Jared Freed (0:00)

It's a mailbag. Munder. Do, do, do, do. You got problems there? I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag. Monday. Hello and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is Jay Train Jared Freed coming to you live from the West Village of Manhattan. That's right, every Monday is a. You might be thinking, Jared, but I see your Instagram, you're in New Zealand right now. Well, you know, future me is in New Zealand. I currently am taping this the Wednesday before I leave on Friday. Yes, the J Train is going to roll on. I'll be taping episodes from New Zealand and Australia. So keep sending in your emails. I'm going to find a, you know, where there's a will, there's a way. I'm not going to leave you guys hanging. I'm not just going to go away for three weeks. I actually think it'll be fun to hear podcasts as I'm, you know, well, if, if you're in New Zealand, Australia, it might be fun in a different way. I'm like in your country. I'm going to give, probably have some stories from there. And if you're in, if you're stateside, if you're on this side of the world, it'll be fun to, you know, you're going to hear a podcast that's taping in Australia, so that's kind of cool. And New Zealand, so. But for now, I'm trying my best to get ahead so that I can get a little bit of a head start for when I'm in those countries. If you are in New Zealand and Australia and you listen to this show, I want you to come, come to the shows. I'm all over. I'm Auckland and I don't know, this comes out on the 24th. I think Auckland's tonight or tomorrow. Sydney, Melbourne, Adelaide, Brisbane, Newcastle. Perth has been canceled. No tickets sold there. But Sydney, we added another show. So win some, lose some. So assemble the group chat. Bring your friends, family. Would love to. Let's see how it goes. Let's see if I can make some people in another country laugh. Otherwise, I'm coming to Nashville and Rochester, New York, and Morris Plains, New Jersey, when I come back. So that's like the announcements for me. The show will keep going. Chitchat Wednesday, I've already taped them all, so Wednesday is all good to go. And sign up for the Patreon. Patreon.com Jared Free. That is like my diary. So I'll have all my stories from Australia on the Patreon. And especially these next few weeks, I'm, you know, I, I bring a pad and a pen everywhere I go, but when I travel, I tend to write. I'm more of a note taker. So I think that these Patreon episodes will be a fun one the next few weeks. Patreon.com Jared Freed and lastly, if you want to be a part of Mailbag Monday, if you're sitting there and you're just dealing with a problem, I don't care what the problem is, anything, send it in. Jtrain podcastmail.com that's jtrain podcastmail.com or you can DM us@jtrain podcast on Instagram. We love a screenshot. No screenshots today. I just got two, you know, nicely sized emails. I got two emails in front of me. Very excited to read through them. I have one ad, so we'll go email ad, email support the sponsors, if they support you. You know, there's so many ways to support this show that can make you feel good about, you know, this podcast and your interaction with it. You can share to your Instagram stories, you can share it with a friend, you can comment, you can review it on Apple or Spotify. They let you comment on Spotify. All those ways I consider support, so. Or if you're not, subscribe if you're new here. So let's get to the emails. Jared Feather Nation. And you a benefits member here. Thank you. I need relationship advice. I'm a 40 year old woman. Me too. I'm a, well, I'm a 40 year old man, but I turned 40 on last Friday, so. Or this Friday was. I'm taping last Friday. I am so screwed up. I just got a haircut and a shave and I was talking to the barber and I'm telling him about my trip coming up and I'm like, okay, I'm leaving on Friday. It's a 23 hour flight. He's like, what day do you get there? And I'm like, you know what? I actually feel dumb with how much it hurts my brain to think of when I'm there and what time it's there and what time is it here? And I know once I get there I'll be better because I'll be like, oh, I can see on Instagram Stories It's 8am Monday that, you know, I, I'll be able to do the math at that point. But going into it, I have no concept. It is so difficult for me to figure this out. So yeah, I'm, I'm, I am. This is all to say I am also 40. I'm a 40 year old woman, twice divorced with two kids. I'm dating a 30 year old man, never married, no kids. We've been together on and off a year and a half. Okay. We've been having discussions about the future of our relationship and him moving in. The difficult part is his parents. I've never met them. There's a lot of trauma in the family and his parents have been affected. I'm aware of regular arguments and almost verbally abusive behavior towards my boyfriend. Well, I'm sorry that's happening to your boyfriend and I'm, I'm sorry that you're, you are a part of that. You, you know, you have to deal with your boyfriend and you know, probably, you know, care for him and his well being and you know, his problems become your problems and honestly that's hard to deal with when he's keeping you at arm's length. You know, when you're not getting to meet these parents where you're only hearing his side of the story and third hand information. You don't know the dynamic. I, I don't know. I'm not apologizing for the parents. I'm just saying when you're, when you have no relationship with them and he's just reporting to you and it's, I'm sure it's difficult to help. I mean, when I read that, you know, he won't introduce me to his parents and he's telling me they're being, you know, they're verbally abusive to him. Hey, have you, is he, you know, question one, Is he seeking professional help? Is he talking to someone? Because this is plain and simple. When you say verbally abusive to me, then okay, I can't if you're coming to me with it. I can only help so much because you won't introduce me to them. I, you know, again, I only have so many tools. It's just like me when you write in here. I only have so many tools. I can give you perspective, I can make fun of your problem and then have, and laugh at it and we can have a good time and I can give you my honest answer, but I'm not a professional. So isn't this person writing in. So that's paragraph one. And so these are just my thoughts hearing the particular situation. I would also say you're talking about moving in and you've just things that stick out to me. We've been together on and off a Year and a half. So this hasn't been a love affair that's just gone up and up and up and let's go to the move in. It hasn't gone that way. So let's admit to that. Parent issues are not, you know, you have a relationship that you're on and off and you have two kids that you have to worry about and you're having someone move in and it seems as though when, you know, he won't his life. I'm not going to say it's easy, but it's, it's, it has a more simple. You know, it's the parents and him and yeah, they stink and he has issues with them, but it's, it's not divorced twice with two kids, you know, you have d. A dynamic that is. I don't know, maybe I'm being. I'm just saying he can go to a professional therapist or go to a family therapy thing if he really cares about report repairing the relationship with the parents and then deal with moving in with you on a. Is kind of like a side story to all that. The idea that you're like, hey, I'm with my on again, off again boyfriend and he might move in. But also I've never met his parents and he won't let me talk to them and they're borderline abuse or they're verbally abusive. I, I go, we don't. I, I don' if we're connecting, connecting all these things makes sense to me. So she writes. He recently told me that his dad is not supportive of our relationship and thinks he's making a mistake. Okay. I don't think it's fair to him. For him, it's weird to me for him to say that to you and just letting you live with that when you have never met the dad and he doesn't know you and. Okay, but it's weird to say that to you. It's almost like. It's weird to like, involve you, but only on the certain things he wants to involve you with. His dad thinks his 30s should be for getting married and having kids. And if our relationship doesn't work out, he has wasted his time. Well, his dad, really. I, I caught a stray there. His dad thinks I wasted my, my 30s. That's such. Such a narcissistic way to think. Make it all about me. Oh, dad doesn't know what it's like to be in his 30s. No, I'm. But it is, it is quite a statement from his dad. But it's also a Statement getting filtered through this your boyfriend to you. So I'm not saying I don't trust your boyfriend. I'm saying I don't know how this is being said to him. And he's the dad's never met you, he's not supportive of your relationship. His 30s should be for getting married, having kids and if our relationship doesn't work out, he has wasted his time. Marriage and kids are not something that I want necessarily due to my age. Makes me sad that his dad feels this way about me and I don't know how our relationship would move forward without me having a relationship with his parents. Any advice would be appreciated from the 40 year old cradle robber. Well, I read this and I think you have combined two separate issues and I think issue one leads to issue two. Like I think you're trying to do things parallel to one another and I think there's actually a line of events that has to happen. You never mention how your boyfriend feels about having kids. You never mention this, you mention that his father, I mean this is a 30 year old man and he's telling you, well daddy says that if I don't get married and have a kid I can't, I've wasted all my time. It's like well what do you think buddy? You're a 30 year old, you're an adult with a job. Who I am assuming, I guess maybe I shouldn't assume. I don't know if he's financially connected to his parents. He might be, you know what, how much, how much of a, you know, how much does his parents like? Listen, my parents opinions weigh on me. So I'm not going to sit here and say that, that that's an impossibility, that that's something you can tell someone not to care about you. No one could tell me how to feel about my parents opinion on me. I would, it would be hard for me to go. If someone goes well who cares, you're an adult. I would go, well fuck off, I do care. So. But I would say he is to me when you're bringing up your dad not in favor, it is kind of this, I don't trust it. Because he's tell you can't meet the dad, you can't meet the mom and then you're hearing all this through your boyfriend who you've been on and off again with and he's not taking any ownership of an opinion when you don't tell me, you know what is his dad thinks his 30s should be for getting married and having kids. And if our relationship doesn't work out, he's wasted his time. Marriage or kids are not something that I want necessarily due to my age. That is you being an adult saying, I don't necessarily want children. But I. Have you talked. It makes me sad that his dad feels this way about me. And I don't know if our relationship would move forward without me having a relationship with his parents. No, no, no. I don't know. Again, you've mixed up two problems. You have two problems, not one. You write, I don't know how our relationship would move forward without me having a relationship with his parents. I would say the first problem is I don't know how our relationship moves forward unless I know my partner's opinions on what he wants in his future. You didn't write what he wants. And I do believe, and I'm sorry to say this, I know this sounds shitty, because I think that's a. To me, it's him. It's a smokescreen. You know, he is trying to absolve himself of getting. Of having to have an opinion by putting all this on his parents, who he's now made into the boogeyman. Because it goes, first things first, you two need to have a. Have a discussion of what he wants. What he wants. You wrote I. His dad says. And then I. It's so funny to write. His dad thinks we, you know, he might be, you know, wasting his time. And I don't know, you never say what he has told you. So I think it's a. This is all about organization as much as it's an emotional talk. It's organization. First things first. Hey, man, do you want kids? How passionately do you want kids? Have you thought of having kids? Let's stay on one topic. Do you want kids? Are you thinking of having kids? What is your time frame? How do you feel about having another child? Take my situation out of your mind. How do you feel about having a kid? And then put me into your mind. And how do you feel about having a kid with me? Have you thought about that? These are all one step. One. Okay, let's say you guys have this talk about the kids and you say. And it comes to this, not agreement, because I don't think that's, like, how it would work. I think it would go well. I do feel more comfortable knowing how you feel about children. Now you're gonna have to. Now on your side, you're gonna go, do I want to be with someone who's passionately. Who's passion. Passionate about Having their own children. Because you said in your email you wrote I kids are not something that I net want necessarily due to my age. To me, that's not a. That's not a strong answer too. Okay. He says he really wants kids now. Let me think of my life with him and two kids and another kid with us. That's probably not. Maybe it's not for me or wow, I do now I'm thinking of him in a different way then you guys, you know, now you're holding hands and you guys are. Have discussed that issue. Now let's move on to the parents because to me, the dad. I think you and the dad are in the same position and the dad is saying things to the son because of how I think I'm coming to my conclusion right now because. And I know I've gone on. On this email, but I do think it's interesting. The dad is getting wishy washy son and you're getting wishy washy boyfriend. I have empathy for the dad. The dad seeing his son being like, yeah, I'm in this relationship and I'm 30 and she's 40 and she's got two kids and I don't know, we're on again, off again, and I don't know what we're gonna do. And he's probably. And she says she doesn't necessarily want kids and, and so he's. Let's consider the messenger. I feel like I like just like, like a light went off. Consider the messenger. So your messenger is the same one as his parents. So. And again, what, what makes this conversation difficult is that you've been told that they're verbally abusive and so you feel like you probably. I would feel like I don't have the right to say anything. Is it mean that I'm like saying, like, how are you messaging me to them? Obviously they matter to him because he's. He's talking about them to you. So to me, I don't. I think the dad who has been made into this monster, which he may very well be, but he's someone. His son has. His son who's. He's someone whose opinion matters to the. Your boyfriend. So you have to consider that I would say to you that he's going to the dad and saying, well, we're on again, off again. She has a kid, she's got two kids and she's older and I'm not sure what I want. And the dad's going, get out of it. Stop this. I'm hearing you be wishy washy with me and then he's coming to you and going, yeah, you know, my parents aren't really in favor. It's like, well, it's because we don't know what we are. What are you reporting to them? That we are. And that's why this discussion about kids and your future, get away from the parents. If your relationship with him isn't solid, then of course the parents are going to give feedback that sounds like they're not approving of you. And I think this is more about you and him and not about you and the parents. Now let's say you and him, you know, you again, this might need couples therapy. There's a lot going on here. A professional maybe need to may be needed here. But once you and him are set and then the parents discussion happens to me, the parents discussion is a distraction from and it's a distraction that he's bringing about in my opinion, to take the pressure off of him and not make it his fault. Jtrain podcastmail.com, jtrain podcastmail.com, we're sponsored. First date 101. Do not stink. Make sure you're staying fresh with Lume, the whole body deodorant that's safe to use every anywhere. Put Lume on your pits, your feet, even your butt crack to block odor all day long and control it for up to 72 hours. All of Lume's products are baking soda free and paraben free and ph balance for safe use below the waist. I am a Lume user. I just got the spray. It is awesome. I love the spray. I do use the. They have a cream deodorant. They have the. I do the underarm deodorant. It works. It smells like, look at, here are the scents. Toasted coconut, clean tangerine lamb, lavender sage. 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Use code feather15for15off your first purchase@lumideodorant.com that's code feather15@l u M E D E o d o R-A-N-T.com support the show and tell them J Train sent. You smell fresher, stay drier and boost your confidence from head to toe with Lumi. So if you need that stuff, use the code. Help the show by helping yourself. Boom. Let's do another email. J Train, thank you for the excellent podcast and for being you. Well, thank you. I will warn you there may be a long email ahead but you do not have to read the entire email. Don't have to read the entire email on air. I'm looking at the email. It's not that long. I've seen longer. This is actually the perfect length. I'm taking my, my finger, my pointer finger and my thumb and I'm making a little like bracket. It's exactly that size. It's a great email. Great email length. I don't know, I haven't read it yet. I like to read these live with you. First off, I will start with my Monday mailbag submission which you may be able to relate to. Oh, here we go. I'm a 33 year old single woman looking to plan out her vacation travel. Whoa. Love it. Would you like to go on a trip with me? No, but okay, thanks. And she writes. Just kidding. Hahaha. That, that I didn't see. I'm happy I didn't read this yet. Would you like to go on a trip with me? Well, where are you going? Send some pictures maybe you know. No, just kidding. Haha. Continuing on. I'm finally in a stage of my life where I have enough vacation time and disposable income to go on some bucket list trips. Good for you. The only issue is that almost all my friends are in a stage of life where they cannot travel for various reasons. Married, pregnant, recently bought house. I'm talking about this on stage right now and I feel you sister. 33 is when I started kind of doing my own trips like this. I, I think I might have been 35 when I went to Sofra. I'm talking about this on stage right now and I'M going on Friday and if you sign up for Patreon, the coffee with J Train will be about my emotional state going into this trip. It is nerve wracking to go somewhere alone. I'm very lucky to have the shows I actually like. Thank. I'm so thankful that I have comedy to do because it gives me, for me, it's, I listen if you, if you're just going on vacation on your own and I, I give you so much credit because I did it and I was like, what the am I doing here? And then I had shows on my European trip and I, I felt better because it gave me a little bit of like a bearing. But like, listen, I, I'm so, that leaves, so I, I hear this email like speaks to me and I, and I do feel a little odd even with the shows, going to Australia alone. So that leaves me with almost no one to travel with. I refuse to let my life waste away. Well, I don't, I don't think it's a choice between waste away and go on vacation. But I hear what you're saying and, and I'm determined to do some travel, either solo or with a travel group. So I've heard of these travel groups. I think they're worth looking at. It does feel, I mean, to me a travel group is the same as like a dating mixer. Like no one wants to admit to going to a dating mixer, a singles night, you know, whatever that. And we put them on with you up and then you get there and you go, I'm, I actually go, I'm so happy I'm here. And I think a travel group would be the same. But I can't help but feel like a massive loser for being in these circumstances. Listen, I get it. Sign up for Patreon. You'll hear me talk about feeling like a loser all the time. But especially this week. Patreon.com especially last week, if you're listening to this on Monday, I mean, it would only be last week. Patreon.com Jared Freed I, I feel you. I, you're not a loser. I mean, I, I don't know, maybe you're a loser. I, I, I understand where you're coming from. My feelings range between feeling sorry for myself and also telling myself that that is, this is a privileged issue I am lucky to have. No, no, I can't tell you how to feel. Feeling sorry for yourself. I get it. I'm there with you. I don't think that's crazy. Telling myself this is a privileged issue that I'm lucky to have because I still have a mental block that is preventing me from taking action and booking some trips. I hate this privileged issue shit. And I know that makes me sound like a privileged piece of shit, but that's who I am. I am privileged. I admit to that. I'm not you. Having feeling down about traveling alone is your feeling and it is valid. And you know, it's hard to talk about because, like, listen, you go on Instagram every day. You go on the computer, you go on, you see the news, the news is crazy. You see people that are, listen, you can have a great life and still feel down. And I'm, I'm number one person that anyone, listen, so many people would love a day of doing what I do. I do. And every day I'm sitting there like, you know, I go, I have the highs and lows like anyone. So I, I, I just listen, I don't hate that you still feel sorry for yourself. I hate that you're not even letting yourself feel sorry for yourself. It's okay, I, and listen, I hope this helps. I don't know if it helps. Do you have any tips on how I can get over myself and book the trips? Oh, this I can help with. I can't tell you how to feel, but I can tell you how to book a trip. Did you have any of these feelings when you went to France? Of course I did. I have these feelings now and I'm going to Australia with a sold out show in Cindy and I'm, and I have these feelings of like, what the fuck am I doing? Why didn't I, why didn't I commit to anyone to like bring them with me? And why didn't I, what am I gonna do? Be alone and look at my phone? I have a lot of thought of like I'm just being, looking at my phone in a new country. I traveled 23 hours to look at my phone and, and you'd say, well, don't look at your phone, leave it in the hotel room. I can't do that. I'm just, that's, I don't even, I don't even think that's a possibility for me. So I listen, I feel you. I can, I, I want to help you. I want to help myself. But I, I hear you. Did you have any of these feelings when you went to France? Yes. Let me. What was that like for you? Any thoughts or insights would be greatly appreciated. Well, I appreciate your email. It's coming at a, a very, I mean, It's Wednesday the 19th. My birthday is in two days, my 40th birthday. I'm flying by myself to New Zealand. To me, you got to take a trip. Let me. Okay, I'm going to speak. I can't tell you. You're going to feel all of these things. You're going to feel not like you don't deserve it. You're going to feel like. You're going to feel like a loser because you're going alone. You're going to feel, all of you're going to feel excited. You're going to feel like maybe you'll meet someone, maybe you'll meet a friend, maybe you'll. Maybe you'll meet no friends and you're scared of that. You deserve the full range of emotions. Well, let's, let's start with I don't know what, you didn't reference what you do for work or whatever, but how about a little pat on the back for having the ability, you know, you worked on something that got you to this place to be able to take a wonderful trip. That's on your bucket list. Now what would I suggest for you? I would suggest. Well, I said this before. Someone asked a similar question of like, where to go. I would suggest looking into the groups. Yes, you will feel like a loser, but so does everyone doing the group trip. I would suggest also going to a city. Don't do a beach or do a city that has a beach. In my experience, going to the south of France, it was. You don't want to be at a place that is someone's honeymoon. It's just not a good place to meet people. It's not a good place to have the adventure. You want to go to a city. And I would suggest doing food tours. Food tours were awesome for me because it gets you walking around the city. Doesn't matter where you go. It doesn't have to be known for food, but it gets you on this like city walking tour where they're teaching about the food, but it's about the city in general. So it's a good way to do. See a city. This is from. This is what made me happiest when I'm alone. Look up the restaurants. And here's another thing I would suggest. And here's my. If you do the tour group, you don't have to do this, but the tour group I think is worthwhile. I would do the tour group at, you know, in like, I think Italy would probably be a great place for the tour group because it's just like a place People would go. And young people want to go to Italy, I think, like, and if it stayed, like, if you did, like Rome, Florence, Pisa, you know, get all that in on one bus thing, that'd be fun. Now that's one direction. If you do it purely alone. I hired a. I hired a travel agent. And it is very funny to me, the reaction I get to that. Over the Moon Vacations, Allison let me plug them. Let me make sure I do it right. Allison's awesome. And over the Moon Vacations, they're on. It's www.overthemoonvacations.com. they have Instagram. I think they're at over the Moon Vacations. This is me giving a shout out to the travel, to the travel agent business, which feels like it's like gone the way of the dodo bird. It's at over the Moon. No, that's not it. I'm a idiot. Over the Moon. Here it is. Over the Moon Vacations on Instagram. Go follow them. So I didn't know that travel agents still exist. And then over the Moon helped Jordana, Sammy and Aileen with their honeymoons. And then I was going on this trip and then, you know, I reached out to them and I think the first time I didn't really, like, they helped me with the first trip. But then I really zoned in on them and I was like, here's what I want and they get paid from you. And I think the other side, I think they've waived my fee because I talk about them and I'm going to post about them when I go on my trip. But on the other side, they get paid by the hotels and the places they send you. And I think the thought is that they don't, that they're going to send you on the touristy trip. And my feedback to that is they're not going to do that. They're going to give you exactly what you ask for. And if you say you want to be like, amongst the locals, they'll find a local place for you. They will do the research that maybe you don't know how to do or you think you know how to do, but you're not going to do well. So if you're going to go alone, I would say stick to a city. Either do the group or hire the, the travel agent and tell them exactly the types of hotels you want to be in and talk out with them. Treat that person, I would say, as like an advisor. So even if you're sitting here like, I want to do a bucket List, trip. Even if that's it, go dream. Get on the phone and dream with a travel agent. Tell them your budget, what you're looking to spend, and dream with them, because they're gonna have answers to your dream. I want a beach, but I want it to be in the summer, but I want it to be a city. They're gonna go, okay, they're gonna have, like, three places right away, and they're gonna go, this place no one's even going to yet. You're gonna love it. I remember she told me there was a place. She told me it was like. I can't remember the name of it, but it was like she, like, had a place right away that, like, went with what I was talking about. And it was the up and coming place. The place you can get, oh, you know, things are really cheap in this area, but it's getting more expensive in that area. We had her on the podcast. We talked. Actually, there's a J Train episode. Allison came on. She actually talked to us about this, so you can go find it. But listen, so this is all to say, you are heard and seen. As far as the anxiety is concerned, you should take the trip. And here's the other thing. And this is kind of what I've been wrestling with. Like, planning the trip doesn't mean that you don't meet someone along the way that might join you. That could happen. And, like, that's been. Like. My dad's been saying that to me. He's like, over the last few months, he's like, maybe you'll meet someone. They'll come with you. You know, like, and. Because at this point, I'm paying. Like, at that point, I would, like, if I did think back, like, if I did meet someone, I would, like, it's already paid for, it's done. It's. This can be all fun. Like. Like, the. The idea of, like, us splitting, it could. It could have been a good way to go. That's not happening for me. But I'm saying, I think when you're like, I'm wasting my life. No, no, no. You can plan a trip that also, you know, frees you up to. You know, you can. These things can change. You can plan a trip for the summer, and then your life can change, and you can get refunds on the trip, or you can plan a new trip, or you can invite this person on the trip. As far as, like, dating is concerned, you said you're single and all that, so even if that's not even on your mind, Maybe I'm not answering your question, but I'm saying open yourself up to it and stick to a city. You could even do. If I'm to be honest, you could do some like, practice ones. Why don't you do a practice weekend? Like the way I travel, like not many people get the opportunity to see the places that I get to go to. Like I go to Phoenix. Look who's going to Phoenix. You either are going to Phoenix or you're going to Florida. And that's your one trip for the year. Like I get an opportunity to go to these places because work exists. If I'm you and I'm like, I just want to like see what it's like to travel alone. Maybe go to San Francisco direct flight. For most places, major cities stay, you know, stay at the. There's a hotel in San Francisco I love. Where's my. The hotel I like in San Francisco? It's called the, it's right by like the Jeer. The. The Ghirardelli, you know, the Argonaut. It's in a really like Times Square. Like you stay at the Argonaut, which is like near the, the waterfront where it looks like Times Square. It's like, it's in the cheesiest area, but it's like the nicest hotel at like a reasonable rate. But if you walk back from the Argonaut, it's the place they invented the. It's the place they invented the, the. The spiked coffee, the Irish coffee that's right up the street. Then Cobbs is there Cobbs Comedy club which is like a classic fun. Looks like it's out of 80s San Francisco comic Club to go to the show. And then there's Molinari Deli where you can get like the best Italian deli sandwich that I've ever had. And then you keep going towards Little Italy section and you're in like this like you can go to some cool restaurants or you can go to the Marina where it's like young and fun and there's bars to, you know. So I'm saying like if you were to do San Francisco, that's like a practice trip for maybe an abroad trip. And you can see what it's like to go to a city and have some fun alone and see. And that's a low stakes. Maybe you go lower stakes. So this, I'm rambling at this point. Good luck. I hope you find somewhere to go and you do it. I hope you allow yourself to be a little privileged and have this be an issue. Because it is an issue. You gotta go mailbag Monday, back next week, boom.