Gordo's Corner!!! Anal Glands - Episode 38

Summary

The Musers The Podcast – Episode 38: Gordo's Corner!!! Anal Glands

Release Date: April 8, 2026
Hosts: George Dunham, Craig “Junior” Miller, Gordon “Gordo” Keith
Podcast Network: Cumulus Podcast Network

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Episode Overview

This episode is a classic Musers blend: absurd animal stories, listener mails about pets and music, hilarious debates, and irreverent but strangely insightful medical news. Gordo takes the lead in what he predicts will be “the most life changing episode” (00:23). The show kicks off with a wild listener story about a dog's anal glands (hence the episode title), spins through debates on 70s vs. 80s music, detours into tortoise longevity and rat birth control, and wraps up with trademark Musers hypotheticals.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Letter of the Week: Anal Glands Take Center Stage

[00:46–04:51]

• Debbie, a listener, shares a tale about her rescue dog Otis displaying his anal glands during a family milestone.
• The story triggers a discussion on why animals have anal glands, with the Musers consulting (unreliably) with “AI” for answers.
• Gordon wonders: “Why do dogs have anal glands? Like, what’s the purpose of that?” (04:11)
• Craig digs up: “Anal glands are found in many mammals, including dogs, cats, skunks, beavers and many primates, including humans.” (04:51)
• Gordo, in disbelief: “Humans don’t have them. You reported misinformation there, by the way.” (05:24)
• The laughter and confusion underscore the Musers' talent for making the gross both funny and oddly informative.

2. Merchandise Requests and Self-Deprecation

[06:01–07:24]

• Listener Chris asks about Muser podcast merch; George is “put in charge.”
• Hilarious running joke about the guys’ poor history of selling merch:
  • George: “Everything my band does loses money, okay.” (07:13)
  • Gordo: “The first art of self-promotion is don’t lead with the negative stuff.” (07:19)

3. Music Decade Debate: 70s vs. 80s (and Beyond)

[07:24–16:59]

• Listener Chip’s email proclaims the 70s are more musically diverse than the 80s, listing innovations: “the singer-songwriter movement, punk, disco, outlaw country, metal, arena rock, glam, Americana, new wave, goth, reggae, funk, electronica, power pop, yacht rock.”
• Gordo enthusiastically: “That’s pretty diverse.” (11:35)
• George reflects on why he used to resist 70s music: “Rock was pretty stale in the 70s… I think that music and those things you listed really thrived in the 80s.” (11:35)
• The group recognizes that many 80s trends started in the 70s.
• AI says the best music decade fight is between the 70s and 90s, not the 70s and 80s.
• Memorable moment: Craig, tongue-in-cheek, credits the 90s’ rise in cred to “the last stand before the internet scooped out our brains.” (13:49)

4. Band Names, Image, and the Fixation on Seriousness

[17:01–24:02]

• The Musers reminisce about their own band names (George: “Pegasus—gayest high school band name ever.” [17:17])
• Discussion of why bands try to look so serious in photos.
• Craig: “Bands like to pretend that sound checks take an hour, but it’s for the show.” (20:01)
• Gordo wryly notes the absurdity of guitarists switching instruments for every song, contrasted with bassists’ simplicity.

5. Long-Lived Tortoises & Animal News

[26:27–34:21]

• April 1st prank about Jonathan the 193-year-old tortoise sparked public panic—he’s still alive.
• Gordo discusses his own Russian tortoise’s health, the oddities of tortoise lifespans.
• Pat Murphy, Brewers manager, is spotlighted for wacky “pocket pancake” and “pocket tortoise” antics. Gordo: “The only worst food to keep in your pocket would be soup.” (31:26)
• The Brewers now have a rally tortoise in their clubhouse (33:18).

6. Animal Rights, Rat Birth Control & the Food Chain

[34:21–41:10]

• Peru gives legal rights to insects; bees can sue in court. The guys riff on what it’s like to be an insect lawyer (34:59).
• Washington D.C. employs birth control for rats; the guys joke about “how D.C. officials are getting these condoms on rats” (39:41).
• Craig’s hot take: “I don’t believe in the food chain.” (37:44) – He argues ecosystems will adapt if annoying species disappear, with comedic pushback from the others.

7. Wheels Off Story: Chicken Coop Stabbing

[42:17–47:46]

• West Virginia story: Father and daughter living in a chicken coop, fending off a break-in that ends in a stabbing.
• The situation snowballs into increasingly ridiculous puns (“egg on her face”) and existential commentary:
  • George: “We are such a train wreck right now as a society.” (46:11)
  • Gordo: “Police would much rather respond to a chicken coop family than a triple shooting.” (47:04)

8. Medical News: Ejaculation & Prostate Cancer

[48:03–54:57]

• “F Cancer” non-profit promotes frequent ejaculation for prostate health. Discussed with the usual Musers’ lack of propriety:
  • Craig deadpan: “You can have as many orgasms as you can possibly muster in a week, or a day, or an hour. The more, the healthier your prostate.” (48:03)
  • George is unimpressed: “This is not new information. This was out there like 20 years ago.” (49:30)
  • Gordon: “They say, though, that if you do not hit—like, it’s not a magical number, so you should at least try to increase your frequency…” (52:46)
• More stats on prostate cancer prevalence, personal anecdotes about friends and early exams.

9. Hypotheticals: Would You for a Million Dollars…?

[54:57–59:30]

• Would you rather get along perfectly—even with Nazis—or get $1M/year but have to “low grade argue with everyone”?
  • Both George and Craig decline the arguing option.
• Would you sign up for $1M/yr if you could never turn left (not even walking)?
  • Craig: “If you included the walking thing… no way.” (58:02)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On dogs’ anal glands:
  “Otis… decided to express his anal glands right in front of everyone. The most foul stench starts permeating the living room… I could not stop laughing. It was the most awkward situation.” – Letter from listener Debbie (02:17)
• On food chain skepticism:
  “I don’t believe in the food chain... We have lost hundreds and hundreds of species… and here we are, and we still have things eating other things, and we’re kind of all getting along.” – Craig (37:44)
• On prostate health research:
  “According to research, those who ejaculate 21 or more times per month had up to a 22% lower risk of prostate cancer than those who ejaculated less.” – Gordo (52:26)
• On band seriousness:
  “U2 started it. They started the ‘here we are in a landscape and we’re just so… contemplative, we can’t even engage with the camera.’” – Gordo (19:03)
• On human absurdity:
  “We are such a train wreck right now as a society.” – George (46:11)

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Timestamps for Notable Segments

• 00:46–04:51: Letter of the Week – Otis the dog and anal glands
• 07:24–16:59: Music debate: 70s vs. 80s (Chip’s email, AI weighs in)
• 17:01–24:02: Band names & image; band banter
• 26:27–34:21: Animal news: Jonathan the tortoise, “pocket pancakes,” rally tortoise
• 34:21–41:10: Insect rights in Peru, rat birth control, food chain “hot take”
• 42:17–47:46: Wheels off story: chicken coop stabbing
• 48:03–54:57: Medical news – prostate cancer & the case for (frequent) ejaculation
• 54:57–59:30: Hypotheticals: Arguing for money & the left turn challenge

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Episode Tone & Takeaways

The Musers deliver their trademark: a mix of infectious irreverence, left-field digressions, heartfelt moments (especially when talking about pets), and sharp-witted banter. Even as they cycle through absurd topics (anal glands… insect lawyers… chicken coop stabbings…) the trio’s chemistry and genuine friendship make for a show that’s insightful, unpredictable, and always a blast.

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For fans new and old, Episode 38 is pure Musers: crude, clever, and never too far from the next surreal tangent.

Transcript

[Craig]

May I share a long standing hot opinion about the animal kingdom?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Okay, sure.

[Craig]

I don't believe in the food chain.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Hell yeah. You know what that catchphrase means? That means it's time for the musers, the podcast. I'm your old pal Gordo.

[George]

I'm George.

[Craig]

I'm Craig.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

All right, all right. Got that out of the way. All right, welcome to another episode. This one's going to be a lot of fun. I cannot wait because you guys have been keeping the dark as to what we're going to be talking about and it's important to a lot that goes on. I predict that this will be the most life changing episode of the music the podcast of any of them.

[George]

Okay.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

But we got to start off with something very particular and that is our letter of the week. And you know, when I'm doing, when I'm leading the musers of the podcast, I like to have a lot of pre production. And here is the time for the letter of the week with your host for today's this letter of the week, the man Gordon. Thank you, thank you.

[George]

We could do so much better than that.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

So we have here from Debbie a little email. She says, love the podcast. I want one of these letters to at least start off with, I really can't stand what you guys do. You guys need to start learning how to do podcasting better.

[George]

You don't have to ask for that. That'll happen.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

She says we had a rescue dog. She's talking about pets, which was an episode that we did that really touched a lot of people. I mean, it was a tear jerker.

[George]

It was.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

And we got a lot of tear jerker emails as a result of it. I can't read any of those because we don't want to start off sad, but they were very meaningful and we do thank the people for sending them in because they were very touching. And it's obvious that pets get straight to the innermost part of our tender hearts.

[George]

No doubt.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Well, she says we had a rescue dog, a great Pyrenees golden retriever mix named Otis, which is a funny name for a dog.

[George]

Always a funny name for a dog.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

He was the most chill dog ever. But the day our now son in law came to our house to ask my husband's permission to marry our daughter. It's very traditional, very old school. Otis, in the middle of this, in the living room, while this is going on, decided to express his anal glands right in front of everyone. So this is a very historic moment. It's a moment that you want to remember. Forever. Very sensitive, Very sensitive. There's probably a lot of emotion going on. And then all of a sudden the most foul stench starts permeating that living room, she says. I could not stop laughing. It was the most awkward situation. And your discussion about losing a pet hits home, she says. Debbie says, I will die owning a dog. They give us such unconditional love, even though it's one of the worst days when we have to say goodbye. Think of all the years they brought joy. And the funniest stories ever, including Otis and the Anal Gland Living room story. She says, a book that helps me get through bad times like that, when you have to put a dog down is the Art of Racing in the Rain. Have you ever heard of that?

[Craig]

I have, but I'm not sure what it's about.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yeah, I don't know. She says, I highly recommend it. Keep up the good. Great work. Love you all.

[Craig]

Is it a running book? Is it about footnotes?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

I guess it's about running when it's bad weather outside. What if that's what it was? It was just a literal book about the title. There's nothing inspirational metaphorical about it.

[George]

You know, we didn't cover that in our pet discussion about the foul odor. We've had dogs through the years that have seriously cleared rooms. Like, you cannot stay in the room. It is so bad.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Because of anal glands.

[George]

I guess you could put it that way. Or the fact that they farted a nuclear bomb.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

How about that? Okay, well, I don't know. That's what they were. But why do dogs have anal glands? Like, what's the purpose of that? Because do cats have them, Humans don't have them.

[George]

I don't know.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

What does the anal gland do? Because they don't mark territory with those things. They mark territory by urinating.

[George]

Right.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

So there seems to be no reason that they have them.

[Craig]

According to AI, anal glands are found in many mammals, including dogs, cats, skunks, beavers and many primates, including humans.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Okay, so cats do have them used

[Craig]

primarily for scent marking, territorial communication or defense. They are located just inside the anus, typically at the four and eight o' clock positions.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Okay, how does an anus know what an analog clot looks like and secrete

[Craig]

a pungent, fishy smelling fluid?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Well, humans don't have them. You reported misinformation there, by the way.

[Craig]

Art of Racing in the Rain is about a race car driver and his dog.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Oh, okay, so there's a dog drives.

[Craig]

Yes, the dog becomes F1 world champion kind of thing.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

No, we do have some other email. This is not letter of the week, but this is an interesting question from Chris. He says, I would love to be able to purchase Muser podcast merch, especially shirts and caps. Let me know how I can get it. Now, George, we put you in charge of this. How is your progress on the Muser merch?

[George]

Well, I'll say we're working on it. I was waiting for Yalls approval. I approve it.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yeah, I approve it.

[George]

Okay, coming soon.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

So what design you want?

[George]

Muser's merch? The one that. I think one of them will be the little logo that you see on our podcast.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Okay. You know what we really should do? All the time that we've spent broadcasting or podcasting, we say put that on a T shirt. Somebody out there had to have collected all those sayings. We ought to actually start making a whole line of shirts with those ridiculous sayings on the front of them.

[George]

Easy.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

That cause nothing but question marks in this world.

[George]

Easy. And I was not put in charge of merchandise. I was just contacted by a merchandise guy.

[Craig]

Well, you know more about merch than anything.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yeah, you do.

[George]

Not really.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

You're in that whole band world. I know musicians live on merch.

[George]

We've sold three shirts in 15 years. How's that being in the merch business?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Seriously, how many T shirts do you

[George]

think you have sold it over the years? Maybe a couple of hundred. Maybe.

[Craig]

Wow, that's pretty more than us.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yeah, that. That makes you an expert.

[George]

We're giving away probably more. Look, everything my band does loses money. Okay. Okay.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Well, the first art of self promotion is don't lead with the negative stuff.

[George]

Making a record or merch, whatever it is, we play for free lot. We don't make a lot of money.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Well, I'm glad you're talking about music because this next piece of email, I think is a great topic for us. And we debated this a few podcasts ago, which was. Which was the better decade for music, the 70s or 80s? Did you see Chip's email?

[George]

Yes. And he makes some really good points.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Oh, man, I thought he made some great points. Now, we all kind of agreed, I think, Junior, you were with us on this, that the 80s had more kind of musical breakthroughs and diversity. There was just more diversity in 80s music.

[Craig]

Yeah, more dynamic.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yeah, more dynamic. Well, Chip says on that podcast, y' all were talking which decade is better music, 70s or 80s? George has mellowed on his anti 70s music stance because you were. At one time when I knew you, you were almost intolerable with how much. You were always throwing me up against the wall, grabbing me by the lapel and saying, 80s music is so superior to 70s music.

[Craig]

Okay, you know what? And with you, George, it's not only been a 70s music thing. You've been anti everything about that decade.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yeah. Something bad happened to you in the 70s.

[George]

Something bad happened to all of us in the 70s. From fashion to carpet to music. And my big thing about 70s music

[Gordon (Gordo)]

was a carpet to music.

[George]

What was I going to say? Oh, rock. The genre of rock, I think, was pretty stale in the 70s. I really do now it gave us disco. And as.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Let me get to his email, because this is great. Okay, all right. And this opened my eyes up to it as well, because I kind of agreed with you. I said, yeah, okay. 80s is more dynamic, but 70s had some great music. Well, he gets into the nitty gritty on it. And he says that he disagrees with us, that the 70s music was not as dynamic as the 80s. He said the high point of the singer songwriter movement happened in the 70s. Your James Taylor, Carole King, Elton John, Neil Young.

[George]

Yeah.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Paul Simon, Joni Mitchell. The beginning of punk rock. That's 70s, that's Big Ramon, Sex Pistols, Clash.

[George]

Yeah.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

The invention and heyday of disco, which George dismisses disco, but it was great for bass playing.

[George]

Yes, it was very impactful. I like some disco. And I would push back a little bit on punk. I would say it was more accepted and I would say it became more popular. It was at the very end of

[Gordon (Gordo)]

the 70s when, yeah, it was 78, 79 and stuff. But still, that's in the 70s and that's when it broke through and was invented.

[George]

Okay.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

That style of music. So, yeah, you have disco with Chic and BG's, Donna Summer and all that stuff. Then you have the beginning in the heyday of outlaw country. Think about how revolutionary that was. No doubt with Willie and Whalen, Christofferson and Jerry, Jeff Walker, all those guys. The formation of metal happens in the 70s. Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, Deep Purple, ACDC, all that starts in the 70s. Arena rock starts in the 70s. Glam rock, David Bowie and Roxy Music, T. Rex, all that great stuff. 70s Americana music. Townes, Van Zant, Guy Clark, Terrific Graham Parsons. The invention of new wave, that also starts in the 70s.

[George]

A lot of these genres, though, thrived in the 80s. They may have started, but they really thrived. And I think they found a little bunch of flashpoints in the 80s, but

[Gordon (Gordo)]

they had a good at least three years towards the end of the 70s that this started. That's the incubator that created the diversity.

[Craig]

Yeah. According to Wikipedia, punk rock started in the mid-70s.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

See there, see there.

[George]

All right.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Goth music, Joy Division, Susie and the Banshees, that all began in the 70s. Reggae music, Bob Marley. The pinnacle of that was in the 70s. Funk, Parliament, Funkadelic, Cooling, the gang, that's all 70s. Now, they also had hits in the 80s, but electronica developed in the 70s. Power pop developed in the 70s. Yacht rock in the 70s. Yeah, that's pretty diverse.

[George]

That's diverse, yes. And I guess I. I just looked at it from the. From the. Again, the genre of just rock. So much of. At least my perception of the seventies and why I really gravitated towards groups like the alarm and U2 and. And the fix in the early 80s was because I thought what was going on in just rock, outside of Van Halen and a few other groups, it's like, man, that stuff has already been done. This is something different. This is some of it based on punk that started, I guess, in the 70s, but I think that music and a lot of those things you listed really thrived and dominated the 80s. And it didn't have much of a foothold in the 70s.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Disco thrived in the 80s.

[George]

No, disco did not. But punk and some of those other things, electronic and that stuff really thrived in the 80s and defined the 80s.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Well, that's what changed in the 80s was the. Really the development of the synthesizer. I know that started in the 70s, but really the 80s is when synthesizers got good enough and diverse enough and polyphonic enough that they could play multiple things. Also, the Lynn drum machine was that invented in the 70s, but it had its heyday in the 80s. The first big hit. I remember that being on is don't you want me.

[George]

Incredible. The sounds of such a great song. Yes.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

And I love. I love Depeche Mode, I love Erasure, I love all those electronic bands that came from England at the time. We were great.

[George]

Yes. And you guys give me a hard time about the Fix, but Rupert Greenall, their keyboard player, was just. Still is incredible. Some of the sounds they made were not popular in the 70s. They thrived in the 80s and they really kind of set the template for it.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

When did the Fix get together,

[George]

man? They may have formed kind of like U2 in 79, I think. 80s. I think they were 80s. Yeah.

[Craig]

Yeah. I just did an AI search. Best decade for music and the fight, at least in the first 10 results. The fight is between the 70s and 90s.

[George]

Really.

[Craig]

Yes.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

I think the 90s have gotten a lot of cred lately. Like, young people love 90s music, and 90s is seen as the real heyday, as kind of the last stand for kind of humanity as far as before the Internet came in and just scooped out our brains.

[Craig]

And for music, it cites the explosion of hip hop and pop. And the 60s is the third decade that's most commonly mentioned for innovation. And then they get to the 80s. So AI at least thinks it's a battle not between the 70s and 80s, but between the 70s and 90s for best decade.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Wow. Yeah.

[Craig]

And they list all the reasons that that emailer listed for the 70s because of all the innovation and the explosion of all the different genres.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

But the 60s, I don't know why that's so low. I mean, that should be the greatest, shouldn't it? In a way, because that was the innovation, right, With Beatles and all these things based on.

[George]

Yeah.

[Craig]

Yep.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

I mean, think about how different, like the most boring music to me when I was a kid was anytime, anytime a 50s song came on, all that 50s stuff just sounded the same to me. It was all so boring.

[George]

But that inspired Elvis and inspired. Well, Elvis was a part of that in the 50s, but inspired the Beatles and the Stones and even Led Zeppelin. I mean, that was the stuff they got started on.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

And think about the big difference between the 50s and the 40s.

[George]

Oh, yeah.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

That's probably the greatest difference. You go from big bands in the 40s to all of a sudden there was. It's almost like the teenager was born in the 1950s, right?

[George]

Yeah.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Like as a demographic, as a. As a.

[George]

Listening to something different. And, you know, and that's when my dad started. I've told you guys many times, he thought Elvis was the end. I mean, when he saw Elvis for the first time, it just short circuited his brain. And he woke up my two oldest siblings and made them come in and watch the Ed Sullivan show and said, look at this nut.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Okay. And we're all used to seeing Elvis because we've grown up with him.

[George]

Yeah.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

But if you were to see that for the first time, his dancing was just weird and jerky and it was a little bit crazy and weird sneer and it didn't make a lot of sense.

[George]

So you're saying my dad was on to something?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

I'm just saying let's not judge Richard Wayne Dunham so harshly here. Because if he came from the big band music where his favorite musicians were up there with a little baton in front of a baton in front Of a band stand.

[George]

Yes.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Waving it around.

[George]

Yes. He liked classical music. And that was. That was not Elvis, by the way.

[Craig]

George Waikaipedia says that the fix started in 1979, but they weren't called the Fix then. Do you know what their name was?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Blue Balls McGillicuddy.

[George]

No.

[Craig]

Yes. Blue Balls McGillicuddy.

[George]

I don't. What is it?

[Craig]

Portraits.

[George]

Gosh.

[Craig]

That was their first name.

[George]

That's right. Because I think they did a record called that later.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

That sounds like such an 80s album title.

[George]

Portraits.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Portraits.

[George]

I think they may have done an EP name that. Gotta love the fix.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Moonlight Whispers Sounds like another 80s album name with just a bunch of really anemic sounding sacks on it and really cheap.

[George]

How about my high school band, Pegasus?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

That sounds gayest high school band name ever.

[George]

It's horrible.

[Craig]

Perfect.

[George]

We were horrible.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Why did you call it Pegasus?

[George]

We thought it was a cool name. Yeah, man, that's not used by anybody.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Hey, I found a picture. I don't know why I have it, but I have a picture of Pegasus, your band, playing that talent show.

[George]

Wow.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Weren't you, like, in. It seemed like you were in khakis that were kind of rolled up and you're wearing a white T shirt and seemed like you're wearing a tie over the T shirt or something. Crazy.

[George]

I think I had, like, a Hawaiian lay because Mick Jagger had done that on that tour.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Okay. And.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

And George is stick skinny. Oh, my God, were you skinny.

[George]

I know. I could not. Believe it or not, I could not, as much as I tried, gain weight. It's what made me quit football. I know I could have been a better golfer. I couldn't gain muscle mass. No. I just burned it up so fast back then. And then I met Craig, and he kept, like, riding a bike and doing stuff, and I wasn't exercising as much. And you were with him at every

[Gordon (Gordo)]

meal, eating the same amount of pizza.

[George]

Yeah.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

But you weren't doing the whole exercise.

[George]

No, I wasn't riding my bike or something like that.

[Craig]

Yeah. We could probably do a whole episode on the psychology of bands. How they choose their name, all the dumb names that have been chosen over the years. Why they dress the way they dress, why they have to look so serious on their album covers.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Or your stupid favorite band is the one who ruined album.

[George]

I mean, your band tried to act like you, too. We've seen that picture of y' all on the stairway, and you're all looking in different directions.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yes. Yes. Believe me.

[Craig]

Guilty.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Guilty. Why?

[Craig]

Why did you have to look so serious.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

You too started it. They started the. Here we are in a landscape and we're just so. We're so contemplative. We can't even engage with the camera.

[George]

We bought it.

[Craig]

I don't.

[George]

I bought it. I thought it was great thinking about

[Gordon (Gordo)]

life and world issues and just please don't distract me with this band photo session. I'm thinking right now the Stones and

[George]

Beatles had some pictures like that though too.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Them.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[George]

On the land. But I think you're right. You two took it to another.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yes. With Bono, like total side profile, looking away from the camera.

[Craig]

Right.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

He was so uninvolved.

[George]

He had too much to think about.

[Craig]

He was.

[George]

He was.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

He was busy loading people's ipod against their will.

[Craig]

And I think most bands, they think about what they're going to wear for hours and hours and hours trying to come up with something that looks like they didn't think about it for more than two seconds.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Right?

[George]

Yeah.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yeah.

[Craig]

So they're so into this. Yeah. Into the image and the look and then the choosing of the names. And I think just in our experience with our radio stations band, I think that sound checks could probably get done in about four minutes. But bands like to pretend that they're. No, this just doesn't sound right. Give me a little more here. And sound checks take an hour. And I think that's all for show. I think it's 100%.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Why would they want to be there longer than they had to be?

[Craig]

Because they all know what an in tune guitar sounds like and how loud this speaker should be. They all know it could get it done in four minutes. But they want to be seen as real professionals that have such fine tune ears you can't even comprehend it. So they take an hour to get their instruments.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Okay. This is all coming from the guy who's not in a band and never been in one. But he has lots of opinions about our lives. Georgia.

[George]

It's not just the musician. It takes time to. Especially if you're using monitors. And I'm not the auto. The audio file that Gordo is. But there is something to running through a song. Okay, we need. I need more backup vocals. I need more bass. I need something. There is something to it and it's not all on the musician. Sometimes whoever is running sound either is not interested. Yeah. Or does not understand what you're telling him.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

It's about getting your. Your mix correct on stage. Yeah, but you are right, junior, in that the musician who goes through and. No, no, put the 63 twin away. I need to use a 64 twin here.

[George]

Yeah. I don't get the stuff my band talks about.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Some of the time you're going to mic that up with an SM 57 or 58 and. Yes. Or 58. That actually does work in this case. And it's going to go through the mains that you have. You didn't select those speakers, and that's what everybody's going to be hearing through. So intricate details of what you're. Which amp you're using on stage, it's just not going to come through.

[George]

And I've told you many times, Gordo's, you're listening to all these different acoustic guitars. Okay, man. If you're going to play that somewhere and plug it in, it doesn't make any difference, right? Well, I mean, electronically it does, but

[Gordon (Gordo)]

obviously you really have to buy two acoustic guitars. You buy one that sounds good, naturally, and then you ought to buy one that sounds good when it's plugged in.

[George]

Yes.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

And those two things are almost completely unrelated. Like, I've had. I've had guitars that sound great acoustically, and you plug them in and they sound like crap. And then I've had guitars also, conversely, that sound great, plugged in. The electronics work well. It's got the right amount of resonance that cut through really nice. And then if you unplug it, it sounds like the biggest bunch of you've ever experienced in your life. But you're better off playing that at a show because no one hears it acoustically.

[George]

Yeah.

[Craig]

By the way, can I say, I have no problem with bands doing all of the stuff they do.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yeah, you do.

[Craig]

Because they are.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

No, you don't.

[Craig]

Because of that word you just used. They're in it for a show. They're showmen or show people. And so I get why they put so much thought into what they wear, what they call an album, what they call their name of their band, put all that show into their sound check to make it look like they're getting so dialed in, because it's all part of the show.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

But when we went to go see you two at the. The Sphere.

[Craig]

Sphere.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Sphere. The Edge. Having to change guitars every single song.

[Craig]

I don't get it. Other than it's the show thing.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

I mean, come on. Hey, come on.

[George]

A master craftsman needs different tools. So he needs different tools.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

I know, but it's crap.

[George]

Those beautiful sounds that he makes.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

And part of this is my basest bias coming out because I'm. I was started off as a bassist and was always a bassist in bands. I'm like, we got a guitarist here that's got to change guitars midway through a song to get the right sound on his solo. And meanwhile I play the same bass for the entire show.

[George]

Could be tuned differently and there and with the edge, he makes so many different sounds. Maybe one guitar is okay.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yeah, that's one thing.

[George]

Your argument Gordon's out.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

That's what I think.

[Craig]

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[George]

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[Gordon (Gordo)]

All right, you ready to do a little news?

[George]

Sure.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Okay, and now it's time for what are people or should people be talking about with a look at the news with your per man for the news.

[George]

You know what? Take two on that.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yeah.

[Craig]

Your voice guy can try it again.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Thank you. No, no, it's perfect. When you get perfection the first time, you leave it. All right. We start off, you know, we. We just had Easter. We just had April Fool's Day, and I didn't do any pranks on April Fool's Day. I don't think you guys did either. I think we're beyond that. That's beneath us to do pranks. But there was some misinformation that went around on April 1st that touched me, and that was the announced death of the 193-year-old tortoise named Jonathan. This is that famous tortoise. It's recognized by the Guinness Book of World's Records or Guinness World Records Book, that he's the oldest living land animal and the oldest tortoise ever. Like, how they can certify that?

[George]

I don't know, though. How do they know he's 193?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

His birth certificate. Yeah, he wrote off and sent in the 10 bucks and got a certified copy. No, because they have pictures of him when he was. He was estimated to be about 50 years old when he was brought to this island of St. Helena in 1882, which is where he still lives. This island of St. Helena. And he was 50 years old in 1882. And we have photographs of him, you know, this whole time. And they know him. I mean, he lives there at the island. Anyway, it was announced on April 1 that he had passed after a long and full life. And, of course, millions of people responded to this because everybody likes these kinds of animals stories. You know, that something so old has been here for so long, and people expressing their condolences. Well, the government there on St. Helena said, this is BS he is not dead. He's still alive, and he's still fine. And they sent out a picture of him roaming the grounds of the governor's residence there. Thank God, in St. Helena. So he's still alive. So thank goodness Jonathan is still alive at 193 years old. What? Amazing.

[George]

So your tortoise could live to 200 years old?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

No, I don't think so. She's a smaller tortoise.

[George]

Tortoise.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

You know what's weird is that those bigger tortoises. You know how we just did our pets episode of the podcast, and one of the crazy things about pets is that you have a smaller dog, they'll live a long time. Yeah, you have, like, a Great Dane. They live like two weeks. They Grow to full size in a week, and then they die at the end of the second week.

[Craig]

But, yeah, bigger dogs have a hard time living to 50.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Bigger dogs, I think Great Danes seriously live to be around average, what, eight years old? Seven or eight, something like that, which is really sad. But it seems like tortoises are kind of different. Those bigger ones live for those incredible long periods of time. That's wild. But I think that the one that I have, she's a Russian tortoise, and they can live up to like, 80 years estimate.

[George]

Okay.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

And she's probably around 50 years old now. But I'm worried about her because just last night I found her. I couldn't find her anywhere, and I went over to where she lives and searched the whole property. Finally found that she had dug up under this log, and she was really, really muddy and she had knocked off another portion of her back shell. She's lost two little sections of her shell, and that worries me. And I can't find anything online about, what do you do? Like, can I buy her a fake shell?

[George]

Maybe put some caulk on it or something?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yeah, yeah. Dap it up somehow. I don't know.

[George]

What if she's all right?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yeah. What if that damage to the shell is the thing that gets her? And it happened under my watch?

[George]

Well, she's had a good. She's had a good run.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Speaking of tortoises, there's a sports tie in to a tortoise story. The brewers rally tortoise.

[Craig]

They have that.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

I'm telling you, there's a lot about this story I don't understand. First of all, it leads with the manager of the Brewers, Pat Murphy. You've heard of his pocket pancakes, right?

[George]

Yeah, I've heard something about that. What is that?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

At some point during a game, he reached inside the pocket of his hoodie and pulled out a pancake and started eating on it. And the camera caught this and everybody was like, wait, wait, did he just pull a pancake out mid game and start eating a pancake?

[George]

That's not the type of food you keep in your pocket. No.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

When have you ever known someone that had pocket pancakes?

[Craig]

Never. The only worst food to keep in your pocket would be soup.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yes, soup is the worst.

[George]

Did Napoleon have tater tots in his zipper pocket?

[Craig]

In his pants?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Gross me out so much.

[George]

Get your own.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Because, you know, all that oil would be migrating out of them. And I'm assuming that Pat Murphy didn't have syrup on these pancakes. Or butter.

[George]

Right.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

I'm assuming it was he was raw dog in the pancake.

[George]

Yeah.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Well, so he had the. He had the pocket pancakes. And I guess the brewers, recently, there was some rain out. They couldn't play. He was in a interview about the rain out, and he said that he was told, no more pocket pancakes, so he had something better. And he pulled out a pocket tortoise. So he had a tortoise, I guess, with him. And it's a baby sulcata tortoise. Now, those live a long time. They can live up to, I don't know, 70 or 100 years, something like that. And they're the ones that get really big, like £100 or more, £200, £300.

[Craig]

Okay.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

£7,000. These sulcata tortoises, that's the kind that our friend Davey found in his neighborhood and went and almost threw in White Rock Lake. A big old sulcata tortoise that can't swim would have drowned immediately. Right. But he didn't know that, you know, same as I did when I first saw this tortoise. I don't know the difference between an aquatic. I thought all turtles were aquatic. No, some turtles are tortoises, and they are land roamers. So. Yeah. So the brewers now have a rally tortoise, and they've released all this footage of him inside the locker room. Then the players feeding this rally tortoise. And they have a tortoise with the

[George]

brewers, so he's in the clubhouse dugout. Do they ever let him crawl around the field?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

And I don't think he can take

[Craig]

infield

[Gordon (Gordo)]

boy, the first. First hopper that hits off that tortoise shell and goes springing up into the air.

[Craig]

He would be a terrible pinch runner.

[George]

Oh, my gosh.

[Craig]

Yeah, Terrible.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

I wish I could sell you guys on tortoises. You ought to get a tortoise. Yeah. The thing is, they live so long that you got to put them in your will because they'll outlive you, and they got to go to somebody. So.

[Craig]

Guys, Pat Murphy has tons of bits, doesn't he?

[George]

Yeah, he does.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yeah. Pancakes and tortoises. If I was to give you two guesses as to the two things he had bits about, wouldn't have guessed either. Put those items together. Speaking of animals, in Peru, they are the first country to recognize the rights of insects. They have the right to. They have, like, legal rights. Now, insects can bring about lawsuits in Peru.

[George]

Okay.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

And this is based on stingless bees. They have this. They have, like, 700 species of stingless

[Craig]

bees, and they're trying to Protect them because people are swatting them, thinking they're stingers.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

I guess so. And they are protecting their habitat and so on. But the bees can themselves file a lawsuit somehow have legal rights now to where they can retain lawyers and get involved in stuff and sue their neighbors and take. Take you to small claims court.

[Craig]

Very small red tape.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

They don't have like a little bitty jurors box and a little bitty judges stand.

[Craig]

Here comes a little bitty nat. Judge sits down.

[George]

So what do you do? I'm an insect lawyer.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

What? Oh, people have been victimized by family members. No, no, I don't think you heard me correctly.

[George]

I said insects, beetles, ants, things like that.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

So yeah, bees. So that's a little quick hit on animal rights for you. They have the right to exist and they have the right to thrive. Okay, these are very generic. Don't dismiss this. This is important. They have the right to live in clean, intact habitats with ecologically stable climate conditions.

[Craig]

So in our country, dogs have those rights? No, no animals have any rights like

[George]

that unless PETA stands up for him.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Well, he's producing right now. He can't. He needs to focus on this.

[Craig]

Like, I'm wondering why this is big news in Peru. I'm guessing because in very few, if any, other countries, insects have rights. But does that mean that in some of these countries, other animals, other creatures do have rights?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yeah, I would think that some animals have rights. But do they have the right to sue people? Which that seems.

[George]

Yeah, a waste of time.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

No, no, Interesting to me is the

[Craig]

rest of the humans can sue on behalf of the insect.

[George]

They've just got nothing going on in Peru.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

In Washington D.C. they put rats on birth control.

[Craig]

Now that's, that's a good idea because

[Gordon (Gordo)]

they're trying to curb the rat population. Do you understand the idea that they have of capturing feral cats? We have this in Dallas Fort Worth, where we're from. They capture feral cats, they fix them and release them back into the wild

[George]

because we need them.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Why?

[George]

To kill rats?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

I don't think so. That's not why they do it. There's some other explanation. I've heard before that it's. It's better to do it this way than to just take them and hold them hostage and. Right, but. And it's not just feral cats. There's like, they'll do this with like, exotic species and, you know, they'll take like, I don't know, snow monkeys or something that are terrorizing a town, and they'll take it and put Them on birth control. Rather than just eliminate them, they put them on birth control. That seems weird to me. Not that I'm advocating to kill them, but it seems like if you want to assure that they won't tear stuff up, that's what you do.

[Craig]

May I share a long standing hot opinion about the animal kingdom?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Okay, sure.

[Craig]

I don't believe in the food chain.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Whoa, what?

[Craig]

Because we always hear.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Because you don't believe it exists.

[Craig]

The bane of my existence are mosquitoes, right? And I've said, I wish we could just do away with mosquitoes. And there's always somebody that says, no, can't do that. It'll disrupt the food chain. And I think that's BS because we have lost hundreds and hundreds of species of things over the years. And here we are.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Started sounding childish.

[Craig]

And here we are, and we still have things eating other things, and we're kind of all getting along. And I know the earth is. Is blowing up, but. But I don't think it's because of that. So, for example, I think we could do without mice and rats and we'd be okay. The.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

You're saying the food chain will adapt?

[Craig]

Yes. The coyotes and the cats that eat all of these rodents, they'll find something else or they won't exist. And. But we'll still be okay.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yeah.

[George]

What if we don't have owls?

[Craig]

We'd be all right because the owls use.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

What if we don't have owls?

[George]

They need the mice and rats to eat. And the mosquitoes eat birds, fish, or things that eat mosquitoes. Bats.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Owls eat rabbits. They don't need rats and mice.

[Craig]

Everything will find something else to eat.

[George]

An owl needs a balanced diet, and you know it.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Okay, now you're out of your death. I'm telling you right now, owls will be fine. Owls will be fine. If you get rid of mosquitoes, though, then you got a problem with bats. Bats eat mosquitoes because that's mainly what bats eat, isn't it?

[Craig]

They'll find something else. They'll start eating pop tarts or something.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Oh, my gosh.

[Craig]

Other than mosquitoes, they will adapt. And if they don't adapt well, then we'll lose them. And that'll be unfortunate, but at least we won't have mosquitoes.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

So I want to know how the DC officials are getting these condoms on rats. Because you got to stimulate them first, don't you?

[George]

The only reason we're doing this story.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Or you just run rat porn and then as soon as they get aroused,

[Craig]

that is not the method you quickly

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Unfurl it onto the thing. Did you ever have the demonstration in school where they did it with a banana?

[Craig]

No.

[George]

We had some sort of demonstration from the aforementioned Mr.

[Craig]

Lobby that I told you all about your tennis coach.

[George]

No, he was just a teacher. It was awful.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

What was bad about it?

[George]

I mean, nobody liked Mr. Lobb, and he was somehow in charge of talking about all this uncomfortable stuff. And I can't remember what he used,

[Craig]

but, yeah, cucumber, maybe.

[George]

Maybe I can't even remember zucchini. I've tried to forget it.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Our teacher, he used a banana, had a condom, and unrolled it onto the banana. And then we were like, God, this is really weird. You know, we're kind of giggling and stuff. And then all the giggling went away when. Then he used it on himself.

[Craig]

No.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

And we thought you didn't have to go that far to show us. We got the idea.

[George]

Stop it.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

With just the condom on the banana, we didn't have to see the banana disappear, then reappear, then disappear.

[Craig]

Did he call you up to the front of the room to help him?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yeah. Well, no, I just had to stand 10ft away. He said, stand 10ft away and just maintain eye contact.

[George]

That, by the way, back to the bat thing. We can realize a world without bats. Ask the Texas Rangers.

[Craig]

I like that. Sports joke.

[George]

Sports joke.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

You go to Hawaii in your head all the time, but when you're actually ready to go, there's Expedia. Flights, hotels, vacation homes, cars. Save more when you bundle so you

[George]

can stop dreaming and start saving.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Expedia, the one place you go to go places. Members only. Savings vary.

[George]

Full send golf.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

You guys know how much I really, really love golf, and I think every

[Craig]

week would be dope to post on the Golf Channel.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

I want to get a lot of guests on here. Saleem's gonna take leap. I'm down to be in it. It's not really work to play golf.

[Craig]

Join the party on the golf course.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

I was like, let's go to the range. So what are we putting on it? We said 10k, right? 10k. All right. We probably bet more than all the other golf channels, right? 10K. Nine holes. Those guys bet for, like, cookies. I'm a shank it. This guy's been trading like a Navy SEAL when it comes to golf. I'm very, very excited. You excited? Yeah.

[George]

Full send Golf.

[Craig]

Follow and listen on your favorite platform.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

You have your choice next. You want to hear about technology? You want to hear about scams? Or do you want to hear wheels off story? Of the week.

[George]

I go wheels off story always.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Okay, sure. Your vote. All right.

[George]

Care about technology.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

From West Virginia, A warrant has been issued for the arrest of a woman after a stabbing inside a chicken coop.

[George]

Okay.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Officers dispatched to the home. To a home along big sandy road in response to disturbance. Does every city have a big sandy road?

[George]

Yeah, Sandy lake, Sandy something.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

There's always a big sandy road, and there's always a telephone road. Have you noticed that?

[George]

Yeah.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

When authorities arrived at the scene, they spoke with a father and daughter who said that they were living inside the chicken coop on the property.

[Craig]

Wow. Why?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

I don't know if there's a house, why not live in the house? Part of it, but they were living inside the chicken coop. Now, the daughter told deputies that she was asleep inside the coop when the suspect, Anna Groves, and another person attempted to break in. So you not only have a family that's so down on their luck, a father and daughter, that they're living inside a chicken coop, but now you found someone who is even more downer on their luck because they're breaking into chicken coops to try to get riches, to improve their life.

[Craig]

Wow.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

They're breaking into them.

[Craig]

This is West Virginia.

[George]

A lot of people struggling in this world, Gordon.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yes, there are, George. And that's why I'm raising awareness for chicken coop.

[George]

People feel lucky that you don't live in a chicken coop.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Deputies, did you know you're going to tell me that?

[George]

No.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

All right. Deputies say the father told them that he had been walking back to the coop when he heard someone, allegedly Anna Groves, the suspect, yell, I'm going to kill you. The daughter told them that Groves allegedly threatened to kill her as she was entering the chicken coop. And in response, the daughter pulls out a knife and stabs Groves. Both Groves and the other suspect, they flee, fled the coop, sure enough, before law enforcement arrived. And then the officers found out that someone had been taken to a hospital with a stab wound. A woman. And so they said, all right, that's probably this Anna Groves that we're looking for. So they go and they start talking to her. Was her at the hospital? She said, this is oddly worded. Groves admitted that she did not threaten to kill the daughter, admitted that she did not threaten to kill the daughter, but allegedly intended to beat her ass over the money she alleged that the daughter had stolen from her. She then went on to say that when she rose into the coop, so she had to go up through the trap door in the bottom of it. So when she rose up through it she said she felt what felt like a punch and then a piercing pain. And that's when she realized she had been stabbed by the chicken coop.

[George]

By the chicken.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

By the chicken. No, not by the chicken. By the chicken coop. Daughter.

[Craig]

And then when the cops found her, she had egg on her face.

[George]

All right, I'm gonna support that one.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Well, not with laughter, though.

[George]

Well, no, but I'm giving credit.

[Craig]

Yeah, I prefer the laughter.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

You prefer the laughter more than them. Okay, okay. All right.

[George]

I wasn't gonna laugh. I'm just gonna give you credit for, I think, a good joke.

[Craig]

Appreciate it.

[George]

Okay. Police take a lot of grief, and sometimes they should with how they treat people. We expect them to operate with, you know, some wisdom and not be violent or anything like that.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

But the stuff you're saying, the cops should have blown everyone away.

[George]

No, I'm just saying this is another example of the beaten down stuff they have to face every day. Drunks, somebody on drugs, someone in a chicken coop with a knife wound. I mean, stuff they. We are such a train wreck right now as a society. No, I feel for the policemen who have to go. And women who have to go through this. These calls every day.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

And the stories you do, the policemen and these women. Who are the women you're talking about?

[George]

Police women. I didn't mean to say. It's just a.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Okay, Just the police.

[George]

All male police force. Yeah.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Although you think it should be.

[George]

No, I don't think that I'm giving

[Gordon (Gordo)]

you an opportunity to go on that rant.

[George]

The stories you've done with us for 32 years, they're all so wheels off. And it's the police who have to talk these people off a leg.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Okay, but police would much rather respond to a chicken coop family than a triple shooting.

[George]

Absolutely. But that, too, they have to.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

This. This they've got some giggles out of. Guaranteed. The officers on the. After leaving this scene shut off their body cam so they could laugh a little bit.

[George]

No, it was like, oh, gosh, we got to get an ambulance. It got stabbed. And this other person's talking about how they're going to beat their ass or have to separate family members, probably. Meantime, chickens are flying all over the place. It's a.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Well, you're adding to the details that you don't know what happened. So you're saying this was a pretty chicken thing that this woman did, Stabbing?

[George]

I think so.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Okay.

[George]

I think so.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

All right, so that was wheels off story. And then I do want to do one more medical story before we get into our hypotheticals this week's hypotheticals in gordo's corner. You know what you can do to prevent prostate cancer?

[Craig]

Yes. You can have as many orgasms as you can possibly muster in a week or a day or an hour. The more. The more you have it, the healthier your prostate.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Anyway. Visit your doctor. That's what I was going to say. Go to your doctor and get an annual physical.

[Craig]

Okay, now tell us the real story.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Craig has different ideas. Yeah, he's painting his walls over there trying to prevent prostate cancer. No, but actually, now that you bring it up, Craig, this is interesting. Now that he brings it up, there is a nonprofit that's focused on cancer prevention and early detection. Prostate cancer. It's called F cancer. Why are you rolling your eyes?

[George]

Because we're so dumb as a society. The only reason we can really join a cause of fighting cancer and contributing to cancer research is to call it F Cancer.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yes, to fight cancer. I would think that that's probably what stands for. What did you think it stood for?

[George]

You know what it stands for? Keep going.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

So they are promoting this idea that you should in this safe space. And we're helping men. You should self ejaculate.

[Craig]

Told you.

[George]

This is not new information. This was out there like 20 years ago.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

As much as you can.

[George]

And this story recycles about every 33 weeks.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

As much as you can. They have a mission statement. They say to beat cancer off.

[George]

Literally. Yeah, we just put different titles on

[Gordon (Gordo)]

everybody there imploring men to ejaculate for their health.

[Craig]

It's kind of like any body part. Use it or lose it. You got to use your brain or it's going to deteriorate. You got to use your muscles. And in this case, you've got to use your prostate.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

And the emerging research on prostate cancer and ejaculation shows that there's a correlation between the amount of times you.

[George]

I know that's been out there for a long time, but it recycles every month, so it's a good reminder.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

You're saying there's a refractory period on this news story?

[George]

Yes. And it's just so people like Gordon can crack all the jokes, and there's no jokes. They beat off cancer and stuff like that. There's no jokes that'll get him through the day.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Data from long term health and lifestyle studies assessing more than 50,000 men since 1986 suggests that those who ejaculate 21 or more times per month had up to a 22% lower risk of prostate cancer than Those who ejaculated less.

[George]

Well, it's been a good one.

[Craig]

Oh, no. So men, our listening audience. Men get after it, and women help your men get after it.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yes, yes. That's your play tonight. Say, honey, will you help me prevent prostate cancer tonight?

[George]

And this is for my health. Three weeks from now, when he says cites another research effort that comes up with the same information.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Before we head out the door, can you kind of prevent prostate cancer?

[Craig]

Real quick, hey, before you go to sleep, do you mind preventing prostate cancer?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Honey, I hate to wake you up right now. I'm sensing prostate cancer coming on. Can you help me? So, all right, 21. Do you think that you hit that number? Wait, George, I'm looking at you crazy.

[George]

No, I'm looking at you.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yes, I surpassed this 21, if you

[George]

finally answered a question.

[Craig]

Yeah, I hit that number in a day.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Oh, whatever.

[Craig]

Do you think that there are, you know what? There are teenagers that hit that number in a day.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yes. You're making that proclamation right now.

[Craig]

I'm making that proclamation.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Okay.

[George]

All right.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yes, go ahead.

[George]

Warned about this before.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Go ahead, George.

[George]

No, I wasn't going to say anything. I'm just listening.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

No, you have to answer. I answered it. I answered.

[George]

I gave you my answer.

[Craig]

Well.

[George]

Oh, well, it's been a good one.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

So you do not ejaculate at least 21 times a month?

[George]

No. And I don't think that's three out

[Craig]

of every four days.

[George]

No, there's no way. And you don't either?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Absolutely either.

[Craig]

Yes.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yes. I'm determined to have a good prostate

[George]

man. If there's a story with prostate or ejaculate, he will do it.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Who are you pointing to?

[George]

You.

[Craig]

Who's you? This is an audio.

[George]

Gordon Keith, the person who asked the question.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

They say, though, that if you do not hit like, it's not a magical number, so you should at least try to increase your frequency. No matter if you're well below 21 or not, they say you should try to have more.

[Craig]

So men get after it, and women help your men get after it, right?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yes. According to the American Cancer Society, prostate cancer is the second most common cancer in men in the US after skin cancer.

[Craig]

Wow.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

One in eight men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer in their lifetime.

[Craig]

I have several friends, all kind of same age, who have been diagnosed.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Really?

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

With prostate cancer?

[Craig]

Yes.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

It's a really weird cancer because you can have it for, like, forever. Like, I have a friend who also was diagnosed with it at the age of, like, 39 or 40. It was really young. Maybe he's in his early 40s. But they say it's so slow growing. You monitor it. He was told. They said, yes, your number indicates that we would consider you having prostate cancer. He was like, oh, crap. What do I do about this? What do I do? They said, we just watch it. That's all. You just monitor it now, of course, if it gets advanced, then that's what you're trying to prevent. If it gets bad. Obviously, some guys do have surgery to have their prostate removed and all that, and that can cause a lot of problems. So the best idea, of course, with any cancer is prevention.

[Craig]

Get that test. Either the digital test or the PSA test. I know, Gordo. You prefer the digital.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yes, I prefer the digital digital. I also like the analog, too, though. The analog is good as well.

[George]

My gosh.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

I'm the only one of us that got a prostate exam at the age of 23. So that's a true story by a drunk doctor.

[George]

Is he still practicing eyes for you?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yeah, I. I did look him up, and he's still practicing. And it was triggering to me to see his picture. So thank you.

[George]

That's why I asked.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Thank you, Joe. I prefer not to be asked about it. I was thinking about that. Well, for not to be asked about it.

[George]

Okay, you out high horsed me.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Okay. And then finally, we have to end with. With this. And now it's time for Quinn's philosophical conundrums. And here is the man who has the conundrum for you. It's going to be me. All the Gordon people. All right, here we go. The conundrum this week, trying to think of which one I should do. I think I'm going to do this one here. Would you rather get along really well with everyone no matter what the conflict is? Like, you could be next to somebody who says that they're spouting Nazi stuff and you don't really disagree with them too much.

[Craig]

Okay.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Or make a million dollars a year and low grade argue with everyone you come in contact with. I think it should just be the last part of this low grade argue. So for a million dollars a year, would you low grade argue with everyone you come in contact with? No.

[Craig]

That would be exhausting. You would hate your life. It would not be a million bucks,

[George]

and people would hate.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

And you never have to work a day in your life.

[George]

People would so hate you.

[Craig]

No way.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

You just have to kind of start minor arguments over everything.

[George]

And I've known people like that. And you're ready to strengthen they do it for free. Yeah, and they do it, but this is.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

This is a million dollars.

[Craig]

I don't know.

[George]

Maybe they signed up for this hypothetical.

[Craig]

A million dollars a year could buy

[Gordon (Gordo)]

you a lot of free friends. It's like. Well, you know, it's kind of a beating to be around Gordon. But he does pick up the check all the time at the ME at every meal.

[Craig]

George, I think you're onto something. I think he did this hypothetical many years ago. That's how he affords all those typewriters.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

No, I didn't. But yes. Just the poor person behind the counter is like, here it is, you know, chicken sandwich and fries. Oh, fries. I'm supposed to be excited about fries? I don't know what you mean, sir. It's just this is your order.

[George]

Oh, is it? Is it my order?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Okay, I'm gonna go eat my order now.

[Craig]

You'd be a miserable human. No one would like you. You'd hate yourself.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

I think it'd be great.

[Craig]

It would not be worth that.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

I want to do a matter of fact. I'm gonna bargain with this, and I'll do it for $500,000.

[George]

Yeah.

[Craig]

Why?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Talking the hypothetical, they're offering you a million now.

[George]

Gordon did this for free from age 16 to. To about 27. So, yeah. What's the big deal?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Oh, dang it. So you guys both said no and it wasn't even close.

[George]

No, no. That would drive you insane.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

What a defeating hypothetical round of. All right, now I got to hit you with another one that makes more that will hopefully gain some traction.

[George]

Okay.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Million bucks a year. Would you agree to never turn left?

[George]

Okay, so endless contract.

[Craig]

You can do this for 10 years, 20 years.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yes.

[Craig]

Or you can stop after one year.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

But let's say that there's a penalty the first time you do turn left. Like, it's a hundred thousand dollar penalty.

[Craig]

Just driving, not walking.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

I think it's got to be walking too.

[Craig]

What a beating.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

So to turn left while walking, you have to spin all the way around

[Craig]

to the right in your house. To turn left into your bedroom, you have to go right.

[George]

Series of rights.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Yes.

[Craig]

I would probably do that for a year just to get the million.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

A million dollars a year.

[Craig]

It would be a ridiculous year, though.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

But you gotta.

[George]

I'll say no. I think you would go insane. You would lose it. Because I'm just thinking like, okay, so you could have somebody else drive you and take a left. Right. Or they also have to take the right.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

I think that in the spirit of the hypothetical, they Would also have to take a right.

[Craig]

How would you tell the waymo, though?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Is there not a preference button on there that says I don't think there's

[Craig]

a hypothetical forever only right turns? No, and I. I take it back. I would not do it if you included the walking thing, because I just thought about this situation I'm in. So when we're done with the podcast, I have to stand up and instead of turning left to get my bag, I have to turn right, do a 360. No, I'm not. No. And you got a million dollars just driving. Yes, I do it for just driving, but not walking. No way.

[George]

And I think you have to add. You can't just, like round to the right. You have to square off each turn. So you have to take a series.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

Okay, that's a beating. That's too much of a beating. Yeah.

[Craig]

You can't just go in a circle. No. You have to go around the block.

[George]

Right.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

All right, well, we got to end another right, because I'm going to try this experiment and it's going to take me a while to get down to my car right now. Thanks, Peter Welton, for being our producer. Thank you to you guys for being such good friends for doing podcast fun with me.

[George]

That was fun.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

I always love talking to you. And thanks to our podcast listeners. A reminder, our back catalog completely open and available to you at all times of the day. And our back catalog does really well. We've heard that people are actually going back and listening to the old ones all the time.

[George]

And it's free.

[Gordon (Gordo)]

It's totally free. Totally free. And don't forget, coming up next week, you may hear an announcement about merch from Giorgio. So we're all excited about that. Thanks for listening to the Musers, the podcast. Hi, I'm Joe Salsi. I hosted the Stacking Benjamins podcast. Most economists agree, small amount of inflation is actually good. 2% is what you're going for. But why is everybody freaking out? Oh, because it's the fallout. People don't track their budget. You have this slow slipping that happens every month. So all of a sudden you go, man, I don't have any money. The reason is not two. People go to a restaurant, the bill is 60 bucks for two. Two guys walk into a restaurant, they start screaming.

[George]

Isn't that hilarious?

[Gordon (Gordo)]

$60 stacking Benjamins. Follow and listen on your favorite platform.