a claim and I that claim. Yeah, I would agree with. You know why? Because most guys act a lot alike and most guys have no nuance when it comes to dating. So yeah, I would say I would agree that it lacks nuance because there's not much. And, and here's the thing, the reviewer, if I was to speak to them, I think a lot of people would hope that men would have more nuance when it comes to dating. And yes, there's more nuance when it comes to your family and friends. The, the interworkings of your family. But that's not. No author of a book is going to be able to, you know, be able to break down the family dynamics of every person that's reading. That's not going to happen. But when I make a claim about most guys, it is because most guys are acting the exact same way that I'm acting. Because if I feel something, generally I'm not feeling something a hundred percent away from the person you are dealing with. That is the premise of this podcast and of this book. Well, and I don't mean to come back, so, you know, in a screaming way, I, I appreciate the review. While broad claims about quote, most guys lack nuance, Freed brings welcome levity to his generally sound advice on knowing what one wants from a partner and communicating directly to get it. It's a friendly and refreshingly blunt resource for exhausted daters. What a review. I love it. I, I'm, I'm, I'm ex. I'm ecstatic. So that is the first review of Walking Red Flag. I want you to pre order because you know what that does for me that could make me a New York Times bestseller. And wouldn't that be fucking hilarious? J that's like becoming a doctor New York Times bestseller. Let's go Jared Free. That's how I would be introduced. I would say, listen, no, no, no. When you, when you mail me N Y T B S Jared Freed, that's what you put in front of the name. That's what we're going for. You're probably listening to this being like, I don't want to make him a bigger than he already is. Make me a piece of. Come on. Pre order. Get it for a friend get it for your single friend. Get it for your married friend. All right, let's get to the emails. J train podcast, gmail.com. jared Love the pod. It's been my comfort listen lately. Oh, I appreciate that. I'm 21. Holy. I don't know how you found this show, but thank you. I hope I'm a positive impact on your life as a 21 year old. And be safe. You're drinking for the first time. Maybe you got. You're all, you know, you're out in the world, you're fresh eyed. Fresh eyed. Is that even the right way to say it? Okay. I'm 21, grew up online. I can't believe I'm speaking to a 21 year old. I would never. Get away from me. Okay, I'm 21, grew up on Long island, and now I'm at the University of Oklahoma in Norman, Oklahoma. Wow. What a different world you're in. I've been to Oklahoma. I've. Oklahoma. I. I've been. Not to Norman. Never been to Norman. I'm sure it's a wonderful, fun place. I was dating this guy, 21, for about three months. I really thought it was going somewhere. We had such an easy connection. Same sense of humor, same classes. We just clicked. The only real difference was religion. I'm pretty agnostic, and he's very involved in an evangelical Protestant church. It didn't feel like a big deal at first, but recently he told me he doesn't see a future with someone who, who doesn't share his beliefs. So he ended things. Here's the part that's throwing me. During the breakup, he gave me a small Virgin Mary statue, like, as a parting gift, a gesture. He said, I feel like you could use this. Hey. I mean, you know, it's. It's a story like this. I'm sorry about your breakup. I. I laugh a little because this is very much 21 and a little bit more dramatic than maybe a breakup needs to be. Everything feel like, feels like it matters more. I'm sure there's people listening who are around my age, 40, who are saying, this is very cute, but there's a line that you already wrote, and she wrote some questions, but I'm. Before I get there, I was dating a guy, 21, for about three months, and I really thought this was going somewhere. And I think people my age would say, where did you think it was going now? And what timeline was it on? And where did that, you know, are you thinking, you know, when you say this is going somewhere, did you think I was going to date him after graduation? Like did you think, and this is a possibility. And again, I know you're in Oklahoma where this happens more often than it does in Long island, but did was the thought that does going somewhere mean we are going to be moving to a town together in the next phase of life, getting engaged, getting married, having kids and ready to like be in the suburbs at 25? It might have meant that, but that's where my brain goes when you say going somewhere. And you know, so I, I, I only bring that up because you're, you're asking about or we haven't gotten your questions yet. But I, you said, is this a parting gift, a gesture? He said, I feel like you could use this. Like in the same way that you're 21 and still in college and being like this could have gone somewhere. I don't know what that means. I, I, I, it could mean that you thought, you know, this could be someone I would keep a relationship going. It could have been just that. When he says, I feel like you could use this, does he feel like, you know, maybe hell is in your future if you don't write your ways of being when he's dating you? You know, like I, and again, someone who's more affected emotionally by someone who's religious and there are those people would get very offended, I think, I feel like you could use this. They would take it personally, like as if he thinks he's better than you. I think it's just a 21 year old guy being, you know, a little bit dramatic in the way all 21 year olds are and going, hey, you know, keep this as a beacon. I don't think it means he thinks he's better than you, but okay, so my questions are, how do I get over something that was short but felt real? Well, I think my advice to you, and I think we're a lot of cynicism in dating from someone who gets ended with after a few months. It was real. And you say it felt real but it was short. You're already saying short but felt real. It was real. I think a lot of people, and I noticed this from women, they get embarrassed that something ended really quick and they go, well, I was in a thing. But they never call it a relationship. I think that's a mistake. This was a relationship. This was your boyfriend. You said you were dating a guy and then you had, if you had a breakup, it was a relationship. Even if you don't have a breakup, it's a relationship. I think this, like, minimizing of our experiences is really not a good thing. And people do that. And then they go on saying, I've never had a boyfriend. And then they start believing the tale that they, that they're telling other people. And it's like, then it becomes this, I could never be loved. And I'm trying to get over this mountain that's so high. And it's like, don't do that to yourself. You had a boyfriend for three months. It felt real because it was real. You liked him. Let's take away from it. Let's. How do I get over something? I can't tell you how to feel. I can say that you're better for having the experience with this guy. You got to see in a relationship what you like, what you don't like, what made you feel good, what made you feel bad. You take those feelings and kind of suck on them for a second. Own them. That's a great thing. Experience is good. That's what you have to judge what you do in the future. Past, past performance does not indicate future results. That's what they say when you buy a stock, when you buy and make an investment. They say past performance does not indicate future results. But that's what you use to make decisions on whether to invest in something. So in the same, that is the same thing for relationships. You're 21. You just got an early viewing of what your taste is. That is a beautiful, wonderful thing. Take pride in that. Most importantly, they say, what is the proper etiquette for a post breakup Virgin Mary statue? Well, the Virgin Mary statue has to go on the front of your Jeep Wrangler for the rest of your life or else you go to hell. That's. That's the, that's what you got to do. It says it in the Bible. I can't throw it out. Seems too harsh. What do I do with this thing? Confused and clutching Mary. I love this listener. I'm so happy. I just. When I, When I read an email from someone who's 21 that sounds. That is so thoughtful and funny and you know, they're being, they're going through something. It sucks. Breakups suck. No matter what age, you don't want to go through a breakup. No one wants to be told that they need to leave you and never speak to again. And here's your Virgin Mary statue on the way out. Hopefully this helps you find God. Like, no. But I'm going to say to you that what happened is wonderful. You had a great time with someone and got to know them. It wasn't the future for you but it did help you to get to where you're going in the future. All these experience and, and you know what, you know the. There's a 40 year old person out there who's like I wish I'd have a three month relationship and know that I could feel good about something. There's people out there that would wish for your scenario and it doesn't feel like that now. And I know that's probably annoying to hear but I'm saying now the Virgin Mary, I would put it away. It's a keepsake. You're not going to throw it away but. And it might hurt to look at now because it reminds you of this person and the exp. And getting broken up with. I'd say put it away in some deep dark place. It's going to be something you and your friends will laugh about later or put a smile on your, on your face later. It will remind you of young love, of young relationships. It might be a reminder when you're in a new relationship and it's not the right one what it felt like to be young and in love. If I'm going to be sweet for you right now, if, if, if, if I'm gonna be sweet Jared, this is sweet Jared telling you that I, I, your, your problem brings a smile to my face. You know you hope I don't know how I would feel if I was a father. You know I don't know how I would feel. I, I hope I would feel the same way that I would be able to remove my emotions from my blood. My, my, my daughter enough to go good because I do feel that for you now. Jtrain podcast gmail.com J train podcast or you can send me the Virgin Mary statue and I'll put it as a, as a keepsake. We'll put it on the U up if you listen to you up too. I'll put it on the shelf behind me. So send me the Virgin Mary. Send it to Betches. You can Google map batches and the address will come. I don't know if I'm. Yeah it's an office that gets sent stuff so you can send it to that, that because I, that that I would put up behind me on this. In the studio we have one sponsor, Hero bread. Hero bread makes bread better. 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That's our one sponsor today. Support them if they can support you. We got two more emails. Jared, big fan, always recommending your pod. Thank you. I've been dating my boyfriend, 27 for about three years. There's been this ongoing tension with his cousin, 29, and the cousin's now wife, 28. They're extremely close, basically like brothers. So this isn't something we can just avoid long term. Early on, we all hang out on occasion. But pretty quickly something felt off. His cousin's wife became really distant towards me, barely engaging, avoiding eye contact, giving one word answers. Over time, both of them just stopped interacting with me all together. The last time we were all together, about a year or two ago, they didn't speak to me the entire weekend. That's weird. Recently, my boyfriend finally got an explanation out of them. Oh, thank God. I was gonna be sitting here staying, staying awake tonight on this one. Apparently, early on, at a group dinner, I made a dumb joke along the lines of, wow, you've been together forever. Are you guys ever going to actually get married or what? Hey, I mean, are they. Oh, it's. They're well and his cousin's now wife, so they're married. It happened. It worked out. I meant it as light teasing, but they took it as rude and disrespectful and I guess they started to dissect everything I said from then. Yeah, brutal. I don't think, you know, what you said isn't that bad. I mean to them it's bad because the guys like sitting there. Well, honestly, they probably had arguments about it. Between them. And the one thing boyfriends hear from girlfriends is, I feel so embarrassed about things that a lot of boyfriends don't feel embarrassed about. This happens in breakups. Anytime I've ended things with a woman, oh my God, this is so embarrassing. And I'm always like, well, this is our relationship. Who would even care? And then what you're doing is you're shining a light on the argument they had earlier about how they're not engaged. And her premise for the argument probably a lot of times is, it's so embarrassing. We've been together so long. And he's probably saying no one notices us, no one cares about how long we've been together. And then you come in, you're like, boy, how long have you two been together? Well, like a, like a decade already. You ever going to get married or you just going to keep living in sin? And now you've pissed off the cousin because he's like, God damn it, this woman just made my arguments harder. And now you've even off the cousin's now wife cuz she's like, everyone's noticing, even if it is just you giving them a little ribbing. So what you did, where it came from, was not a place to make anyone feel bad. But you really touched on a nerve, as they say. You poked. You literally put your hand in the scar and been like, is this hurt? Does it? And they're like, yeah, get the fuck out of here. Why are you touching my scar? Oh, you guys aren't married yet. Does that hurt when I mentioned that? Yeah. And then they said, fuck her, we're not talking to her forever. And then they looked into everything you did. They basically did a character study over the last three years of you. And they found every reason to not like you. I honestly, I honestly don't even remember saying it. But they've held onto it ever since. Listen, I get why they got mad, but I get why you said it. And we're just joking and having fun and wouldn't even remember it. I've offered to apologize and clear the air, but they don't seem interested in having a conversation. Meanwhile, I get along great with the rest of his family and my boyfriend and I are getting more serious, so this feels like a bigger issue. What do you do when people have already made up their mind about you and won't give you a chance to fix it? Caught in the crossfire? Yeah. The problem you have is it's not just this anymore. They've done the character study on you as you said they've, you know, they. They took it as rude and disrespectful. And I guess they started to dissect everything I said from then. So now they've got a whole case where you. Who started with, when are you guys going to get married? It's been like forever now. It's, look how she eats. Look how she says thank you. Look how she says, you're welcome. It's passive aggressive. They have gone down the river of this chick sucks, and they believe they have good reason. I think I have had things like this happen in my life where I have made a comment or told a story or made an end, and then I've gone to the person and apologized. Whether I thought I was right or wrong, I've done it when I've thought of as right. And I can't understand why anyone would have a problem. But I've gone to them and said, hey, I just want to, like, clear the air. And I would. And what I've written is. And I have. I'm thinking of one person in mind that, you know, it's made their response to my apology to me. If someone apologizes to me like that, that takes a lot of effort and work, and it must mean they care. They care for themselves to make their lives a little bit more comfortable. But they also care because they want to salvage a friendship and they see that, you know, it has given them value. So I have to give some care to that and have keep that in mind. So when I apologize to someone and they stay distant from me, I'm like, well, how much of a friend did they ever want to be with me? Was this just a way to get away from me? Now they have a good reason. They can feel like a. Like they're this, you know, that. That I'm such this evil person that it made sense to get away from me. I don't know. I just. If I were you, I would. I would send a text and again, this has not worked for me. I've done this and it has not worked. I. So I can't say it's going to work, but at least you tried. Hey. And I would reference, you know, your boyfriend. I would show it to your boyfriend. Hey. And it would go something like, hey, I'm getting closer with your boyfriend. I love. Or I'm getting closer with your cousin. I love him. And you know what? He loves you both so much that it would really make me feel badly if we didn't all get along. I know that I made a Comment to you guys a couple years ago, that really was rude and it's something I shouldn't have made fun of. And honestly, if I had known it had gone, it would go this far. If I knew three years later that you two would be upset with me still, I wouldn't have said it in the first place. It doesn't matter that much to me. It didn't matter then that you guys weren't engaged. It doesn't matter now that you are engaged. I just like you two as people and I want to continue our friendship and make it stronger because I also love your cousin so much and want our relationship get stronger. So, like, I think something along the lines of that where you. You basically say, hey, guys, I'm sorry. Like, take the blame. Take. Take the bullet. Take the. Take the. You know, the. Take the loss. I was wrong. I should have never made a comment about you guys not being engaged yet. I love your cousin. He. He loves you. All I want in the world is for us to be close again and to figure this out. Would you like to go out to dinner sometime, just us four? I'd love to get dinner, just us four. Are you guys free the next month? Let's make a plan. I think, because then at that point when it's the apology plus the. The, hey, let's break bread for them to say, we don't want to go to dinner with you, it's like, okay, then what do you want here? What? What will. What. Okay, so where if. Because if they wrote back, let's say in a weird scenario, they go, we don't want to get dinner with you. We hate you. We're never going to do this again. Then I think my next text, because let me give you worst case scenario, my next test would be, so how do you want to play it? How do you want to go the rest of our lives? Because I'm trying to make the rest of our lives a little bit easier and more comfortable. So do we just not speak? I need to know your terms. Because right now my terms were, let's give this a shot. You're important to my boyfriend, so I want to make it so that we can be cool. So you've said no to that. Now let me. Let's go the other option. What's the other option? How do you see it? Should we just ignore each other at family events? Are you going to hang out? I just want to know that I'm doing right by you guys because you don't seem to have an option that's what I would say that's the next and I don't think that's going to happen but I'm giving you worst case scenario to make you feel better. J train podcast gmail.com j train podcast mail.com I got one more email in front of us again the book Walking Red flag is out. YouTube we got videos every Saturday. You can't say your boy Papa JT leaves you with nothing to watch or listen to or read. Now I'm coming to you by the air, the sea and the the the air, the sea and the ground. Jared, welcome to Florida. Love the podcast. Want your thoughts on an issue? I'm here to give them Growing up, my mom was very critical of how my sister and I looked. Our clothes, hair, whether things were flattering. They put that in quotes. Whether things were flattering. Quote as adults, the criticism has shifted to our weight and other life choices. Neither one of us are large women. Even that. This is where, this is where your mom's critiques become a problem. You're telling me neither of us are large women? I don't know what large means. Like by whose account? Who's large, who's medium, who's small. Do we go by shirt size, pant size? Is there a waist component? I just, and this is where like I think the languaging around this, you don't have to tell me whether you're large and I don't care. Your mom's a piece of shit who keeps calling you out and making life uncomfortable. It sounds like you love your mom. I'm not trying to be mean to your mom. I just think like neither one of us are large women. That doesn't matter. I know you're writing it because you think I'm, I, I, I actually I'm a little insulted you would think I would look as if I'd sit here going, well, how large are you? That's not the worst. Anyone who would respond that way is a piece of okay, example. When my sister gained some weight in college, she comment on example. When my sister gained some weight in college, she commented on it until she lost it, but then criticized how she lost it. Diet cleanse. Most recently she commented that she never really liked my ex boyfriend. She pictures me with a tall, hot athlete. Don't we all? What is your mom. Oh, I always pictured you with a tall, athletic model type. No, but you were with that, that, that piece of garbage short loser. Like what's she talking about? Since she never voiced her opinion while we were dating. Yeah, as she shouldn't it confuses me how she holds sans how she holds some things in but not others. Well, in her mind she's thinking it's appropriate to comment on an ex now that you're not together when commenting on an ex. Like that is actually just as, just as insult. Just as I would say it's. It's still insulted. Not just as cuz you're not with them and you don't have to deal with it, but like making fun of your ex or saying that they weren't good enough for you. It doesn't help you. It doesn't get you to a better place. Honestly, it makes you question your own view on the world. Do I have low confidence and that's why I was whistling? And also to look at who's beneath you, who's above you, what you know. Would it if there were a hot tall athlete who was an asshole to you, would that be better for her? No. How do you set boundaries with a parent who frames control and criticism as help? And how do you stop internalizing those comments? Or when they've been your whole life? It's hard to feel like I'm making the right choices as I move through adulthood. Sincerely. Help a sister out. This is a very tough question for me to answer. I'm not going to. I'm not going to give you the answer. Let me, let me say that to you right now. I am going to say I. I'll tell you a story. I went to the beach last weekend. I'm at the beach. My mom says, hey, Jared. No, that's not how my mom talks me. She goes, my mom was going to meet me at the beach and she said, I'll be there at 10:30 in the morning. Bring snacks. That's what she said. Bring snacks. Okay. So she goes to the beach, she says, and then that morning comes, she gets to the beach. Are you coming? Yep. Packing snacks. Anything in particular you want? Nope. Don't worry about it. Get what you want, you bring what you can. Okay, so I pack a bag of snacks, I bring it to the beach. I do not like eating at the beach. It's just not something I like to do. And I think the reason this story leads to probably why I don't like eating at the beach. Because I bring. And I like to have a coffee on the beach. I like to have an iced coffee on the beach. I like to sip and sun. That's what I like to do. And I used to have alcohol on the beach. I don't do that. As much anymore. Sip and sun. A Diet Coke, lots of ice. That's my go to beach Persona. Get to the beach. The bag of snacks starts getting unpacked. My mom's unpacking it. She's going, whoa, chips. And who bought these? And what are these? She starts seeing the snacks. I brought a lot of TJ stuff, Trader Joe's, Swedish Swimmers, white corn tortilla chips, salsa, pretzel crisps, pistachios. I think a pretty good hole. I think a pretty good beach snack item. So then throughout the course of the day, Jared, eat. You're not going to eat anything. Jared, we're getting lunch. Do you want to eat? No, I'm not even hungry, to tell you the truth. I'm on a GLP1. I feel pretty good. I'm having my coffee. I'm not looking to eat. I know if I start eating, I'm not going to stop. I'd rather not the whole day. Jared, you're not going to eat. Jared, you're not going to have anything. Finally, I break, I go to the bag and I start having a couple chips. And as I'm eating the chips, and then I have a Swedish swimmer and I'm passing them out, you know, my mom's there with her friends. Hey, Susan, you want some Swedish swimmers? No, I'm good. I'm not a big gummy person. I'll lose a tooth. Oh, hey, you know, Linda, you want some tortilla chips? And then I start digging in. I'm not like taking handfuls of Swedish fish. And my mom goes, jared, Jared, enough. Oh my God, these snacks. And I'm like, you did this? I didn't want the snack. Are you out of your mind? You told me to bring snacks. I said I don't want the snacks. You forced me to eat the snacks. And then I eat them and you're making me feel bad for eating them. Then that night went for Chinese food. I talked to her today. My mom goes, chinese food, gotta be careful. Not very healthy. I said, do you? I. And I said to her, I go, yeah, well, that's why I was having it on Sunday night. That's when I have Chinese food. You don't have Chinese food ever? Well, not every night. I go, yeah, not a lot of people have it every night. I don't either. Well, it's not healthy. A lot of things are not healthy. And I think talking it out does make me feel better a little bit. Cuz I'm like, this isn't even my problem to me. And I. I'm telling you this story. One to relate to, say to you, yeah, everyone's dealing with some version of this. I. I hope that somehow makes you feel a little bit better. I'm telling you this story also because explaining it back to them is not being rude. So when I say to my mom, I go, you told me to bring the snacks. Now I'm eating the snacks. And then you begged me to eat the snacks. Now that I'm eating them, what is your problem? What would you like? And you kind of see them tilt their head like a. Like a dog, and they're like, I. And you can kind of see that they don't even realize they're doing it. So I think not screaming is a good way to go, Explaining, taking a moment. Because sometimes when you're receiving this, it's hard to, like, even put it together because it took me some time. I'm 41. I've dealt with this my whole life. After the day ended, I said, this happened over the phone. I said, you asked me to bring the snacks, yelled at me for eating the snacks. And then, and then after you begged me to eat them, I go, where am I crazy here? You don't think that this is a tough thing for me to deal with? You don't think that's, like, rude? And if you stay at not screaming and if you put it together afterwards, if it gets brought up again, just let them sit with it. And then I would be curious, what would you like me to eat? How would. How do you see this? How do you see this playing out? Because you're going to find they have no answers. They're just saying things to say things. And it's generally because they care. It's generally because they want the best for you. And the reality is, especially if you're someone who's getting comments on their looks and appearance, I don't think you're going places thinking you look bad, so you care, too. And I think that's the thing they need to be reminded of. I also care. I woke up and went to the gym this morning, and then I came to the beach and had my coffee and was looking to have a sensible dinner later. But then I got screamed at to keep eating snacks the whole day. So it got to me and I had some. And now you're yelling at me. Don't you think all of that shows that I care? Do you think I've just given up? What is the response here? So I think talking it out, laying it out in front of them. The what's being said, because I don't think they even realize. I hope that story didn't drag on too long or go in a direction that didn't make you feel seen, because I do think that does help to hear that you're not alone. And again, ask more questions. Never get angry. Say it straight out. So what you're looking. So here's what you're saying. You're saying that me, your daughter, dated a horrible person and you never said anything. When did you come to this conclusion? What made you think they were so horrible? Did I seem unhappy? See how calmly I'm asking those questions? And then they. They would go, well, they didn't seem horrible. When you first started dating. And you know, well, and it was because of afterwards, when you broke up, you were so upset. Oh, so you mad at them because they were upset me because they didn't want to be with me. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me either. I think the more you get them talking, the more you realize they have no idea what the fuck they're talking about. And the problem is with most of these parents is they speak confidently, so they come out confident. And the tone of their voice is so confident that you're like. You start to question yourself, and you're like, what am I questioning here? They know as little as I know. Jtrain podcast gmail.com Jtrain podcast gmail.com back next week. Boom.