A (2:59)

Why? What happened? Why didn't you have sex on the wedding night?

B (3:03)

I just didn't. I, I remember the reason why we grew apart is because I, I wasn't attracted to him anymore. We became kind of like roommates, weren't really doing it anymore, and we got married because I guess we were kind of like, we've been together so long, fuck it, we might as well do it. And then as soon as I remember the ceremony ended, I was like, this was, I don't know why I did this. I over romanticized this. I should never have done it.

A (3:24)

See, I'm someone who bails even when it's going good because I know it's not all there for me. So I understand bailing. Like, I understand being like, you know what? I can see 10ft from here, this is gonna go wrong. And that's not gonna be right.

B (3:48)

And that's not healthy.

A (3:50)

Well, I, I, I guess. Which is healthier because which is more unhealthy. I'm not looking to compare health.

B (3:58)

But you know what I can tell with you. I can tell that your wedding is going to be. And cursing is okay, right? I can tell that when your wedding happens, it's going to be so expensive. I can, I can smell Jared's wedding is going to be 100 grand for the fucking flowers. Okay, I can tell. See, that would drive me crazy because

A (4:20)

I, there's like something about a wedding when you don't care about a wedding and it costs that much money, you kind of do have a moment of like, I was at a really expensive wedding once. Like, I've been to a couple expensive weddings in my days. Yeah, but I'm thinking of one that the most recent expensive wedding. And you're like looking at the flowers and you're like, what is this all worth? It could have been a down payment on a summer home. Like, it's like if you can afford this, like, like, you know, But I guess if you're living in a world where you spend a hundred thousand on the flowers, you're not thinking of what you couldn't have, because you can have. Yeah, I don't know exactly.

B (4:58)

Right. I'm, I'm just, I'm warning you. I'm like, if you are the kind of guy to ditch, be careful what you spend. When you're, when you're planning it out with your lady. Be like, hey, Jared, you know, you're the kind of who will run. You are when she comes to you wanting a custom made Armani tux recently.

A (5:17)

Well, but I understand the person leaving. What's the mindset of staying

B (5:26)

if they are not making your life better? That's my result. That's my reasoning. If you don't feel like this person is making it lighter, then I don't understand the point.

A (5:36)

So. But I'm saying you're at your wedding. You're, you're saying this person isn't going to be long term, but they're making it better now. So you're saying, is that why you stayed now?

B (5:47)

You just want it to work like the first husband I was, I had outgrown him and still did it anyway, thinking, it's been so long, clearly this is where we're supposed to go this time around. I wanted it to work so bad, I didn't care what the hell red flag he put in front of me. Cause I've known this guy, I've wanted this guy for a while. But I lived in la. I wasn't gonna move back to New York without knowing for a fact we were going to do it. So I kind of forgot about it. But when I moved back to New York, he is the one who made all the grand deals. You're back so we can finally do this right? And I got swept up in the attention, the love, the finally. A lot of finally in my head. And then I realized he's not making my life any easier and are, you know, and I was in a relationship now. I wasn't having a good time. I wasn't having fun. Huh.

A (6:35)

Are you in a relationship now?

B (6:37)

No. No one. There's no one. That question is so unhealthy. People are so used to everyone being like, so who's next?

A (6:45)

I'm not asking. The only reason I asked is because I'm wondering, is it Snuggle Nuts? Is that who you're talking about?

B (6:51)

Yes. Yes.

A (6:53)

So Snuggle Nuts. I was gonna, I wrote down in my notes, snuggle Nuts.

B (6:57)

And he liked you. He really, he really liked.

A (7:00)

I was a fan of Snuggle Nuts. And I, I. Because. So listen, everyone needs to go watch Jackie Fabulous's special. It's on Hulu. So this is so great for a night on the couch, a date night, a night alone, whatever you're gonna do. Make Jackie Fabulous a part of your night because she is so funny. It's called you can leave. It's on Hulu. It's there right now. Watch the Bachelor. You watch the Bachelorette on the same platform. So go watch Jackie Fabulous, who I am a fan of. I Love watching Jackie on stage. She's so funny. The one thing I'll say, I'm putting a pin in snuggle nuts. We're gonna come back to this. The one thing I'll say about Jackie.

B (7:43)

Okay.

A (7:44)

I'm know if we've ever gotten this comment. I don't know if you hear this a lot, but I'm not that interesting. I'm, I'm, I'm not that, you know, I'm not, I don't think I'm that, like, whatever, like I, I, I, I don't think I'm a genius, but I. The one thing about your comedy, you have a cadence that I don't think anyone else has. It is, oh, wow, your cadence. And it's so funny. You go on these rolls. I've never heard anyone have the ca. I know. This is so specific. I, but it, it actually feels like, you know how they talk about like asmr. You do like comedy. And have you ever gotten that feedback before? That your comedy has some sort of itch that it scratches in my brain? Because when you get on a roll, you start these long, like kind of run on sentences. Do you know what I'm talking about? Have you gotten this feedback?

B (8:41)

Not often. It takes someone who pays attention to it. But I think my thing has become one of my lists. I inadvertently made lists my thing. And that only come from me memorizing sets. Like I would memorize a set. And in my. I'm a lazy writer. Right. I write, you're being hard on yourself

A (9:00)

in the way we all are. Because there's no lazy comedians. I believe that we work harder than anyone else, so. But I hear, I understand the sentiment.

B (9:12)

Yeah. And when I'm on stage and when I'm on stage and the show is mine and I can have some fun time, that's usually when I start a rant, a natural rant. And if the audience likes it, I will remember. And then I'm like, got a new joke. So it's my way of just turning crowd work and complaining about shit into a new joke. And audiences like the long ass list,

A (9:35)

I think, I think it's so funny. And I, when I watch it, I'm like, it's so Jackie Fabulous. Specific. It's so hard to be an individual in comedy. It's hard to, you know, there's so many topics. If you're talking about your life, you know, you go into certain phylums. But when I hear a Jackie Fabulous rant, that goes the list. I love it so much. I and it does. Your voice goes with it and you're calm, you're not like, you know, I, and I want people to go watch the special because I want people to know this is so you and hear that because when I see you at the seller, I am such a fan of it. And, and I, I hope you know it's a comment. And I, I, I love watching it because I'm like it, it is so you know when someone says, you know when you go, I watch Shark Tank. What's the secret sauce? I'm like, this is such a Jackie fabulous riff that's going. Yeah, it is. And to me it doesn't sound lazy. It sounds well written because you are.

B (10:36)

Yeah.

A (10:37)

Memorizing something that obviously worked in and but it is, it's always fun to watch. So I'm happy to that, you know, I want people to go see the special. It's called you can leave. So the one thing I was going to ask you is because you posted about Snuggle Nuts, this is, this was your boyfriend and now your ex husband.

B (10:57)

I haven't filed yet, but X it's gonna be X.

A (10:59)

Okay. You used to post about him in, in glowing ways. Do you like. Is that how you are relationship?

B (11:09)

I have no regrets. The boyfriend before him, when I lived in la, I'd post him too. I don't see what the big deal is. We're all gonna die right one day and I'm the kind of person and they call it now lover girl. Like I realize now that I'm a lover girl. I'm like, when I'm into it, I don't give a what's love? It doesn't matter. You just, you're very comfortable in being a huggy, kissy lovey, my babe, my boo online and offline. You're just that person. Absolutely.

A (11:39)

A lover girl.

B (11:39)

Because I, Well, I love it.

A (11:43)

That was the one.

B (11:43)

I also think it's fun to be this way.

A (11:45)

And he came to all the shows and he. So he was there but it just. What? It didn't work out.

B (11:51)

He was great for the fun times.

A (11:53)

I got you.

B (11:53)

He's wonderful for fun. But when it comes to real. He can't talk, communicate, work it out, make it easy, help me, you know, the long lists. But when it's time for fun. Cause you know part of why I stayed in was I found him so attractive and I've known him for so long.

A (12:08)

Right.

B (12:08)

So I'm like, I'm like, how often do you get somebody who's hot as Fuck. You've known for decades that you can marry. That doesn't happen.

A (12:14)

Right?

B (12:15)

So when I, when I got it, I was like, I'm sticking to this one. And then I realized, as hot as he is, I am not having a good time.

A (12:22)

So how difficult was that to end

B (12:24)

that it was, it happened. I don't know what he was in touch with. He wasn't a self. He's not a self aware guy. And I did not know about narcissist anything, this disorder until him. I didn't know what it was. Of course, Instagram helped me understand. But then women who also dated men who really didn't cater to them at all. And I realized that I've always in some way or shape or form had a boyfriend or have a boy. Not the right one, not a great one, but there's always somebody filling that space. And I realize now, at 54, I'd kind of want to just enjoy my life and not have to worry about if somebody else is hungry.

A (13:01)

What's the best part about being single?

B (13:05)

I masturbated the other day and as soon as I was done, my first thought was, I am so glad nobody is here.

A (13:11)

Yeah, I mean, I think that's like, that's when you're.

B (13:15)

That's wonderful.

A (13:16)

That is the, the adult moment when you masturbate and you to completion and you go, ah, the whole bed is mine. There's no do I want to be here with this person.

B (13:30)

There's no do I have to make a sandwich or care if they want one?

A (13:33)

Right. There's no thought. That is, that's probably the most relaxing part about being single is, is the most.

B (13:40)

It's the. And it's the best sleep. Even if you don't stay asleep, you will fall into a deep, you know, carefree slumber. And it comes from realizing that it's okay to experience a lot of pleasure and no one's there.

A (13:54)

I think Carefree Slumber would be a great name for a vibrator company like that's

B (14:04)

Carefree Slumber. You don't wanna hear any else's voices but yours. You need to get carefree.

A (14:10)

I love that. So we are sponsored people. Liza Mattress. Get a better night's sleep with a Lisa mattress. Lisa has a lineup of amazing mattresses tailored to how you sleep, each designed with a specific sleep position and preference in mind. With Lisa, you get full body support. No matter how you sleep, you can feel the difference from night one. I have a Lisa, a mattress. I will tell you that right now, it's wonderful. It's great. I love how they know we are all not the same type of sleeper. You want to get a mattress that fits your life, your sleeping habits, that and, and here's the other thing when it comes to sleep. And I, and I know every mattress ad has a version of this, but I, I think if you don't think about it for two seconds, you're going to miss kind of the, the messaging here. Think about how much you're in your bed, how much you sleep. You owe it to yourself to have a great mattress that fits how you sleep because you're not like everyone else. You're your own special snowflake. And Lisa is going to make sure that you have a mattress that's for you. Rest easy when you try Lisa. With free shipping, simple returns and a 120 night sleep trial. That's important. If you don't like it, send it back. Go to Lisa.com for 30 off all mattresses plus get an extra 50 off with promo code J Train exclusive to J Train fans. That's L, EE E S a.com promo code J train for 30 off mattresses plus an extra $50 off. That's some free money. People support the show and let them know we sent you after checkout. Let's Lisa.com promo code J train Lisa.com promo code J train so how is

B (16:05)

dating with you though? What's going on with you?

A (16:07)

Stressful.

B (16:08)

Do you have a girlfriend?

A (16:09)

I am single.

B (16:11)

Why is it stressful?

A (16:12)

I, I get stressed out. I think since turning 40, for me it's been a thought of like, you know, you, I, I think men, specifically me, specifically. I haven't, I never in my 30s, like was counting like, well, if I get Marri Day, what will, you know, and I have the kid next week, they'll be 18. When I'm 72, you know, I think women are doing that way earlier than men. That's not like, that's a generalization that I think anyone would kind of get on board with. But at 40, I started to do the, you know, if you really want to make this happen, like, I'm not going to be Hugh Hefner with like, you know, having a kid at 72 if I really want the next chapter in my story. So, and then I start, do you want it?

B (17:03)

You really want it?

A (17:04)

I think I do. I want it with the right person. And okay, I, I don't need it. I want it with the right person that it would be fun with. And so it's hard because then I'm dealing with my, you know, my cravings, as you're saying. You know, you talk about masturbation and being in bed alone and how good that feels. You have to deal with the cravings that you have for the sexual cravings and the, you know, it's like. And I've never been good at eating healthy, so, like, I. I've, you know, I usually. I want and then I have. So, like, it is. You have to kind of say, like, it.

B (17:46)

It helps me make better decisions. Like, because I haven't been active sexually for almost nine, ten months now. I'm like, when. When the itch comes, I'm like, okay, am I going to text and. Or call someone who clearly is not part of my life anymore? Right? But they'll. They'll say yes. Or can I just rub one out and be like, oh, thank God I didn't text.

A (18:08)

Right?

B (18:09)

I almost, like, I almost text this dude.

A (18:11)

I used to have a friend. I mean, I. I think some men do that. Earlier, I. I had a friend who was like, he was like, I masturbate before every decision I make. I, you know, he's like, there's not one.

B (18:21)

All of them.

A (18:22)

All of them. What do I want for lunch? This would be a good Jackie Fabulous rant. What I want for lunch. You know, like, go through the list. You know, like, I.

B (18:30)

That. That counts for everything. Kevin Hart says, also eat before you go to any. Any meeting, really, because you'll say. You'll say all kind of agree to all kind of. When you're hungry.

A (18:40)

Well, also, eat before you go to the grocery store. You go to. You go to Trader Joe's on an empty stomach. You're going to come home with some crazy shit.

B (18:51)

Your car is going to be filled with gigantic bags of veggie chips that you finish before you get to the first red light, right?

A (18:56)

Dipping it in, like, chocolate salsa because that was their, like, flavor of the month or some crap.

B (19:04)

You tried it when you were there, you were like, why did I buy this quart of chocolate salsa? I do not need this much.

A (19:10)

So the special, it's out on Hulu now. What's your. What's the joke? I like asking this question. What's the joke? You wish you could have worked longer on

B (19:21)

oo. There's one that I forgot, and I just did it on Comics Unleashed. When I tell you this joke bombed. When I tell you this joke did not land on the. Oh, my God. No, no. On Comics Unleashed, I just did it.

A (19:36)

Comics Unleashed is Byron Allen the comedian and like media mogul now. So Byron Allen like made real smart business decisions where he now owns the Weather Channel. I think like owns so many.

B (19:53)

He's so rich. He made, he can make. He made this reference to help us with an analogy of how editing works and during the shoot and he kept saying, don't worry about it. It. It's going to be so good in edit. It's going to be like a deflawless diamond. Just wait, it'll be deflawless. And I'm like, motherfucker, who relates to what the.

A (20:10)

This is going to taste just as good as caviar that you have on the, on the top deck of your yacht. You guys get it? Like what when you're, you know, when

B (20:21)

you're friends with Viera during Independence Day, don't you guys always do this? I'm like, dude, who are you talking to?

A (20:26)

Well, everyone kind of that Comics Unleashed is now back and everyone that that show, they basically have a roundtable of comedians. And Byron Allen comes over to you and says, Jackie, you went to the Trader Joe's nearby earlier today. What happened? And then you get to do your bid. Exactly so.

B (20:47)

And I did that. And the one, the joke that I. I forgot it during the special. I did it during Comics Unleashed, but it works everywhere. But it did not work on cu. And the joke is I'm at the age and this is a 40 and up kind of thing that when I'm out there running errands, when I walk in any marshals, traders or what have you, I have to ask myself, can I here see this? It works everywhere. And I get a loud response. I forgot it during the special and I'm still angry. And I did it on comments. But I said on Comments Unleashed I said, can I poop here? Maybe that's why I didn't work.

A (21:30)

There's words that poop. Some people are anti bathroom humor in a way where it's religious for them. And yeah, that audience. Comics Unleashed I would assume could go that way maybe where they're like, maybe that's it. I don't know. I, I sometimes I hear like I had a comic tell me that they're like, I don't do bathroom bathroom here. And I'm like, I think that's like such a weird thing. Like I'm in the space where it's like, if it makes sense to my life and I'm speaking honestly, then I'm gonna poo all day long. Like there's gonna be poo, there's gonna Be diarrhea. There's gonna be.

B (22:14)

If it happened. If it happened to you, chances are other human beings.

A (22:18)

Right, Right.

B (22:19)

It happens.

A (22:20)

I think it's a weird policy. Like, I. I actually think it's like. Like, my policy. Do you have policies for comedy? Do you have any policies?

B (22:28)

I don't say the word pussy much. I'll do sexual stuff all day long. But the word pussy, after a while, I'm like, I feel. I feel like it puts me in a whole other category that's interesting. I'll stand up. Which I don't mind visiting that category, but I don't want to live.

A (22:41)

Right. I have. You know, I've. There's a part of my act right now where I say that I'm a wuss. And I would. And sometimes I'm like. I would. Normally, in conversation, I would say, I'm a big pussy, but then on stage, I'm with you. It does. I could understand. Like, I kind of have this thing. We kind of have, like, other people's thoughts in our head as we're doing the actual.

B (23:03)

Where I'm like, yeah, the hard P is a lot.

A (23:05)

And I'll just look into the eyes of an older woman, and she's like, jared, you're not that guy.

B (23:14)

Or they cover their face, like, oh, right. And I'm like, really? North Carolina, can we relax?

A (23:20)

You've heard it before. Come on. You have a cat. You've called it a pussycat.

B (23:27)

I don't mind saying dick, though. I enjoy saying dick because to me, I don't always get. It's not anatomical to me all the time. Sometimes, like, he is a dick.

A (23:34)

Right.

B (23:35)

He's not a nice person. A dick moves, so a dick, to me flows. But pussy feels to me, like, come on, girl. You one of us. Can you not just bring us down? I have.

A (23:43)

I have a part of my special. That's tape, but not out where I say cunt. And it made sense to say it, like. And it's shocking. And it hits. And because it is so shocking is why it hits. If I. But I had had shows where I had said cunt earlier in the show. And the second cunt, the real cunt that I wanted to use.

B (24:14)

Too much.

A (24:15)

Too much cunt. You could have a jab. It was like. It was like hot sauce. Like, you can go too far with words. And once they hear it, once the shock is gone, you've lost the ammo.

B (24:28)

The.

A (24:28)

The. The arrow is gone from your quiver.

B (24:32)

And on top of all that, and you're a Man, they're like, why is he saying.

A (24:35)

Right?

B (24:35)

Is this too weird? Seven times. Hey, it was just two.

A (24:38)

And that same old woman that was disappointed in me about pussy, she's in the back of the room. All of a sudden, she's looking at me going, jared, you're not that guy. Like, she's doing the same thing.

B (24:51)

The pep talk you get from some

A (24:52)

people in your ear, oh, my God.

B (24:54)

By the bathroom. I'm just like, thank you, sir. I get. I get a lot of. The other night, I'm like, valentine's Day weekend. I said, look, I know a lot of you. The men are like, I don't know who this is because your wives and your girlfriend forced you to come. When I tell you so many men. And you understand. I'm like, exactly.

A (25:11)

Right, right, right. I mean, I. It is funny when you can read the mind of the audience. I love. I love that with, like, an early show. Like, when I see it, when I. Whenever there's a 6pm show, I know everyone's thoughts. I know what they talked about in the car. I know. And I saw that once with. And it takes time to get to that place where you've been on stage enough. I saw that with Steve Rannazizi. He had a whole bit about what people were going to talk about in the car on the way home or on the way there. And I thought it was interesting that he, like, knew. And they were like. People reacted like it was a magic trick. They were like, we did talk about that in the car.

B (25:56)

And now not realizing, once again, we're all talking, doing and relatable. Doing the same.

A (26:01)

We're all doing the same. So I. So the special is out on Hulu. We want everyone to watch it. You can leave. We're gonna put the link in the bio this episode both on YouTube and anywhere you're listening.

B (26:15)

I. Okay,

A (26:19)

Is there any joke? What was your favorite joke from the special? And then we're gonna play a game.

B (26:26)

Oh, God. I don't have. Okay. Oh, my. I left all this out. I don't. When I taped the special. July 12th. This last July just passed. I didn't want to because I had just moved down from my husband. I don't remember what I said. Where'd you tape it during this? The Triad Theater in New York. 78th and Broadway around.

A (26:47)

I know it.

B (26:47)

I know it. I don't remember what I said in the special. I didn't watch it. I have not watched it yet. When I was supposed to watch it for the edits to okay, it. I lied and said I watched it. I didn't watch anything.

A (26:59)

It is so funny how comedians are all the same because I had that with my special 37 and single. I was like, I can't watch it. I can't go through this. I don't. I'll trust people, do their jobs and do it well. And I was.

B (27:18)

I was like, look, you guys do this all the time. And I know what I mean. Said I. They're my jokes, so I don't need to say. Unless I. Did I fall off the stage and I forgot? No. Then we're good.

A (27:28)

I watch. I watch my. My newer special that's not out yet. I watched that because I. The first. I was like, mad at myself for not doing it the first time. And then I got to the end of it and I was like, this is pretty good. Like, I actually.

B (27:46)

Oh, wow, that's special.

A (27:49)

I want to watch that.

B (27:50)

I've been surprising myself all the time. I'm like, this. I'm like, this is funny, right?

A (27:57)

And I was so afraid of not feeling that for the first one.

B (28:02)

Yeah.

A (28:02)

And that's why I avoided it. Probably for the same reason as you. You're just like, I did it. I lived it. I'm okay with it.

B (28:09)

I'm like, and I remember what I said because I'm the one that said it. Right? Right. So unless you. Unless you don't. Unless I don't remember that I fell off the stage and I need to edit that. I don't need to see it. I'm sure it's fine.

A (28:21)

I have a game for you. We play a game at the end of every chitch. I wanted to ask you, Jackie Fabulous. Which I love your name and I love saying it. I want to play a game.

B (28:37)

And, you know, straight men always give me a problem. A lot of straight guys are like, they pretend they can't spell it. They're like, oh, I don't know, is it fab? I'm like, you don't know how to spell it?

A (28:46)

I mean, there's a song on F, A, B, A. You know, don't they spell in that song?

B (28:50)

Fa, F, A, B, O, L, O, U S is the rapper.

A (28:54)

Okay.

B (28:55)

F A, B, U is the vocabulary word that a lot of straight men lie to me. And I don't know how to spell it. I'm like, you learn how to spell it.

A (29:02)

Why do they have to spell it? In what world we. We live in a spell check generation. What are we talking about?

B (29:09)

When I do clubs and the sound Guy comes to the green room to get your information. A lot of them pretend like, is it F, A, B, U? I'm like, you know how to spell?

A (29:18)

Here's one thing. And no offense to any of the sound guys that now listen to, I don't think they exist. No one is more miserable on earth than sound guy at a comedy club. I have come to learn. I, I, I don't think that they I, I, I think I don't know what the hiring practices are of clubs with finding a sound guy. I don't know. But it seems as though this was not their choice. Not their first, like what they wanted out of life. And now I have to deal with it. The idea that they even have to ask you or is crazy.

B (29:55)

I get it.

A (29:55)

With like the music it used to. That's why I bring my own playlist for, for when people walk in.

B (30:01)

Even. Even though the GMs and when they write me a check is my. The fabulous is written in my company name. All straight men pretend they don't understand the word or how to spell it.

A (30:12)

Well, I understand. My mom loves it.

B (30:16)

See? And you are very comfortable in your sexuality. So you will say fabulous all day long.

A (30:20)

I like to think so. We're gonna play fab or drab.

B (30:24)

Okay.

A (30:25)

I googled things that are fabulous and wanted to see what AI Google would come up with. I took a few of them and I want you to tell us whether they're fabulous or fab or drab. Are they fab or are they drab?

B (30:42)

Got it.

A (30:43)

A warm cup of coffee or tea in the morning.

B (30:48)

I daydream at night about the cup I'm going to have when I wake up. So fabulous. I love.

A (30:55)

So you love waking up to a cup of coffee. That is your moment. That is your fabulous start to the day.

B (31:01)

I love it. Especially there's a brand of Starbucks that is two times the caffeine. Really? And yeah. And I love when I tell you you will wake the up after this cup. I can't wait.

A (31:13)

I do love a coffee moment. The coffee moment that I love isn't in the morning to me. This is Drab. I like 4pm Coffee is like when I can sit and just not think of all the problems I have from the day.

B (31:33)

Yeah. I used I the younger I was. I couldn't drink it late at night. But older. If I have a lot of shows in New York, a good cup before I start the series of shows. I do that too. That's fantastic. Okay. Like right now you need a cup.

A (31:49)

I know.

B (31:49)

I know.

A (31:50)

I'm yawning. As I said. I'm sorry. Okay. Fab or drab? Loosening your jeans after a big meal at home.

B (31:58)

Ah, fine. Fab in public. Drab.

A (32:01)

Yeah. I'm with you at home. But if I'm loosening my jeans after a big meal at home, I'm going all the way. I'm getting into the mesh shorts on the sweat. Yeah, those are going down onto the ground. To me, the fabulous thing at home is seeing the jeans that are on the floor as if I melted. Like the wicked witch of the West.

B (32:26)

It's fabulous at home. What happens. And a man does it. And I cook for him. I feel good. I'm a really good cook. So when I see. When I start to see a man fat enough and his clothes get tight, I like that.

A (32:38)

Really? What do you cook?

B (32:41)

I can cook anything. And even if I don't have it naturally, I can read. I'm very. I can read recipes.

A (32:46)

What's your favorite meal?

B (32:47)

Whatever you like. I really love making, like, jerk chicken. I love the crock pot. I love it. My favorite food is Italian food.

A (32:56)

Really?

B (32:57)

I love a good Italian dinner at a nice Italian restaurant. I try and make that kind of crap at home, but I'm good at cooking. Whatever. Anybody's interested.

A (33:04)

I just went to Carbone and I. I got the opportunity to go to Carbone and, you know, when you go to Italian restaurants now, they all have a spicy rigatoni. The spicy rigatoni? Yeah, they all have a spice, and it started with Carbone. Their spicy rigatoni. It was unbelievable. Sometimes the original doesn't get the credit it deserves because all these restaurants follow them. This is where it started, and it was fantastic. Okay.

B (33:35)

Yeah. You want. You want the Italian restaurant where the waiter does not get mad at you when you ask for pepper or cheese?

A (33:42)

Oh, no, you want. I want that attitude, like, hanging over my shoulder as if he's elf on the shelf, just ready to, like, shake that cheese over my shoulder. Okay. Rainbows and freshly fallen snow. Fab or drab?

B (34:01)

Rainbows. Fab. The snow in New York. And I hear it keeps fucking snowing. I'm in LA now. I come back Monday.

A (34:08)

I'm in. I'm in Delray County. I haven't seen one flake.

B (34:13)

How long you been there?

A (34:14)

I got here in June, and I go back and forth. June?

B (34:18)

Yeah.

A (34:18)

Yeah. I made a move.

B (34:22)

You moved in? Florida, you old man. I thought you were young and trying to enjoy your life. Why you moved to Florida?

A (34:31)

Young and trying to enjoy my life here with all the old people. I was in the car today. I got so mad.

B (34:37)

It.

A (34:38)

It's funny, the old people here, like, add a happiness to me that I never thought. Like, it changes your whole perspective. I was in the car. This car that was in front of me was going between lanes. It was, like, in between two lanes. And I was, like, leaning on the horn. I'm like, move it over.

B (34:57)

Get over.

A (34:57)

And then I pulled up next to them, and it was this old woman that was, like, crumpled up like a wet paper towel. And I was like, I am so sorry. Like, I was beeping at her. I was so angry.

B (35:10)

Do you have temperament?

A (35:11)

What's that?

B (35:12)

To live there, you have to change your temperament if you're going to live amongst people.

A (35:16)

You kept yourself like, you. I have the same temperament. But then you're kind of put face to face with mortality, which I kind of like.

B (35:24)

Yeah, Literally, right.

A (35:26)

I'm looking at her being like, you're gonna yell at this woman on her

B (35:28)

last days on earth?

A (35:29)

She's still driving. She's doing her one errand that she does for, like, the month.

B (35:34)

You know how, like, old people do

A (35:35)

one errand a month and it's all they talk about?

B (35:38)

Her doctor told her to stop driving a long time ago. Freshly. You moved to Florida. Wow. It's fascinating.

A (35:48)

You know, I was like, isn't it huge? Well, I was thinking about it. I was like, you know, as long as it doesn't stop my career, like, why not? And.

B (35:58)

And so the condo that you were. That you bought, that I saw you post about, you bought it in Florida?

A (36:04)

Yes.

B (36:06)

I thought you bought it, like, on the Upper west side. No, you were buying the Comic Strip. You were really living your best New York, young guy life.

A (36:13)

Planted a bunch of palm trees. No, this is.

B (36:18)

Wow. So how are you gonna find your wife out there? I mean, you might be.

A (36:22)

Gonna be older, gonna have to use a lot of lube. It's gonna be a different sexual experience.

B (36:31)

Oh, my God. This man who talks about dating moved to a place where he's gonna make it even harder.

A (36:38)

My dad has said that. My dad is like. Well, my parents kind of convinced me. They were, like, pushing.

B (36:44)

They were like, financially, I get it.

A (36:46)

Financially, they were like, what are you doing? Why would you be in the cold? Like, they're even like, I grew up outside of Boston. Like, my, you know, cold weather. We did it. And they hate cold weather now.

B (37:00)

Me too. I can't stand it. That's why every chance I get, I'm Like, California, Louisiana. Any job, any gig. I'm like, in the summertime, I try and put together weeks of gigs to stay on the West Coast. I hate.

A (37:13)

Where are you from originally?

B (37:16)

Bronx, New York. But I live in. Yeah, but I live in LA. When I was there for 20 years, I didn't really want to come back. I'm still surprised. I am back.

A (37:24)

Yeah. I remember when you first were coming back, and it was right around the time you did America's Got Talent, right?

B (37:31)

Yes. And then Covid. And then you're like, guess where you're going to stay for a minute. New York.

A (37:36)

Do you have family that comes to shows and stuff around New York?

B (37:39)

Do you know everyone's dead or in their mid-80s.

A (37:43)

Okay.

B (37:44)

So it's just as me and the childhood home that I grew up in, probably. Well, it is mine now. So it's like a transition, and everything is different now. Where are your parents live?

A (37:54)

25 minutes away. I'm going out with them tonight for my birthday. I. Oh, my God.

B (38:01)

You're not going to be tied up in your condo naked, getting honey poured all over you for your birthday.

A (38:07)

I do that on Sundays. And the honey guy hasn't been here. He's got to make a delivery. I. It's my birthday this weekend. We're taping this ahead. And my mom.

B (38:19)

Are you turning 40?

A (38:20)

41. And my mom was like, what are we gonna do for your birthday? And I was like, well, we should do higher strippers.

B (38:28)

We're sorry, Mom.

A (38:29)

Well, I was like, well, if I can get the honey guy to get here, you can come over. No, I. I was like, I want to go to the Delray Open. There's a tennis tournament that's happening this week, and.

B (38:42)

With who? By yourself? With guys with the tennis?

A (38:46)

Yeah, I'm gonna go by myself. I was like, I'm gonna go. And I was like, I mean, you'll

B (38:53)

come back with stories of how, like, you creeped out four women inadvertently.

A (38:58)

Jared was alone, eating popcorn at the Delray Open, just staring at women. Yeah.

B (39:05)

In a full tennis outfit.

A (39:07)

That's why I'm bringing my parents, so that they can make me look less creepy. So they're coming with me, and we're gonna go to the Delray Open, and I got some tickets, and I kind of want to make it my thing. Like, I want to, like, I. I. Part of the Delray move was I want to dive into a town. I want to be. Become a part of the tapestry.

B (39:26)

You could have picked Seattle. Well, then my parents wouldn't pay for dinner.

A (39:31)

I want to get the free dinners

B (39:35)

you said. I want to dive into a town. So you move to a retirement community? What?

A (39:38)

The type of Delray is way more than you think it is. Okay, okay, let's do one more. Okay, one more. Fab or drab? Reconnecting with an old friend, Is that fabulous or drab?

B (39:56)

You know what? Fab. Fabulous. I have been doing that with girlfriends because I unfortunately am the kind of person that when I do fall in love, I disappear. And that's a character flaw that I've my whole adult life and I want to. It is a flaw because I've. I've realized that my mental health, I've made it dependent upon a dude to help me feel good about myself. When women. I love them. I love them so much. And I've been. When I come out to la, I find my girlfriends. I've been looking for them all around the country. So I'm fabulous.

A (40:26)

Do you ever have that moment where you reconnect with an old friend and then like five minutes in you're like, oh, we have nothing here.

B (40:34)

Yes, I have. It's happened recently where we went out to dinner and stuff and I'm like, unless we were talking about a particular person or their own lives, she and I had nothing because she. You know what it is? It's hard to date someone who really has a hard time dating. I'm sorry. To hang out with a friend who really does not do well or is not happy or that has no happy experiences.

A (40:57)

I. I'm they.

B (40:58)

Because we're looking at it like, eh, this didn't go well. I'm moving on to the next. And some people are like, I can't. I cannot do this.

A (41:05)

I think negativity and crowd work are one in the same. It's gotta be 90% good, 10% negativity, 90% material, 10% crowd work.

B (41:18)

That's a good point. You're right. 10 is enough. Especially when, you know, you don't. You don't live in the same town. Right. And all the efforts you made to find each other.

A (41:24)

Well, because when someone's that negative, when you hang out, you have this moment of, like, should I think anything's good? Like, how did I. Like, how did I get lucky? You know, that's the problem. You, you talk with someone who's really negative and you, you have like a moment where you're like, maybe I'm delusional. Maybe they're seeing the world for what it is, and I'm missing out on this, you know, like, that's true.

B (41:46)

But we, we, we picked a profession where we kind of. We thrive off of good news, right? Like, we could get good news any day, every day, for whatever reason. A new booking, a TV show, a festival, new joke. And people that we hang out, new

A (42:00)

joke, a new line, a simple prime

B (42:03)

that works anything, right? And if you're around people who are like, who are like, I just don't, you know, people, normal people do not have things to look forward to. I have learned it's about survival for most of the society. Excuse me. And we are kind of like, you know, just a different world, a different life.

A (42:21)

Normal people have nothing to look forward to. That is a great way for us to end this show. I agree. No, I agree. I think, I think when you, I think when you deal with variables, I think as a comedian, I always say we deal with more variables on a daily basis than some people get in a whole month. And daily variables create opportunity for positive and negative, and that's kind of a fun way to live. I agree.

B (42:47)

I want everyone I, I like because we're living and I enjoy it.

A (42:50)

Oh, we are living. And I want everyone to live through Jackie. Fabulous. And watch her special. You can leave. It's on Hulu. Jackie's hilarious. You're going to love the special. You have Hulu already. You should watch it. I'm Jared Freed. You're here every Wednesday with a chit chat. Wednesday, back next week, boom.