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It's a mailbag. Munder, you got problems there. I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag Monday. Hello and welcome to the J Train podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming to you live from Austin, Texas. That's right, every Monday is a mail bag Monday where listener email me the comedian with your questions. Anything you'd like, you can send it in. I'm, I'm here in Austin. I am in the middle of a it, what looks like three weeks on the road. I am literally just a hotel hopper at this point. I'm in Austin, I'm doing the shows. The shows have been great. Thank you to anyone who came out in Austin, Texas. I have the book tour right now. This is coming out on June 8th. The book tour starts in New York City. It is sold out. Thank you to everyone who got tickets and I'm excited for the book tour. I'm excited to do a little some, something a little different. It's going to be a book talk and it's going to be taking people's dating profiles and dating questions and you know, having a fun conversation about dating and what it is today and why I wrote the book and how I, you know, I, I enjoy the conversation about relationships and dating and where people are at. So I'm hoping people get involved when they come. New York, sold out. The, the other place I'm going Boston tomorrow night, Philly, DC, Chicago, Denver. I'd love to have you and your friends at the show at the event. It's more event than show, you know, and I, right now I'm a little nervous. I'm doing it by myself. I'm no moderator. I mean I could go on and on about that on Coffee with J Train and I will once this is all done. But it's going to be me on my own and I would love to have you guys there and bringing your dating thoughts and questions and concerns and all those things. And really the beginning is really about, the beginning of the show is going to be about like more TED Talky than stand up show. I'm just letting you know, just talking about kind of, you know, what is the male, the straight male voice in dating. And that's kind of what I've been doing here since 2012, which is crazy to even think about. Sometimes it feels like I've been doing it five minutes and sometimes a thousand years. So that's the book tour. I would love for you to come. Last week we played the audio, 15 minutes of audio Book at the end of the show. These, these episodes, the promise is a daily show that's 20 minutes at a minimum. These are going to be kind of no fat. We're going to get right into it. As, as I vamp on, I'm saying as I sit here not shutting up about nothing. But I, I, I have more shows coming up. Cleveland, the Hamptons, Miami, Red Bank, New Jersey, Foxwoods, Bradley, Portland, Maine. Those are standup shows. Again. The book tour is this week. If you're out there and you have a friend in any of the cities that I mentioned, Boston, Philly, D.C. chicago, Denver, especially if they're single and it's like going to be interesting for them, it's going to be a vulnerable. The book is about vulnerability and having, and, and kind of talking about dating without being accusatory or inflammatory or all those Tories. So let's get to the show. I have three emails in front of me. I have two sponsors today. Jared, 29. I'm a 29 year old man who hasn't dated in a while. Well, thank you for writing into the show. If you have an email, it could really be about anything. Dating, friendship, parents, all that stuff. We just want to hash out stuff. That's what this show's about. Hearing someone else who has no idea who you are. I don't even have your name. I have V. Send me the emails. I just have the email. I just have again, I just got the meat so there's no looking up your picture to see who you are. I don't know anything about you. This is so you can write to me with anything you want to get an unbiased. The only biases I have are biases. The only bias I have is the ones that are just inherent within me that you get to know as you listen to this show. It's just who I am. We all have our own biases, biases, biases, bias, bias, whatever. All right. I'm a 29 year old and, and I wanted to say thank you for being a 29 year old dude listening to this podcast. It's, it's not who I think of when I think of who listens to the show. I think of like you know, 35 year old woman who you know is so I, I, so this is nice. I'm a 29 year old but I have been a 29 year old man who hasn't dated in a while. I've been that guy. So you've come to the right place. A friend from my run club in New York City asked if I was single and offered to set me up with her friend Maddie. They put in quotes. She showed me a few photos. I was interested, and she said she'd host a group hangout so we could meet organically without telling Maddie about me beforehand. I don't like that as a. That's not a setup. I mean, that is a setup. That is you sneaking up on Maddie. I just. I don't like how this works. I want both people to sign in. I think this sets you up for, you know, none of us are beyond failure. None of us are beyond feeling let down. So I think this sets you up for maybe a letdown because you saw the pictures. You get to dream, and you get to go, oh, Maddie. And I could see us together and look at that name. Let's put her name with my last name, like you can. And then Maddie has no idea this is going on. Is now being broug to a event that is more play than actual event. Everyone's there watching, and she has no idea that's going on. Like, I just don't like the setup, to tell you the truth. I'm not going to lie to you. To lie to you. I know. I just. Because the premise is, hey, you, can I set you up with my friend? Here she is. Oh, my God. She's wonderful. She's beautiful. I, at that point, would expect them to go to their friend and be like, hey, I want to set you up with my friend from the run club. Here he is. And they. And then they get to say, wow, he's cute. He's fun. Now we have two excited parties, right now we have one excited party, Moderately excited. I'm not even saying you're. You're. I don't think you're a crazy person, but at a minimum, you're like, they're cute. They could be someone I would want to date. And now she's setting up a whole hangout so you could meet organically. This isn't organic. None of this is organic. They don't know the definition of organic without telling Maddie about me beforehand. I don't like that at all. And. And here's the thing. As a single person, you don't get to have taste. And I am, as a person who was single for a long time and had to go through this and was set up a lot. Any review, any feedback you give, it's like you're being gluttonous. You're being not appreciative enough. No, you're appreciative. You just Want it done the right way. You want everyone to feel comfortable, especially Maddie, who you're hypothetically getting set up with. Okay. About a month later, I got invited. A few days before the event, I checked with my friend to make sure Maddie would be there. She confirmed it and said she was excited for us to meet again. Your friend's excited for you two to meet? Maddie has no clue, but otherwise gave me no details. I absolutely. I'm. And I, I. I don't mean this in the meanest way. I hate this person setting you up. I didn't even know Maddie's name until that night. Like, why is. See, this is now becoming your friend from the Run Club's big squid game. This is them looking for something to do. You are giving them excitement at your. They're. They're using you to get excited. They're using you to have something to do to occupy their time, and I don't like that to hide. I'll reveal the name when you say you'll come to my party. Like, what is this? What is this, a treasure hunt? At the event, my friend introduced us, and we chatted throughout the night. Toward the end, Maddie joined a conversation I was having with another guy from the group. We talked about Run clubs, and I invited them both to one of mine. They seemed interested. I left feeling good about meeting Maddie and optimistic that the other guy and I could become friends. Great. I. I mean, you are nicer than me. I'd be like, get rid of this other dude. Let me talk to Maddie. But. Okay. What I find strange is that my friend, who seems so excited to set us up, hasn't mentioned Maddie once since. She didn't ask how I thought it went during or after the event. And when I texted to thank her for hosting, she never brought. And when I texted to thank her for hosting, she never brought Maddie up. It's now been a month. I invited Maddie and the other guy to another Run club, but schedules got in the way. Since then, I've mostly been communicating with him and assume he's relaying information to Maddie. I'm still optimistic because Maddie seemed interested in hanging out again. But I feel uneasy that my friend has gone completely silent about the setup. Should I ask my friend what's going on? Should I keep her in the loop if I end up spending more time with Maddie? Or am I overthinking this? Thanks for the help and take care of. You're not overthinking this. I'm enraged for you. This is why setups get a bad name. Everyone wants to be set up. Everyone wants. And, and it's not. People become negative about setups because of this. This could have been an email. This could have been so easy and done with. This could have been 15 minutes. Hey, man, I got this friend, Maddie. I would love to set you up with her. Really? Let me check her out. Wow, she's cute. Okay, hold on one second. Let me go to Maddie to make sure she's still single and available. Go to Maddie. Hey, Maddie, I have this friend from my run club. I'd love to set you up with him. He's really nice. Oh, okay. Let me see his pictures. Oh, really? This guy does seem great. I'd love to go out with him. Give him my number. Done. I just did the setup. I just did what this friend wouldn't do. Why wouldn't this friend do it? Why? Because this friend is an. This friend isn't a nice person. They might be a good person who is just acting off and strange, but they are acting off and strange. I am here to hug you and let you know that you are not being too much, that you are not looking too much into this. You are not overthinking. You are not a weirdo, crazy person. So let's start there. I am, I'm so angry for you. And you wrote such a nice email. You're dealing with this other dude. I don't know why. I get it. You're like trying to, you're trying to side door when this is going to be death by a thousand paper cuts. Like you're trying to side door this thing. Here's what I do. I go to the friend. Hey, I, I send one text. Hey, I was really excited to meet your friend Maddie. You said you wanted to set us up. I went to your party. I thought she was great. Can you give her my number? No, no, no, let me go back on that. I'm, I'm, I'm doing this on the fly. I, I read these emails as, as, as, as you hear them. So, hey, I was really excited to meet your friend Maddie. I thought she was great. I'd love to go out with her. Can you get me her number to see if that's okay with her? Like, I, I, I would, like, I would. I think you're there. People are listening, going, why would you go back to the person who set you up badly? Because honestly, they're the ones who put this all together. They have, they might have information. You know, Maddie might have met you and was like, listen, not my match. And that's okay. That hurts to hear. And it's hurting even more because this person who had to create a whole hangout for you guys to get together, they didn't have to do this. They didn't have to go this far. I would text the. I would text the setup friend. Hey, I met Maddie at the party. I had a really good time meeting her. I'm gonna ask her out. I just want to make sure that I have all the information because you kind of went radio silent on me, and it's making me feel like maybe I don't know something here, but I'd like to ask her out. And if you know that she's seeing someone or is not interested, I would really love to know that information. That's. That's the text I was in. I'd love to have all the information because you're the reason I'm here. You're the reason I'm even thinking about this Maddie girl. I just want to either go on a date or be turned down and move on from this. And that's the thing about dating. People will occupy your brain. Your brain only has so much room for so many people. I talk about in the book, just this idea of, like, what type of single are you? You know, that's a big thing to, like, come to terms with. You said you haven't dated in a while. You would. I would consider you very single. You're a clean slate. Maddie might be hooking up with a guy every weekend that she kind of likes, kind of doesn't like, and is, like, occupied with him and not really thinking of other people and new and new guys that she met at parties. So you don't even know where Maddie's at. And maybe now is not the right time for Maddie. And that's okay. This isn't her fault. This is the friend's fault. So I would. I. I think. Let's get rid of the run club. Let's get rid of the guy friend. You. Let's establish. I would like to go on a date with Maddie. I'd like to get drinks with her to see if there's a romantic connection here. Hey, you brought this person to my attention. I haven't heard from you. I. I just want to make sure that I'm okay to go forth. I just want to make sure it's cool for me to ask her out, because if there's something I don't know, I would love to know that. J train podcast gmail.com. j train podcast gmail.com. we're sponsored. If you work with a team, you know how easy it is for the little things to get missed. Today's episode is brought to you by Quo, the business communication system. Built so you never miss a call. Quo is the number one rated business phone system. The Quo app works on your phone or computer wherever you are. Get calls, texts, voicemails, transcripts and contact details all in one place. From solo operators to growing teams, Quo takes you to the next level. Quo automatically logs calls, generates summaries and flags next steps. It can even respond after hours so nothing f falls through the cracks. Replies, even h replies happen faster and customers actually feel taken care of. So this is great. Communicate faster, stay aligned and deliver results with Quo. Try it today and see why Quo is trusted by more than 90000 businesses. Money is on the line. Always say hello with Quo. Try Quo for free plus get 20 off your first six months when you go to Quo.comJ train that's QU-U-O.comJ train Quo no missed calls, no missed customers. I I love a sponsor like that because it's very specific. You're, you're out there with a business. You don't want to miss a call. So go get, go go get your deal. That last email made me so annoyed. It really annoy a bad setup. It can ruin a month. It could have. This is a 15 minute thing. Jared, you're so funny and I'm embarrassed by how many of your podcasts I listen to weekly. Thank you. I, that means a lot to me. I probably should diversify my listening, but what can I say? I like what I like. Well, thank you. I need your advice first. I regret to inform you I am a teacher. Oh, I'm so gross. No, I'm kidding. They write in parentheses. Sorry. But I'm also a wannabe influencer on the side. Okay, I would feel that would be tough because so many teachers, from my experience in dating private account, you got to keep your social away from your professional. And I would say influencer is a mix of social and professional that is kind of the direct opposite of being a teacher. But okay, I have a fun teacher account where I share teacher related humor and fashion. Okay. I have about 7,000 followers. Honestly, my main goal going into it was to make enough side money to buy more cute clothes without breaking the budget. You may or may not have heard teachers are poor. Oh really? Okay, well, thank you. I, I, I get it. This is great. I, I think you have the right mindset. I think you're doing the right thing. It's somewhat adjacent to something you're an expert in. So. And also you're diving into a community, which is huge as a comedian, like, you know, niche niching out. You know, there's a, I mean, you want your people. That's, that's a big thing online. You got to find your crew, and this is a good way to do it. I don't hide my account, but I also don't advertise it to my co workers. If it comes up in conversation organically, I don't shy away from it. But also, I'm not looking to talk about it. I get it. You have this thing. If someone brings it up, we'll, we'll chit chat. It's fun to talk about. It's my fun little thing that I hope becomes a fun big thing. And we'll see. But I get it. But you're not like, hey, everyone, have you seen the influencer guy? I get it. I, I mean, honestly, I can relate to that with comedy. Like, I'm a comedian. If, if someone brings it up to me, hey, I, I, I heard you're a comedian. I, I, I, and, and like, started a fun, thoughtful conversation about it. I'm game. If no one brought it up, I would be totally cool and fine with that. A couple of months ago, I started noticing a coworker had viewed my stories, but does not follow me. I've maybe spoken to this coworker twice. They work in a different department than I do and come across very shy and quiet. Since then, they've continued to show up on people who view my stories regularly. This person continues to not follow me and never likes any of my stuff. I'm kind of annoyed. Welcome to the game of social media. This is, this is why social media might be a version of like, purgatory. Like, I relate to everything you've written so far. You have this fun account that you like doing, and you notice someone looking at your stories and not following, and you're, you're, it is annoying. You know, you have a store and someone keeps walking in and looking around and then leaving, and that is their right. And you know, there's a point around the 10th time someone walks around your store and is looking around, you want to go, hey, can I help you with anything? And they'll go, no, I'm good. And just walk right out. And you don't know if they're leaving. And again, this is your own insecurities. These are my, Let me, let me personalize this. These are My insecurities that they're leaving and going to all their friends and being like, look at this fucking idiot who started an account. Look how they think they're funny. They think they have cute outfits. Look at them. Or they're going, they're coming to your account and laughing and having a fun time. And then the thing that can let you get some monetary payment from their views and, and, and, and, and, and laughs. The thing that would get you paid, you know, this idea of what's. The payment will follow so that I can show that number to someone that might want to give me a brand deal or something like that. You know, that's. And I think we have this thing and it's. The problem with being a millennial is I do think this is a timing thing. The relation between virtual payment and currency and the user are not really aligned. Like, people go online for free. They go and look at your stuff for free. You're trying to capture something from them, whether it buy tickets to your show or buy use a promo code. But you kind of have to like, hope that everyone gets it. So I do understand, again, these are. I'm giving you all of my personal thoughts and feelings that, to make you understand that, like feeling annoyed by this. Totally normal to me. And if someone was to say, well, you're being sensitive, I would say they don't really live online. They don't really have a business online. They can't understand. I think anyone who has some sort of business online would understand your, your, your feelings right now. They, the email writes to see my stories. They literally have to type my username in their search bar every single time. I get it. I've had the same thought. I'm sure this person doesn't realize that I know they're viewing my stories. Yeah, they don't. They, they, they maybe think, oh no, they don't. They, they think. 7,000 followers. How do they see little old me? No, I see it. I see it. I, I have more followers than you. And I see, I see people looking at my stories all the time. I go look at the name when I get a message from someone and I see they don't follow my account. And again, it's irrational because if the person was like, hey, I listen to the podcast every day and doesn't follow my Instagram, I would have to assume they like me and they just consume me in this specific way. But I'll even go. When someone messages me, I'll go look at who they follow. Like, that's how crazy I'm admitting I'm a crazy person. I'm, I'm. Listen, Anyone could listen to this and be disgusted by me, but I'm, I'm gonna be vulnerable right now. I'll go to their follow and I'll see that they follow another comedian. And I go, well, you like that comedian? What's, you must really have an issue with me. You must think I, I'm dog. I had a situation once. I had a big show. I'm not going to get into specifics, but I'll, I'll give you an example of like how maddening this whole thing is. I was, I did a big show and then after the show I put together like a table to have drinks and appetizers after the show. And a friend of mine brought their friend who I was familiar with, and that friend I was familiar with didn't follow me at all. And that's fine. I was like, oh, maybe they're not a social media person. Maybe they don't like comedy. I guess it was always weird to me that this friend of a friend didn't follow me because my friend shares my stuff all the time. My friend is coming to the event with the appetizers and the drinks and bringing this friend. I would think at a minimum, you mute me and un. And do whatever you have to do to not see me. But also you're like my friend's good friend. I would think that you're seeing my stuff is my point. Like, it's not like they're like not aware of what I do. And as a show of support to their friend, you would think, oh, I'll support this person that they seem to love. I do the show. This good friend of mine couldn't make it to my show because they were with this friend of a friend on a big night for them, fine. They come to the drinks and appetizers and how was the show? And, and, and this friend of a friend was like, so how did it go tonight? And I'm like, how did it go? I just did a show and it was a theater show for over a thousand people. And it's like, and they were asking as if, like the tone, but also I hate this person because they don't follow, to be honest. So I'm already biased towards them. And maybe their tone, they didn't feel. Again, these are all to be in the eye of the beholder. How did it go? It's like, it was great. A thousand people came to my sold out theater show. I don't understand it was fantastic. Like, was there a thought in your brain that it wouldn't go well? Like, I don't understand and why would I tell you? You don't give a fuck about me and May, and they don't even know how much I think they don't give a fuck about me. So we're having, so now we're having drinks. I'm hanging out after my big show with my friend and the person I hate, and I'm, like, sitting there with them, and all of a sudden, my good friend Nemes Patel walks in and Nimesh walks in to, like, hang out after the show. And this friend of my friend freaks out. They're like, nes Ma is here. Oh, my God, I need a picture. I'm the biggest fan. I watch every clip on Instagram. They're, like, freaking out about how much they watch them on Instagram. And I'm sitting there because in my mind, the one part that I was like, maybe they just don't like comedy. Maybe they don't follow comedians. And I'm watching this person, and again, I, I love Nes. I only want him to be successful. I, I, I care about my friends who do comedy. I don't see it as competition. I'm seeing that. And, and I do believe that one person having success doesn't mean that the next person doesn't have success. So to watch this happen in front of me, I was so annoyed. I'm like, this person likes comedy. I'm watching in front of me via how their actions are online, that they have looked at Nemes and they were like, thumbs up, and they looked at me and they went thumbs down. And that is something that is all me. They've. These are all assumptions based on this horrific thing called social media. So I hope this tale of me sounding like a big old piece of helped you feel more seen about your teacher account that you're trying to figure out. And this person, that's the art teacher from down the hall that keeps watching your stories, and you're going, why am I so enraged by this? I think this is how it works. I don't think you're, I think this is more human than saying, well, it's just social media. When someone says, it's just social media, I want, I want to, like, shake them and be like, are you trying to just be an antagonist or a pet? That's not even the word I want. Are you trying to be, you know, the devil's advocate here? Let me read the rest of their email. After I did a 30 minute story. I'm sure this person doesn't realize I know they're viewing I'm view they're that I know they're viewing my stories. If you care that much to see what I'm posting, why not followers show some engagement to help me boost boost the algorithm Engagements like I don't know, I, I again, like I'm giving you feedback in the way that if someone did for me, I'd be like, go yourself. Yeah, yeah, I agree with you. I can't help but wonder if they're secretly making fun of me behind my back again. I just told you many stories to show you you're not crazy. Or is it possible he has a weird crush on me? I'm a happily married woman. From what I can tell from his profile, he's also married. Should I just keep ignoring the fact that he's Instagram stalking me, or should I attempt to be funny and call him out on it somehow? Or maybe I should just start following him as a way to say I see you. Maybe I just block him. I'd love your thoughts. A teacher with a ring light. I think you gotta ignore this. I think you gotta mute them. I, I, there's no everything you just said is you there. This is the problem. This is the problem with putting yourself out there on social media. That all of that was a no win messing with him. You, your, your brain is going to all the places my brain would go and it is a temptation I am telling you will not make you feel better. None of it will make you feel better. Anytime I have acted out on the emotional part of my brain that deals with social media, it has been a no win. I have not felt better. I have not. I remember there was one time this, this woman messaged me. I was in Australia. I'm doing shows in Australia across the planet. And she keeps responding to my stories and is like, oh, you're right down the street from me. And I'm like, well, I hope you're coming to the show. And they're like, well, I can't make it. Like, I like freaked out of them. I'm like, you're responding to every story I'm down the street. Like, I'm not, like, I'm not coming back to Sydney. I'm not coming back to wherever I am. I, I think I was, it wasn't Sydney, but I was, I was like, it was Adelaide. I'm like, I'm not coming back here. Like, are you a fan or not? Like, do you and again, you can be a fan quietly, you know. So I. And then they ended up coming with their dad and I felt so bad. I had a great show. I had a fun show but you know, in my mind it was. None of it felt good. So you calling them out will not feel better. You, I think you need to like mute them on your side. I wouldn't even do anything that they can see. You're not going to get value from this. I'm just, I'm the ghost of. I'm the ghost of miserable future. And I am here to tell you that anyone you notice on social media that doesn't follow you, that you call out and because they're looking at all your stuff will never make you feel better. I have it happen on TikTok all the time. I respond to people because I'm an emotional piece of shit. I'm just telling you, don't do it. Don't be me. J train podcast@gmail.com J train podcast@gmail.com Lola blankets. I have a Lola blanket. It is when you put it, if you're a sleeper who puts the blanket over their face because they don't want light let in. This is the darkest blanket I've ever been under. You can't see anything. It's unbelievable. There's nothing like a summer night, a campfire and a great blanket. Lola blankets are perfect for everyone in every space. Lola is the number one, the world's number one blanket. Crafted with ultra soft and stretchy fabric, it's crazy comfortable, machine, washable and built to last for years. I love my Lola blanket. You're gonna love it too. It is. 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All the links to the As I take a sip of my coffee, all the links to the sponsors and Patreon and book and all that stuff is in the bio J train. Love the show. Saw you in Atlanta and brought a friend. She loved you too. Well, thank you. Most things in my life are great, but I feel most things in my life are great. Man, this is the start of an email that you're like, where are we gonna go? This, this could be anything. Most things in my most things in my life are great, but I feel like I still drink too much. Usually some craft beers in the late afternoons or evening. I can even I can feel it adding to my weight gain and making it hard to get up early in the morning. I know you cut back on your drinking. How did you do that and what are your best tips for becoming an early riser? Man, this is a tough email. I took a month off from drinking and I haven't drank since. I cut back. I and I say I cut back because I I don't want to co opt the sober space. I that is like a little bit of pride. I never saw myself as a bad drinker. If anything, my drinking was only a negative in my life. Unless I heard from someone that was like, no, you made my life a living hell when you were drunk. I haven't heard that. Maybe the door dash guy, he's like, you made me come at all hours of the night. Maybe the guy at the deli I used to order from in the West Village. But I, I've really enjoyed not drinking. But I also like to have a drink and I still say that even though it's been over a year since I've had a drink. And the morning stuff. What are your tips for becoming an early riser? I I don't think alcohol and waking up early go together. I don't think those are two things for me anyways. And, and I the reason for not wanting to cop the sober space. I I never it always feels weir talks about their drinking life and you're like, I knew you then. You were like, fine. The only time I I mean drinking made me lazier. It made me cry a little bit more. It made me, it numbed my feelings and it made it so I didn't have to deal with things. You know, if I were to tell you I, I can you say, how did you do that? I think it start I you Know, it starts with one goal. And I think the reason I, I became, you know, the reason I really liked the one thing I found with drinking. And here's, here's what I, when I, I, I, it started with, so my dad, I'll tell you the story. My dad and I were playing golf and he was like, he kind of was having a Danny Tanner moment. He was like, what would make Jared a happier person? What do you think? And I'm like, what's he doing? And I'm like, I think if I took a month off of drinking, I'd feel a little bit better. And he goes, bingo. Like, he was almost bringing it up without bringing it up. And then I said to my dad, I go, well, I have Rochester coming up, and Rochester's boring. So I got a drink there. And then I was like, but I also have Nashville at the end of the month, and Nashville's so much fun, I gotta drink there. And as I'm saying it out loud, I was like, well, if, if I have to drink when it's boring and I have to drink when it's fun, then maybe we need to, like, address this and make sure that I can not have alcohol at all. So at that point, I decided I would take a month off. I think taking a month off and calling it that and not making it into this big deal. And I didn't say I talked about the month here on the podcast. And then when I kept it going, I didn't really want to talk about it because I didn't want to. I didn't want it to be my personality, and I didn't want to be asked about it every day, because all you want to do when you don't drink is fit in and have the same fun you were having without the alcohol. You don't want it to be brought up every five seconds because sometimes it does hit you. Should I have a drink? Should I not? So this is all to say, for me, it was helpful to have a one month goal, just to make sure I could do that. Because if you get past them, if you can do a month, maybe you don't need to, like, go to AA or don't need to, like, talk to any. You know, maybe it's just, at least, you know, you can do the month. That's how I looked at it. Like, at least I know I can do that. I have control over it. I have authority over it. I. It is not running me. I am running it. And then after that month, I remember thinking to myself, I really do like how I feel when I wake up in the morning. I really do like how I feel that I'm not, you know, full from eating the night before. And, and that's what kind of kept it going for me. And then I started looking at hangouts and I'd be like, is this the one where I want to break the one where I want to give up my morning? Is this the one where I want to give up how I feel in the morning? And that's kind of where it went. I would also say non als non alk beers have been amazing. I had one last night and I don't think you realize how much the drink and the drinking is about having the physical action of going for the drink. I went to a bar last night. I had the beer, it was cold. I drank it. I, all of that physical stuff made me feel like I was having the actual drink. It didn't feel like I was missing anything. And then I got done with that beer and I went back to my, my hotel. So it's been a, I, I do still have moments. There's a bar near me in Delray that I really want to get drunk at and maybe I will. I, I, I think, like admitting you're not above it, but also, you know, it's like driving a car almost. You have to realize, like, the gravity. I don't know, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm making, I'm trying to do metaphors that people have probably tried to do for, since the beginning of time and, but like, you know, driving a car, you do and not. I don't even have one for driving the car. Good job. Jared the comedian. You just gave up on the car analogy. I don't know. I, I, I wish you luck. If, here's the thing, you're writing to me so it's on your mind. Take a month, do one week and non alks are great. Listen, I've sat at a bar and had 4 non Alex. I would sit at a bar. Honestly, if you want to cut back, like, I think bars should offer a martini special for people trying to cut back. I, you know, bars they say are struggling right now. I would go to a bar and have one martini and then keep filling that martini glass with salt water and olives. And I'll pay half of what I would have paid for the actual cocktail just because I like being in a bar. I like being out. I like talking to a bartender. I don't want to take up a seat that could be someone else spending the money. So I think going to a bar and having a non alk and seeing how that feels, give it a shot. But I take a month. You can't do a year without doing a month. The tips for early riser, you know, when I but I, I think once you stop drinking, you'll wake up earlier just without trying. But I would also say I take a 7am gym class every day when I'm in Delray. It's hard to wake up at 6, 10. It's not that hard to wake up at 7, 15. And you realize just that little bit of tough, it's always going to be tough. So if you have something you have to do once I'm done at the gym at 8, I'm like the day has begun. So listen, I wish you the best of luck. Thank you guys for listening back next week. Boom.