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The Mel Robbins Podcast
What Matters Most in Life (In Memory of Judge Frank Caprio)
00:52:00
This episode will change both how you see your life – and how you live it. Today, in honor of Judge Frank Caprio, Mel is sharing this episode on the life lessons and wisdom that most people learn too late. This isn’t just a story about a remarkable man – it’s a masterclass in how to live. Judge Caprio was more than America’s most beloved judge. He was a father, husband, cancer fighter, and a global example of what it looked like to lead with compassion. His courtroom videos have been viewed more than 10 billion times. His kindness made him a viral sensation. Judge Caprio recently passed away, and this conversation was his last full interview. Today, it is part of the legacy he leaves behind. In this emotional and deeply inspiring episode, you’ll hear what Judge Caprio learned from 38 years on the bench and how he showed up with courage and gratitude in the face of terminal cancer. It struck a chord with listeners when it was first released, and now serves as a powerful tribut...
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- [00:00]
A
It's your friend, Mel. And welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Earlier this year, Judge Frank Caprio walked into our studios here in downtown Boston. I was so excited. I have admired him for decades. I knew he was someone special, and I knew this was going to be one of the most inspiring conversations I had had on this podcast. In case you don't know him, Judge Frank Caprio was known as America's nicest judge. And he built a life on compassion and became a viral sensation with millions of fans. But it wasn't until I met him in person that I realized just how truly special Judge Caprio really was. See, he knew what matters most in life. And every day, whether he was on television or he was online, he shared it with the world. That's why it's with a heavy heart that I share with you that Judge Caprio has passed away. After a long and courageous battle with pancreatic cancer. He appeared on this podcast in June for what would be his last in depth interview. So many of you reached out to tell me it was your favorite conversation that you've ever listened to on this podcast or anywhere else. And it almost didn't happen. See, just a few days before the recording, Judge Caprio had been in the hospital. His family, they weren't even sure he was going to make it. But like he had done so many times in life, he surprised everyone and he rallied. And even though he was facing something that most people can't even imagine, he was kind, funny, warm, thoughtful, humble, and generous with his time. In other words, he was himself. He said he knew how he was going to die. And he handled that knowledge with the same dignity and grace that made him a beloved star to millions of people around the world. The lessons he shared about how to live a good life and what's really important in the end are lessons everyone needs to hear and lessons that he shared as he knew that he was near the end of his life. So today, as a tribute, I want you to listen to the man himself. He is someone I will never forget. And if this is your first time meeting him, you're in for something unforgettable, too. I promise you, the time you spend with the one and only Judge Frank Caprio will not only lift you up, it will remind you of what truly matters in your life. Somehow, summer got busy. Too many plans, not enough actual summer. So trade expectations for exploration in a BMW. The BMW X3 is agile, sporty, and ready for spontaneous getaways. The BMW X5 plug in hybrid brings electric adaptability high revving power and space for all your just in case packing and the all electric BMW i4 ultra responsive with control you don't get anywhere else. Three BMWs all built for less stress and more drive. The BMW summer sales event is on now. Visit BMW USA.com to learn more. When was the last time you did something just for you? Not for work, not for other people, not for your to do list? 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For nearly 40 years, Judge Caprio proudly served as a municipal court judge in Providence, Rhode Island. But Judge Caprio, who recently passed away at 88 years old from pancreatic cancer, was so much more than a judge. He had compassion for the people who appeared in his courtroom. Compassion that you don't see a lot in today's world. His unusual approach landed him a reality TV series, Caught in Providence. The show ran for 20 years, first on local television and then in national syndication, earning four Emmy nominations. Clips of Judge Caprio's kindness have gone off the chart, viral. Billions of views from people all over the world. Earlier this year, he published a beautiful book about his life called Compassion in the Court. Life Changing Stories from America's Nicest Judge. But fame, it never changed him. He was always the same humble guy who grew up on Federal Hill, the son of an Italian immigrant who was a milkman. He was the first in his family to graduate from college, earning a bachelor's degree from Providence College and later a law degree from Suffolk University Law School. He worked as a lawyer, served as a city councilor and later found his true calling as a judge. In retirement, he faced a new challenge, a devastating pancreatic cancer diagnosis. But that didn't stop him from visiting the podcast just a few months ago. In fact, when he and his sons walked in here, his son pulled me aside and said, you know, my dad was in the hospital this weekend, and he told those nurses, hey, I got something really important I need to do. I gotta get outta here. He literally broke out of the hospital so he could be here with you and me. He came here to share with you the priceless wisdom he'd Learned in his 88 years. He wanted you to know what matters most in life. It is my absolute honor to share this episode once again so you can learn from the incredible Judge Frank Caprio. Listen, share this with people that you love, because my hope is that you'll let his legacy of love and kindness inspire how you live from this day forward. First of all, I gotta say, I am so excited, Judge Caprio, that you are here. It is an honor to meet you, you, Honor.
- [06:56]
B
Well, you have a pretty good reputation yourself.
- [06:59]
A
Well, that's a very, very kind thing to say, especially coming from somebody who's as respected as you are. Thank you.
- [07:06]
B
Thank you.
- [07:06]
A
You know, here's how I want to start. Judge Caprio, you are 88 years old. You have millions of followers on social media. So many of us were introduced to you because you were on television for 25 years. And bec. As America's nicest judge, what has 40 years on the bench and 88 years on this planet taught you about life?
- [07:29]
B
Help other people, lift other people, particularly the unfortunate, the disabled, those in need, the hungry. You know, doesn't take much. Sometimes it's just a matter of being nice and putting your hand on their shoulder and telling them that you believe in them. And if there's anything I could ever do to help you, like, let me know, you know, it's not a heavy lift at all for. For us. For them, it's like lifting a mountain, you know, but just letting them know that you care. It's not always giving. It's just giving of yourself. I always make the reference of put your hand on someone's shoulder, tell them you love them, tell them you believe in them, particularly your children and close associates and people who are in despair, who are going through crisis. Just let them know that you care. That you care. It's very so important.
- [08:30]
A
You know, I love that about you. You, as a judge and as a human being, always take a person's story into consideration. And I think it's remarkable. At the age of 88, you're a retired judge. You also are a bona fide social media phenomenon, and you are known as America's nicest judge. Why do you think it's important to be kind and nice to people?
- [09:00]
B
Because people look up to the judiciary sometimes in a way that's terrifying. And unfortunately, it's not nice for me to say this, but unfortunately, some judges put a robe on and, and they think it gives them the ability to take certain excesses that I don't appreciate or agree with. You know, I think that you have an obligation, though. You have that robe on, you know, and you have all of this authority, you know, and I always place myself in the shoes of the person before me. You know, it's a working guy with four kids. It's a mother, you know, it's. And they're trembling even. It doesn't make any difference who they are. They're trembling. They're before a judge. They don't know what's going to happen, you know, when the judge is up there. You know, many judges, they take themselves seriously. Oh, the robot. You know, I'm the boss here. And I mean, I never subscribed to that theory. You know, I always thought that you could be understanding and compassionate. It's very simple. It's what I was taught at my house. I was raised that way. My parents, you know, My father was one of 10, my mother was one of eight. I had 18 aunts and uncles. One was more compassionate than the other. The basic unit of society is the family unit, and everything springs from that.
- [10:27]
A
You know, one of the things that I also know about you is that you became famous and both beloved for giving people second chances. And so here you are, a judge, and you are usually working with people, or you're presiding over cases where people have parking fines, traffic violations. But you always sought to understand what was going on with somebody. Why do you believe people deserve second chances?
- [10:57]
B
Judge well, tell me, who doesn't need a second chance in life? In other words, go through your life and think of all those times that you were given a break or a second chance. It's just the words understanding and compassionate, you know, are not just words. They sound nice, say, oh, it's wonderful. He's compassionate. What does that mean? You know, it's the exercise of being compassionate and understanding. And it's very simple. I just put myself in the shoes of the person before me. You know, I had a difficult. That's not the Right word, but a very interesting bringing up. I came from a poor family, and we have stories about things that we couldn't have and places we went that people didn't think we belonged because we were poor and all of that. And my father was like a rock, you know, I'm a working man. And he'd wear his milkman uniform, you know, he didn't care. He'd wear it to a Christmas ball, you know. And it was brought up to always take other people into consideration.
- [12:08]
A
So what did you learn from your dad by riding on the milk truck and going on the delivery route?
- [12:15]
B
I learned how to treat people by my father's example. Know, my father was a very understanding person. One simple example is he was. He worked for a big company and they had a standard rule that if someone did not pay their milk bill after two weeks, you stop delivery. That was the company's policy. My father had his own policy. If they have children, he wasn't stopping the milk. He didn't care how far behind they were. As a matter of fact, my many times he'd put in back in those days, it was a lot of money. He put in a dollar or two toward their milk bill to tell us his superiors, they're making it an effort to pay, and they have children. And he stood them down. You know, a nice big sign on the truck, it says, no riders. You wasn't supposed to be on the truck unless you worked for the company. Except my brother and I, my father would wake us up. We were riders, you know, and carriers.
- [13:15]
A
Of the milk probably too. Right?
- [13:17]
B
Right.
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A
You write in your remarkable book, Compassion in the Court, about one of the most impactful moments in your life. You were in sixth grade, you were about to graduate, and something happened. Could you tell us that story?
- [13:32]
B
I'm not sure if they still do this, but when you left the sixth grade, you went to middle school, and it was a big deal. And we all had an autograph book, you know, and our friends would sign it. You know, if you're thirsty and you're near a spring, you know, all of that.
- [13:46]
A
All the funny stuff that kids write, right?
- [13:49]
B
So my father came home from work one day and he was tired, and he had his milkman uniform on, and he was reading the newspaper. And I had my autograph book. I had my mother sign the autograph book. First. I said, mom, you want to sign the book? She signed three pages.
- [14:05]
A
Love, Mom.
- [14:07]
B
I love you. So I asked my father, I said, dad, will you sign my book? And he. So he just reached for it. And he put it down and he just was staring at it for what seemed like a long time, probably a couple of minutes, trying to think of what he was going to say, you know, to his 12 year old son who's going to go to middle school. The street is wide, the road is long and very bumpy and very tough going. But I know that you will proceed along it honorably, with your head held high to the end of the highest learning. And then the line that really got me here was from your dad, Antonio Caprio Jr. My father was born in Italy, you know, he came here with his parents. He wanted to make sure that this document was accurate. So it wasn't just your dad, you know, Antonio Caprio Jr. This is an official document with my legal name. And I really mean it from the bottom of my heart is what he was saying to me. I still have that book. It's in the right hand drawer of my desk, you know, and I keep it.
- [15:37]
A
What do you think your dad was trying to say to you in that phrase?
- [15:42]
B
My dad was trying to say to me, listen, we don't have the resources to give you material things in life. The road is tough going. It's very tough going. So you're going to have to be a little bit tougher than the next person and you're going to have to study hard. And he constantly was saying, you have to go to college. You have to go to college.
- [16:03]
A
I'm reading to you from page 43 and you write and you're reflecting on what your father said. My father was not educated, but he had the soul of a poet. I have read that message a thousand times. His words touched me to this day, and I still find myself trying to make him proud and live up to his high expectations. For me to successfully navigate the wide street and long and bumpy road, we all need a moral compass. I wasn't told how to be moral. I learned by watching others. Most importantly, the fine examples set by my mother and father. And they did set a really big example for you. And your father kept saying, go to college. And so you did tell me about going to college and what happened next in your life.
- [17:00]
B
My father was one of 10 and he was considered the smartest one of the family. He was right in the middle and unfortunately he couldn't go to college because of the financial position. Family of 10 emigrating from Italy, they were fruit peddlers with a push cart. So my father's dream always was to go to college and it was not afforded to him, but, but he wanted to make sure that my brother and I both had an education. And he would wake us up at 4 o' clock in the morning and we'd go to work on the truck and he would constantly say, if you don't want to do this, you're going to go to college. He just drove that into us and it worked because a lot of my friends, you know, after high school we had no money and they went out and got a job and then they were able to buy a car, you know, and they had some material things that I didn't have and it was a temptation to go, not to go to college, to go out and get a job. But it was my father's dream that we do that and he impressed it upon us so much that it was a no brainer for me that I had to go.
- [18:11]
A
Judge Caprio, I am so grateful that you're here. I want to take a quick pause so we can give our amazing sponsors a chance to share a few words. I also want to give you a chance to to share this incredible conversation with people that you care about. Everybody needs some Judge Caprio in their life. So take a minute and share this and don't go anywhere. We're just digging into these life lessons and Judge Caprio and I will be waiting for you after a short break. So stay with us. Native is a great, clean, cruelty free brand that makes lotions and deodorants and shampoos. And they have a new limited edition fall getaway collection. Oh my gosh. It captures the spirit of fall adventures through five cents. Oh so good. Even mother nature would approve of this collection. Let me tell you what I've been loving. The deodorant in the crisp pear and cashmere scent is light and fresh. Reminds me of my cool early morning autumn walks through the woods. And with a 72 hour odor protection, I'm ready for what the day brings. The body wash in toasted vanilla and honey. Ooh. Smells like a warm hug. Has just nine ingredients so you know exactly what's going on. Your skin shampoo. Oh. Sandalwood and coastal breeze gives you that kind of cabin by the ocean vibe without leaving your house. And it'll leave your hair soft, refreshed, free of silicone sulfates and parabens. So if you're ready to add the feeling of fall into your routine and on your body, go shop the fall getaway collection@nativecoasts.com and use code MEL FALL for 20% off. That's native co s.com and code MEL-FALL isn't it hard to believe that the kids are already heading back to school? You know what that means? That means those classroom germs are heading back into your home. Fortunately, with GoodRx you can save up to 80% on prescriptions for you and the whole family, even your pets, too. GoodRx is free and easy to use. It's a website and an app where you can go and register for free coupons that work with over 70,000 pharmacies. And these coupons give you discounts on your prescription medication. Just search for your prescription on the website or the app, compare prices, and get a free coupon to show your pharmacist you can use GoodRx to save at local pharmacies nationwide, including Walmart, Walgreens, CVS, Publix, Kroger and more. GoodRx is not insurance, but works whether you have insurance or not and it could beat your insurance copay price. For simple smart savings on all those back to school prescriptions, check GoodRx go to goodrx.com Mel that's goodrx.com Mel this is an ad by BetterHelp. You know, in today's world, there is so much information about wellness out there that it can get really confusing. What works for you? What should you prioritize? What's important that you do at this stage in your life based on everything that you're dealing with right now? Well, let me tell you how you can cut through all that noise. Talk to a trusted resource like a live therapist who can help you talk about where you're at, what your priorities are, and help you prioritize all the amazing advice that is out there so that it works for you. And BetterHelp is a great place to do it. With over 30,000 experienced therapists worldwide, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people worldwide globally. Plus, you can join a session with a therapist at a click of a button. You can switch therapists at any time, which I also love because therapy's not only about doing it, it's about having the right fit. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Talk it out with BetterHelp. Our listeners at 2 get 10% off their first month@betterhelp.com Melrobbins that's betterhelp.com Melrobbins welcome back. It's your buddy, Mel Robbins. Today you and I are getting to spend time with the remarkable Judge Frank Caprio. We are learning life lessons from his extraordinary 88 years and 40 years on the bench. So, Judge Caprio, where did you go to college and did you know.
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B
Providence College?
- [22:25]
A
You went to Providence College. Did you know you wanted to be a lawyer?
- [22:28]
B
My father, when I was. I don't. I must have been 12 years old, we lived in what they called a cold water flat, which meant we didn't have heat, central heat. We had an old potbelly stove. And I recall it like it happened like five minutes ago, that my brother and myself. And it was freezing that day, and we were sitting. They kept the oven door open so we could get some heat. My father would talk about things in life and so forth. And he was saying to my brother, this is what you're going to do in life and so forth. And he said to me, he says, you're a good talker. These are his words. And, Yeah, I was 12 years old and I still remember them. He says, you're a good talker. You're going to be a warrior someday. It was like an idiot coming down from heaven. I never wanted to be or do anything else except be a lawyer. As a matter of fact, when I was in middle school, we had to write a career book in the eighth grade. My career book was on being a lawyer, you know, and when I went to school, my courses were all geared toward going into the legal profession. And it was just that one sentence that my father said to me. And if I remember it correctly, he put his hand on my shoulder. Put his hand on my shoulder. You could have said, you're going to be president of the United States. No, no, no, no. I'm going to be a lawyer. My father said, I'm going to be a good lawyer. And then my father said, and this still remains with me, he said, remember, you can't charge poor people like us. Can't charge poor people like us. And then he said, but don't worry, because you make it up with the rich people. Those were his exact words. I was 12 years old. And can I tell you something? My law office has never charged a poor family. Never. And we won't.
- [24:27]
A
It is amazing because you're right. It is like it came straight down from heaven because he basically told you what was going to happen, that you would be successful like the rich people, but you would never, ever, ever judge the poor.
- [24:45]
B
I think more parents should do that. You know, sometimes parents think the way they can get their kids to succeed is by berating them. You have to encourage them, let them know you believe in them.
- [24:57]
A
And you did that every day in court. It was absolutely amazing to watch because you didn't just talk it, you showed it. When you graduated from college, did you go straight to law school or.
- [25:10]
B
I determined when I was a junior in college that I would not have enough money to go to law school, so I'd have to get a job teaching. But I had majored in political science, which I thought would prepare me for law school, which doesn't, incidentally. It prepares you for political science. It does not prepare you for law school. But there was this misconception that, oh, you take political science, that's a pretty good entrance of the law. It's not, actually. Business is a better entrance into law. For all you kids out there who want to go to college and then to law school, major in business. I was a wrestling coach as well.
- [25:50]
A
Yeah.
- [25:51]
B
I taught at a Hope High School in Providence, Rhode Island.
- [25:54]
A
And how did teaching high school and coaching a wrestling team, what did that teach you about life?
- [26:00]
B
Well, life's life's lesson for me. There's all the things that they taught you when you were younger. You know, if you don't give up, if you say you stay the course, you know, you find a way to do it. It's hard work, but you will survive. So I always did what I had to do. But my final goal was law school. Yeah, law school. Because my father said to me, you're going to be lawyer. Right. And I wanted to be a lawyer after that because I never wanted to be anything else.
- [26:31]
A
How long did you teach before you. Because you went to law school at night?
- [26:34]
B
I went to law school at night, yeah. Four years.
- [26:37]
A
Okay.
- [26:38]
B
Yeah, I taught for six years.
- [26:39]
A
So you taught for six years, and then while you were teaching, you went to law school at night?
- [26:44]
B
Yes.
- [26:46]
A
Wow. And what did that period of your life teach you? Just keep going. There's a will, there's a way. You can figure it out.
- [26:54]
B
There never was. Oh, poor me. And I used to drive. Me and a friend of mine would drive up to law school, and then he dropped out. So I drive up alone sometimes. I took the train one time I got stuck right outside the Lafayette house and had to hitchhike the rest of the way to school.
- [27:14]
A
Well, there's one thing about you. Once you lock your mind on something, you're gonna find a way.
- [27:19]
B
Yeah, I'm gonna find a way.
- [27:21]
A
So what kind of law did you practice before you?
- [27:23]
B
General law.
- [27:24]
A
General law.
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B
General law.
- [27:25]
A
And how did you come to be elected to become a judge?
- [27:29]
B
First of all, I ran for the Providence city council when I was a lawyer. And I ran against the president of the city council, who was a very powerful individual. He had been in the council for 35 years. He was considered the most powerful figure in Providence, more powerful than the mayor. And it was a remarkable victory back then.
- [27:53]
A
What happened when you won?
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B
I won. I was the boss.
- [27:57]
A
That's fantastic. So when did you decide to run and become a judge or how were you appointed to become a judge?
- [28:06]
B
Actually, I was appointed by the city council because it's a municipal judge.
- [28:10]
A
Got it.
- [28:11]
B
Judgeship.
- [28:12]
A
Okay.
- [28:12]
B
So I had my friends on the council and I had the councilmen from my district and the mayor supporting me. I had a pretty good record in public life, so I wasn't exactly an unknown.
- [28:25]
A
Now, were you excited to be a judge? Is it something that you thought you wanted to do or did somebody recommend it to you?
- [28:30]
B
This judgeship was ideal for me because it's a part time judgeship, because I could never have supported five kids on a judge's salary, particularly a municipal judge's salary. So I was able to be. I was actually a part time judge. I was the chief judge and there were two other judges. But it wasn't. I could still practice law while I was practicing on the court as well. If not, I would never have been able to take the job.
- [28:59]
A
So in your Incredible book, chapter 19, you write about the first day as a judge and what it taught you about compassion. Would you be able to tell us that story about what happened the first day you.
- [29:16]
B
I'm on. I get elected now. I'm a judge. I got the robe, right. I'm gonna go. I'm the boss. I'm gonna sit on the bench. And this is it now, right? I have arrived. So I said to my father, I said, dad, my first day on the bench, he said, I'll come down and walk. I said, good, come down. Love for you to come down. So I'm there, and I am really full of myself. I'm a judge now. Look at me. All rise, please. Everybody rises and so forth. It's so crazy. So this woman comes before me. She owed. She had a boot on her car. I don't know what she owed. A couple hundred hours in tickets and she couldn't pay them. So I said, well, if you don't pay it, I'm not going to take the boot off the car. And she says, I just don't have the money. I don't have the money and I have four kids. It's my first day on the bench. No one's going to bully me around, right? So I says, well, you owe the money, and if you don't, we're going to leave the boot on the car. She said, I don't have the money. I have to get my kids to school. So I said, I'm sorry. Continue the case. We'll give you a couple of days to come in. Right. My father's in the courtroom. After court's over, my father comes into chambers. I said to the sheriff, how'd my father come in chambers? I'm so happy. I said, dad, how did it go? He said, how did it go? How could you do that? How could I do what? He said, that woman. I said, she was disrespectful, you know. I said she wasn't respecting the court. I said I wasn't going to take care of her. He said, frank, she had four kids. Now suppose she can't feed the kids tonight if she paid those tickets. No, she doesn't have a car. She can't drive them to school. What are you doing? You weren't brought up that way. My first day on the court set the tone of my judgeship of over 30 years. After that, I took everybody's personal situation into consideration in the imposition of a sentence. And that case still bothers me. It still bothers me to this day. When I think about it. I say to myself, how could you do that? You know, with my upbringing and so forth. And I don't know why, my first days, my case, this woman, she was. She was insulting to begin with, but you have to overcome that because she was scared and she was scared to death, right?
- [31:47]
A
Yes.
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B
As my father said.
- [31:49]
A
Well, I think she was a gift to you because you write in this book on page 110. The lesson was that being a judge is much more about the person in front of you than it is about the law. Since then, I've always tried to find out what was really going on with the person. And I always considered how my ruling would impact not only them, but their whole family.
- [32:15]
B
Right.
- [32:15]
A
Like, if you really think about.
- [32:18]
B
Those aren't only words, I did that.
- [32:21]
A
Yes, yes, you did. You did that for over 30 years.
- [32:25]
B
Right.
- [32:25]
A
And I think you needed that case with your father sitting there to be reminded of who you are. We all need those moments. You were just smart enough and wonderful enough to recognize what it was and to actually change, which is incredible. You know, if somebody is listening to you, Judge, and they want to follow your advice of putting more kindness into the world, of being more compassionate towards other people. How can you practice that? Particularly in a moment of time where things seem overwhelming, the headlines are stressful, the economy's all over the place, or maybe you feel like, well, it's not gonna make a difference if I'm kind. What would you say to somebody?
- [33:14]
B
Place yourself in their shoes. Imagine that you were sitting there, because it could happen to all of us, you know, tomorrow. We don't know what tomorrow brings. We've had many very wealthy people who ended up penniless, you know, and so I always have subscribed to that. I always place myself in the shoes of the person that was before me and then try to exercise a modicum of compassionate understanding. Sometimes I went overboard. But you know what? I'd rather go overboard with compassion than go overboard with punishment.
- [33:51]
A
When you step into somebody else's shoes as a judge, you have seen people at their most vulnerable. You have seen them scared, You've seen them ashamed. What's something that you've learned from all of these interactions with people that really gives you hope about human beings and the world? Because you have been in this amazing role as a judge. You step into people's shoes, you consider their circumstances. You always take into account how this is gonna impact the family. What do you believe is true about the true nature of every human being that stands before you?
- [34:34]
B
We're not in this world alone. We have to rely on other people for many necessities in life. For some of our needs, we have an obligation to use whatever resources. We have our own resources to help others, to make society better because of our contributions. Those are the words we hear all the time. You know, dedicate yourself to a cause, give to charity, help people. There's. They sound good, but put them in practice. I mean, I've seen people, I mean, for lack of a better term, who are frauds, who are preaching this, but don't do it. People in public life, you know, they preach one thing and do another. My. My theory always was, you know, if you deserved an 8 or. Or you. You deserve a 6 in sympathy. I gave you a 10, hoping that it would help you and that it would change your life.
- [35:28]
A
Judge Caprio, thank you for sharing what you just said. I am going to remember this conversation forever. I want to take a quick pause and give you a chance to share this wisdom and this extraordinary conversation with the people that you care about. And don't go anywhere, because Judge Caprio, and I are going to be waiting for you after a short break. So stay with us.
- [35:53]
B
With us.
- [35:58]
A
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- [39:11]
B
It's a lesson just I never repeated it after that. And I was on the bench for 30 years after that. I never repeated it. I can't tell you how many times I was there and I knee jerk reaction. I wanted to really beg somebody and I said, you know, I can't do that. They have kids at home. They probably won't be able to put food on the table tonight. You know, to all of those things.
- [39:35]
A
You know, Judge, your show Caught in Providence went on public access TV in Rhode island about 25 years ago and it later went into syndication all over the world. And now you are online. You have millions of followers. These clips inspire people around the world. I'm talking billions of views. Why do you think your work and your approach to life and relationships is resonating with people?
- [40:05]
B
Because it addresses decency, it addresses honor. It addresses all of those things that families are hoping for for themselves. And that's what it's all about. It addresses compassion and understanding. I don't just use those words when I was on the bench, you know, I exercised them, you know, and it's very simple. Just put yourself in the shoes of the person before you. How do you want them to treat you?
- [40:34]
A
You have been just known and people follow you. Millions of people follow you because of the incredible advice that you give. What do you think the best advice is that you've given?
- [40:47]
B
Just be honorable.
- [40:49]
A
What does that mean? Because I think in the world today, a lot of people don't even think about honor.
- [40:53]
B
When people came before me, I would implore them, just tell me the truth, just tell me the truth. Be honorable. But all of this, you know, and at the end of the day, it pays off. It does pay off. You know, I showed compassion to people. Some people came in, they had nightmarish stories. I mean, I had a woman come in and she owed 500 in tickets and she didn't pay them. And she said she didn't have the money and that she was shot in the leg. She had a bullet in her leg. What do you do in a case like that?
- [41:31]
A
I would probably dismiss it so she can pay her medical bills.
- [41:34]
B
That's what I did.
- [41:36]
A
You know, one of the things that I want to read to you from your bestselling book, Compassion in the Court. This is on page 116. And I'd love to hear you reflect on this, because in being a big fan of yours, the way that you spoke to children in particular always struck me. I often tell children that I'm expecting them to leave my courtroom and go on to do great things. The power in knowing someone expects greatness from you is immeasurable. I am certain that people feel inspired to do their best because along the way, someone told them they believed in them. I'm certain that I became an attorney and in time a judge because my father and mother told me I could be one. Imagine if all of us did more acts of generosity and we told more people that we believed in them, how much better we could make the world. Talk to me a little bit about that.
- [42:32]
B
I think that you can change the course of someone's life right in a minute by placing your hand on their shoulder and telling them that you love them, that you believe in them, and that they will succeed if you encourage people in the gentlest way instead of yelling and screaming and berating them. And I've always made it a very special point when people came to court with children to concentrate on the children in a positive manner, because as soon as they walk into the courtroom, they're terrified. The courtroom can be a very intimidating experience. You walk into a courtroom if you're 12 years old. I mean, you see a judge in a robe, you see a cop with a gun, you see an oak panel courtroom, you see everybody sitting like this, you know, and particularly, if the judge is, for lack of a better term, a jerk, you know, and is insisting that everybody behave in a certain way. I never did that. You know, I always try to treat people civilly, you know, let them feel comfortable. Some of the best episodes are when there were children in the courtroom and I brought them up on the bench and had them help me determine their parents case. And some of the answers just are amazing, and they're humorous, but they're very revealing. We had one in particular. There was a family that relocated from Africa and came to the United States. They had been here for six months, and they came to court, and I think there were two or three children. But one of the children was about 10 years old. And I had him come up, you know, and they came from Africa and they were only here for six months, you know, and he's up at the bench and they're nervous so forth. So I said, I'm gonna ask you one question. Is your father guilty or not guilty? And without hesitation, he said, guilty.
- [44:26]
A
Oh, my. So what was it was just. Was it like a speeding ticket or a parking ticket?
- [44:30]
B
A speeding ticket?
- [44:31]
A
Speeding ticket, yeah.
- [44:32]
B
He said, guilty. And I mean, it just broke the house up. And I always think of that. And kids are so honest.
- [44:41]
A
What did you do in that case?
- [44:43]
B
I dismissed the case.
- [44:44]
A
And why did you dismiss the case?
- [44:46]
B
Because he had four children. He came from Africa. He was just getting started to earn a living here. And so in consideration of his family commitments and the fact that he was very respectful, I took that into consideration.
- [45:04]
A
So you and your wife Joyce have been married for over 60 years. What advice do you have to somebody who may be listening, who is just at the beginning of their relationship?
- [45:18]
B
Well, it's a give and take situation, you know, there's no such thing as a boss in the marriage.
- [45:23]
A
So you can't be the judge when you come home, Is that what you're saying?
- [45:29]
B
I. I behave myself.
- [45:32]
A
Joyce is watching, so be careful.
- [45:35]
B
No, we have a. We have five children and she's the best mother in the world. We have a great relationship. You know, we've had our issues on minor things, you know, and we don't talk for a day, maybe a day and a half, and that's it, you know? But she knows me pretty well by now, and I know her pretty well. And we don't have those skirmishes anymore.
- [46:03]
A
Well, I would imagine you're both pretty kind to each other.
- [46:08]
B
Whatever she wants, she gets.
- [46:09]
A
Well, there you go. You just said the secret to a marriage, Judge. Whatever my wife wants, we're good. That's how you keep peace in the house. So, judge, you recently had a life altering diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. Can you share what this journey of facing this cancer diagnosis has taught you?
- [46:35]
B
Well, it teaches you a lot. Teaches to stay close to the people you love. It drives you to prayer. You test your religion, you examine your life and see where you went wrong. Try to make amends and try to set an example of strength for those that are around you. For someone that was pretty healthy entire life, so all of a sudden it's a death sentence. Pancreatic cancer is not curable. So it's a question of how long you can live with it. And I haven't given up the battle. I've unfortunate treated by two very well known and proficient medical teams at the Dana Farber Institute and the Miami Institute because I spent winter down in Miami. So I'm very fortunate to have excellent medical treatment. But it's a natural tendency to. When you're younger, think of, you know, how long am I going to live and how am I going to die? Am I going to die in a car accident? What's going to happen? So I know how I'm going to die. I'm going to die of cancer and going to try to stay around as long as possible. I'm very fortunate that I feel well.
- [48:19]
A
You look great.
- [48:20]
B
Well, I feel well. I'm not giving up. There's one thing I never did in life was give up and I'm certainly not giving up now.
- [48:32]
A
If the person who's listening is going through something very difficult like you are, or somebody that they love is, they have a scary diagnosis, they're really struggling, what would you say to them? Judge.
- [48:45]
B
You really have no choice. Listen to your medical providers. Everyone wants to be their own doctor. I do what the doctors tell me to do and I tell them to be honest with me. You know, how much, how longer do I have to live? What is my prescribed course of treatment and. But rely on expert medical advice is the only advice that I can give them.
- [49:13]
A
Now, as you approach your 90s. You're approaching your 90s?
- [49:17]
B
Well, it's not. I mean I'm approaching my mid-80s.
- [49:23]
A
What, what are you looking forward to?
- [49:28]
B
I'm looking to keep my family intact. I'm very lucky. We have a very close knit family.
- [49:35]
A
I can tell two of your sons are here. They're making sure that you don't like screw up. That's why they're here. I can tell they're here watching.
- [49:43]
B
I need them because I do. I'm very incorrigible, so they have to keep me alone.
- [49:50]
A
What do you think makes for a good life?
- [49:54]
B
A good life is, excuse me. A good life is being a good family man, good family person and having good friends. That's all there is to life. Everyone who thinks that they're better than someone else or because of their wealth that they have special privileges? No, we're all in the same boat here together.
- [50:18]
A
So what are your plans for the future? What do you still want to do? What do you want to see? What do you want to experience, Judge?
- [50:25]
B
Well, I enjoy traveling. I've been very lucky to travel to Europe, to my father's village, where he was born, actually. He was born. I went to where my dad was born. It was a dirt floor still, that. Still a dirt floor, you know, And I was able to go to the Middle East. And so I enjoy traveling. And as trite as it sounds, I know it sounds, I enjoy. I derive great pleasure out of helping people.
- [51:03]
A
I don't think that sounds trite at all. In fact, I think that's the secret to a good life, is being kind, being encouraging and helping people.
- [51:13]
B
Being in the service to others is what gives you a happy life.
- [51:17]
A
For the person who's listening right now, who is like you and maybe tired or retired or a little older, what words of encouragement would you give them about what's possible for the rest of their lives?
- [51:32]
B
I think they should become active in some civic duties, you know, volunteer at the home for the elderly, you know, help people, drive people, but be of service to others as much as you can.
- [51:48]
A
And what do you think your father would say about who you've become?
- [51:56]
B
Well, he put his hand on itsu and he'd be so proud. No, he'd be a vindication of everything that he taught me. He taught me by way of example, you know, like when I saw my father paying a milk bill for one of his customers. He didn't have to give me a speech, you know, he disappointed by his actions. He came here with nothing, from Italy, you know, had to leave school. He was so smart, but he had to work, work menu jobs. So I owe a great deal to him, which every father should set that example.
- [52:43]
A
And I think your sons would say the same, since they're crying right over there in this studio, that you've set an incredible example for them.
- [52:51]
B
Well, they've both done pretty well.
- [52:55]
A
You're a hard act to beat. So that's saying a lot. Well, that's saying a lot. What would you tell yourself if you could go back in time? You're on those milk runs. You're 10 years old, you're on Federal Hill. What would you say to yourself?
- [53:11]
B
I'd say, don't quit because the end of the road is successful. I mean, I have a great family, you know, I'm not an extraordinary wealthy man, but I'm not broke. You know, I. I have an opportunity to come and speak to you and other programs as well. I've had an opportunity to give back. There's a great sense of joy in giving back and not just receiving. I never was a receiver, you know, I keep using the same phrase all the time. I got that from my father, you know.
- [53:58]
A
And we're getting it from you. That's the example that you have given to the world. To not take, but to give.
- [54:06]
B
I am amazed at the impact that my actions have had worldwide. Now, this is going to sound very egotistical. It is not. I get messages from all over the world every day. And the conclusion that I come to is that the world is not full of compassion or understanding. We're in a very contentious world and being exposed to people worldwide. I get the messages every day. Congratulations, though. Thank you. We need more people who take into consideration the plight of others, and it's.
- [54:47]
A
Very rewarding, you know, since you have a global audience and you are inspiring and encouraging people around the world. For somebody that is feeling very discouraged, they may live in a part of the world where they don't have a lot of support, the headlines are scary. How do you keep hope alive, Judge?
- [55:10]
B
Well, the first priority I have whenever I have issues like that is my religion. So I'm not a holy roller, but I do. I am a practicing Catholic, and I'm a very strong believer in the power of prayer. And that usually is what gets me through all of these scrapes that I'm thinking about.
- [55:33]
A
So if the person listening, Judge, takes just one thing from everything that you've shared, what do you think the most important thing to do would be to make your life better. What are your parting words?
- [55:51]
B
My parting words are that we are not in this world alone, that we have to rely on each other, and that we should show understanding and compassion toward others and help them in their time of need.
- [56:04]
A
Judge Caprio, it is an honor to be with you. I am so glad that you are here, that we are getting to be inspired by your life, by the way that you move through life. It has been an honor to sit with you, to be inspired by you, and I wanted to be sure to tell you I love you.
- [56:24]
B
I'm very appreciative of the opportunity. Thank you so much.
- [56:28]
A
You're welcome. And I appreciate you. I appreciate you for taking the time to listen and to learn and to spend time with somebody as remarkable as Judge Caprio. And in case nobody else tells you, I wanted to be sure to tell you That I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And one of the things that I'm taking away from this one is the power of kindness and the fact that purpose is not what you do, it's how you do it. And I think in this moment, how we do it and how we treat other people is absolutely everything. I cannot wait to hear what you get out of this. I can't wait to hear what the people you share this episode with get out of this. And I also will be waiting for you to welcome you into the very next episode, the moment you hit play. I'll see you there.
- [57:24]
B
We doing okay?
- [57:25]
A
You're doing great.
- [57:25]
B
I'm doing great.
- [57:28]
A
The camera got tired. Tech is good when it works, right?
- [57:31]
B
I broke the camera.
- [57:32]
A
No, you didn't. You guys even get choked up on that story every time.
- [57:38]
B
It's my two worst critics. How we doing? Okay, so far, so good. See, David's always measured. So far, so good.
- [57:48]
A
We can still screw this up is what they're saying.
- [57:52]
B
Oh, I'll tell you. I'll tell you that story in a minute, so.
- [57:56]
A
Yep.
- [57:57]
B
Well, I got 168.
- [57:58]
A
That's all right. Well, it's all. It's all great in this book. Everything you wrote's fantastic. So any page you turn to is a winner.
- [58:05]
B
How do we do? All right.
- [58:06]
A
I think you did really good. Let's ask these guys.
- [58:09]
B
I'll find out later. Don't tell me.
- [58:10]
A
How about you guys? Did we miss anything?
- [58:12]
B
You shouldn't have said this. You shouldn't have said that.
- [58:14]
A
Class act, you know that.
- [58:15]
B
I'm glad it worked out okay.
- [58:17]
A
Okay. You were fantastic.
- [58:19]
B
Okay. Thank you. I appreciate the opportunity. Trust me.
- [58:23]
A
Well, I appreciate you making it here. I appreciate you fighting. Keep going. We need you.
- [58:30]
B
Thank you.
- [58:31]
A
World needs you. Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode. SiriusXM Podcasts this is the table. The one with the view. This is how you reserve exclusive tables with Chase Sapphire.
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