Stanford Luck Researcher: How to Manifest the Life You Want

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Mel Robbins Podcast

Episode: Stanford Luck Researcher: How to Manifest the Life You Want
Date: April 20, 2026
Host: Mel Robbins
Guest: Dr. Tina Seelig (Stanford Professor, Neuroscientist, Author of "What I Wish I Knew About Luck")

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Overview

This episode dives into the science of luck with Dr. Tina Seelig, renowned Stanford Professor and expert in neuroplasticity, entrepreneurship, and innovation. Mel and Dr. Seelig challenge the traditional notion of luck as random chance and, instead, unfold a research-backed framework for creating your own luck through mindset, risk-taking, action, and generosity. Along the way, they separate fortune from luck and provide practical tools to radically change your approach to opportunity, adversity, and self-determination.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Difference Between "Fortune" and "Luck"

• Fortune: The hand you’re dealt--where you’re born, circumstances you cannot control (10:15)

  • "Fortune is the things that happen to you. Luck is what you control." – Dr. Seelig [10:15]
  • Examples: Systemic racism, poverty, pandemics, family background

• Luck: How you play that hand; the outcome of your choices, actions, and attitude (10:57)

  • "You have more control over how you respond to it." – Dr. Seelig [10:57]
  • Luck is built rather than bestowed

Luck as a Skill, Not a Trait

• Luck isn’t mystical or exclusive; it’s a dynamic developed through taking calculated risks and seeking out new experiences (11:48)
  • "Luck is ubiquitous…Opportunities are like the wind, but you need a sail to catch it." – Dr. Seelig [18:04]
• Most people miss their role in generating luck: "Oftentimes the things that we attribute to luck…actually, there was something that I set in motion that I’m not giving myself credit for." – Mel Robbins [09:04]

Dealing with Adversity & Inequality

• Dr. Seelig acknowledges real systemic and individual obstacles but insists you still have agency.
  • Example: Her work with The Last Mile at San Quentin State Prison shows people transforming their mindset to unlock possibilities, even in dire circumstances. [19:20]
  • "Life is not fair… but we have choices we make." – Dr. Seelig [19:20]

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The Winds of Luck Framework

The Winds of Luck Analogy (21:06–24:35)

• House: Staying inside, missing out on opportunities
• Weather Vane: Observes opportunities but takes no action (22:19)
• Hot Air Balloon: Drifts wherever the wind blows—sometimes it's healthy to explore, but not always effective (22:38)
• Windmill: Harnesses local winds, makes the most of a given situation (23:14)
  • "You don’t get a job; you get the keys to the building." – Dr. Seelig [23:33]
• Sailboat: Actively sets direction and uses the wind (opportunity) to reach a specific goal (24:34)

The Three Steps to “Sailing” into Luck

1. Build the Sailboat (Internal Work):
   • Define your core values ("like the keel")
   • Own your personal narrative—move from “I’m unlucky” to “I make luck”
   • Assess your risk profile; where are you comfortable, where can you grow?
2. Recruit Your Crew (Relationships):
   • Ask for what you want
   • Help others (generosity brings luck back)
   • Show appreciation and make meaningful introductions
   • "Luck seldom sails solo. Luck is usually as a result of your engagement with other people." – Dr. Seelig [60:50]
3. Hoist the Sail (Action):
   • Take calculated risks to leave your comfort zone
   • Keep taking action--the more moves you make, the more “lucky” you become
   • Develop curiosity: "The more curious you can be, the better listener you are…opportunities will present themselves." – Dr. Seelig [63:37]

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Practical Tools & Memorable Stories

The Six Types of Risk (The "Riskometer") [38:23–45:39]

• Physical
• Emotional
• Social
• Financial
• Intellectual
• Ethical (implied in core values discussion)
• Map your tolerance (0-10 scale) and look for ways to stretch where you’re risk-averse

The $5 Stanford Challenge (45:53–48:04)

• Students given $5 and two hours to make the most money
  • Most successful didn’t use the $5—identified larger opportunities
  • Lesson: Limitations can spark creativity and luck

The Power of Small Risks and Reaching Out (51:57–55:05)

• Story: Oliver contacts Dr. Seelig to become a “luck coach”
  • He takes a small risk, asks for 5 minutes, shows gratitude, and is proactive in offering value
  • Ends up as her research assistant, featured in her book
  • "If he hadn’t taken the risk to ask for the meeting, it would never have happened." – Mel Robbins [52:38]
• Follow-up (thank you notes, offering help) amplifies luck

Generosity and Luck (55:28–59:02)

• Help others without expecting direct return—luck multiplies
• Warm introductions and authentic compliments create new connections and opportunities

Transformative Habits for Generating Luck

• Take small steps: compliment a stranger, strike up conversations, try something new today

• Stir the soup: even if opportunities seem absent, shift the energy by putting yourself out there

  "Remember: We are all one decision away from a completely different life." – Dr. Seelig [13:54, 67:10]

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Real Talk: Addressing Skepticism & Stagnation

• If you feel unlucky/stuck, start with one action to "stir the soup" this week: Apply for a job, introduce yourself to someone new, sign up for a class, or simply leave the house and engage.
• Luck is a long game; small, repeated actions compound over time (64:39)

  "The choices you make today determine the choices you are going to have in the future." – Dr. Seelig [66:51]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

"Luck is what you create in spite of those [unfortunate circumstances] through the choices you make, the chances you take, and the risks you are willing to live through."
— Mel Robbins [00:50]

"Opportunities are like the wind, but you need a sail to catch it."
— Dr. Tina Seelig [18:04]

"You do not get a job. You get the keys to the building."
— Dr. Tina Seelig [23:33]

"The harder I work, the luckier I get. But you need to know what that hard work is."
— Dr. Tina Seelig [61:35]

"Be curious. Try lots of things. Keep what works. … Before something’s your passion, it’s something you know nothing about."
— Dr. Tina Seelig [63:37]

"Luck is a long game. Luck is like investing money. You start out putting little deposits, and it compounds over time."
— Dr. Tina Seelig [64:39]

"If you were going to pick one thing [to do this week], do something to stir the soup…open the door to something new."
— Dr. Tina Seelig [67:10]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [07:51] — What luck really is; "apparently" defined
• [10:06] — Physics of luck: cause and effect
• [21:04] — The Winds of Luck analogy explained
• [24:34] — Journey through risk: building the sailboat
• [38:23–45:39] — The Riskometer: six types of risk
• [45:53–48:04] — The $5 Challenge: creativity and opportunity
• [51:57–55:05] — How small asks and follow-ups create luck
• [55:28–59:02] — Generosity as the ultimate luck amplifier
• [60:50] — Summary of the three-step framework
• [66:51] — The compounding effect of luck and creating agency

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Final Takeaways

• Luck is built, not bestowed. It's a series of actions, risk-taking, and the willingness to interact with the world that sets the stage for serendipity.
• Luck compounds. Even small steps, over time, drastically increase your chances of breakthrough moments.
• Start small, start now. If you do nothing else, take one new action today—introduce yourself, ask for help, help others, or say yes to something new.

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Closing Encouragement

"The fact that you hit play on this episode…is an example of what you are talking about, Tina. That you took an action aligned with something that you want, which is you do wanna be luckier in life… you will be luckier because you will have created it."
— Mel Robbins [68:10]

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For more:

• Follow Mel at @melrobbins
• Get Dr. Tina Seelig’s new book, What I Wish I Knew About Luck.

Share this episode with friends who need a boost—according to the science, it might be the luckiest thing you do today.

Transcript

[Mel Robbins]

Hey, it's your friend Mel. And welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Have you ever looked at someone else's life and thought, how did they get so lucky? I mean, they always seem to meet the right person, land the right opportunities, always seem to be in the right place at the right time over and over again. And meanwhile, here you are doing the work. You're capable, you're showing up, you're trying to, but it feels like things never break your way, like it's never gonna be your turn. Good things don't happen for someone like you. But let me ask you this. If you could turn your luck around, wouldn't you? Well, this may sound cheesy, but today is your lucky day. Because we have an extraordinary expert from Stanford today who has spent decades studying the science of luck. And she's here to tell you that most people aren't unlucky. They just don't understand how the science of luck works. See, she's been researching why some intelligent, motivated people just like you are staying stuck, while others with the same resources, the same uncertainty, well, they just keep moving forward. Luck isn't a personality trait. It's not something you're born with, and it's definitely not something you sit around and wait for. Luck is built through your actions and your mindset. You're gonna learn all about it today. But let me be clear about something. There is an enormous difference between creating your own luck and the circumstances of your life, which is fortune, where you're born, whatever it is that you're dealing with right now, the unfair and cruel things that are happening in the world that you can't control. But luck. Luck is what you create in spite of those things through the choices you make, the chances you take, and the risks you are willing to live through. I am so excited that you're here because in this episode you're going to learn how to radically change your mindset, how to change your actions, how to leverage all this science and research so you can become one of the luckiest people you know.

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[Mel Robbins]

Hey, it's your friend Mel. And welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am so excited that you're here. I'm excited for our conversation today. It's such an honor to be together and to spend this time with you. And if you're new or somebody sent this episode to you, I just want to personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. Today's guest is someone I have wanted to sit down with for a long time because her work is all about the science of luck. That's right. You can learn how to become a luckier person. I'm talking about Dr. Tina Selig. Dr. Selig earned her PhD in neuroscience at Stanford Medical School with a specific focus on neuroplasticity and has spent over 25 years at Stanford University where she's a Professor of entrepreneurship, the Director Emerita of the Stanford Technology Ventures Program, and Executive Director of Knight Hennessy Scholars at Stanford University. She's also the author of 18 books, including her wildly popular bestseller, what I Wish I Knew when I was 20 and her latest book, what I Wish I Knew About Luck, is what we're going to be talking about today. In it, she makes a powerful distinction that that I think is gonna change how you think about your life. Fortune is the hand you've been dealt. Luck is how you play it. Luck is a skill built by taking chances, meeting people, asking for what you want, and staying in the game long enough for the doors to open. That's what today is all about. So please help me welcome Dr. Tina Selig to the Mel Robbins Podcast.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

I could not be more delighted. Thank you so much for having me.

[Mel Robbins]

I am thrilled about the topic that we're gonna talk about. I love your research and thank you for taking time out of your schedule to come and share all of this research around luck and how we can use it to improve our lives. And I think that's where I wanna start. So could you talk to me and the person that's here with us right now and just tell us what might change about our lives if we really apply everything you are about to teach us today?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

I couldn't be more delighted to share this information because when people understand that they have more agency in their lives, they realize that they have levers they can use every single day to make themselves luckier.

[Mel Robbins]

When you talk about luck, Dr. Selig, what are you talking about? What does that mean?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

First of all, please call me Tina. The definition of luck is success or failure apparently caused by chance, success or failure?

[Mel Robbins]

Apparently.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Apparently.

[Mel Robbins]

Exactly what is the apparently in there for?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

That's the point. I mean, this is really important, the word apparently. It looks on the surface as though it's chance, but really underneath, there are things that you have done to. To tempt good luck your way.

[Mel Robbins]

Oh, okay. So I wanna make sure that I am tracking and I wanna make sure that as the person who's with us is listening, we got that. Cause I think that there is a little treasure buried beneath that, which is oftentimes the things that we attribute to luck. Are you saying that once we understand everything you're about to teach us, that those things we once just attributed to luck, bad luck, or good luck, we could trace back and say, actually, there was something that I set in motion that I'm not giving myself credit for that made this chance thing happen.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Exactly. And in fact, we often use the word luck to humbly say, oh, I didn't have anything to do with this. But if you actually unpack it, you'll see what actually happened to bring that good luck your way. Or people don't understand the things they did to make themselves luckier. And so what I've been doing is unpacking all the things that are in that apparently to show the things that people actually are doing to make themselves luckier.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay. So you have done all this research, you've written this massive bestselling book, what I Wish I Knew About Luck. And you also have concluded that there is a science to becoming a luckier person. What's the number one thing that drives the lucky breaks that people get?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Well, first of all, you have to realize that there is a physics to luck. All of the world is cause and effect, Right?

[Mel Robbins]

Yes.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Fortune is the things that happen to you. Luck is what you control. And it's very, very important to distinguish between those two things, because people conflate the concept of fortune and luck, and they make a mistake in thinking that everything is just happening to them. Well, of course they. There are some things that are out of your control. How tall you are, where you're born, who your parents are, those are things that are out of your control. That's, you know, you're fortunate or you're unfortunate.

[Mel Robbins]

Right.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

And the world is spinning and things are happening. There might be an earthquake, there might be a war. You might have a.

[Mel Robbins]

There might be systematic racism.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Exactly.

[Mel Robbins]

There might be poverty. Exactly. There might be all kinds of things.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Exactly. A pandemic.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

But you have more control over how you respond to it.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay. So I Want to make sure I understand this, because I would have thought it was the opposite, because when I hear the word lucky, I think things that happen by chance, things that happen out of the blue, things that happen to certain people, that don't happen to me. But when you say there's a big difference between fortune, which to me sounds like the things that you said you don't have control over, but there's a huge group of things that are either positive things of fortune or things that feel unfortunate, that are not your fault. You can't change it. But you want us to focus on creating more luck and making things go our way, which is in our control.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Absolutely.

[Mel Robbins]

That's a completely different version of luck than I thought.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Well, it's really important. It's critically important to distinguish between the things that happen to you and how you respond. I mean, there's this fabulous, very famous quote by Viktor Frankl about the fact that, you know the world is happening to you, and you have this. This time between stimulus and response where you get to decide how to respond. And that's where luck comes in. It comes in by taking the time to think about how you actually engage with the world. We are in a constant dance with the world where we are either leading or we're following. And there are times in which the world is leading. Right. The pandemic happened and our world's all turned upside down. But then you get to decide what you're gonna do with it.

[Mel Robbins]

I've never thought about luck this way. I have always thought about luck as just something that kind of happens to you, or if you're unlucky, that happens to you too. And so really thinking about the fact that, yes, there are lots of things that happen that are unfair, and yes, there are very real problems, and that is true and unfortunate. And we can take the science of creating your own luck, if you will, and use it to respond in a different way.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Exactly. And I am so excited to share the things that people can do to unlock luck in their lives.

[Mel Robbins]

All right, I wanna read to you from your bestselling book, what I Wish I Knew About Luck. This is on page six. Luck requires taking a chance, a calculated risk. It begins the moment you decide to act in the face of uncertainty. Whether it's throwing your hat into the ring for a competitive opportunity, moving to a distant city without a clear plan, or simply introducing yourself to someone new, each action is a leap of faith beyond the familiar. These moments may seem small, but they're pivotal. Creating openings to capture lucky opportunities. What does that mean?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Every decision you make opens the door to something brand new. We are always one decision away from a completely different life. I think about this all the time. You know, some of the closest friends I have made in my life are people who were standing next to me in line, who I started a conversation with, and we found that we had something in common. And then we started working together and then we became best friends. If I had not started that conversation, that entire world would not have existed.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay, let's stop right here, because I love this kind of thing. Okay?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Okay.

[Mel Robbins]

So I was standing in a bar in 19. It wasn't a bar. I was standing at a United way benefit in 1994. I was a brand new legal aid attorney in New York City. And I walked up to the bar and I ordered a bourbon on the rocks to go. I wanted it on a plastic cup. Cause I was gonna bounce from the party. And behind me I heard somebody say, that sounds great. Make it two. I turn around and it was Christopher Robbins, who I will be celebrating my 30th wedding anniversary with this year. Let's unpack that moment in the framework of luck versus fortune.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Do you see what I mean? Exactly. Well, I think it's a great example because a he, you know, he saw you, he was intrigued. He said, I'll take the same. And you started a conversation. Yes. It could have been the end. Think of the number of conversations that went nowhere. Thank you very much. I'll see you later. I'm going home.

[Mel Robbins]

Think about the moments where you see somebody who's interesting but you don't walk across the room.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Exactly. And I have so many examples. Let me tell you one that is. Well, in fact, this book is the result of a conversation I had with someone sitting on an airplane next to me.

[Mel Robbins]

Really?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

I was flying across the country early, early morning flight. Could have just shut my eyes and gone to sleep. The man sitting next to me was a publisher. And I started chat with him. We talked for a good long time. And at some point I pulled out a book proposal. I took a little risk and I said, guess what? I've got a book proposal right here on my computer. And he was kind enough to look at it and you know, he said, this is very nice, Tina, but not really for us. Said, okay, no problem. But guess what? At the end of the flight, we exchanged contact information and he sent me a text as I was walking off the plane. I stayed in touch. I was teaching a class, my creativity class at Stanford. And I thought, you know, Gee, I'm doing a project this quarter. What should it be on? Maybe I'll do it on the future of publishing. So I called him up again, and I said, hey, guess when I'm doing a project on the future of publishing, would you come to class? He said, sure. So he came. He met my students. We had a great, great opportunity for everyone. I followed up again with some videos of some projects my students had worked on. Some were as part of a global innovation tournament. They were pretty cool. He said, wow, there is a book in here for the students. And he wanted to meet the students who had worked on this project. I said, okay, that sounds pretty cool. And I set up a lunch. And at the end of the lunch, which he had brought one of his editors to, his editor turned to me and said, hey, would you ever consider writing a book? And I gave him the exact same proposal I had given his boss. I don't know. It was either one, two years earlier. But I kept that relationship going. That was the point. There were all these little choices I made that ended up leading to the publication of what I Wish I Knew when I was 20, starting with the conversation with the man sitting next to me on the plate.

[Mel Robbins]

So do you want us to think about luck really, more as something you create through the actions you take?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Exactly.

[Mel Robbins]

Versus something that just happens to some people? Versus others.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Exactly. But here is the important thing, Mal.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Luck is ubiquitous.

[Mel Robbins]

What does that mean?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Opportunities are ubiquitous. Opportunities are like the wind, but you need a sail to catch it. And what I am passionate about is teaching people how to catch the winds of luck.

[Mel Robbins]

So I would love to have you, Dr. Selig, just speak to the reality for some people that opportunities don't feel ubiquitous, and they historically haven't been ubiquitous. And if, let's say, you're being discriminated against or you are in a situation where something, through no fault of your own, you're being sexually harassed at work, or you've got. There's very serious problems that people are facing. Right. And so they might hear this research, which I think could be very helpful in how you respond to things that are very real. How do you want somebody to think about the opportunities that are out there? Even if you've had a lifetime of feeling like the door is always closed in your face because of the color of your skin or because you're a woman and you haven't been paid what you're. You know what I mean? Like, I. Cause I don't.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Of course. Of course. And honestly, life is not Fair. I mean, people are born into very terrible circumstances. There are people who have medical problems. There are people who have dysfunctional families. But we have choices we make. I've been doing work for the last. I don't know, 10 years working with a group at San Quentin State Prison called the Last Mile. It's an amazing program where they teach innovation and entrepreneurship and coding to men and women who are incarcerated. Now, these are folks who have had very, very difficult lives, often starting with very unfortunate circumstances. And the people who were in this program are given a chance to learn these skills and to develop the mindset needed to be successful when they are released from prison. And it's remarkable to see how people can change. People can change their attitude and their actions to unlock possibilities that they didn't see before.

[Mel Robbins]

I think that's so important to understand. And I can tell based on the passion and the just intensity of what you're like, no, this is real. And it doesn't mean that there won't be challenges that you face in life. Those are very real. But you have a choice in whether you just throw in the towel and say, this is just how things are, or you lean in and say, okay, how I respond to this and how I think about creating my own luck. And as you said, that there's opportunities everywhere, but you've gotta open the sail to catch them. Can you unpack that analogy of catching the winds of luck?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Great. Can I show you a graphic?

[Mel Robbins]

Please. Okay, so I wanna describe this for the person who is listening so you don't miss a thing. Dr. Selig is holding up a painting, and there's a hot air balloon. There is a sailboat. There is a windmill, and there is a church. So sitting on the shore. And the sailboat's sailing on the ocean and the hot air balloons over the ocean. But on the shore is the windmill and the church.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Yeah. To me, it actually looks like a house with a. It's a house with a wind vane on the top.

[Mel Robbins]

Oh, is that what that is?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

That is a wind vane on the top of the house? Yeah. Yeah. But it could look like that at a distance. The idea is that the winds of luck are ubiquitous. They are always blowing. And there are different ways in which we engage with them. Some people stay inside the house, and they shut the shutters, and they don't even pay attention. They don't even see them. They might open the shutters and see them, but they. You know, they might not even do anything. Okay, I'm just gonna turn the other Way. Now, there are some people who are like a wind vane. They're at the top of the house. They're noticing the opportunities. They're swiveling on their access, but they're not doing anything with it. They're just looking. Oh, there's an opportunity there and there and there. They're not doing anything.

[Mel Robbins]

Oh, my gosh. This is. If you're the kind of person that has been thinking forever about applying for that job or using social media to market yourself, or you're the kind of person that has been thinking about going back to school or thinking about getting an online dating profile. You are the weathervane, spinning around in the wind, doing nothing.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Exactly.

[Mel Robbins]

Going nowhere.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Exactly. Or you could be a hot air balloon now. Hot air balloon. You know, the Windsor luck are taking you where they may. You don't really have much control. But you know what? There are times in our life when it's reasonable to be a hot air balloon, to be a leaf in the wind and say, you know, I'm just gonna see where my interests take me. Yep. So that's a reasonable thing to do. But then once you start seeing an opportunity where you go, wow, there's something here there, you can become a windmill. And a windmill is where you are really capturing the winds of luck in that local area, and you are harnessing all of your life.

[Mel Robbins]

So give me an example of that.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Okay. You get a job somewhere.

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[Dr. Tina Seelig]

And you go, okay, I am going to be the best I can in this job.

[Mel Robbins]

Got it.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

I am going to. I am going to see what I can make of this. And I. In fact, one of the things I tell my students is you don't get a job. You get the keys to the building. You go, okay, I'm going to see what this. Where this takes me. Oh, I love that.

[Mel Robbins]

Hold on a second. I want to make sure that you really got what Dr. Selig just told you, because this is something that. I am sending this to all three of our adult children right now. You do not get a job. You get the keys to the building.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

You bet.

[Mel Robbins]

And you create your own luck in that job, even if you hate the job by showing up to that job every day and doing the things you're about to tell us to do and bringing a certain type of energy and a certain level of excellence and a certain attitude in order to capture the opportunity that is swirling around that office that you're dragging yourself into.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Exactly. Exactly.

[Mel Robbins]

So you can choose the bad attitude, or you can choose to have a different attitude. But what you're here to say is, trust my research. There is opportunity everywhere for the taking if you wake up and recognize it.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Right. And you can take it further, though.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

You can become a sailboat.

[Mel Robbins]

And how do I do that?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

The sailboat is looking for the luck. It's out there searching for the winds of luck. Right. You can be capturing the luck like a windmill, where they are locally, or you can be a sailboat where you're out there with a goal, a specific goal in mind, and you're saying, how do I get to those wins to get me to that destination.

[Mel Robbins]

Got it.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

So let me put this down because it's kind of big, and I want to talk to you about how to become a sailboat.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

I want to talk to you about that. Because if you want to be a sailboat to capture the winds of luck, there are three things you need to do. First, you need to build that sailboat. The next is you need to recruit your crew. And third, you need to hoist the sail.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

And this is very important to separate these three things. You build your sailboat. That's all the internal work. You know, it's funny, whenever I tell people I'm writing a book about luck or I'm doing work on luck, they go, oh, yes, yes. Fortune favors the prepared mind. Well, I love that quote, you know, Louis Pasteur, great quote about fortune favoring the prepared mind. But what that is, the prepared mind, I don't know. That sailboat is your prepared mind, okay? That is all the internal work that you need to do to be ready to ultimately catch the winds of luck.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay? So let's stop right with building the sailboat, okay? Because I know as you're listening and watching right now, you're like, all right, I'm with you, Dr. Selig. But how do I build a sailboat? What does that actually mean? How am I doing the internal work to turn this brain of mine that's told me my entire life? Oh, things like that don't happen to a person like me. Oh, I'll never get out of this debt. I'm not gonna be this way. I'm not smarter. I'm not.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

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[Mel Robbins]

Cause I can tell you right now that doesn't sound like you're building a sailboat. So what are the specific things that we need to do or know or change in order to take advantage of step one, which is you gotta build that sailboat in yourself.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Exactly. And it's very, very important.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

One is you need to know what your Core values are.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

If you do not have those core values, which are like the keel under your boat that keeps you steady, you are gonna be manipulated by people who ask you to do things that are not ethical, they're not legal. I mean, this is how people get caught when they don't have their core values. And, in fact, I can tell you a story about what happened to me when I was young and I didn't know how to do this. I had taken my first job right out of graduate school, and it was a company. It was a med tech company. And I was so eager. I just wanted to do everything right. And the president of the company asked me to go and to a conference. And it was a conference actually being hosted by a competing company. And he asked me to go not as a member of the team of this company, but as Dr. Selig from Stanford. And he was my boss. Why should I question him? I had never thought about whether this would be ethical or not. So I said, sure, of course I'll go. So I got on a plane. I went to Chicago. I registered Dr. Selig from Stanford went to the conference. And as the conference started, it was a relatively small conference. At the end of every session, I raised my hand and asked all sorts of probing questions because I knew a lot about this technology, because I was working at a competing company. And they started getting suspicious, and they called up my company and they said, is Tina Selig there? And of course, the receptionist said, yes. No, no, no, she's not here. She's at a conference in Chicago. And so I was getting into the elevator to go up to my room, and two people followed me in. The door shut, and one of them turned and hit the stop button.

[Mel Robbins]

Are you. What did you think was happening?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

I had no idea. I turned around, and they looked at me. They backed me in the corner, and they said, are you a spy? I mean, I burst into tears, honestly. I was like, oh, my gosh. But they. You know, they said, we called your company. They were very funny. They said, we understand you're the VP of marketing the company. Which was sort of a joke since I was, like, an intern. But they escorted me out very quickly. And I sat on the sidewalk thinking what happened. And I realized it was because I hadn't even taken a minute to think about my values and to think about. And I was very unlucky, wasn't I? Because I should have said to my boss, of course, I can't do that. I can't misrepresent myself. And so one of the first things you need to do is really think about what your core values are.

[Mel Robbins]

How do you figure that out? Is there, like, a simple way to really think about what your core values are? Because I can think about moments in my life, for example, a period of my life where when we were struggling financially as a young married couple with kids, my core value was safety and security. And so I said yes to lots of stuff I wouldn't do right now because I wanted to pay the bills, and it was aligned with my values then. My values now have shifted because I still value security and safety, but it's not on fire right now. And so I have different values. But I think it's one of those things where it's not something that people stop and think about. So how would you recommend if the person's listening right now? Because I think we all want to be luckier, and we certainly want to open up the winds and capture as much opportunity as we can. But how do you figure out what you actually value?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

So there are a lot of ways to do it, and a lot has to do with taking the time to actually think about it in advance. Think about what your values are. Are you going to misrepresent yourself? There's a slippery slope. Once you make one decision to do something that's not ethical, it's much easier to make the second decision right. Once you've done the first one, that door is open, and you have to think about who you want to be in the world. You also can put together a personal board of advisors. This is a really helpful tool. Who are you going to go to when you're asked to do something where you have a kind of a spider sense where you go, you know what? This doesn't smell right. Who do I go to to get some feedback? And it's also really helpful to have the ability to walk away, to have. Now, it's really difficult when you're in a situation where you're feeling financially really vulnerable, and you go like, I don't know what to do. But oftentimes there's a case we used to use with our students many years ago about somebody who had taken on a lot of financial debt, you know, bought an expensive house, moved to a new city, did all sorts of things that were expensive. And then when the company he was working for started doing things that were illegal, he couldn't leave because he couldn't afford to give up the job. So think about not putting yourself in a position where you're so tied to an organization or to some situation where you can't walk away if you're asked to do something that you find is unethical.

[Mel Robbins]

Well, I can give another example, and let's see if this one checks out. Dr. Selig, with the. With the research you've done, I was talking to a friend over the weekend who's in a relationship, and this person knows that they don't wanna be engaged to the person that asked them to be married. And she was going on and on and on about it because it's a very difficult decision. And she said, well, the problem is, you know, I just really am a peacekeeper. And I said, hold on a second. That's what you were in your first marriage, which is why you were miserable. You kept the peace, and you never told the truth. You, in this chapter, have made it very clear that what you value more than anything is being a truth teller. And I would imagine that if you don't understand what your core value is in terms of why you wanna be even in, like, a romantic relationship. I wanna be with somebody where I can be fully myself versus constantly suppressing what I feel and what I need in order to make somebody else happy, you will never, ever, ever build this internal sailboat. And the winds of chance are gonna steer you to all kinds of relationships because you don't realize you actually value that rather than just companionship. Does that make sense?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Exactly. Exactly. And that's just one piece of the puzzle, is your core values you need to know. Which is sort of tied in to what you just said. The story you tell about who you are in the world. Right. We each of who we are. And that story's always shifting depending upon who we're with and how we feel about ourselves and the ability to own that story.

[Mel Robbins]

Dr. Selig, I just have to pause for a second because this is one of those moments for people aren't just listening. They're recognizing themselves. You're not talking about luck in some abstract way. You're describing the habits, the waiting, the invisible rules that so many of us are living under without even realizing it. And I know what's happening right now. You're sitting there thinking, wait a minute. Is this why I feel stuck? Is this why nothing seems to move? Even though I'm capable? If that's you, I want you to really just sit with what Dr. Selig is teaching us right now. And honestly, if someone that you love keeps saying they just feel unlucky or they're behind or they're frozen or they just keep coming up in your mind as you're listening to all this. This is one of those episodes that you just sent no explanation. The title speaks for itself and I promise you, I promise you, if you have not been able to get through to them, I guarantee you Dr. Selig will. And don't go anywhere because we're going to take a quick break, let our incredible sponsor shine, and when we come back, Dr. Selig is going to show you how to stop waiting and start changing your odds in life. Don't go anywhere. Stay with me.

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[Mel Robbins]

It's your friend Mel Robbins. And today, you and I are getting to learn from Stanford professor, neuroscientist and innovation expert, Dr. Tina Selig. We're talking all about how to get lucky according to science. All right, Dr. Selig, let's keep going. The next question I have is this. If your story is really awful, I'm not smart. I'm not good enough. Nothing ever works out for me. How do you start building this sailboat?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Great. So you need to understand that you can do little experiments every day.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

You need to be willing to take some risks to get out of your comfort zone and to try something different. Okay, now let me ask you now.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

And please call me Tina.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay, Tina. Sorry. I keep calling you Dr. Selig.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Sorry. It's okay. Are you a risk taker?

[Mel Robbins]

Absolutely. Okay.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Most people answer yes or no, but risk is much more nuanced. They're all different types of risks.

[Mel Robbins]

I said depends.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

I know, but you said, see, you're so smart. Okay, it depends.

[Mel Robbins]

I'm like, yes, I take a risk. No, I always take a calculated risk.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Exactly. But think about the different types of risks.

[Mel Robbins]

Air balloon just going. Throwing caution to the wind.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Exactly. But think about the different types of risk. Let me show you something.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

This is the riskometer that we use in our classes where students map their risk profile.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay. Now, I want to just explain for the person who's listening right now, because this. We're going to walk you through this. And as Tina walks us through each of the six different types of risk that you're going to be faced with in life, I want you to think whether you have a high or low tolerance because you're ranking it 0 to 10. And all she has is a circle, and there are six different points on it. And she's gonna walk us through it right now. And as Tina walks through each of the six types of risks, I want you to be answering this for yourself, because I think this is a really interesting way to get into values.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Exactly. Exactly. And to figure out what type of risks you're comfortable taking and where you wanna stretch.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay, great. So let's go through each one.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Right. So this is called a spider chart. It looks like a spider. Spider web.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes, it does.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Where the center is 0 and the outside is 10. So you map yourself on it. So let's try.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Try.

[Mel Robbins]

Do this together.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Okay. So I think you and I are actually pretty similar.

[Mel Robbins]

Are we?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Okay. Yes. So physical risk. You are. Where would you be on a scale of one to ten?

[Mel Robbins]

Oh, gosh, I'm probably like a six.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Oh, really? Okay, great.

[Mel Robbins]

And I want you to. And I want you to be thinking as you're listening or watching. Okay, where am I? 0 to 10 on physical. Are you a big risk taker like my husband and my son? You know, I'm just like, can we please bring it down from like a nine to a five?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Exactly, Exactly. My son was a very competitive cyclist, and every time he would go out on his bike, I would just hold my breath till he died.

[Mel Robbins]

My husband's a cyclist too. I'm like, can you not listen to music as you're like, cycling down the road at 40 miles an hour? At least he wears a helmet.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Okay, so let's talk about emotional risk. Telling someone how you feel.

[Mel Robbins]

Oh, I'm a 10. I'll take any. Cause it doesn't feel risky to me to. To share how I'm feeling.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Great.

[Mel Robbins]

How about you?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

I'm very high. I mean, I'm happy to tell you that I love you.

[Mel Robbins]

Oh, I love you too. And I love you. As you're listening and watching for somebody, though, that is like lower on the emotional risk, what might that feel like in your life that you would be scared of?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

It feels vulnerable to tell someone how you feel, you know, that maybe you feel anxious or maybe you feel scared or maybe you feel, you know, maybe you really like someone and you're afraid to tell them.

[Mel Robbins]

Got it.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Right.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

And so someone who is more. Has a high risk profile. There is like, I'm going to tell you.

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

I always feel that you tell people things and you get data, right?

[Mel Robbins]

Yes.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

You get some data back. Social risk.

[Mel Robbins]

Now talk to me about social risks. What falls in the category of social risk?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Being willing to get up and give a toast at a wedding. Giving a talk.

[Mel Robbins]

Talking in a meeting at work.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Exactly. Being out in front of the world. You know, being out there and it's not emotional, but you're, you're, you're gonna get out there and do something very public.

[Mel Robbins]

I'll tell you. So the sort of things where I am giving a toast or I'm talking in a meeting or. Certainly because I've developed the skill of giving speeches in arenas, I have zero fear about it. So I would put myself at a 10. However. However, when I. When this show was nominated for a Golden Globe, I had never walked a red carpet. I am not at all comfortable putting myself out there in terms of a beautiful dress. And look at me. And I would say I was about a 2.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

So isn't that interesting? I think this is fascinating, Mel.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Because you had never done it before.

[Mel Robbins]

No.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

But if you had done it two, three, four times, it would have been natural.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

It would have been easy. You're happy to make social risks because you've been doing it so much. And this is super important. Right. If you start out saying, oh, my gosh, this is uncomfortable for me, you can stretch. You started as a two, but the next time you do it, you'll be a four, and then you'll be a six.

[Mel Robbins]

So now you're going to be an eight dress. I'm going to borrow it next time. It turns out a lot of people borrow from designers, but I was the idiot who bought it. Yes.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Okay. For the next time, you'll be ready. So, okay, let's talk about financial risk.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay. So this is one where I would be a zero. I don't wanna take any risk financially because earlier in my life, the first 40 years, I took all kinds of risks. I was stupid with my money, racking up the credit cards, maxing out the home equity line, living in some sort of fantasy like somehow I'm just gonna get lucky. And even though I'm making all these dumbass decisions, this is gonna somehow, like, now that I've experienced the pain of driving myself, now. You know what's interesting about this, too. I can look backwards and see how my decisions created a situation where I was very unlucky.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Yes, but it was your behavior. It was the choices you made.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes. There were, like, not everything. There are some things that swing that are not. That are unfortunate. But my decisions certainly put me within striking distance of having a major catastrophe. And that's what happened.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Exactly. So I have to say, I have to assume you take some financial risk because your business, you have to be like, we are.

[Mel Robbins]

I don't want to. I don't ever want to be in a situation where I have scaled a business too quickly that I then have to lay people off. Like, there are 50 people and their families that depend on the decisions that my business partner and I make. And so I think we're both very, very, like, risk adverse when we think about the implications of what we say yes and no to.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Right, okay. Fabulous. Well, this is. Now, it's interesting because you might think that some people, like venture capitalists, have a really high financial risk profile, but they're always trying to Squeeze all the risk out. Right. Just like the person who's jumping out of the airplane, they're gonna make sure the parachute is. Is packed properly.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

So, you know, it's really, It's. It's very interesting that the more prepared you are, it doesn't feel like a big risk. Right. You have this company with 50 people who depend on you. You feel like it's a low financial risk. Someone on the outside will go, wow, that's risky. But you've squeezed all the risk out.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

By testing and doing lots and lots of experiments.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

And scaling really slowly so that it doesn't feel like it's a financial risk.

[Mel Robbins]

Great. The next one's intellectual.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Intellectual, like, yeah, you're gonna go try something new. Stretch. Think about things you haven't thought about before. Solve a problem that's intractable.

[Mel Robbins]

I don't even consider. I'm so intellectually curious. It's a 10. Let me ask you about intellectual risk. What are some everyday examples of what intellectual risk looks like in your life?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

It's usually problem solving. You've got a problem that is in front of you and you're will to tackle. It's like, okay, I can figure this out. I'm a huge believer that every problem is an opportunity. The bigger the problem, the bigger the opportunity. And that's a real entrepreneurial mindset.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

And you can foster that. You can really develop the ability to take on more intellectual risks.

[Mel Robbins]

So taking a risk means instead of feeling like life is running you over or there are no opportunities or nothing's going to ever work out, it would be an intellectual risk to say, well, maybe there's something I can do here.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Well, let me give you a story. I was asked to teach one week about entrepreneurship in the new design school at Stanford. And I was like, what can I do in one week? So I had 14 teams, and I gave them each an envelope with $5 in it. And I said, you can brainstorm as long as you want, but as soon as you open this envelope, you have two hours to make as much money as possible. What are you gonna do? And this was. I basically gave them essentially nothing. Right. A few dollars. And they needed to figure out what value they could create. Okay, now, there were the people I knew you could do something. I could have a lemonade stand or a car wash or do something small. And there were the groups that did that. Then there were the groups who said, hey, you know what? That $5 is a red herring. I don't need the $5. I've got all sorts of skills. And they set up a stand to pump bike tires in the middle of campus. And they made $200, you know, because. And halfway through, they said, hey, let's not charge people. Let's just ask for donations. And people paid them more. Or they made reservations at restaurants in Palo Alto, and as you know, with long lines, and as the reservation came up, they sold the reservations. Oh.

[Mel Robbins]

To people waiting in line.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

People in line. Yeah. So, but then there were the people who said, you know what? The $5, the two hours was a red herring. The $5 was a red herring. Maybe my three minute presentation class is where the value is. And they sold it for $650.

[Mel Robbins]

What do you mean?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

To a company who wanted to recruit the students in the class.

[Mel Robbins]

Oh, my gosh. So they took their slot where they were going to present their findings, and they called a company and said, do you want to come and pitch a Stanford design class?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Exactly. And the reason I call this an intellectual risk is they had to, like, be creative, Right? They had to come up with creative solutions. What do I do when I have nothing? And this is also tied to luck, because guess what? Opportunities are everywhere. Most people think, oh, I don't have any money. But these students created all this value with nothing, looking around and seeing the problems that were around them and figuring out how they could come up with solutions.

[Mel Robbins]

That's so cool. I have so many more questions, but I want to take a quick break. First of all, because I want to give our sponsors a chance to shine. But secondly, I want to give you a chance to text this episode or email this episode to the people in your life who need this framework. They need to know how to create their own luck. I'm learning so much. I have so many people I'm going to share this with, and I want you to do that, too. So take a moment to share and don't go anywhere, because when we return, there's so much more we're going to dig into with Dr. Tina Seeling. Stay with us. It can be easy to forget how

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[Mel Robbins]

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[Mel Robbins]

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[Mel Robbins]

Welcome back, it's your friend Mel Robbins. And today you and I are learning how to become luckier in life and create our own luck according to Science with Stanford's Dr. Tina Selig. So Dr. Selig, the next thing I wanted to talk about was this. Why does taking risks, whether it's a small financial risk or it's a small social risk, or it's a small physical risk, small intellectual risk to put yourself out there. Why does that create luck?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Oftentimes it's because you get yourself out of your comfort zone. There's such a great examples. Let me tell you a story that sort of encapsulates a number of these principles. There was a young man who reached out to me a few months ago, maybe, actually, maybe it's about a year ago, this young man, his name is Oliver. And he reached out to me after he watched my TED talk on luck. And he said, you know what? I really resonate with all of this and I want to become a luck coach.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

I said, a luck coach. That sounds like a great idea. And he said, could I just have five minutes of your time? I just want to talk to you. And I said, I would be delighted. So I set up a time to talk to him and we had a really nice chat.

[Mel Robbins]

And by the way, you could either look at that one moment and say, well, he was really lucky that you said yes, he was really lucky that it was you and not some curmudgeon professor. But I think your point is, if he hadn't taken the risk to ask for the meeting, it never would have happened, of course. And so he's creating the luck just to kind of get you to understand. Because most people think, oh, I should reach out to Tina. And then you go, but she's so busy and she's not gonna have time. And I don't wanna be a burden. And what do I actually say with the email and da, da da, da, da, da da. So you talk yourself out of doing the thing that could actually create the luck that you want.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Exactly. And it could have been that I didn't respond.

[Mel Robbins]

Right.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Because there are so many examples where you have to send a letter to 500 people before you end up getting a couple people who respond to you.

[Mel Robbins]

Of course.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

But here's the thing. I did respond. I was intrigued. I had just started working on this book and I said, oh, that's interesting a lot. Coach, let me find out what he's doing. And he told me. And I spent literally 5, 10 minutes on the phone with him. And this is important. He asked for a five minute favor, a very small thing that was gonna be an easy thing. He made it himself easy to help just five minutes of your time. So afterwards, what did he do? He sent me a thank you note. Now, do you know how many people do not send thank you notes? It is the most amazing thing when Someone does something for you, it is a huge missed opportunity if you do not send a thank you note. So he did the right thing. He sent a thank you note. But he didn't stop there. He sent me a long list. He sent me a document with all these ways he could help me. Said, I understand, you know, you're writing a book on luck. Here are different ways I can help you. I was so intrigued. Now, nothing that he listed was exactly what I wanted. But I thought, oh, this guy, he really took the initiative here and I hired him as a research assistant for the book. Now I had never ever used a research assistant for any of my books ever. So this was. But I thought, you know, I think he might be able to help me. So I hired him as a research assistant. Over the next months, I got to know him in our calls. There's a whole chapter in the book about him. Now, this all started with him asking for a five minute favor.

[Mel Robbins]

I love the thank you note example. You know what I love about the way you're teaching us? This is the risk assessment that you do on yourself reveals the things that you value and how your actions are probably holding you back. And that's a core part of really building the sailboat of who you are. And the second part was the crew. So how do you build the crew?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Exactly, exactly. So asking for what you want, but also helping other people. The more you help other people, it comes back in wave upon wave upon wave. It's really important to understand that the more you give to other people, the more comes back to you. And I can tell you so many examples because when I talk to people about what makes them lucky, you start realizing that one of their key characteristics is their generosity, their generosity to others. You know, how can I help you? How can I help you? Seeing someone as a problem and helping them, it comes back. Oftentimes when you help somebody in a little way, it was so meaningful, you might even forgotten you did it. The resulting feedback you get, the resulting impact is so much more.

[Mel Robbins]

Why does helping other people make you luckier?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Because so few people do it. So many people are just, you know, thinking about themselves. I have a great example of a fellow named Nir Eyal, who when he was younger, he was selling solar panels and he was going door to door to door, door to door to door, selling solar panels. And there were so many people who didn't really want solar panels. And they go, but I do want to save energy. I'd really, I'm looking for a heat pump. Well, he noticed that someone else in the neighborhood was putting in heat pumps. He didn't know this guy at all, but he said, you know, I saw this other guy is putting in heat pumps, doing a really good job, and started recommending him. Well, this guy found out, said, wow, you're recommending me? I don't even know who you are. He said, well, I saw you were doing a good job on heat pumps, and guess what? This guy started recommending him for solar panels, and his business boomed, and it came from just being generous in recommending someone else.

[Mel Robbins]

Do you have another example, Tina, of something that I could do today that would also help me experience this?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

There's so many things you can do to show appreciation to others. One of the biggest gifts you can give someone is. Is to introduce them to someone else. And the warmer and the more positive the introduction, the more powerful it is as a gift. It's one of the things that we so often miss that opportunity. But when you introduce someone to someone else in a really warm and wonderful way, you've not only created a great opportunity for them, but I can promise you, it comes back to in many ways, because people are so incredibly grateful to have had that generous introduction.

[Mel Robbins]

You know, another thing that I just thought of, and you'll have to tell me if this is an example, is if I'm standing in a line or if I'm ordering coffee at a coffee shop. I always compliment something that the person's wearing or their nails or their haircut or their smile, and it always opens up both. This, like, positive energy exchange.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

I agree with you totally. In fact, I think it's one of the things. Best things you can do is like, say, I love that color on you, or, you know, or, wow, you know, your hair cut. Did you. Did you get a cut? And honestly.

[Mel Robbins]

Well, I mean, like strangers, I'm like, I love your nails, or you have the best smile and people just light up.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

I agree with you, but it should be authentic. It's not as. It's not that you're doing it to be manipulative. No, it's like, really, you do love their nails, of course. Or their haircut or the purple sweater. Yes, yes.

[Mel Robbins]

I also experience something coming alive and the energy shifting with a stranger while I'm standing in line. And I feel that just that simple thing. Try it today. If you're standing in a line, see something authentically about the person in front of you or behind you and give them a compliment. And if you make this a habit, you'll start to have the doors of luck open up for you. Before I had a podcast and I was depressed in a new town and I had no friends, I forced myself to stir the pot. Cause I realized after six months of sitting alone as a 53 year old woman with no friends in the middle of nowhere. Cause we've just moved after living somewhere for 26 years, feeling sorry for myself. Funny that didn't make friends fall out of the sky. But I still like licked my wounds and felt sorry for myself. And I'm so unlucky. Cause now I've moved and I don't have friends and money. I started changing my luck by forcing myself to get out of the house and going to a coffee shop. Complimenting the person making the coffee, making myself remember their name, going back the next day, saying their name, complimenting something else, making small talk, one move, day after day after day. And slowly I made my own luck. I met friends, I built a community. I now walk into that coffee shop, I probably get more free croissants than anybody else because, not that I'm lucky, I created the opportunity for what I actually wanted, which was community and friendship. What is the third thing that we need to do to catch the winds of luck?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Great. So the first was building your ship, right? This is all the internal stuff. And the internal things like your vessel values, the story you tell about yourself, your risk profile, your goals. Then the second part is recruiting your crew. Right. I like to say luck seldom sails solo. Right. Luck is usually comes as a result of your engagement with other people. And so this is asking for what you want, helping others, showing appreciation, all sorts of things that allow you to build your team. The third is based on the quote that we hear all the time. The harder I work, the luckier I get. Have you ever heard that?

[Mel Robbins]

Of course, of course it's true.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Okay, but, but, but there's a missing part there. Just as fortune favors prepared mind, you need to know what a prepared mind is. The harder I work, the luckier I get. You need to know what that hard worker is.

[Mel Robbins]

That's true.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Okay, you need to know what it is. It's easy to say that. I have had a debate for decades with my father about this.

[Mel Robbins]

Actually, I agree because I've worked very hard spinning in place. So I'm excited for you to unpack that there's a certain type of hard work.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

There's so much, there's so much you can do, and so much has to do with taking some risks, stirring the pot, you know, introducing yourself to the person standing next to you in line for. For coffee stretching beyond your comfort zone.

[Mel Robbins]

One of the other ones that I loved is that you need to, quote, capture luck, that luck favors those who ask questions. Why does asking questions increase your chance for luck?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Great.

[Mel Robbins]

This is chapter 14 of your book.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

One of the biggest tools we have for capturing luck is being curious. And, boy, you are so curious. Right? And it really leads to a lot of luck because you ask lots of questions. And the more questions you ask, the more curious you are, the more you learn. I always like to tell my students that before something's your passion, it's something you know nothing about. And this is really important. People want to sit around and say, oh, I need to find my passions. Well, what a crazy thing. Go out and do things, Be curious. Try lots of things. Keep what works. The more curious you can be, the more questions you can ask, and the better listener you are, the better you, you know, the more you meet people and listen and learn from them, you are gonna walk away with things that you never knew before and opportunities that will present themselves that you never even imagined.

[Mel Robbins]

Well, I love that we keep coming back to this framework that's reminding me, and I'm sure it's reminding you as you're listening or watching, that this research and this framework that you're teaching us about luck and becoming a luckier person is really about intentionally making decisions to put yourself in a position to have the things that you want. Because I think common sense tells you if you want to meet the love of your life, you're probably not going to do it sitting alone on your couch, binge watching television.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Exactly.

[Mel Robbins]

And yet when. And then you can sit there and just, well, I'm just really unlucky in love, and I've just met the wrong people and na, na, na, na, na. That may be true about your past, but that doesn't have to be true about your future. And there are specific things that you're teaching us to do that can make you one of the lucky ones to meet that person at the bar in your pajamas. But it's going to require something of you.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Exactly. We each have more agency than we may think, and there are so many levers at our disposal. You know, there are like 20 different things you can do every single day. Whether it's, you know, asking for what you want, helping others, showing appreciation, taking some risks, learning to be more resilient, on and on and on. Right. Resolving conflicts. But there's something very, very important to keep in mind. Luck is A long game. Luck is like investing money. You start out putting little deposits, and it compounds over time. You need to trust the process that the more deposits you make by doing these things, that increase the possibility of good things happening. That they do. But I see people all the time walk right by opportunities. This is why I wrote this book, is because I see so many people. It's like they're gold coins sitting there, and I see them walk by it. You have to have a mindset that there's a prize in every room. It's up to you to find it.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

And with that mindset, you find it. It's like the $5 project, right? You know, oh. Not everybody is sitting there saying, I should set up a bike tire pressure monitor in the middle of campus. But once you were given the challenge, create some value. People did.

[Mel Robbins]

You know, of all the tools that you're sharing, which you know as you're listening, and you're probably just like me, as you're listening to Tina, Dr. Selig Talk, you're probably like, okay, I could do. I could take a risk. I could see. I get it. I see how, like, sitting back, staying silent, hoping somebody finds me, not asking for what I want, not stirring the pot, not getting out of my house. I can see how I need to shift things. But if you're listening and you're feeling skeptical, maybe you're feeling a little beaten up by life, what do you want the person to know about how this truly makes a difference over time? Yes.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

It is critically important to realize that the choices you make today determine the choices you are going to have in the future.

[Mel Robbins]

You know, if somebody feels really unlucky right now, what's the first thing they should do this week?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

I would say if you were gonna pick one thing.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Do something to stir the soup. Do something to add something new to your life. Remember, we are all one decision away from a completely different life. Apply for the job. Introduce yourself to the person in line. Do something to stir the soup, to open the door to something new.

[Mel Robbins]

Dr. Tina Selig, what are your parting words?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

I wish everyone the very, very best of luck. And I know. I know that the choices you make today are going to be reflected over and over again in waves and waves of good luck into the future.

[Mel Robbins]

Thank you so much for being here. I love you. I appreciate you. I'm so grateful you're doing all this research for all of us. And there's no doubt in my mind that if you apply this, you will be luckier.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Thank you. So much.

[Mel Robbins]

Well, thank you. And I also want to thank you, and I want to point something out. And I bet that Tina is going to say, mel, that's right. The fact that you hit play on this episode, especially if somebody shared this episode with you, the fact that you stirred the pot in your own life, you took a risk and hit play, and you spent time watching or listening all the way to the end, is an example of what you are talking about, Tina. That you took an action aligned with something that you want, which is you do wanna be luckier in life. You do want life to break in your direction. You do want to open up the sail and capture the winds of opportunity. And I'm grateful that you spent the time listening and watching something that is really gonna help you do that. And in case no one else tells you today, I wanted to be sure to tell you, as your friend, that I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And if you follow the formula that Dr. Selig shared with us today, there is no doubt in my mind that you will create a better life, because you're gonna be a lot luckier, because you will have created it. All right, I will see you in the very next episode. I'll welcome you in the moment you hit play.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Stop anytime. I mean, if I have hair in my face or need lipstick or.

[Mel Robbins]

Oh, yeah, I'll watch you. Oh, my God, I'm so excited for this.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

You are so great. You know what? How do you keep your level of enthusiasm for all of your guests? Because it is. It's amazing. Just the incredible, as I said, generosity you have towards everyone.

[Mel Robbins]

Well, I'm super intellectually curious, as is everybody who works here. Second, we are very, very aware of the good that it's doing and the impact that it's making. The director. Oh, my God. How do I say that word?

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Okay.

[Mel Robbins]

The director, emerita of the Stanford Technology Venture Program and executive director of Knight Hensley. Hensley. Hence, I cannot say. I'm sorry, I'm terrible at pronunciation. Knight Hennessy. Okay, good.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Okay, great.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Good story.

[Mel Robbins]

All right. Fantastic.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

Anything else?

[Mel Robbins]

No. You did dynamite. You did dynamite.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know, what the lawyers write and

[Mel Robbins]

what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician,

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional.

[Mel Robbins]

Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.

[Dr. Tina Seelig]

SiriusXM podcast. With Vrbo's last minute deals, you can save over $50 on your spring getaway. So whether it's a Mountain Escape City break or a week at the beach, there's still time to get great discounts. Book your next day now. Average savings $72 select homes only not

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