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It's a mailbag. Munder, you got problems there. I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag Monday. Hello and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is Jay Train Jared Freed coming to you live from Delray Beach, Florida. That's right, every Monday is a mail bag Monday, where you, the listener, email me, the comedian, for advice. That's the show. The show doesn't happen without your emails. So I just got word from V, our producer on this show, that we need some mailbag Monday emails. So all you got to do is email jtrain podcast gmail.com. that's J train podcast, mail.com. honestly, it could really be anything. It could general. It could be specific. We like a specific story. But it's got to be honest. Something that you're going through that you want to hear. Someone who can speak to you anonymously. That's the power of this show. I'm not holding back. I'm not your friends. I'm not your parents who dance around a subject. I don't know you. I'm not making eye contact with you. I can speak to an email that you wrote. Sometimes you write things in your email that give me a little clue that you might not even be thinking you're giving me, which is the real fun of this podcast. And I've been doing it for over a decade now. Yeah, I'm an old man who's been doing this a long time. I love doing this show. So email the show jtrain podcast gmail.com. share with a friend. Tell a friend we have two sponsors. And how do you pay for this show? You either support the sponsors only if they can support you. That's my. You know, I'm not here to, like, force you to get anything, because honestly, there's other ways to pay for this show. You can join the Patreon. Patreon. I do coffee with J Train. This week on Coffee with J Train, you're gonna get all about my trip to. If you go sign up right now, my trip to Tempe to do shows. There's lots of stories from Tempe. Went on a guided hike, went with my girlfriend. I'll be talking about that, having dinner with my family and how horrific that was. I lost my AirPod maxes. There's a whole bunch of stories that are going to be told there. I haven't done it yet, but I already know what I'm going to talk about. You can share this with a friend. There might be an email today. That you and your friend talked about this subject. I want you to send it to them. So, Jared, you're always. We'll do our first email. We get right into it. Jared, you always give the best advice and I'd love your take this. I'm 31, met a guy, 43. So 3143. Okay. In spring 2024, at a cafe he own in our city. Spring 2024, it is now spring 2026. So it's been two years. These are things that you're like, yeah, we know we can do the math. But I think when you say two years versus spring 2024, I think it hits different. A friend introduced us. Okay. So there's a friend involved at the time. He was married and co owned the cafe with his wife. That summer they had a very mus. They had a very messy public separation after he found out she cheated. And he was left dealing with the emotional fallout. Their three young kids. Brutal. Three kids cheated on publicly. Again, you're the couple that owns the cafe. You are public figures in this ecosystem. Like that's hard. He a. He first asked me out December 2024. So spring 2024, you meet, he has the wife. Now he has the messy breakup over the summer. And then December 2024. This all makes sense to me. But I said no because it felt like he was still healing and dating around. Well, okay. I, I sure. Okay. Which was a red flag. It's funny. That guy gets cheated on, ask you out. He's dealing with stuff you're talking about. You are basically telling him how he feels. Which I, I think I don't have a lot of rules here, but can't tell you how to feel is rule one now. Now listen, if you said, I don't want to date someone going through a divorce who dates around. I am looking for serious. That's a different way to write that sentence right now, again, blame me out of you. I didn't want to date. That is owning it. Owning your feelings, owning what you want. You did not do that. Then in July 2025, we reconnected, really hit it off, started dating from the beginning. Also, she's intimating, she's, she's insinuating that he dates around, that he became some somewhat of a playboy. When you say he's still healing, that's, you know, healing and dating around. Those are maybe the same person. There's a middle part of the Venn diagram. But you're saying two different things from the beginning. So you then July 2025. Now he's a year out of the. The cheating scandal and breakup. I don't know if he's actually divorced. Divorce, but three kids. So things are intertwined. So July 2025, a year later, reconnected, really hit it off, started dating. From the beginning, I was clear that I wanted marriage and kids. Oh, my God, he's gonna have 80 kids. This guy is gonna be repopulating the earth. And he said he wanted the same. Okay, he's. He was. I mean, having more than three kids. I. I was just talking about this, like, if. If someone has four kids, I'm like, okay, what's going on here? What. What. What farm are we working on? We live in a time where four kids. You go, what's. What's happened? What's the story behind this? I've got three. Then I remarry. She wants kids. Okay, this is a lot. He better be father of the year. He was still in the middle of finalizing his divorce. As I said, these things take a long time. But over the next few months, things got serious fast. I met his kids, family, friends. He met mine. He told me I was in. He told me I was the love of his life and exactly what he wanted in a partner. Those are great things. I really believe this could be my future husband. Oh, we're. I'm feeling a turn coming again. I read these with you. I don't know what's going to come next. Then in January, then in January. So this past January, his energy shifted. He told me he was overwhelmed. He told me he was overwhelmed by work, finances, the cafe, and being a dad and didn't feel like he had the capacity for a relationship right now. Yeah, he was listening. Everything. Every one of us writes a check. At some point. You gotta cash the check. Cafe owner with three kids. Let's have some more. And he's 43 already. I mean, I. There's a point where you're in love and then you, You. You hit. And then reality. Then you, hey, we're gonna cash that check. Do you have enough money in the bank? And he starts going, ah, hold up. So I. I can. Everything he says, I would understand. Didn't feel like he had the capacity for a relationship right now. He kept saying he saw me as his future wife and the future stepmom to his kids, but that he just couldn't fully show up. Then in late February, he basically backtracked even more. Said he couldn't picture me in his future house and needed to focus on himself and his kids. Since the breakup five weeks ago, he's been confusing. He suggested a lunch a couple times and followed through. Texted me on my birthday when I reached out last week to get my stuff back. Oh, he texted me on my birthday, and when I reached out to get my stuff back, he never replied. Yeah, because get my stuff back finale. That's the, that's, that's a final. That's a. That's a We're done. Get my stuff back has finality to it. Happy birthday. That keeps the ball in the air, keeps you as an option. You keeps you in his life. Someone. Here's the thing that, like, we don't want to really deal with is you make him feel good, but he also doesn't want the responsibility of you. So he wants to keep you on the shelf and then have his feel good juice anytime he's feeling a little down, a little lonely. I, I don't mean to compare you to juice on the shelf, but when you say, well, I want my stuff back, and he's gone radio silent, well, that doesn't really. That. That takes you off the shelf. So now I'm torn. Is his silence the answer and I need to move on, or do I follow up one more time to get my stuff back and some kind of closure? Again, get my stuff back. Different than and some kind of closure. See, See, this is the reason he doesn't answer the text. You're lying to yourself. You I text him to get my stuff back. He didn't answer. No, I technically get my stuff back and to get some closure, and he didn't answer. That's the real sentence that you wrote the second time. I know part of me isn't just asking for my things. I mean, your boy Jay Trey knows what he's talking about. I also want acknowledgement. Okay, I don't understand. You want acknowledgement that this was special to him. I think you need to expand on that for yourself. Don't ask questions that you don't know how to answer for yourself, because right now, and to make, and to make it worse, his cafe is one of the most popular spots in my city. Oh, no. But where will I go for my coffee and lattes? I. Listen, I, I, I understand. That's a tough thing to lose. My friends still go there, and it's right next to a gym I own with my friends, so it's hard to fully detach. Well, it's hard to fully detach without a breakup. A breakup is full detachment. Because a breakup means that if he back There has to be asking you out again and apologies and how have I changed? The thing that we forget about a breakup is how much it means to re engaging with you. It makes the mountain a little bit higher. That's why people don't break up. That's why people ghost. So they can come back from the dead. Do I follow up or let the silence say everything? So here are the texts. Hi, Kelly, I hope you've been well. I'm trying to find out where they start. That's March 3rd. March 22nd. March 10th. Okay. Hi, Kelly. I hope you've been well, that doesn't sound like someone I have this, like, torrid love affair with. I agree with what you've said. It's taken time and reflection to see that more clearly. I also think it would be good to talk more in depth with you. When the time is right. Maybe we can meet for lunch somewhere. Hey, Blank, I appreciate you saying that. I've thought about it and I'm open to meeting for lunch then. No answer. Okay, so that's one I, I, I guess that's one text. And then he responded to that. Hi, Kelly. I hope the message finds you well. My mom wanted you to know that your flowers are still looking lovely. I also wanted to see if you'd have time for lunch this week. Let me know. Okay, so he responds to the lunch. Hi. Hey. I'm pretty booked up this week, but could do the but could do next week on Monday, Tuesday or Thursday. Let me know what works for you. I'm glad your mom is still enjoying the flowers. So then he doesn't say anything. Weeks go by. That was the 10th, and now it's the 22nd of March. Happy birthday. I hope you had a wonderful day. Oh, okay. Then you write back, thank you. Hi, Blank. Is there a time I could we, Is there a time I could grab my things from you next week? Okay, so we've read the text. He's avoiding. He doesn't want to talk to you about real things. He's offering, but not really meaning that obviously when you say, hey, let's do lunch, and then you say, hey, I'm open to meeting for lunch. And then you go Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and then they give no answer. They're not engaging with you. Honestly, the whole thing here feels off to me if I'm to give you inside the mind of a man right now, as I see it, these texts are very professional. He is trying to keep you at bay and keep you in professional territories. He is trying to not get in trouble. He is very much being careful and tiptoeing around you so that you don't have some explosion or kind of shake up his world. He likes his world. He understands his world, you might say, well, he's divorced. He's got nobody's got three kids, the cafe. He's got all these things on his mind, but he knows how to handle that. He's holding all of those ropes. He's putting his hand in all the holes that have the water coming into the ship. Shaking you up is adding another hole that he's not sure he can handle. So that's what he's being like, hey, Kelly, I hope you've been. Well, that doesn't sound like two people who have been intimate. You sound like two people who have businesses next to each other. Not boyfriend, girlfriend. Which is why your message to me being like, hey, I want some acknowledgement. I think you're right. Now you guys are being safe, and with safety comes lack of communication. There's no communication here. You're not saying how you feel. You're. You're being more human with me than you are with him. I think you're fearful that you're going to lose something you don't have. I think of, you know, your text. I'm pretty booked up this week. Like, that's not how I would ever talk with someone that I was being honest with. That's how you talk with a business associate, and it is how you talk with someone you've been intimate with. If you are afraid of what being honest and human when will bring back. He's afraid of you. You're afraid of him. You're afraid of two different things. He's afraid of you getting, like, angry at him. You're afraid of him, like, basically telling you what you don't want to hear, which is, hey, I had a really good time getting to know you. It's not as deep as I thought it was or said it was. And I'm moving on because you guys, honestly, you guys are being safe. If the one thing you have in common is you don't want to mess up the cafe that's next to the gym. You have all these. You're being safe. That's my takeaway from all of this. Do I follow up or let the silence say everything? No, because you're still dealing with your problem. Your problem is, hey, a place that I own, a place that I enjoy, the cafe, the gym that I own, the friends that I have, they are all made a little bit more awkward. And difficult because I had this relationship with this guy that is just kind of sitting out there. My advice to you, you break up with him, it's over. Yeah, he might come back to you. I can't speak to that right now. Today it's over. You're not going to get tomorrow because you left it alone today. You will get whatever tomorrow brings, whether it's friendship or a more comfortable relationship with your gym and the cafe. If you take care of this today, it needs a breakup. He's not going to do that. Hey, I. And I would speak like a human. Hey. This whole text between us has been odd to me. You and I had a very intimate relationship, one that I cared about, one that I saw a future for. That is over. I need to end things with you so that I can move on with my life, with my gym, with my friends who go to your cafe. And this is holding me up from that. Because right now he's. He's willing to let this be kind of the unsaid thing forever. I think you. You're emailing me so you feel a certain way about it. I would get in front of it. You need a breakup. I think getting together. And I want my stuff. And to be honest, I wanted my stuff so I could have one last talk with you. Where I wanted acknowledgment. And then here's my homework for you, which means this to me. J train podcast@gmail.com J train podcast@gmail.com. three emails every Monday. You got to send them in. Send them in. Two sponsors. Herobred. I got to say, hero bread is a lifestyle. It is bread that has less calories and more fiber, keep you fuller, longer, with less calories in your body. It's great bread that's fluffy. I keep it in the toaster oven. It is great. All right. Keep it. I keep it in the freezer. It's great freezer bread. You're having breakfast in the morning. You do your egg whites, you do your like turkey sausage. You put a little, you go put. Throw it in the toaster oven. It is great. You don't have to stop eating bread to look great for summer. Just get some hero bread. Hero bread is high in fiber, low net carbs with zero grams of sugar free bagels and pastries for breakfast on the go. Hot dog and burger buns for holidays and cookouts, pasta and tortillas for healthy lunches and nutritious dinners. You'd never know. Hero bread is low net carb, high fiber. It tastes great. And the texture is fantastic. I agree with all that. I have had the Hero noodles. They're awesome. Elbow Mac and cheese. I put a little cheese in there. Salt, pepper, it was great. Hero Bread is a great way to get some extra protein in your diet while you still enjoying all the bread dishes you love. Hero bread is offering 10, 10, 10% off your order. Go to Hero Co. Use code Feather at checkout. That's code feather@hro co. Two more emails, Keith. Sending them in. I am on the road. St. Louis, Norwalk, Connecticut, Vegas, L.A. jacksonville, Austin, the Hamptons, Maine, Cleveland, Ohio. Added to the calendar. Ring that bell. We got a new city. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Love going to Cleveland. Hilarities. Great, great club. Jared. Feather. Feather. I saw your Salt Lake show. It was fantastic. Thank you. I'm writing for advice about a friend's situation, for context. My friend and I are in our early 40s and have been friends since sophomore year of high school. Okay, sophomore year, early 40s. We both grew up Mormon, but I left the Mormon Church right after high school, and she did not. She went to byu, married young, had four kids. Again, the four kids thing. Like, I, I. This is a very. Again. Oh, you have four kids? What? Really? Yeah, we're Mormons. Okay, answer to my question. In the last few years, she has left the Mormon Church and gone back to school to start a career. I'm so proud of her, but I find myself getting annoyed at how sheltered and inexperienced she is. Ooh, this is tough. Because she's not your responsibility. She's your friend. There are responsibilities to being a friend. But, you know, the idea that you have to guard her, protect her at all times. Not really. You know, she is still an adult who has four children and has gotten this far. So, for example, she wanted me to hold her hand while she did things such as try coffee for the first time, get a tattoo, pick out a sleeveless shirt, say a swear word, buy a vibrator, et cetera. My, this is a lot. On the one hand, I'm proud. I'm so proud of my friend for broadening her horizons. On the other hand, I'm constantly biting my tongue so I don't blurt out, you're 43 years old. How are you so stunted? Am I the. How do I channel my frustration so that I can be a better friend? Sincerely, ex Mormon. I. I don't think you're an. I think that is how you feel. And that's totally valid. I think, understanding. Like, I think it's, you know, I guess the, the part of this email that, like, is hard to make sense of is, like, is she coming back to you because she has no one to go to? You know, like, I, I don't think that in the times, you know, you're in your early 40s, you knew each other at 18 because you went to high school together from 18 until your early 40s. That's, let's just call it over 25. Let's call it 25 years. That is a quarter of a century. That's crazy. Is it a century century? A centine. 100. That would really. But I'm saying 25 years is a fully grown adult. So, like, I don't think you guys have been you maybe you did pleasantries. So, like, I think the idea that you guys are just friends to me, they, I would feel a little used. But you're doing a nice thing. Like, I think the idea that, like, they're coming back to you because they've escaped this again. Escaped. There are a lot of happy Mormons out there, so. But I know people leave the church, leave all religion in their own ways, and, you know, all religion is this group, and you're leaving the comfort of this group. And maybe it's hard for her to have the friends she once had, the moms that she once was around. And you are doing a nice thing by like, hey, now that you're off that island and you're here on the mainland, welcome. Things have changed in 25 years, but not, you know, again. I, I, I don't think, I don't think I would bite my tongue, but I think there's ways to say, how are you so stunted? But I think you know the answer that, that don't ask questions you know the answers to. That's my feedback to you. How are you so stunted? Yet she went, she was, she got married early. She has four kids. She was in the church. They didn't deal with things like a vibrator on a daily basis. That was not in her worldview. So how isn't the question. I think it's more being honest and upfront with her. Like, yeah, this is, like, what it is. I think a little, I think it's, like, called tough love. What you need to do or what the, you know, the direction you need to go to. Yeah. And I think it's like, not about, like, telling her what to do or how to do it. It's just like, this is what happens. Yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah. You're gonna go on A dating app, and someone's gonna say some pretty horrific things to you. They're not going to be, you know, hi, Josiah. You know, it's not gonna be like that. I, I, I, I don't, I think being shocked is the not like, let's take for an example this podcast. Nothing that gets written here to me is met with shock. I think that's important. That's why I always had comedians on this podcast to answer emails. I thought comedians were the perfect response to an advice question because all scenarios are welcome. I've never heard a scenario. Oh, oh, oh, Rachel, how could you ha. You don't know. How are you so stunted? That's not the important part. The important part is the, is the question, what's going on? They've built a reality high. I've left the Mormon Church. I have four kids. I'm newly divorced. I, I am looking to leave the church and enter this new world. Here I am. How do I use a vibrant now, if you don't have time for that, I would understand. Hey, I have new friends. You're more than welcome to come hang with me and my friends. We're going to go get some coffees after work. A coffee? But how? I think they need to be not naive. They're entering, like, a new world, and you need to not be naive because that's kind of insulting all around. How could you've never had coffee? Yeah, you know my deal. This is a big deal for me. Okay. Now, do you want to be friends with that person? I don't know. That's okay. I, I, I, how much do you want to open up your life to them? I think that's really the question you need to ask yourself. How much do you, how much time and energy do you want to give to this person who, again, for 25 years, I, I think maybe you guys re saw each other around your hometown or talk. Doesn't sou talked that much or had that much in common. And now you might be their only person to reach out to, which is sad. And again, it would take, it would take a lot of. It would be very nice of you to open up your life and your time to them. But, like, try coffee. If someone called me from high school, I'm trying to think of, like, a friend. I haven't really, I've, I've kept up with, but I've never spent time with from high school. Hey, I'm going through this time where I'm leaving the church. Like, I also need them to understand that they're taking up my time that I'm doing them a favor. I think that's part of it too. Hey, like, I'm happy to help you with this, but like, this is like a part of my day. Like I, I, I, I'm not just here as your tutor. Like, I, I think that's kind of the thing I would be understand feeling. J train podcast.com j train podcast gmail.com Factor Eating healthy feels complicated until you try Factor. Factor meals are designed by dietitians and prepared by real chefs. Ready in two minutes. No planning, no cooking. Factor has a wide variety of meals, all made with nutritious, nutrient dense ingredients. It's easy to fit into any diet goal or schedule. Okay, I have had Factor before. One, it's delicious. Two, it's portioned. Three, it is in a container that you can pop right in the microwave or you can put it on a skillet. I've done a skillet. It's really good. I think when you're eating for one or two, it's really hard to know the portions. If you're trying to be healthier, it's hard to be creative. Factor's gonna have different stuff every week, which I, I, I just love. They did it like a chicken parm with noodles and I just loved it because I was like, okay, this is the amount of chicken parm I should be having. I liked it. It's great. Check out Factor's new ready to eat salads. They're a great healthy option on the go. Again, this is all about from the time I you, from the time you say I need to have my next meal to the time you actually have that meal. All the mistakes happen in between all the getting off of your goals and all your health plan have, that's when you start to graze. Factor is going to get rid of that time. You're going to open up the fridge, you're going to put it in the oven. Done. Head to factor meals.com J train 50 off. Use code J train 50 off to get percent off and free daily greens per box. Love that. New subscriptions only while supplies last until September 27, 2026. See website for more details. Okay, one more email. Short one. I don't mind the short ones. We like the short ones. Jared, why does Rya suck? But like, I can't leave it. Love your comedy. Can't wait to see you in la. Now Raya is the dating app where you have to apply to be on it and then they let you in based on social Media following based on pictures. They don't really tell you what it's all about. I would compare Raya and I've been on Raya. I would compare Raya to a nightclub. There's a bouncer outside who kind of looks you up and down, and they're like, how many women are you with? And you're like, it's just me. And they're like, hold on a second. And they make you wait, and you wait in that line, and you see all these beautiful people walk in, and you go, yeah, I guess I'd really like to be in there. And then finally, the bouncer looks at you and goes, hey, go ahead. And you go into the nightclub and everyone is standing against the wall, not dancing while looking at each other there. Raya is a nightclub where everyone wants to get in and nobody dances. So if you're sitting there at home listening to this podcast on the waiting app for Riot, I would tell you you're not missing much. It's a lot of people browsing, not buying. If you're on Riot and feel disappointed by it, yeah, that is a. A dating app where you're going to get disappointed. I would say that dating app, more than any other dating app, is more a. It's an app on your phone more than a dating app. Like, it is a. I would say that app, more than all the other dating apps, is all about. I'm on it more than I'm getting anything from it. And what you're getting. The reason you can't leave it is because all dating apps, the reason you can't leave Raya is because, like all dating apps, it's what might happen next. And on dating apps, the next swipe, the next like, might be your next husband or wife, might be that magical romance that you've been praying for. Now, on Raya, the added bonus is the next like or swipe might bring a famous person that you go, whoa, I could match with Meryl Streep. And you send a like, because why not? They're Meryl Streep, one of our greatest actresses of all time. And then you kind of move on and you think, wow, maybe she'll get back to me one day. That's the added excitement. That's why it's harder to get off Riot. And in addition to that, they might not let you back in. You delete Rya, they go, oh, sorry. Oh, I was just on Riot. Can I come back in? I have to use the bathroom. Sorry, miss, we got a line. You can go to the Back of the line. Sorry. And on Raya, the pictures are better. Yeah, the person on Raya has a better picture. I'm telling you the truth. There. There's no. Ah, you can't see them. No, they are there. It is as if everyone on Raya got a professional photo. It is as if everyone on Raya got a professional. A professional. It's as if everyone on Raya like went to a glamour shots and got a professional photo shoot. Every single person. They all look amazed. Everyone has a headshot, even if their job doesn't necessitate a headshot. Now, I would tell you Ry is probably the worst app because there's nothing to write. They have fully admitted. We just go based on looks. There's not a lot of written material, so it's really hard to start a conversation. It kind of shows you how much hot people really have to say. They're just like, this is it, do you want it or not? There's a lot of confidence on Rya. I would say it's not a great dating app because of what you're experiencing. You think it sucks, but I would say it sucks because it just doesn't move to a date very often. And I think that's mostly because there's nothing written to you. There's no. There's an area to write stuff, but there's not a lot of people writing stuff. So vulnerability produces vulnerability. Raya lacks vulnerability, so it lacks dates. Jtrain podcast gmail.com jtrain podcastmail.com we are here every Monday with your emails. Keep sending them in. We love your specific issues. Send them in back next week. Boom.