Podcast Summary: The JTrain Podcast

Host: Jared Freid
Episode: My Ex Texted Me! How do I respond? - MONDAY MAILBAG
Date: February 2, 2026

Overview

This mailbag Monday episode of The JTrain Podcast features host Jared Freid answering listener emails on the topics of exes reaching out, complicated breakups, and navigating rekindled relationships. Jared offers straightforward advice, humorous takes on dating culture, and his signature blend of empathy and tough love. The main theme centers around recognizing your own needs and boundaries, especially when it comes to exes, emotional closure, and what it truly means to prioritize oneself in romantic situations.

Key Discussions and Insights

1. When an Ex Reaches Out: Breaking the Cycle

[00:00–14:40]

• A listener, a self-described “recovering toxic man lover,” writes in about an ex who texted her after a breakup due to trust issues and suspected cheating.

• Main advice: Jared stresses that it is enough to leave a relationship because someone makes you feel emotionally unsafe. There’s no need for a long list of justifications.

  “My boyfriend made me feel emotionally unsafe. You can end it right there. No more explanation needed.” – Jared (01:37)

• Societal pressure can add guilt or compel women to “over-explain” breakups. Jared encourages listeners to trust their instincts and prioritizes the idea that a good life should be made better, not worse, by a partner.

• Jared provides a “principle’s office” analogy: Ultimately, if your boyfriend's behavior makes you uncomfortable, you don’t need to investigate further—just walk away.

• He pushes back on blanket statements like, “all charismatic men are liars or fuckboys,” arguing that it’s disempowering and inaccurate:

  “If I was on a date with someone who said, ‘I don’t like charisma because that means they must be fuck boys,’ I would go, well, it seems like you are not an adult who can handle making a decision on your own.” – Jared (05:24)

• Jared advises against interpreting or dignifying post-breakup messages from exes who were manipulative or unfaithful.

  “Now you have to digest that through your eyes. You have to put it in your tummy, and you gotta shit it out your ass, and it doesn’t feel good. It’s not worth your time.” – Jared (11:42)

• On receiving poetic or dramatic messages from an ex (who attached a song and called the listener the love of his life):

  “You need to not walk, not run. You need to sprint away from this person.” – Jared (13:10)

• Ultimately, the advice is to block the ex, send a clear final message if needed, and never look back.

2. Navigating Ethical Non-Monogamy and Emotional Fallout

[20:45–33:18]

• A listener shares a New York Times Magazine article: “I let my wife have an affair. Do I have to console her now that it’s over?”

• Jared unpacks the complexities of ethical non-monogamy and why broad relationship experiments often have unforeseen emotional consequences.

• He notes that while open relationships might seem theoretically doable, living them is much harder and can bring unexpected pain.

  “You kind of have to, like, go through the thing to see how it feels. You don’t know until you drink it.” – Jared (23:16)

• Jared empathizes with both the husband and wife, recognizing that looking for fulfillment outside the marriage often signals deeper issues that can’t be solved with novelty or external intimacy.

• He humorously questions whether consoling a spouse for their extra-marital breakup is even rational (“Do you want me to go by a different name while we fuck, will that help you get over Jonathan a little bit quicker?” – Jared, 29:32).

• The segment underscores how distractions (like affairs) ultimately don’t solve core problems, and that running from marital malaise rarely produces happiness.

3. Ex Wants a Second Chance: Reply or Move On?

[38:00–end]

• Another email asks Jared for help replying to a man, a 36-year-old doctor, who wants to reconnect a year after a situationship fizzled out due to his lack of effort.

• The listener divulges she proactively initiated most contact and even imagined their future together despite limited intimacy.

• Jared gently pokes at how easy it is to build up fantasy futures, but grounds the discussion in the reality of unmet needs.

  “We’ve had sex twice in three months. And I’m mentally planning our Thanksgiving. Let’s make sure we see kind of how we’re landing here.” – Jared (42:12)

• He warns against giving in to the urge for retroactive validation or blaming it all on the ex’s job (“He’s basically saying your feelings don’t matter. So this is a bad start for you two getting back together if I were you.” – Jared, 46:44).

• Jared suggests a pragmatic approach: meet for coffee, express expectations about emotional responsibility, and see if his priorities have truly changed.

  “I’d like someone who’s responsible for my feelings in the same way I feel responsible for theirs... If you have the same priorities you had the last time, we’re probably not the right match as far as timing is concerned.” – Jared (49:14)

• He emphasizes not starting anew unless clear, substantive changes have been addressed; timing and matched priorities are key.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On breakups and over-explaining:
  “There are a lot of women who feel they need to have seven different reasons for ending things. You ended it. You didn’t want to be with them.” – Jared (03:07)

• On blocking exes:
  “At a certain point, you have to trust your past self.” – Jared (12:47)

• On thinking “charisma = fuckboy”:
  “You’re smarter than that, Ms. Listener. You’re smarter than that. Stop it. You went to college, you were able to graduate, you were able to find a job. You can’t suss out when someone makes you feel badly even though they’re charismatic? Yes, you can.” – Jared (06:11)

• On ethical non-monogamy problems:
  “Now that you’ve blown the mailman, what do we do?” – Jared (28:15)

• On rekindling:
  “You can fail quicker this time. It won’t take you six months to roll it back.” – Jared (47:56)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–14:40: My ex texted me — should I respond?
• 20:45–33:18: Ethical non-monogamy fallout – “Should I console my wife after her affair ends?”
• 38:00–end: An old flame reappears – should the listener give him another chance?

Tone and Style

Jared brings his typical blend of wise older-brother energy, playful sarcasm, and direct but caring honesty. His advice champions self-respect and emotional autonomy, cajoling listeners (often jokingly) to value themselves more and recognize when it’s time to let go, block, and move forward.

Conclusion

This episode navigates the messy realities of modern relationships: exes with mixed signals, the aftermath of open marriages, and what it means to make yourself—and your emotional needs—a priority. Jared leaves listeners with practical scripts, meta-insights about dating culture, and, most importantly, the motivation to trust their own decisions and boundaries.