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The Mel Robbins Podcast
8 Things You Need to Hear Right Now (That Make a Surprisingly Huge Difference)
01:00:50
Today, you’re getting exactly what you need to take back your power and make life feel a little easier. In this solo episode, Mel shares 8 simple reminders that will help you feel stronger, calmer, and more confident. These are the words to come back to when you need courage, perspective, and a reminder of how much strength you already have. Through 8 powerful quotes and straight-to-the-point coaching, Mel will show you how to stop taking other people’s behavior personally, pause before you react, protect your peace, take responsibility for your own happiness, and make something good happen today. This episode will help you: -Stop taking other people’s behavior personally and let their mood be theirs -Stop treating every text, mood, comment, or request like an emergency -Pause before reacting and ask yourself, “Is this worth my energy?” -Quit waiting until you feel better, ready, healed, or confident to start living -Slow down and appreciate the life you’re living right now ...
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Hey, it's your friend Mel. And welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Hey, it's Mel. I am so happy that you're here with me today and here's why. I know by the time that you're done listening and we're done spending time together, you're just gonna feel a lot better. And I can say that because there is a particular word that I keep seeing in the emails that your fellow listeners are sending. I see this in the polls that we do online media. I'm seeing it in comments. And that word that I keep seeing, exhaustion. You've been carrying too much, thinking too much, worrying too much. And you're tired. The kind of tiredness that comes from taking care of everyone else while trying to be okay for everyone, trying to stay on top of everything, trying to fix what you can't fix and holding yourself to some invisible standard like you're supposed to have it all handled. Let me share a lesson with you that I personally have to keep on relearning. You don't have to earn rest. You don't have to earn peace. These are not luxury items. You don't have to have everything figured out to take better care of yourself. Sometimes you just need a simple reminder. So today I have eight simple reminders for you. Now these are eight simple things I say to myself all the time. Eight simple reminders that will hold you up when your mind starts spinning. Words that will calm you down. And you're going to love this because it's almost like I knew this. I just needed to be reminded that one small next step, just that little thing can make me feel like, okay, okay, I can do today. Because the fact is, you can do today. And with these eight simple reminders, holy cow. You're not only going to do today, you're going to feel so much better by the end of it.
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It's clinically proven to prevent oral health problems like cavities and gingivitis before they start, so you don't have to worry later. Stop reacting and start preventing. Pick up Colgate Total Active Prevention at your local retailer today. Your future self will thank you. Hey, it's your friend Mel. And welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am so excited that you're here with me today. It's such an honor to be together and to spend this time with you. If you're a new listener or you're here because somebody shared this particular episode with you, I just want to take a moment and personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. Today I'm sharing eight simple reminders that make life easier. These are eight quotes that I've shared online. These are eight reminders that I repeat to myself. But when I shared them online recently, you loved them so much. It was like, heart, heart, heart, heart, heart. Share, share, share, share, share. Save, save, save, save, save. Comment, comment. Thought I thought. I think I should take these eight reminders that I love and that you clearly love and just take a moment and break them down one by one. Because these eight reminders are the kind of things that you can come back to when your brain is loud, when life feels heavy, when you just need someone to say something that's going to make you feel a little bit better. Because let me tell you something. The world is not designed to keep you calm. Oh. The world is designed to do something different. It's designed to keep you going. To react, to scroll, compare, overthink, to take everything personally, to give your energy away all day long. And if that's been you lately, welcome. I feel like that's been all of us lately. And I want you to know that by hitting play on this episode, you are in the exact right place. Because stress has been running you into the ground lately, and it's exhausting you. So today, you and I are going to interrupt that spiral. And as I share these eight reminders, here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna start to feel the weight lift. You're gonna start to feel like, okay, I can handle today. I am capable of facing what I'm dealing with in my life. And, and this is gonna happen. Whether you're listening on a walk or you're driving to work, or maybe you're hiding in the bathroom for five minutes of quiet or you're laying in bed wondering why you feel so exhausted. You can just let all that go. I got you. Okay? Your friend Mel Robbins has got you. All right, let's jump in and start with reminder number one. 20 years from now, you'd give anything to be this exact age, this healthy and back in this exact moment. Take a second and enjoy it now. I love this quote. It's from writer Rich Webster. And one of the reasons why I love this quote is it's so easy to get caught up in the stress of your day to day life that you don't slow down and drop in the moment and consider two really important things that every single thing that you're gonna do today is something that your 95 year old self will wish that they could go back and do. You know, you and I don't stop and consider that the moment that we're in right now. Like even if it's difficult, it's stressful, you're caring for people, whether it's little kids or it's aging parents. There are aspects of your life right now that were once a goal or a dream. Now stop and think about this. There was a period in your life where you didn't have a job and boy did you wish you had a job. There are periods of in your life where you were single and you wish that you were in a relationship. Even though that person may be pissing you off right now. There was a period in your life where you didn't have kids and boy did you want them. But oh my gosh, is it stressful. They're not sleeping through the night or maybe they're really struggling and that's causing you a lot of stress right now, but you forget that. Holy cow. This moment right now, my past self, my 10 year old self, my 20 year old self, my 30 year old self dreamt about some of the things that are stressing me out right now or wow, the things that I'm complaining about. My 95 year old self wishes they could come back to this moment, no matter how stressful it is, and be able to do it and experience it and be with the people that I'm around right now. Because my. When I get to 95, they're not gonna be there. And so I need to, like, slow down a little bit. And instead of focusing on all the things that are driving me crazy and stressing me out and are outta my control, what about dropping into this moment and just taking a beat and appreciating it? Because so often in life, isn't it true you get so caught up in what's next, the job you want next, the decision that you need to make, the next version of you that you need to become, that you are living out there while you're in this moment, criticizing where you are. And we live as if we've got this unlimited amount of time. We don't. And I'm not saying that to scare you. I'm saying because it's the kind of truth that can both slow you down and wake you up. I often use this example that your life and the time that you have, it's like a melting ice cube. You don't notice an ice cube that is just sitting on the kitchen counter melting. As time passes, you're answering texts, you're paying your bills, you're running errands, you're managing everybody and everything. You're trying to get through the week. You're thinking about what to make to dinner, you're beating yourself up for not exercising enough today. And then all of a sudden, you look up and you're like, wait, where'd the time go? And that's the thing about time. You can't bargain with it. You can't get it back. You can't pause time. You can't negotiate for more. I mean, the time is gonna pass regardless of what you do with it. And if you're busy racing through your life, you're gonna miss a lot of it. The ice cube is melting whether you pay attention to it or not. And the point of this reminder isn't to panic you. The point is presence. It's to stop living as if everything's an emergency. That life is about just getting to the next thing. Because that's not what life is about. Life is about being where your feet are. So you don't miss the things that are in front of you. Because if you don't slow down, you're gonna miss the season that you're in right now. You're gonna miss this version of your friends, this version of Your kids, of your parents, of your life. And so the reminder, take a second and enjoy it now. It's not asking you to force this, like fake gratitude or pretend everything's okay when you're living in the middle of a dumpster fire. It's asking you to build this skill that in the midst of all the chaos, can you still stop and see the good. Yes, you're exhausted. Yes, you're stressed. Yes, you're annoyed that nobody else fed the dog. But as you're sitting there feeding the dog, can you take a beat? Can you turn and look at the dog and just appreciate that you have a dog? The one that the 95 year old version of you Mrs. And the 16 year old version of you always dreamt of having. Because if you can't drop into the present moment and appreciate the little things that are all around you, you're gonna allow stupid things to steal the precious moments of your life. You're gonna have an experience where time just keeps on passing and that ice cube is a puddle of water and you don't even know what you spent the time on. Stop turning a perfectly good day into a mental courtroom where you're prosecuting yourself, you're analyzing what went wrong. You're so focused on what you didn't do and the things that you didn't get to and the stuff that you wish you had done differently that you miss. Miss all the things that you did do, all the little just miracles and beautiful things around you. You gotta stop being so busy managing life and everything around you that you forget the point is to live it. So here's what I want you to do today. For just a couple seconds, wherever you are right now, I want you to just look around or stop and think, what are three things that are going well? Not amazing, not perfect, not an A, just they're going well today. Here, I'll give you a couple examples. Okay, here's something that's going well for me. I'm drinking my water today. You can even hear me do it. Mel. Good job. That's going well. I went for a walk this morning with my husband and the dogs. I'm not trying to rub that in. I'm just saying that, you know, I got out the door and I did that. I'm not where I want to be yet, but I'm working every day on getting there. That means things are going okay. You don't have to land the new job in order to say, well, the fact that I'm actually looking for one and I've updated my resume. Like, that's a good thing. I'm making it through today. And today's a very difficult day and I'm still showing up. In fact, I showed up even though I don't feel like it. That's something that I would check in that. That went well today. I handled that hard thing that I didn't actually want to do, but I did it. That's in the I did that well box. I'm safe. At this exact moment, I'm safe. I got out of bed. I got out of bed. I would actually put that one on my list today because I woke up today and I was exhausted like you. And I thought, boy, you know what? Today would be great. It'd be great if I could cancel today. Be just great if I could call in sick today. And then I was like, oh, wait, I can't. I'm the CEO. I can't call in sick. Ah, I gotta show up today. People are counting on me. You know those days. So on those days where you get out of bed and you show up, you're doing really well. And I know it sounds simple, but when you intentionally make yourself call out the things in this moment that are going well, or that the younger you once had this life as a goal or a dream, or the 95 year old, you can look back and say, wow, I'd give anything to be back in that day and experience that, even if it was difficult. This is how you can enjoy the now. Not by fixing everything, but by noticing what you're in. And so I'm going to share this reminder one more time for you 20 years from now. You'd give anything to be this exact age, this healthy, and back in this exact moment. Take a second today and enjoy it now. And you know, one thing that can get in the way of you enjoying the now is wasting your energy on the wrong people or the wrong things. And that brings me to the second reminder that I want to share with you today. Day that you loved when I posted online and I repeat to myself all the time. So let me share it with you. Here's an underrated life skill before you react, pause, and decide if it's worth your energy. That reminder is inspired by writer Corey Allen, and here's what I want to share with you. You're not overwhelmed right now because you can't handle life. You're overwhelmed because you do handle it. All of it, all of the time. That's why you need to learn to pause. Learning how to pause is a Skill. And what's happening in today's world, I don't know if you've noticed this, is that when you just do, do, do, do, do, and you're not ever pausing, life has a of turning up the volume and the speed at which life comes at you. And so you just end up not doing it all. You do it all and then some and more and more and more and more. And then suddenly everything feels like an emergency. This is why you have to learn to pause. Because if you don't learn how to pause, you will never understand a truth that you always have a choice about what you are going to put your time and energy into. So here's how you can start to practice this life changing skill of just pause. Let me just tap the pause button here right now. Anytime something starts to pull you in, okay, it might be a comment. Somebody makes a request at work, an annoying situation with a friend, a text that just kind of triggers you the wrong way. Social media, where you start kind of catching yourself. I want you to pause and then ask yourself a simple question. Is this worth my energy? And let me give you all kinds of things that I'm talking about because this is where you and I leak our energy out all day long. Okay, here's an example. Let's say you get a text from somebody that just says, okay, fine. And your brain does it. Do what my brain does where you're like. And you start like writing an entire screenplay about what you did wrong or what they're thinking or ba, ba, ba, ba ba. And then if you're like me, you want to like smooth it over and something. Okay, is this worth their time? Here's another example. Your boss slacks you at 9:17pm can you meet tomorrow morning, first thing? Okay. When that happens, my brain is like a gopher popping up from a hole. Hold on. Meet tomorrow morning, first thing. You think I'm relaxing for the rest of the night. Is this worth your energy? Or you're in the kitchen and someone in your family. Oh my God. Is in the mood. Okay, who in your family? I want you to stop and think right now. Who in your family when they get in that mood? Oh my God. It's like your body goes into an age shrinking machine and you're like. And all of a sudden you're seven. And you immediately start to manage it. Oh, somebody's upset, somebody's intense, somebody's pouting, somebody's. This is a grown adult's mood worth your energy? It's a fair question, right? Or how about when you're at work, right, and someone gives you a look. You're in a meeting, you said something, you get that weird look. Everybody's kind of like just frozen as they look at you. Weird silence. Somebody please talk. Oh, my God. I hate these moments at work. See, I don't think it's the big things that drain. You see, when you got big stuff going on, let it drain. Because the big things, boy, they open up the portal, let the energy drop out. Because you got to manage that stuff. That is 100% what happens in life. No, what you and I are talking about are the constant, tiny little moments where you hand your energy away without even noticing it. Anytime you feel that pull, that friction, that urge to react, to fix, to explain, to prove, to defend, to spiral to people. Please, new skill. Pause. Pause. Instead of projecting, instead of reacting, instead of fixing. No pause. Is this worth my energy? Is this worth my energy right now? Based on everything that I have going on that's important to me, Is this little side circus worth my energy? If the answer's no. Amazing. Don't explain. Don't debate, don't question. Don't justify. Just disengage. That's it. Because peace is not something that you find. Peace is something that you protect. And oftentimes, do you know who you have to protect yourself from? You. And your habit of inserting yourself, your habit of. Of fixing everything. Your habit of making sure that everybody around you is okay. And in constantly making it your job to fix everything for everybody else, you're the one that ends up feeling broken. I know you've heard that old saying, you can't pour from an empty cup. So what you pour your energy into, whether it be people or activities, they have to give you something back in return. It has to pour back into you. See, if you spend too much time reacting to things or fixing things or doing things for and with people that don't pour back into you, you know what you end up with? Exhaustion. You're drained. You feel defeated about life. But it doesn't have to be that way. All you gotta do is pause and ask yourself, is this worth my energy right now? And that brings me to reminder number three. Because reminder number three is gonna save you so much energy, too. Learning how to take nothing personally will change your life. Because most of what people do, it has nothing to do with you. Let their mood be theirs. Your life is yours. That's where you take your power back. See, one of the biggest ways to lose your peace of mind is to Give someone else yours. The person that you see or you experience, who's standing before you right now, that's not the person you're dealing with. You're dealing with their childhood crap. You're dealing with whatever just happened at work. You're dealing with whether or not they ate anything, whether or not they can manage stress, whatever it is that's on their mind. That's why you're picking up on a tone. That's why you feel like you have to manage their mood, because they seem like they got it together, but then they're acting so weird. That's why you gotta learn to just let people deal with themselves. It doesn't mean that you don't have compassion. It doesn't mean that you don't care about people. It means that you recognize that there's a very important boundary between you and other adults. You are not responsible for managing other people's moods. You're not responsible for managing other people's expectations. There's one person that you're responsible for, and it's you. When you learn how to give people the dignity of their own experience, when you allow people the space to be in a bad mood and to process their emotions, yes, you're standing by with support. It's one of the healthiest boundaries that you can draw for yourself with other people because it means you're no longer going through life acting like the parent to every adult around you. And when other people don't like your boundary, when you're letting them be in a bad mood, when you stop fixing everybody else's problems, when you stop bending yourself in knots and twisting yourself into all kinds of uncomfortable positions just to make everybody else happy, when you start drawing that boundary and you just kind of let people deal with themselves and they don't like it, it doesn't mean the boundary's wrong. It means it's working. See, people don't like it when you start changing. That's okay. Let them. You gotta focus on the let me part. Let me manage myself. Let their mood be theirs. My mood is mine. Let their life be their life to fix. Let me focus on my life and the things that I need to fix. That's you turning the volume down on that alarm that goes off when other people are upset. And it helps you come back to reality. What is their responsibility to manage? What is your responsibility to manage? Because here's the thing. Most of what people do and how they feel and what they say has almost nothing to do with you. And it's a Hard concept to wrap your mind around, but let's just unpack what that means. Most of what people do feel and say has to do with the kind of day they're having, what they believe about themselves, what they may be stressed about, what they're afraid of, what they learned or didn't learn growing up, how emotionally immature they may be. They may be dealing with something that just happened over email or in a phone call that they haven't shared with you and you're not even aware of. So here's what I want you to start practicing. When someone comes at you with an attitude, when someone's energy is off, when a text feels weird, when you catch catch yourself spiraling, when you start feeling like you've got to become the police or the parents to grown adults, I want you to say to yourself out loud, if you can, let their mood be theirs. And then you say, my life is mine. Let them deal with themselves. Let me protect myself from this. See, you can care about people without absorbing their problems. You can have compassion that somebody is in a bad mood or feeling disappointed or sad or low or whatever without making it your job to fix it. You can be compassionate without becoming someone else's emotional dumping ground. And you can also be a supportive listener without becoming a spirit sponge and absorbing what everybody is expressing or sharing with you. And I'm going to say something that will change how you move through the world. Other people's emotions are information. That's it. They are not instructions that you have to follow. If somebody is disappointed, it doesn't mean you did something wrong. If someone's angry, it doesn't mean you need to suddenly fix everything and make them happy. If someone is cold, it doesn't mean you're unlovable or that you have to somehow warm them up. It's not your job to parent or fix other adults. It's your job to let them have the dignity of their own experience and the space to process their emotions. And then you get to decide, what do you want to do? What support do you wanna provide or not? And what do you need to protect yourself from? It's the best boundary in the world. But here's the thing that I've noticed. Even when you teach yourself how to stop taking everything personally or become the fixer of everybody's problems, even when you learn how to hit the pause and protect your energy by asking yourself, okay, is this worth my energy? No, it is not worth my energy. You still are probably exhausting yourself waiting for the right time, waiting to Feel confident. Waiting to feel ready. Waiting to feel less anxious. Waiting to feel like you're back to normal. Waiting for the perfect time. And that's why this fourth reminder is so important right now. And that also means you don't wanna go anywhere because I'm gonna hit the pause button. We've been talking about taking a pause so I can give our amazing sponsors a chance to share a few words. But don't you dare go anywhere, because when I share reminder number four, you're gonna be like Mel Robbins. How did you know that was exactly what I needed to hear today? And I guarantee you there is a person in your life right now who is going to have the same reaction if you share this episode with them. You don't need to do an explanation. You can just say, hey, there's something in this episode that made me think of you. Thanks for doing that. Don't go anywhere. I cannot wait to share reminder number four with you when we return. So stay with me. You know how life can become routine. It's like the same old, same old. Well, one way to snap yourself out of that is have a thrill. And the fastest way to do that, get behind the wheel of the Genesis GV70. Because it is built to thrill, its elegant design always will make driving the GV70 an exhilarating adventure. Its powerful athletic stance screams performance. And it's going to turn heads, take that joyride and experience a class leading standard 300 horsepower. Plus, it's got different dynamic drive modes for all different terrains. The Genesis GV70's award winning technology and performance lets you drive with comfort and confidence. It's a thrilling SUV with intuitive tech that can make your ride smooth even when the road isn't. And its blind spot cameras allow you to see what's next to you and keep you and your passengers safe. 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And when you bundle you, you can save up to 30% with everything you need in one app. Sign in to save Savingsvery Expedia, the one place you go to go places. Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins. I'm so thrilled that you're here. I love this topic. I'm sharing eight simple reminders that really lift the stress. They give you a little power that make you feel better. We've already covered the first three, so let's jump right into reminder number four. And you're gonna love this one. If you wait until you feel better to start living your life, you will be waiting forever. Go live your life today. If you're sad, do it sad. If you're anxious, do it anxious. If you're uncertain, do it uncertain. Because healing, happiness change. It doesn't come before the experience. The experience of doing it is what makes you heal and makes you happier and makes you change. That's the secret. This is from the account awaken1 and I absolutely love it. And here's another thing about life that I've learned the hard way. And I bet as I share this with you, you're gonna look back on your own life and go, that is so true. Have you ever noticed that every prolonged period of your life where you have felt alone, you've been lost, uncertain, broke down, you're suffering, you're struggling. They are always followed by these periods in life where you have these massive quantum breakthroughs. You're down in the gutter, you have no idea how you're gonna get through this. And the very next ch. Oh my God. It's like the most growth, the most Happiness that you've ever experienced. I mean, just stop and think about that truth of that. Think about the most painful breakup. Think about getting fired from a job and you're miserable and you're lost, and you have no idea if you're ever gonna feel happy again. And it's after these periods of struggle that all of a sudden, boom. The massive breakthroughs. Come see, the reason why these periods are so hard is because I think that this is where most people give up. You kind of give up hope. You think you're never gonna be happy again. And here's what I wanna tell you. If you're going through a period in your life that's very challenging, the only thing you need to do right now is keep going. Keep going and trust that things are about to come together in a shocking way. A shocking way. You know, I was walking through the woods this morning, and I noticed there were so many little plants just sprouting, just forcing themself up through the leaves and the mud shooting up through the muddy crown. And it's such a beautiful reminder that what can look like literally nothing, like the littlest little thing is actually something powerful pushing toward the light. That's what you're doing right now. Especially when you're struggling. I bet you're waiting. I bet you're waiting to feel happier. You're waiting to feel motivated. You're waiting for the storm to pass before you can step outside of it. You're waiting for the sadness to lift before you make the plans that would actually make you feel a little better. And I'm telling you, that's not how life works. You don't wait for healing and then live your life. You force yourself to live, and that's how you heal. Think about something that you're avoiding right now. I get it. There's a lot going on. You feel extraordinarily heavy and tired, exhausted, beaten down. But there is something that you're avoiding right now because you're waiting to feel better, better before you do it. Maybe it's getting back out there after a breakup. Maybe it's applying for a job after a layoff. Maybe it's going to the gym. Maybe it's saying yes to a dinner invite even though you're grieving the loss of someone you love. Maybe it's starting therapy. Maybe it's just calling somebody back. See, there's this trap that you and I fall into where we say, okay, once I feel better, then I'll do it. No, do it while you don't feel Good. Do it sad. Do it anxious. Do it uncertain. Because it's the experience of doing it that makes you feel better. It's the experience that restores your confidence in yourself. It's the experience that gives you proof that, yes, I can handle it. Yes, I'm sad. Yes, I'm beaten down. Yes, I'm lonely. Yes, I don't feel like doing this. But you know what? I'm going to do this because I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of waiting for the day that's not coming. And that's the irony. The day that you're waiting for starts today when you take action. You know, I just had the most fantastic conversation on this podcast with this extraordinary woman by the name of Carla Harris. Now, Carla is one of the, like, capital T H E, most successful women of all time on Wall Street. And she came on this podcast, she gave us a masterclass on success in the world that we are living in today. And she said the most beautiful thing after we were done recording to our team. Here's what she said. You have to put your foot on the gas right now. It is time to accelerate. Because in the world, half of the people out there are completely distracted. The other half of the people in the world are paralyzed and exhausted. And you know what that means? It means no one is in your way. So let me tell you one more time. If you have been waiting to feel better, to start living your life, you will be waiting forever. Go live your life starting today. And here's the thing. The second you start taking the action, in spite of how you feel, the action changes everything. It absolutely changes everything. And that brings me to the next reminder. No one is coming to do it for you. No one. Which is why reminder number five that you and I need to hear today is so special. In fact, I wanna read it to you. It's from the Let Them Theory book. This is from page 297. Ooh, this one hits. You can have the life you've always wanted. You can be a millionaire. You can have the beautiful love story you've always dreamt of. You can build a career that challenges and fulfills you. The question is, will you let yourself do it? Because no one else can stop you. It's all on you. See, the most important part of the Let them theory is understanding that you are responsible for your own happiness. You're responsible for the energy you bring and how you show up. You're responsible for waking up every day and doing the work to make progress on what matters you're responsible for defining what matters to you. You're responsible for telling the truth even when it's really hard. You're responsible for paying for your life. Nobody owes you anything but you. You owe yourself everything. I love that nobody owes you anything but you. You owe yourself everything. And one other thing I wanted to point out is that, you know, there's this saying that you've heard me say a lot. No one is coming to save you, but no one is coming to stop you either. Isn't that interesting? No one is coming to stop you. Like really just like. Let that sit for a minute. Who exactly is stopping you from writing the book right now? Who is stopping you from breaking up with somebody? Who exactly is stopping you from learning new skills so that you can change careers? Who is stopping you from applying to nursing school or putting your song on social media? Who's stopping you exactly? Because there's a lot of fear that we have of other people. But let's be honest about who's the one who's actually stopping you from doing the things that capable of doing. The one person that's stopping you is you. So no one's going to come and rescue you from the situation. No one's going to come and do it for you. No one's going to come and fix this. And you don't need anybody because the one person who is going to get it done is you. And by the way, there is also no one stopping you from doing it. All of the fear that you have of what other people are going to think and whether or not you look stupid and whether or not you fail, you know who's manufacturing that in your mind? You. And so one other thing I'm gonna tell you is don't ever kill the part of you that's cringy. I want you to kill the part of you that cringes at yourself. Because you're the one that's stopping yourself. If anyone is ever gonna show up and magically change your life, don't ever forget that person is always going to be you. And isn't that an amazing epiphany to have? Because the second you realize you don't need to be rescued, that is the second you stop waiting to be rescued. The moment you recognize the truth, that no one is going to just spoon feed you motivation, nobody's gonna hand you self respect or do the healing for you, you realize you're free. You freed yourself of this awful burden of waiting. And it sounds harsh until you realize what it actually gives you control. Control over your life, over your decisions, over the actions you take, over the time that you're spending. The second you stop expecting other people to make you happy or pay for your life, you stop living disappointed. And you start living on purpose. And living on purpose means you stop playing victim to your own life. Not because bad things haven't happened, not because it's easy to create the things that you want, but because you realize, oh my God. Staying stuck is a choice. I may not be responsible for where I am right now, but I sure as hell am responsible for what happened happens next. That's the fastest way to change your life, is take ownership of what happens next. So here's what I want you to do. What is one area where you've been waiting? Waiting for permission, waiting for the right time, waiting for someone else to change, waiting for, like, you to feel ready, waiting for it to be less scary, Waiting to not care about what people think. What is that thing that only you can make yourself do? Because ironically, you're the person who's been stopping yourself from doing it. All the excuses. Are you so sick of it? Aren't you sick of holding yourself back? Aren't you sick of being the one standing in your own way? You are so much more capable than you're giving yourself credit. It drives me crazy to see you holding yourself back like that. So today, I can't make you do it. I can only remind you that you're the one person who can. One small step proves you're not waiting. You're in charge. One email, one boundary, one no. 1 yes. One walk, one honest conversation. See, nobody owes you anything, but you owe yourself everything. That's the moment that your power comes back. When you stop waiting for everybody else to make your life better or to pay for it. When you stop resenting people for not being what you want or doing what you want, you'll start owning your life. And you want to know what's going to happen next? We're gonna take a quick break because I want our incredible sponsors to be able to shine and share a few words, but don't you dare go anywhere. You absolutely want to be here when I share the next reminder. So stay with me. You know how life can become routine? It's like the same old, same old. Well, one way to snap yourself out of that is have a thrill. And the fastest way to do that, get behind the wheel of the Genesis GV70. Because it is built to thrill, its elegant design always will make driving the GV70 an exhilarating adventure. Its powerful athletic stance screams performance and it's going to turn heads, take that joyride and experience a class leading standard 300 horsepower. Plus it's got different dynamic drive modes for all different terrains. The Genesis GV70's award winning technology and performance lets you drive with comfort and confidence. It's a thrilling SUV with intuitive tech that can make your ride smooth even when the road isn't. And its blind spot cameras allow you to see what's next to you and keep you and your passengers safe. Its performance is measured not only in power, but in how it makes you feel thrilling. The Genesis GV70 learn more@genesis.com and feel the GV70 I want to talk to you about our sponsor, Wayfair because we have so many team members here on the Mel Robbins podcast who are moving right now. In fact, I'm sitting next to one of them, our executive producer, Tracy. Hey Trace.
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Hey Mel.
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Where are you moving? I'm moving to Minnesota. And what did I tell you you needed to do when you get to Minnesota for your brand new apartment? I need to check out Wayfair. That's right, because you can score beautiful new furniture, all kinds of home decor and more without breaking the bank. Because let's face it, moving costs a lot of money. And then you still need to furnish shop thousands of products from seating to grills to patio lighting to couches to beds. Plus installation and assembly services are available. Don't forget to shop. Wayfair verified their specialists hand vet items, checking things like quality and features. Ready to upgrade your home for way less? Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home and get your space ready for less. That's W-A-F a I r.com Wayfair every style every Home Wayfair Every Style Every Home One of the best things about summer is that it just feels easier, doesn't it? And that's how your summer clothing should feel. Easy things you wear on repeat. Comfortable, versatile, breathable, somehow perfect for summer. And our sponsor Quint's makes it so easy to have clothes you love wearing in the summer on the hot days on the breezy nights. From 100% European linen pants, dresses and tops. They are perfect. Perfect for all summer long. And it's not just apparel. They also offer essentials for your home. From bedding to bath, kitchen essentials and furniture. One of my favorite things from Quint's these stylish, amazing sandals that look way more expensive than they were. Make your Summer wardrobe feel easier? Go to quince.commel for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q U I n c e.com Mel for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com Mel. Welcome back. It's your friend, Mel Robbins. Today I am sharing eight simple reminders. Oh, my gosh. I say these on repeat. I know you're loving them. And that brings me to reminder number six, which you are going to love. You can't change what happened, but you can change what happens next. This is so important. You know, I hate that saying everything happens for a reason. I don't think that's true because I believe there are terrible things that happen to you in life that you don't deserve. Life is very unfair. It is cruel. The saying that I prefer is everything doesn't happen for a reason. You find a reason to move forward despite what happened. And how do you move forward? You look for the lessons. You look for the things that this experience taught you. You tap into this strength. Like there's strength that you develop in life from proactively building skills and pushing yourself and showing up. And then there's the strength that you build because life knocks you down. And it's the getting back up and the pushing yourself forward that builds strength inside you. One of the things that I love about life is that at any moment you can decide that you don't want to spend the rest of your life as this version of you. I want you to just stop and really consider that you don't have to spend the rest of your life as this version of you. If there are parts of you that you don't like, you don't like your job, you don't like the relationship you're in, you don't like. You. Like, that was me in my 30s and 40s. I did not like myself. I was very jealous person. I was very insecure. I was petty. I was the kind of friend you didn't want because we were good friends if I was doing better than you. But if you're doing better than me, then I'm not such a great friend because I'm so insecure about me and no one was gonna change me. I had to make a decision that I didn't wanna spend the rest of my life as that version of me. And so if you've ever said to yourself, like I've said to myself, this is not how I wanna live for the rest of my life, and you Meant it. I'm proud of you. That takes a lot of clarity. That takes a lot of courage. Because you can't change who you've been in the past. You can't change the things that have happened. But you absolutely can. And you should change what happens next and next. It doesn't have to be some huge dramatic reinvention. It means the next sentence you say next could mean I'm going to pause and I'm going to start asking myself if this is worth my energy. It might mean the next choice you make, the next boundary you set, the next time you pick up your phone or you put on your sneakers and go for a walk. You get to decide what the narrative is going to be and if you want to rewrite it. You are not stuck as this version of yourself. You're not stuck in this job, you're not stuck in this relationship, you're not stuck in this apartment. You're not stuck in this financial situation. You are not stuck with this mindset. Absolutely everything about your life can be changed by making a decision to change it, by defining what it is exactly that you want to change. And then you put your head down and you pour your time and energy every single day into doing what needs to get done until you become that change. So if you take nothing else from this reminder, take this. You can always change what happens next. Next requires you to get serious about what you want and who you want to be and to start protecting your focus on that. And it requires you to stop handing your power away. Let's take it back and let's change the future. And that brings me to number seven, one of my all time favorites. And boy, do we need it right now. Maturing is realizing other people's bullshit is not about you. Let them. See, one of the things that people really get wrong about the let them theory is they misinterpret let them as somehow allowing something. Let them isn't allowing disrespect or bullshit. Let them is the opposite. When you say let them, you're drawing a boundary. You are saying out loud, I recognize what you're doing. And I also recognize I can't control you and you're not worth my time and energy. So when I say let them, I force myself to recognize you're gonna do you. I can't change you. And trying to change you is a complete waste of my time. So I am going to recognize that. Then I'm gonna take my power back and say, let me. Let me protect myself from this bullshit that I now recognize when I say let them. And let me decide how much time and energy I give to people who consistently bring bullshit in my life. And there are gonna be times in your life where you choose to spend time and energy with people like that because maybe you value family. But here's the thing. Because you can say let them. You see it coming because you know what you're walking into instead of deluding and gaslighting yourself and thinking that people are suddenly gonna change. They're not changing. Let them be who they are. Force yourself to recognize it. That's how you stay in power, by seeing the world clearly. And if there's one thing that you will never be able to control, it's other people. What they say, what they do, how they act, their childhood trauma, whether or not they're emotionally immature. Let them. Let them. Let them. It's not about you. And you can't control any of it. Let them sit in their frustration, in their wounds, in their immaturity, their stress, their need for control. Let people say what they're gonna say. Let them do what they're gonna do. Let them be disappointed. Let them misunderstand you. Let them gossip about you. Let them judge you. Let them choose the hard way. Let them. Let them. Let them. Because you don't have power over other people. So why would you spend an ounce of energy defending yourself to people who are intent on misunderstanding you? Don't fall into the trap. The best way to prove who you are is to put your head down and live your life according to your values and your actions. Your actions are what speak volumes. That's the let me part. You do not need to convince people who are committed to misunderstanding you of anything. Let me protect my peace. Because you do not need to spend your one life in a state of tension over people who are creating wars with you. Let me choose what I participate in. Because not every conversation deserves access to you or a response for you or even an explanation from you. And let me set the boundary and hold it, not set it and apologize for it. And then fold the minute somebody gets mad. Because here's the thing. Your boundaries aren't for other people. This is a big one. To understand your boundaries that you set. The nos, the time limits, the I can't make it there. Those boundaries are not for other people. Those boundaries are reminders to you of what you will do and what you won't do. And when people get upset. I'm gonna say this again to you. When people get upset, when you say, I will not have this conversation. When you raise your voice with me, when they get upset, when you say that, it's a sign that the boundary's working. That's right. Because you're drawing it and they're not used to it. Let them. And let me walk out of this conversation. Let me take my energy back from the group chat, from the drama, from the guilt, from the overthinking. Let me focus on what I can control. And there's so much you can control. You can control your attitude, your effort, your choices, your time, your energy. We've talked a lot about that today. How to protect your energy. Hit the pause. Is this worth my energy? Let me ask myself that. Nope. Then it's a no. Let me be the kind of person that I respect even when it disappoints someone else. Because here's the truth underneath all of this. Let them. Is what you say to stop yourself from constantly trying to manage other people and their reactions and mood and their opinions and expectations. Let me. Is how you take responsibility and you begin leading yourself. And that brings me to the final, fantastic reminder. I love this one. And this is something that I shared in an episode on the podcast that we did earlier this year. And you loved this so much when I posted it online that I wanna share this one again. Repeat after me today. Today is gonna be a good day because I'm gonna make something good happen. I'm gonna bring a good attitude. I'm gonna have good energy. I'm gonna have good boundaries. So I am not going to let the stupid stuff drain me. Mm. Today is gonna be a good day. I am convinced that waking up every day and just forcing yourself to say this, this reminder, today's gonna be a good day. Today I'm gonna have good attitude. It puts you ahead of 99% of people on the planet right now. It's true. Do you know how many people wake up and they spend the whole day in a bad mood for no particular reason? There are gonna be days where you have terrible things happening, and you should be in a bad mood because it's mentally healthy to be in a bad mood or to be down or sad or grieving because of what's happening. But on the majority of days that you wake up when you say to yourself, as a decision, today is gonna be a good day. I am gonna bring a good attitude. I'm gonna make one good thing happening. This is you deciding I'm in charge. And notice, I'm not saying my day's gonna be perfect. No day is perfect. You're saying I'm gonna have a good attitude. You're saying I'm deciding that I'm gonna make today good, and I'm gonna spend the rest of the day figuring out how. Here's your assignment. Make one good thing happen today. Text someone you love. Go outside for five minutes. Clean the kitchen counter.
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Hmm.
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Say no to something draining. Oh, here's another good thing you could do. Say yes to something that matters. Do one thing you're avoiding. Because a good day isn't something that you stumble into by accident. A good day is something you create. You know, I love this saying from MIT's Dr. Joseph Coughlin. Your life is made up of Tuesdays. You know, it's so easy to get so obsessed with the big picture. You know, the big moments, the vacations. Oh, the promotion. Someday when everything comes together, calms down, or my dreams come true, or I move, or I fall in love. No, no, no. That's not your life. Your life. You wanna know what your life is? Your life is an average Tuesday. Mm. That's it. When you wake up, what you eat, who you hang out with, that's your life right now. Your life is what you make of it. When you're tired and the piles of laundry are staring at you and your inbox is chaos and you've, you know, somebody's in a weird mood and you're thinking, oh, God, when is this gonna end? I just. How am I gonna get through today? An average Tuesday. That's your life. Most of life is ordinary. Most of life is you waking up, showing up, handling your stuff, loving your people, trying again. So when you say today, today's gonna be a good day because I'm gonna make something good happen, you're not creating a magical day. You're talking about an average Tuesday. You don't need to wait for perfect conditions to start living a better life. You just need one small moment. That's it. One good decision. One boundary. One text. One walk. You could literally. I did this yesterday. You wanna know why? I had a great day yesterday. It was the kind of day where the sky was a bluebird sky and the clouds were the kind of, like, puffy, like, super puffy clouds. And they were kind of white, but then they had, like, gray, and then there was a little pink underneath. They were, like. I always call them, like, painterly clouds. And we had been in the car for, like, five hours in traffic, but I looked up at the sky and the good thing. Oh, my God, what a beautiful day. That's it. That was the one good thing that happened to me yesterday on an average Tuesday. And you want to know what it made it a good day. Made it a good day. That's how you build a good life. You do one small good thing at a time. It's not in the giant reinventions. It's in the tiny choices, the kind of choices you make on a Tuesday. So here's what I want you to do right after you finish listening to this. Just pick one reminder from today. The one that really was like, ooh, I needed that one today. Yeah, that one. That one right there. And I want you to write it down or put it in your notes app. These reminders, they're not just words. They can become anchors. Reminders that bring you back to yourself when the world makes you start spinning. And if you're anything like me, you already know all this. But, you know, I don't really need new information. I kind of just need reminders because it's easy to forget when you get busy. So give yourself grace. Be gentle with yourself. You and I were just human. And like everyone else, you're doing this thing called life for the first time, and you're going to be okay. Use these reminders. Say them out loud, and I know. And I can feel you already thinking, mel, remind me what they are again. You got it. Here they are 20 years from now. You'd give anything to be this exact age, this healthy, and back in this exact moment. So take a second and enjoy this moment right now. You want to know what's great about that one? That's how you make an average Tuesday good. You allow yourself to enjoy it. Reminder number two, Underrated life skill. Pausing to decide if it's worth your energy. And I think we learned today, most of the stuff that's draining you is not worth your or my energy. Third one. Learning how to take nothing personally will change your life. Because most of what people do has nothing to do with you. Let their mood be theirs. Your life is yours. That's where you take your power back. Reminder number four. If you wait until you feel better to start living, you'll wait forever. Go live your life. If you feel sad, do it sad. If you feel anxious, do it anxious. If you feel uncertain, do it uncertain. Because healing happiness change. It doesn't always come before the experience. It's the experience that heals you, that makes you change, and that makes you happier. So go do it. Reminder number five. You are responsible for your own happiness. You're responsible for the energy you bring and how you show up. You're responsible for waking up every day and doing the work to make progress on what matters. You're responsible for defining what matters to you. You're responsible for telling the truth even when it's hard. You're responsible for paying for your life. Nobody owes you anything but you. You owe yourself everything. Reminder number six. You can't change what happened, but you can change what happens next. Reminder number seven. Maturing is realizing other people's bullshit is not about you. Let them. Because you, my friend, have more important things to do. And finally, reminder number eight. Today is gonna be a good day because I'm gonna make something good happen. I'm bringing a good attitude. I'm gonna have good energy. I'm gonna have good boundaries. So I am not gonna let stupid stuff drain me. I want you to grab the reminder that really hits today for me. I think it's reminder number one. And I would love to know which one of these hit you. I want you to write it down, say it out loud, share it with someone you love. And here's what I also love about this conversation today. You can come back to this episode anytime. You need to stop spinning to hear these reminders to get your head and your heart back on in the right place so you can start moving forward again. I'm so excited that you listened to this. I'm so excited to see you get your power back and to see you moving through this moment and also being present, present for it, because that's a really good thing. And in case no one else tells you this, today, as your friend, I wanted to be sure that I did. I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And sometimes it's just the simple reminders of the things that you already know that help you do that. Alrighty. I will see you in the very next episode. I'm going to be waiting for you the moment you hit play. Okay, suck down these greens. Here we go, everybody. Now, do those taste good? No. Ew. That did not. And at some point, you might see my daughter sneaking up the stairs to hand me a coffee, which I would gladly accept. Can you believe we used to do two of these a day? Uh oh, here comes the printer. The number one word is printer. Nope, that's not what's happening. It's okay. We'll let it color calibrate for a minute. It's exhausted, everybody. Let's give the printer some grace. The printer's exhausted too. She's done color calibrating. Okay, here we go. I'll start at the top again. Let's eat lunch. Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode. SiriusXM podcasts. I'm getting a lot of questions about what I'm using on my face and luckily you can buy it all at our sponsor Sephora First Love Westman Atelier Baby Cheeks Lip and Cheek Cream Blush Stick. It melds with my skin for a natural finish. I also love the Caudalie Premier Crew Anti Aging Eye Cream for fine lines and wrinkles. It brightens de puffs. My eyes live by it. And the Josie Maran Golden Hour Whipped Argan Oil Refillable Firming Body Butter. Ooh, hydrates my skin, gives it an all over glow. You're gonna love it too. Shop now in store or@sephora.com this episode is brought to you by Peacock and the new original series the Five Star Weekend. Jennifer Garner stars as Hollis Shaw, a famed cook who invites her best friends to Nantucket after a devastating loss changes her life. As boundaries are pushed, friendships are tested and secrets are exposed, cracks begin to emerge in her picture perfect life. Based on the bestselling novel by Ellen Hildebrand, this a list ensemble also stars Darcy Cardin, Gemma Chan, Regina hall and Chloe 70. The five star weekend is now streaming only on Peacock.