Riley (7:17)
Oh, my God. Did you see what she was wearing? No. Makeup again. Can't believe how fat she's gotten. Why is her hair so greasy? What's with her glasses? She's so spotty. She's so short. So ugly. So quiet. So weird. So stupid. So lazy. So poor. Clumsy. Creepy. Broken. I can hear my parents downstairs as I wake up. They're talking about me again. They're always talking about me. Watching me. But that's what parents do, right? That's how you know they care. They keep an eye on you. I get up, turn on the TV and start to get dressed. On the morning news, they're discussing how stupid I looked in PE yesterday. How I shouldn't be allowed to wear the kit. How ugly I looked, but also how inappropriate it was that I was distracting the boys. They've got the PE teacher in for an interview and he says it's time for the government to take action. I sit on the end of my bed and take notes. I stumble downstairs for a quick breakfast. The bread's mouldy, but I'm late now, so I just pick it off and put it in the toaster. Anyway, Mum gives me the look that tells me she saw me do it. So I pop the toaster and throw the cold bread away. She's right. I shouldn't be eating carbs anyway. Missed the bus again, so I have to walk it. That's probably for the best. I need the exercise. I try to hurry, but end up tripping over the broken flagstone again. Everyone points and laughs, like always. I should look where I'm going. It's just so tricky. When I'm trying to stop slouching, they don't stop laughing. I look up and I see the billboards have changed. It used to be cosmetic surgery ads with my face as the before picture. Now it's a fast food ad with me stuffing my face. There's a couple of kids hanging out underneath. One of them sees me, then points to the billboard. They all start making pig noises, so I. I try to join in. Get into school late and the teachers ignore me. That hurts. I guess they've already given up on me. Makes sense. I'm a no one. Invisible. Why would they notice me? God, I wish they would notice me. I slip into my chair at the front and try to listen as Mr. Dumfries goes over evolution. I prepare for him to ignore me like the others. Why wouldn't he? I don't deserve his attention. But then he's saying my name. I make sure to laugh with everyone when he gets me to stand up as an example of a primitive hominid. I don't want people to think I'm stuck up. They all point and laugh and I start to cry and to laugh. I'm seen again and it's overwhelming. Science is next. I forgot it was a dissection today. Miles starts poking me with the scalpel. Mum says it's how boys show they like you. Mrs. Winslow shouts at me for distracting him, and so I apologise and try to focus on the work. Seeing the frog splayed out like that, though, I can't help but think it looks like me. And before I know what I'm doing, I take the blade and stab it deeply into the body. Too deeply. I slice it open, lay it out and start to rip off all the bad bits. There's mess everywhere, so now I have to stay late to clean up everyone's desks. I miss lunch, but I get to French early, so I take my seat at the front. It takes a moment for me to realize that I don't recognize any of the kids coming in. They recognize me, though, whispering and pointing. It's only once Mr. Andrew comes in and starts to shout that I realize I'm in the wrong room. I rush off to 5b before I miss too much of the lesson. By the time the home bell rings, I'm exhausted. I really should walk home. I'll never save money if I keep wasting it like this. But it's cold and I'm missing a shoe. The Hiskin Sisters chucked it over the fence. It's my fault, really. It wouldn't happen if I didn't leave my stuff lying around. The bus home is packed, everyone on their phones. There's a new video of me falling down the stairs, doing the rounds. I laugh along with them. It's important that people know you can laugh at yourself. I get home and Mum and Dad are out. That's when I remember it's Parents Night again and they need to discuss what's wrong with me. I decide to skip dinner and try to catch up on my homework, but I end up putting the TV on. I don't know why I find it so hard to concentrate on stuff. It's no wonder I keep getting in trouble. It's one of those funniest home video shows. This one is top 10 most painful injuries and they're showing. That time I broke my leg playing tennis. I'm not surprised the audience find it so funny. Who manages to break a leg playing tennis? Eventually I head upstairs, shrug off my clothes and lie there in bed, staring up at the ceiling. I really should have a shower, clean my teeth, get some sleep. I've got a test tomorrow, but I can't stop listening to the party down the street. I think it's that concert where I drop the cymbal and everyone stopped playing to watch me pick it up. That one's pretty popular at the moment. I remember being so afraid that people would see me mess up at such an obvious part. So ashamed I'd ruined it all. But to think that I am now so important that everyone knows my name. I start to drift off then, my eyelids slowly closing on me as I lie back and think about the day, about how lucky I am. But so many people care so much about me. I used to be so afraid of the spotlight but now I don't know if I could give it up. I just want to be seen and that's a dream.
