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It's a mailbag. Munder, you got problems there? I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag Monday. Hello, and welcome to the J Train Podcast. Is J Train Jared Freed coming to you live from Manhattan? That's right. Every Monday is a Mailbag Monday, where you, the listener, email me the comedian from with your advice questions. If you have a question for the show, send it to J Train podcast gmail.com. that's J Train podcast, mail.com. i'm on the road. I'm in New York right now ahead of the holiday weekend. We are getting ahead. So this is coming out July 13th. I'm taping this on before the. On the Tuesday before the Fourth of July. So what am I taping this? What is the date today? I. The 30th. Oh, my God. Is that. No. Yeah. June 30th. As I sit and breathe, very excited about this summer. We have some stuff coming up, and I just want to thank you, the listener, for being a part of my life. This is. This is all, you know, everything I do. My whole day is spent making podcasts and doing shows and making this thing kind of go. And you guys are a part of that, and that means the world. So I have a special coming out in September, and I. I'll get more specific with the date, but, you know, I. I mean, this is my. My. My ask of you was to make sure that you add it to your queue and watch it as soon as it comes out and share it with friends and, you know, know it was made. It is the story of my life. If you're familiar with me here, then you know me better than maybe some of my friends know me. You know me in a different way. You know, my sensibility. We share that sensibility. This special is about that. This special is a representation of my life. It is about my family, my parents, my. My insecurities, my. It. It is all about going to the beach with my parents and the fights we always have. To me, I've always said the special is like an episode of Seinfeld. If you like Seinfeld, you will like this standup special. It's called the Family Plan. I'm very excited for it to come out. This was a. This was. If you listen to Coffee with J Train, I. I'll probably get more into it. But it was a struggle, you know, the last couple years, working to make this special, you know, done properly and put out on the right on Netflix, which is very exciting. And so I'M excited to have it happen. And, and thank you for being along for this ride and being a part of this podcast because this is a personal thing to me. So you know, this is a mailbag. Monday we won't go too deep, but J train podcast@gmail.com you can send in your emails anything you'd like. Family issues, friend issues, just kind of things that are going on. The the value here is that you're sending it to someone who's not making eye contact with you. I am going to give you exactly how I feel where a friend or a family member might give you half the story they believe. So I'm also on the road. I'm going to be in Red Bank, New Jersey, Foxwoods, Portland, Maine, Huntington, Long Island. I have more dates on the way, of course, always Jared freed.com Jared free.com Some of these some of these questions are from the book tour, so I want to be upfront about that. We we had so many questions on the book tour that we just didn't get to we keep them anonymous, but I wanted to make sure that we kind of got through some of the which are good, but that's also because we wanted to like we do kind of get in a space where we have to preserve emails. So we want you to send yours. Jtrain podcast gmail.com how do you handle hinge conversations where the other person responds consistently but never asks any questions back to you? I encounter this all the time. One example attached three screenshots from the same one conversation. So let's read the conversation. Hi. What's your favorite Jenny's ice cream flavor? No pressure, but there's definitely a right answer here. Haha. I think that is a great opening question. That's a great opening question. It's specific. You love Jenny's ice cream. If you're looking for what should I talk about on an app, this is a great example. And it's also like it's light, it's fun. You're making it serious. And then the person wrote back blackout chocolate cake or ooey gooey butter cake are the go tos for sure. Great. Good answer. They didn't ask a question. That's fine. So then the person wrote back correct. Haha. I was looking for gooey butter cake. I don't think I've actually ever tried the chocolate one, but I'll have to next time. Is the Spotify thing one of your truths? If so, we what sort of music are you are you featured on? So then they get into The Spotify. So they're asking a question about their Spotify stuff or something on their profile. Again, they're zoning in. You know, I love that. You were like, correct. You. You. Yes. And so then the person wrote back. Haha. It is. I did acapella in college. So the group I was in released our albums on Spotify. No answer. Okay. No question. Okay. Starting to feel like you're pestering them, but they are answering you. Right. That's so cool. Again, keeping it positive. I love that. I wish I'd been more involved in stuff like that when I was in college. Being vulnerable, I kind of missed out on that. I love that. What types of songs did you do? Covers or originals? I mean, you're asking the most. Awesome. You are doing it, right? Let me just tell you. You're doing a great job, kid. We did mostly covers. It was a lot of fun at the time. Awesome. So which is the lie then? The Starbucks one. There's, you know, they. I guess there was two truths and a lie and they referenced the. The. The truth. They got the truth. Ah, yes. I'm more of a. So they. Was it the starburst one? Starburst being the candy? Yes. I'm more of a chocolate person. Okay, still no question. Now let's go to their question. Do you just conclude it's not a match and move on? Keep asking questions and pretends it's normal they're not doing the same. Ask them out on a and see if they're more inquisitive in person. Would love your thoughts. I. To me, Let me just say two things. You did a great job. You were positive, you were thoughtful, you were inquisitive. You did a great job. You can't push a string. So you did everything you could do to get them to engage with you. They engaged, but not totally. You kind of wonder what's wrong with them. And if you get angry, you will be wrong. So I would say, I. I mean, to me, I'm turned off by this and it's okay to say to yourself, you know what I. I mean, I think if you noticed it, you felt it. You noticed they didn't ask you a question back. There's some people that might not notice this. Some people just go on and on saying things about their profile and then ask them on a date. Go on the date and have a good time. It could happen. It wouldn't happen for me. I would notice just like you. And I would say, well, who am I going to go out? Why would I go out with a person that hasn't asked me anything back. At this point, I'm quizzing them. I feel like I'm bothering them. I think it's okay to say no to this. I, I think if you noticed, then it affected you and it's not for you. That's okay. This is the problem with dating apps. It's a lot of very okay people to me. You just Talk to Chat GPT ChatGPT would ask you more questions than this person asked. I think the permission you're looking for because what happens in dating conversations and what happens on a podcast, it's very easy for me to be like, look at this fucking piece of shit. They should ask you questions. That. That is, if you and I were friends, I'd be like, fuck this person. Because I'm on a podcast and because I'm answering your question, I have to also acknowledge there are people out there who would go, well, I, you know, think this is fine. And I would say to them, then that's okay for you to go on the date. The problem is you can meet a lot of people on dating apps and a lot of them are just fine. You're not looking for just fine. You're not looking to go on a date. You're not excited to go on. This would be a date I wouldn't be excited to go on because they haven't asked me any questions. They haven't shown that we are a good match, that we have fun talking to each other. We haven't gone deep at all. You want to be shallow but deep. Like I think you tried to do shallow but deep in a great way. I think when you said, that's so cool. I wish I'd been more involved in stuff like that when I was in college. They could have said, what did you do in college? Did you do anything with friends? And you could have gotten into this shallow but deep conversation. Shallow being. It's about college. It's from years ago. Deep being. I wish I had done more clubs. You know, I, I kind of just hung out with my friends and went to bars and got shit faced. And that's a little deeper than maybe you would be with someone at a bar because you're writing by the glow of your phone. So you tried. You gave it a shot. I think you move on. There's other people to meet on a dating app. Jtrain podcast, gmail.com J train, podcastmail.com we have sponsors this week, people. Summer is full of adventures. Last thing you want is to be worrying about your hair. Neutrophil is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand and it's the number one hair growth supplement brand personally used by dermatologists. Nutrafol's hair growth supplements are peer reviewed, NSF certified for sport and clinically tested. It's not a one size fits all approach. Nutrafil offers multiple formulas for men and women tailored to different life stages and lifestyle factors. They make it easy to get support that's right for you. Here's my thing. If I was out there with hair insecurity, there is a list of options. I would say number one on the list is neutrophil. I'm not, you know I'm not going to turkey before I try Neutrophil. I think this is worth a shot. My mom loves it. She uses it. She is using it on regularly asking me for more. Let your hair become one less thing taking up space in your head. See thicker, stronger, faster growing hair with less shedding in just three to six months with Neutrophil for a limited time, Neutrophil is offering J train fans 101010 $10 off your first month subscription plus free shipping when you visit nutrafol.com promo code feather that's neutrophil.com spelled n u t r a f o l dot com promo code feather I have two more sponsors today, but I also have more emails so we'll get to the emails. We have four emails today. Dear Uncle J Train Feather Feather. Love the Walking Red Flag Book and subscribe to the jtcu, including being a U up Benefit subscriber and a coffee with J Trade every week. Oh my God. I can't thank you enough. That's amazing. Thank you. I've got a workplace ethics question. Okay, let me put on my Socrates glasses that's been rattling around in my head. A few months ago, I traveled to Niagara Falls with a co worker after a work conference to protect the innocent and potentially unemployed. Let's call them Megan. Okay to save money. So you're on a A few months ago I traveled to Niagara Falls with a coworker after a work conference. So you're at a work conference that's somewhat adjacent to Niagara Falls. You and this person from the work conference go on your merry way to check out Niagara Falls. Get it? To save money, we split a car rental, shared a hotel room, survived several days in close quarters, and somehow came out the other side genuinely liking each other. We bonded as co workers but also became actual friends who overall, it was a Great trip. It made me feel more connected to both them and our work. Fast forward to now. Right now sounds beautiful. You do this trip with a coworker, you become friendlier with them. You find value in the workplace and the dynamics and you. This is all great. My boss recently told me in confidence that they're considering putting Megan on a six month performance review because they haven't been meeting expectations at work. Reading between the lines, this feels less like helping them improve and more like the clock is starting to tick. Here's my dilemma. Because we're friends now, do I try to find a tactful way to tell Megan they need to get it together? Do I hint that they should be taking work more seriously? Or do I keep my mouth shut because this information was shared with me in confidence and act completely shocked if things eventually go south? I genuinely like Megan. They're a cool person, they're fun to work with, and I'd hate to lose them as both a coworker and a friend. But I also don't want to be the workplace version of a guy telling I don't want. But I. But I also don't want to be the workplace version of a guy yelling the British are coming. When nobody asked me to. So what's the move here? Am I a bad friend if I stay quiet or a bad coworker if I say something, if I should say something? How do I approach this? We work virtually, so there's literally. We work virtually, so there's no way to grab a coffee at and speak in per. We work virtually, so there's no way to grab a coffee. There's no way to grab a cup of coffee and speak in person. I'd love to hear your thoughts and thank you for the laughs. Monday through Friday signed a girl who just wanted to see a waterfall and somehow ended up in an ethics seminar. Well, thank you very much. You know, part of this a little bit is, is my job on the line because, you know, what if I tell you to do the wrong thing and then you lose your job and now you can't give money to coffee with J Train or you UPS benefits. This is. I'm involved here financially. I'm kidding. But I do think, you know, this is tough. I don't work in an office. If I. I'm the type, if you know, to speak personally, I'm the type to go say something to them. You wrote something and. And again, if you didn't, I wouldn't think you were a bad friend. I. If you were like Listen, not my place. They're always gonna be my friend no matter what happens. And this is something that I'm just gonna take to the grave no matter how long this friendship goes. I could understand that. That's a. That is an option. That is the easiest option, but you did write something that I want to make sure gets pointed out. You said, they're a cool person, they're fun to work with, and I'd hate to lose them as both a coworker and a friend. So your life is made more difficult if you lose them at work. Your peace might be rattled by whoever the new person is that comes in. And it doesn't seem that you're being held back financially by them being at the workplace. It seems like based on your email, you believe. I don't know if this is the truth, but you believe your life is enhanced by them being a part of your work and personal friendship. So that's why my advice is. And, And I just don't understand. I know you work virtually, but maybe you guys live miles apart. You say a cup of coffee is not something you can do. We work virtually, so there's no way to grab a cup of coffee and speak in person. So if that's not possible, I do think taking a walk and having a phone call after work hours and telling them, hey, want to go on, like a walk? You know, I'm going to go for a walk. Do you. I got to kind of talk to you and I. And I think the mistake, the mistake is in your question. Do I hint that they should be taking work more seriously? I don't think you do hints. I don't think you, you. I, I think with this, you tell them that you know you are risking your job by letting them know because you're risking the confidence your boss had to tell you as a friend. Well, again, now that I say it out loud, I'm like, maybe this is bad advice because you know, you have to be. So again, path of least resistance is saying nothing, you know, nothing. Hope for the best, expect the worst. Expect that they might get fired, but hope that they don't because you really like having them as a coworker and a friend. Based on your email, though, you say that you. It seems like they're fun to work with. I'd hate to lose them as both a coworker and a friend. I think if you said to them, hey, I'm going to tell you something that could put my job in jeopardy, but I'm doing it because I think it's the best for my career and yours. And I need your promise that you know, your word that you're not gonna bring me into this. But I'm just giving you a message. I think that's how it has to be started if you're gonna let them know. And I think you need to let them know exactly what you know. This is everything I know so that you can make the best decision for you. It may be that your friend says I needed to know so that I can get the jolt I needed to be better at work. Or I needed to know because I've been slacking off, because I'm looking for other, you know, work opportunities and that's why I've been worse off and why they maybe want this review. I. I think any form of hinting and, you know, giving them half of what you know is a mistake. So it's either nothing or all in. I'm here to let you know I love you as a coworker and I don't want to lose you. So this is what I know. But please don't involve me any more than I'm involved. I'm involved right now because I want you to have your job. Because again, if you didn't say that they're you, you'd hate to lose them. I wouldn't advise this, but it seems as though you believe your job is made easier by having them there. So it's an all or nothing play. Is my advice bad friend if you stay quiet? I don't think so. I. I think you know, am I a bad friend if I don't tell someone that when I went into their work I thought they weren't good at their job? I don't think so. I. You know, you'd hope you wouldn't think that this is a that's a tough one. J train podcast@gmail.com J train podcastmail.com no one likes going to the Dr. Zoc doc mate takes the stress out so you can focus on what matters most. Zoc Doc is a free app and website that lets you search and compare local and in network doctors. They have more than 150,000 provide 150,000 providers across all 50 states. Read reviews from real patients. See full doctor profiles Click to instantly book an appointment when you find the right one. I am a huge fan of Zoc Dock. It is really hard to find a doctor you and especially if you move somewhere new when you move somewhere new where you don't as many have as many friends or family in the area. You're looking to crowdsource a doctor and Z doc has the greatest amount of people to kind of crowdsource for that. I and I love that it you know you can that you know it's going to fit your provider and it's going to make it so you can find the right doctor for you. Most doc doc appointments happen within one to three days of booking. You can even get same day appointments. Zocdoc is the easiest way easiest way to find primary care in your area and it's free to use your health matters and taking care of yourself shouldn't be complicated. Find and book the right doctor with Zocdoc head to Zocdoc head to ZocDoc.com that's hard to say. Head to Zoc Doc.com J train to get started and check that appointment off your to do list. That's Z O c d o c.com j train zocdoc.com/j train thanks Zocdoc for sponsoring this message. I have one more sponsor, but we have two more emails Jared Fairly new fan. I saw your show in Philly and haven't laughed that hard in a very long time. Love what you do. Oh that makes me feel good that that when I saw your show in Philly. Haven't laughed that hard a long time. I'm fairly new fan. That is like it's rushing through my veins. That's exactly how I see it going. And if you have a friend that's looking for a podcast, let them know this is a daily show baby. I have a dating question. I'm a 38 year old female and about 6 months ago I unexpectedly lost my brother. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. I took a break from dating after that, but I'm starting to feel ready to get back out there. My question is how and when would you bring something like this up while dating? While I'm on the apps, I'm not sure if this is something that belongs in a prompt in early text conversations or if it's better saved for an in person date. Family has always been a big part of my dating conversations as I'm very close with mine and it tends to come up naturally. I don't think I'd become hysterical talking about it, but I might get a little teary and I don't want to scare anyone away. At the same time. This is part of my life now and want to introduce it with care for them and for me. How would you suggest addressing this and how would you Personally be turned and would you be personally turned off by a real emotional conversation like this one on a first date? Signed a grieving batch. Well first, I'm so sorry. I've never dealt with something like this. So my advice is coming from a place of I guess the other side and then that's what you're looking for. I would not be scared away by someone talking about a family member that passed. I, I've, I've had conversations like these on a first date and it's never rung unready in a dating sense. You know, I've never walked away from that being like, well and, and I think it's, that's never been my feeling on, on this, this side of the table when she, you know, I can't tell you when to bring it up other than bring it up when you feel comfortable. And I do believe is my true belief there's no such thing as to anything. You are a sane person living here on earth. I think one thing we have to remember in dating is you are not standing there in a straight jacket in a padded room. You are here amongst us. You are living, breathing, wonderful person who has emotions just like I do and everyone else does so and is going through this shitstorm called life and hurtling around this great big sun. I can give you a million ways to say it, but we're all in this. So if you're on a first date and family comes up and you start to get a little teary eyed talking about a sibling who has passed away. And again, I'm so sorry about that. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can't imagine if someone said that was too soon for them there they weren't the right match for them. I don't think that will happen. If you decided not to talk about it and waited until you felt that you could trust someone and felt sharing with them was something you wanted to do and they, they held it against you that you didn't bring it up earlier. I would also say they're not the match for you. I don't think you're missing out on someone if you tell them on your terms. And so you know and that, and I'm presenting you with two different people that I've never met. So I'm giving you hypotheticals. The person that would be like, oh my God, they brought up their, their sibling who passed on the first date. I've never met that person. Oh my God, they brought up the. They wouldn't, they didn't Tell me about their sibling who passed until the fifth date. I've never met that person. So I know we're fearing the unknown and we tend to make the unknown the most evil version, you know, the worst possible scenario, which oftentimes doesn't exist. So that is all to say, you know, I think the one part that, like, it is a, it's going to take time. You might tell someone early on and go, oh, I don't really like how that felt. And you gotta switch maybe for the next date or it's person dependent. I think it's more person dependent. I think you could be on a great first date where family comes up and you feel comfortable telling the person across the table from you. And I truly believe that no date is good or bad. You know, is, is, is made worse or because you were vulnerable. I don't think that's, I don't believe that to be true. So I hope that all made sense. I hope I wasn't too rambly. I, I really do think it's okay to be emotional on a first date. I think it's also okay to wait for someone to earn that from you. So again, in the, in on social media, that answer sucks. That answer will get me no views, but it is the right answer. So I wish you the best. And I also think if you start dating and this conversation becomes too hard to have and, and dating doesn't feel right. Take, take your time. You know, I think. I can't imagine. I'm so sorry. And because, you know, you were at my show. My family's important to me too. And that's. This is tragic. So I don't know what it's like today while this is going on. And I just don't think there's a wrong answer, however you're doing it. And I think, I think the best thing to do is to, you know, on a date sometimes it's knowing how to tell your own story. And maybe you don't know that until you try it a few times. Like, you know, and that story could change, you know, the story you tell. And, but, but also be assured, everyone goes on a date with luggage in their hands and luggage being the things they're carrying with them, quite literally. And it would be surprising to find out that someone couldn't handle hearing about other people's luggage. I just don't think that. I think we're fearing something because we haven't experienced that. And you'll find that most people are generally pretty good with that. And if they're not. Fuck them. J train podcast@gmail.com J train podcast.com we have a new sponsor, Casper. Your bed is. When your bed is where you spend at least one third of your life. We've heard that before. Make your bed per you want a great bed. Having a bad bed. I have had that happen to me. It is awful. It changes your whole day. It makes you in a worse mood. Casper is an amazing mattress. Casper makes reliable, high quality mattresses. You'll have a consistent, comfortable sleep night after night. 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We have one more email. This is a chock full episode. We got a a lot here. I love it. Really great questions. This is another one from the book tour which I just thought was great because it's the time of year. What is a good pickup line to pick up foreign men in town for the World Cup? I love this. The World cup is your greatest opportunity to socialize with people who could end up being your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your spouse or anything in between. The World cup is because here in America, generally if you're out watching the World cup, you're there to be part of a happening. You're there to be social. It is a great event. And because most people just don't care, you might meet a couple people, they're wearing the jersey, they're screaming at the tv. Fine. But the World cup. The. But the World cup is such an opportunity. The opportunity is here to meet new People to be in a. To have a reason. You know, there's no. What are you doing out tonight? What am I doing? I'm here for the game. Do you care about any team? No. Here are three things. Three things you can say to someone who's watching a World cup game. Who you got? Who you got? That's all you gotta say. And if I'm you, I would bet on one of the teams. Put a dollar. You can go on any betting app and put a dollar on a team. Now you're in. Now you got a team. Who you got? And if they say nobody, that's a great start of a conversation. If they say, I'm here for this team, that's a great. What makes you team? Well, my grandma's from there. Now you're in a conversation. The second thing is. I, I, I, I had two. The second thing is, I like. There are two things. Here are two things you can say when you go watch a World cup game. Who you got? Number one. Number two. I love your shoes. I think that's the best opener in the world. I love your shoes because your shoes are not sexual. They are your own personal art project. They are. Oh, my God, I picked these up here. Or I got this deal there. And it is a conversation that someone can continue. If they don't continue it. Oh, these are just nothing. I'm watching the game. That, that you will know very quickly. But I love your shoes. Oh, my God. I got these at this place. They're the most comfortable shoes in the world. I hate these shoes. They're so uncomfortable. Comfortable shoes start a conversation. And it is very positive and fun to tell someone you love something about them. And now. And you're saying it about shoes. It's not love your top. That would be hard for me to say to a woman. It would also convey, like, what do you mean, top? What do you, you know, Are you looking at my boobs? I don't know. Love your shoes. Those are my suggestions for World cup openers. I'm trying to think of a third. What I. Are you a soccer fan? I think that's a good third question. Are you a soccer fan? Are you really a soccer fan? Because everyone in America specifically, and you asked where to pick up lines for foreign men in town if they're a big soccer. Yes. I've been following my whole life. I watch epl. What's epl? Is that like the Internet? No, English Premier League. See, these are things that get you started talking. So here are my three questions. Who you got in the game. I love your shoes. And are you really a soccer fan? If they're like, it's football. Thank you. Now you've met a douchebag. Good to know you can walk away. Cool. Nice to meet you. Got to go. J train podcast@gmail.com. we are here every Monday with a mailbag. Monday. I love doing this show. Keep telling your friends. I we will be back next week. Boom.