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This is a Soul Fire production. Hello. Hello. How are we doing? Missed you all. Took a little break. Had a lovely little hospital stint with my daughter for a week and a half. If you didn't see on Instagram, here's a quick little update. So we were in Texas visiting Connor's family and his stepfather was holding Ro and was like, hey guys, I feel something weird in Ro's stomach. This doesn't feel right. So we started poking and prodding and we're like, yeah, that doesn't feel right. That feels worse than just her being constipated and having a hard stomach. So we went to the emergency room and turns out she had a cancer. Like cancer, ish, cancer adjacent. It's kind of what the doctor said, tumor the size of a fucking grapefruit, which in a seven month old baby is their whole stomach. And so it was a really tough four, five days waiting to get a biopsy, get the results, and then it's a one in a million tumor, literally. So they were calling all over the country to other doctors and specialists to figure out what to do, and finally came up with the approach of, let's go in, let's extract this, let's hope that it's not touching other organs, and let's get this motherfucker out. We could have gone with the protocol of taking this medication and trying to shrink it, but the medication was really hard to get our hands on and I think was a blessing in disguise that we couldn't get it fast enough and that we did the surgery because thank God, it wasn't attached to any other organs. So they had to take out 3 or 4 centimeters of her small intestine and then they reattached it. But the fear of it being touching or connected to her liver, kidney, it wasn't so super fortunate and blessed, such an insane 10 days. Still waiting on pathology results from the tumor itself to see if she does need any other treatment. There's potential that there were cells left behind. So do we put her on that medication? Is she just monitored with scans for the next eight years? Not totally sure of that protocol yet. But we made it through and I learned a lot. I learned a lot about the strength and resilience of my daughter even at this young age, and my own strength and resilience and my incredible husband and the way he showed up for both of us, also really learned about how incredible our community is. I called in some fucking favors and ended up on the phone with some of the top people at some of the top Hospitals in the country, in the world. And I received so many sweet messages from friends and family. People showed up to the hospital, brought us food, sent us food, sent care packages. Everyone and their grandmother literally was praying for my daughter. And I just feel really, really grateful. I feel really grateful, and I feel really humbled. And I say all that one to just update you because, you know, tell you a lot about my life. So let's keep on doing the thing. But I also learned a lot in this experience. And afterwards. We've only been home for two weeks now as of recording this. And something that really has became very prevalent in front of mind for me is the idea of healing. And the reason this came up is because after we left the hospital, one, I was exhausted. I didn't sleep for a week and a half. And so I was physically exhausted, emotionally exhausted, spiritually exhausted. I was the rock for a baby being traumatized, right? And that's a lot on your system. And emotionally showing up and not. Not going through these waves and extremes, but really just being present and locked in and focused and making life as normal and fun as possible as you can in the oncology wing of a hospital, you know? And so when we left, I kept like. I would say this to Connor. I would say this to my friends. I thought about it in my head. I'm like, I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. The giant release, the processing, the. Oh, my God. Holy, that was so intense. I need to, like, go through a process every day. I'm like, okay, I'm waiting. Okay, I'm waiting. Maybe today's the day. Maybe I'll finally let go and just, like, never came. So this weekend I just had this thought and I was like, maybe I don't need it. What if I don't need to have a therapy appointment or have this big cry or this giant processing of this thing I went through that my kid went through. What if I actually lived and breathed the integration as it was happening? What if I walked my walk and showed up present and engaged in a hard experience in a challenging time and regulated myself and my daughter as it went and cried and got upset, but felt extremely grounded and available to this experience as it was happening so that when I came out of it, I didn't have to go through a whole process. I needed sleep. I needed a massage. I needed to take a deep sigh of relief that my child was okay and that we weren't in the hospital anymore. But I tuned in with myself and I got really quiet and really Honest. And I was like, am I okay? Am I bypassing my ignoring this? Have I not landed? What is this? And I felt on the most deep, true level for me that my soul was more than okay, that my heart was more than okay. And that started my thought process of what is healing? Because for me, healing has looked like, and felt like sometimes this overly dramatized. Oh my God, I have to like deal with this thing. And I'm on the floor crying and I'm feeling this emotion. And sometimes like, yes, totally valid. We, we get to process. Healing is a thing. I'm not saying it doesn't exist. I've done it, done it for years. What I'm saying is that I've done it and I've done it for years. And I no longer feel a need to heal, to be healing, to go through something and then need to process it after. Does this mean I don't think I'm ever going to heal again? Or that I'm never going to do the work? No, that's not what I'm saying. I believe in the power of healing. I believe in doing the work. What I'm saying is that I've done so fucking much of this shit that I feel complete. I feel complete with the need to heal. And I am ready to live my life in an integrated way, which means that I've taken all the tools and all the resources and everything I've learned over the past five plus years, and I am now living it and breathing it. And you know my favorite word? Embodying it. I am embodying the essence of healing by living my life without an attachment to a breakdown or a process. My healing no longer needs to look the way I thought healing was supposed to look or needed to look for a long time. I don't have to sit in a ceremony. I don't need ayahuasca. I don't need to talk it out. It is felt in my body. I clear it, I choose, I move through it. I walk with doesn't own me. It doesn't dictate my life. Healing is a part of the journey. It's a part of our process as humans. But I am no longer a slave to the identity, the idea, the concept of I need to heal because I am broken or something about me needs to be fixed. So when we got out of the hospital, I got home and I was like, I need all my supplements and all my things so I feel better physically after not sleeping and being in a disgusting hospital for 10 days. All you want is all the healthy stuff. And I just was craving my organifi. So first thing I did was get back on my magnesium. The organifi magnesium is the best. Best. I take usually like two or three capsules at night. I know that I am deficient, and it's a huge part of postpartum healing and just taking care of your body and better sleep. So that was the first thing I did. And then I made my concoction again. My organifi element, boron, trace minerals. It's organifi, red and pure, by the way. And I put a little lemon in there, shake it up. I got that back in my body as soon as possible. And I was like, oh, my God. Did not realize how dehydrated I was. And I just felt like I could breathe. And it was such a relief to be putting good stuff back in my body. So if you haven't tried my concoction, if you haven't had the magnesium yet, life changing, you can DM me. I will send you the written concoction too. If you're like, I don't get it, happy to help, go to Organifi.com use the code Kelly Moore. You will get 20% off. Also. Dreamland, baby. So we were on vacation, so I brought her dreamland baby sound machine. I also had her transition swaddle with us. So when we were in the Airbnb, she had her swaddle, which is life changing, life changing, you guys. This weighted swaddle is the best, best, best. It helps calm her so much. But then when we got into the hospital, she had tubes and shit everywhere, so we couldn't put the swaddle on her. All I could do was use the sound machine, which I fucking love. It was amazing. It has all these different sounds, different lights. It's literally the easiest thing to use. Push it on and off. And I ran that 247 for 10 days straight. Selfishly for me, but also for her. I know that it helps her sleep. And what happened was people were coming in and out every 30 minutes to check her vitals and ask me questions and clean the room. I'm like, everyone get out. But the door kept opening and she kept waking up. And so having this sound machine, I swear, was our saving grace because I would put her down for a nap and we had that going. And it would keep her from waking up so much. And even when the door was opening and closing, it would either keep her from hearing it or she would just sleep through it. And it helped my nervous system from all the beeping and all the talking and people coming in and out. I had the wave sound most of the time and I just felt like, okay, just focus on the waves. I can get some sleep. It will calm me down. Just incredible. So if you have not tried out Dreamland baby, all the things, they are the best. We have like 12 swaddles and the sound machine and some bibs and some little onesies. Their shit is so cute. I highly recommend. So if you go to the link in the show notes, use the code Kelly Moore, you'll get 20% off all Dreamland Baby products. I have lived through what I would call traumatic experiences. I've had trauma. Being in the hospital with your 7 month old baby for a week and a half, not knowing what kind of cancer or cancer like thing is inside of them is a traumatic experience. And I'm okay and she's okay. I've dealt with sexual assault. I've worked through it. It's not my identity. I don't choose to need to heal from it anymore. It does not own me. I have gone through so much of the work and the processes and showing up and being willing to go there and dive deep and being raw and vulnerable and crying and shaking and la la la la, Done all the things. I feel good. I feel complete, you guys. But what I find and the reason I felt so compelled to do this show for you, for me and for you, is that this industry makes money and feeds off of our need to fix ourselves. And I'm here to call bullshit because none of us are broken. We don't need to be fixed. And at some point your journey of healing in one way or another gets to be complete. Does that mean that I'm not going to heal the rest of my life? No. But my healing looks different. And I don't feel a need to be fixed or saved or rescued or put back together or healed. I am healed. I am in my era of a healed bad bitch. How about that for you? And I'm not waiting for any healer or therapist or anyone to anoint me as like you have graduated from the program of healing. No, I decided I'm good. Thank you very much. That's what I love about my therapist. She's like, I don't want to see you. She never would say that. But she's like, call me when you need me. And in the last year, I've called her one time to have one hour session to work through something that I needed a different perspective on and some support in that process. But what's the point of doing all the work, listening to all the podcasts, reading all the books, taking the courses, being in the masterminds, processing in Ayahuasca, taking mushrooms? What is the fucking point of doing all this stuff if we don't actually integrate it and feel complete in the process? Like it's just this forever thing that we're constantly doing? And what I'm saying is that I want to be present to my life and have fun and integrate as things come. And not everything is the end of the world, including what we just went through as a family. And I'm sure some of you are saying, but what if it had been worse? Yeah, of course, things can always be worse, I guess. But in the context that I have, in the experience that I have, in the life that I'm living, in the way I view things, in the circumstances that I have been met with and in the choices I have made, this is what I choose. And I would like to think that whatever is thrown at me in my life, whatever I attract, whatever shows up, I have the ability to choose my response. And my response is I have every goddamn resource and tool in the book to navigate anything thrown at me. I was thinking about this yesterday because I always try and play devil's advocate before I do a show. And I'm like, but what about this? What about that? And are you sure? I'm like, okay. All these worst case scenarios that we think about, right? So for example, Connor leaves me, what about then I have the tools and resources to navigate that. I have the self worth and value to know that I will be okay and I will show up fully to my life. Had things been worse with Roe, had we had to stay there, had it been a different type of cancer, I believe that I have the power and ability to show up for my life in this way, to integrate as I go and to not need a breakdown, to move through my life in a way that feels aligned and true to me. And I don't need to virtue signal or say, look at me now. I'm healing through this process. Because so much of this space in personal development and spirituality has become that it's a contest of who's healing better than who. I'm done. I don't want to be healing anymore. I'm pretty dope. My life is amazing. I'm awesome. There's shit that's going to come up and I will move with it. That's my choice. We don't need to stay addicted to the chaos and the process and the constant need for validation that we are doing the work. I was telling my girlfriends the other day, I've never felt more spiritual in my entire life than I do now. And I feel zero desire to talk about it. Although someone did ask me to do a show about where I am with all of that. So I may address that and talk through that, but I don't feel a need to show it or look at me and how spiritual I am. And I'm so special because I have this process or this ritual or. No, I'm just living my fucking life. Living my fucking life. And I want to give you permission to live your fucking life. So I have been building this wait list for a hot minute, and of course, life happens. So we're still waiting. But I wanted to remind you to get on the waitlist for Soul Strategy. I am going to take you through the entire process to intentionally create a life you love, to cut the bullshit, to become your bravest you, to own your courage, to really let your soul guide you to your purpose and your pleasure and your. Your peace, to receive success. This is not like anything I've ever done, and I'm making it super affordable. And I'm really excited to bring this to so many of you because I do feel like this is my soul's work poured into a program. So go to the show notes, make sure you hop on the wait list, and you will be the first to know. There will be limited spots, so if you're not on the wait list, you may not make it in. But if you're on the waitlist, you'll be the first to know about Soul Strategy. And this is not a program about healing. This is about fucking power and owning your shit and going for it. So can't wait to see you in there. My mom always used to say, a bored Kelly is a dangerous Kelly. Because when my hands have nothing to do, I get anxious, nervous, stressed out. I feel like I always have to be fixing something or doing something. And what I have realized is that in personal development, in the process of healing, it's made me always look for the thing that needs to be fixed. And I posted a video about this today. We're so good at identifying all the ways we need to be fixed or what's wrong or where we still need to do the work. We're not really good at identifying how amazing we are and how big our hearts are and how beautifully we show up in the world and the way we impact others and the kindness that we exude, whatever that is for you. We're not good at identifying all the positives. We harp on the negatives, we harp on the holes. And as fixers and control freaks and doers and people pleasers were like, constantly nitpicking and diving in and how do I fix this? How do I fix this? It's never enough. It's never enough. You fix, quote, unquote, fix one thing and then you have to move on to the next thing. I need to fix this now. And I know this because I've done it. It's a pattern, a hundred percent. And what I'm saying is we don't have to live like that. You don't constantly need to be fixing yourself. I just live in a state of self awareness, the ability to take responsibility, to apologize, to pivot, to shift, to listen to my internal compass and guidance and say, what is the next step for me? What is the path for me? Not what's right or wrong? Not, is this the right choice or the bad choice? Or am I bad for doing. No, none of that. I just listen to my internal compass and feel guided by that. And when I feel sticky or uncomfortable, I sit with it. And if I need to talk it out, I talk it out. If I need to take a bath, if I need to work out, if I need to go for a walk, if I need to cry, I just do it as I go. I think it's so important to let go of this identity of being a fixer because you think you're doing a good job at the work and you follow all the Instagram accounts and do you know the memes and all the things and yeah, it's funny and we learn a lot. And I know that's a big part of our process of becoming aware of our own patterns and our own bullshit. And so much of this show is speaking the truth about the bullshit, cutting it out, letting it go, stepping into our best, brightest, biggest selves. And along the way, I hope you remember how awesome you are. You're not wrong, you're not broken, you don't need to be fixed. There are ways that you can show up more as your genuine, authentic self. There are ways you can apologize for hurting someone's feelings or take responsibility where you're meant to take it. But this idea that things need to be fixed all the time, this idea that you're constantly in the wrong and you're not doing it right, that part of healing, I'm fucking over. I posted a little bit about this the other day, and the number of responses I got was like, thank God, I love this for you. Like, I love this for me too. Thank you very much. But how many of us are actually at this point where we can say, I'm breaking up with healing and I'm just gonna live my goddamn life and I will take it as. We don't have to wait for the other shoe to drop. We don't have to wait for this, like, dramatic process. Maybe you just need to dance it out, sing a song, play with your dog, go for a walk and integrate it. There's nothing wrong with you for not needing to go into some deep thing. Sometimes it's called for. Sometimes we need to go there. Sometimes we need a really cathartic body shaking cry. What I'm saying is that it gets to look the way it needs to look. For you, not for anyone else, not based on anyone else's experience. Healing has become a commodity. You are not a commodity. You get to take care of yourself in a way that feels true and good for you. And if that means that you never break down or you break down all the time, I don't care. Do what feels good for you. Listen to your soul's nudges. Process in a way that is aligned for where you are going, what your heart needs. But don't feel like you need to be fixed. And don't feel like the second you have some awareness, you need to move on to the next thing. This is better. Okay, now let me find something else. You don't need to do that. I'm done healing. I feel complete in this way. Maybe you do too. I love you guys.