The Emo Queen: Navigating Subcultures with Jaz Zepatos - CHIT CHAT WEDNESDAY - The JTrain Podcast w Jared Freid

Summary

The JTrain Podcast: Episode Summary

Title: The Emo Queen: Navigating Subcultures with Jazz Zapatos
Host: Jared Freid
Guest: Jazz Zapatos
Release Date: May 28, 2025

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Introduction

In this engaging episode of The JTrain Podcast, host Jared Freid welcomes comedian and Millennial Movie Club co-host Jazz Zapatos for a vibrant discussion that intertwines pop culture, subcultures, and personal relationships. The episode, aptly titled "The Emo Queen: Navigating Subcultures with Jazz Zapatos," delves into topics ranging from nostalgic movie analyses to the complexities of modern dating and open relationships.

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Millennial Movie Club and Nostalgia

[02:56] Jazz Zapatos:
Jazz introduces her podcast, Millennial Movie Club, explaining its focus on movies from the '80s, '90s, and early 2000s. She emphasizes the nostalgia factor, discussing how these films "live in your head" and continue to resonate with audiences today.

[03:44] Jared Freid:
Jared expresses his unfamiliarity with iconic films like The Terminator, setting the stage for a deep dive into movie trivia and behind-the-scenes insights.

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Deep Dive: The Terminator

[04:15] Jazz Zapatos:
Jazz shares intriguing trivia about The Terminator, revealing that Arnold Schwarzenegger was not the original choice for the titular role. The studio initially considered casting O.J. Simpson, deeming him "too nice" for a character meant to embody relentless menace.

[06:07] Jared Freid:
Jared compares James Cameron's evolving career to that of Steven Spielberg, highlighting Cameron's transition from cult classics like Piranhas II to blockbuster hits such as Titanic and Avatar.

Notable Quote:
"The Terminator expert. Emo punk." — [04:51] Jazz Zapatos

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Personal Anecdotes: Anxiety and Mental Health

[07:08] Jazz Zapatos:
Jazz recounts Jared's personal experience with anxiety during a trip to San Antonio, illustrating the profound impact of mental health on daily life and relationships.

[10:00] Jared Freid:
Jared humorously relates Jazz's experience with his own challenges, emphasizing the universal nature of anxiety and the importance of addressing it openly.

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Streaming Era and Movie Consumption

[16:10] Jazz Zapatos:
Jazz critiques the current state of streaming services, arguing that the abundance of content designed to be consumed passively—while multitasking with apps like Instagram—detracts from the immersive experience of traditional movie-watching.

[16:41] Jared Freid:
Jared echoes Jazz's sentiments, lamenting the shift from movies as significant events to background entertainment.

Notable Quote:
"They're being told to make something that people can watch without looking, which is crazy to me." — [16:52] Jazz Zapatos

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Subcultures: Emo, Pop Punk, and Fanime

[22:23] Jazz Zapatos:
Jazz delves into the intersection of subcultures, particularly emo and pop punk, and their influence on personal identity and social interactions. She shares her journey from a theater kid to becoming an online "emo queen," highlighting the viral success of her music parodies.

[24:32] Jazz Zapatos:
Discussing the male-dominated demographics of her following, Jazz explores how shared interests in subcultures like emo punk and fanime can bridge gender divides and foster connections.

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Navigating Modern Dating and Open Relationships

[31:10] Jazz Zapatos:
The conversation shifts to the intricacies of modern dating, particularly focusing on open relationships. Jazz shares her experiences with an open marriage, emphasizing the communication and personal growth that arose from the arrangement.

[34:05] Jared Freid:
Jared supports Jazz's perspective, comparing open relationships to navigating through COVID—challenging but ultimately enriching experiences that foster deeper understanding between partners.

Notable Quote:
"I think a lot of people might look back and be like, well, it didn't work out. So in your face, when in reality, I do think that that brought our relationship farther along." — [32:45] Jazz Zapatos

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Dating Dynamics and Gender Expectations

[25:09] Jazz Zapatos:
Jazz critiques societal expectations that often pressure men to engage in traditionally "guy" activities to connect with women, arguing for a more sincere approach where both partners share and respect each other's interests.

[28:47] Jared Freed:
Jared reflects on how these gendered expectations influence relationship dynamics, sharing his observations from his comedy shows where misconceptions about his persona arise.

Notable Quote:
"People make marriage this huge thing on a checklist that, like, you have to mark off by a certain time." — [39:11] Jazz Zapatos

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Anecdotal Insights: Serendipitous Love

[40:22] Jared Freid & Jazz Zapatos:
In a humorous and heartwarming exchange, Jazz narrates how a friend's dream led her to meet her current partner, underscoring the unpredictable nature of love and the importance of being open to unconventional paths to connection.

[43:48] Jared Freid:
Jared adds his unique take on the story, suggesting the idea of friends facilitating serendipitous meetings based on dreams, blending humor with a touch of romantic idealism.

Notable Quote:
"If someone has a dream about you on a date with their friend, just go check it out." — [42:07] Jazz Zapatos

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Conclusion

The episode wraps up with both hosts encouraging listeners to engage with Jazz's projects, including her Millennial Movie Club podcast and her upcoming Honest Disney Princess Tour. They reflect on the depth and breadth of their conversation, highlighting the seamless blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful commentary on cultural trends and relationship dynamics.

Final Notable Quote:
"Look up from your phone. Look up from your... say yes." — [43:53] Jared Freid

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Key Takeaways:

• Nostalgia's Power: Assessing how nostalgic media continues to influence and resonate with modern audiences.
• Subculture Integration: Understanding the role of subcultures like emo punk and fanime in shaping personal identities and fostering community connections.
• Modern Relationships: Exploring the complexities of open relationships and the impact of societal expectations on dating dynamics.
• Content Consumption Evolution: Critiquing the shift in content consumption habits in the streaming era and its effects on audience engagement.
• Serendipity in Love: Embracing unconventional paths and the role of fate or chance encounters in forming meaningful relationships.

This episode offers a rich tapestry of discussions that are both entertaining and thought-provoking, making it a must-listen for fans of pop culture, comedy, and insightful relationship conversations.

Transcript

[Jared Freed]

Chit Chat Wednesday for you to listen to. I have a guess who will be your new boo. You're gonna love them too. Chit Chat Wednesday. I hope you're having a good day today. I hope it's gonna be a perfect week, too. I hope you have a nice poo. It's a ch. Chit Chat Wednesday, too. Hello, and welcome to the J Train Podcast. It's a chit Chat Wednesday, and today's guest is Jazz Zapatos. She has a podcast about movies from the 90s and 80s and 2000. Like, millennial movies, the ones that, like, live in your head, and every time you turn on the TV and you see one on, you're like, I gotta finish this movie. So we talk about movies a lot and nostalgia, and then towards the end, we talk about Jazz and her relationship and how she met the guy she's living with through, like, a random kind of friend who said they had a dream about them dating, which I just think is hilarious and awesome. And this is a really nice conversation. We work together on the Betrayer podcast over at Baches, and now she's doing comedy on her own. So go, go, go follow Jazz. She's so funny. And enjoy today's episode. Boom. Hello, and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming to you live from San Jose, California. That's right, every Wednesday is a Chit Chat Wednesday where I chit chat with a friend, a comedian, or an expert. Today, I think we have all three. We have a friend, a comedian, and an expert in many things, but two of them being millennial movies and pop punk.

[Jazz Zapatos]

That's right.

[Jared Freed]

Jazz Apatos, thank you for coming on the show. How are you?

[Jazz Zapatos]

Thanks so much for having me, Jay Train. I miss you, buddy. I mean, being on the mics together before, we had a laugh, and I'm excited to do it again today.

[Jared Freed]

It's Long time no see what's been going on with you. Where are you coming from? Give us the you know. And everyone should go follow Jazz at jazz underscore zap with 2Ps on the gram and on all platforms, I'm sure. So go follow. She has a podcast, Millennial Movie Club. Explain Millennial Mo Club for the people that are listening and watching on YouTube.

[Jazz Zapatos]

I will. I'm. I'm sitting in my. In my living room in Manhattan where I literally just finished recording an episode. I just. My dog has been so annoyed with me being on the mic all day, clearly. But I want some attention. He wants some attention. But we record it Here, if I turn my screen, you would see, like, a full production studio that we set up every day with the lights and the three cameras and all the things. Uh, but we do a weekly podcast where we talk about a movie from 80s, 90s, early 2000s, sort of like right in that millennial nostalgia pocket. And we talk about the. How the movie was made. We do fun facts about the film. We read some of the wildest reviews we can find about the film.

[Jared Freed]

Give me the. What is the movie you did today?

[Jazz Zapatos]

Today we did the Terminator.

[Jared Freed]

I don't think I've ever seen Terminator, now that you mention it.

[Jazz Zapatos]

You know, I had not either. And I think a lot of people might think that they've seen it or especially the first one, and they haven't. And I gotta say, the effects. Well, something that struck me to my core when I first started watching was this film was made in the 80s, which is 50 years ago.

[Jared Freed]

50.

[Jazz Zapatos]

It's really upsetting.

[Jared Freed]

Um, I also. I. I think I know one fun fact about the Terminator is that it wasn't supposed to be the Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle. That it was like. It was kind of a Steve Urkel scenario where the big, you know, Steve Urkel was supposed to be this, like, bit part on Family Matters, and then he became the show. And I think. Is that kind of what happened with Arnold?

[Jazz Zapatos]

Yes. So what's funny is because I now I know everything there is to know about.

[Jared Freed]

Sure, you're the expert now.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Yeah. One more thing on the list, please. When you put my bio in the description.

[Jared Freed]

Terminator expert. Emo punk.

[Jazz Zapatos]

That's right. All the most important things.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jazz Zapatos]

All the things that will make you a lot of money.

[Jared Freed]

How'd she get her first billion? I think it was emo pop. Terminator trivia is.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Yeah, probably that.

[Jared Freed]

That.

[Jazz Zapatos]

That one night. That one weird bar night somewhere. So actually, the studio wanted to cast Arnold as Kyle Reese, the other character who comes back to save her.

[Jared Freed]

Okay.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Not as the Terminator. And they wanted O.J. simpson to play the Terminator. And then they decided against that because it seemed too nice. He seemed, like too nice of a guy, and it was not realistic that he could possibly kill a young white woman.

[Jared Freed]

OJ Was too nice. This is the most ironic thing of all time.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Yes, it is. And so. But James Cameron was super against having Arnold in that role. He wanted somebody who is a little bit different, more sensitive, a more sensitive type, somebody, you know, that Sarah could fall in love with. And we have to remember, James Cameron was just at the beginning of his career he had done the only thing he had directed before this was piranhas too. So.

[Jared Freed]

Well, James Cameron also like, you know, he's Titanic guy and then he becomes Avatar Aliens, but he's really sci fi guy. Like you know, like I think Titanic probably like gives him a different. You know, they talk about the first paragraph of your, of your obituary like what, what gets written about you and like his is Titanic and then it becomes like seven other movies. Like James Cameron was like Steven Spielberg and him like kind of similar and you wouldn't think of it that way. Maybe now.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Yeah, definitely not. P.S. what's in your paragraph in your obituary? What do you think people are saying?

[Jared Freed]

Generous cuddler would be Jared Freed Generous cuddler, famous for complaining about his body to no ends and self deprecating humor has passed of too many farts that would be the most likely.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Suffocated in his own hotel room on tour.

[Jared Freed]

Right. That, that I think that's. I think about dying on the road all the time. I, I don't know why. It is like a very dark thought. And it started, I'll never forget when I started having that thought. It was in San Antonio and I remember I did LOL comedy club in San Antonio, which I haven't been back to in a long time.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Too much trauma associated.

[Jared Freed]

Well, I do want to go back because I think San Antonio is like a fun time. If you know where to stay. This like, you know where you stay matters and like hotels and you know this like you go away and you go like I unpack when I get to a place. But San Antonio, I remember I did like a Wednesday and I had did a Sunday show and in between I was opening for someone else. So it was like I was there for like a longer time than maybe you want to be away from home. Like when you do a weekend somewhere. Like I'm, I'm in San Jose Friday, Saturday leave Sunday. Long flight, but in and out, you can get through it. It's, you know, I'll run up a mountain and I'll be done. This was like a long time. And I remember getting. This is a really weird decision to talk about this, but I remember having kind of like shortness of breath, heart palpitation type of like I'd never gotten anxiety attacks. I started getting anxiety attacks for some reason and I was like, oh my God, I'm gonna die here. And I kept thinking of, I would look out the window and it was all highway. Like San Antonio, if you stay like you know, hotel that a comedy club puts you up in.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Just. And the highways in San Antonio, for some reason, just all levels, like, it just kept going. It was like one of those things where it had, like. It was like 30 levels. It just went high into the sky. And I remember looking at that. I'm like, man, I'm gonna die next to this highway. And then my parents would have to come, like, retrieve me.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

And my mom would be like, what was. And I just have this imagination like this. You know, you imagine what your mom would say. I just kept thinking of her. What. What was he doing here? Look at the highway. Like, I just imagine my mom complaining about the place that I passed.

[Jazz Zapatos]

He's clean. He didn't make the bed. There's still a pizza box here, right?

[Jared Freed]

This is what made you die. You know, like, her blaming me.

[Jazz Zapatos]

She's still scolding you in the grave.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. Above. Above the bed. In. In the, you know, the red roof. In. Plus being, like, watching me get yelled at. My dead body as a watching on YouTube ghost.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Yeah. You kind of hope that, like, when you go out, it's not in the most embarrassing way possible. Like, I had a similar situation where I don't really smoke weed because it makes me very anxious.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Which I didn't know. And I was trying to be very cool at, like, the one music festival I went to in my 20s, one that I wasn't working at. And I. Am I allowed to talk about this on the pod? Is that okay?

[Jared Freed]

Why wouldn't you be able to talk about this?

[Jazz Zapatos]

I don't know. I don't know your weed story.

[Jared Freed]

What do we need? North Korea.

[Jazz Zapatos]

I, like, people were passing around a blunt, and I was like, I'll be cool. I did it right. The whole zoom. Yeah. This is. This is how I die. I. I immediately, like, I was like, I think I'm gonna faint. And my friend was like, no, you're not. You're just, you know, it's just. You're just starting to feel good. And I blacked out, hit the ground, and then came to and, like, totally was having a panic attack. But I remember sitting on the ground, like, people were just, like, shoving kind bars into my mouth and just, like, looking out. I was on the ground at a music festival, so I was looking out, and all I could see was, like, miles and miles of feet. And I just remember being like, I cannot die here. This is also, like. This is like, the first time I've ever done drugs, and I can't. I've done too much cool in my life to be like, just another girl who dies at a music festival from doing drugs. Like, that's so basic from weed too.

[Jared Freed]

Like, what a nerd from weed.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, I can't be this basic of a in my debt. Like, you know, I got to.

[Jared Freed]

I guess I. I would assume everyone has their story of like, oh, my God, I can't die here.

[Jazz Zapatos]

I cannot die here. And maybe that's the will that. That pulls you out of your panic attack.

[Jared Freed]

That's what gets you out of your. Your weed freakout. So what are the other movie. What's a movie that you did that you were like, I'm so happy I went back and looked at this movie?

[Jazz Zapatos]

That's a really good question. Because there are some movies that I'm. I'm happy and in different ways. Like, one some. I'll be like, I'm so stoked. This held up. Like, I love this movie growing up and I still love it now. And then there are some movies that you go back and watch and you go off like, I'm glad I went back so that I'm no longer, like, being like, I love that movie. Like, I'm no longer being so. Oh, I've Never Been Kissed is such a romantic rom com. Really. Oh, man. It's a tough watch today, right?

[Jared Freed]

Never Been Kissed is one of those where as an adult, because what you end up doing is seeing yourself through. You. You see the characters through the age you are when you watch it, you know, and that can be good and bad, you know, never been cast. You're like, oh, they're like, working there. That's me. That Drew Barrymore is me at the magazine. You know, like, David, whatever was it. Who's the. The brother. He's the weirdest one.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Oh, yeah. Who used to be married to Courtney Cox.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Dave. His name is Dave.

[Jared Freed]

Dave from Scream. He. His part is the weirdest. His is the one where you go, dude, people need. There needs to be an intervention for you at the end of this movie. Because he, like, coaches. He. He's like playing on the team. And he's the star athlete the high school girls.

[Jazz Zapatos]

And he's like, and we all know this guy. Yeah, we all know this guy in real life. And it's nowhere near as like cute and fun and likable as he is portrayed.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. What's a movie that worked again?

[Jazz Zapatos]

A movie that worked again, I will say. Speaking of Scream, Okay. Scream was. Scream was a great one. And I had never Seen it before because I don't do a lot of scary. I can't. I'm a little. And I can't handle it. But it was Halloween season and we were like, we got to do some scary. We got to be right. You know, we got to be well rounded. And so. But I watched Scream, and I was actually so impressed because it is a scary movie, but it is also like a commentary on scary movies. The whole thing is commenting on itself. So it was. It was smart and, like, campy in the way that you kind of want those movies to be. Like it was. And it was. And it was scary. Like, it was gross. It was. It was thrilling.

[Jared Freed]

Right? The Scream was one of those. It wasn't like a comedy as much as it was like a look at us, look in the mirror movie. That's why when they try to do a bunch of them, it's hard to do that over and over again. Like, that was really a one off that, like, yeah, got to, you know, got too much success. And they're like, we got to do this again.

[Jazz Zapatos]

And now they're still making them. And now it's like, now you're the movies that you were making fun of because now you've become, like, super obvious and formulaic and like, just slashing for the sake of slashing. Where.

[Jared Freed]

What's. What's a ROM com? We don't hear about that. You did that. You were like, we got. You gotta. Why don't we hear more about this one? Because that's the one we get kind of served the same ROM coms. Like, we kind of get served those same ones over and over again. It's like, we all know them. We. And then you go, you know, I think the big thing with movies for me is like, get me off of my algorithm. Like, that's the hardest thing in the world with, like, this whole streaming age. Cause I. What's going to happen after we're done here is I'm. I'm. I'm exhausted from my flight. So I'm like, okay, we're going to do this. We'll do chit chat Wednesday. We'll say goodbye. I'll turn off the computer, I'll get into bed, and I'll be like, okay, what am I doing? And it will start with, like, trying to watch Nathan for you and. Or not Nathan for you. Nathan the rehearsal. Nathan Fiedler.

[Jazz Zapatos]

That's all. That's already, like, a pretty. You're taking on a lot when you're tired after a flight. Because I feel like, that requires an amount of mental work. Like.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jazz Zapatos]

It's brilliant, but it's not an easygoing watch.

[Jared Freed]

But that's where I'm gonna start, because I'll start with Nathan Fiedler thinking, I'll watch the rehearsal. I've been trying to watch this. I'll get five minutes, and I'll be like, jared, this is too much. This isn't happening right now. And then straight to Marvel movies that. And then I'll just like a movie that I've seen that I can kind of like, pass out to. And I'm like, yeah, there are moments where I do, like, the Google. Do you ever do the Google where you're like. You're like, movies that are popular right now just so you can, like, find something that you didn't even know, you know, you just want to, like, get something.

[Jazz Zapatos]

I do it constantly for the podcast. I do it. Yeah. I mean, because. And here's the thing. I think we're in an age, like you said, with streaming, where half the time we're at home. We're so tired from everything else going on and from being blasted by information from every other device that we have in our hand that typically we're putting on something that is not going to require a ton of brain power from us. It's going to be something we can watch while also scrolling Instagram or swiping on a dating app, which is why, like, going to the movies was, like an event.

[Jared Freed]

Right?

[Jazz Zapatos]

That was the thing. And it was the thing you were excited to go do.

[Jared Freed]

And.

[Jazz Zapatos]

And now it's kind of just like a. What can I do that's going to make me feel like I'm doing something while I am on my phone?

[Jared Freed]

It is a side dish. It's a main being eaten as a side. You're right.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Yeah. It is like, they are making content now. Like, people who make movies and TV shows are being told to make something that people can watch without looking, which is crazy to me. This is real. Really? This is real. They're saying, what can people successfully watch and want to watch? Because there are shows where it's like, well, if this show's going to be mostly subtitles or something, you know, like, no matter how good it is, I'm not going to be able to follow it because I'm not going to be looking at my screen.

[Jared Freed]

I don't like that.

[Jazz Zapatos]

I don't like that.

[Jared Freed]

There is. There's nothing good about starting with what do people want? There's just nothing good. Nothing good comes out of that.

[Jazz Zapatos]

I can't believe you just said that, Jared, because we just finished this episode by reading a quote from the producer of the Terminator, who also would go on to produce, like, Alien and all these other things with James Cameron. And she was saying, never try to chase your audience. You have to do what you do and your audience will find you. But if you're always trying to chase your audience, you will always be one step behind.

[Jared Freed]

Absolutely. And. And especially you'll do it like, okay, like, you're gonna do you great because you want to do it. Oh, your whole body will be put into it. It's. Yeah, it's something you gotta like, especially right now, like, with, like, the algorithm age and all those things. Like, yeah, you kind of just see a lot of people. Like, like, I. It was funny. Like, I just posted that there should be a podcast. I was like, fucking around on Twitter and threads and I was like, there should be a podcast where. Called make this Make It Make Sense where we interview. I interview people about what they. How they make their money. Like, and it was like, it. But. But in my mind, make it make sense would be influencers that I know aren't making the money to afford the life I'm watching.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Yep.

[Jared Freed]

So, like, it makes it make sense to me that you are splitting your time between, you know, Florida and New York. Make that make sense. Based on what I know about the economy of money that comes in from being on the, you know, on your phone, pimping shit out. And it's like, I put that out there, then it got on threads. It, like, got a bunch of likes. So then people, I don't, you know, they don't know me or, you know, responding, and they're like, so you're going to copy? You know, so and so. And I was like, no, no, I didn't.

[Jazz Zapatos]

No, I didn't.

[Jared Freed]

And. And I look up the guy that they mentioned, and I've seen the guy, he's in commercials for, like, personal finance. And I'm like, oh, I think he interviews people about their personal finances. I think he probably, like, does like a how can we, like, get you guys saving type of show.

[Jazz Zapatos]

I don't know.

[Jared Freed]

I didn't look deeper than that, but I was like, no, I have this, like, oh, like, the idea I have is from a place of good.

[Jazz Zapatos]

And if it's being your own curiosity.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jazz Zapatos]

What it is, and if you're curious about something, then nine times out of 10, somebody else is going to want to know the same thing.

[Jared Freed]

Totally. And I'M going to do it my way. I'm not going to do it the way I saw it done before the. Because I came from a place of like, oh, I think it'd be interesting to talk to not normal people. I want to talk to influencers. I want to see the person. I saw their vacation. They. I looked at the hotel. It was 1500 a night. Come on over, make it make sense.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Like, do you think I made a movie podcast thinking like, this will be the first one.

[Jared Freed]

Right, Right.

[Jazz Zapatos]

People, people buy into your brand. People listen to the podcast because it's me and it's my co host, Jackson, and they start the same way. Like, there are a dozen Bachelor Nation podcasts. It's just like you make friends with your host. You find the host that you relate to the most who are asking the questions that you want the answers to. It's like, so based on inventing the wheel.

[Jared Freed]

No. And based on that. Let me ask you a question because I thought about you earlier. I check into my hotel and there's a fanime conference going on in San Jose.

[Jazz Zapatos]

You think they did that on purpose for you?

[Jared Freed]

I. It kind of felt like because I got here and there's a bunch of nymphs and there's elves and people with ears and.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Yeah. Are you sure this isn't like a porn convention for.

[Jared Freed]

I asked. I go. I go, is it? I go, what's going on here? They're like fanime. And I don't even feel comfortable saying fanime. Like, I don't know what that even.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Like, I'm like, but anime. But still, like, what? But that to me says it's different than just an anime convention.

[Jared Freed]

Right? It's got to be bigger. It's all of it.

[Jazz Zapatos]

This seems like like a singles event almost.

[Jared Freed]

Well, that was the other thing. You know, people are dressed up too. Like, they are in.

[Jazz Zapatos]

But why were you thinking of me?

[Jared Freed]

Saw this. But you're in. I feel like is is. You know, when I hear pop punk and emo punk, that to me, like, these two worlds are next door neighbors to me. Like, the idea of going to a place and dressing the part. Like, you go to these events and you dress the emo part. Like, in the same way that these people who are like, you just let out a loud accent. I'm sorry, I was.

[Jazz Zapatos]

No, no, no.

[Jared Freed]

You were on the calendar. So you came to my. I'm just saying, like, when I saw them with like a big staff and Gandalf beard and like, you know, the women are all like, they're, they're all dressed like they're going to battle, you.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Know, of some kind, like, in that regard. Like, they're both subcultures, right? Like anything else. Like, the same way I'm trying to think of, like, anything else, but, you know, I would say, yeah, one is like, they're all 10 content genres that people, like, can sort of revolve an identity around. And what's funniest about this for me is that, like, I grew up being an actor. I was a theater kid. I was, you know, I got started getting into comedy and all of that. And a big part of that for me was musical comedy. I would. I've been doing music parodies for a decade. And for some reason, I made a very silly lo fi, low effort video in my bed of, like, me doing a parody of what these pop punk bands used to sound like in the early 2000s. Specifically the dude frontman of these bands just basically being like, she made out with my best friend at the skateboard skate show. And like, that's what every single song sounded like back then. But we all were living for it. We all. I say lightly in the community.

[Jared Freed]

Were you a big fan back in high school? Was this, like, your worldly.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Yes. Like, I grew up. So I grew up in South Florida, which the emo scene there was very, like, pop punk, skate parks, surf culture, and like, a lot of bands, like, I went to the same high school as Newfound Glory. Like, a lot of the bands of the scene came, came from that area and I made this video and it blew up. And suddenly, like, overnight, I became emo girl online. And so, which is funny because, like, I, again, I was so into it back then. Like, I've. I've got the knowledge around it, obviously, but suddenly I was like, niched into this place where people were like, you're our emo queen. And I, I was not even the one that had been going to concerts in, like, a decade. I, you know, I started getting asked to go to these festivals and doing content. And so I had to, like, buy new clothes. I had to, like, buy.

[Jared Freed]

So, you know, let me, let me ask you this whole world, like, to me, like, the similarity between, like, emo world and video game world and, you know, fanime, and these all seem like things like nerdy men get into. And then when they find out that a woman likes it, they are, like, so excited because now they have something to connect about that they can be kind of experts in. And now I can talk to a woman. I never thought I could Talk to before. Is that, like, part of it?

[Jazz Zapatos]

I think that's probably a huge part of it. Because I will say my following has grown a lot since then. And I, When I look at my. When I look at my. All the statistics behind your following and all that, it's a lot of dudes. It's more dudes that I, I. All the time I'm trying to be like, girly, girly, pops, come on over. Like, it's all good over here, but it's a lot of dudes being like, you're into what I'm into, and you're funny and you're hot, but still, still approachable, right? So it's like, you know, I get a lot of. I get a lot of dms of guys just being like, let me just marry you. Let me just take you up for dinner. And. Which is very kind, but also like.

[Jared Freed]

Well, when women ask, where are the men? Like, you know that. That is a subject that comes up on you up a lot.

[Jazz Zapatos]

They're on my page.

[Jared Freed]

They're on your page.

[Jazz Zapatos]

They're in my inbox. I will send them to you.

[Jared Freed]

You got a few you can siphon off to someone. But I, I, when I get that question, I'm always like. Because I'm like, well, where am I? Like, I'm the man. You know, whatever, right? And then I.

[Jazz Zapatos]

You're doing what you're. What you're doing. Waiting. I don't want to say you, but the general you, like, you're doing what you're doing in your world, whether that's the video games or the anime or whatever, looking around for women that relate to you. But I want to ask you, Jared, like, is there ever a time where you think men are doing something that they generally take an interest in? Not because that, that typically is something that a woman would like, not because they're trying to find women.

[Jared Freed]

No, you're. You're absolutely right. Even as you're saying it, I was like, thinking to myself, that's a great point. Because, and maybe because, like, just men generally are not like, a part of their pie chart. Isn't I need to find someone, Right? You know, like, and I think, like, that always plays. That always. That generally plays into a lot of women's, like, pie chart of, like, what am I doing today? You know, it's like, well, I gotta play my video games. I gotta play. And then, like, women are like, well, I gotta, like, make sure that I'm safe with someone. I don't know that that's maybe an old way of thinking. But I do think it has something. It makes some sense because I'm like. Because I was thinking, like, what if I went like, let's talk about the Bachelor. Like, getting into the Bachelor is like, I have fun making fun of the Bachelor. The fact that women are involved in that world isn't, like, a surprise to me. I knew that, but it wasn't, like. It wasn't as thought out.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Like, okay, you didn't get into it to pick up chicks, right?

[Jared Freed]

I've been watching reality TV since, like, literally, like, since I had a tv. Like, I've watched. I've watched everything a little bit, you.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Know, But I think this is part of just the way, like, society has been structured not to be all, like, wokey jokey on you. But from the time I was a kid, it was very much like the whole premise of, like, the guy's girl. The, like, oh, I'm not like, these other girls, guys. Like, I'm cool. Like, I can play kickball with you. Or, like, I know these Pokemon names, too. It's like, it. There was always this impetus to be like, I'm not drama. I'm not too girly, right? And it was this. And I don't know if this comes from, like, survival, needing. Needing to survive as women, like, a million years ago, or, like, get the most successful man so you can move out of your father's house. I don't know where it comes from, but that was me as a kid, like, hardcore. I was the guy's girl. Girl. I was the one that was like, I just get along better with guys. But, you know, eventually that comes to bite you in the butt a little bit when, like, all your friends want to touch your boobies. And you have to navigate that, right?

[Jared Freed]

It's. It's so weird, you know, talking this out. You're just like, like, I'm thinking about this. And you're like, like, there is, you know, and again, like, this is why, like, you know, if a guy was like, I'm. You know, I. I get this a lot from, like, people who used to come to my shows. Their girlfriend would bring, you know, them to a show, and they'd be like, if I don't know, a comedian, then they don't exist, this guy. And my. If my girlfriend knows the comedian, he must be lying to her in some way. That's kind of like the. The vibe I would get. And then I would do the show, and I wouldn't, you know, do anything but what I was doing. And they go, oh, oh, right.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Yeah, right. Jared Free, the women's comedian.

[Jared Freed]

Right. I guess so, you know, like. And I could. I could kind of see that they would have this. Like, I would think I was helping the relate. I like, at its core, maybe I'm helping this relationship where they're like, they could see their girlfriend in a new way. Oh, she gets it. Like, I. Even though that's like, kind of demeaning. Like, I, like, it's like, kind of stupid.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Yeah. But I wonder too, if it's like, you know, because there are a lot of guys that go, oh, I know this great comedian. I'll take you on a date. Because I know comedy. I wonder. I'm sure this is a thing, but I just. Because I feel like we assume or what we know of in the Zeitgeist is guys being like, okay, okay, girl, this year, like, we're going to get you into the Bears. Like, this year, like, we're going to get you. You know, you're going to love it once you understand the game. You're going to be an Eagles fan once you really get it. And I'll explain it to you, babe. Don't worry about it. As opposed to being like, hey, can you, like, teach me how to understand this thing that you really like doing? And then maybe we can do together? And I do think some of this does happen around reality tv where a woman will rope her boyfriend into being really invested in the Bachelor. Or, you know, I feel like sometimes we do this around tv, but I'm trying to think of other things where it's like, you really like yoga. Like, I'll start going to classes with you. And maybe, you know, I don't know.

[Jared Freed]

That's almost like that. That's almost a rom com premise in itself.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Like, but it also seems insincere. It seems.

[Jared Freed]

It does seem insincere. Like the, Like, I guess the rom com would be athlete who gets injured, has to go to yoga and falls inside. Right. Falls in love. At first he's a dick. And then falls in love with the yoga teacher who teaches him how to do, like, mindfulness. My. Right.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Let go of his. Let go of his earthly. What do they call it? Like, stop worrying about your possessions.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jazz Zapatos]

You know, he misses the.

[Jared Freed]

The big game to go to, you know, the. The dance recital because he became into dancing through her. I don't know.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

It does feel rom comy and less truthful, you know, so. Okay, so I gotta ask you before we go, we got so much to. To go When I met you.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

We're gonna talk about dating a little bit. When I met you, you were married and in an open relationship.

[Jazz Zapatos]

That's the truth.

[Jared Freed]

And then you got divorced.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

And then you were single for a hot second, and now you're moved into someone.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Seemed like that.

[Jared Freed]

It was like, nothing to me. So.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Girl doesn't stay on the market very long, gentlemen.

[Jared Freed]

No, she does. There's a lot of DM, a lot of men in the DMs who, you know, want to discuss emo punk. So when you looking, you came on the U up to talk about open relationships.

[Jazz Zapatos]

I did.

[Jared Freed]

And I remember there was some feedback of, like. Like, especially from a dating podcast, when you hear someone who has someone.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

And then they're like, I'm out there dating and getting dates. As you were.

[Jazz Zapatos]

People are like, leave them to us.

[Jared Freed]

Right? Like, like, what the fuck? There was a scarcity mindset, I guess. What. How do you look back on being in an open relationship? Would you ever do that again? Was that, like, kind of not. Do you look back on it differently?

[Jazz Zapatos]

So I think here's what I said then and. And I'll say it again now, because it's true that that podcast episode got so much. Like, there were people who are like, thank you so much for breaking this down for me in a way that I understand. That makes sense to me. And then there were people that were like, these people are so selfish. Or there were people that were like, finding my now ex husband and sliding into his DMs and being like, you deserve so much better, bro. Like, oh, come on. As if he wasn't also, like, going out and doing what he.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jazz Zapatos]

So here's what I'll say about that. That was the. The right situation for us. And I do think. I think a lot of people might look back and be like, well, it didn't work out. So in your face, when in reality, I do think that that brought our relationship farther along than it probably would have gone if we did it. And it also brought us closer and it, like, helped us communicate in ways that we didn't know how to before. What. What ended up separating us actually had nothing to do with that. It was like, just about, like, wanting different things in life in terms of, like, where we wanted to live, living in New York, my career, timeline on kids, certain things like that. I felt like that was like, a really great part of our relationship. Now, granted, it. It gets complicated. Every relationship is complicated, no matter what. Now, do I think I could do that with My current partner. No, I don't.

[Jared Freed]

To, to, not to interrupt, but to back you up a little bit, I would say going into an open relationship with a partner would be like Covid. Like, if you want to make it about something a little different, like you go one way or the other, but it gets you there quicker. So like, it's like you guys go to an open relationship. Like you said, communication is now better because it's necessary. Things aren't being swept under the rug. Like, I can understand that's like a reasonable, you know, and, and I think with dating stuff, the way when people do this to me and they do this to everyone with dating conversations, they try to cut people off at the knees. People don't want to discuss with you. They want to be right. And if someone, they want it to be their way, right. And if someone wants to be right, they can be right. If they say, if they can create the rules where, well, it didn't work out, so it's a failure. It's like, no, no, I can look at that any other way and go, no, it's a win that I'm not married to someone that before we ended up having kids and we were able to have those conversations about time because that stuff came up.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Like I, I hear yes. And I also, I learned so much about what I, you know, getting to be honest, getting the opportunity to date while married put me in situations that I would with men that I never would have been in otherwise, where there was something about. And I don't, this isn't a great thing, but men who dated me, knowing there was like a sense of safety around the fact that I wasn't going to try to trap them into a relationship or marry them, they were way more open and honest with me. Like, I was experiencing like a level of intimacy with them that was really eye opening for me. I was learning things about myself. I was learning about things that I wanted in my next relationships, you know, or, or reasons why. Like, I didn't know if my marriage was going to go the distance. And to be honest, what was kind of a slap in the face was I was the same girl going out on dates after I got separated and divorced, but the fact that I wasn't married anymore, men treated me differently. They held me at arm's length again, which was really jarring. Actually.

[Jared Freed]

It's interesting, it's an interesting study because I agree with those guys. Like, if I, you know, if I'm dating someone in an old marriage, great. We get to have all the Fun. Never really think of the future. It's the way a lot of men generally want to date or. Or how they do date. Well, you know, where you go. And again, a lot of people take it personally. Like, you haven't thought about what the next step is. It's like, I've thought ish. You know, Like, I. I haven't really thought maybe in the way you'd like me to be thinking about that. And when you're dating someone who's in a. In a committed relationship, you go, all right, good. I can. I can think two steps ahead, not 20.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Right, right. And I understand, you know, wanting to be respectful of people's times, depending on what people want. If there's somebody who's like, I want to be married in a year, I want kids in two years, or whatever.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jazz Zapatos]

I totally get that. However, I do think it's a bit of a shame for people to hold back the majority of themselves with the fear of enjoying each other too much, of getting into something, of falling in love. And granted, it doesn't always work out. It's not supposed to always work out, but at least you got the full experience of what it's like to be your full self with that person. You know what I mean?

[Jared Freed]

Easier said than done. I agree with you. Like, I mean, like, that's the story of my life. Like, let me hold back because I want to make the decision for me instead of being, you know, And I think that happens as you get older, you get safer. You know, when I was younger, I was sleeping at women's places and then going, let's do breakfast and hang out for 24 hours. And then. Then you end that, and they go, you spent 24 hours with me. And you're like, I guess I shouldn't do that anymore. Like, when you were probably, you know.

[Jazz Zapatos]

It'S hard when you go, now I'm. Now I'm led on for, like. Or I'm being told that I'm leading people on because I'm being too open or too available. And honestly, that I think is a. It's a mix of, like, women being so used to being held or people being used to being held at arm's length. And. And when they do get full, open, honest emotions, they feel like, this is it. This could really be it.

[Jared Freed]

That must mean so and so, you know, like, because of this, it must mean that. Yeah, it is a. Yeah. And so you get out of. You. You guys get a divorce, you move out on your own, and I get.

[Jazz Zapatos]

I go back to my own spot. I start dating again. You know, I have. I have a few flings that are. You know, I think in hindsight, like, I knew we're probably not going to go to the distance, but I wasn't at that time. I was kind of thinking, like, you know, I got married once, and I saw what it was all about, and I don't even know if I need to do that again. Like, right, I could have a series of great love affairs for the rest of my life. I've peeked behind the curtain and. And, like, it's good. It's fine. It doesn't change. You know, it changes your life, but it doesn't. It's not this big mystery. You know, I think, like, people make marriage this huge thing on a checklist that, like, you have to mark off by a certain time. Hello, Jeff. This is my dog, Jeff.

[Jared Freed]

If you're watching on YouTube, you can see Jeff the dog.

[Jazz Zapatos]

That's right. So, you know, I really was not in a place where I was looking for anything serious, which was all so interesting for me to be. Not looking for anything serious in a different way, where it's like, okay, how fair is it for me to even date when I don't. You know, I don't. I don't want to get serious right away. Meanwhile, and this is just a batshit crazy story, a girl that I took a comedy class with at UCB a decade ago, okay, we never hung out. We were in this one class together. We followed each other on Instagram. We've, like, vaguely commented on each other's stuff over the years. She DMS me and says, hey, I know this is super weird, but I. I had a dream last night that you went on a date with my friend Drew, and I would. You are. I don't even know if you're single. Are you in a place to be set up? I was like, well, show me his Instagram. I lurked around. I was like, he's cute. But then I was like, oh, he can grow a good mustache. Okay. Or, okay, that's a point. We love that he's also a performer, you know, another actor. It never really works out. But, like, whatever, you know, I could go do coffee. And also, who am I to argue with the female intuition? You know? I love it.

[Jared Freed]

I love a woman had a dream. Come on, you gotta go.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Yeah, I love a good witchy moment. So, yeah, I was like, fine, meet this guy for coffee. Laugh harder than I've ever laughed on a first date in my life. Cut to you know, June 5th, it'll be a year since we had that coffee date, and we're living together on the Upper west side. Like.

[Jared Freed]

How do you thank that woman? Like, how do you thank her? What do you say to her? Like, what does she do now? Is she like, I'm gonna put a. A table and chairs out on the corner of the street and read? Bob.

[Jazz Zapatos]

I think she scared herself a little bit.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, Really?

[Jazz Zapatos]

I think she freaked herself out. She's like, you guys, like, it was just supposed to be coffee. And what's funny is. So she's one of his. My partner's best friends. And, okay, we were just. A couple weeks ago, we were in la and we were at her and her husband's house, like, in the kitchen being, like, where? A year ago, my partner was just there talking about how shitty dating is in New York, how sick of it he is, and we're like, this is where it happened right here. Like, this was.

[Jared Freed]

So this is what people need to do. They need to tell a friend how bad things are, dating, wait for them.

[Jazz Zapatos]

To have a dream, right?

[Jared Freed]

And then have them report back with who they saw in the dream.

[Jazz Zapatos]

I mean, I just plan to, like, she's gonna have to, like, officiate my next wedding, I guess. Like, I don't know, you know, or.

[Jared Freed]

She'S got to tell you some lottery numbers or something like that. Like, this is, like, it's what.

[Jazz Zapatos]

It's honestly wild. And it's. I. I almost hate having to tell this story because especially on, like, dating podcasts where people are like, what's the next right thing to do? Like, you don't get to go.

[Jared Freed]

Like, you can't tell.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Here's what I did. A girl you barely knew had a dream about me, and now I'm dating this guy. I just like to say, like, I finally got my return on investment at ucb.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. That's all you can say that.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

If you. If someone brings up their dating life, all you can say is, yeah, it is hard out there, girl.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Like, you cannot lucky.

[Jared Freed]

I'm so. Yeah, you. You cannot say, well, I met, you know, Brian or whatever his name is, you know, from terrible taste.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Like, I have to say, if this woman did a dream, this man for me, my taste before this was right. Real bad. Like, I was not making good choices, which, granted, you have to make bad choices in dating in order to learn these lessons. It's just the way it is.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. I'm sorry. I just keep thinking of you going up to a woman. She's Complaining about dating. You're like, have you ever had deja vu?

[Jazz Zapatos]

You.

[Jared Freed]

That's. That's how you meet a guy, right?

[Jazz Zapatos]

And they're like, english teacher from high school, when I can't find my locker, is he the one? Like.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jazz Zapatos]

You know, maybe don't follow through on every dream you have, but it's worth it. Look, if I'll just say this. If someone has a dream about you on a date with their friend, just go check it out. It might be the love of your life, or it might just be, like, a funny story. But this is the way that the universe conspires, which, in one way, I hope makes people feel better. In that I think we take too much ownership of. It's all up to me to figure it out. And you just don't know what's going to fall into your lap at any given time. It's the person you next to on the plane. It's that, you know, it's the person in someone's dream. It's the person who saves you when you're drowning. Like, there's so many random occurrences that happen that if. Don't feel like if it's not happening, you're doing something wrong. Unless your personality sucks.

[Jared Freed]

Well, that. That doesn't help you.

[Jazz Zapatos]

But. But look up.

[Jared Freed]

This is a version like, look up. Look up from your phone. Look up from your.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Your eyes open. Say yes.

[Jared Freed]

Or look at your DMs and see if someone from Instagram is like, I had a dream about you. Go and go for it. But, you know, yes. Don't go on the no roll. You can't say I. You know, sometimes that's good advice to. Even for myself. I agree.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Jazz, go for a coffee.

[Jared Freed]

Thank you for coming on. This was fantastic.

[Jazz Zapatos]

It's so good to catch me. So good to catch up with you.

[Jared Freed]

Absolutely. Everyone, go follow Jazz at Jazz Underscore Zap with two P's. It is called Millennial Movie Club. They just did Terminator. Give me some other movies you've done.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Oh, man. We just did. We just did. Of course, now I can't think of any. No, we just did. Hello. Oh, we just did Fight Club. We just did. We just did Coyote Ugly. We just did. We're doing Piper Paribou. Piper Paraboo. My exact.

[Jared Freed]

Your ex's ex.

[Jazz Zapatos]

Yeah, you'll have to listen to the episode and hear all about it. But wow, she did Cheaper by the Dozen. One and two after that. But yeah, you know, it's.

[Jared Freed]

That name was so specific.

[Jazz Zapatos]

So specific. Gorgeous girl. We, we really get into the fun facts and the nitty gritty of these movies and these actors that you that sometimes they blow my mind when I do this research. So it's a really fun time. I'm also in the process of creating a new show that I'm about to tour called the Honest Disney Princess Tour. If you, if you go follow me, you'll see that I do a lot of music parody and I do a lot of these recent videos have been going viral of me doing original parody songs to Disney princesses if they were more honest. Don't show your kids they're not for kids. These are grown up Disney princesses for grownups. But yeah, you know, one day we'll catch each other on the road.

[Jared Freed]

Jared, I'll see you soon. Well, everyone go follow Jazz. Great to catch up with you. We'll be back next week. Boom.