The Stuck Client: Repetitively Reflecting the Attachment Dilemma

Ever have a client or moment in therapy that where the process comes to a halt or you can’t get traction? Many times, it is because the client is stuck in a dilemma. They are in a hold repeat pattern. The client is holding the dilemma and hoping someone sees their dilemma. They keep repeating the same pattern trying to get out of their dilemma. EFT Trainer, Rebecca Jorgenson stated, “Until your clients see that you have their dilemma they aren’t going to change” https://academy.psychotherapy.net/a/3858/TPH9DeF6

Attachment tells us that when there is too much distance things are not safe, and the first thing that happens is rigidity. That initial rigidity is the natural human response to fear. What we are concerned with is when people lose their ability to be flexible and adjust and try new moves or shift energy. In this episode, we want to help you understand these dilemmas and how you can attune to the client’s dilemma to help them be able to shift out of their limbic panic place.

Pursuer Dilemma: Try to explain myself, but it sends my partner away. I try to be quiet hoping they will come around and nothing happens.
Withdrawer Dilemma: I try to step forward, but when I try it leads to more conflict, but then I move away to let the storm pass and I get told I don’t care.
For Both: Both of you have 2-3 moves and all of them feel like they suck at helping you connect with your partner. Neither of you feels like you have a good move here.

Takeaways

The more stuck they are the more repetition they need of their dilemma to get them out of their pit.
You address stuckness by going to the stuckness
Repetition is key. (the more stuck the more reps you will have to till they show you that they believe you have gotten it.
Stay until you get resonance.
You want resonance on both sides.
Be prepared for how awkward repetition is.

Please check these other places Ryan has covered this material!

The Couples Therapist Couch(Episode116): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-therapist-couch/id1281853816?i=1000465911536

Annabelle Bugatti-We Heart Therapy (Episode link for Ryan’s Interview)(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXnh0M7iZWY&t=1106s

Thank you for listening. We hope this experience helps you push the leading edge in your work to help people connect with themselves and with each other.

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You can follow George @https://www.georgefaller.com/ or https://www.facebook.com/GeorgeFallerLMFT/,