How to Handle Your Kid's Meltdowns Without Losing Your Own Mind

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "How to Handle Your Kid’s Meltdowns Without Losing Your Own Mind"

The Parent Chat with Dylan Dreyer
Date: May 21, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively, judgment-free episode, host Dylan Dreyer explores the universal challenge of kids’ tantrums and emotional meltdowns. Joining her are Kristin Gallen and Dina Margolin, the expert duo behind the immensely popular parenting platform "Big Little Feelings." Together, the trio candidly discusses why meltdowns happen, how to respond constructively (both for kids and parents), and why it’s crucial to support—not suppress—big feelings. The conversation is packed with real-life stories, honest confessions, and actionable tips parents can use right away.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Kids Have Meltdowns

• Brain Development: Kids’ prefrontal cortex (responsible for emotional regulation and reasoning) isn’t fully developed, making them prone to overwhelming emotional outbursts.

  • “You have to understand that their brains are not fully developed yet… that means, of course, we’re going to see them crying, screaming, just falling apart on the floor when they’re upset.”
    —Dina Margolin, [03:26]

• Adult Perspective: Adults are tempted to “reason” with kids, but logic doesn’t work when emotions are running high.

  • “Logic is just not the time for anyone when they're at a level 10. But a toddler especially... you don't have to fix what's happening. Just kind of let it happen, let that healthy emotional release happen.”
    —Kristin Gallen, [05:08]

2. The Right Approach During a Meltdown

• Safety First: Ensure the child's physical safety; sometimes move them to a safe place to let the feelings pass.

  • “Safety is the number one thing when our kids are upset... We step in, we make sure that everyone’s going to be okay.”
    —Dina Margolin, [06:33]

• Stay Calm, Stay Present: Allow the release with empathy but don’t attempt to “logic them out” until emotions subside.

  • “Stay present, stay calm, stay confident. We can handle all these feelings. They don’t scare us. And we’re gonna be there with them.”
    —Kristin Gallen, [07:04]

3. Handling Aggression & Sibling Dynamics

• Teach Assertiveness and Alternatives:
  • For the child being hurt: Teach them to say, "Stop. That’s not okay with me," to move away, and report to an adult if it continues.
  • For the aggressor: Later, discuss what happened, validate their feelings, and suggest safe physical outlets (e.g., squeezing a ball, screaming into a pillow, jumping).
  • “It’s not the anger that’s the problem, it’s how you’re letting it out.”
    —Kristin Gallen, [09:14]

4. All Kids Are Unique—Tailor Your Response

• Know Your Kids’ Needs: What calms one child (a hug, space, validation) may agitate another.

  • “Some kids are going to want you to stay there and just be quiet… Some kids do want you to offer the hug. They want that connection… So, I love how tuned in you have two very different kids who want different ways of you showing up in their hard moments.”
    —Dina Margolin, [10:59]

• Trial and Error: “Try it one way, see if it works, try another way, see if that works, and roll with it.”
  —Kristin Gallen, [11:44]

5. Recognizing Normal vs. Concerning Behavior

• Big Changes = Big Behaviors: Stress at home or life changes can lead to more intense or longer meltdowns.
  • “When there’s big life changes… we can also expect bigger, longer meltdowns, bigger behaviors, more hitting, whining, tantruming.”
    —Dina Margolin, [12:58]

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Key Segments & Memorable Moments

“It’s Not About the Pasta!”

• The experts (and Dylan) recount how absurd triggers (“the green cup,” “the pasta”) are never about the object, but about emotional overflow.
  • “It’s not about the pasta. It’s not about the pasta.”
    —Kristin Gallen, [05:08]

How to Manage Meltdowns in Public

• Ignore outside judgment, focus on your child. If necessary, remove the child for their (and others’) comfort—not as a punishment.
  • “From the lens of child development, this is perfectly normal… Your child doesn’t know whether they are like in a house or whether they are outside.”
    —Kristin Gallen, [15:31]
  • “If it’s my child… sometimes you know, we’re getting the 15 or 20 [minutes], and then we’re probably leaving, right?”
    —Kristin Gallen, [16:35]

When the Parent Loses It

• Parents have limits too! Tools for self-regulation (leaning against a wall, strong scents like peppermint, fidget toys) and modeling these in front of your children.

  • “Try to get two to three things that are not just ‘take a deep breath.’ And actually try to do certain things in front of your kids… let them watch you do it.”
    —Kristin Gallen, [19:50]

• Normalize apologies and reconnections with your kids after losing patience.

  • “They’re supposed to see you get to see you hit your limit. You’re supposed to then repair. Apologize... That’s super healthy. That’s human.”
    —Kristin Gallen, [20:35]

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Notable Quotes

• Understanding Meltdowns
  • “You asked for a green cup, I handed you a green cup. Like, what could be wrong here? ...They don’t have the skills yet or the capacity to share their emotions, to regulate their emotions the way that we do.”
    —Dina Margolin, [04:15]
• Anger Is Healthy
  • “There is nothing wrong with anger. It's a healthy emotion and it’s simply about learning how to let it out safely.”
    —Dina Margolin, [09:14]
• Parenting Across Generations
  • “I grew up in a household where... you listened to your parents, you pushed down your feelings... And now we're in this generation where you have to let the kids feel this and feel that and kind of hold their emotions.”
    —Dylan Dreyer, [20:48]
• Resilience Through Feelings
  • “There’s a myth… that talking about feelings makes your kids… fragile little snowflake[s]… When the reality is… learning about what you’re feeling and then how to handle it actually makes you so much more resilient.”
    —Dina Margolin, [21:36]
• The Adult Is Still in Charge
  • “Allowing feelings, teaching about feelings… is what we recommend. And we also recommend the adult is in charge. You are the leader of your home… You can be upset about that rule… and this rule is still in place.”
    —Kristin Gallen, [24:32]

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Parenting Confessions & Hot Takes

• The iPad Dilemma: Even the experts use screens sometimes (“When I am just out of bandwidth... You know what, boys? Let's watch a little show on the iPad until the food gets here.” —Dina Margolin, [26:11]).
• Guilt Over Threats: Resorting to threats when maxed out is common (“I threaten, and I hate that. I’m a threats person... only if I get to, like, a level 10.” —Kristin Gallen, [26:49]).
• Hot Take—Not Forcing Sharing: They’re “pro sharing,” but not for “blind giving up,” teaching kids to state their needs and wait for turns ([28:01]—end).

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Actionable Takeaways

• Validate and allow all feelings, but hold boundaries and maintain safety.
• Customize your calming approach for each child—some want hugs, others space.
• Model healthy emotional regulation as a parent.
• Don’t worry about public meltdowns—focus on your child, not on bystanders.
• Apologize and reconnect after losing your own cool.
• Teach kids to advocate for themselves and assert boundaries in kind ways.

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Closing Reflections

Dylan and the guests reflect on moving past the stigma of “gentle parenting” and embracing emotional openness for both children and adults. The ultimate goal: resilient, emotionally intelligent kids and calmer, more connected parents.

“At the end of the day, that’s what you want. You want to be the person your kids go to anyway… We’re just going to keep figuring this out together. And we’ve got this.”
—Dylan Dreyer, [30:03]

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Key Timestamps

| Topic | Timestamp | |---|---| | Why Meltdowns Happen | [03:26] | | Parental Response During Meltdowns | [05:08] – [07:04] | | Handling Aggression/Siblings | [07:34] – [09:35] | | Tailoring Responses per Child | [10:27] – [12:08] | | Meltdowns in Public | [15:31] – [17:37] | | Parents Losing Their Cool | [18:11] – [20:48] | | Importance of Feelings & Boundaries | [21:36] – [24:32] | | Parenting Confessions | [26:04] – [29:22] | | Hot Take on Sharing | [27:46] – [29:22] |

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For more, follow Dylan Dreyer (@dylandreyerNBC) and TODAY Parents.

Transcript

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Wherever your journey takes you, we're here to power it. Join [e-mail] aaa here for you. Thanks for tuning in to another episode of the Parent Chat. And today we're going to get into tantrums a little bit. We've all been there where our kids are just acting up. They're so unre and as parents, sometimes we just don't know how to handle it. I remember this one time there was this huge fight over a green bean and there's this post mortem picture of Oliver, my middle guy sitting under a chair outside, like protected by the rungs on the chair, just sitting there, crisscross applesauce with this pout on his face. I mean a pout that if I told you looked exactly the way I would pout when I was his age. I mean it's wild. We look identical. Identical. It was post meltdown over a green bean. I forced him to eat and he was miserable. It was like an hour long tantrum and he finally calmed down and he goes and hides out under this chair to the point where I couldn't even find him for a little while. And then I'm like, oh, there's poor Ollie. I mean, talk about guilt. I felt so bad after the fact. But you know, this was his moment to calm down, think about what all just happened. Maybe not our finest moment across the board, but yeah, I mean, still so cute at the same time. So that's exactly what our guests are going to help us with today. How to handle these meltdowns that our toddlers, or let's be honest, our older kids have sometimes too. It's Kristin Gallen and Dina Margolin. You know them as big little feelings. They're a child therapist, a parent coach, their best friends, their moms themselves. They have about three and a half million followers. So cl, clearly there are a lot of us out there that have a lot of questions and need some advice, especially when it comes to handling our little kids big feelings. So please welcome Kristen and Dena. Between the three of us, I mean, we have about nine kids, right?

[C]

So we.

[B]

We kind of know what we're talking about. Yeah, I have three boys. It's just full energy all the time. My kids aren't very tantrum y kids, I would say, you know, they're. They have their moments, don't get me wrong. But that's kind of what we're gonna chit chat today about, you know, just kind of how to handle these meltdowns, whether it's all on the kids or if a lot of it's on us too. Cause I feel like sometimes I don't have the mental capacity to handle whatever minor meltdown they're having. So I will take all the tips I can get. You know, first things first. When it comes to a meltdown in a child, what is actually happening in their brains?

[C]

You can think of it as they're just overwhelmed with their feelings. You have to understand that their brains are not fully developed yet when they're little. The prefrontal cortex, which is the important upper part of our brain that helps us manage our emotions and share what we need with words and control our body impulses, it just has not developed yet. And that means, of course, we're going to see them crying, screaming, just falling. Falling apart on the floor when they're upset.

[B]

And I think that's what makes it so hard because you have this child who isn't fully developed, and then you have an adult who is fully developed and knows right from wrong and proper behavior. So it's very hard for me as a parent to allow that meltdown to happen because I'm trying to reason with them. Is that where parents go wrong?

[C]

I wouldn't say, you know, go wrong. It makes a lot of sense because as you're saying, we're looking at them like, what is going on? You asked for a green cup, I handed you a green cup. Like, what could be wrong here? But that's exactly it is. They don't have the skills yet or the capacity to share their emotions, to regulate their emotions the way that we do embrace it.

[A]

I also think that we adults, we lose it too, right? And when we are losing it and when we are at sort of the red level, we're totally. Our brains are offline as well. Like our logic and our reasoning is off as well. Have you ever just had the worst day and your venting to your partner and they come in with Some logic. And then I'm just like, what? You know, erupting.

[B]

So logic. I almost get more mad with the logic.

[A]

I get more mad.

[C]

Like, just validate my feelings.

[A]

God, how hard is it? So logic is just not the time for anyone when they're at a level 10. But a toddler especially, like, I can't say this enough to my husband, where I'm like, it's not about the pasta. It's not about the pasta. It's not about the pasta. You know, we're trying to, like, fix what's happening. You don't actually have to fix what's happening. Just kind of let it happen, let it ride, let that healthy emotional release happen. And then later, if there was some bad behavior, unwanted behavior, something other than crying, because crying is okay, by the way. But you can address that later. The logic piece later, when their brains have come back online.

[C]

And our only job, really, is to create a safe space for that to happen, for them to release. And then later, we teach them about what they were feeling, how they can handle it next time when their brain can actually take it all in.

[B]

So listening to that, I want to go back to a time. I remember Calvin, my oldest now, when he was about 2, 3, he was like a headbanger. Like, he'd get so angry and just, like, bang his head on the ground and just tantrum. And I couldn't say anything. I couldn't snap him out of it. Nothing would happen. So I would just move him to the carpet and let him do whatever he was going to do. And I just stepped back. It was like, nothing I'm saying is working. He's in a safer place. He's not on the hardwood floor anymore. And I just kind of let him do his thing. Was that the right thing to do?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

I mean, safety. Listen, safety is the number one thing when our kids are upset. Whether it's they're banging their head on the ground, they're hurting a sibling. Safety. We step in, we make sure that everyone's going to be okay. Some kids, especially, by the way, the more you start talking about feelings, the more they explode. And so what we wanna do is stay present, stay calm, stay confident. We can handle all these feelings. They don't scare us. And we're gonna be there with them.

[B]

So you mentioned siblings. Ali said, yeah, that's the new thing Rusty's doing. And I said, what's the new thing? He's like. He grabs my arm and digs his fingers into my. Like, digs his nails into My arm when he gets mad at me. And I was like, okay, well that's not great. You know, like Rusty, my youngest, is very physical. Like he wants to hit, he wants to dig his nails, he wants to bite. Like he's just very ag. And I feel like I need to step in just for the safety of everyone else around him. How do you properly step in when he's having that like anger episode?

[C]

I would say it's twofold in this situation. Like one, obviously, yes, we want to step in and keep our kids safe when something not safe is happening. And two, we want to give each kid the skills that they need to navigate this type of situation. Right. So for your other kid, who's the one being being pinched or scratched or bitten, whatever it is going on, you want to give them the self assertiveness skills to be able to say stop. That's not okay with me. Teach them to move away when somebody's hurting you. Teach them to find a grownup if somebody does not stop after you say stop. And then our other kid, who's the aggressor in this case, when things are calmer, we want to help them build self awareness. What were you feeling? What was going on? Your brother took your toy that made you really upset. How can you handle it next time without touching bodies? Because it's okay to feel mad. It's not okay to hurt someone. What can we do?

[A]

And if you're saying he's a more physical kid, he might not say, hey, I don't like that when you do it. And he might need other ways to get his anger out. You might need to give him some squeeze balls. You might need to let him scream into a pillow. You might need to say, okay, like jump up and down 15 times or 10 times or whatever it may be. Find a different physical expression for that anger and really let him let it out. He'd have to do it in a happy way. I know with my child, who's very similar, we would throw, I would have like a handball and she can throw it against the wall as hard as she wants and almost like a squishy ball. So it's really satisfying and look really angry when she does it. So it's not the anger that's the problem, it's how you're letting it out.

[C]

I agree. I think it's one of the hardest things for a lot of us as parents. We got punished for being and feeling angry. Our parents didn't have room for it, never taught us how to let it out safely. But that's exactly it. There is nothing wrong with anger. It's a healthy emotion and it's simply about learning how to let it out safely.

[A]

Hmm.

[B]

This is very eye opening to me because I tend to be. This sounds crazy, but I tend to be like, when I get angry, I could punch a wall. Right? Like, I get very physical. But again, it wasn't like I was allowed to do that when I was little.

[A]

So a lot of times, especially women and little girls, we've been taught to shove that down. That can lead to depression, it can lead to physical ail how much that can just linger inside of there. And so a healthy expression. Going to a boxing class for adults is so healthy. So why is it different? I think it's unrealistic to teach children to be angry and to very calmly say, hey, I didn't like when you take my toy. When you feel that surge of anger, that's natural and what can we do with it? And giving them those tools as an adult and as a child.

[B]

So on the flip side of my angry child, I also have my older one who's just much more sensitive. He's, you know, he's the one who wants the hugs, he wants the cuddles. But when he was having a meltdown, I just paused for a second and I said, do you want a hug? And he just immediately stopped in his tracks, gave me a hug, totally calmed down, and then we were able to talk it through. So, like, I guess that was a technique too, because I know you guys say, you know, just pause and wait a few seconds. Like that short moment goes a long way, right?

[C]

Yeah. And all kids are so different, by the way. I feel like this is a really important detail, is some kids are going to want you to stay there and just be quiet, don't say anything. Just be there with them and let them like ride out that big feeling, that tantrum, whatever it is some kids do. They want you to offer the hug. They want that connection. They want you to say, I see how disappointing this is. I see you're really upset. And that makes them feel really validated and calmer. So I love how tuned into, like, you have two very different kids who want different ways of you showing up in their hard moments.

[B]

Is it trial and error? Like, do you recommend that parents kind of, you know, try it one way, see if it works, try another way, see if that works and roll with it?

[A]

Absolutely, yes. That is the only way. And really, temperament goes such a long way. Can you imagine, like you're saying Your other one who's a little more, you know, aggressive. Can you imagine offering a hug? Because mine, mine would be throwing something at my face, you know. And so I think it's great because there are so many different approaches that are out there and you really just have to try them on for size and see what works for your kid.

[C]

Exactly. Seeing how they respond. Especially because there is a certain subsect of kids called big feelers. And these kids are more highly sensitive. They're defiant, they're strong willed, they're explosive. And those kids do usually need a certain kind of approach. And when you try to talk about feelings in the moment, like Kristen said, expect something to be thrown at your face.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Like that's how it is.

[B]

How do we know what is kind of a normal meltdown, a normal tantrum, just like normal behavior as kids are trying to figure out this feeling that they're feeling versus maybe something in particular is happening at home or there's a way that I parent that is causing them to be this way. Like how do you know when to kind of change the whole behavior versus just kind of handle the moment?

[C]

I think you bring up a really good point. When there's big life changes, when we are having a lot of stress in our house, when we're fighting with our spouse, when there's that stress going on, we can also expect bigger, longer meltdowns, bigger behaviors, more hitting, whining, tantruming. So it's twofold.

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[A]

Dean and I talk about this all the time. That this is one of our, our biggest triggers. And I. And we wish that it wasn't because from the lens of child development, this is perfectly normal, perfectly natural. Your child doesn't know whether they are like in a house or whether they are outside. They're in this again, their brain is offline. Their brain is underdeveloped, just biologically. For Dean and I, this one's a really, really hard one because you think everyone is staring at you. You think everybody is watching you. It has so much to do with at least how we were raised or a lot of us, because our parents generation was like, you know, pinch the back of your neck and like, you better, you better put those tears back into your eyes. You better stick those back in and put a smile on your face. And so it feels on the inside like there's an emergency happening. I think the to remember or at least this is my philosophy. This is not everyone is going to feel differently about this. When you are on an airplane, do you ever care if someone else's child is melting down? Because I don't.

[B]

I don't. And I'm just happy it's not my child.

[A]

So happy it's not my child. And so for me, when it's a public meltdown, is it really that Big of a problem for two to three minutes. If it's my child, it's more like, you know, sometimes, you know, we're getting the 15 or 20 and then we're probably leaving, right? We're probably taking them out. We're probably doing what we have to do. But a quick meltdown in public for me is not really a problem. I tend to attempt when I'm not super triggered to do the same strategies. Hey, validating their feelings, letting them let it out. Now at a certain point in certain situations, what I like to do is remove the child. Not out of punishment, but perhaps because of overwhelm or it's an inner appropriate place. If we're sitting in a restaurant, not gonna let them let it out for 20 minutes. I'm gonna say, hey, it's okay to feel mad. You're feeling mad right now or sad or whatever it is. And we need to head outside and you can let your feelings out out there. And then, yeah, they're allowed to cry outside. We're not punishing, we're just removing them from the situation, letting them let it out and take them back in.

[B]

What do you recommend you do when the parent is having the meltdown? I feel like I run into this situation. I mean, I work early in the morning, so by the time 7:30, 8:00 clock comes, I'm, I'm done. I am just totally. I've used up all my patients and when they're brushing their teeth, they're all happy, they're laughing, they're happy as can be, but they're like play fighting. And I mean, it's like they're not really brushing their teeth. They're doing this. They're tipping over the water, spilling it all over the place. And I just am ready to lose my mind. I'm like, brush your teeth or I yell or I'm just, I'm done.

[A]

That's a great question.

[B]

So for the teeth example, first of

[A]

all, I feel for you having a really early work day. You're dealing with bedtime, what we all deal with at bedtime, but in the morning. So I want to just normalize what you're handling because you've worked the whole day, now you are exhausted. And most of us parents are reaching our limit around bedtime and the water is splashing and they're not brushing their teeth. So I just want to normalize that first of all. Okay, what can we do after a workday? Is there something we could do, like charts that's gonna make their brushing teeth a Little bit easier, smoother, quicker. They're more incentivized to, like, put a sticker next to their toothbrush to get to the next activity, rather than, like hitting and fighting or whatever, you know? Cause if they get the sticker and then they run downstairs and they run to the next thing, that might help you out because they're more motivated to keep going. In other cases, when we're triggered, we might just need to use some extra tools in our toolbox. I was never taught how to stay calm when I'm starting about to lose my. And yet it's what we are teaching our children every day. So why are we not doing the exact same thing? I'm teaching my toddler about thermometer zones. You know, green, yellow, orange, red. So me, Kristen, when I'm about to hit orange, I'm going to lean against a wall because it helps ground you. Like, literally lean against a wall. And I like to smell something really strong. I always have, like a peppermint or something in every single room. That's my go to. Some people like deep breaths. Some people like to use little fidget toys and open them and close them. But I would recommend everybody who is listening to this, try to get two to three things that are not just take a deep breath. Because that doesn't always work for everyone. And actually try to do certain things in front of your kids when you're entering your own yellow or orange zone and let them watch you do it. You know, be like, I'm feeling frustrated. You guys are not moving fast enough. I'm gonna lean against this wall and I'm gonna use this squishy toy right now and, like, leave me alone for five seconds and really do that.

[B]

Yeah. That's really great advice.

[A]

Thank you. Right? Everyone's like, wait a minute. What about me and my yellow tones?

[B]

Yeah. Cause I feel like I yell and then I feel guilty. Cause they're so cute. Once they actually snuggle up in bed and they wanna hug you, and then I'm apologizing and, you know, then they're trying to make me feel better. And I just feel like roles have been reversed. Yeah.

[A]

And that's perfectly natural, by the way. That's super healthy. They're supposed to see you get to see you hit your limit. You're supposed to then repair. Apologize. That's what it sounds like you're doing. And then you repair and you snuggle in bed. That's great. That's human.

[B]

I'm so curious because I feel like I'm Just like I grew up in a household where it was just, you listened to your parents, you pushed down your feelings. If you had an emotion, you just went into another room, you had the emotion over there. And now we're in this generation where you have to let the kids feel this and feel that and kind of hold their emotions and make them feel like you support everything they're doing and everything they're going through. So I wonder, for folks who maybe are skeptical of letting their kids run the show, if you will, why is it important to at least try to understand their emotions and you know, how it actually can benefit them if they. If they just try some of these tips and stop being so skeptical about it?

[C]

I think there's a myth out there that, that leaning into feelings, teaching about feelings, talking about feelings, makes your kids like this delicate, fragile little snowflake who just crumbles at one touch of something upsetting. When the reality is that learning about what you're feeling and then how to handle it actually makes you so much more resilient and strong and capable for handling all that life is going to throw at you. Life has ups and downs. And if we can learn how to handle disappointment, our anger, our fear, our sadness without completely disappearing, shoving it down, pretending it's not happening, because we all know what happens later. It explodes. We explode at people. It doesn't make sense, right? It's spilling out now all over the place. Or we've kept it all inside and we're so anxious, this, we're depressed, we don't feel good. That's not great. So learning how to handle emotions and building this truly, like, social, emotional intelligence at an early stage of life, like, oh, my God, it's life changing, you're going to be able to handle so much more in life in general.

[A]

And just to clarify, also, I think the term you used was people who think letting your kids run the show. That's what I want to touch on. Because if you are letting your kids, kid run the show or let their feelings run the show, you are going to have a problem with your child and your child is going to have a problem with life. And that is not what we recommend at all. And so allowing feelings, teaching about feelings, teaching about coping skills for feelings that are very human, that is what we recommend. And we also recommend the adult is in charge. You are the leader of your home, and you don't need to lead with terror or with blind obedience, because whether this is in a home or in a government, it usually doesn't work. Out very well. People don't wanna listen to you. So we recommend that you be the best leader that you possibly can be in your home. And that is someone who is in charge. I am in charge of this plane. I am making sure this thing is not going down. Here is our set of family rules to make sure the plane is not going down. You can be upset about that rule. I hear you. And this rule is still in place. So they're actually not in control. We're not changing the rules at all. But we are showing up for them saying, yeah, that, that makes sense. You're mad that you can't watch your iPad eight hours a day. I get that. I would love to watch my iPad eight hours a day. It makes me feel pretty darn sad right now that I can't do that and I have to go to work. I get it, dude. Like, I get it. And we're not watching iPad. You know, that's it.

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

That's just the way it is. More of the parent chat after the break.

[A]

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[C]

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[A]

She loves it, huh?

[C]

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[A]

Try [e-mail].

[B]

We do this thing called Parenting Confessions. And you know, you guys, guys have a lot of the answers that us parents look to. But has there been these moments where maybe you haven't followed your own advice?

[A]

Only every day. Yeah, sure. Did you see me this morning? Or far back? Are we going? Yeah.

[C]

Every day before I had kids, I was like, when I go to a restaurant, I'm never pulling out an iPad. Like when I am just Just out of bandwidth. And we're there, and I just want to talk to my husband for a second. Like, we haven't talked in days. You know, we're just. We're ships in the night right now. I'm like, you know what, boys? Like, let's watch a little show on the iPad until the food gets here, and we're gonna have a great dinner.

[B]

That makes me feel good. Because sometimes there is this moment where you're just like, I. I can't just keep sitting here entertaining you. I just. You need the break.

[A]

Let's see my confession. Because I don't know if that's like, something that's, like, you shouldn't even have to confess. Right? Like, that's very. That's good. Everybody's listening. Like, do it. I think I threaten, and I hate that. I'm a threats person. And of course, it has to do with the way that I was raised, and only if I get to, like, a level 10. I don't use threats as my go to strategy, but when I hit my limit, I hate it when it comes out of my mouth and I'm like, we will never go to this park again. We're never going to another playground. We're never. You're showing me. I hate when I. When I do. And it will just. If I'm at my limit, I will throw out the threat, and then they start crying, and then I'm like, oh, God. And like, of course I'll stick to it then. And then it'll be later that I'm like, I didn't mean that at all. Like, we'll literally go to playground tomorrow. I'm so sorry. So I think my. The one that I hate is definitely threats when I get to my, you know, limit.

[B]

I know you guys have said your hot take is not sharing.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I feel like I can relate to that so much because I'm a big fan of. If somebody is actively playing with something, there's no reason you should stop playing just because somebody else wants it in that moment.

[A]

Yes. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And we are, for the record, we are pro sharing. Right? You know, the hot take is. Yeah. We are not. We're not into blind giving up, sharing. And it's exactly what you said. Where again, we are women sitting here and whether they are little girls or little boys, but what comes to my mind is being a little girl. Okay? And if somebody says, I need that right now, and what do we tend to do as adults? We're like, okay, here you go. I Hate that. Why. Why is it that I can't say, you know what? I need three more minutes with that, and then I can give it to you? It would be absurd if we were in the workplace and your boss came up to and said, hey, give your laptop right now to your coworker. And you're like, I'm in the middle of this deal right now. It's a, you know, it's a multimillion dollar deal, and I just need two minutes. And they're like, right now. Give it right this second. It'll be absurd. And so.

[B]

It's crazy.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And so why not allow our children to be set up for success later on in life? That's what we're trying to do. So teach your child from 1 years old, 2 years old, 3 years old, to say, hey, I'm not done yet, and here is when I will be done. And on the other side say, hey, I'd like a turn with that, and teach your child, you may have to wait. You should advocate and ask for yourself. Advocate on both sides in a kind way.

[C]

So many grownups are still relearning that that you can be a kind person and have boundaries and share your needs, you know, and you're still a kind, respectful person. We can teach that to them early.

[B]

You guys are awesome. Thank you so much. I mean, honestly, it just such a great conversation, and I feel. I feel so much more like, relaxed and normal talking to you guys. It's like you can have all of these different feelings. I'm not in this alone. You guys are on the same page. So I just. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much.

[A]

Thank you. You're awesome.

[B]

Well, thank you.

[C]

Yeah, you're doing great. I'm proud of you.

[B]

Oh, thank you. I'm proud of you guys, too.

[A]

Thanks.

[B]

I just feel like I learned so much from that conversation because, I mean, so often you feel like this gentle parenting and the let the kids have their emotions. It makes me nervous as a parent because it just goes against everything I learned as a child. You know, I just feel like there's this mantra these days where it's like, you have to let the kids have their feelings. You have to talk through their feelings. You have to be gentle. You have to be understanding. And if I actually take a step back for a second and I feel like, wow, I guess I actually kind of do that. You know, my kids have these meltdowns, and I let them have their meltdowns in a safe way, in a safe place. There's this stigma about gentle parenting and to let the kids have their emotions. But in reality, I think it's the best thing for them. And as an adult, as a parent, I think it's the best thing for us, too, because we know why our children are acting this way. They're opening up there, talking to us. And at the end of the day, that's what you want. You want to be the person your kids go to anyway. If you're a parent of a toddler who's having tantrums or an older kid, or you're like me and you've got three kids at all different stages of life, we're just going to keep figuring this out together. And we've got this. So please follow Dylan Dreyer, NBC on Instagram. Follow TODAY parents for more parenting advice and tips and tricks and commiserations and all the things that come along with it. Thanks so much for watching. Till next time. Bye bye. This episode was produced by Ann Legamayo. Rachel Paula Abramson is our parenting reporter. Our senior producer is Tyre Nobles. It was edited by Ali Strain. Our audio engineer is Joe Plord. Our head of audio production is Jessica Fenton. Ashley Domagola is our production manager. Sadie Bass is our supervising producer. Ariana Davis is the executive editor of the Today show, and Ashley Kodiani is the vice president of content strategy. I'm Dylan Dreier and this has been the Parent Chat, a production of the Today Show. See you next week.

[A]

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