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The JTrain Podcast
My Crush Liked My Best Friend On Hinge! Help! - MONDAY MAILBAG - The JTrain Podcast w Jared Freid
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Jared Freed
It's a mailbag, Munder. You got problems there? I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag Monday. Hello and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is Jay Train Jared Freed coming to you live from the West Village of Manhattan. That's right, right? Every Monday is a mail bag Monday. You, the listener, send your emails, and me, the podcast, or the comedian, the friend, answer your questions, give you some honest perspective. I try to be funny and light about it, and you try to be. And I'm always going to be honest. I'm going to start with honesty, and then we're going to have some fun with it. We're going to have some fun with your questions. I don't read these before. I like to read them with you, the listener. I have three emails in front of me today. I will say at the top of this episode, we need more emails. We want more life advice, relationship, family, friends, whatever's on your mind. Would love to have you write into mailbag Monday. It can be anything. And the email address is j train podcast gmail.com. that's J train podcast mail.com. we love a screenshot. We love specificity. R, E, S, P, E, C, T. Find out what it means to me. Specificity is what we want on this show. I blew it. I thought I was gonna rhyme at the end and I was reaching, reaching, reaching. Couldn't find it. Gave up. Well, listen, I hope that's not a sign of what's to come this week. Uh, it is a Monday. Happy Monday. Ugh, am I a happy Monday guy? Okay, listen, welcome to the show. I have three emails, one sponsor. That makes it pretty simple. So I'll do email, sponsor, email, email. We do need your emails. J train podcast, gmail.com. fun, specific. We want your anything that's on your mind and you want a perspective on. That's all I'm going to do. And you can also DM if, like, DM is the better way for you. J Train Podcast is on Instagram @jtrain podcast. And I would love for you to follow that account at J Train Podcast. Follow that account. Follow me on Tik Tok. I'm posting these clips to try and get this show to the masses. And it starts with you. I listen. I understand. There's so many ways to support this show. Sharing it to your Instagram story. That's amazing. Liking the posts that we put on Instagram. I find that just as amazing because that helps it go to father algorithm and hopefully who looks Kindly on us. That's, that's the new religion now. Praying to the algorithm. I know plenty of people who are doing that so myself included. So I would love for you if you see a post of mine, so especially on Tik Tok, if you see something of mine, hit a like, make a comment, do the train emoji. I think Gen Z like they are all in on it. They, they get it. They are, they understand the assignment. I think Gen Z like, you know, is un understanding of like throw a like what does it have to do with me? Might help them out to find some more people. I think they get it more than millennial. I think we're too, we're, we're too in competition. Well, I'm not saying Gen Z isn't in competition. I, I believe they are but I think they are better at faking it. They. Gen Z is a bunch of fakes. I is my real opinion. I think that they're the most camera ready generation to me but hopefully there's some Gen Z listeners today. Welcome to the show. I take emails, we give advice. I have three in front of me. Let's get to it. Last announcement. As I sip my coffee from Blackstone Coffee. I love Blackstone. It's on the corner of Hudson and Christopher. I think that is the best coffee place in the city. I meet some of you there. Some people come up to me and they say I found out about this place from you. I'm happy I could do that for you because that place is just wonderful. It feels just like you're in. Nothing feels more in New York City than Blackstone Coffee. Nothing feels more neighborhood. This is what I thought New York was gonna be when I watched Sesame street growing up than Blackstone Coffee. That's my big. And they do a great job and they're nice people. I mean Jared, do you have anything negative to say? No. Other than Gen Z is the fakest generation. No, I have nothing else to say. And their fashion stinks. But other than that we're in a mailbag Monday. I sound like I'm in a mood. I'm not. I'm in a pretty good mood if, if it's. If. If I'm taping this On Thursday the 17th, I'll probably tape Coffee with J Train. Oh yeah. Support the show the Patreon. I do Coffee with J Train every Thursday or every Friday comes out. But I taped on Thursday telling stories from the week before. This week I'll probably talk about being sober. I hate saying it that way. I haven't drank since the beginning of the month and it's been good and boring and all the things. So I'll get into that on Patreon. Patreon.com Jared Freed all the links are in the description of this episode. Last announcement. There's a U up live. Not this week, but the week after. We're doing a live UF podcast. I would love for you to come the you the live UA podcast started as the live J Train podcast. I used to go on stage at like Stand Up New York and take emails from the crowd and we do. It was like the fir. I. I think I was like very early to the not first but early to the live podcast experience and understanding that the show has to be a live version of the show. You can't just do the show on stage, which a lot of people do and I do believe they are stealing people's money. We do dating app makeovers. We put people's screenshots on the screen. We do deal reveal where we translate the, you know, know, the, the text. We do icky or picky and, you know, red flag deal breaker. We give out paddles. It's a whole event and I want you guys to come. It's on my website. Jared free.com Wednesday, April 30 I'll be there. Jordana, the whole bet's team. Other than that. Let's get to the emails. Jared, you the best senior show two times now. Congrats on the success. Thank you so much. I have had a crush. Oh, last announcement. Last London. I think I'm coming. London, foggy London town. If you're in the uk, you have friends in the uk. Let them know about my show. I'm coming. Ready to do some new material. New. New. This is new new material that has been. If it's starting to gel, it's starting to feel good. I. I'm feeling some confidence. Last night I did a set, did three sets at the Comedy Cellar. I have one joke that I'm like, I'll go into this on coffee with J Train on Patreon. This is more, you know, personal stuff. But I'm just in love with this one joke. I just love doing it. I love how happy and how the p. I love how the audience laughs. It's like a. I can taste it. Their laugh tastes better. It's. It's like a treat. So, yeah, I'm coming to London. I'll probably have the link out by now. So I'm doing the show in London because I wanted to go To Lisbon. And this was a way I could make that happen. And I have new material to do in London, so I think that works for everyone involved. Right, Lisbon? Because my brother and his wife are gonna go. And I was like, I'd like to go. I'd like to see Portugal and not be alone on vacation. Okay. You. The best senior show. Two times. Okay. I have had a crush on my neighbor for a few months now, but we've only spoken a couple of times. Perfect. That's how I hear that. I don't hear problem. I hear perfect. You've spoken to the. You're around them, so you're gonna see them again. You've established a base. Two times. You've spoken. Good. We got something. We got something to work with. We have a little. That's why it's called Tinder. You have a Tinder of a spark. That's all these dating apps were meant to be. That's where it's literally called. Tinder. Is that what it's called? Now I'm saying it out loud. I'm like, am I getting the name? Yeah. Tinder. Because it was a Tinder of a flame, not a whole flame. You're not gonna fall in love. Don't. They literally said to you with Tinder. They were like, this isn't working. We're naming this what this should be. This should be a little less than a spark. Let's see what this can be. You have a Tinder. The more I say it, the more I'm like, is it called Tinder? Am I out of my mind? You know, you say a word a couple times, I'm literally searching. Tinder. It sounds. Do me a favor. If you're listening right now, say Tinder, like, under your breath. If you're walking or you're in public, just say it. Tinder. You go. That word just sounds like something I've never really. Maybe I've just read it more than I've said it. That was the whole point of the app. What you have, what you. You have what people wish for. Neighbor you're attracted to. Spoken a couple of times. Little Tinder. Recently, my friend called me up and told me that he liked her on Hinge. Okay, now the water gets murky. So I've had a crush on my neighbor for a few months now, but we've only spoken a couple of times. Recently, my friend called me up and told me that he liked her on Hinge. So I'm assuming you two had a conversation of sorts. You mentioned hot chick in Your building. This person saw them, then saw them on Hinge was like, oh, that's the hot chick my friend was talking about that never spoke to them. I'm liking them. And then we'll see what happens. You know, to the victor go the spoils. My best friend and I live within miles of each other and therefore have come across some of the same guys on dating apps. Um, this has bothered me in the past, but not for her. The. The sexes, the he. She of it all is getting confusing. Recently, my friend called me up and told me that he liked her on Hinge. Okay, maybe you are a woman. I don't know. Uh, my best friend and I live within miles of each other and therefore have come across some of the same guys on dating apps. Maybe they messed this up. This has bothered me in the past, but not for her. She saw it as an ex. As exciting for me since we know that he is single. Oh, I messed this all up. You're getting my real time. He liked her on Hinge. So woman writing to me. Okay, I've had a crush on my. Let me assume some gender stuff, even though I'm not trying to, but the way this would be the most generalized version. I've had a crush on my neighbor for a few months. So a guy that is your neighbor and we've spoken a couple of times. Reason my friend called me up and told me that the guy liked her. The friend. So the guy that they've talked to in the building liked her friend. Unhinged. This. This was written not great. I'm just letting them know my best friend and I live within a couple miles each other and there live within miles of each other and therefore have come across some of the same guys on dating apps. Okay, so you guys have similar tastes. This has bothered me in the past, but not for her. So it hasn't bothered you with this friend when you guys come across the same guys she saw as exciting for me now she saw it as exciting for me. Since now. Since now. No, since we now know that he is single. I hope this is now clicking into place for you. Or maybe it's already clicked in the so the friend gets liked by the guy this the emailer has a crush on. And she's like, isn't this great? He's single. It's like, yeah, but he just said he wanted to fuck you. So I have to live with that information forever. Like, you know, the emailer is writing in being like, what if I get 20 years from now and she's at my wedding. And I'm still looking at her going, h, my husband would have wanted to her at one point. You know, it kind of. And again, like, anyone married 20 years might listen to this and go by that point, it doesn't matter. It's all stupid. No one cares. But that doesn't. That doesn't change the fact that this is less romantic than they would hope for it to be. We have how we want things to work out and then the reality of how things work out. And sometimes that reality is too much to take. She has no interest in him, but I saw it as ruining the whole thing. How do I get over feeling like. How do I get over the feeling that liking on an app is not real interest in her? Ah, this is hard. It feels like I no longer want to try to pursue this if I know he'd find her attractive. Love thy neighbor or whatever. Thank you. I can't tell you how much I love this email. This is the special specificity that I'm talking about. This is such a 2025 situation. This is something your parents have no relation to. Again, that person who's been married 20 years going, who cares that he liked her on an app? And it's like, I do. I had this. I had this, like, romantic will they, Won't they romcom going on in my apartment where I see this guy in the hallway. We have a few words. There's kind of a vibe, I imagine, ooh, maybe they're single. I'm single. Maybe we'll go out. Maybe we'll get a drink. Maybe this is the story that every especially woman hopes for. And now your friend comes along and goes, hey, you're not gonna believe it. He's single. I. You gotta go for him. And you're like, how do you know? And it's like, well, he said he wanted to fuck me on a dating app. And it's like. He said that? It's like, well, no, he didn't really say that. He said. He just sent me a like, which could just mean that he wants to meet me. And it's like, no, that's not what it means. Men, like, as disgusting as they are, they like, you be on a dating app. The like gets sent for a carnal, animalistic reason. Now, would I want to date everyone I've liked on a dating app? No. Maybe that makes it more romantic for you. Maybe you go, well, we, you know, maybe you guys end up together forever, and I am way ahead. I know this. But maybe you guys end up together Forever. And you go, well, he was just saying, she's cute. And. But he loves me. And that's beautiful in its own way. So there's positive to that. Here's the problem you have, and I can understand why you have a tough time getting over. This is like, I'm right here. He could have said to me, anytime we spoken, hey, let's get a drink. Get. Let me get your number. And he didn't. But let me go back. You know, I'm going back and forth on this because I do think pursuing him is worth it. I do think going up to you in the hallway of your apartment, there's so many other things. The difference between dating apps, liking someone in a dating app, and pursuing someone that you see in your building is vast. The whole thing on a dating app is you never get turned down. There's no disappointment. It is literally throwing against the wall when it's someone in your building. There's repercussions. There's consequences. There's the. The public feeling. There's. There's, first of all, hey, I would love your number. And maybe hearing a no, that doesn't happen on a dating app. And then. Or it's very rare. There's also the possibility of you guys getting together and then breaking up, and then you live in the same apartment building as someone that you have an uncomfortable situation with. So dating apps are all about easy in person is all about consequence and difficult. And that's what we avoid. We. We. We do this with everything. Takes the harder option. You're the more difficult option. So you. If you can get to a place where you admit I'm the more difficult option. So that's what. So you give him a little empathy and you say, that's why he hasn't approached me in person. It is not the same to throw a like at your friend who's cute and you know is cute. You're your friend. You. You see how beautiful they are, and you're beautiful, too. But throwing a like at your friend on a dating app is not the same as coming up to you in person and having a conversation and feeling a vibe and making a. A real effort to, like, go on a date with you, that has real consequences. So if you can get to a point, and here's the problem now, I would be asking you to use the information. And here, here's where this feels shitty. And I would never tell you to do this. I'm just saying it's an option. Here's how you do this. You and Your friend based, you're gonna get. I don't know. You may already know where to find this guy, but maybe you don't. Maybe you didn't have his name. Maybe you just only talked a couple times and you would have loved to have gone out with him. Now, because of your friend getting liked by him on Hinge, you now have enough information to find out who he is, where he is, and get his Instagram to DM him. So if I'm you, the way to go about this is, hey, you. You get his information because your friend screenshot the hell out of his profile to show you, look, he's single and he wants to hook up with me, but you can go for him. Now, you know, the door is open for you. You should let your friend know, like, this is uncomfortable and annoying. I'm annoyed by this. But you can be annoyed and move on from it, and we can get to a better place. So I would tell your friend, like, this is annoying, knowing that he's, like, attracted to you because that's why he liked you. He didn't like you because he thought you would be fun to go talk about books with. He liked you because he was attracted. Okay, so you say this is annoying. This is not the way I would have. Want to have met him. But if you can get past this and you and your friend, as you said, you're not in competition with them, you. You have a good relationship. DM him. Hey, I got your. I know this is weird, but I've seen you a few times in the building. My friend actually got a like from you on Hinge, so now he knows it's a no from the friend. And she knew that we had spoken, and then I had had a little bit of an interest in. And I thought you were cute, would love to get a drink. And again, you have the same consequences as him. This could get uncomfortable if it doesn't work out. You live in the same building. All these things are reasons for you not to do this. And now you have this added thing of, like, he never made a move on me, which I don't think is apples to apples with him sending a like to your friend. Unhinge. It's not. I mean, I was just at a coffee show. I was just at Blackstone. This girl came out to me. She was like. She was really cute. She goes. She was like, oh, my God, I saw you. I see you all the time on my TikTok. I just want to say you're so funny. I was like, thank you. Then she sat around the corner and, like, had her coffee, put it in her headphones. So then I went and got my coffee. I get food first, and then I go in, I get my coffee afterwards, so it's hot, and I go up to her. And so then I walked a different way to, like, say hello, you know, to be like, hey, thanks again. And, like, see if there was something. So I go by her and I go, hey, thanks again. What's, you know, what's the plan today? She's like, I'm literally making my plan right now. And I'm like, well, that's cool. I'm like, what do you do? And we get this little conversation. She's like, kind of with this conversation enough for me to go, let's exchange a number. And I didn't. I didn't do it. Why? I don't know. It just didn't get there. But I'm like, okay, if I saw her again, who knows if it was to happen then, you know, so. But I'm just saying I'm a guy who's single, who's out there, who then went and spoke to a woman and didn't get her number. And it's not because I was, like, not attractive, not wanting to just. It just didn't go that way. So if that helps you maybe hear that and go, oh, it's not that personal. And you know what? And honestly, I could be sending a like to a friend of hers on hinge right now, and it wouldn't mean that I was, like, more invested than in the. Like, than I was the person that I just had a nice conversation with in any way. If anything, the nice conversation was better than the light. It would be better than like. So I hope that helps. I don't know how. I can't tell you how to feel because you said, you know, how do I get over the feeling? I can't tell you that. I can tell you that on the other side of things, you are not apples to the like to her was not the same as the not taught. Not making a move for you in real life at the apartment. There's more consequences there. J train podcast gmail.com j train podcastmail.com I love the sponsor because it solves two problems. I want to eat bread, and I want that bread to be as low a calories as possible. And that's what Herobred does. If you're on a weight loss journey, you might have to give up those quarter pounders with cheese, but you don't have to give up bread. Hero bread has you covered with soft, fluffy bread that tastes amazing without the guilt. I've had it. I have it. 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Go to Hero Co use code J train at checkout. That's J train. H E R O CO. Okay, so that's our sponsor in the description of today's episode. Jared, thanks for being a big brother to a big brother. I love that your wise advice is so appreciated and has helped guide me a ton. I'm a 28 year old guy and have found myself stuck in a sort of cycle of the world of data in the world of dating. You and me both, brother. I am a pretty decent looking guy and have had a few girlfriends throughout my life until this point. I have been in therapy for about two years now and it's an incredibly important part of my life. However, I keep finding myself in the cycle. Well, I am no therapist. I am, as you said, just a big brother. I'll. I'll take a look at your sitch. But it's nice that you're going to therapy and you and it's important to you. When I am single and focus on myself, I'm very happy and feel like I'm my best self. But inevitably the thought creeps in after a few months that I should start dating again and getting back out there romantically. For context, I am not a guy who really does well with casual encounters. I usually prefer building trust with someone and slow Progression over one night stands. I think wow, this is the one and get swept up in it. Here is the hard part of the cycle I need some advice on early on in dating, it gets difficult for me to judge my personal interests along with starting a a relationship. It gets difficult for me to ju juggle my personal interests along with starting a relationship. I feel like I lose a lot of myself and invest too much in building the relationship. Especially if by month three or four we end up splitting up. I got the sneezies. I feel uprooted and unsure of where to go after this. It takes a few months to reconnect with myself before the cycle all starts over again. Since moving to a new city after graduation, I've been in an eight month situationship that wasn't right for me at all, but the sex was fantastic. I also have been in a five month roller coaster where we shared so many common interests but we couldn't build strong communication ending with me getting dumped and blindsided. Both of these relationships left me feeling incredibly lost and not myself. I also had my first one night stand somewhere in between them with a person in our friend group and the sex wasn't worth the stress and discomfort that came after it. We you have been living man, this is great. I, I none of these things are bad. None of these things. This is you living, being 28, being single. You know, this is you and it sounds like you're doing it as respectfully as and and nicely as you can. So I I, I don't read any of this and go oh what are you doing? You know? You know. Again, eight month situationship wasn't right. Good sex. That's what situationships are, a five month roller coaster. You're trying to make something work. They're kind of being distant because they're not as into you as you are into them. So then you get and blindsided. That's probably what happened there. One night stand with the friend. The sex was fine, but it wasn't really worth stressing out about this friend group. I All good. All makes sense right now. I'm starting to dip my toes back into dating, but I'm feeling apprehensive because I know that I lose so much of myself in the process. Do you have any tips for keeping yourself at the center of the relationship, especially early on? Or is it better to change my approach to dating where I should learn to be open for casual interactions? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Okay, I have a couple thoughts because I think I see a lot of myself in you. And I don't know if this is the same, but I do find myself and it sounds like, it sounds like you're trying to win over someone. And that's like a problem I have. It's like, you know, especially because I'm a comedian, I go on stage. If I'm on stage for 15 minutes, my goal is to crush for 15 minutes to get these people to like me so much that they laugh and talk about me later. And I kind of. That transfers over to my dating life where instead of being my total self, I am pleasing, you know, the people pleaser thing. And it sounds like I'm like, I hope this doesn't sound like I'm like trying to like, compliment myself, because I'm not. I don't like it about myself. I. I end up being fake. You end up being like, you know, and there's some fakeness. That's like the person I would like to be, you know, paying for the date is fakeness. A little bit. I do like it. I like the feeling of paying for the date. But I also like making them happy and showing that I, I cared enough to pay for the date. I do think that's okay. I think it gets into like, when I get like a few months in, I start going into that people pleasing mode and I'm being and I'm holding. And again, it sounds like you're doing this a little bit based on this email where you're doing things that maybe you wouldn't done if you were. Had truth serum flowing through your bra, through your veins, you know, because like the idea that you lose yourself. Well, what are you losing? I don't know what it is specifically. You lose so much of yourself in the process. And it might be that you're just saying yes to everything. And how about a few no's? How about being a little difficult? This is something I envy about my brother. He is he, you know, he'll be a pain in the ass to his partner in the most I'm a gonna do me way. So I think I'd like a little taste of that in my own life. I think being more you pushes people away. It might make someone not like you as much, but it might make someone else and the right person like you so much more because they know you and it might make you like them because they accept the things that you need in your life that you won't back down from. That doesn't mean, you know, you know, you have to. Well, that. And again, you're Vague about what you lose yourself. I think you have to dig in. Like, what are the things that make me me. What are the things I feel like I'm los. What have I made compromises on that made me feel like I was a different person than the person I actually am? And I think I deal with that. I can see eye to eye with that. I think I've been into three months in with someone and gone, do I like them, or am I just happy that I've made them happy? And I haven't even thought of my own feelings? So that's my overarching thing. And I don't. I don't have a. Again, like, I'm as vague as you are. I don't really have the exact thing that I put aside, but, like, it's. It's just the everyday. Are you being as honest as you can be with this person? Respectfully honest. I love you, but it's a no from me. Not gonna do that. That's not who I am. That's not what I do. That wouldn't be fun for me. That's hard to do. I. I think that's, like, I envy the people that can do that. That, like, that can do that without, you know, that can be themselves without compromising, kind of like. And. And while also knowing when you're wrong. So I think, like, sometimes I think I'm always wrong, and maybe my first instinct is the wrong one, so I just go along with what they want to do. And then I get, like, two weeks away from it. I'm like, I. I'm still annoyed that I went, you know, to that dinner I never wanted to go to. And these are small, but I don't know what your thing is, but I think taking stock of, like, what are the things that I felt like I was losing in a relationship and, you know, maybe owning and being a little difficult for people and having to trust that, like, the people you're enjoying company with can also enjoy coming with you, but also the real you. Jtrain podcast gmail.com jtrain podcastmail.com we have a third email. And again, I. I say this as. I beg you for more emails, but we're doing three today because, you know, the first was a little short, but I. It was not as short as we thought it would be or as I. It wasn't as short as it looked because it was such a. It had. It had. It had a lot of. It had a lot to. Was like a double quarter pounder with cheese. You're like Is that how big it is? And then you eat it. You go, oh, that was a. That had some F. That had some stuff going on there. I had a burrito the other night that was just on that subject. Sun Del Norte. This is a place that does like San Diego burritos. And they just opened a second location. Unbelievable. I had it last night. They just opened one near the cellar. No, not a lot of tables, but whoo. Jared, I feel like I have a very J Train email for you here. I love this j train podcast. Gmail.com for all your very J Train needs. Jump right, right into it. I've changed our names to letters, which should help illustrate things. There's. I'm. I haven't read this, but I'm looking at the letters and we go all the way to G. So here we go. I, A, just got home from attending an NBA game with my brother, B, his wife, C. Okay, so we have the emailer, A, the brother B, the wife, C, two friends of theirs, D and E. So their friends are D and E, and two friends of those friends, F and G. My girlfriend was occupied tonight, so I was the seventh wheel. No big deal. I get along great with B, C, D and E. I have never met F and G. So you know your brother and his wife, you know, they're two friends and then the friends of the friends you have yet to meet. Anyway, given these social connections, the ideal seating order for when we got to our seats should have been A, B, C, D, E, F, G. I absolutely agree. It's you next to your brother on the end, your brother's wife on the other side of them, the wife of. If anything, I actually, I disagree. You're wrong. You put the new group in the middle. In my opinion, I haven't gone ahead. I think the newbies, you're on the end, you shouldn't have to deal with the newbies. Your brother and his wife who are being introduced to the newbies because they are friends of friends, I don't know should be on one side of them, on your side of them, and their friends and their friends should be on the other side of them. You have to lock in the newbies so that they can be controlled by the two groups on either side. So it should be A, B, C, F, G, D, E. So you, brother, sister in law, wife of friend of friend, husband of friend of friend. Hmm. It's tough. The older you get, you notice that, like, the women and the men go to separate tables. Like my parents and their friends. It's like it looks like a middle school dance. So I do think they go in the middle to make the conversation easier because your brother's friends, the ones you know, they can be on the way in because they can scream across to you if needed and they can also handle the couple that's being brought in. Okay, so we disagree. I do agree that you should be on the end near next to your brother, but you know how these things go. We arrive slightly late and flustered. Oh. We walk to our seats on an amorphous blob and ended up in the following seating order. A, B, F. Okay, F. Who's F? Okay, so you ended up as a B. So you, your brother, brother and his wife, two of their friends. Two of those, two friends of those friends, F and G. So it was effing in the middle. Dce. So then the two friends, his wife. I'm not as against the. So it went you, your brother, the newbies couple, and then it went the couple you knew with or with your sister in law in between them. Okay, I can see this now. It could. I actually think that's not as bad as it could have been. You the only. I've had this. I've gone to a Yankee game where somehow I was next to someone's friend they brought and I was like, no, this is not how it should be. I should be that the new friend should be with their friend brought into the group. It could have been worse. Of course, I got to sit next to my brother while no one sat next to someone they didn't know. That's the main thing. It just wasn't ideal. I could tell my brother B was waiting to chat with his friend D, but didn't get much of a chance to. Right. I. That's why I would have put your. Your brother's friend D. You're saying he didn't get a chance because he's two away from D. I'm looking at. We should put this on the screen. My question is, do you have any advice for how to end up in the optimal seating arrangements when attending a game or concert in a group of people with varying levels of social connection? Yeah, I have a lot of opinions on this. No one wants to be the seat police and enforce a predetermined seating order, but at the same time, some arrangements do make more sense than others in terms of maximizing fun across the group. Love the pod. Thanks, Mike. Here's what I will say to you. I love this email and I do think this is the reason you need One pain in the ass in every group. Pains in the asses get things done. You needed. You needed. And the problem is you couldn't do it because you're the brother of. It's not really your place. Your brother could have stood up and been like, here's what you do. When everyone sits down, you go, hey, let's get a good seating arrangement here so everyone can get to know each other. You have to do it in service of the betterness of the group. You have to do it in service of making the group a happier group. And when you say, hey, I know everyone doesn't know G and F. Let's put G and F in the middle. And listen, one of them is not gonna be happy. One of them. Everyone wants the nc. No one wants the middle. But you have to force it on them, and you have to present it as, this is what's best for the group. This is what gets everyone to know each other. This was what makes us all become better friends in the end. You know, it's not. It's not about the destiny. It's not the destination. It's the. The memories we made along the way. You could even do that as a joke. Listen, I know we all want the end seat. Here we go. But I would. I would have gotten up. I know we all want the end seat, but no one knows gnf. We're going to throw them in the middle. And then I would say, you know, C and D, you're on one side of gnf. A, B and C, you're on the other side of. Of cnf. And then I. I would. This is how I would have done it. If I was this emailer who's the brother of the seventh wheel. I would have stood up and been like, hey, we got to figure out these seating arrangements, because I want to get to know everybody. Don't we want to all get to know each other. You two are new to the group. You two are going to be in the middle. And I would say the. My brother's friends. I would go, you guys on one side of them. I'd say, my brother and his wife. I go, you guys on the other side of them. I'll be on the end so that you three can all get together and be fun and maybe have babies around the same time. Who knows? This could be a good group. And I'll be weirdo on the end, and I'll make sure that I order all the drinks from the guy coming through the aisle. And. And you know what? First Round's on me. If we all sit in the appropriate spots. That's how I would have played it. You got to sell the sizzle, which is these three couples are around the same age. They need. It's hard to make new friends. There's one couple knows everyone a little bit less. So you use that. Hey, you're the newbies. Throw them in the middle so that we can all get a taste of the new couple. We all want to lick you, asshole. So everyone get them in the middle, throw up those butt cheeks, and we're all going to take a lick. Who wants a beer? That's how you play it. I disagree with your order because I don't put the new couple, the friend of friend, on the end. I think the friend of friend should be in the middle. They should be surrounded. And then at the end of the night, you decide whether you speak to them ever again and invite them to such events like this. At the end of the night, you go. And again, this goes against the Larry David, like, middling. But I do think it matters that I think this is different than a table scenario. This is very different. This is everyone sitting across at a baseball or a basketball game or a football game. So it's. This is a more difficult way to talk. You have to, like, curl yourself around. So you want. You want the least able group in the middle at a game like this, in my opinion, because you want everyone else to envelop them with the good conversation. You actually need your strongest on the. On the corners, if I'm to be honest. Great email. Oof. That made me so happy. J train podcast@gmail.com. back next week. Boom.