← The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Mel Robbins Podcast
This Life-Changing Conversation Will Help You Make Peace With Who You Are
01:14:01
If you’ve ever felt lost, this unforgettable conversation will help you come home to yourself. This episode will change how you think about your past, your purpose, and what’s possible for your future. Because if you’ve been carrying pain, guilt, or questions you can’t quite name, this is the conversation that helps you finally let go of all that. Today, Mel sits down with singer-songwriter Mon Rovîa, whose breathtaking journey from war-torn Liberia, where he narrowly escaped becoming a child soldier, to the global stage will stop you in your tracks. But this isn’t just about his story—it’s about what his story will awaken in you. Adopted and raised in the U.S., Mon spent years trying to outrun his trauma. What followed was guilt, despair and a deep feeling of not belonging anywhere. Until he realized he had a choice: He could stay stuck in suffering or turn his pain into power. His answer came through music, and what he’s created is reaching millions around the wor...
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- [00:00]
Mel Robbins
Hey, it's your friend Mel. And welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am so glad you're here, because you're about to meet someone unlike any other guest who has ever been on the Mel Robbins Podcast. Now, I first discovered him on Instagram a couple years ago. He was standing there playing the ukulele, totally relaxed, smiling and singing this beautiful song. He had the most extraordinary voice. Warm, folksy, wise, kind, gentle yet strong. He had the most peaceful presence and just unbelievable energy flowing through the screen, right at me, through my phone. My shoulders dropped. I was immediately hooked. An instant fan. There was just so much something about him. So I started following him. And then I learned more about his story. I learned that he was born into a brutal civil war in Liberia. He narrowly escaped the life of a child soldier. He was rescued and brought to the United States as a refugee. And that as life changing as all of that was for him, it didn't mean a happily ever after and meant a whole new set of challenges. Identity, crisis, isolation, Grief. So many questions. The biggest one being, who am I? And if you've ever felt lost, you've probably asked yourself that question too. And that's why the conversation you're about to hear is life changing. If you're wondering, well, who is this guy, Mel? His name is Monrovia. And he's not just on Instagram and TikTok anymore. He is playing on stages around the world. Which is why I'm extra thrilled that he made the time to get a plane and be here in our Boston studios. For one reason. To talk to you. This episode is for anyone who has ever felt like an outsider or questioned if you belong or wondered if your story is worth telling. By the time you're done listening, you will know deep in your soul that you have an amazing part to play in this world. And you are going to feel so reassured that you are already on your way to discovering who you are meant to truly be.
- [02:31]
Monrovia
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- [03:01]
Mel Robbins
Introducing the new Dell AI PC. Powered by the Intel Core Ultra processor, it helps do your busy work for you so you can fast forward through editing images, designing presentations, generating code, debugging code, summarizing meeting notes, finding files, managing your schedule, responding to Jim's long emails, leaving all the time in the world for the things you actually want to do. No offense, Jim, Get A new Dell AIPC@dell.com AI PC hey, it's your friend Mel. And welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am on the edge of my seat. I am so excited for our conversation today. I'm excited that you're here. It is always such an honor to spend this time together. But today, the fact that I get to meet somebody that I've admired at the same moment you get to meet them, that is just a thrill. And if you're new to the podcast, I wanted to personally take a moment and welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. I'm so glad that you're here with me right now. And because you made the time to listen to this particular episode today, here's what I know about you. First of all, I know that you value your time. So it means a lot to me that you made the decision to hit play. And you're gonna be so happy that you did, because something magical is about to happen. And if you're listening right now because someone shared this conversation with you, it's because I was right. Something magical did happen in this episode and they wanted you to experience it too. And so does my incredible guest today, Monrovia. Monrovia is a phenomenon, a one of a kind musician from Tennessee who has carved out time from a busy touring schedule to be for this special conversation. You and I are gonna be swept away not only by his story, but by his humility, his compassion, and the message that he is here to tell you today. It's a message that's gonna leave you feeling loved, empowered and clear. Man's life story sounds like a movie and every bit of it is true. Man grew up carrying a history and feelings that he couldn't fully explain until he found music. And now his music is finding people all over the world. I mean, just look at his TikTok. His videos have 17 million likes and a bunch of them, they're from me. And what he's creating doesn't just cross genres. It crosses continents, generations and life experiences. Man blends his Afro Appalachian roots with raw personal storytelling. A sound story so distinct, so grounding and folksy. Singer, songwriter, it earned him a spot on Spotify's 2024 Juniper Artist to Watch list. He now reaches over 1.5 million monthly listeners on the platform proof that his voice is resonating way beyond the stage. At a Monrovia concert that is something to behold. He has sold out every headline show he's ever played. He's taken the stage at Bonnaroo, Austin City Limits and the legendary Newport Folk Festival. This year, this rising star is going global with a sold out European tour that he just completed and US appearances at major festivals including Boston Calling and a return to Newport. I mean, this guy is a rising star. But more importantly, there is so much wisdom, not only in his music, but in his life story and what he wants to share with you today that you can take whatever has happened to you in the past and make something beautiful out of it. So please help me welcome Monrovia to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Monrovia. I am so excited to meet you in person. Thank you for jumping on a plane. Thank you for being here. Congratulations on all your success. I am so excited to talk to you.
- [06:59]
Monrovia
It's a complete honor. And yeah, I'm really just stoked to be in this place with you right now. Thank you so much for giving me space to tell my story.
- [07:09]
Mel Robbins
I would love to start by having you speak to the person who is with us right now. This is somebody who doesn't have a lot of time, but they have hit play. They're making the time to learn from your story, to learn from your wisdom. What might they experience that could be different about their life if they truly take to heart all of the wisdom and lessons that you're about to teach us from your own life journey?
- [07:37]
Monrovia
Yeah. I think something that I hope for just that one person is to know that life is, is full of suffering, but it doesn't take away from you belonging in it that you have such an amazing part to play in the scheme of things. And so, yeah, I mean, talking about my stories and the music, all I do it for is for you to know that your time here is, is meant.
- [08:02]
Mel Robbins
How do you cultivate that belief? And I'm sure we're going to get into it. If you're in a place in your life where you are really suffering, how do you get yourself to believe that you're meant to be here and that there's something bigger for you?
- [08:18]
Monrovia
I think it comes back to memory. And if you can think of your life and the things you've already come through and you're still standing, you're still regardless if you're on the floor, you're still here, present with us. And memory is an important part of the art of continuation. Knowing that you've come through things already and believing that you will again till you get to that place where maybe you're more, you know, fulfilled and strengthened is the ways I've kept myself going forward.
- [08:49]
Mel Robbins
For somebody who is just meeting you for the first time, you know, I was introduced to you through a very, very dear friend of mine. I have been following you online for 18 months. I'm so proud of.
- [09:01]
Monrovia
Thank you.
- [09:01]
Mel Robbins
Your music does feel like waking up from a dream. It immediately makes my shoulders drop. I am so excited to see you exploding in terms of popularity and the recognition for your music. But for the person who hasn't heard you sing, has not heard your music, does not know your story. How would you describe the music that you create and the kind of artistry that you're putting into the world?
- [09:32]
Monrovia
The music I create, I think for one is peaceful. When you enter, you know, when that song comes on, my hope for you is to. To have you lose anxiety. For you to be able to sink in and think about, I think, the importance of one yourself. And I hope my music takes people into. Into that realm and that they can then I would say, understand just how important they are. So that's, that's. That's kind of the main purpose of the music. Yeah.
- [10:06]
Mel Robbins
Did you always know you wanted to be a musician?
- [10:09]
Monrovia
No. No, not at all. Yeah, I think I had this gift of. Of making music, but I was a very shy person. I was really quiet growing up. I mean, I've come from a lot, you know, I've gone. I had gone through a lot of things at a young age already. And so, you know, I. To assimilate as well in America. I think a lot of my life I was watchful, trying to see what my place was and how to act as an African American in a white household, in more of a middle class space, private school. So a lot of my life was watchful. I didn't. I wanted to play the part well. And I think that was something that. That just became what I was early on.
- [10:47]
Mel Robbins
I love that word watchful. It's so relatable because regardless of where you come from or who you are or what family you're in, I think we've all had those experiences where we enter a space or we enter a group of people, or we enter a chapter of our life and we say, I'm not sure I belong or I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. And this idea of stepping back and watching, wow, I really get that about you. And I can think of moments in my life where I felt that way too. And I think it's something that we do when we also feel lost. And it's probably a part of how you figure out how to find your way and find yourself.
- [11:30]
Monrovia
Yeah. And it also protects you from, at the time, from saying things maybe that you shouldn't say, or maybe social cues that you don't understand coming from different places or things like this. So it was definitely a protection mechanism for me as well.
- [11:45]
Mel Robbins
You know, you mentioned that one of the things that you hope people feel is peace when they listen to your music. But one of the big themes that you have is you talk a lot about healing. In fact, the tour that you're on right now, heal with others. And I've also seen you use the quote healing out loud. And your mission to me is clearly more than just making music and going on tour. And that stuff is all incredible. But can you talk a little bit more about why healing with others and this sense of creating and cultivating peace within yourself is such an important thing for you?
- [12:24]
Monrovia
Yeah, it's important to me because I suffered a lot alone, even being surrounded by a lot of people. I had that feeling. And that's not just known to me. I see like that all the time. You work big jobs, you're in a place where you're surround people, but you still go home and you're like, wow, no one understands me or what I'm going through. And music for me was that journal, that outlet where I could be honest with my feelings. And when I kind of started to do music a little bit more full time, I saw that how this could relate to other people as well. And so, you know, I think the mission was birthed from 1B, seeing how successful it was on myself trying to form a community that way. So it's been amazing just to see it, see it do what it's done.
- [13:12]
Mel Robbins
You and I are about to get into your remarkable life story. And you're young. I mean, like, I'm like a grandma compared to you.
- [13:21]
Monrovia
Stop. So time is time. What is time?
- [13:24]
Mel Robbins
What is time? I. But, you know, you literally, when I think about the extraordinary number of experiences ranging from war to adoption, to moving to another country, to now finding yourself on stages around the world and being laser focused on this message of peace and healing, what does it say to you that your music and your story is resonating with millions of people around the world?
- [14:00]
Monrovia
Well, I think it's a needed thing, you know, and I don't Think enough people are sinking into that space where you give someone the space to really have quiet and an intimate time with themselves. The world is fast moving. It's. It's loud. And that's why, you know, being. Having the ukulele, or we'd even have drums for a while. And a lot of my. A lot of my sets, right, people were still into just the sound and the experience and the words and the storytelling. And it brought them back to situations and moments in their own life where they can really look at it clearly, look at the mirror, one that we all try to run away from all the time. And so it says a lot to me. It says that it's important, the work I'm doing, and I just hope to continue in it as best I can.
- [14:45]
Mel Robbins
Well, there's no doubt you're going to.
- [14:47]
Monrovia
Well, it's hard. It's not easy.
- [14:49]
Mel Robbins
What's hard about it?
- [14:51]
Monrovia
I think it's so much easier to pour and pour things that are detrimental, like anger and selfishness, and sink that into the earth instead. Like, the outpouring of love is hard, and the outpouring of grace and forgiveness doesn't come easily to us as humans. And so I think for me personally, as the artist, it can weigh on you at times, you know, the giving of it, if you don't have a place to be refilled. And so that's also why community is so important. It goes back to that. Because to do the work that must be done for good, you have to have also that mooring of people that, you know, you can go back and get replenished to go again.
- [15:38]
Mel Robbins
So, you know, when I first heard you, somebody sent me your Instagram account, and I, you know, hit play on one of your songs, and I'm like, who is this guy? Is it like, this is like. And I hate to even be referenced. I'm like, is this, like, Cat Stevens or is this Yusuf Nador? Like, what is happening here? And you have this incredible. It's like you defy the category that people want to put you in. You call yourself. In terms of the music, I've heard it called Appalachia folk.
- [16:13]
Monrovia
Yeah. Afro Appalachian.
- [16:14]
Mel Robbins
What does that mean?
- [16:16]
Monrovia
I mean, I was. I live in Appalachia, so, like, that tail end down in Tennessee. And I'm from West Africa, Liberia, capital city Monrovia. And, you know, there's a lot of history in Appalachia with, you know, the slaves that came over, the Irish, the Scots in the mountains, you know, writing these songs together. The, you know, the Banjo. All these things mixing together in culture, and I didn't even know a lot of this living in Tennessee, to be honest. I learned this history as people started to say things like, you like, oh, you're cats, you're this. I didn't know the lore of the history of folk and everything like this, but in the space of being in Tennessee and seeing the correlation of how this is history, it's. Yeah. I don't know. It's been a powerful thing to have it revealed to me this way, because I wasn't trying to be, you know, I don't think anything with afraid or. I just made music that I thought would help me on the journey of my life.
- [17:13]
Mel Robbins
Yeah, well, let's talk about the journey of your life, because you were born in Liberia, and in the midst of civil war and all of this violence, your life changed forever when you were seven years old.
- [17:28]
Monrovia
Yeah.
- [17:29]
Mel Robbins
Can you tell me what happened?
- [17:30]
Monrovia
Absolutely. So my mom, you know, she's a working woman, and so she's had a couple kids along the way. A lot of them passed away during the war. So me, my brother and my brother Timothy, my sister Tikumbla, who we call Jacqueline because the other name's just super hard to say. You know, us three, we lived, and she, you know, she kept us and raised us as best she could. She passed away in childbirth with our other brother. And so it was just my grandmother, you know, taking care of us at this time. And it was hard during the war. There was nothing, you know, and this missionary family that had been working in Monrovia had been doing things in the community. And one of my aunts decided to go and literally just bring me to them. Like, there was no. I mean, it could have been my sister, it could have my other brother that was chosen, but they. She picked me up and said, you're going to go live with this family. And so from that day on, I lived with them. Yeah, just in Liberia. And we lived through the war before we met. Went back to the States for a little bit. And I don't think. I don't think when I became older, I realized how much it did. To my mind, I think, like, being pulled from your land, the language similarity of people didn't have the words for it then. I didn't speak. I was. I was quiet for a long time. Yeah, my adopted family tells me this all the time. They're like, yeah, you didn't say a word to us for very. We thought something was, like, something was wrong with you. I was like, yeah, probably there was something wrong with me. I just. I didn't know who you were.
- [19:00]
Mel Robbins
You were.
- [19:01]
Monrovia
These. Were these white people, you know, so. But yeah.
- [19:06]
Mel Robbins
Did you have a sense when you said goodbye to your grandmother?
- [19:08]
Monrovia
No, I didn't know it was goodbye, I don't think.
- [19:11]
Mel Robbins
Have you seen your brothers and sisters since this man?
- [19:14]
Monrovia
Such a tale to get to that. But recently I did make contact with my sister after a long time of really not paying attention to anything about it. So it's been a very hard, very hard thing to come to terms with, I would imagine. Yeah.
- [19:39]
Mel Robbins
And I'm sure you'll continue to come to terms with it for your whole life. I think that's how something that dramatic actually works.
- [19:47]
Monrovia
Yeah. You know, it was something that I wasn't ready for most of my life to look at as I lived the American experience. I think it's so easy to feel ashamed of where you're from, even if it's. You had no part to play in it. Mm. So I try to kind of just bury a lot of those things and forget.
- [20:15]
Mel Robbins
And how is that working?
- [20:19]
Monrovia
You know, the past, the fast is always in the undertow, in the choices that you make. And it never left until I looked at it and was ready to accept the truth.
- [20:30]
Mel Robbins
What do you remember about what your life was like before this happened? Like being a kid growing up in the middle of this really violent war in Liberia. Because in case the person listening doesn't understand, one of the things that was happening is they were taking young boys like you and turning them into soldiers.
- [20:51]
Monrovia
Yeah. Yeah. My two brothers, Saturday and Emanuel, they fought in the war, you know, ages 5 to 10. And I grew up in the. I was born in the midst of the fighting already, so all I would have known is chaos and violence. But before that, Liberia was a very beautiful place. I mean, some of the friendliest people. And there was a lot of good going on. There was a dictator that came in, bringing child soldiers from neighboring countries into Liberia, overthrowing the government, and from there kind of descending the country into chaos. It destroyed everything. I mean, even to this day, Liberia is still trying to recover, but there's no law. And you're obeying five year olds with AKs and RPGs, telling you, get on the ground, you know, we'll take your sister or. And you have to listen. It's actually kind of insane to wrap your head around that that's possible.
- [21:46]
Mel Robbins
One of the things that you said that was, I think, very relatable is that this sense of feeling a Deep sense of shame about either where you've come from or your past or what's happened, even though you had no part to play and you are not responsible for what happened, and yet you carry that with you. What would you say to the person that's listening that either feels that same sense of shame about their past or about where they've come from or about where they are now, or somebody that they love is feeling that way? What's possible in terms of how to move through something like that?
- [22:28]
Monrovia
Yeah, no, that's a really good question. I mean, for me, and I can only say it from my. I think from my own. My own standpoint, but I would tell you that there's so much more, I would say beyond. Beyond the past. And you can't let the past hold you and take you out of the world that you are meant to be a part of. And it did that to me for a very long time. And I sat and wallowed, wilting, just blaming myself for a lot of things. And it's such an easy thing to do, as Mel said. But I hope you know the beauty of knowing that life is long and every step leads you somewhere beyond the things that want to capture you and take you back. And the past is like this a lot to all of us. And I would just. I would just hope that, you know, that you always make it up your hills and around your corners because you just never know when good comes and. But it takes continuing, so continuing.
- [23:45]
Mel Robbins
What does that word mean to you?
- [23:49]
Monrovia
That word to me, I mean, that's. I think that's. My whole life has been that word. Actually, it means finding another day. You know, for me, there were so many times I wanted to quit and lay down and say, yeah, yeah, I can't do this. I can't overcome the survivor's guilt. I can't overcome the truth of, you know, the feelings I have with my, you know, my mother and things like this. And I would tell myself through the grave, find another day, another day to quit. And it helped me to make it through each day. I'd be like, not today. I'll find another day. And though I continued again find another day, I continued again until as choices come, I started to make better ones. I started to see how far I had gone from my suffering into the day, into this beautiful experience of life, into where I am now. And it wouldn't have happened if I didn't keep finding another day to do it.
- [24:55]
Mel Robbins
I want to make sure that the person listening really gets that, because when you first said it. I didn't quite get it, and then I saw the genius in it. And so let me try to unpack this and play this back to you to see if I'm interpreting this the right way.
- [25:09]
Monrovia
Okay.
- [25:09]
Mel Robbins
Yeah, sure. So when you said find another day. Right. So nobody would blame you, by the way, if you're like, this is all just too much. I just can't handle this anymore. The genius and what you did to coach yourself through that, that I want to make sure that the person listening really gets is when you said find another day, if Mel Robbins said it, it would have this, like, tinge of positivity. You actually had this genius thread through it, which. Nope, nope. I'm gonna find another day to quit, meaning today's not the day I quit, but I'm giving myself permission to quit on another day if I want to.
- [25:51]
Monrovia
Yeah.
- [25:52]
Mel Robbins
And there's so much truth and acknowledgement of how difficult the experience was, and maybe some days still is, to reconcile everything that's happened to you.
- [26:05]
Monrovia
That's true.
- [26:06]
Mel Robbins
And to give yourself permission to feel what you need to feel. But when you say, not today, I'm gonna find another day to quit, but today is not the day I quit.
- [26:17]
Monrovia
Today is not the day.
- [26:18]
Mel Robbins
Right.
- [26:19]
Monrovia
Yeah, absolutely.
- [26:19]
Mel Robbins
There's something in the brutal honesty of that that I think makes it profoundly powerful.
- [26:26]
Monrovia
You know, if you talk about adoption in itself, a lot of families think this. I'm saying mine did, but. And they were an amazing family. But I'm saying when I look at people that I know that are adopted that have been rescued from, you know, bad family or experiences around the world similar to mine, you know, a lot of these adopted families believe just that, that, oh, you've been saved, so you're good. And it's just not the case for those that are adopted people. You know, there's so much depth in coming from, you know, what is your. Your lineage or bloodline, but being torn from that, torn from a mother or a father, it's. It's something that you have to carry. You carry through your entire life.
- [27:17]
Mel Robbins
I want to be very clear to repeat back something that I heard, which is, I don't hear you blaming your parents that adopted you. In fact, you have talked about the fact that this was an incredible gift. What I hear is you acknowledging the truth about how complicated an experience it can be for people who are being adopted, because you have this huge range of emotions. You feel grateful for the fact that somebody has taken you into their family, but you also feel confusion. Confusion as to whether or not you were wanted by your family. And if, like you, you were the only one adopted and you have siblings that are still somewhere else, you wonder, why was it you? And then on top of that, I would imagine that if you're coming from another country, that adds a whole host of other feelings that you may have about whether or not you belong. None of which is the fault of the adoptive parents. And I'm sure if you're listening now and you've either been adopted or you're an adoptive parent, you know that this is true. But perhaps you don't quite know how to create a space for all of those complicated feelings to be okay and to be talked about without somebody feeling bad. I think that's what you're saying.
- [28:37]
Monrovia
There's so many feelings wrapped up in it. One, you watch your siblings, you see where they get certain traits from. And again, I have characteristics of my daft because I was young, so I do have things characteristics of, like my dad, my adopted dad, adopted mom. But you watch and see, you know, the gate of their walk, or a certain smile that comes across their face that looks like, you know, their mom or dad. And you. And you wonder. You start to wonder, like what? And I have this song that I wrote about it called Whose Face Am I? And you start to wonder, whose face am I? What is my history? What is my story? And I just think for anybody that adopts, yes, it's a beautiful experience and you're doing an amazing work because it's. You're giving kids, I think, an opportunity to. To live and also find themselves. But I hope that as well, you. You never let them go through without telling them, I think, the truth of their. Their starting point, like, even if it's a hard story, and there's something that will give them a lot of, I think, identity in hearing where they've come from, regardless of how hard it is.
- [29:48]
Mel Robbins
Is that something that was kept from you for a while?
- [29:51]
Monrovia
I wouldn't say. I don't know. Kept is interesting. I don't know if it was kept really, but we didn't really talk about it. And so when I tell you how I reached my sister and I have now come back together, I was in a place to ask a lot of different things about my story, and honestly, that's kind of healed me the most throughout my entire time.
- [30:15]
Mel Robbins
What were some of the most surprising or reassuring things that you learned about your story that helped you heal?
- [30:22]
Monrovia
Well, I learned a lot about my mother, and I think the root of My suffering, which is an important piece, is it always been around her and not knowing her and not knowing the feelings that maybe she had or how I, you know, if I had come from. If I had come into this world based on love or based on other things. And so it was tough because, you know, I found out some other things about just, you know, what she had to do during the war. Right. To survive. And some of those things were really heavy for me to hear. But I also found out in the middle of that, that she loved me very much. And she, you know, decided to keep us. You know, I mean, think about the sacrifice of a woman deciding to have a child in war and, like, being like, I'm gonna try to take care of them in this experience. It's just. It made me feel very, very loved.
- [31:15]
Mel Robbins
Can I ask you a really personal question and we can edit this out? Sure. I'm just curious about this. So as part of your concern that you were conceived because of sexual violence that was happening during the war.
- [31:28]
Monrovia
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And that. Actually, that can be in the. I don't. That doesn't bother me one bit. It's the truth of the matter. And that was something as a kid that I was always afraid to. To ask, to. To wonder. I didn't want to wonder about that.
- [31:44]
Mel Robbins
And is that what happened?
- [31:47]
Monrovia
Yeah. Yeah. And so growing up, I mean, people will say many things to say, you know, you could. You know, maybe I was a bastard and things like this. Like, I thought about this at a young age, like I was already. Already pretty in tune about just a lot of the world. So I wondered a lot. And, yeah, it made me very. I felt very alone thinking about this. And I remember speaking to my sister and I. And I'll tell you the story. I was driving with my manager to my managers coming from a tour, and I'm speaking to my sister, listening. I have my headphones in. She's telling me this. This story. And, you know, and I was like, so tell me about my mom. And she says, oh, mom was, you know, she was so beautiful, kind, hilarious. Because she remembers. She's older than me, so she remembers a lot more. And I was like, well, so what about my dad? And she tells a story of how, you know, things went down. And I remember I sat in the back and I. And I just wept. Yeah, I cried those tears that I had held in for a very long time. When it came to that part of my. My. My story. Faced it, you know, accepted it. Yeah. From violence. Still, beautiful things can come And I think that is what brought me a lot of peace there. The love afterwards. I think met that. She kept me met the most ever. So, I mean, I wouldn't be here without that.
- [33:18]
Mel Robbins
What's your mother's name?
- [33:20]
Monrovia
Her name is Maria. Yeah, man. So.
- [33:26]
Mel Robbins
Thank you for sharing that.
- [33:27]
Monrovia
Absolutely.
- [33:28]
Mel Robbins
Or your manager's like, dude, what's going on back there? The hell's going on? Yeah, you just sold out that show. Why you balling like a baby back there?
- [33:38]
Monrovia
They were bad. They look. I remember they looked back. They gave me peace, though. They looked back and they just, like, get forward. I don't think they do. They just let me. But they let me have. Have that space to just pour out things that I needed to. And they didn't really ask. It was awesome. They just kind of let me do it and we went on. It was. There was no weirdness about it. And that's a beautiful thing, man. Crying is super important in life.
- [33:59]
Mel Robbins
Well, that's one of the most important things to point out that you gave yourself the space.
- [34:03]
Monrovia
Yes. Yeah.
- [34:04]
Mel Robbins
You know, I want to take a quick beat real quick and give our sponsors a chance to share a few words. And I also want to give you a chance to share this life changing conversation. There are people in your life that you're thinking about that I know you want them to experience the magic of what we're talking about. Everybody deserves to feel like they belong. Everybody needs to be reminded that they are here for a reason. And so thank you for sharing this with people that you care about. And don't you dare go anywhere, because we are just getting started. There is so much more we're going to talk about, and Monrovi and I are going to be waiting for you after this short break. So stay with us. If you don't know what to bring to the barbecue or the fourth of July cookout this year, I know just the thing. My mochi ice cream. It's premium ice cream wrapped in a soft, sweet little dough. No cones, no bowls, no spoons. You just open the box and boom, everybody's gonna want one. You get six in a pack, 70 calories each. The flavors, amazing. Strawberry, mango cookies and cream. And they're all gluten free and delicious. Everyone at the party can grab the one they want without scooping, making a mess, or standing around with sticky hands. No cleanup. I've seen this firsthand. Whether it's a barbecue or at our studios in Boston, my mochi ice cream is always a hit and disappears like that. And honestly, you don't need a party to treat yourself. Keep a box in the freezer and you got instant joy anytime you open the door. If you want to feel joy, you can't go wrong with my mochi. This fourth of July served my Mochi America's number one mochi ice cream. Look for the purple box of my mochi ice cream at walmart or visit mymochi.com to find a store near you. That's mymoch I.com you ever stop and think about how much you pack into a single day? You're getting kids out the door, racing to work, wiping up spills, picking up after the dog, tackling dishes, laundry. All of it. It never ends. If you're already doing all that, shouldn't you get something back for it? Of course you should. With P and G Good every day you can earn cash back and savings for buying the products that keep you going from morning routines to midnight messes. They got you covered. It's totally free to join and you'll unlock exclusive coupons, cash back rebates and awesome prizes. Save big on over 60 P&G brands with the new Brand Saver digital coupon program, all from your phone right now. Enter for a chance to win their biggest prize bundle ever, a P and G prize pack with Tide Gain, Cascade, Olay and more, valued at over $1,000. Enter as many times as you want for your chance to win through June 30th. No purchase necessary. Adults 18/Start saving hundreds of dollars on your favorite brands today. Sign up for free@pgcoupons.com Mel, you know that feeling when you step outside and just that's the magic of having an outdoor space that feels like yours. And with a few key pieces from Wayfair, maybe a couple lounge chairs, string lights, a fire pit that could become the spot for late night chats or just some really cool pots. Totally upgrade the vibe. It can make your outdoor space go from we never used to use this to oh my gosh, this is my favorite part of the house. Wayfair has everything in one place, which means all you have to do is click and and boom, you're done. It doesn't get any easier than that. So if you're thinking about upgrading your outdoor space, do it now because the big ticket items go fast this time of year. And trust me, your future summer self will thank you. Whatever your budget is, don't wait. Make your outdoor space your dream oasis today with Wayfair and enjoy it all summer long. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop a huge outdoor selection. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com Wayfair Every style, every home. Welcome back. It's your buddy, Mel Robbins. And today you and I are hearing the unforgettable story and wisdom of Monrovia, who is a singer, songwriter who is exploding in the music scene. I'm a huge fan of his, and today he is sharing lessons from his life. And I'm so excited that you're here. I would love to have you, since you seem to have made peace with the truth about how you were conceived and the circumstances that you were born into. And you have really been able to tell a different story about the love that Maria had in choosing to keep you and love you and cherish you. And a lot of people don't do that. For somebody that is listening to you and they're thinking, well, I just am so different from my family. Or I know exactly what you're talking about, but I don't know how to reconcile the truth. What would you recommend as something that they could do to start walking down that road of healing and that sense of coming to peace with the truth about just your life story?
- [39:23]
Monrovia
I think finding a place where you feel safe is the number one step into one, possibly accepting the truth or coming to terms with it. And for me, music was the safe space. So I would tell that person, if you have somewhere where the world is quiet, where you can look at it clearly and take the time, give yourself that time. Because it wasn't something that I did when I was 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. I mean, no, this was years. And I think accepting that when it comes, it will come. But you also have to create the spaces that are not in the loudness of the world for you to be able to sit still and really look at the truth. So whatever that space is for them, I think there is where acceptance will be found.
- [40:27]
Mel Robbins
Do you remember the first time you felt safe?
- [40:31]
Monrovia
First time I felt safe. I mean, it's an interesting question because, I mean, I was safe, but. But I remember still. Dreams followed me most of my life, even till now. I have dreams of being chased by child soldiers or guns to my head and things like this. So safety in my mind is something that I still search for, but bodily safety? Yeah, I was. I mean, when I left Liberia, I think that was when I was like, okay, yeah, I don't think anything's really going to happen to me here.
- [41:01]
Mel Robbins
Well, you got the question right, because the question Wasn't about whether or not you were safe. Because I think there's a sense for all of us that we can busy ourselves and we can know that we are okay, but as we are outrunning or denying or not allowing ourselves to process what we need to process or to be honest about the things that we're struggling with, we don't feel safe. And I read that since you weren't thinking, okay, I'm just gonna write music about my pain, and that's what I'm gonna do with my life. And that's what, like, you were literally seeking space to be able to process the experiences of. And I read that you started journaling and that that became the early entry point for you to start writing music.
- [41:44]
Monrovia
Yeah.
- [41:45]
Mel Robbins
Can you talk about, like, the power of journaling and how it helped you?
- [41:49]
Monrovia
Yeah. I could never say. I wouldn't say I was the best speaker in my family. I had a hard time always trying to convey what I wanted to say to my parents or, you know, mainly my parents. And I remember when I fell in love with just words, when I started to write, and it was just a place where it could be me. It was just me and me. That was the first safe space in the journaling. Yeah. And I didn't intend to really have that go into song, to be honest. But kind of as time went on, I was able to turn a lot of my writings and things into, you know, melodic kind of flows and things like this, and it became that way. And now going as I am, you know, older and things like that, that's kind of how I write my lyrics is most of the time, it starts with me thinking about things that I have a hard time saying or things I think about the world, and I'm writing them down, and then they come back to me weeks, months, years later into a song kind of like just. Yeah. And that's the downloading from the source. It doesn't. I don't think about it, but when it presents itself again and reappears these lyrics, and then it just turns into some. Something that can help another person.
- [43:07]
Mel Robbins
So, you know, one thing I want to validate, because I noticed you said I wasn't the best speaker. And I think for me and the person that's with us right now, we're like, no, you're a pretty good speaker, actually. I think the accurate thing. And I'm just going to. And you tell me if this feels right to you.
- [43:27]
Monrovia
Yeah.
- [43:28]
Mel Robbins
Is you didn't feel safe saying what you needed to say.
- [43:36]
Monrovia
That is Accurate.
- [43:37]
Mel Robbins
And it goes back to that sense of being a watcher in life. Yes, that I think we've all had an experience where we're stepping back and we're in a mode of protecting and not wanting to hurt anybody, not wanting to say the wrong thing. And I say that because, you know, I look at the various things that people write in about that listen from around the world, and maybe as you're listening, you've said yourself, I'm not really good at communicating. I'm not really the best speaker.
- [44:06]
Monrovia
True.
- [44:07]
Mel Robbins
I would have you ask yourself, is that it? Or are you more concerned about making sure everyone around you is not upset or confronted by what you actually are feeling and wanna say? And so I love this takeaway, that journaling became a space that you created for yourself. One of the things that I read that you said that I would love to dig into is I used to be in love with my suffering. What does that mean?
- [44:40]
Monrovia
It became something I thought I deserved. And so in that, I accepted that exact thing that I'm meant to suffer. A lot of people do that. I, for one, easily did that when it came to anything that I went through. I said, you know, I deserve this because I would look at my life and the choices I made, and it all goes back to Liberia for me, because I wanted to forget them. I wanted to. To pay them no mind, to not even respect, you know, the lives of the people lost there. I just wanted to be America. I wanted. I just wanted to go to college, go to place my sports, have all these things in life. And, and when I was in college, it came to a head. My mind literally shattered. I was, I was so depressed and, and, and had no, no course. And so I said, you know what? I'll just suffer. Like this is my penance because of all the things that. All the time I wasted in America, not utilizing the gift of having an opportunity to do something, I put everything of that on myself. My mother dying, I put that maybe if Timothy or my sister Jacqueline were here, maybe one of them would have been a doctor to do something even more useful. Maybe one of them would have done something that. Where they could give so much back to Liberia or whatever. I didn't think of anything, became American, happy, and did my thing. And when it came, and when I realized this, when I was older, looking back, I said, wow, I wasted a lot of time doing absolutely nothing for what my story deserves.
- [46:32]
Mel Robbins
I know the person listening either knows somebody like this or they are that person I used. I deserve bad things yeah, that's what I thought. Wow. How did you turn this around? Talk to the person that's with us and just share a little bit with, like, what was the epiphany? How did you turn this around and go, wait a minute, I don't have to do life this way?
- [46:54]
Monrovia
Yeah. I mean, I was on Lookout Mountain, Georgia. I was up there with some roommates, and I had. I was doing drugs, drinking like crazy, couldn't pay my rent, doing odd jobs and just. Yeah, just not caring about anything. Everything that I had went to alcohol. And I woke up one morning knowing that I wasn't going to be able to make my rent anything like this. I was borrowing money from all my dad's friends, like, people that he'd know. Like, I was. I was texting them, could I have somebody, you know, just to pay my rent? But it was always going back to other things. And of course, I got back to him one day and he. He calls me up, my father, and he's, son, I want you to, you know, come to. And he's. He'd asked me times before, and this brings me back to just speaking to that person. There are people in your life that have stayed. Whether you see it or not or want to see it, there are those that have stayed, and they're the ones that have been there for you in the dark night, have whispered to you, don't say that about yourself. No, no, you don't deserve that. And when you fall in love with your sufferings, when you decide not to hear those people anymore. And so, for some reason, I was at such a low point in my life. I remember I said, you know, I have nothing else. And so I took this hand that was extended for my father and I left Tennessee. I said, dad, I have nothing else. I'll come. I don't know what this is going to do. I don't know. So I went to California, and all I did was build this house with my father, me and him, because he was building the house in Dana Point, California. And some days he would leave and go to the church, and I would just be home by myself for hours, tearing down the house, taking out the nails, breaking down walls. And that alone time, it's what healed me. I saw the correlation of the destruction of this home to rebuild something new. And I thought, can I do the same thing to myself? And it was just a powerful thing to me to be working with my. To be working my hands on this. This house and making it beautiful at the same time, working on inward Things and. But I would say to the listener, notice the hands that are extended towards you at all times, because they're the ones that are going to help you come out of that place. I don't think it's something you can really do alone, to be honest. The need for each other is the only way I think the world continues is to know that we rely on each other for moments such as that.
- [49:39]
Mel Robbins
Talk to me about the name, because your name was John Jay, is that right?
- [49:43]
Monrovia
Yeah, it's my birth name.
- [49:44]
Mel Robbins
Okay. And so you changed your name, though, to Monrovia, which is the capital of Liberia.
- [49:50]
Monrovia
Yeah.
- [49:51]
Mel Robbins
When did that happen and why did you choose to do that?
- [49:54]
Monrovia
Happened after I went to California. Yeah. In the building process, music finds me again. Because at this point, before that, I wasn't really doing much music. I was just trying to live and overcome. But when I got back to California, started to really dive into these things. I started to fall in love with music again and writing the truth. And I remembered, I said, if anything came from this, it can't be about me anymore at all. And I said, I need to remember my people and where I'm from to keep me on course, to keep me grounded. And so Monrovia was the choice name. It's a reminder to me of everything.
- [50:36]
Mel Robbins
How long ago did you do that?
- [50:38]
Monrovia
That would be 20, 19.
- [50:42]
Mel Robbins
Wow.
- [50:42]
Monrovia
Yeah.
- [50:43]
Mel Robbins
I mean, this is kind of amazing because we're talking just six years ago. Five years ago.
- [50:49]
Monrovia
Yeah.
- [50:50]
Mel Robbins
You weren't even writing music then.
- [50:52]
Monrovia
No, not before that. I was not doing anything with music.
- [50:56]
Mel Robbins
That's kind of incredible. This feels like a good moment to take a quick pause, hear a word from our sponsors, and don't you dare go anywhere, because I've got a bunch more questions I wanted to ask, man. And he's also going to be singing after this short break, so stay with us. If you don't know what to bring to the barbecue or the Fourth of July cookout this year, I know just the thing. My mochi ice cream. It's premium ice cream wrapped in a soft, sweet little dough. No cones, no bowls, no spoons. You just open the box and boom, everybody's gonna want one. You get six in a pack, 70 calories each. The flavor's amazing. Strawberry, mango cookies and cream. And they're all gluten free and delicious. Everyone at the party can grab the one they want without scooping, making a mess, or standing around with sticky hands. No cleanup. I've seen this firsthand, whether it's a barbecue or at our studios in Boston. My mochi ice cream is always a hit and disappears like that. And honestly, you don't need a party to treat yourself. Keep a box in the freezer and you got instant joy anytime you open the door. If you want to feel joyfully chill, you can't go wrong with my mochi. This fourth of July served my mochi America's number one mochi ice cream. Look for the purple box of my mochi ice cream at Walmart or visit mymochi.com to find a store near you. That's mymoch I.com One thing we talk a lot with the experts that show up on this podcast is gut health. And one thing is very clear. If your gut's not supported, it throws everything out of balance. I mean, we're learning that everything comes back to your gut and that's where Just Thrive Probiotic comes in. See, here's something a lot of people don't talk about. Most probiotics don't survive the trip through your stomach. But Just Thrive is clinically proven to make it to your gut 100% alive and ready to work to make your gut healthy. They can help keep your good bacteria in balance. They support digestion, they help your body absorb nutrients, and they keep your immune system working properly. The result? You have energy, better digestion. Support your gut, support your life with Just Thrive. Try just thrive for 90 days risk free and feel the difference in your digestion, your energy, your sleep, your whole Life. Go to justthrivehealth.com and use code MEL to save 20%. Take the 90 day Just Thrive Challenge today because when your gut thrives, you thrive. That's justthrivehealth.com promo code Mel. You've got enough going on, so let your hair be the easiest part of your day with K18 air wash dry Shampoo. It eliminates sweat, oil and odor on contact, leaving your hair and scalp feeling fresh and clean for up to three days without any white cast or heavy buildup. Pick it up at your nearest Sephora or use code Mel for 10% off your first order at k18hair.com that's code Mel@k18hair.com. Welcome back, it's your buddy, Mel Robbins. Today, you and I are having an extraordinary conversation with Monrovia, and I cannot wait for you to sing a little bit later. But first, I wanted to ask you this question. How have you processed the survivor guilt? Because you've talked about the fact that you were the one that was chosen. It could have been Your older sister or your brother, and they might have made more of the opportunity. And you've beaten yourself up about this. How do you process the survivor guilt.
- [54:25]
Monrovia
Move from a place of blame to a place of, I think, claiming this opportunity? Not that I have to owe anything to what I am doing and that. And that wasn't easy, but to understand that I get to instill good things to people. I get to, because of this rescue, bring more good into the world this way. It's something I get to do. It's not. And I don't keep it as I think. In the beginning of Monrovia, I looked at it as something of a penance to my people. But as time has gone on, I'm understanding more everything that happened to me. You know, it's almost like anti. Fragility, I suppose, where these things in life that happen to you, you can choose to become stronger from them, you know, and so I think choosing that. Choosing to accept the gift, that's what it was. It was a gift. And. And it freed me once I. I could accept it to be like, this is. This is an experience that was chosen for me. And I don't know. I don't know if my sister had, you know, had. Has music or my. Or my brother. Right. And I will do everything I can with the gifts given now to shine light on my people, the history of them, of, you know, black Americans here, of people in different countries that are struggling with different things. I get to do that because of the gift that was given to me from that time.
- [56:10]
Mel Robbins
I am blown away by that reframe. And I want to make sure that we really highlight that because that was extraordinary. People have survivor's guilt over lots of different things.
- [56:24]
Monrovia
Yeah, lots of different things. Yeah.
- [56:26]
Mel Robbins
You know, you can have survivor's guilt because you survived a car crash that a good friend didn't. You can have survivor's guilt because your sibling was the person that was abused and you were not. You can have survivor guilt for just endless reasons. And you just said you were able to move it from blame, like you make yourself wrong for being the one that it didn't happen to. To claiming this and really seeing the fact that this is a gift and the way that, you know that it's a gift goes back to something that you said you're meant to be here. Is there anything else that you would say to the person who is really just kind of struggling with the guilt? You know, that kind of undeserving thing, which, again, sounds like, I love my suffering so I'm just gonna. You know, there's periods of grief, of course, but then there comes that point where you're like, okay, yeah, I think.
- [57:29]
Monrovia
If you can change guilt to growth, you know, and notice that there's always an opportunity for that. Anywhere you look, you don't have. You know, and it's not a massive. It's not changing overnight. It's not. It's the little tiny changes you can make of something, whether it's, you know, I drink this many, whatever, beers a day, or I'm taking, you know, maybe you take one less one day. Growth happens. And I think that overcomes a lot of guilt, is I think letting growth take its place and not sitting in guilt. I think you can always grow from it. And so that's what I've done.
- [58:08]
Mel Robbins
So you've shared that music kind of was this space for you to heal and journaling was the space for you. When were you like, you know what? I think I'm gonna sing. I think I'm gonna pick up a ukulele, and I think I'm gonna start to write some songs. Like, when was that moment that you're.
- [58:25]
Monrovia
Like, with the ukulele, man, that was a long way away. Away. It's a long way before that. I was. I mean, I guess I take it back to high school. I did play a little bit of guitar, like, a very small bit.
- [58:36]
Mel Robbins
Okay.
- [58:37]
Monrovia
But I wrote more for my friends in junior senior year of high school, so I already. I already knew that that gift of writing was there, but I never really wanted to be seen. I'm not someone that likes to be in the front of people.
- [58:50]
Mel Robbins
You're a watcher.
- [58:51]
Monrovia
I'm a watcher, yeah.
- [58:52]
Mel Robbins
Or so you say.
- [58:53]
Monrovia
That's what I say. Yeah, I guess that's. But I went to college, and I did one. I did a musical event there called Mountain Affair at the school Covenant College on Lookout Mountain, Tennessee. And I ended up winning People's Choice Award at this school. And still I was like, nah, this is not for me. Right. And so after I go to California, after my things, I go to California. I'm starting to become mon. I pick up a ukulele because my parents got me this gift. It wasn't. I didn't want to play the ukulele. I wanted a guitar.
- [59:24]
Mel Robbins
Okay. They're cheaper, though. The ukulele is cheaper. And plus, having musicians in my family, if I buy you a guitar and you don't play it, you'll piss.
- [59:32]
Monrovia
Yeah, exactly.
- [59:33]
Mel Robbins
If I spend 60 bucks on a Ukulele. We're good.
- [59:35]
Monrovia
Yeah. And there was an old guitar. This is whatever. But they gave me. They gave me a clay. I just started to write, find simple chords. And this is back in California and I started just to write some songs. And this stuff wasn't going. I wasn't making this broad to people. I just played a little bit. I moved back to Tennessee, and because of me being. I'll be honest, I think it was because of me being black. I never really went into singer songwriter, you know, that genre. I decided to go, okay for Monrovia. I'll take it into a more experimental way. I'll just do like. Right. I'll write over beats because I, you know, this is what African American, like, they're not gonna. Who's gonna accept me into, like, the full. That space?
- [60:16]
Mel Robbins
Is that the kind of music you listen to?
- [60:18]
Monrovia
No, that's what I'm saying. I. I listened. Growing up, my. When my foster brothers came to the home, they showed me more of the singer songwriter music, but I never thought I could do that just based on my skin. And I didn't see anybody in that world that was doing that in my space. And so being Mon, I decided just to write over rap beats and do more of like a lyrical rap thing. It's in Dark Continent, which is. It's a lot of different genres and it wasn't sticking still. So this is 2021 Covid area.
- [60:44]
Mel Robbins
Okay.
- [60:45]
Monrovia
And 2021 comes to a close, and 22 comes around, and I'm like, I got. I found my ukulele again. And I start to play and write songs on this ukulele. One of my managers, Eric, who was with me from the beginning in the gutter, he tells me, dude, you should go on TikTok. You should go. And just. I love what you're doing with the ukulele. Everything else, that's not it. Let's. You have these amazing songs, you have these lyrics that really touch. That touch me. I think they'll touch other people as well. And so end of the 22nd of December, every day I just went. I was like, oh, whatever. I went on TikTok. I just played my song. Only my original songs used the ukulele. And people just started to gather to stay. So, you know, they'd be at work. They'd have it on at work. They'd be making coffee in the mornings, and they would just have me on playing these songs and listening to these original songs. And the community grew from there.
- [61:41]
Mel Robbins
Who's the watcher now? We all are. We're watching you, Ron.
- [61:44]
Monrovia
Yeah, y' all are watching me on there. And so from there, that's when, you know, I think it's. It dawned on me that, oh, there are so many other people that feel though different experiences and different bringings ups and everything. The emotions are what really connect all of us. We all know sadness, we all know pain, love, loss. And so the music was hitting on those things. And it brought so many different people into the space. It was really beautiful.
- [62:12]
Mel Robbins
When did you have this epiphany? This is what I want to do for a living. Because you're kind of like dabbling in music. Cause it's fun and it's something to do. But then Eric's your manager now, but when he's like, dude, you gotta do this. This was like a friend encouraging you.
- [62:28]
Monrovia
Oh yeah.
- [62:28]
Mel Robbins
And it sounds more like you were resisting the call and resisting the thing that everybody else saw.
- [62:37]
Monrovia
It goes back to that, to the doubt of everything. I don't deserve to be doing this. You know, could it possibly happen if I gave it my full efforts? And I look back at my music and having a friend tell me, believe in me more than I do, I would say is what put me on this journey. And you need people in your life like that.
- [62:58]
Mel Robbins
And it goes back to what you said earlier. When somebody extends a hand or somebody says, you gotta do this thing. Like you really have something here. Like notice how quickly we swat the hand away or we're like, nah, nah, nah. Like, imagine how much would change in your life if you trusted the people that were encouraging you. Yeah, just imagine. And I don't think you have to believe in how it's happening. You gotta stay focused on the thing that you're doing that you're really enjoying doing. And it's clear that you're enjoying this.
- [63:34]
Monrovia
Oh yeah.
- [63:35]
Mel Robbins
What would you say to the person who is listening and they're holding on to something? A song, a book, a move they want to make, a name change. Creating the space to feel what they need to feel. What do you want to tell them about just making the move, like to stop fighting against the pull of what I think we know deeply to be true, but we are either scared of or actively resisting.
- [64:10]
Monrovia
Yeah, I mean, the time here is yours. And regardless of anything, you have your choices to make. And you can either, I think, deny all the good that you can possibly have in this life, deny it yourself, or make the choices that lead you to you. To you. Becoming everything that you doubted. You just deserve to Be happy like you really do. No matter what has happened, you deserve to be happy. You deserve to have to make the choices that lead you to where you want to go.
- [64:50]
Mel Robbins
You know what's interesting is I think I just realized that there is so much suffering in denying yourself of what you want to do.
- [64:59]
Monrovia
Yes.
- [65:00]
Mel Robbins
That is a form of loving. Your suffering is making excuses and holding yourself back from just trying the thing or putting yourself out there or making the change.
- [65:11]
Monrovia
And you also could just do it because you yourself enjoy it. A lot of time you put it on. You put it on. Like, if I put this out there, what are people gonna think about it or what? And at the end of the day, gifts are meant to be given. You're giving a gift, you know what it is. Whether you're an artist, you're author, a singer, you were given a gift, and it's meant to be given again. And it's a blessing that you get to give it to someone else. That in turn, maybe then it brings out their gift because they see your gift shine, your gift heal. Your gift brings something into their thought that they never thought about.
- [65:47]
Mel Robbins
You know, you mentioned that when you first started screwing around with music, you were laying down the beats and doing lyrics on top of it. And it is like the opposite of the kind of. So when you look back, though, and you know, we all have those periods where we look back on what it looked like when we started, and you've got that, like, your nose flared. I'm like, there's the cringe look on Mon right now. He just looks so peaceful right now.
- [66:09]
Monrovia
I just did that, like, not too long ago, dude.
- [66:12]
Mel Robbins
So what do you want to say to the person who literally is like, it's got to be like, they're afraid of that feeling.
- [66:20]
Monrovia
I think fear is totally okay. But don't let the fear stop you from finding. What's more, I think you have to keep pouring, keep trying the gift, learning from it until it refines as you go. And that's how it is. You're not going to become Mozart or Taylor Swift overnight. I'm sure there was different versions all along the way because she kept putting it out, or they kept putting it out. And that's what's happened on my journey, is I kept putting out and trying this gift, working at it, and eventually it reveals where it should be. And now it is where it should be. And I. And here we are.
- [67:05]
Mel Robbins
The art of continuing.
- [67:06]
Monrovia
The art of continuing. Yeah.
- [67:08]
Mel Robbins
And it's continuing to evolve, and it's.
- [67:10]
Monrovia
Continuing and it probably will continue to evolve.
- [67:12]
Mel Robbins
Yeah. You know, one of the things that I have read is that you said that the question that haunted you the most for a while is, who am I? How do you answer that question? Now?
- [67:23]
Monrovia
I would say I am John Jay Monrovia, son of Maria, from Liberia, West Africa. Yeah, that's how I'd answer that.
- [67:36]
Mel Robbins
How does it feel to say that?
- [67:38]
Monrovia
It's beautiful. Yeah. Absolutely beautiful.
- [67:42]
Mel Robbins
And could you speak directly to the person listening who feels like, I don't know who I am, I don't know if I belong, and they're starting to. Or wanting to, or feel inspired to build their sense of identity, to claim the gift of it?
- [68:03]
Monrovia
Yeah. If you stop now, you'll never know the groups of people that are waiting to bring you into that fold. That or, you know, the lives that you're going to impact in this life, on this journey. If you had no one tell you this, I'm going to repeat it again, but you're meant to be here. And it starts with you believing that every day. And then the world opens up and different things start to take form, and you're led to a place of belonging because you didn't stop believing that you were meant to be. And I think the belief portion is the most important aspect. And so I believe that you're meant to be here, and I hope you continue. And that's. I wish people said that every day to each other, best friends, lovers, everybody. It needs to be a reminder. It's so easy to forget because of all the different hardships that life brings at you.
- [69:04]
Mel Robbins
So if the person listening takes just one thing from all of the wisdom, all of the lessons that you have distilled down as we've talked about your life, we've talked about the things that you're doing with your music, what would you hope that one takeaway would be?
- [69:26]
Monrovia
That your life is a gift and for you to live in that freedom with your choices and. And in that, just, you know, not be afraid to pour all the love you can into your. Into the experience that you have, regardless of the hurt and pain that may come because of the giving of the. Because of the giving of it. Yeah. Pour all the love you can into your. Into this life that you have, because it's yours.
- [69:57]
Mel Robbins
You have a song with that title.
- [69:58]
Monrovia
Oh, no, I don't. I should. Huh?
- [70:01]
Mel Robbins
I think you should. I think you should.
- [70:04]
Monrovia
And also, you have your own. And I think about something, because you just brought up a song. A song. But those who are, you know, for My friends who are in that place of suffering, or like we talked about earlier, falling in love with that suffering. The song Crooked the Road, it used to be called Crooked the road. And the one driving. That's what I called it because for a long time I blamed the road. And we all do that at some point. We find excuses to go. It's because of how I was born. Or. And again, these things still hold weight. But the one driving you, you are the one that has autonomy. You can always choose a different path, a different way. And sometimes you have to look at yourself on the road, on the journey, and realize, I can take that other turn. My bandmate Sam, he had this first hook to the song just if you're leaving, no, I'll stay behind the telephone line. And that's what. And he brought that to the studio with us, and we were in Chicago and we started talking about, you know, where this song could go. We loved the hook. The chorus was just so beautiful. That line of staying beside someone through everything. The song really is about leaving your suffering. Because I write this song about the place I'm at on Lookout Mountain, where I'm not noticing anybody or the hands. And that song says that if I grab it, know that I care. Because darkness doesn't look. Look good on you. Another thing we do is we don't want people to help because we fear our darkness going to them. Them being engulfed by how much weak we are. And so we push them away. And so crook of the road is. Is. Is about. That is about accepting help. And the person standing by the telephone line are the people that we exactly talked about earlier that. That want to see you better, that are. That are the helpers. Look to the helpers.
- [72:02]
Mel Robbins
We know this, Mr. Rogers.
- [72:04]
Monrovia
Yeah.
- [72:05]
Mel Robbins
You know, I know you're in Boston not only for the Mel Robbins podcast, but because you are one of the headliners at Boston Calling massive concert this weekend.
- [72:14]
Monrovia
Can't wait.
- [72:14]
Mel Robbins
Which I know means you also have your ukulele.
- [72:18]
Monrovia
I do, yes.
- [72:19]
Mel Robbins
Would you play that song for us?
- [72:21]
Monrovia
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, gladly.
- [72:23]
Mel Robbins
Let's get the ukulele.
- [72:24]
Monrovia
Let's. Sounds good.
- [72:26]
Mel Robbins
You know, as soon as you got up to go get your ukulele, the door to the studio open. Everybody that's in the studio today came running in here. We now have an audience. I am so excited. I have loved being with you. I'm so excited to hear you play live, and I'm so proud of you.
- [72:44]
Monrovia
Thank you.
- [72:46]
Mel Robbins
I don't know why I'm gonna cry, but I'm So proud of you.
- [72:48]
Monrovia
It means a lot. Thank you.
- [72:50]
Mel Robbins
I feel like I'm getting my own private tour experience right here. But I just wanna say selling out all over the place and I know big things are happening and something. I have a feeling big is going to be happening this fall. We're going to be on the lookout because anywhere you are, Monrovia is a place for gathering for us all.
- [73:12]
Monrovia
Thank you. Wow. Thank you so much. That means more than you know. This song is called Crooked the Road and it's about leaving your suffering behind and noticing how those that want to help. Crooked the road and the one driving 25 years I know you've been unraveling Tell me why did you run? Run past the dogs and the horse now you find yourself here Pass the dues and don't serve your choices but if you're leaving no, I'll stay Beside that telephone line and tomorrow we might steal the sun from underneath our eyes Tennis court When now it's yours Late night Releasing Sacred floors Got me believing a little more that this pain will run its course in the morning I saw you there holding out your hand if I grab it, know that I care Cause darkness don't look good but if you're leaving no, I'll stay beside that telephone line and tomorrow we might steal the sun from underneath our eyes Last day break sorrow But I still feel the edge of this cold night but next to you I lay softly on this heart ground but next to you I lay softly on this hard ground. Thank you so much. Yeah, that's it.
- [76:58]
Mel Robbins
Wow.
- [76:58]
Monrovia
Thank you.
- [76:59]
Mel Robbins
How did it feel to play that? Like, what's that like for you? Especially after sharing so much about your life and the meaning behind that song.
- [77:12]
Monrovia
It's nice after those conversations because it just makes the. It keeps the story's, you know, I think, meaningful to me because over time I was always worrying about. I just don't want any of the songs and lyrics to never mean what they were to me when I wrote the song because you can play them so much, it shows you can you get into a rhythm of just saying the same things or whatever. And so that song means a lot to me. Takes me right back. And thank you so much for letting me play it.
- [77:41]
Mel Robbins
Thank you. Thank you for everything. Thank you for being here. I'm so proud of you. Congratulations on all of your success. I think you are at the very, very, very beginning of a massive, as you call it, art of continuing and a beautiful career and a huge difference that you're gonna make and I am just grateful that you accepted the gift of your life and that you are now sharing it with us. Thank you.
- [78:10]
Monrovia
Thank you.
- [78:13]
Mel Robbins
And I also wanna thank you. Thank you for taking the time to listen to this, to watch this, to share this with people that you care about. And I wanted to be sure to tell you, in case no one else does, that I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And there is no doubt in my mind that if you listen closely and truly take to heart everything that Monrovia shared with you today, that you are meant to be here, that there is a huge possibility for your life. Just keep on continuing on, and you will figure out what that possibility is that is meant for you. I truly believe that. Alrighty. I'll be waiting for you in the very next episode. I'll welcome you in the moment you hit play. I'll see you there. Have fun. Oh, we're gonna have a lot of fun.
- [79:14]
Monrovia
Yeah. This is awesome.
- [79:16]
Mel Robbins
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
- [79:17]
Monrovia
5, 4, 3, two, one.
- [79:18]
Mel Robbins
Let him say whatever he wants to say.
- [79:19]
Monrovia
Okay.
- [79:19]
Mel Robbins
Thank you. Do you prefer Mon Monrovia? What do you prefer?
- [79:23]
Monrovia
Yeah, you can call me Mon.
- [79:24]
Mel Robbins
You and I are gonna be swept away not only by his story, but by his humility, his compassion, and the mesh and the message.
- [79:33]
Monrovia
Oh, it went back the way. Sorry.
- [79:34]
Mel Robbins
Oh, you can do whatever you want. Did I get the tour the right. Did I call it the right way?
- [79:38]
Monrovia
You did. That was poetry. That was beautiful. Thank you, guys. Wow. Thank you so much. This is awesome. I hope I come back sometime to visit y' all. Yeah.
- [79:48]
Mel Robbins
Okay, that's a wrap. Great job and great job this week. Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode. Stitcher.
- [80:33]
Monrovia
At Capella University, you can learn at your own pace with our flexpath learning format. Take one or two courses at a.
- [80:41]
Mel Robbins
Time and complete as many as you.
- [80:42]
Monrovia
Can in a 12 week billing session.
- [80:44]
Mel Robbins
With Flexpath, you can finish the bachelor's.
- [80:47]
Monrovia
Degree you started in 19 months and under $19,000. A different future is closer than you.
- [80:53]
Mel Robbins
Think with Capella University.
- [80:55]
Monrovia
Learn more at capella.edu. fastest 25% of students. Cost varies by pace, transfer credits and other factors.
- [81:03]
Mel Robbins
Fees apply.
- [81:05]
Monrovia
I've never felt like this before. It's like you just get me. I feel like my true self with you.
- [81:13]
Mel Robbins
Does that sound crazy?
- [81:15]
Monrovia
And it doesn't hurt that you're gorgeous. Okay, that's it. I'm taking you home with me. I mean, you can't find shoes this good just anywhere.
- [81:26]
Mel Robbins
Find a shoe for every you from.
- [81:28]
Monrovia
Brands you love, like Birkenstock, Nike, Adidas.
- [81:31]
Mel Robbins
And more at your DSW store or dsw dot com.