This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear the full conversation, visit keelysemler.substack.com.

So many of us grew up learning how to take care of everyone but ourselves. We were taught to be helpful, selfless, polite… “good girls”. But no one ever pulled us aside to ask, “What brings you joy? What makes you feel good in your body and in your spirit?”

This episode with Kiana Reeves is an invitation to pause and ask those questions.

Because here’s the truth: pleasure isn’t a luxury. It’s not just about sex (though yes we’re going there too). Pleasure is about knowing yourself, your needs, boundaries and desires and refusing to apologize for them.

If you’re new, thank you for being here. Motherlands is a space for women finding their way through life’s many thresholds. It’s about exploring what it means to take care of ourselves, to mother ourselves, even if it has nothing to do with becoming a mother, and everything to do with growing into who we’re meant to be.

In this episode, we unpack the stories we’ve inherited about womanhood and sex and why so many men seem lost right now. We take a look at patriarchy’s impact on all of us and what that means for intimacy in modern culture. We talk about reclaiming pleasure, power, and sense of self. Big questions, real talk, zero judgment… just an honest conversation between women.

In the bonus episode, I’ll share some old beliefs I’ve carried about who gets to feel good, to rest, and to simply enjoy life… and how I’m learning to release them. Maybe you’ll hear something that feels familiar. And maybe it’s time we both let a few things go together.

Kiana Reeves has supported women in coming home to themselves through love, touch, healing, and deep connection. Her work blends heart, body, and spirit, offering down to earth, holistic support around sex, relationships, intimacy, and self trust. Kiana creates spaces where women can reconnect with their bodies, reclaim pleasure, and feel safe in their own skin. She’s trained as a Somatic Sex Educator, Sexological Bodyworker, Intimacy and Embodiment Teacher, Pelvic Health Practitioner, Full Spectrum Doula and she’s also a mama to two boys.

This podcast is made possible by the support of this community. If the work speaks to you and you’re able, becoming a paid subscriber helps me keep going and gives you access to Behind Closed Doors, our private space for deeper, more honest conversations. You can join at keelysemler.substack.com.

4:19 Myths about pleasure

8:06 Pleasure, self-understanding, and safety

12:29 Sensation is the language of the body

15:53 Cultural conditioning, collective inheritance, and capitalized pleasure

18:37 Pleasure needs support, and motherhood is not resourced

23:05 Gendered differences in nervous systems and socialization

28:27 Tracing the roots of the patriarchy: who and what is mine?

34:29 Routine vs intentional intimacy

39:40 Sex vs pleasure education

42:07 Media and porn’s influence on how we perceive pleasure and relationships

50:18 Finding pleasure after sexual assault

54:26 Where to find Kiana’s work

55:08 Letting go of the idea that only “good girls” deserve pleasure

59:04 Communication and vulnerability

1:00:29 Creative environments and lifestyles conducive with rest and pleasure

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Underneath It All with Kiana Reeves