← The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Mel Robbins Podcast
Once You Learn THIS, You Will Never Be the Same (Life Lessons From an 88 Year Old)
00:53:33
This episode will change both how you see your life – and how you live it. If you’ve been struggling to find meaning, clarity, or peace, this conversation is the reset you didn’t know you needed. You’ll walk away with timeless strategies for living with more purpose, courage, and kindness, even when life is hard. Today, Mel sits down with Judge Frank Caprio, an 88-year-old father, husband, cancer fighter, and judge whose viral courtroom videos have been watched over 10 billion times. But this conversation goes deeper than anything you may have seen online. In this episode, Judge Caprio shares the life lessons and wisdom that most people learn too late. This isn’t just a story about a remarkable man—it’s a masterclass in how to live. You’ll learn: -Why your definition of a “good life” might be all wrong, and what to focus on before it’s too late -How he’s facing pancreatic cancer and and why he says this might be the most meaningful chapter of his life -How 30 seconds of kin...
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- [00:00]
Mel Robbins
Hey, it's your friend Mel. And welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Every once in a while, you meet a rare person who just touches your heart. Your shoulders drop the second they start speaking. They clear the fog in your head. They change your perspective on life, and they drop these major life lessons and somehow manage to say exactly what you need to hear and exactly when you need to hear it. When you're with someone like that, you don't just feel better. You are better. You're grounded, hopeful, and reminded of what really matters. Well, today you're about to meet someone just like that. His name. Judge Frank Caprio. Now, you might not recognize the name, but I guarantee you, you have seen him before. Maybe you watched his television show that shot in a Rhode island courtroom. It was on TV for over 25 years. Or maybe you've seen his Vi videos from that show that have been viewed more than 10 billion times. That's more views than there are people on the planet. Judge Caprio is a living vault of life wisdom forged through poverty, decades on the bench, cancer, and 88 years of deeply lived experience. He's become a global symbol of what matters. At a time when people are yearning for decency, perspective, and purpose, his voice couldn't be more needed right now. See, he treats every person he meets like a human being, like a friend, a family member, and he changes lives because of it. Judge Caprio is a refreshing reminder of what's important in life, that kindness is power. And that purpose isn't what you do, it's how you do it. And that every person, yes, that means you. Has worth. A good life is. It is built on how you show up for other people. So take a breath and let's settle in. Whether you've had a rough day or a rough week or what feels like a rough forever, things are about to get better, because Judge Caprio is going to hand you life lessons you'll never forget, lessons so many people learn too late. But because you're here today, you won't. You've got enough going on. So let your hair be the easiest part of your day with K18 air wash dry Shampoo. It eliminates sweat, oil, and odor on contact, leaving your hair and scalp feeling fresh and clean for up to three days without any white cast or heavy buildup. Pick it up at your nearest Sephora or use code Mel for 10% off your first order at k18hair.com that's code Mel@k18hair.com. Everybody wants the perfect vacation, but you end up stressing over every detail and suddenly any chance of relaxing is gone. Not in Aruba, though, because this island throws perfection out the window and instead gives you something better. Love. If you visit Aruba and you walk on its white sand beaches, loved by generations of Arubans, you'll feel the whole island embrace you back. Sounds relaxing, no? Say goodbye to perfection and say hello to Aruba. Plan your trip today@aruba.com hey, it's your friend Mel. And welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am so excited that you're here with me today. It's always an honor to spend time together and today in particular, I'm excited because you and I are gonna get to meet and spend some time with somebody. I have ad for decades. If you're new to the podcast, I also wanted to take a moment and personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family because you made the time to listen to this particular episode. Here's what I know about you. First of all, you value your time. And you want to use your time to learn life lessons that will help you create a better life. You also want to be reminded of what matters. And I promise you, you will be today. And you might even need to grab a Kleenex because this is going to be a conversation you'll never forget. And you're definitely going to want to share that with the people you love. And because our expert today doesn't just touch lives, he changes them, I wanted to say something else. If you're here right now because somebody shared this episode with you, I just want to point out something super cool. It means you have people in your life that care about you and they want you to experience the magic and the wisdom of Judge Frank Caprio. So thank you, thank you for taking the time to hit play and thank you for being here with me. The life lessons you're about to learn, they're gonna stay with you forever. And a lot of this conversation, it's gonna remind you of what you know to be true about life. And I love conversations like that. So let me tell you about America's nicest judge, 88 year old Frank Caprio. Judge Caprio had its show on public television for 25 years that was shot in his courtroom in Rhode Island. But he has become an online Sensation in his 80s because videos from that television show have started to go viral. These are videos that make people smile, laugh, ugly, cry, and believe in humanity again all at the same time. In every video, there's Judge Caprio sitting up on the bench with his robe on and he's listening to people explain why they can't pay the parking ticket or the traffic fine or the speeding ticket or why they need the boot off their car even though they can't afford to pay for it to get removed. And here's the thing about Judge Caprio. He doesn't just hear the excuses. He sees the struggle behind them. He sees parents scrambling to get kids to school, workers hustling to get to their shifts, people doing the best that they can while barely scraping by. And if you're sitting there thinking, well, wait a minute. Aren't judges supposed to judge? Well, you, Honor, Judge Caprio is here to set the record straight with the best lessons and insights from his remarkable 88 years of life experience and almost 40 years as a municipal judge. His courtroom show, Caught in Providence, started on public access television in Rhode island back in 2000. You know, just a little local broadcast. But then something wild happened. Oh, exploded. Syndicated on 200 stations, four Emmy nominations, and today, it has taken over the world online. Judge Caprio's kind words, best advice, and everyday wisdom have amassed over 10 billion views worldwide. And he's 88 years old, and he has 2.9 million followers on Instagram, 1.4 million followers on TikTok, 2 million followers on Facebook, half a million subscribers, and over 100 million views on YouTube. Not bad for somebody who considers himself, quote, retired. He's also gonna share with you that he's been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. And he's here today to show you what it's like to weather life's challenges with charm and humor and heart. Now, this man may be from the smallest state in the United States, but I think he has one of the biggest hearts of anyone alive today. Judge Caprio is now a bestselling author of the fabulous book Compassion in the Court. And yesterday, he gave the commencement address at Providence College. But today, he's here for you and me. And if you're watching this on YouTube, he has got his son David and his son Frank in tow today. And you're gonna see them smiling, laughing, and wiping away the tears here in the studio as they listen to their father share the wisdom you need to know. And I guarantee you, after you spend time with Judge Caprio today, you're gonna feel lighter and happier and more optimistic, because that's just the way he moves through life. So please help me welcome the Honorable Judge Frank Caprio to the Mel Robbins Podcast. First of all, I gotta say, I am so excited, Judge Caprio, that you are here. It is an honor to meet you, you, Honor.
- [08:16]
Judge Frank Caprio
Well, you have a pretty good reputation yourself.
- [08:19]
Mel Robbins
Well, that's a very, very kind thing to say, especially coming from somebody who's as respected as you are. Thank you. Well, you know, here's how I want to start. Judge Caprio, you are 88 years old. You have millions of followers on social media. So many of us were introduced to you because you were on television for 25 years and became known as America's nicest judge. What has 40 years on the bench and 88 years on this planet taught you about life?
- [08:49]
Judge Frank Caprio
Help other people, lift other people, particularly the unfortunate, the disabled, those in need, the hungry. You know, it doesn't take much. Sometimes it's just a matter of being nice and putting your hand on their shoulder and telling them that you believe in them. And if there's anything I could ever do to help you, like, let me know, you know, it's not a heavy lift at all for. For us. For them, it's like lifting a mountain, you know, but just letting them know that you care, it's not always giving. It's just giving of yourself. I always make the reference of put your hand on someone's shoulder, tell them you love them, tell them you believe in them, particularly your children and close associates and people who are in despair, who are going through crisis. Just let them know that you care, that you care. It's very, so important.
- [09:50]
Mel Robbins
You know, I love that about you. You, as a judge and as a human being, always take a person's story into consideration, and I think it's remarkable. At the age of 88, you're a retired judge. You also are a bona fide social media phenomenon, and you are known as America's nicest judge. Why do you think it's important to be kind and nice to people?
- [10:20]
Judge Frank Caprio
Because people look up to judiciary sometimes in a way that's terrifying. And unfortunately, it's not nice for me to say this, but unfortunately, some judges put a robe on, and they think it gives them the ability to take certain excesses that I don't appreciate or agree with. You know, I think that you have an obligation, though. You have that robe on, you know, and you have all of this authority, you know, and I always place myself in the shoes of the person before me. You know, it's a working guy with four kids. It's a mother, you know, and they tremble even. It doesn't make any difference who they are. They're trembling, they're before a judge. They don't know what's going to Happen, you know, when the judges up there, you know, many judges, they take themselves seriously. Oh, the robot. You know, I'm the boss here. And I mean, I never subscribed to that theory. You know, I always thought that you could be understanding and compassionate. It's very simple. It's what I was taught at my house. I was raised that way. My parents, you know, My father was one of 10, my mother was one of eight. I had 18 aunts and uncles. One was more compassionate than the other. The basic unit of society is the family unit, and everything springs from that.
- [11:47]
Mel Robbins
You know, One of the things that I also know about you is that you became famous and beloved for giving people second chances. And so here you are, a judge, and you are usually working with people or you're presiding over cases where people have parking fines, traffic violations. But you always sought to understand what was going on with somebody. Why do you believe people deserve second chances? Judge?
- [12:18]
Judge Frank Caprio
Well, tell me, who doesn't need a second chance in life? In other words, go through your life and think of all those times that you were given a break or a second chance. It's just the words understanding and compassionate, you know, are not just words. They sound nice, say, oh, it's wonderful. He's compassionate. What does that mean? You know, it's the exercise of being compassionate and understanding. And it's very simple. I just put myself in the shoes of the person before me. You know, I. I had a difficult. That's not the right word, but a very interesting bringing up. I came from a poor family and, well, we have stories about things that we couldn't have and places we went that people didn't think we belonged because we were poor and all of that. And my father was like a rock, you know, I'm a working man and he'd wear his milkman uniform, you know, he didn't care. He'd wear it to a Christmas ball, you know, and it was brought up to always take other people into consideration.
- [13:28]
Mel Robbins
So what did you learn from your dad by riding on the milk truck and going on the delivery route?
- [13:35]
Judge Frank Caprio
I learned how to treat people by my father's example. You know, my father was a very understanding person. One simple example is he was. He worked for a big company and they had a standard rule that if someone did not pay their milk bill after two weeks, you stop delivery. That was the company's policy. My father had his own policy. If they have children, he wasn't stopping the milk. He didn't care how far behind they were. As a matter of Fact, many times he'd put in back in those days, it was a lot of money. He put in a dollar or two toward their milk bill. Tell his superiors, they're making it an effort to pay, and they have children. And he stood them down. You know, a nice big sign on the truck, it says no riders. You wasn't supposed to be on the truck unless you work for the company. Except my brother and I, my father would wake us up. We were riders, you know, and carriers.
- [14:35]
Mel Robbins
Of the milk probably too. Right?
- [14:37]
Judge Frank Caprio
Right.
- [14:37]
Mel Robbins
You write in your remarkable book, Compassion in the Court, about one of the most impactful moments in your life. You were in sixth grade, you were about to graduate and something happened. Could you tell us that story?
- [14:52]
Judge Frank Caprio
I'm not sure if they still do this, but when you left the sixth grade, you went to middle school and it was a big deal. And we all had an autograph book, you know, and our friends would sign it. You know, if you're thirsty, you're near a spring, you know, all of that.
- [15:06]
Mel Robbins
All the funny stuff the kids write, right.
- [15:09]
Judge Frank Caprio
So my father came home from work one day and he was tired and he had his milkman uniform on and he was reading the newspaper. And I had my autograph book. I had my mother sign the autograph book first. I said, mom, you want to sign the book? She signed three pages. Love, mom. I love you. So I asked my father, I said, dad, will you sign my book? And he. So he just reached for it and he put it down and he just was staring at it for what seemed like a long time, probably a couple of minutes, trying to think of what he was going to say, you know, to his 12 year old son who's going to go to middle school. The street is wide, the road is long and very bumpy and very tough going. But I know that you will proceed along it honorably, with your head held high to the end of the highest learning. And then the line that really got me here was from your dad, Antonio Caprio Jr. My father was born in Italy, you know, he came here with his parents. He wanted to make sure that this document was accurate. So it wasn't just your dad, you know, Antonio Caprio Jr. This is an official document with my legal name, and I really mean it from the bottom of my heart is what he was saying to me. I still have that book. It's in the right hand drawer of my desk, you know, and I keep it.
- [16:57]
Mel Robbins
What do you think your dad was trying to say to you in that phrase?
- [17:02]
Judge Frank Caprio
My dad was trying to say to me, listen, we don't have the resources to give you material things in life. The road is tough going. It's very tough going. So you're going to have to be a little bit tougher than the next person and you're going to have to study hard. And he constantly was saying, you have to go to college. You have to go to college.
- [17:23]
Mel Robbins
I'm reading to you from page 43 and you write and you're reflecting on what your father said. My father was not educated, but he had the soul of a poet. I have read that message a thousand times. His words touched me to this day and I still find myself trying to make him proud and live up to his high expectations. For me to successfully navigate the wide street and long and bumpy road, we all need a moral compass. I wasn't told how to be moral. I learned by watching others, most importantly, the fine examples set by my mother and father. And they did set a really big example for you. And your father kept saying, go to college. And so you did tell me about going to college and what happened next in your life.
- [18:20]
Judge Frank Caprio
My father was one of 10 and he was considered the smartest one of the family. He was right in the middle and unfortunately he couldn't go to college because of the financial position. Family of 10 emigrated from Italy. They were fruit peddlers with a push cart. So my father's dream always was to go to college and it was not afforded to him. But, but he wanted to make sure that my brother and I both had an education. And he would wake us up at 4 o' clock in the morning and we'd go to work on the truck and he would constantly say, if you don't want to do this, you're gonna go to college. He just drove that into us and it worked because a lot of my friends, you know, after high school we had no money and they went out and got a job and then they were able to buy a car, you know, and they, they had some material things that I didn't have. And it was a temptation to go, not to go to college, to go out and get a job. But it was my father's dream that we do that and he impressed it upon us so much that there was, it was a no brainer for me that I had to go.
- [19:31]
Mel Robbins
Judge Caprio, I am so grateful that you're here. I want to take a quick pause so we can give our amazing sponsors a chance to share a few words. I also want to give you a chance to, to share this incredible conversation with people that you care about. Everybody needs some Judge Caprio in their life, so take a minute and share this and don't go anywhere. We're just digging into these life lessons and Judge Caprio and I will be waiting for you after a short break. So stay with us. You ever stop and think about how much you pack into a single day? You're getting kids out the door, racing to work, wiping up spills, picking up after the dog, tackling dishes, laundry. All of it never ends. If you're already doing all that, shouldn't you get something back for it? Of course you should. With P and G Good every day you can earn cash back and savings for buying the products that keep you going from morning routines to midnight messes. They got you covered. It's totally free to join and you'll unlock exclusive coupons, cashback rebates, and awesome prizes. Save big on over 60 PG brands with the new Brand Saver digital coupon program, all from your phone right now. Enter for a chance to win their biggest prize bundle ever, a P and G prize pack with Tide Gain, Cascade, Olay and more, valued at over $1,000. Enter as many times as you want for your chance to win through June 30th. No purchase necessary. Adults 18/Start saving hundreds of dollars on your favorite brands today. Sign up for free@pgcoupons.com Mel One thing we talk a lot with the experts that show up on this podcast is gut health. And one thing is very clear. If your gut's not supported, it throws everything out of balance. I mean, we're learning that everything comes back to your gut. And that's where Just Thrive Probiotic comes in. See, here's something a lot of people don't talk about. Most probiotics don't survive the trip through your stomach. But Just Thrive is clinically proven to make it to your gut 100% alive and ready to work to make your gut healthy. They can help keep your good bacteria in balance. They support digestion, they help your body absorb nutrients, and they keep your immune system working properly. The result? You have energy, better digestion, Support your gut, support your life with Just Thrive. Try just thrive for 90 days risk free and feel the difference in your digestion, your energy, your sleep, your whole Life. Go to justthrivehealth.com and use code MEL to save 20%. Take the 90 day Just Thrive Challenge today because when your gut thrives, you thrive. That's justthrivehealth.com promo code Mel. You know at the end of the day when you're locking up and then you're turning off the lights, what do you want? To feel safe. That's what Simplisafe is built to give you. See, most security systems only react after someone breaks in. That's too late. Simplisafe's new Active Guard Outdoor protection will change everything. It's proactive. AI powered cameras detect suspicious activity around your home. So if someone's lurking, real human agents speak to them through the camera. They flip on spotlights and can call the police before anything happens. That's not just surveillance. That's prevention and that's peace of mind. Whether you're at home or you're on vacation, Simplisafe keeps you safe. Plans start at about a dollar a day. No contracts, no hidden fees. 60 day money back guarantee. More than 4 million people already trust Simplisafe. Now it's your turn. Visit simplisafe.com Mel to claim 50% off a new system with a professional monitoring plan and get your first month free. That's simplisafe.com Mel there's no safe like Simplisafe. Welcome back. It's your buddy, Mel Robbins. Today you and I are getting to spend time with the remarkable Judge Frank Kapl. We are learning life lessons from his extraordinary 88 years and 40 years on the bench. So, Judge Caprio, where did you go to college and did you know Providence College? You went to Providence College. Did you know you wanted to be a lawyer?
- [23:41]
Judge Frank Caprio
My father, when I was. I don't. I must have been 12 years old. We lived in what they called a cold water flat, which meant we didn't have heat, central heat. We had an old potbelly stove. And I recall it like it happened like five minutes ago that my brother and myself. And it was freezing that day and we were sitting. They kept the oven door open so we could get some heat. My father would talk about things in life and so forth. And he was saying to my brother, this is what you're going to do in life, and so forth. And he said to me, he says, you're a good talker. These are his words. And I was 12 years old and I still remember them. He says, you're a good talker. You're going to be a lawyer someday. It was like an idiot coming down from heaven. I never wanted to be or do anything else except be a lawyer. As a matter of fact, when I was in middle school, we had to write a career book in the eighth grade. My career book was on being a lawyer, you know, and when I went to school, my courses were all geared toward going into the legal profession. And it was just that one sentence that my father said to me. And if I remember it correctly, he put his hand on my shoulder, Put his hand on my shoulder. You could have said, you're going to be president of the United States. No, no, no, no. I'm going to be a lawyer. My father said, I'm going to be a good lawyer. And then my father said, and this still remains with me, he said, remember, you can't charge poor people like us. Can't charge poor people like us. And then he said, but don't worry, because you make it up with the rich people. Those were his exact words. I was 12 years old. And can I tell you something? My law office has never charged a poor family. Never. And we won't.
- [25:40]
Mel Robbins
It is amazing, because you're right. It is like it came straight down from heaven because he basically told you what was going to happen, that you would be successful like the rich people, but you would never, ever, ever judge the poor.
- [25:57]
Judge Frank Caprio
I think more parents should do that. You know, sometimes parents think the way they can get their kids to succeed is by berating them. You have to encourage them, let them know you believe in them.
- [26:10]
Mel Robbins
And you did that every day in court. It was absolutely amazing to watch because you didn't just talk it, you showed it. When you graduated from college, did you go straight to law school or.
- [26:22]
Judge Frank Caprio
I determined when I was a junior in college that I would not have enough money to go to law school, so I'd have to get a job teaching. But I had majored in political science, which I thought would prepare me for law school, which doesn't, incidentally. It prepares you for political science. It does not prepare you for law school. But there was this misconception that, oh, you take political science, that's a pretty good entrance of the law. It's not, actually. Business is a better entrance into law. For all you kids out there who want to go to college and then to law school, major in business. I was a wrestling coach as well. Yeah, I taught at a Hope High School in Providence, Rhode Island.
- [27:06]
Mel Robbins
And how did teaching high school and coaching a wrestling team, what did that teach you about life?
- [27:12]
Judge Frank Caprio
Well, life. Life's a lesson for me. There's all the things that they taught you when you were younger. You know, if you don't give up, if you say you stay the course, you know, you find a way to do it. It's hard work but you will survive. So I always did what I had to do. But my final goal was law school.
- [27:32]
Mel Robbins
Yeah, law school.
- [27:34]
Judge Frank Caprio
Cause my father said to me, you're going to be a lawyer. Right? And I wanted to be a lawyer after that because I never wanted to be anything else.
- [27:43]
Mel Robbins
How long did you teach before you. Because you went to law school at night?
- [27:47]
Judge Frank Caprio
I went to law school at night, yeah. Four years.
- [27:50]
Mel Robbins
Okay.
- [27:51]
Judge Frank Caprio
Yeah, I taught for six years.
- [27:52]
Mel Robbins
So you taught for six years and then while you were teaching, you went to law school at night?
- [27:57]
Judge Frank Caprio
Yes.
- [27:59]
Mel Robbins
Wow. And what did that period of your life teach you? Just keep going. There's a will, there's a way. You can figure it out.
- [28:06]
Judge Frank Caprio
There never was. Oh, poor me. And I used to drive. Me and a friend of mine would drive up to law school, and then he dropped out. So I drive up alone. Sometimes I took the train. One time I got stuck right outside the Lafayette house and had to hitchhike the rest of the way to school.
- [28:27]
Mel Robbins
Well, there's one thing about you. Once you lock your mind on something, you're gonna find a way.
- [28:32]
Judge Frank Caprio
Oh, yeah, I'm gonna find a way.
- [28:34]
Mel Robbins
So what kind of law did you practice before you.
- [28:36]
Judge Frank Caprio
General law.
- [28:37]
Mel Robbins
General law.
- [28:37]
Judge Frank Caprio
General law.
- [28:38]
Mel Robbins
And how did you come to be elected to become a judge?
- [28:42]
Judge Frank Caprio
First of all, I ran for the Providence City council when I was a lawyer. And I ran against the president of the city council, who was a very powerful individual. He had been in the council for 35 years. He was considered the most powerful figure in Providence, more powerful than the mayor. And it was a remarkable victory back then.
- [29:06]
Mel Robbins
What happened when you won?
- [29:08]
Judge Frank Caprio
I won. I was the boss.
- [29:10]
Mel Robbins
That's fantastic. So when did you decide to run and become a judge or how were you appointed to become a judge?
- [29:19]
Judge Frank Caprio
Actually, I was appointed by the city council because it's a municipal judge.
- [29:23]
Mel Robbins
Got it.
- [29:24]
Judge Frank Caprio
Judgeship.
- [29:24]
Mel Robbins
Okay.
- [29:25]
Judge Frank Caprio
So I had my friends on the council and I had the councilmen from my district and the mayor supporting me. I had a pretty good record in public life, so I wasn't exactly an unknown.
- [29:38]
Mel Robbins
Now, were you excited to be a judge? Is it something that you thought you wanted to do or did somebody recommend it to you?
- [29:43]
Judge Frank Caprio
This judgeship was ideal for me because it's a part time job judgeship because I could never have supported five kids on a judge's salary, particularly a municipal judge's salary. So I was able to be. I was actually a part time judge. I was the chief judge and there were two other judges, but it wasn't. I could still practice law While I was practicing on the court as well. If not, I would never have been able to take the job.
- [30:11]
Mel Robbins
So in your Incredible book, chapter 19, you write about the first day as a judge and what it taught you about compassion. Would you be able to tell us that story about what happened the first day you.
- [30:29]
Judge Frank Caprio
I'm on. I get elected. No, I'm a judge. I got the robe, right? I'm gonna go. I'm the boss. I'm gonna sit on the bench. And this is it now, right? I have arrived. So I said to my father, I said, dad, my first day on the bench, he said, I'll come down and walk. I said, good, come down. I'd love for you to come down. So I'm there, and I am really full of myself. I'm a judge now. Look at me. All rise, please. Everybody rises and so forth. It's so crazy. So this woman comes before me. She owed me. She had a boot on her car. I don't know what she owed. A couple hundred dollars in tickets, and she couldn't pay them. So I said, well, if you don't pay it, I'm not going to take the boot off the car. And she says, I just don't have the money. I don't have the money, and I have four kids. It's my first day on the bench. No one's going to bully me around, right? So I says, well, you owe the money, and if you don't, we're going to leave the boot on the car. She said, I don't have the money. I have to get my kids to school. So I said, I'm sorry. Continue the case. We'll give you a couple of days to come in, right? My father's in the courtroom. After court's over, my father comes into chambers. I said to the sheriff, how'd my father come in chambers? I'm so happy. I said, dad, how did it go? He said, how did it go? How could you do that? How could I do what? He said, that woman. I said, she was disrespectful, you know. I said she wasn't respecting the court. I said I wasn't going to take care of her. He said, frank, she had four kids. Now, suppose she can't feed the kids tonight if she paid those tickets. Now she doesn't have a car. She can't drive him to school. What are you doing? You weren't brought up that way. My first day on the court set the tone of my judgeship of over 30 years. After that, I took Everybody's personal situation into consideration in the imposition of a sentence. And that case still bothers me. It still bothers me to this day when I think about it. I say to myself, how could you do that? With my upbringing and so forth? And I don't know why my first day is my case. This woman, she was insulting to begin with, but you have to overcome that.
- [32:57]
Mel Robbins
Because she was scared.
- [32:59]
Judge Frank Caprio
And she was scared to death, right?
- [33:00]
Mel Robbins
Yes.
- [33:00]
Judge Frank Caprio
As my father said.
- [33:01]
Mel Robbins
Well, I think she was a gift to you because you write in this book on page 110, the lesson was that being a judge is much more about the person in front of you than it is about the law. Since then, I've always tried to find out what was really going on with the person. And I always considered how my ruling would impact not only them, but their whole family.
- [33:27]
Judge Frank Caprio
Right.
- [33:28]
Mel Robbins
Like, if you really think about that.
- [33:31]
Judge Frank Caprio
Those aren't only words. I did that.
- [33:34]
Mel Robbins
Yes. Yes, you did. You did that for over 30 years.
- [33:37]
Judge Frank Caprio
Right.
- [33:38]
Mel Robbins
And I think you needed that case with your father sitting there to be reminded of who you are. We all need those moments. You were just smart enough and wonderful enough to recognize what it was and to actually change, which is incredible. You know, if somebody is listening to you, judge, and they want to follow your advice of putting more kindness into the world, of being more compassionate towards other people, how can you practice that? Particularly in a moment of time where things seem overwhelming, the headlines are stressful, the economy's all over the place, or maybe you feel like, well, it's not going to make a difference if I'm kind. What would you say to somebody?
- [34:27]
Judge Frank Caprio
Place yourself in their shoes. Imagine that you were sitting there because it could happen to all of us, you know, tomorrow. We don't know what tomorrow brings. We've had many very wealthy people who ended up penniless, you know, and so I always have subscribed to that. I always place myself in the shoes of the person that was before me and then try to exercise a modicum of compassionate understanding. Sometimes I went overboard, but you know what? I'd rather go overboard with compassion than go overboard with punishment.
- [35:04]
Mel Robbins
When you step into somebody else's shoes as a judge, you have seen people at their most vulnerable. You have seen them scared. You've seen them ashamed. What's something that you've learned from all of these interactions with people that really gives you hope about human beings and the world? Because you have been in this amazing role as a judge? You step into people's. You consider their circumstances. You always take into account how this is going to impact the family. What do you believe is true about the true nature of every human being that stands before you?
- [35:47]
Judge Frank Caprio
We're not in this world alone. We have to rely on other people for many necessities in life, for some of our needs. We have an obligation to use whatever resources we have our own resources to help others to make society better because of our contributions. Those are the words we hear all the time. You know, dedicate yourself to a cause, give to charity, help people. They sound good, but put them in practice. I mean, I've seen people, I mean, for lack of a better term, who are frauds, who are preaching this, but don't do it. People in public life, you know, they preach one thing and do another. My theory always was, you know, if you deserved an 8 or you deserve the 6 in sympathy, I gave you a 10, hoping that it would help you and that it would change your life.
- [36:41]
Mel Robbins
Judge Caprio, thank you for sharing what you just said. I am going to remember this conversation forever. I want to take a quick pause and give you a chance to share this wisdom and this extraordinary conversation with the people that you care about. And don't go anywhere because Judge Caprio and I are gonna be waiting for you after a short break. So stay with us. If you don't know what to bring to the barbecue or the fourth of July cookout this year, I know just the thing. My mochi ice cream. It's premium ice cream wrapped in a soft, sweet little dough. No cones, no bowls, no spoons. You just open the box and boom, everybody's going to want one. You get six in a pack, 70 calories each. The flavors, amazing. Strawberry, mango cookies and cream. And they're all gluten free and delicious. Everyone at the party can grab the one they want without scooping, making a mess, or standing around with sticky hands. No cleanup. I've seen this firsthand. Whether it's a barbecue or at our studios in Boston, my mochi ice cream is always a hit and disappears like that. And honestly, you don't need a party to treat yourself. Keep a box in the freezer and you got instant joy anytime you open the if you want to feel joyfully chill, you can't go wrong with my mochi. This fourth of July served my mochi America's number one mochi ice cream. Look for the purple box of Mymochi ice cream at Walmart or visit mymochi.com to find a store near you. That's mymoch I.com One thing we talk a lot with the experts that show up on this podcast is gut health. And one thing is very clear, if your gut's not supported, it throws everything out of balance. I mean, we're learning that everything comes back to your gut. And that's where Just Thrive probiotic comes in. See, here's something a lot of people don't talk about. Most probiotics don't survive the trip through your stomach. But Just Thrive is clinically proven to make it to your gut 100% alive and ready to work to make your gut healthy. They can help keep your good bacteria in balance. They support digestion, they help your body absorb nutrients, and they keep your immune system working properly. The result, you have energy, better digestion, support your gut, support your life with Just Thrive. Try just thrive for 90 days risk free and feel the difference in your digestion, your energy, your sleep, your whole Life. Go to justthrivehealth.com and use code MEL to save 20%. Take the 90 day Just Thrive Challenge today because when your gut thrives, you thrive. That's justthrivehealth.com promo code mellow. So I woke up the other day and I had this huge craving for a delicious New York City bagel. You know the kind I'm talking about? Crisp on the outside, chewy and thick in the middle. Oh my God. The only problem, I live in the mountains of Vermont, not exactly Manhattan. So I went to goldbelly.com next thing you know, I had a box full of big, chewy, amazing hand rolled fresh bagels from the legendary Essa bagel in the heart of New York City on my doorstep in Vermont. All thanks to goldbelly.com Gold Belly is this incredible website that delivers iconic famous foods from hundreds of the best restaurants and brands across the country straight to your place with free shipping. You want a deep dish Chicago pizza from Lou Malnati's in Chicago? Done craving Joe's stone crab in Miami. Mm. Send it, please. And don't get me started on Ina Garten's coconut cake with cream cheese icing. I ordered it. It's in my freezer right now. So if you're looking for that perfect gift or you want to impress your friends and family with an epic meal, next time you host, go to goldbelly.com and get free shipping and 20% off your first order with promo code MEL. That's goldbelly.com code MEL for free shipping and 20% off your 1st order. Welcome back. It's your buddy, Mel Robbins and Today we are spending time hearing the life changing stories from America's nicest judge, Frank Caprio. So, Judge Caprio, you know, you mentioned that you really regret how you handled that first case. How do you deal with regret? The things that you wish you had done differently?
- [40:53]
Judge Frank Caprio
It's a lesson. Just I never repeated it after that. And I was on the bench for 30 years after that. I never repeated it. I can't tell you how many times I was there and I knee jerk reaction. I wanted to say really beg somebody and I said, you know, I can't do that. They have kids at home. They probably won't be able to put food on the table tonight, you know, so all of those things, you know.
- [41:17]
Mel Robbins
Judge, your show Caught in Providence went on public access TV in Rhode island about 25 years ago and it later went into syndication all over the world. And now you are online, you have millions of followers. These clips inspire people around the world. I'm talking billions of views. Why do you think your work and your approach to life and relationships is resonating with people?
- [41:47]
Judge Frank Caprio
Because it addresses decency, it addresses honor. It addresses all of those things that families are hoping for for themselves. And that's what it's all about. It addresses compassion and understanding. I don't just use those words when I was on the bench, you know, I exercised them, you know, and it's very simple. Just put yourself in the shoes of the person before you. How do you want them to treat you?
- [42:16]
Mel Robbins
You have been just known and people follow you. Millions of people follow you because of the incredible advice that you give. What do you think the best advice is that you've given?
- [42:29]
Judge Frank Caprio
Just be honorable.
- [42:31]
Mel Robbins
What does that mean? Because I think in the world today, a lot of people don't even think about honor.
- [42:35]
Judge Frank Caprio
When people came before me, I would implore them, just tell me the truth, just tell me the truth. Be honorable about all of this. You know, and at the end of the day, it pays off. It does pay off. You know, I showed compassion to people. Some people came in, they had nightmarish stories. I mean, I had a woman come in and she owed $500 in tickets and she didn't pay him. And she said she didn't have the money and that she was shot in the leg. She had a bullet in her leg. What do you do in a case like that?
- [43:13]
Mel Robbins
I would probably dismiss it so she can pay her medical bills.
- [43:17]
Judge Frank Caprio
That's what I did.
- [43:18]
Mel Robbins
You know, one of the things that I want to read to you from your bestselling book Compassion in the court. This is on page 116. And I'd love to hear you reflect on this, because in being a big fan of yours, the way that you spoke to children in particular always struck me. I often tell children that I'm expecting them to leave my courtroom and go on to do great things. The power in knowing someone expects greatness from you is immeasurable. I am certain that people feel inspired to do their best because along the way someone told them they believed in them. I'm certain that I became an attorney and in time a judge because my father and mother told me I could be one. Imagine if all of us did more acts of generosity and we told more people that we believed in them, how much better we could make the world. Talk to me a little bit about that.
- [44:14]
Judge Frank Caprio
I think that you can change the course of someone's life right in like a minute by placing your hand on their shoulder and telling them that you love them, that you believe in them, and that they will succeed if you encourage people in the gentlest way instead of yelling and screaming and berating them. And I've always made it a very special point when people came to court with children to concentrate on the children in a positive manner, because as soon as they walk into the courtroom, they're terrified. The courtroom can be a very intimidating experience. You walk into a courtroom if you're 12 years old, I mean, you see a judge in a robe, you see a cop with a gun, you see an oak panel of courtroom, you see everybody sitting like this, you know, and particularly if the judges, for lack of a better term, a jerk, you know, and is insisting that everybody behave in a certain way. I never did that. You know, I always try to treat people civilly, you know, and let them feel comfortable. Some of the best episodes are when there were children in the courtroom. And I brought them up on the bench and had them help me determine their parents case. And some of the answers just are amazing and they're humorous, but they're very revealing. We had one in particular. There was a family that relocated from Africa and came to the United States. They had been here for six months and they came to court and I think there were two or three children, but one of the children was about 10 years old and I had him come up, you know, they came from Africa and they were only here for six months. You know, he's up at the bench and they're nervous so forth. So I said, I'm going to ask you one question. Is your father guilty or not? Guilty. And with our hesitation, he said guilty.
- [46:08]
Mel Robbins
Oh, my. So what was it was just. Was it like a speeding ticket or a parking ticket?
- [46:12]
Judge Frank Caprio
A speeding ticket.
- [46:13]
Mel Robbins
Speeding ticket, yeah.
- [46:14]
Judge Frank Caprio
He said guilty. And I mean, it just broke the house up. And I always think of that. And kids are so honest.
- [46:23]
Mel Robbins
What did you do in that case?
- [46:25]
Judge Frank Caprio
I dismissed the case.
- [46:27]
Mel Robbins
And why did you dismiss the case?
- [46:28]
Judge Frank Caprio
Because he had four children. He came from Africa. He was just getting started to earn a living here. And so in consideration of his family commitments and the fact that he was very respectful, I took that into consideration.
- [46:46]
Mel Robbins
So you and your wife Joyce have been married for over 60 years. What advice do you have to somebody who may be listening, who is just at the beginning of their relationship?
- [47:00]
Judge Frank Caprio
Well, it's a give and take situation, you know, there's no such thing as a boss in the marriage.
- [47:05]
Mel Robbins
So you can't be the judge when you come home, Is that what you're saying?
- [47:12]
Judge Frank Caprio
I behave myself.
- [47:14]
Mel Robbins
Joyce is watching, so be careful.
- [47:17]
Judge Frank Caprio
No, we have a. We have five children and she's the best mother in the world. We have a great relationship. You know, we've had our issues on minor things, you know, and we don't talk for a day, maybe a day and a half, and that's it, you know. But she knows me pretty well by now, and I know her pretty well. And we don't have those skirmishes anymore.
- [47:45]
Mel Robbins
Well, I would imagine you're both pretty kind to each other.
- [47:50]
Judge Frank Caprio
Whatever she wants, she gets.
- [47:52]
Mel Robbins
Well, there you go. You just said the secret to a marriage, Judge. Whatever my wife wants, we're good. That's how you keep peace in the house. So, Judge, you recently had a life altering diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. Can you share what this journey of facing this cancer diagnosis has taught you?
- [48:18]
Judge Frank Caprio
Well, it teaches you a lot. Teaches to stay close to the people you love. It drives you to prayer. You test your religion, you examine your life and see where you went wrong. Try to make amends and try to set an example of strength for those that are around you. For someone that was pretty healthy entire life, so all of a sudden get a. It's a death sentence. Pancreatic cancer is not curable. So it's a question of how long you can live with it. And I haven't given up the battle. I've unfortunate treated by two very well known and proficient medical teams at the Dana Farber Institute and the Miami Institute because I spent winter down in Miami. So I'm very fortunate to have excellent medical treatment. But it's a natural tendency to when you're younger, think of, you know, how long am I going to live and how am I going to die? Am I going to die in a car accident? What's going to happen so I know how I'm going to die. I'm going to die, want to die of cancer and going to try to stay around as long as possible. I'm very fortunate that I feel well.
- [50:01]
Mel Robbins
You look great.
- [50:02]
Judge Frank Caprio
Well, I feel well. I'm not giving up. There's one thing I never did in life was give up and I'm certainly not giving up now.
- [50:14]
Mel Robbins
If the person who's listening is going through something very difficult like you are, or somebody that they love is, they have a scary diagnosis, they're really struggling, what would you say to them?
- [50:26]
Judge Frank Caprio
Judge, you really have no choice. Listen to your medical providers. Everyone wants to be their own doctor. I do what the doctors tell me to do and I tell them to be honest with me. How longer do I have to live? What is my prescribed course of treatment and. But rely on expert medical advice is the only advice that I can give them Now.
- [50:55]
Mel Robbins
As you approach your 90s, you're approaching your 90s.
- [51:00]
Judge Frank Caprio
Well, it's not, I mean, I'm approaching my mid-80s.
- [51:03]
Mel Robbins
I mean, you know, what, what are you looking forward to?
- [51:10]
Judge Frank Caprio
I'm looking to keep my family intact. I'm very lucky. We have a very close knit family.
- [51:18]
Mel Robbins
I can tell two of your sons are here. They're making sure that you don't like screw up. That's why they're here. I can tell they're here watching.
- [51:25]
Judge Frank Caprio
Oh yeah, I need them because I do. I'm very incorrigible, so they have to keep me alone.
- [51:32]
Mel Robbins
What do you think makes for a good life?
- [51:36]
Judge Frank Caprio
A good life is, excuse me. Good life is being a good family man, good family person and having good friends. That's all there is to life. Everyone who thinks that they're better than someone else or because of their wealth, that they have special privileges. No, we're all in the same boat here together.
- [52:00]
Mel Robbins
So what are your plans for the future? What do you still want to do? What do you want to see? What do you want to experience, Judge?
- [52:08]
Judge Frank Caprio
Well, I enjoy traveling. I've been very lucky to travel to Europe, to my father's village where he was born. Actually he was born. I went to where my dad was born. It was a dirt for still that it's still a dirt for. And I was able to go to the Middle east. So I enjoy traveling. And as trite as it sounds, I Know, it sounds. I enjoy. I derive great pleasure out of helping people.
- [52:45]
Mel Robbins
I don't think that sounds trite at all. In fact, I think that's the secret to a good life, is being kind, being encouraging and helping people.
- [52:55]
Judge Frank Caprio
Being in the service to others is what gives you a happy life.
- [53:00]
Mel Robbins
For the person who's listening right now, who is like you and maybe tired or retired or a little older, what words of encouragement would you give them about what's possible for the rest of their lives?
- [53:14]
Judge Frank Caprio
I think they should become active in some civic duties. You know, volunteer at the home for the elderly, you know, help people, drive people, but be of service to others as much as you can.
- [53:30]
Mel Robbins
And what do you think your father would say about who you've become?
- [53:38]
Judge Frank Caprio
Well, he put his hand on it, so. He'd be so proud. No, he'd be a vindication of everything that he taught me. He taught me by way of example, you know, like when I saw my father paying a milk bill for one of his customers. He didn't have to give me a speech, you know, he disappointed by his actions. He came here with nothing, from Italy, you know, had to leave school. He was so smart. But he had to work, work menu jobs. So I owe a great deal to him, which every father should set that example.
- [54:25]
Mel Robbins
And I think your sons would say the same, since they're crying right over there in this studio, that you've set an incredible example for them.
- [54:33]
Judge Frank Caprio
Well, they've both done pretty well.
- [54:37]
Mel Robbins
You're a hard act to beat. So that's saying a lot. That's saying a lot. What would you tell yourself if you could go back in time? You're on those milk runs, you're 10 years old, you're on Federal Hill. What would you say to yourself?
- [54:54]
Judge Frank Caprio
I'd say, don't quit because the end of the road is successful. I mean, I have a great family. I'm not an extraordinarily wealthy man. But I'm not broke, you know, I. I have an opportunity to come and speak to you and other programs as well. I've had an opportunity to give back. There's a great sense of joy in giving back and not just receiving. I never was a receiver, you know, and I keep using the same phrase all the time. I got that from my father, you know, and.
- [55:40]
Mel Robbins
And we're getting it from you. That's the example that you have given to the world. To not take, but to give.
- [55:48]
Judge Frank Caprio
I am amazed at the impact that my actions have had worldwide. Now, this is going to sound very egotistical. It is not. I get messages from all over the world every day, and the conclusion that I come to is that the world is not full of compassion or understanding. We're in a very contentious world, and being exposed to people worldwide. I get the messages every day. Congratulations, though. Thank you. We need more people who take into consideration the plight of others and. And it's very rewarding, you know, since.
- [56:31]
Mel Robbins
You have a global audience and you are inspiring and encouraging people around the world. For somebody that is feeling very discouraged, they may live in a part of the world where they don't have a lot of support, the headlines are scary. How do you keep hope alive, Judge?
- [56:53]
Judge Frank Caprio
Well, the first priority I have whenever I have issues like that is my religion. So I'm not a holy roller, but I do. I am a practicing Catholic, and I'm a very strong believer in the power of prayer. And that usually is what gets me through all of these scrapes that I'm thinking about.
- [57:16]
Mel Robbins
So if the person listening, Judge, takes just one thing from everything that you've shared, what do you think the most important thing to do would be to make your life better? What are your parting words?
- [57:33]
Judge Frank Caprio
My parting words are that we are not in this world alone, that we have to rely on each other, and that we should show understanding and compassion toward others and help them in their time of need.
- [57:46]
Mel Robbins
Judge Caprio, it is an honor to be with you. I am so glad that you are here, that we are getting to be inspired by your life, by the way that you move through life. It has been an honor to sit with you, to be inspired by you, and I wanted to be sure to tell you I love you.
- [58:06]
Judge Frank Caprio
I'm very appreciative of the opportunity. Thank you so much.
- [58:10]
Mel Robbins
You're welcome. And I appreciate you. I appreciate you for taking the time to listen and to learn and to spend time with somebody as remarkable as Judge Caprio. And in case nobody else tells you, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And one of the things that I'm taking away from this one is the power of kindness and the fact that purpose is not what you do, it's how you do it. And I think in this moment, how we do it and how we treat other people is absolutely everything. I cannot wait to hear what you get out of this. I can't wait to hear what the people you share this episode with get out of this. And I also will be waiting for you to welcome you into the very next episode the moment you hit play. I'll see you there.
- [59:06]
Judge Frank Caprio
We doing okay?
- [59:07]
Mel Robbins
You're doing great.
- [59:08]
Judge Frank Caprio
I'm doing great.
- [59:10]
Mel Robbins
The camera got tired. Tech is good when it works, right?
- [59:13]
Judge Frank Caprio
I broke the camera.
- [59:14]
Mel Robbins
No, you didn't. You guys even get choked up on.
- [59:19]
Judge Frank Caprio
That story every time is my two worst critics. How are we doing? Okay, so far, so good. See, David's always measured. So far, so good.
- [59:30]
Mel Robbins
We can still screw this up is what they're saying.
- [59:34]
Judge Frank Caprio
Oh, I'll tell you. I'll tell you that story in a minute. So I got 168.
- [59:40]
Mel Robbins
That's all right. Well, it's all great in this book. Everything you wrote's fantastic. So any page you turn to is a winner.
- [59:47]
Judge Frank Caprio
How do we do? All right.
- [59:48]
Mel Robbins
I think you did really good. Let's ask these guys.
- [59:51]
Judge Frank Caprio
I'll find out later. Don't tell me.
- [59:52]
Mel Robbins
How about you guys? Did we miss anything?
- [59:54]
Judge Frank Caprio
You shouldn't have said this. You shouldn't have said that.
- [59:56]
Mel Robbins
Class act, you know that?
- [59:57]
Judge Frank Caprio
I'm glad it worked out okay.
- [59:59]
Mel Robbins
Okay? You were fantastic.
- [60:02]
Judge Frank Caprio
Okay? Thank you. I appreciate the opportunity. Trust me.
- [60:05]
Mel Robbins
Well, I appreciate you making it here. I. I appreciate you fighting. Keep going. We need you.
- [60:13]
Judge Frank Caprio
Thank you.
- [60:13]
Mel Robbins
World needs you. Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode. Stitcher. Hey, this is Jeff Lewis from Radio Andy live and uncensored. Catch me talking with my friends about my latest UPSC sessions, relationship issues and bodily ailments. With that kind of drama that seems to follow me, you never know what's going to happen.
- [61:09]
Judge Frank Caprio
You can listen to Jeff Lewis live.
- [61:11]
Mel Robbins
At home or anywhere you are. Download the SiriusXM app for over 425 channels of AD, Free music, sports, entertainment and more.
- [61:21]
Judge Frank Caprio
Subscribe now and get 3 months free offer details.
- [61:24]
Mel Robbins
Apply at Capella University. You can learn at your own pace with our flexpath learning format. Take one or two courses at a time and complete as many as you can in a 12 week billing session. With Flexpath, you can finish the bachelor's degree you started in 19 months and under $19,000. A different future is closer than you think. With Capella University. Learn more at capella. Edu fast as 25% of students. Cost varies by pace, transfer credits and other factors.
- [61:58]
Judge Frank Caprio
Fees apply.