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Welcome to the Overwhelmed Brain Podcast, helping you navigate the difficulties in your life and relationships. These are my personal opinions. Always seek a professional when you're making choices about your mental health and well being. Welcome to the show. Glad that you are here today. I'm gonna go over something that I have a request on and that is defining what a healthy relationship looks like. I talk about toxic relationships a lot. I talk about difficult ones, emotionally abusive ones, on both this show and my other show, Love and Abuse. And I think some people want to know what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like because I could probably name the signs and symptoms of a difficult or toxic relationship day long. So I understand that that list can go on forever because some behaviors or a lot of behaviors can be seen as toxic or abusive or whatever. So my advice is to listen to every episode where I talked about toxic behavior and just do the opposite. That's not my advice, I promise. I actually have. I've written them all down here, the top qualities of a healthy relationship. So hopefully if you're in a relationship or you're looking for one, or you want to compare this list to what you've been through in your past relationships, hopefully this will be helpful to you. And just like everything I talk about on this show, maybe you know this, maybe you don't, I actually reflect on what I talk about, what I teach, what thoughts and opinions I have about everything I talk about. So that reflection is all about my own life. So as I read this list, just like I've done since 2013, since I started this episode, started this show, I think about what I'm talking about to make sure that I also follow my own advice. So as I read this list, it'll be something that I also reflect on and may comment on every now and then. So I'm just going to get right into it. Let me bring up my screen here. Okay. How many do I have? I have 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Oh, perfect. I have a list of 10 qualities of a healthy relationship. Probably not the only qualities of a healthy relationship, but I believe if you have all of these, then you're in pretty good shape. Now, I know if you've been listening every week, I just had an episode on the bare minimum of a relationship. Like, what is the bare minimum? And that quality, the thing I talked about in that episode is sort of here, in different parts of this, different qualities that show up. So I'm not going to give away the ending of that episode because I want you to listen to that, if you haven't listened to it yet, and I think it's called, I have it right here, the bare minimum needed for any close relationship. It was released June 21, 2026, if you want to look for it. So with that said, I mentioned that episode because this is sort of a part two to that. But I think it's probably one of the most important lists, one of the most important set of qualities at least that I've created as far as what a healthy relationship looks like. And I walk my talk. I've been in this relationship that I'm in for almost 12 years. It is the healthiest, most satisfying relationship I've ever been in. Mostly because I had to change my own behaviors. And once I did, that changed a lot of things. And Asha, my wife, she had to go through some changes as well. Not that she was the toxic one. She was actually the recipient, the victim of toxic behaviors for a long time. So her behaviors had to change as well, you know, with boundaries and understanding what emotionally abusive behavior looks like and manipulative behavior looks like. And we've had many, many conversations about past relationships, my behaviors, her behaviors, and how it wasn't that she tolerated them, it's that she didn't understand them. She didn't understand what a healthy relationship looked like. And so she tells people, this is what a healthy relationship looks like now. I mean, in this relationship, this is what it looks like. So it feels good to me for her to say things like that. I remember actually the very first time she said these words, and it really hit me hard because I'll just tell you what she said. She said, you are not judgmental at all. I've never felt judged by you. That was the weirdest thing for me to hear because that was not me in the past. It is now. I mean, I feel like it is now, but it wasn't me in the past. I was very judgmental. I had sky high standards. Nobody could meet them ever. And so for her to say that really hit me hard in a good way, because that meant I did a lot of healing. It meant that I was closer to a healthier, loving approach and perspective in relationships. And maybe I had finally gotten there, at least gotten as close as I could possibly get. And of course, I'm always working on it, always working on becoming the best partner and being the best person I can be, while also honoring myself, while also knowing that I have wants and needs and I have to take care of those. And this goes right along the lines of my Definition of a relationship, or at least the components that make up a relationship, which is me, you, and us. There are three entities in a relationship. Me, you, and us. I see it that way because you have to take care of yourself. I, I have to take care of myself and we have to take care of each other. And each one requires energy, each one requires time, each one requires investment. So if I'm just taking care of the relationship, what's happening to me? If she's just taking care of herself, what's happening to the relationship? If I'm just taking care of myself, what's happening to the relationship? Or both of us are just working on our own wants and needs and never invest in each other, or in this case, the entity of us, what happens to the relationship, what happens to us? It's all affected. It's like a Venmo diagram. That middle part is the most powerful part of all of this. And when all three come together, it creates an amazing relationship. So let's just get started on this list. Let me switch screens. The first component is mutual support of each other's happiness. This is very much in line with what I just talked about in the last episode, so I'm kind of giving the plot away. But if you support someone else's happiness and they support yours, that is an amazing approach to. I mean, this is like, this is bare minimum, right? That's the approach to creating a strong, healthy bond and love and connection. And this is just my opinion only. These are my opinion. But I've been working on myself. I've been working on the relationship aspect of how I show up and how I invest into my partner and how I invest into the relationship. And I've also worked with now thousands of people to help them connect at a deeper level or any level. When there's no connection or a bad connection, like a bad, bad phone call, it's a bad connection. I can't hear you. That can happen in relationships. So yes, mutual support of each other's happiness. If you support mine and I support yours, what could be better? I mean, that's amazing. So when you have that, that is an investment into the three parts of the relationship I was talking about you, me and us. The next one is both people work on the relationship. What does that mean? That, that means that you can't have it one sided. You can't point the finger, or they can't point the finger at you and say, you're the one, you're the problem, you need to work on this. And I'm going to go over here and do what I'm going to do because nothing's wrong with me if both of you aren't invested. The relationship, it starts to sink on one side. It lists, yes, it's a play on words relationship. And when only one person is working on it, I've seen this many times. The ship starts to sink on one side, and so the other side, hey, they think nothing's wrong and they're perfect and there's nothing they need to do. And then the other, the side that's listing, they think I'm doing everything I possibly can and I'm trying harder and I'm trying harder and maybe I should try this instead. And they're adapting and evolving and trying all these different things to make the relationship work. And the other person not doing anything. So you can't have that. That doesn't work. A relationship like that does not work. So you need both people to work on it. And if there truly is one problem, one problem person, and they really believe that the other person is the problem, it's still a problem as a whole in the relationship. That would be like saying, hey, I'm happy. I'm sorry that you're not happy, but I am, so it's your problem. How does that affect the relationship? The three parts of the relationship, One person's happy, the other person's not, which means the relationship is not. That's how it's affected. This is why one affects the other. It all comes together. So if somebody believes, truly believes, that they don't have a problem and they're not a problem, and they both won't work on it together, they both won't work toward a solution which involves what? Responsibility. Taking responsibility. And let me just clarify this, because sometimes I work with emotionally abusive people who. And the victims of emotional abuse who say that I'm not the problem, they are, and the other person says, no, I'm not the problem, they are, doesn't matter. You both take responsibility for your role. So even if you really aren't a problem and the other person really is the problem, if you only have one person working on the relationship, it's not going to work. That's why sometimes if both people think the other person's a problem and they're both not working on themselves to show up as the most improved version of themselves, then the relationship still doesn't work. So it doesn't really matter who the problem is, because if you're both working on it, at least you're working toward Progress. And this is just one component or one tenth of this list. So it doesn't mean, if this is fulfilled, that everything is perfect. From this point on, it's just one tenth. So add all these together and they compound to make something greater. Let's go to the third one. Honoring each other's boundaries. How important is this? If you have personal boundaries and they are getting violated, that's not going to make the relationship very happy. That's going to start to destroy it. And so if you are honoring each other's boundaries, if you don't like loud noises, and they love to make loud noises, there might be an issue. If you don't like when they smoke or they don't like when you smoke, yet you still smoke around them, there might be issues. And so we all have our own version of boundaries. And if you've never practiced or never asked yourself what your boundaries are like, if you wanted to figure that out, all you have to do is ask yourself, what is it that I will accept and I won't accept? And let's just say that you could accept or not accept anything. Like you had free rein to choose to accept things in your life or behaviors or words or people in your life. You could just tell the universe, tell God, tell whatever, that this is what I'll accept and this is what I won't accept. I remember I did this, and it was a car rental place. I've told this story before, but I was at this car rental place in an airport, and I felt my personal space being violated because I was at the counter and somebody came up right behind me and stood right next to me right when I was filling out paperwork. And he was so close, and it was uncomfortable. And I have a personal boundary that if somebody's that close, we better have a different type of relationship, because that is too close. And so that was a violation of my boundary. Now, I'm not going to go off and say, get the hell out of my way. I'm going to say, hey, would you mind standing back a little bit? It feels a little uncomfortable. You're too close. Which is exactly. Almost exactly what I said. And he just looked at me funny, like he didn't know cognitive dissonance. He didn't know what I was saying. He was just kind of confused because his attention was on clerk behind the counter. But when I said that he did, he backed off. And I felt that was a respect of my boundaries. It was great. And we didn't talk again. But if he opened a conversation, I would have been friendly with him, and it would have been fine. It was just an unknown. He was just in his own space, in his own reality, and he didn't realize what he was doing. So I told him what he was doing, and he respected that. So that's what I mean is that we have these boundaries of what we will and won't accept in our lives. And when we honor those, we are filling our own cup. And when they honor them, when they honor our boundaries and we honor theirs, what are we doing? We are filling both cups, which helps the relationship. There's that third one. And let's go to the fourth one, which is reciprocation. That's close to equal. Now, reciprocation is. Let's just say that I took out the garbage and they do the dishes, or they bought dinner and I get the next one, or I wash the floors. You know, little things. These are chores around the house, of course. But the idea is, the person in your life wants to feel that their contributions are at least somewhat matched. This is something I personally see in relationships that some people don't get. Like, here's a great example from my relationship. One great example is that I wash the dishes 99% of the time. Either I'm hand washing, putting them in the dishwasher, and I clean the kitchen. And that is my area. And I didn't make it my area. It became my area. She cleans, too. She cooks. She does all kinds of things, but the cooking is kind of equal and the cleaning is kind of equal. But mostly I clean the dishes in the area around the sink. The point is, she doesn't. And so there was a moment where I said, you know, I'm kind of feeling a little resentful here. I'm thinking to myself that she doesn't do the dishes, that I'm always doing the dishes. And I remember her saying once when we first met, if there's a clean kitchen, I'm happy. You know, talking about herself. If the kitchen's clean, I'm happy. And I thought that meant she kept a clean kitchen, but it didn't. It didn't mean that at all. What she meant is she likes when the kitchen is cleaned, but she doesn't like cleaning it. So I did my best to keep the kitchen clean. And I noticed that she doesn't really get to the dishes too often. So I started doing them more and more. And then I realized, hey, I'm doing these all the time. And so I thought, oh, gee, you know, this is really Bugging me because she doesn't do these at all. And I thought she said she liked a clean kitchen and she's not contributing at all. And so I thought about it, and I thought about it, I reflected on it, and I realized, wait a minute, where's the reciprocation? That's the first thing that came to mind. Where's the reciprocation? What does she do that kind of reciprocates for what I do? What is the balance that happens here? Does she take out the garbage? Sometimes she does. Does she do something else? And I realized she is one to pay the bills and talk to, you know, all the companies that we deal with on the phone. She does the hard phone call stuff and collecting the mail, and she does all these things that have to do with administration, paperwork, bill paying. And when I thought of it that way, I realized, wait a minute, I hate doing that stuff. I'm so glad that she does that. I'll be happy to do the dishes every single time if she takes care of that. And that solved my problem, because it was reciprocal. She's doing what she's better at, and I'm doing what I got good at, and it balanced things, and that made me feel good. And this is very rare in our relationship that it's not reciprocal. But that was the one moment that came to mind that made me think, wait, she's not doing her part. But I didn't equate what she was doing with what I was doing. But it really is a time of investment, a time of mental energy, a time of physical energy, and all this stuff that's involved in doing what we do. So I saw that as a balance, you know, part of the seesaw, right? I'm on this end of the seesaw thinking that nobody's on the other end. But she really was. Because if I had to do those bills and stuff too, maybe I'd feel different. But she does it. And I think it's important to look at that. If you have a relationship where you feel any resentment about what you're doing, what you're investing in, what are they doing that you wouldn't necessarily want to invest time and energy in yourself? That might kind of act as a balance on the seesaw. Because if somebody else is doing things that you may not want to do or you can't do, then it can kind of balance things. This is just, again, one component. It doesn't mean that tit for tat always works. Sometimes one person has very little hard task to do, and the other person has a very easy task. So it varies throughout every relationship. So it doesn't really matter if it's perfect every time. But I think you understand what I'm trying to say. Let's go to number five, which is emotional connection and vulnerability. How many people need this that are listening right now? Emotional connection. This is where instead of being closed off, you open up. Instead of hiding things that you are afraid somebody else might judge you for, you choose to be vulnerable. And I think most people that listen to this show want somebody in their life to be vulnerable, to have an emotional connection. Because the people I hear from who are empathetic, kind and caring and supportive toward other people want those other people to be the same way toward them. That's kind of reciprocation as well. It's definitely reciprocation when it comes to opening up emotionally to someone, and they're closed off, they're disconnected. If somebody says, hey, you know, that really hurt when you said that to me. The other person should say, wow, I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm so sorry. How is that hard? It's not. But a lot of people have trouble with it because they don't want to open up emotionally. They don't want to take off their emotional armor. They don't want to be vulnerable. What I've learned, especially since I started this show, like when I started the Overwhelmed Brain, it was hard for me to be vulnerable on the air because I felt like maybe I had to put on my radio personality. It was still me, but I felt like I had to bring more. That wasn't necessarily me again, it was still me, but I felt like I had to perform a little bit. And so I had to learn to take a step back and just start being myself on the air, just start telling my story and being vulnerable. And that's what I've been doing for many, many years now. And it has been healing for me. It's been completely healing for me to have you as my sounding board, as my accountability partner. Because here I am putting myself out there to be judged because of everything I've ever done in my life, everything I've ever told you about. I put myself out there in a way that I know people are going to rate my show terribly. Fortunately, it doesn't happen too often, but it happens. They're going to say things about me. You know, I'm kind of a minor celebrity, a public figure. I don't really see myself as a celebrity, but my name's out there. If you look it up, it's going to come up in the first 10 pages of Google or whatever. So I know that people are going to judge me and have thoughts about me and opinions about me and maybe think I'm a narcissist for talking to a microphone with nobody in the room. It happens. I've heard everything. But I am a full believer in opening up emotionally and being transparent, which is very vulnerable. But as I've learned after so many years of doing this, what I've learned is that the more vulnerable I've allowed myself to be, the stronger I've gotten, the stronger sense of self that I've gotten. Because once you put it out there, then really nobody has anything to hold against you. You're willing to admit it. You're willing to own your past. And that's what I do. I put it out there. I own my past. If somebody says, hey, you know, you were emotionally abusive to your wife, you know, my ex wife, you were a terrible person, I'll say, yeah, I was. You're right. I was a terrible person. I wasn't all terrible. But I'm going to own what I did. I'm going to own how. I was judgmental. Like I said earlier, I was highly judgmental. Nobody could meet those standards. What can somebody say about you that you don't say about yourself? That's when you are most powerful. And I don't mean like you are powerful that you could beat somebody up. I mean that you are empowered inside yourself. You feel good about yourself. You feel confident inside yourself. You walk around owning your past. That's what it means to me when I say emotional connection and vulnerability is to own your past. Own how you feel, express how you feel. Like, I don't think I have this on my list, but I like to be honest with my wife. Even at the risk of the relationship. That might mean I say something that in the past I would never say to anyone because I wouldn't want them to leave me. So I would say something a little differently or not say it at all. But now I don't like to live like that. I don't like to hold things in or hold things back. And that doesn't mean I'm a jerk. It just means, hey, this is how I feel. This is what's going on inside of me. I would like to share it with you. And she may say, wow, that's terrible. I didn't know you felt that way. You're upset with me. And yes, that might be a conversation that we have. And we've had those conversations. But the best part about that is after we've had them, she knows that I'm going to tell her how I feel. She knows that I'm going to be honest with her. And because of that, who wouldn't want that and want more of that? Because of that, it strengthens the relationship. It does. It strengthens the bond that we have with each other and makes us trust each other 100%. So if anything ever happens, we can say, oh, yeah, I trust you. That's just a nice way to live with somebody, that there's 100% trust. I mean, it's reciprocal. She does the same with me. And sometimes she's a lot better at it than I am. Like, if we have an argument, thankfully it's rare, but if we have one, she's usually the first person to come back and apologize. And she doesn't have to. I said, you don't have to apologize. I'm the one who should be apologizing. So we have those conversations and it keeps the relationship in balance. It keeps it afloat. And so I like the idea of staying connected emotionally. Because as soon as you cut that off, what does that do to the relationship? That's my go back to question every time. What does that do to the relationship? This goes right into number six. I think we're an open, honest communication. I won't have to say too much about that because I really just talked about it for a while. But yes, be open, be honest. Because it's more important to be honest. Because when you lie or hide things, that comes out in different ways the relationship. A good example and extreme example is infidelity. Let's just say that one partner is or has the inclination to cheat. I believe that would be a very hard conversation to have. But it's important. It's a very important conversation. Because if and when that partner does cheat, now there's something in the relationship that is a secret. And it's going to come out in different ways. It's going to come out in ways that you don't expect or they don't expect. And what I mean is it's destructive. A betrayal like that is destructive to the relationship. If not now, over time it will be, especially when it's discovered. In case you've never heard me say this, infidelity is always discovered. If you need any motivation to not cheat, that is your motivation. That should be your motivation. Infidelity is always discovered. And if you say not always, I don't want you to risk testing that. I don't want you to test that. Don't test it. Just believe me. It's always discovered and it's always a nightmare for everyone. It's a nightmare. Don't go through it. Don't do it. It's a lot easier just to have a conversation while you're thinking about it, if it comes. I mean, you don't have to have this conversation. Like, you may think about it. It doesn't mean, hey, I thought about this and I'm not going to do it, but I wanted to tell you about it. It's not necessarily the kind of conversation I would suggest you have, but if you're being serious about it, then being open and honest, at least about what you're not getting in your current relationship, should be the next conversation that you have. So it doesn't mean you open up and say, hey, I'm thinking about cheating on you, but you should open up and say, hey, there's something in our relationship that's missing that I would like to talk about. It's a hard conversation. It could lead to somebody getting really upset and wanting to separate or whatever. But I rarely see that if you bring up the hard stuff, people who care about each other and want the relationship to work are going to work toward making things work. That's really the bottom line. People who love each other, people who support each other, people who want each other's happiness, even when there's a hard conversation like this will work toward making things work. That's how I see it go almost every time. So, yes, open, honest communication. And if you can't hold back and you have to, like, in this case, cheat or whatever, then my opinion on cheating and infidelity is it's better to leave the person that you're with before you do that so it doesn't become a betrayal. And I'm not giving that advice. I'm not saying that's what you should do. I'm just saying that if that's on your mind, don't put somebody else through that because their heart's invested in the relationship and in you. And I know a lot of people listening right now have gone through this. If you haven't read my article on infidelity, go to TheOverwhelmedBrain.com type in the word infidelity if you want to read what I think is a pretty important article. The next quality of what a healthy relationship is, in my opinion, supposed to look like is that you can be yourself this really goes in. All of these are in alignment with one another, if you don't already see that. But the ability to be yourself, to be your silly self or your serious self or your studious self, or wanting to follow your passions, your hobbies, and get into other things that they may or may not care about. If I like this thing and Asha doesn't like that thing, and she says, you know, go do your thing and have fun, I consider that a win. Same with her. She does things that like gardening. I don't like gardening. I don't like doing it. I don't like talking about plants. But she loves it. She loves it. So when she finds somebody to talk about plants, they talk for hours. I'll listen and I'll do my best and I'll stay with her because I love her, stay interested in the conversation, even though my. She knows this about me. She knows that I'm not too interested in the kind of plants that she has. But I'm going to listen because she is so passionate about it. And I love seeing her happy. That is my number one goal in my relationship, is making sure that she feels happy. And I support her happiness. I support the path that she takes to be happy. And a big part of that is her interests, her hobbies, the things that fulfill her, that fill her cup. And she does the same for me. She supports the things that I like. Parody songs, she hates parody songs, Weird Al Yankovic, she hates all that stuff. And I listen and I laugh. I think it's fun and funny. And I have friends that like the same kind of music and she doesn't. So I don't listen to those kinds of things around her. I might play it every now and then and she happens to hear it. She's not the greatest fan of it, so I try not to do that. But yes, you can be yourself. If you can be yourself, that contributes to the relationship. Three more. The next one is respect and kindness. This really goes without saying. To respect someone and to be kind. It's what I say in my other podcast, love and abuse all the time. You deserve respect and kindness. What else can you say? If somebody's disrespecting you, that's a problem. If they're being unkind, that's a problem. And I'm not talking about one offs. Sometimes we're disrespectful or unkind to someone every now and then, once a year, maybe not that much, maybe more than that. But just in general, respecting a person is like, we're Talking about the bare minimum of a relationship. Right, the last episode. Respecting a person and showing kindness, that is the bottom line, basic for any relationship. So that's part of it, though I wanted to include that in the list. Respecting kindness, it's just a fundamental thing. The next one kind of goes along the same lines, except the opposite extreme. No walking on eggshells. Neither one of you should walk on eggshells. You should not feel like you're going to trigger the other person. It shouldn't feel that way. And the other person gets upset and blames you, or points at you as the problem or calls you a. Whatever name. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells in any relationship. I think this is more important than the others because if you feel like you're walking on eggshells, then there's something going on that needs to be addressed. If you can't get away from that walking on eggshells feeling, no matter what you do, then that needs to be addressed either through communication or maybe through separation. I prefer the communication route first. But when you've tried and tried and tried and you still feel like you're walking on eggshells no matter what, it might be time to consider what to do next with your life. And some people are family that you can't get away from, and you have to see them every now and then or see them every day. And if you are walking on eggshells, remember, this is 1/10 of a healthy relationship. So if you're not walking on eggshells, that's good. That's a good component of a healthy relationship. But if you are, that takes it away. I want you to look at all of these things. Like, hey, if you don't have them all, but you have most of them, that's pretty good. I mean, I wish you did have all of them, but it's pretty good. Because my formula for, you know, deciding if this relationship's going to continue, like, if there are difficulties, my formula is, are you happier more than 50% of the time? Because if you're not, then it's probably not going to get any better. But if you are, if you're happier more than 50% of the time, that's still good. It's not great because it should be way above 50%. I mean, if it's above 50% and you're at 90%, great. But if it's just above 50%, that means half the time you're unhappy and half the time you aren't, that's questionable. That's certainly not someplace I want you to be. This is why you. This is how we're talking about this. This is why we have a list like this to make sure that we're meeting this criteria. My criteria, My personal criteria. This is what I tell people. It creates a happy relationship. No walking on eggshells. If you feel like you're walking on eggshells, that's a problem and will take away from the relationship. All right, we're on the last one. They accept your no without punishment. No. They accept that you have boundaries. It's really a boundaries thing. But if you say no, that means no. Remember the old saying, no means no. And when they accept that without punishment, that means they are honoring your no. They are honoring the path that you want to take. So I know this. You know, there are exceptions, of course. You might say, hey, I want to go to a restaurant, and the other person says, no, I don't really want to go. Well, we need to eat, so I'm going to go. Okay, I'll go with you. There are times, but that's just a minor example. But I'm all for honoring someone's no. That just shows that you care about what they decide. And this really actually plays out as I accept who you are. And if I were going to add another item to this list, it's total acceptance to who someone is. So if somebody says no, that's who they are. That's what they want. And when we accept that's what they want, then everything that we're thinking comes back to us because they've told us how they think, what they're thinking, and how they feel. And now we come back to ourselves and we tell ourselves, okay, they said no. What am I going to do? So whatever they're saying no to, it's their right to do it. And we aren't here to change it. Because when we honor someone's no, that means we are accepting that person as they are. And I think that is one of the most respectful things you can do with someone is accept them as they are who they are. And if I hear somebody say, well, what if I can't accept them as they are? What if they are a jerk? Then that's not their problem. That's your problem. Somebody might hate me saying that, but it's true. If they're a jerk and you don't want to be with a jerk, but you stick around with a jerk, how is it their fault? Yes, they may be a jerk, and I wish they would change that. Would be my opinion. I wish the jerk would change, but if they don't, then what comes next is your decision. And this really comes down to emotionally abusive behavior. Because when we can't accept somebody as they are and we try to change who they are, that would be emotionally abusive. So instead of accepting who they are, we try to change them. We try to control them, we try to make them do what we want them to do, which is all emotionally abusive. So if my wife were doing something I couldn't agree with, I could either say, well, I don't agree with that, but that's your choice. And I just have to learn to live with your choice or not. I have to learn to accept your choice or not. And that means accepting you. Because if I can't accept you and your choice, then that's on me, my inability to accept. But, Paul, what if they're the biggest jerk in the world? I agree. If my wife turned into the biggest jerk in the world, then I would have to say, well, that's who she is. I wish she would change, but she's not. So I need to take care of myself. It all comes back to me. It all comes back to me making the decision to stay with somebody I can't accept. Or I could try to change them, but that will turn into a nightmare too, because nobody wants to feel changed or controlled. And so I come back to myself and ask myself, okay, now that this person is in my life that I can't change and won't change, what am I going to do for myself? That's where I'm going to end it today. Thanks so much for joining me. I hope you got something from this episode and I'm sure there's more we can add to this list. We'll probably come up with another one later, but those are the guidelines I live by and I hope they are helpful to you. Thanks for listening to another episode of the Overwhelmed Brain. I want to thank our patrons this week, Wei and Crystal and angel and Shannon. Wonderful to see your names. Thank you for supporting the show and I appreciate all of you. And if you find value in the show like these patrons do and you want to give back, head over to MoreToB.com and there are ways to do that over there. And for a show on how to navigate the difficult relationship, love and abuse is the way to go. My other podcast, if you go to loveandabuse.com remember how I said at the beginning of the episode to listen to all my shows and do the opposite of all the toxic behavior. I talk about all the toxic behavior over@loveandabuse.com it gets into control and manipulation and all the. All the opposite of what we talked about today, pretty much. So if you're dealing with a difficult relationship, head over there. Loveandabuse.com and I want to tell you about healbeing.com that's a place where I help the difficult person in the relationship heal and change. I have seen many relationships transform. You know, those three entities in a relationship, maybe one of them is trying their hardest to make it work, and the other one wants the other person to try their hardest to make it work, but they're not doing anything themselves. If that made sense to you. The point is, somebody might not be trying at all, and somebody might be trying to change or control you, or maybe you're trying to change or control somebody else. And if you're doing that, you might be crossing the line of emotionally abusive behavior. And if you want to change that about yourself and maybe even save a relationship that's on the verge of disaster, head over to healedbeing.com and I have an entire program there that basically is this episode times a thousand. It will get you into a fantastic space in your relationship. And if this relationship doesn't work out or you're out of a relationship, it guarantees the next one is going to be so much better. At least I can guarantee that you'll show up better. I can't guarantee anything else, but I can guarantee that you're going to be the healthiest partner you can be. That's over@HealedBeing.com and with that, always keep your mind open because that's how you make the best decisions. And be firm in your decisions and actions so that you can create the life you want. Always take steps to grow and evolve. You are powerful beyond measure. And above all, and this is something I absolutely know to be true about you. You are amazing, Sam Sa.