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Mel Robbins (3:20)

Hey, it's your friend Mel. And welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am so excited for the topic today. I'm so excited that you're here with me. First of all, it's always such an honor to spend time with you and to be together. And if you're a new listener, I just wanted to take a moment and personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. I am so glad you're here because you made the time to listen to this particular episode about decision making and intuition. Here's what I know about you. I know you're the type of person who not only values your time, but you're also interested in learning how to trust yourself, how to trust your intuition, and how to be more decisive and confident in the decisions that you're making every single day. And I love that. And if you're listening to this because somebody sent this to you, here's what I wanna point out to you. First of all, I think it's really cool that somebody sent this to you because it probably means that you have a big decision that you need to make and maybe you're grappling with it, or maybe you're just the kind of person that overthinks everything and you're sick of it. And you'd love to be more confident and decisive in your life. Well, that's exactly what you're going to get by listening to this or watching this episode. Today. You're gonna learn about the science of decision making. You're gonna learn about intuition. You're gonna feel and become more decisive. I want that for you. I love that people in your life care about you enough to send this to you. That is so cool, because today I'm gonna teach you a Very simple framework that I had to develop for myself in order to stop being so damn indecisive. I know, I know today I'm probably one of the most you'll ever meet, but I've learned that as a skill. I've had to learn how to trust my gut, full stop. I wasn't always this way. I mean, being decisive, learning how to trust your intuition. It's a skill. And today I'm gonna teach you the tricks, the tools, the frameworks that I've used in order to become more confident in my decisions. And I wanna preview for you what we're gonna cover today because there are four specific topics that I've broken this into that are gonna truly help you learn how to trust your gut and become more decisive. So first, we're gonna cover the topic of intuition. What is it? How does it work? Why should you trust it? And honestly, I love this topic because the science here is fascinating. And it's also going to help you trust what your gut and intuition is saying when you understand how it works. Second topic we're gonna cover is understanding the difference between moments where make the gut decision, follow your intuition, don't even second guess it, versus those moments where you should pause and think through the pros and the cons and the implications of a decision before you just make it. The third topic we're going to cover is moments where you have a decision to make but you feel conflicted. I'm talking breakups, leaving jobs, telling the truth. Ugh. Owning up to what you've done wrong. Ugh. Talk about conflicted. Oh, my gosh. You know, for those moments in life, you need a framework that anchors you and holds your hand and helps you unlock the courage that you're gonna need in order to do the right thing and follow through with the decision that you know you need to make. And finally, I'm gonna teach you one of the most important things I've ever learned. There are no bad decisions when you understand the power of. Of the decisions that you make. See, part of making a decision is trusting your ability to handle whatever comes with it. That's why I believe you're one decision away from a better life. Because a decision turns your life in a different direction. And you know this. You felt the power that a single decision can make in your life. In fact, I want you to think back to some of the decisions that you've made in your life that changed your life and pointed you in a whole new direction. I mean, maybe you decided to go to college Far away from where you grew up. And that experience completely changed who you are. It changed perhaps where you lived for the rest of your life. That happened to me. Maybe going to one party on a random Thursday, your gut just said I should just get out of the house and go. You walked in the door, you met the love of your life. That's a decision that changed your life. Maybe quitting that job that used to drain you, quitting it. That decision led you to find your dream career. You wouldn't be there without quitting that other job. Maybe going gluten free or giving up alcohol or quitting your vaping habit completely changed your health. I mean, every single day, just stop and think about this. You make thousands of decisions. So do I. Some studies estimate that you make up to 35,000 of them. That's kind of incredible, isn't it? Just consider. One decision that you make today has the potential to change the rest of your life. But when you don't know how to trust yourself, here's what happens. You question every decision. And that can make you stay stuck in the same patterns, in the same place and around the same types of people for decades. I mean, you're literally putting the potential for your life, that beautiful future that you want to build for yourself, on hold when you question the decisions you need to make. So before you and I jump into the four things that you're going to learn today about intuition and the difference between thinking through a decision and going with your gut and what to do when you feel conflicted, I want you to take a moment and I want you to get selfish. You're listening to this for a reason. So think about a decision that you may be grappling with right now. Go ahead. Just think about it. What's a decision that you're overthinking or that you're avoiding or that you're questioning? Maybe it's whether you should move out of your apartment with your roommates and live on your own for the very first time. Or maybe you're questioning whether or not you should divorce your spouse of 20 plus years. Maybe you're wondering if now's the time to get a pet now that the kids have moved out of the house. But do you want to be tied down? Is that what you really want? I don't know. Are you questioning whether you should go back to grad school to become a therapist or a nurse because that's what you've always wanted to do. Or maybe you've been thinking about a decision you really want to put yourself out there in a bigger way by becoming an influencer or starting a YouTube channel. Or maybe you want to be using social media not for your personal life, but to market your business. But when you really think about putting yourself out there, you're like, ah, I don't know, you just start to doubt yourself, and next thing you know, you're not doing anything. Really think about this. What's a decision that you've been really considering and thinking about and questioning and maybe putting off? Are you thinking about moving? Maybe you're frustrated and so you want to get more involved in politics or just be more vocal about your opinion? Have you been thinking about reaching out to someone in your family that you're kind of estranged from or angry with? And you've been putting it off? That's a decision to put it off or to pick up the phone? Just really hold onto that. Because as you and I go through each of the four things that we're gonna talk about today, I want you to hold onto this decision and use what you're learning to help you be decisive. And here's the thing about this topic. I'm so fired up to talk about this, and I'm so excited that you're interested in this, because learning how to trust yourself, learning how to become more decisive, learning how to assure yourself that no matter what decision that you make, if you have the courage to make a decision, you're gonna be okay. Holy cow. This is the key to everything. Because every decision you make is like this little fork in the road where you get to choose. Am I staying the same, or am I gonna lead myself to a better future? I mean, remember, your friend Mel Robbins says, nobody's coming. Every single decision opens the door to a different possibility. And I want you to really think about the power of every decision you make. I mean, every day you decide, am I gonna wake up an hour earlier like I said I would and get myself to the gym or not? Should I have that cookie at work or not? What movie should I watch tonight? What should I have for dinner? What outfit should I wear to work? What shoes? Now, look, it may seem silly. You're like, oh, for God's sakes, Mel, come on. It's not silly at all. Everything, I mean everything about where you are in your life right now, every aspect of your life, is in large part a result of your past decisions. And more importantly, this is what I want you to really consider. Who you're going to be in the future. Every aspect of who you become from how much money you have to what your relationships are like, to what your friend groups are like, to what your health is like. How you spend your days is 100% a result of the decisions you make today. That's how powerful your decisions are. If you want to be the kind of person that's healthy, you need to make decisions that a healthy person makes. If you want to be the kind of person who has a lot of money, starting today, you got to make the kind of decisions that a person who's financially responsible makes. If you want to be the kind of person that owns their own business or has a better friend group or sells their art, starting today, you, through the power of your decisions, can become that person. Every single choice you make has power. I just love this topic. But here's the thing, though. Right now, you're probably like I used to be. You're not even aware of the decisions that you're making. You're just sort of like on autopilot. That's how I was. I was making decisions without even understanding how your brain and your body and your nervous system processes the options that are in front of you all day long. And if you're on autopilot like I used to be, oh, hit the snooze button. Just shove this in my mouth. Just go to work and complain about my job. Oh, my gosh. What happens is your decisions just run on repeat, and then past decisions dictate your present and future. I'm going to give you an example. Let's say deep in your gut, you've been saying yourself, I got to quit vaping. I've just got to quit vaping. Every day, all day long, you actually have a decision to make. Are you gonna just throw that vape out and all the cartridges and go cold turkey? Or are you going to say to yourself, well, you know, I've tried to quit before, and it's never really worked. And so then you make a decision. I'm just gonna reach for the vape again and take a puff, and I'll do that tomorrow. That's a decision. Anybody who's gotten sober or ended a relationship or quit a job or turn their life around will tell you that one decision will change your life. That's what we're talking about today. Aren't you tired of holding yourself back? Aren't you tired of doubting yourself? Don't you want to be more decisive? Isn't it exhausting to constantly question yourself? Don't you want to trust your intuition and your gut and know that no matter what, you're going to be okay. Of course you do. That's why you're listening to this right now. And so congratulations, because you've already proven you can make great decisions. You press play. You made a decision to find the time to be here today to learn more about how to be more decisive. That's so freaking cool. So whatever it is that you've been putting off or questioning, just keep it front and center as we go step by step through the four things that I'm going to teach you today. And I'm going to share a little bit with you. Just quickly. I have a decision that I'm noodling right now and it's a big decision about something related to my business. It seems like a great opportunity, but I don't know that I want to do the opportunity. So I'm right there with you. I've got this thing, I'm at a fork in the road. There are pros, there are cons. I'm questioning, I'm doubting, I'm overthinking. And so I'm going to be using this framework too. And I want you to keep your decision right in mind. Be selfish as hell today, okay? Are you breaking up? Are you putting yourself back out there? Are you moving? Are you signing up for that art class? Are you changing your major? Are you going to finally have that conversation? Are you going to dust off your resume and actually do what you said you were going to do? Are you going to go find the funding for your. What are you doing? Keep it front and center. Because you and I are going to walk through a step by step approach that is going to move your life forward and put an end to the standstill that you've trapped yourself in. All right, so let's talk about intuition. For a long time I didn't actually understand the physiology, the neurology, the science of how your mind, body, nervous system is all connected and how it is your intuition. It's like this inner compass, this intelligent design that you were born with that is in place in your body and that works in such magnificent ways and it is there to help you navigate your day to day decisions. It is there just like a gps, helping you make the right and left turns all day long. And if you understand what your intuition is, what a gut decision is, what it's trying to do, how it's trying to help you. Holy cow. Tapping into your intuition as a decision making tool, it's gonna help you stay connected to your big dreams. It's gonna help you stay grounded in your values. Those dreams that you have, those kind of things that are pulling you toward a bigger future, those things that you think about that never quite disappear. They start to act like this future destination that becomes clearer and clearer. And your intuition and your gut is helping you navigate your way to it. Your internal compass, that intuition and gut decision making that you have within you, it is programmed there for a reason. It uses the exact same scientific principles that explain why a traditional compass works. So, for example, a traditional compass has a magnet inside it. And that magnet, what is it doing when it points true north? It's just responding to the magnetic energy of the earth. Your compass, your intuition, it works the exact same way as a traditional compass. It reads magnetic energy all around you. I want you to stop and think about this, because when you really tune into your intuition, you can feel it pulling you toward things. And you can also immediately feel it pushing you away from people that have bad energy. Right? You've walked into a room and you immediately feel like the vibe is off with somebody. You're like, ooh, avoid that person. You don't even have to talk to them. That's your intuition. That's your internal compass. See, your compass is constantly reading not only your energy, but all of the energy around you. And that is happening in life and with other people. And that compass then pulls in all the energy around you and then attunes it to whether or not it's in alignment with you, that's your true north, or, whoa, there's a person with really awful energy. Let's cross the street. Your intuition is part of this complex intelligent design system that I want you to trust. I want you to use it. It has been fashioned by your DNA. It is hardwired in you from your birth. It's been using programming from your life experience, from your gut, from your brain, and from your heart. And all you need to do in order to be more decisive and to start trusting yourself is to learn how it works and to start paying attention to the signals in your own mind, in your own body, and your own spirit. Because I'm telling you, the signals are there, and they're there all day long. And this is why I also am gonna continue to remind you, you already know the best decision for you. You already know the right thing to do. The problem isn't knowing what to do. It's finding the courage to make yourself do it. And once you really embrace the truth of what intuition is and you recognize this intelligent system inside you that has been communicating with you since you were born. You are now going to know what you need to do in any single situation. How freaking cool is that? All of the angst, all the negative energy, all of that resistance and overthinking, it's unnecessary because your compass is already telling you that your life is either headed in the wrong direction or it's headed in the right direction. So let's hit pause and give our amazing sponsors a chance to share a few words with you. And while you're listening, share this episode with people that you care about. Anybody in your life that's got a big decision or they overthink everything or they need to learn to trust their gut. This conversation, seriously, it could change your life. Alrighty. Don't go anywhere. I'll be waiting for you after this short break. Stay with me.

John Gabris (21:25)

Adam Pally here.

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Mel Robbins (22:48)

Welcome back. It's your buddy, Mel Robbins. Today, you and I are digging into the fundamentals about being more decisive, learning how to trust your gut, and being confident in the decisions that you make every day. So let's talk about what does it feel like if you're headed in the wrong direction? When you're headed in the wrong direction in your life, you feel it. You feel stuck, you feel frustrated, you feel sad, you feel disconnected. You feel like you're on autopilot. You feel like things are mund how you're supposed to feel in your life. That's why I say feeling stuck is actually a good thing. It's a signal that you're headed in the wrong direction. It's a signal that your compass is going, ding, ding, ding. Wake up. You got to turn towards something new. Ding, ding, ding. You got to feel alive again. Ding, ding, ding. This relationship blows. We either got to work on it or you got to get out of here. So being stuck, being frustrated, being disconnected, these are all just signs that your life and the way that you're living it is no longer aligned with where you're supposed to go. It's a directional signal. Isn't that kind of cool? Doesn't mean you're indicted to stay there. And now that you understand that you are designed to be moving in a direction that feels true north and in alignment for you, it's super cool to tune into this inner compass and GPS system. And I'm going to give you a few examples, and these are what I call you just so knew it moments. Have you ever had one of those? Of course you have. It's one of these split second moments where you just knew it and you didn't question it. And you turned and leaned toward what your intuition was telling you. You didn't even really think about it. You just knew. For example, you walk into a train car or into a bar and the first person you lay eyes on, the love of your life. That's what happened to me. It was actually the voice. I was standing at a bar in New York City in 1994, and I was ordering a bourbon on the rocks to go. I wanted the bartender to put it in a plastic cup so I could sneak out of the bar. And from behind me, I heard, that sounds great. Make it to. And I turned around and laid eyes on Christopher Robbins. I just knew. You know, I've had a couple of these moments in my life where I just knew something was wrong. My intuition, my compass knew before my mind could make sense of it. One example in my life is when our son Oakley was born. He came home from the hospital and everything seemed fine, except for one thing. We couldn't get him to eat. And I just knew something was wrong and yet my mind couldn't make sense of it. I literally kept going back to the pediatrician every single day. Mark, something's wrong. Mark, something's wrong. Mark, something wrong. I had known him at that point for 11 years. Mark, something's wrong. Something's wrong. I just know it. I just know it. I just know it. We didn't know what was wrong. We didn't know what was wrong. And then all of a sudden, five days later, boom. The you know what hit the fan. And Oakley is being medevaced downtown to Mass General Brigham Hospital. And they told us they weren't sure he was gonna make it. It turned out that he had had Hirschsprung's disease, which is an extraordinarily rare disease impacting the intestines. And it had gotten so bad over those six days that he was ready to literally rupture, which would have killed him. He would have died of septic shock. And I just knew something was wrong, even though we didn't even get that diagnosis for another week or two. I'll give you another example. Day one of my job working for a corporate law firm, 1998. I knew it was the wrong job. I knew it. I absolutely knew it. I felt in my gut like I was dying as I walked into that law firm every day. But I couldn't make sense of how to actually change my career. I couldn't make sense in my mind how I was gonna pay my bills. I couldn't make sense of what I was gonna do. I had just gone to law school. I had spent three years being a public defender. I can't change my career now. So I'm telling you these examples, because these are examples where you didn't need to know. You didn't need to make sense of it. Your intuition knew because it always knows, because it is uniquely intelligently designed to align with the truth for you. So now that we've covered intuition, I wanna briefly talk about this second topic, which is there are two different ways to make decisions. And there are going to be times in life where just go with your gut and just make the decision immediately right now. And then there are gonna be those times where even though you know what your gut is saying, and the way that you figure that out is just get quiet, drop out of your head, drop into your body, and feel what the decision feels like. If you feel yourself dreading it, if you feel yourself depleted, if you feel yourself shrinking and constricted, that's not aligned with you. If you think about the decision and you imagine the possibility of it and something opens up, you feel slightly energized. Even if it scares you a little bit, that's something that's aligned with you. That means it is for you. It feels a certain way and in order to tease this out, because this gets very confusing, I want to talk about those decisions where you feel very conflicted and when you need to use your gut and when you are going to use your head and your thinking skills to act out the decision. Because there's a big difference when you're making a decision between what you need to do versus when and how you're going to do it. And that's what you need to remember. When you feel very conflicted about the decision, you're going to use your gut to determine what you need to do. Because as we've just laid out, your intuition is part of your intelligent design. Your intuition, when you quiet your emotions and you tune into it, is telling you exactly what you need to do. But that is very different than when you're going to make the decision and how you're gonna tell people. And that's where you use your brain. Okay? And I'm gonna give you a just agonizing example of what I'm talking about. And it comes from one of your fellow listeners who wrote to me, and I'm gonna read to you the decision that this person needs to make. I write about this in the Let Them theory book. This is chapter eight, and I love the title of this chapter. Are you ready? The right decision often feels wrong. And that's a really important thing to understand that there is a difference between the decision that you need to make and how it's going to feel when you tell people the decision. And learning how to separate the decision making process, which is what is the right thing for me, from the telling the decision to other people process is critical because again, I'm gonna tell you something. You know, the right decision, you're just afraid to make it. And you're afraid to make it because you're worried about what other people are gonna think. You're worried about other people's expectations. You're worried about dealing with other people's emotions. That's why decision making is difficult. That's why you're not trusting your gut. It's not about the truth. It's about the aftermath of telling the truth. And that's exactly what our listener was talking about. So this listener writes to me, mel, I'm engaged and soon to be married. The wedding is a few weeks away, and I know this should be one of the happiest moments of my life, but it's not. The closer we get to the wedding, the more my fiance and I are fighting. I can't stop shaking this feeling of Dread. Deep down, I'm afraid I'm making a huge mistake. I don't know what to do. The invitations are out. My parents and hers have already put down the deposits for everything. I don't want to disappoint my family. I don't want my parents to lose their money. I don't want to break my fiance's heart. I don't want her parents and everyone else we know to be mad at me. How do I call this off? I mean, just reading that question, I mean, can't you feel your heart seize? Of course it's seizing. Because when the stakes are that high, the right answer always feels wrong. I want you to stop and think. If the groom were sitting across from you, what would you tell the groom to do? He says, I can't stop shaking. This feeling of dread. Deep down, I'm afraid I'm making a huge mistake. Isn't it true that it's so easy to say and to see that on the surface the answer is actually simple? He should call it off. I mean, if you're dreading the wedding, you're making a mistake. I mean, you know that. I know that if you can't stop thinking about calling it off, then you should. But here's why. Decision making is hard. Even when the right decision seems clear, it doesn't always mean it's an easy decision to make. Why? Well, that's because the human experience is largely an emotional one. And what seems logical, when you drop into your gut and you imagine. Because here's how you would use your inner compass, right? I think about these moments where you feel conflicted. Like driving through a blinding rainstorm. The GPS is on, but because of the rainstorm, you can't see more than 20ft ahead of you. But you trust the GPS, don't you? Of course you do. And so you just keep moving forward through the storm. Your emotions are the storm. And what happens for all of us, it happens for me. I mean, my God, the emotion is what has kept me in relationships too long. It's kept me from apologizing. Apologizing or owning up to my behavior. It's kept me from making decisions that work for me because I'm afraid I'm going to upset other people. Emotions, the storms that you feel as you're following your own gps, those are going to be there. You have to learn how to navigate through them. See, too often in life when you're in this kind of dilemma, you choose to inflict pain on yourself instead of making a decision that you know is the right one for you, but it might be painful for other people to accept. I mean, let's be honest with each other. The groom who wrote in, he already knows what he needs to do. See, I think anytime anybody writes and asks for advice on what decision to make, you know what decision you need to make. You're not actually asking for help making a decision. What you're asking for is courage. You're asking for reassurance. You're asking for help in handling the emotions and the guilt and the dread that you feel, knowing that the decision that you need to make is gonna hurt other people or it's gonna turn your life upside down or it's gonna lead to something that could be exciting, but it could also not work. And what I want you to understand is agonizing and questioning a difficult decision like this. That's a mentally healthy response to a difficult situation. There's nothing easy about this situation. Nobody takes pleasure in making a hard decision. I mean, the fact that this guy is worried about the other people is a sign that he's a really good person. That doesn't mean he should get married to somebody he doesn't want to marry. And I want to remind you, there are going to be times in your life when people are going to be mad or disappointed or heartbroken by the things that you say or do and the decisions that you make, there just will be. And that's why understanding that there's a difference between what you need to do and how and when you do it, that's the art of decision making. This is a great moment to hit pause and give our sponsors a chance to share a few words. I also want to give you a chance to share this with people that you care about. Being decisive is a skill. Learning how to listen to your intuition is something we all need to do. And sharing this episode with people that you care about could absolutely change the trajectory of their life. So thank you for taking the time to do that. Don't go anywhere. We have so much more to talk about, and we're going to jump right back into it after this short break, so stay with me.

Adam Pally (36:22)

Adam Pali here, and I'm John Gabris.

John Gabris (36:24)

We're a couple actors and best friends who you may know as the host of the TV show 101 Places to Party before you die.

Adam Pally (36:29)

Now we're bringing you a comedic look at health and wellness with our new show, staying alive.

John Gabris (36:34)

We'll have guests like our friend, actor.

Adam Pally (36:36)

Jerry O'Connell, ketamine therapist, Dr. Steven Radowitz.

John Gabris (36:39)

Paul Scheer, Ego Wodem, Gillian Bell, Dr.

Adam Pally (36:42)

Dolittle, staying alive with John Gabris and Adam Pali is out right now.

John Gabris (36:48)

Get them a week early and ad free with SiriusXM podcast plus on Apple Podcasts.

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Mel Robbins (37:22)

To use at Capella University. Learning online doesn't mean learning alone. You'll get dedicated support from people who care about your success. A different future is closer than you think with Capella University. Learn more at capella. Edu. Welcome back. It's your buddy, Mel Robbins. I'm so thrilled you are still here listening and learning about the skill of decision making. As I always say, you are one decision away from a different life. And taking the time to share this with somebody that you care about is a decision that you made that will change someone else's life. So thank you for doing that. Now, one thing I wanna say about the difference between decisions where you're just gonna go for it and trust your gut and those decisions where you're gonna hit the pause button, you're gonna travel upstairs, and you're gonna use your brain to make a plan is that this is super important. And the reason why this is important is because there's a lot of research about how your emotions impact your decision making in really negative ways. You know, I'm looking at some studies here that I wanted to talk to you about. And there's very interesting research from neuroscientists, of course, about the various parts of the brain that you use and the different ways that people make decisions. But that gets so complicated that I'm just trying to boil it down for you in simple terms so you can actually walk away from this conversation and apply everything you're learning. And so if you look at what we've discussed so far, which is why you should trust your intuition and your intelligent design in gut decision making. It is important for you to understand that you have to settle your emotions first. Because what's interesting is that there's very, very clear research that your brain weighs your emotional state when it's weighing whether or not a decision is a good one or bad one. And this is important to understand because when you're stressed out or fearful. Research shows you just choose the path of least resistance. You do what you've always done. You avoid the decision. And you and I have both done that. How many times have you put off quitting a job or having the conversation or heck, even going to the gym because you feel sad or you feel too stressed out to go? That's an example of how your emotions are impacting decisions in the moment. It's helpful for me to think about the fact that I know the truth of what I need to do. In my gut, my emotions have a point of view about whether or not I feel like doing it. We're just gonna ignore that. And you can ladder up to your brain to help you make a plan. And I wanna remind you, making no decision is a decision because you're deciding to stay exactly where you are and ignore what your intuition is telling you. You're deciding to accept less than you deserve and delay making the changes that will bring you happiness and more satisfaction in your life. Those are decisions, and you need to wake up and recognize that you're making them. Just imagine yourself a year from now. You're in the marriage, you're in the job. You still live in the same place. You haven't moved mom to the nursing home. You are still paying for your adult kid even though nothing's changed and you resent him for it. When you close your eyes and you drop into your gut and you really read the navigation. If I point myself toward a future where I do nothing, oh my God, how do you feel? If you feel your chest tighten, if you feel dread, if you feel your energy drain, oh my God, do not go in that direction. Do not get married. Do not avoid the decision with your mom in a nursing home. Do not stay in med school. Do not avoid applying for nursing school. This go around because a year from now, you know that your chest is tightening and you feel depleted if you're not in school. And then point yourself in the other direction a year from now, if you're not married, if you dropped out of medical school, if you are in nursing school, if you stop financing your adult kid's life and they got their act together, how do you feel now? If you started that YouTube channel today, if you started marketing your business, if you ended the how do you feel now? And if you all of a sudden feel things open up and you feel expansion and you feel a little bit of energy, even if it scares you, that is true north. That's what aligns with you. That's what you need to do. Now we travel upstairs as the gut chit chats to the brain and we ask ourselves, okay, I know what I need to do. When is the right time to make this decision? How is the right way to communicate this decision and to whom? And then you make a plan and that's what you use your brain for. See, in life the most courageous, honorable and kind thing to do is to tell someone when you realize you don't want to be with them. It's hard to be honest, especially when it's going to hurt other people. You know, the let them theory has really helped me change this in myself. I used to either avoid conversations or over explain everything or like overthink things or delay the decisions I needed to make because I was afraid someone would get upset with me or they think I was a bad person and all it did was create more anxiety for me. Learning to let them be upset. Let them be confused by your decision. Let them react to your decision. Don't be afraid of what people are going to think when you make the right decision. For you. This has been all life altering and I promise you, you're going to experience that power. 2. I don't think you have a problem knowing what you need to do. I think you have a problem doing what you need to do because you feel a ton of conflict about how someone else is going to feel about it. And when you realize that you can navigate those kinds of storms by following your GPS and then using your brain to figure out the best way to communicate the decision, the best timing and the most responsible timing to do it, like quitting your job. Don't just do that immediately. You need to use your brain to make a plan and make sure you have enough money and that you don't put yourself in a precarious situation. But you can know three to six months before you leave a job that you're actually leaving it. That's what you do with your intuition. What you do with your brain is to create a really smart plan to actually execute against it in a responsible and empowering way. See, the only conflict that you're going to feel now that you understand the power of how to make the right decision is that you're going to feel conflict internally about how your decision impacts other people and how they're going to react. This is why you stay in a marriage for a decade when you know you want it to end. This is why people stay in jobs for too long. It's why people pick majors and career paths and then stay in them because they're afraid of making a decision that is going to cause someone else to feel something. And if you understand that emotions are a normal part of your life, you're going to feel them. Other adults are going to feel the ups and downs. You can be more courageous. I don't want you making decisions with your emotions. I want you to make decisions based on the truth of your intuition, what feels aligned with you and the vision that you have for your life and the magnetic energy that pulls you towards it. And I want you to use your brain to make a plan for how to execute the decision in the most responsible and powerful way. When you do that, you will be one of the most decisive and powerful and unstoppable people on the fricking planet. That's how you use this science. And none of this is easy. I mean, there are plenty of decisions that have been difficult for me to make in my life that I've delayed six months, a year, two months. Heck, when our son wanted to move to Southern Vermont, my husband and our son moved up here for a year. I didn't go. I knew eventually that I would, but I wasn't ready. The when and the how for me took almost a year. And that's okay. And so there are gonna be decisions that you make immediately when this episode is over, and then there are gonna be those decisions that you're like, I know that what Mel's saying is right, and I know what my gut is telling me. And perhaps for the first time in my life, I understand why I need to trust it. And I also am gonna take a little pressure off because this is the kind of decision that needs some planning, and that's what I'm going to use my brain to do. And when you understand decision making in this context, that there's a difference between what you need to do and how. And when you do it now, you can leverage the full capacity of your gut, your heart, and your mind to align your life with what's meant for you, no matter how hard it is. And that brings me to the final point. I think one of the biggest obstacles to being more decisive in life is this fear that you're going to make the wrong decision. What if you trusted yourself enough to be able to handle the fallout of any decision that you made? What if, instead of fearing that you're going to make the wrong decision, you accepted the science of how intuition and how your internal GPS is helping you navigate, and you started to tune into what you know to be true, and you just separated the Truth from how and when you plan and you execute those decisions. You take a little bit of the pressure off, but you really triple down on the truth. Because it's easy to say, I don't know how to trust my God. I don't know how to listen to my intuition. I don't think that's true. I think you know exactly what your intuition is telling you. You just ignore it. And our conversation today is an invitation to really change the way you even talk about that. I know exactly what my intuition is telling me. I know exactly what my gut is telling me to do. I know exactly what the decision is. I'm just afraid to make it. I know exactly what I should do. I know when things feel off. I can read the energy of things. I know when I'm at a job or in a relationship or in a friend group or living in a place where it just starts to feel off. And I know I need to trust it. I'm working on how quickly I pivot and execute on that truth. When you look at decision making that way, that it's all just data. That what you can sense is what's true for you. And that even if you make a decision to get married or to change your careers or to move or to take on a new hobby or do whatever it is that you're going to do, when you make that decision and you truly believe that this is the right decision in the moment, it's never going to be the wrong decision. If you also say, no matter what, I trust in my ability to handle what comes next. Like, let's just take the example of me and the job. When I made the decision to get that job, it felt like the right decision. Cause I needed to pay my bills. And this was the first job offer that I had gotten when we had moved from New York City to Boston in 1998. So I was thrilled. It was the right decision because I needed to pay my bills. But when I walked into that office for the very first day in that high rise on High street in downtown Boston, I knew in my gut, oh, boy. Not the place for me. Do you see the power in telling yourself that there are no wrong decisions? Because every decision leads you somewhere else. I needed the money. And I also knew that I wasn't going to stay there for the rest of my life. And that's the directional signal that I needed for my internal navigation system, my intuition, my gut, to help me recognize I'm at a fork in the road. And for me personally, I sat at that Fork for another year, that's okay. And then I executed the plan to change my career entirely. So was that a wrong decision? Was it a bad decision? Did I fail? I don't think so. Just like a lot of the decisions that you've made, whether it's decisions to stay too long in a relationship, decisions not to change your marriage, decisions to move, to not move, all of those things are just data. Maybe you're the kind of person that has needed a lot of pain and frustration and struggle to finally wake the hell up and recognize that it's a lot easier to listen to what your gut is telling you than to ignore it. So all of those things that you think you may be screwed up, maybe it just led you right here. It led you and gave you exactly what you needed so that you could listen to this podcast episode today and say, you know what? Mel's right. I do know what's right for me. I do know what my gut is telling me. And what I'm gonna work on is the courage to trust it. To not only trust the decision, but to trust in myself and my ability to move through whatever happens when I make it. When you look at decision making that way, you're not only gonna be able to trust yourself faster and quicker and be more decisive, you're gonna feel more confident. Cause you're gonna know whatever comes in the wake of that decision, you, my friend, are gonna be okay. In fact, this conversation today, it's made me decide I'm gonna do this thing. I've been thinking about it and thinking about it and writing out the pros and cons on paper and talking to people and weighing it, not weighing it and stressing out about it. But based on everything we've talked about, it's pretty easy for me to cut through the negativity and the emotion and the fear and see that I actually do want to do this thing. And even if it doesn't work, I feel confident that I'm going to be proud of myself that I actually made the decision and I did it. I hope our conversation gave you the clarity and the tools and the frameworks that you need to cut through the emotion to drop into your intelligent design to figure out what the right next move is for you. And then recognize that there's so much value in traveling up to your brain and making a plan for how you're going to execute this decision when it's going to become a reality. When you do that. I promise you there are absolutely no bad decisions because you are aligning what you do with what is true for you. And only you know what the right thing is for you, because you now know that you're gonna feel it. Alrighty. I can't wait to hear what you do with this and what decisions you make. And in case no one else tells you, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you. And I believe in you. And I believe in your power to create a better life for real. Because now you know how to be more decisive, how to trust your gut, how to. How to follow your intuition, and how to unlock the courage to move your life in the direction that is meant for you. I'll see you in the very next episode. I'll be waiting to welcome you in the moment you hit play. Okay, great. Here we go. Okay, great. All right, ready? The one thing that I didn't do now that I understand the intuition is I didn't. I. The one thing I. Okay, I'll say. Okay. Oh, I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. Okay, here we go. We should put a piece of tape. Yeah, it's gonna swivel. Oh, baby, I love the swivel. Okay. Excuse me. Sorry. Let me just look it for my paint. I just wanna read this real quick so I know where I'm going. Sorry, guys. Oh, my God, this is so good. Oh, my God, it's so true. Okay, great. Great, great, great. Okay, great. See, I actually hate the term make a gut decision because. Hold on a second. Here we go. You're welcome. All right, let's eat something real quick. Thank you, guys. Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know, what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode. Stitcher.

John Gabris (54:36)

Adam Pally here.

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And I'm John Gabris.

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We're a couple actors and best friends who you may know as the host of the TV show 101 Places to Party before you die.

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Now we're bringing you a comedic look at health and wellness with our new show, staying Alive.

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We'll have guests like our friend, actor.

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Gerry O'Connell, ketamine therapist, Dr. Steven Radowitz, Paul Scheer, Ego Wodem, Gillian Bell, Dr. Dolittle, staying alive. With John Gabriel and Adam Pally is out right now.

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