← The JTrain Podcast
The JTrain Podcast
The Pro Bowl, Reviews, and Gym TVs - TICKED OFF TUESDAY - The JTrain Podcast w Jared Freid
00:31:44
Loading summary
Transcript2 lines
- [00:00]
Uncle J Train
I know you're angry. It's Tuesday and it has no feel. The weekend was fun. You're still hungover from the eating and next weekend is too far away. What will you do with your day? It's time to get ticked off. Complain with your gripe. Right now your friend Uncle J Train is here to tell you that you're right. It's a ticked off Tuesday. Ticked off Tuesday. You're angry and you don't even know why. Enjoy this podcast. It'll help you get to Friday.
- [01:08]
Jared Freed
Hello and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming to you live from the West Village, Manhattan. That's right, every Tuesday is a ticked off Tuesday. Are you angry? Are you mad? Do you got something on your mind that you want to get off your chest? Send it into Ticked off Tuesday j train podcast gmail.com but I'm going to let you know. The Patreon subscribers are taking over ticked off Tuesday. That's the only way to get your complaint read on this show. Guaranteed. I said that sentence way the wrong way. If you want to guarantee that your complaint gets read, join the Patreon. They get first dibs. Patreon.com Jared Freed Every Friday I do coffee with J Train. It is a storytelling the week that was podcast. And then people comment with their ticked off Tuesdays and they get read on the show. If we don't have enough, we go to the mailbag and you know, we, we, we take those ticked off Tuesdays. We have enough. So I want you to, you know, sign up for Patreon or write in J train podcast gmail.com. but Patreon is really, because I got four complaints in front of me today. Four Patreon subscribers have weighed in. So we're going to get to those after my ticked off Tuesday. And my ticked off Tuesday is that football is over. It is. And, and this is the time of year where you look around, you go, first of all, it's freezing. It's just freezing everywhere. The whole country. It doesn't matter where you go. You can't escape it. I saw snow in Florida and Texas and New Orleans. It's crazy. But this will end. But we're, I would say we're a month away from seeing any, you know, parts of the country will see a little bit of help. But we are in the time of year where like it, it's just football gives the excuse to do nothing. It gives the excuse to turn on the TV and let your mind just sit and turn to mush and yesterday you have the two games. I'm taping this Monday ahead of a ticked off Tuesday. You have the two games on. And they were fun games, but I'm like sitting there, I'm like, you know, even leading up to it, the first game started at three. I'm like wandering around, I was like, do I have anything to do today? I could have taped this podcast. I could have some work. But then again, you're put face to face when football's on. You never go, well, I got work to do, you know, you. I'm not, I, it never feels like I'm not doing work to watch football. Whenever there's no football, I'm sitting there like, I should be doing work, I should be working out, I should be eating healthier. No, football lets you ignore all of life's annoyances. And now it's over. Now we, we, we get to turn on the TV on a Saturday and put on what. Is there anything I, you know, I could get into a show, I could get into, you know, Landman keeps coming up. People tell me to watch that. And people tell you to watch the one on the Ben stiller1 on HBO. I don't know if I have it in me to get into a show. So football gone. That's my ticked off Tuesday. I'm just mad. And then the super bowl is coming up in the super bowl, you know, we have to wait two weeks and the Pro Bowls this weekend and they've changed the whole Pro Bowl. That's my other yearly thing that gets me annoyed every year. The Pro bowl is the worst of the All Star games. They don't know how to do it. The players don't want to get hurt. Football is a dangerous, violent game. So it's tough to have an All Star game that's just for, you know, shits and gigs and have it be entertaining as well. And then the Manning brothers got involved and they do, they have, they do like a skills competition. The Manning brothers are doing a watered down version of my idea that I came up with years ago. And that's why it bothers me. This is an idea I had that the All Stars should be picked and they don't do it right. The All Stars should be picked. There was a thing, I went to summer camp growing up, and at summer camp they have a thing called color war. They split the camp into two teams, blue and gray. And over the course of five days, blue goes against gray in every event. What event, Jared? Soccer, basketball, baseball. But then you have chess. Checkers swim meet. So it was really a fair thing because every team, you know, you might have the good basketball team, but someone else might have the swimmer. And all the events would be given point values. So a ping pong match could be worth as much as the soccer match, you know. So let's say blue wins ping pong, they're going to get 80 points. Say Gray wins soccer, they get 80 points. Okay, that's our score now. So the ping pong player becomes as important as the soccer player. So it is a truly a team event that goes on a week. And, you know, sometimes it comes down to the end, sometimes it doesn't, you know, and that's what I always thought the Pro bowl should be. The Pro bowl should be a series of football adjacent events played by the AFC and the nfc and they're all stars. So you split up. So you have the AFC all stars, whoever that may be. We're going to pick 40 all stars. Okay. And again, if they have to, you know, for positions, let's say, okay, we have to have five linemen, you know, five wide receivers, five quarterback, whatever the numbers are. You have a team of. And we know that team, we should know that team. And they should have to go head to head on a weekend of televised events. And yeah, I think I want to watch all of these events. I want them to be from Thursday to Sunday and everything is given point values. I want it to be live. I want to watch it on espn. I also want to be able to bet on it. I want to be able to bet on, you know, Jaden Daniels playing ping pong against Baker Mayfield. I guess they'd be on the same team. They're both in the nfc, so it would be, you know, but things like that, like, why can't. I can bet on that? And then the AFC and the nfc and it would end with, you know, you have tug of war, you have running races, you have the, you know, the, the, the, the quarterbacks doing the, you know, the skills competition where they try to throw a football at a bullseye. And it just seems like, and what bothers me is you took the Manning brothers, who. I do like watching the Manning cast. I do think they're great on tv. I like watching their commercials. I think they are fun and good at what they do in the, you know, in the media space. I do think they also don't have the. It's, it doesn't matter to them this thing that they do. If it, if it's okay, then it's fine. They're not going to put their heart and soul into this. Real TV producer people, people that want to create would make this great. And they, what they're doing is a half assed version because they already have the millions in the bank. This is, they already have the contract with ESPN where they get to run this thing. And again, this is where we're heading with creativity. If your creatives are all, you know, if the only people you hire to do creative stuff are, you know, the best quarterback of all time, then you're going to get the best quarterback all time version of something that could have been better. I'm just saying. And I'm complaining. Yeah, it's ticked off Tuesday. I'm ticked off. They do it wrong. AFC vs NFC. Just like color war. You give points to all the events they should have. At least over the course of the weekend you should have like 30 events. I would be betting on all of it. And make it matter. Winning team gets awarded money. You know what amount of money? I don't know. Make it valuable. And again, you could do these events that wouldn't get them injured. That's the big part of this. Make it matter in a way where that, so that. And also make it so they can't get injured. Running races. I want to see wide receivers do the 40 yard dash. Yeah, I want to see linemen do the 40 yard dash. The lineman 40 yard dash for 20 points awarded to the AFC. Scoop and score. You could do, you know, throw out a football and you have a lineman have to go run out and scoop the ball and score it and then we'll do time trials. Look at. I'm already coming up with ideas because I, I, you know, I am not a famous football player, but I do get creative. I like to produce, I like to create. So that's my ticked off Tuesday, the end of the NFL and then the poorly put together Pro Bowl. That's just not what it should be. Especially since it's an idea I had that they're doing half ass. I got four ticked off Tuesdays in front of me. We also have one sponsor. The sponsor's in the description of this episode. I'll do it right now. Your hair, or lack of it, is a huge part of how you see yourself. If you've been struggling with hair thinning, it's time to get neutrophil. Nutrafol is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand trusted by over 1 million people. See thicker, stronger, faster, growing hair with less shedding in just three to Six months with Nutrafol. Just order online, no prescription needed. And Nutrafol helps you stay on track with your hair goals with automated deliveries and free shipping. I love Neutrful because people in my life love neutral. I don't use neutral. My mom does. She keeps ordering it. She has seen a difference. She is hooked on it. And I would say if you're out there and you're starting to feel stressed about your hair, this is a really good first option before you go to surgeries and drugs. This is, you know, this is an, I think it says it's all naturals, you know, So I think that's a huge part of why Neutrophil good for you. And also you can go on their website and you fill out like a little, you know, a little test and they'll tell you which one's right for you. Get a Neutrophil subscription to save up to 20 and have access to free nature Pat Natter, naturopathic doctor consults. Okay, that's good. And a Headspace membership. Start your hair growth journey with Neutrophil. For a limited time, Neutrophils are offering J train listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping. When you go to neutrophil.com enter promo code Feather. Find out why over 4, 500 healthcare professionals and stylists recommend Neutrophil for healthier hair. Nutriful.com that's spelled n u t r a f o l.com promo code Feather neutrophil.com promo code Feather. So go, go, go check it out. Check out Neutrophil. Also, let's get to ticked off Tuesday. But also I'm going to be in Montreal this weekend. I got tickets are available. We're doing a big theater. I'll do pictures after the show. Assemble the group chat. It'll be a lot of fun. So Montreal is this Saturday and then I'm coming to New Zealand and Australia. But I, I, you know, that's there if you're out there. If you're out there, you know the Kiwis and the Aussies would love to have you at the show. Also we're gonna add Rochester and I think Nashville gonna do some like, workout shows. So jaredfreed.com for that. Okay, Ticked off Tuesday. Some diabolical bitch sent two giant boxes of carbs to our office on January 15th. Yeah, I'm annoyed. Send those. December belated Christmas delivery. The box said Harry and David and my boss and I were the only two people in the office. Both. Both hoped it was pears or ruby red grapefruits. Instead it was two giant boxes. One full of cinnamon buns and one full of baklava. Yeah, this is treacherous. You get back to the office, it's January 15th. You're probably two weeks in your goals. I think they call it quitting Sunday or something. There's a day two weeks into the year that is like the number one day for quitting your resolutions. And it's around January 15th. It's almost like this person sent it for the quitting day. Apparently each of those are our own secret weakness. And we just about flung ourselves out the windows with despair for our New Year's diets. My boss is a giant dude who was always on a diet in. The only thing I ever see him eat is one Atkins shake and one Atkins bar every day. And he was complaining about gaining weight over the holidays and have to crack down on his diet. This was too much for him. We lasted until about 2:15 yesterday before he cracked into them. Apparently this crazy person read our minds because he loves cinnamon rolls. I mean, who doesn't love cinnamon rolls? And I love baklava. I like baklava. And our diets are doomed just as they begin. I had just spent the last two weeks learning to count macros in my goal of fat loss and muscle gain toast. Speaking of which, there's all. There were also two giant sacks of English muffins in the delivery. What did they just throw in all their stuff that they wanted to get rid of. The woman who sent this is a monster P S. Those demons that Harry and David apparently now slap nutritional. I don't know what Harry and David are. The box said Harry and David. The demons that. This person makes a lot of assumptions that we know everything they're talking about those, these, those demons that Harry and David apparently now slab nutritional information on everything they send out. So as soon as we open the treats, we realize the cinnamon buns are 700 calories each and the baklava are 600. Happy New Year. That is annoying. After January 1st, you should. After January 1st, don't send anything we don't want. We want. We want water. I'm looking up Harry and David. Oh, these are. These are gift baskets. Gourmet gift backs baskets. Look at this. Soup and cookies delivered. Like it seems like Harry and David is just this one stop shop for gluttony. Because like, you look at soup and cookies just it seems like the stuff you would want the most. They do have pears. It is Harry And David, LLC is an American based premium food and gift producer and retailer. The company sells its products through direct mail online corporate gifting in their flagship location in Medford, Oregon and operates the Brand Harry Brand Harry and David and Wolf Wolferman's and Vital Choice. Let's take a look at some of these baskets. If this basket show. Here's the thing, and this is why it's annoying. You see a basket, like I'm looking at the basket, the dried fruits, the orchard abundance, champagne and truffles. I mean, this is stuff you eat by a fire. Everything they have, the cookies, the happy birthday bakery. But I'm hungry looking at it. Yeah, this is a problem. Here's the thing about this. Everything they sell, it should be eaten in front of a fire. And here's, here's what's really angering someone. Send this to you. And what are you gonna do? Just take it and immediately throw it in the garbage. You can't do that. You. These are thrown in the garbage after you've had like seven cinnabons and eight baklavas and you're like, enough, enough already. And you throw away the last three and it puts you in this position of like, you don't want to eat it. You don't want to be wasteful and throw it away. You almost wish, like, it's like times like those where you're like, where are the homeless people? Like, please, where can I give this to someone that is in need, please? I just wish there was like an immediate place to push this box of cinnamon. Cinnamon buns directly into the mouth of someone who is actually hungry. When I am the opposite of hungry. I'm. I'm actually 30 pounds overweight and I need to stop eating like this. Oh, I, I feel your pain. Ticked off Tuesday. I hate it when I go to buy something like a book or perfume or makeup and I see one star review. A one star review, that is just someone complaining about something stupid like the shipping time. Right. I agree. I mean, like, this is the problem. Everyone has a chance. Everyone's got a place. Everyone wants an outlet. Everyone's got to make a comment. Everyone's got to find. Gotta let you know about how this company does it wrong. It's. It should. This happens so often. I always check one star reviews thinking that it will be something bad about the product. But no, it's only people complaining about shipping. Yeah. And shipping is like, what are they gonna do? It takes a while. What do you. How fa. How fast did you want this? When did you Think it was gonna come now? Now shipping could be a problem. I've had issues with shipping and you're like did you ship it? I didn't get a confirmation. Like I would much rather like know if someone's gonna complain about shipping. I want to know that you didn't receive an email that you didn't that you were told this date and then it came on this date. And I just want to let people know that this can happen. But I'm with you. The one star review where it has nothing to do like just tell me the product is all. You know. I, I don't think I've ever reviewed anything. You know what I review and I only do positive Barry's boot camp instructors. I had an instructor Sunday that I, I felt like I was a hundred years old. I had an instructor Sunday that was so great and I'm not remembering his name right now but he was unbelievable. I'll probably talk more about it on Coffee with J Train but I actually because I so, so I went to Barry's boot camp yesterday. I signed up for in Chelsea Joe A. This guy Joe A was fantastic and he. And I was not a good Barry's performer. I sucked. I was flopping around. I was take. Taking shortcuts wherever I could. I, I was hurting. I, I went to bed at like 3:30 in the morning and I signed up for a Barry's class at like 1am and then I tried to call and cancel it. I'll tell this all on Patreon on Coffee with J Train but I did review. So my policy with reviewing is only positive. I, I just why I'm not here to like what's. Unless I could call the place but Barry's will send you like what did you think of your instructor? This guy Joe A was so good that I wrote a message that a grandpa would write. I wrote back this guy is a star 5 star review or whatever the highest review was because he is. I'll talk more about it on Coffee with J Train. But yeah I, I think negative reviews like if I need you to write something specific and it's got to like give people. I think it's got to give people information on what you missed when you bought it. That's the, that's what people want. Here's something you might want to know. If you're buying this product and it's never that. It's just some person who no one listens to them in their everyday life and they have to feel some sort of power. Let's do another Ticked Off Tuesday New subscriber here. Been a fan of your comedy since your Netflix special came out and I saw your set in Chicago last year. Funny stuff. Thank you. I've got a Ticked Off Tuesday. One of my favorite parts of getting a pedicure is the massage chair. I have to say I'm generally let down by the massage chair, but I'm happy you like it. I always sit in the massage chair and I just wish it was more. It feels like it's like one tenth of what I really want and it's making me miss like a good massage. Like I'd rather the massage chair just be like, concentrate on one area of my body than do everything. Like kind of I'm actually writing this while sitting in the massage chair now. The last two pedicures I've gotten at two different salons have massage chairs that have rollers in the seats as well. I hate these seat rollers. It's like a hard ball that goes up and down the butt crack. And on top of this discomfort, on top of this uncomfortable motion, the sides of the seat move inward to smash my thighs. Now I don't know if this feels good to people with smaller thighs thighs, but I have a strong thigh game and don't enjoy getting them getting smashed. It has been a while since I've gotten a pedicure, so maybe I'm out of the loop on new massage chair technology. Needless to say, I've never dealt with chairs like this before to get to my complaint. I thought we were there. This weird butt roller seems to have a different name on each type of salon chair, and none of the names are intuitive. When I turn the chair on, the butt roller turns on automatically. I realize I could just ask which button turns off the butt rollers, but I'm stubborn and think the chair will be intuitive enough where I can figure it out myself. Especially when the other modes are lower upper and full back. Pretty self explanatory. I initially thought it might be part of the lower back, so I turned that off. Nope. Then I tried turning off the full back and only the butt roller and only the butt rollers were left on. Ah. I examined the button options more closely and saw an air mode. What does that mean? Air mode section that had a picture of a fan. I pressed the air mode button a few times and finally the butt rollers and the thigh smashers turned off air mode. Why would they call the butt rollers air mode? Is it meant to help people release gas? They could have labeled it seat massage or had a picture of a chair instead of a fan. I had the same issue at a previous salon, although I don't remember what the Butt Roller Thigh Smasher was called, but it was not Air Mode. Yeah, Air Mode seems like a weird name for what would control the butt roller. I think Butt Roller would be a weird name too. I wouldn't think. But I guess that would be better than Air Mode. I don't understand who would want such sensation with while getting a pedicure. Sincerely, but I just wanted a back massage. Your complaint is exactly mine. These massage chairs try to do everything and then they end up doing nothing. They have so many buttons, so many options, and they're all like, just okay, it's. It's like, why don't you just have a chair that I literally like, sink into and it just rubs the back of my neck and like, let's get that perfect. I would like a chair, and I think I like a chair where I s where it literally like, like, I want a chair where I literally, like, I'm enveloped by it. Like, I want like. Like just. And it's tight on me and I can like turn on like an air thing where it blows up so that I'm being squeezed squozen. Like that would be a fun chair. Like a chair where you get in and it's like the shape of outline of a body and you sink into it. You turn on, you press one button and it like. And it inflates. Like the. The machine at the doctor when they check your blood pressure. Yeah, that's what I want. I want a blood pressure machine for my whole body and then only massage on my neck. Let's get that right. Because I think we could get that right. It's all these buttons and I hear you like the air mode and the lower back and the upper back. How about we just get my neck and you squeeze me like the. Like the blood pressure machine. That's all I want. I guess that could be called a hug. Can I have a hug? I'll just go in away going to a pedicure place. Hey, does anyone here just give hugs for 10 bucks? I'll take a hug. Last one. In the cardio machine section of my Gym, there are 10 TVs every day. Seven to eight of those are news stations and often multiple of one news station. The gym is my happy de stress place. I want to zone out. Who the fuck is getting de stressed on the treadmill watching natural disaster updates, political shit, local atrocities. Just give me sports and some throwback channel with lighthearted shows. The front desk staff say they get older members requesting the news every day. Old people love the news. I suggested a compromise. Sports, lighthearted shows, every other tv. It's gotta be a mix. I do understand. I guess I. If I was a gym, the policy would be that you only put on local news. Because the news stations, it's just a mess, you know, I guess you would. We'll do one right wing, one left wing. We'll do low, we'll do cnn. I don't know what that's considered now. I think that's. Oh. Or you do NPR or C Span. We'll do this. I think it should be this. It should be. It's got to be more sports. And at least you have the. The. You're at a gym, which is an athletic place. So sports should be on ESPN1, ESPN2, the Fox Sports station. Then T, TNT, TBS, Fox News, MSNBC, C SPAN. Those are the TVs. That's it. That's. That's the list. And that's it. TNT and TBS are the throwback. Like, you know, when those are on. I get it. I'm gonna watch the witches show. They have that show about the, you know, the witches that was, like, on for a thousand years. But I'm with you. I'm not there to watch the news. I'm not there to get my news. I'm there to, like, zone out and see some sports just on in front of me. They should have one. I mean, where does this go? I. I guess my question is, and now, as we head closer and closer to streaming being just what it is, like, where cable's gonna go at some point. What happens to the gym TVs? Then we're gonna have a real issue because then the gym TVs turn into, like, okay, we're gonna watch whatever movie, you know. You know, the. The person at the desk wants to watch. You're sitting there, you know, watching. You know, I can't even think of a movie sitting there watching Jurassic park because some guy. Yeah, it's a problem. This happens at comedy clubs. At comedy clubs, like, when I go, I send a playlist to play when you walk in. And what I noticed was a lot of these comedy clubs, the sound person, whoever's the sound person at the club, they're usually like a very. They're very into music. They're very, like. They're either an artist or they work in music. They've worked in, you know, at, like, venues, and they end up putting on their music when you walk in and it's all like sad bullshit. Like, it's all like. You're like. And I. You know, the crowd that comes to the show is you. If you're listening, you're probably a fun person. You came with your friends and you're like, why are they playing Johnny Cash? Like, what's going on right now? And so then I started sending along my playlist that cipher sounds made to like, amp up the energy in the room. I was like, I don't want, you know, these sad strumming guitar songs. Like, play some fun hip hop play. Play some, some throwbacks. And I can tell some places I walk in and the music's not on and it's. That sound person is like, it's like a power thing to them. Like, they won't even put on my mix. Like, I run the music here and it's like same for the TVs of the gym. Like, who's. Why are we abiding by one person? And what they want? Some old guy wants the news. The sound guy is going to ruin all our. Our vibe because they want to like, listen to their music, put on some headphones, ticked off Tuesday, back next week, boom.