The Fear of Becoming a Mom Nobody Talks About ft. Amanda Hirsch

Summary

The Parent Chat with Dylan Dreyer

Episode: The Fear of Becoming a Mom Nobody Talks About ft. Amanda Hirsch

April 23, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of “The Parent Chat” tackles a vulnerable and rarely discussed topic: the fear of losing one’s identity in the transition to motherhood. Host Dylan Dreyer (mom of three, TODAY show anchor) welcomes Amanda Hirsch (host of “Not Skinny but Not Fat”) for a candid conversation about career, identity, and the messy, beautiful realities of being a mom in the modern world. Together, they debunk common fears—especially around “losing yourself”—and offer reassurance, warmth, and plenty of relatable anecdotes for parents everywhere.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The “Identity Fear” of New Motherhood

Timestamps: 01:05–02:42, 09:14–15:30

• Dylan introduces the episode by replaying a vulnerable vlog from her first pregnancy—voicing fears not about baby care, but about losing herself:

  "This is the fear of losing your identity to become a new person... You can still be you, you can still, still follow all of your hopes and dreams, but just add this momhood to your life resume." (Dylan Dreyer, 01:23)

• Amanda shares she never dreamed of being “just a mom”; instead, she saw motherhood as something she’d eventually do, but approached it with anxiety—especially about how it would change her life and career.

  "It was more like, I see myself as someone who will have a family, but, like, damn, when am I gonna do it? How am I gonna do it? ...I was scared of the process of the pregnant, of the birth, of the everything." (Amanda Hirsch, 09:41)

2. Career Fears and Reality

Timestamps: 11:08–15:18

• Amanda candidly admits her greatest hesitation was fear that a baby would derail her professional aspirations:

  "I have these dreams, I have these goals. The baby, that would stop everything. It would ruin everything. I wouldn't be able to do this." (Amanda Hirsch, 12:05)

• Ironically, her business and online presence actually flourished after having her son Noah:

  "The time that my business took off is when I had my son." (Amanda Hirsch, 12:57)
  She emphasizes she’s not saying motherhood guarantees success, but that it didn’t stop her, and perhaps even inspired and motivated her.

• Both agree one can remain themselves, professionally and otherwise, after kids:

  "You could be a mom and still be a dumb bitch." (Amanda Hirsch, 14:08)
  — her cheeky way of affirming mothers needn’t become someone else, or lose all former interests and quirks.

3. Parenting Styles and “Double Life”

Timestamps: 15:30–17:16

• Dylan and Amanda discuss how moms often juggle two identities: their “work self” and “mom self,” and it’s possible—and healthy— to enjoy both:

  "I feel like I have my life that I love... I'm not thinking about my kids, and then I go home. And I love being a mom... I'm living two different lives, but they're all cohesive." (Dylan Dreyer, 15:30)

• Amanda affirms that from a professional standpoint, she didn’t change herself. She continues to care about her passions (pop culture, TV) and simply lives a “double life”:

  "You could really stay yourself and become a mom, you know, which I think scares a lot of people that they won't be able to do." (Amanda Hirsch, 15:18)

4. Honest Confessions: Real-Life Chaos & Decisions

Timestamps: 02:42–08:45, 20:56–24:45, 27:14–28:44

• The hosts trade unfiltered stories on sleep struggles, kids climbing into bed, “hand-me-down” culture for third children, and the pros and cons of having multiple kids.
• Both are open about not being overly anxious parents. Amanda says she doesn’t get caught in worry spirals about sleep or safety; she’s more focused on the big existential changes.
• On travel, Amanda admits she doesn’t love it with young kids and recounted regret over bringing a toddler on vacation.
• They laugh about “boy energy” and the prevalence of half-missing teeth among grown men from childhood accidents.

  "Every man I know has like half a tooth." (Amanda Hirsch, 23:01)

• Amanda resists strict parenting labels or over-categorizing herself, striving for a chill, “we’ll figure it out” approach to family life.

5. Stages, Fear, and Impermanence

Timestamps: 25:31–28:44

• Amanda and Dylan agree that every parenting stage has its worries—but kids are resilient, and nothing is permanent.

  "I've always had this state of mind about my...my life that it's like nothing is permanent. You can try it. You know, I could hate it. Could love. Like, I would try it." (Amanda Hirsch, 08:25)

• Amanda embraces “fluster” as her motto:

  "I can get flustered...but I. I don't overstress about, like, dinner, lunch, eating this." (Amanda Hirsch, 26:50)

• Both commiserate over nightly “I need water!” requests and the endless little moments that try a parent’s patience.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On deciding to have more kids:

  "I love that everyone has their path and you know, what they want for their lives. And for me, I'm so fricking indecisive that I'm like, why can't I have that voice in my head that's like, I'm done?" (Amanda Hirsch, 07:33)

• On motherhood not erasing identity:

  "You could still like the things that you liked. You don't have to become interested only in, like, mom things." (Amanda Hirsch, 15:12)

• On the unpredictability of parenting:

  "The third [kid] really, like, raises himself." (Amanda Hirsch quoting Dylan, 05:09)

• On confidence as a parenting win:

  "When I see [my son] have confidence... I'm confused killing it. Because to me, confidence is such a sign of, like, good things are happening, you know, and security." (Amanda Hirsch, 32:41)

• On in-the-moment messiness:

  "I feel like a mess. But I don't overstress about, like, dinner, lunch, eating this..." (Amanda Hirsch, 26:50)

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Segment Timestamps (Selected Highlights)

• 01:05 – 02:42: Dylan’s pre-motherhood fears, introducing the topic of identity loss
• 09:14 – 15:30: Amanda’s checklist and how she approached planning for motherhood; how it ended up boosting her career, not blocking it
• 16:47 – 17:16: "Double life": balancing professional passions with parenting
• 20:56 – 24:45: Candid parenting confessions—travel stories, airplane stories, half-missing teeth
• 27:14 – 28:44: Water-before-bedtime saga and “playing it cool” to avoid kid meltdowns
• 32:30 – 33:40: Amanda on maternal pride and instilling confidence

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Parenting Confessions & Closing Takeaways

• Parenting Confessions Segment (30:11–32:30):
  • Hiding in the bathroom for a breather (guilty as charged!)
  • Amanda’s “spicy take”: she talks to her son Noah like an adult, which she feels fosters his sense of humor and confidence
  • Amanda’s biggest pride: watching her son’s self-assurance grow, affirming her own mothering and continuing a positive generational legacy
• Dylan closes with powerful reassurance:

  "It's so good, okay, to feel scared. Yes, your life is about to change, but your identity is not going to change. You're still you. You're just adding mom to the list, and you're going to crush it." (Dylan Dreyer, 33:50)

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Tone & Language

The conversation is warm, vulnerable, and full of humor, often veering into self-deprecation and “real talk” about the exhaustion, chaos, and joy of motherhood. Both hosts are open, “judgment-free,” and determined to break the myth that motherhood must mean erasing who you are.

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Final Takeaway

This episode reassures listeners that fear around motherhood is normal—but it doesn’t have to be paralyzing. You don’t have to lose yourself; you can grow, laugh, stumble, and shine—adding “mom” to your identity, not replacing it. Amanda and Dylan offer a friendship-style pep talk for anyone wondering if they’ll still feel like “themselves” after baby—and the answer is a resounding yes.

Transcript

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[Amanda Hirsch]

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[Amanda Hirsch]

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[Dylan Dreyer]

So do you think that's just coincidental?

[Amanda Hirsch]

I'm not preaching it as like, have a baby. You will suc. You will succeed. But I know it didn't stop me.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Hey, everyone. Welcome back. Before we dive into today's episode, I want to play you a clip from the Today show. It is 10 years old. It was me talking to camera before I ever had Calvin. What if I don't like the way my life changes? What if I hold that against the kid? Because I'm just. I'm thinking that I'm mad at the baby for changing my life. And then I just sit back and it's like, okay. And I get into that excited phase again where I just. I can't wait to meet this little guy who is going to change our life. So this is a vlog I recorded back then. I was pregnant with Calvin, scared to death to become a first time mom. The camera is so close to my face because I was in Calvin's nursery, which was this small little room, not even big enough to be an actual bedroom. So the camera's like up in my face because there's nowhere else to go. There's tears in my eyes. I'm genuinely scared, scared to death. I don't know if I can handle being a mom. And this was the first time I really talked about it. There's this fear that goes into having a child for the first time. And I'm not talking about the fear of, will I know how to care for the baby? Will I know how to change diapers? Will I breastfeed or not breastfeed? I don't know. This is the fear of losing your identity to become a new person. And that's what today's conversation is going to be about that. You don't have to change who you are to become a mom. You can still be you, you can still, still follow all of your hopes and dreams, but just add this momhood to your life resume. And we have the perfect guest today. Her name is Amanda Hirsch. You'll know her as the host of the podcast Not Skinny but not Fat.

[Amanda Hirsch]

I have a son already. He's five now, and he sleeps through the night. And I don't remember the daily struggles and how much I cried and tossed and turned and sleep trained just for him to turn three, I think it was. And he slept.

[Dylan Dreyer]

She has two boys. She has Noah who's five, and Lenny who's one. And she's been really open about those fears leading into motherhood and how it will impact her career. And guess what? It didn't impact her career at all. We had such a great conversation and here it is with Amanda Hirsch. Thank you so much for chatting with us. I mean, this is.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Thanks for having me.

[Dylan Dreyer]

This is so exciting. I watch your podcast and have you here. It's just like, I know before we

[Amanda Hirsch]

started I was like, why are my notes over there?

[Dylan Dreyer]

You know, so your mom, two boys.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Yeah. Last night we had a terrible night with Lenny, who's my almost two year old. And I was like the only, you know, glass half full part of not sleeping all night was I'm coming on a parent podcast so I can complain about what a horrible night I had.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah, I tend to notice because I have a lot of horrible nights because I have the three boys and like at some point the two youngest will always come into my bed, you know, and I can't turn them down.

[Amanda Hirsch]

I agree with you about them coming to the bed because my older son Noah comes to my bed and you know, my husband's parents are like, how is Noah sleeping? Is he still waking up? And I'm like, yeah, he comes to our bed and I love it. Yeah, I get cuddled.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Why would you not want to sleep somebody?

[Amanda Hirsch]

Like, it's so cute. And I really, I'm. I'm the type of parent and I have been since I was pregnant. I'm not an over researcher. I don't like categorizing myself as like, you know, nap trapped, a co sleeper. I'm like, Noah comes to my bed, I know that it's not gonna be forever. And yeah, if he kicks me in the face, I am like, you know,

[Dylan Dreyer]

there are some times I absolutely hate it. And I get so mad because I get whacked in the face. And I, like, have this super strength where I could just launch them to the other side of the room.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Launch. And they're like noodles. Like, nothing happens at all. So now I'm taking the second one. Much chiller. Not worrying about the sleep, you know, like, But I'm sure by your third. So is the third really, like, raises himself.

[Dylan Dreyer]

There's a lot more of that.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Okay.

[Dylan Dreyer]

He's also just more of a punk, right? Because he knows the threats are meaningless. Like, at dinner, he's not eating dinner. And it's like, well, you're gonna go to your room if you don't eat that carrot. He's like, drops the carrot. You know, I'm like, you're such a punk. But, like, there's really nothing I can do. And then I just kind of. Because I got the other two. It's like, I really don't care that much.

[Amanda Hirsch]

They do have that more, like, independent play time, which is really nice. But I have to ask. So when you were gonna have your third. Sorry, I'm switching the script. Were you, like, going for the girl vibes?

[Dylan Dreyer]

Well, I was trying for a third, and then things weren't happening. So I bought a beach house instead. Instead, right? And I'm like, all right, this is just, you know, this is gonna be my life. I'm gonna have the two boys. I'm gonna get this beach house. And, like, so we have a place to escape the city. And then, right. Like, when we closed on that, I found out I was pregnant with my third. And the kind of right away I found, I was like, maybe it could be a girl. Like, I have two older brothers, so that's like, I love that dynamic. I would love that for her. And then when I found out it was a boy, I was actually relieved because we were still living in the city, so there wasn't that whole, like, girl, boy, room thing. You know, they could all just still be together. I didn't need more stuff. I had all the hand me downs. Any stuff I just bought Rusty yesterday. It just came on Amazon for the first time. New underwear. I'm like, this poor kid has not had his own underwear. And he was so excited.

[Amanda Hirsch]

No. I can't believe they even. The underwear was a hand me down.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Everything was a hand me down.

[Amanda Hirsch]

But see, that's why the third kids, it's like, they really deal with it, you know, they don't get spoiled. They get, you know, underwear with hopefully no streaks or.

[Dylan Dreyer]

No.

[Amanda Hirsch]

That's amazing, though.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah.

[Amanda Hirsch]

I would.

[Dylan Dreyer]

You ever Want three?

[Amanda Hirsch]

I am in the debate now. We had the suburb conversation, my husband and I, yesterday, because I've been thinking about the third. Of course my life is finally back on track. You know what I mean? I finally feel better and not postpartumi. And of course, then it.

[Dylan Dreyer]

You want another one?

[Amanda Hirsch]

It comes.

[Dylan Dreyer]

It does.

[Amanda Hirsch]

I wish I could quiet that. Damn.

[Dylan Dreyer]

I will tell you. After I had the third, I don't know if you're gonna wanna hear this. After I had the third, I was so done. I got rid of.

[Amanda Hirsch]

I know that.

[Dylan Dreyer]

I know I got rid of things. But after my second, I held on to everything. I held onto the crib, I held onto the stroller. I held onto everything.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Kills me every day. I'll tell you why. Cause I love different kinds of, like, decision making about family planning. So I love when someone's one and done. I love when someone'. Someone's like two. And I knew it. Yeah. And I was like, go and vasectomy. I'm like, I love that. I love that everyone has their path and you know, what they want for their lives. And for me, I'm so fricking indecisive that I'm like, why can't I have that voice in my head that's like, I'm done. Like, have this, like, planned out? I'm like, I don't know where I'm gonna live. I don't know if I'm gonna have another. Like, I don't know anything, right?

[Dylan Dreyer]

But I do think the opposite is true. Like, if you just have the third, the rest sort of falls into place. Like, you kind of have to figure it out. Like, after I had the third, I was like, no. Like, we are New Yorkers. We can live here. I could do this. We don't need a bigger apartment. Laugh at my mom's face. And then all of a sudden I'm like, oh, yeah, I can't stand this. I'm sick of being so close to all of you. That's why I was done. So if you were to have a third and move to the suburbs, it all works out because I love it.

[Amanda Hirsch]

And you know what? I also. I've always had this state of mind about my. My life that it's like nothing is permanent. You can try it. You know, I could hate it. Could love. Like, I would try it.

[Dylan Dreyer]

So you're going to have the third. Like, we've decided that you don't have to decide on where you' living yet.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Okay. Okay. Okay. Yes, we've decided.

[Dylan Dreyer]

This is our Game plan.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Good to know.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yes.

[Amanda Hirsch]

I know it's included myself in your plans for people because I know so many people have this debate, but it comes up everywhere.

[Dylan Dreyer]

And there's something kind of badass, I think, about being a mom of three. You know, Like, I'm proud to tell people I'm a mom of two.

[Amanda Hirsch]

First of all, look at you. You had three kids.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Well, thank you.

[Amanda Hirsch]

You get that, right? They're like, you.

[Dylan Dreyer]

There's that.

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[Dylan Dreyer]

Tell me more. Yes.

[Amanda Hirsch]

And that you're probably, like, sweating.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah.

[Amanda Hirsch]

And working hard.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah.

[Amanda Hirsch]

And killing it, you know, while you're being a mom.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah. You just kind of figure it out. But I remember being. This is kind of like what the topic for today was kind of about was the fear of becoming a mom in the first place. Like, I don't really like other people's kids, so I was like, how can I be a mom? Like, I don't really. I don't know how to change diapers. I don't know how to do this. I love my job. I like traveling. I like my money for myself, you know? And there was, like, a big part of me that didn't ever want to become a mom.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Wow.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Did you ever have that fear?

[Amanda Hirsch]

I never had the. I'm going to be a mom. You know, like, girls go on the Bachelor 22, and they're like, my dream is to be a mom of five. And I'm like, have one and talk to me, you know? You want four? I want four. You're like, okay, you're 23. You don't know anything yet, like, for anyone. Have one and then decide how many you want. Yes. You know, so I didn't have the. Like, I don't like. Like, I liked kids. I babysat. I. Whatever. But I never had the, like, I'm gonna be a mom. I can't wait to be pregnant. Like, it was more like, I see myself as someone who will have a family, but, like, damn, when am I gonna do it? How am I gonna do it? I'm scared of the whole thing, of the process of the pregnant, of the birth, of the everything. So it really, for me was the pressure more came from my husband because he's a very, like, by the book, like, okay, we're married. It's been five years. Everyone else is doing it, you know? And I'm like, we have to think for ourselves, you know? And then for me, was kind of pragmatic at that point. It was like, I was 32, I think, and it was, like, not an Age thing. But it was a. I made kind of a checklist of, like, where I'm at in all these categories that I wanted to have checked off before having a baby. Okay. So was, like, mentally okay? Because I had really bad periods of anxiety in my life. Not going to have a baby then.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Mentally okay. You know, financially, could you do it? Yeah, Financially, I could do it right now. Yeah. Marriage is good. Marriage is good. You know, that kind of thing.

[Dylan Dreyer]

You are a planner.

[Amanda Hirsch]

I am. I mean, I wasn't really writing in a notebook, but for me, if it was like, we were broke, I wouldn't have had a baby at that point in my life if, like, my relationship wasn't good. So for me, it was like, okay, everything is checking out. There's one box that I'm unsure of, which was the career box. Because at this point, where were you

[Dylan Dreyer]

at in your career?

[Amanda Hirsch]

I was. So I started my Instagram account in 2016, but I was slow burning it. Like, this wasn't a overnight thing. In 2019, I started my podcast, and that's. I had Noah by 2020. So I wasn't at all making a living from it, let's put it that way, or any money from it. At that point, I was still working, like, two jobs. So it was like, I'm not where I want to be. I have these dreams, I have these goals. The baby that would stop everything. It would ruin everything. It would stop everything. I wouldn't be able to do this.

[Dylan Dreyer]

And why do you think we think that way?

[Amanda Hirsch]

I don't know. And that's why it's my mission to spread the fact that for me, because of the other boxes we're talking about, at some point, it was like, okay, all these other things are okay. This is the one thing. So I'm just gonna, like, wing it. And hopefully I'm wrong. And I was wrong. And after I had Noah, and I know this because I, again, as you could tell, I'm like, a person, right? Is like, I got my, like, first brand deal after I had Noah. Like, I was postpartum, puffy, ugly, leaky, being like, you should buy this, like, laundry detergent, you know? But it's started happening for me, and it was Covid, which horrible time, but great for content creators. You know, it was actually a. The time that my business took off is when I had my son.

[Dylan Dreyer]

So do you think that's just coincidental?

[Amanda Hirsch]

I'm not preaching it as, like, have a baby. You will.

[Dylan Dreyer]

You will succeed.

[Amanda Hirsch]

You will succeed. But I know it didn't stop me. So either was, like, in spite of it or because of it in some way, it still happened. So I know it's, like, possible. And with Noah, I was. I was in the trenches, you know, with my second son, it's like, okay, I have some help. You know, things are a little different now. But I was in it. It was, you know, two years of day and night, only us and breastfeeding. I breastfed to, like, two and a half. So I was, like, in it, in it, in it, in it. And still this happened. So for me, and I know it sounds like kitschy or, you know, whatever, but it's kind of like a blessing having a baby. And, like, I do feel like even with my second, like, good happens kind of after, like, it brings, like, good energy and motivates you in a way. And so I really had a positive experience in that way where, like, my kids, and especially my first, which is where I was fearful that everything would change, that I would become this, like, just mom and I wouldn't be able to. So I have this saying that goes, you could be a mom and still be a dumb bitch. And the reason why, you know, I came up with that was because I remember after even getting pregnant and thinking about all the things I was scared of, I said, no, you're going to keep on doing what you're doing. Which was at the time, like, I was talking a lot about, like, reality TV and recapping shows and talking about pop culture and celebrities stuff. So I'm like, if I'm in the damn hospital, like, being like, so this is what happened. Like, that's what I'm going to do. And the baby will be eating or breastfeeding, doing whatever. And I literally did that. And I remember flash forward to, you know, having Noah, being at home with him and doing my thing. So I kind of proved to myself that I'm following through with what I said I would do. And also that you could be the person that you were, you know, Right. You could still like the things that you liked. You don't have to become interested only in, like, mom things.

[Dylan Dreyer]

I know.

[Amanda Hirsch]

And all of a sudden care about, only, like, kids stuff. And all the stuff that I love before, I still love. And you could really stay yourself and become a mom, you know, which I think scares a lot of people that they won't be able to do.

[Dylan Dreyer]

It's like severance. I mean, I feel like. I feel like I have my life that I love. I love my job. I love coming to work. I. I'M not thinking about my kids, and then I go home. And I love being a mom. I love being with the kids, and I'm not really thinking about work. And it's like I'm living two different lives, but they're all cohesive, you know, Like, I've. I've got this. I've got. You know, I talk about my kids a lot on the show, but, like, I really enjoy when I'm not with them as much as I enjoy being with them. Do you change the way you approach anything you do because of the kids? Like, can you still be exactly the way you were? Do you handle interviews differently? Do you talk about different topics? Just, you know, like, we're related that we have kids but still love our jobs.

[Amanda Hirsch]

So I do love talking about it. It is true. I love hearing about people's, you know, parenting styles, but I don't think I changed how I approach. I think in general, I've kind of matured and think about everything before I talk about it, but not in the. The way that I approach things. I can still care about the dumb even if, like, my kid is sick at home. And I'm dealing with that too. But I'm like, my husband's like, what happened? I'm like, oh, no. Kim was just seen with, like, you know, Lewis Hamilton. So I really live. Like you were saying. Actually, that's a perfect example. Almost like a double life.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Because I really didn't change in my professional life, but I have that completely separate home life where it's like, okay, nobody cares. Right. You just came from Sundance. Like, calm down. Like, you know what I mean? Like, you don't even get the, like, glory for a second. That's the thing about being a mom, too, is you can come from the chicest, like, gala wherever you're going, and you're like. And then it's like, Lenny vomited. Like, go clean it up. And you're like, okay. You know, and it brings you right back down. Like, you don't get a moment.

[Dylan Dreyer]

You know, how do you handle the day to day of, like, what you do? Like, I'm thinking, you know, we had to watch heated rivalry because we had all the guests on the show.

[Amanda Hirsch]

How did you watch? So that's a great question.

[Dylan Dreyer]

So it's kind of, you know. And here I am, like, I saw

[Amanda Hirsch]

gel that you had all them. Yeah.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Which was awesome.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Yeah.

[Dylan Dreyer]

I mean, Connor's story was amazing, but, like, I need to watch the show. Like, we got a specific email that said all the characters are coming on the show. Like, you have to watch this. So I wait for the kids to go to bed. They don't like when I stay downstairs and watch tv. Like they want me to, you know, go to bed when they go to bed. So I'm like watching on my phone and then Calvin comes in because he's got to pee again. And you're like. And I'm like. And my face is like bright red. I'm like, does he know what I was just watching?

[Amanda Hirsch]

Yes. I mean, wait. That's exactly how I watched it though.

[Dylan Dreyer]

That's how you.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Exactly. So I was in Miami with the kids when the finale was coming out. It was very important to me that I watched the finale with the world because it was the awaited cottage. You know, literally I'm in bed. Such a similar story. I'm in bed with Noah and he's watching something on his iPad and I'm watching blowjobs on my iPad. You know, and people always ask, how do you have time for. And it's like, first of all, like, they're at school and they have their days so you have time to watch the shows. But they definitely. Things like that happen.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Was there anything you remember being fearful of before you were a mom that you were like, what? Like, I wish I could tell myself, like, just stop because it's really not that bad.

[Amanda Hirsch]

I was very chill going into it. I was like, I don't want to watch birth videos. I don't want to know anything. People start talking, oh, I want to know. Yeah, I do have this way of not having the anxiety. Like I don't have the choking anxiety, the sleeping anxiety.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah, I don't have any of that either.

[Amanda Hirsch]

You know, like I, I didn't have that. I was more just worried about how it changed my life.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Right.

[Amanda Hirsch]

You know, and turned it upside down. And we've learned that it doesn't have to do that. Yeah. You know,

[Dylan Dreyer]

stay with us. We'll be right back after the. On Etsy, you can find your favorite person a gift as special as they are. Like a custom leather camera strap to celebrate your photography obsessed friend. For special birthday gifts that say I get you shop the Etsy app.

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[Amanda Hirsch]

Yeah.

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[Dylan Dreyer]

Do you travel a lot?

[Amanda Hirsch]

I'm very picky about my travel. I don't love it. Yeah, we went to Miami for like one of the breaks and I regretted bringing my young one. I was like, I should have just left him at home. Like I.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Why did you bring him?

[Amanda Hirsch]

Because I never had. Like, it was like, we're going to family vacation. Like, holy. He just hated every minute. He was screaming on the plane. He was one of the screaming babies on the plane.

[Dylan Dreyer]

I actually don't mind screaming babies because I know it's not mine. Like when I'm traveling alone, I'm like, oh, I feel for you.

[Amanda Hirsch]

I know.

[Dylan Dreyer]

So glad that's not me right now.

[Amanda Hirsch]

So I posted about that when I was on the plane. I was like, feel bad for me. Like. And you know, people go off in the comments. So there's the defenders and there's the freaks that like would murder a baby on a plane. And being a mom, I know the anxiety I feel when it's my kid, when it's not my kid, I don't have any anxiety attached to it. Just actually like sadness. Right. For the, the parent that has to deal with it. Yeah. You don't have any emo. So you're not like, ow, like what? But, but it's so crazy because you were. You would think, who would be the monster to think any differently? And then you go on like threads or something. And now I get targeted by the airplane stories. So every day I'll see one being like, there should be a lot no babies. I'm planes. And I'm like, every day I'll see a post like this, I guess cuz I posted a plane story. But yeah, for the parent, you know, are dying, I feel like.

[Dylan Dreyer]

And half the time, I mean with my kids, they just want to run up and down the hallway in a hotel.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Right.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Like they, they don't care where we are. How nice the room Is what food we're eating, what we're doing.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Yeah.

[Dylan Dreyer]

They're just like. Or jumping from bed to bed. Like that's. But with boys, that's all that is.

[Amanda Hirsch]

I know. It's so scary the things they do. Let them jump from the bunk bed onto the couch. Or should I say no to everything?

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah. You know, I just let them do it.

[Amanda Hirsch]

You let them do it.

[Dylan Dreyer]

It took till my third before we had stitches.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Yeah.

[Dylan Dreyer]

But I was impressed that, you know, with three boys.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Right.

[Dylan Dreyer]

It took till the third before we had.

[Amanda Hirsch]

I feel like every man I know has like half a tooth. My husband too. No, it's actually. You have half a tooth. All the. What is that? I feel like this needs to be talked about more.

[Dylan Dreyer]

It's true.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Every man has friggin half a tooth. And it's insane because you all are falling on your faces as kids. My husband just fell off. He would kill me but he's not going to listen. So it's such a hilarious thing. His thing fell off like the last.

[Dylan Dreyer]

The little.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Because girls aren't walking around with half a.

[Amanda Hirsch]

And the dudes here too. I'll have a toothing. Damn.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Boys are a lot. Yeah. I mean it's just full energy all the time.

[Amanda Hirsch]

That's. So when mine get hurt, I feel like maybe because I have that knowledge, the first thing I'll look at is the teeth.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Is the teeth.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Yes. Half a tooth. Everybody's doing it.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah. You have half a tooth. When you hear people tell you, you make me not scared to be a mom.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Yeah, I love that girl.

[Dylan Dreyer]

They love what you're doing. They love how you're doing it.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Yeah. It really means a lot to me. As I was telling you, I posted like with Noah as a baby, he was part of my stories. Not in a mom content way, but. No, I'm just kidding. And. And he's there as I'm talking about, you know the Armie Hammer scandal that happened 2020. It's a big one. No, I don't listen. Cursing over his head. People are like you're cur. You know, but it's like he does not understand. Yeah, but I think, you know, in the whole. You could be a mom and still be a dumb. Is kind of all part of it. Like I think I make them not scared to be a mom. Not only because I post with my kids and maybe they think that we're sweet together that you know, I talk to them kind of like a person or whatever they see. I think they also see that I haven't changed.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah.

[Amanda Hirsch]

So I really go back to that, and I think that makes them less scared. Like, they could think my kids are cute again, or the relationship, or that I'm a fun mom, a cool mom, a gorgeous mom.

[Dylan Dreyer]

All these things.

[Amanda Hirsch]

All these things. But I think the main thing is, wait, you are the same. We see you living your life. We see you working at what you've always said you wanted to do. So it means a lot. And it also, like, it makes me so happy because I know how scared I was of that.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Right?

[Amanda Hirsch]

So to spread the gospel that, you know, you don't have to be scared in that way, it really makes me happy. So that means that I always love to see that, like, if you were scared to do it and you were having all these thoughts and, like, something I posted or said, you know, made you feel like I could do it too.

[Dylan Dreyer]

So do you ever think about, like, going forward as your kids are aging? Do you think there's always just, like, a sense of fear or uneasiness about every stage of life that your kids go through?

[Amanda Hirsch]

I think about, like, my life. And I know in the city especially, you get so stressed, like, you didn't apply it for. Wait, let me go back to what I know. I know how I grew up. I went to whatever school I was mother zoned for, excuse my French, you know, and then I was moved to another country, and then I came back, and then I was moved again, and then I came back like, I was all over the. And look at me. Look at you, you know? No, but I truly mean that. Like, kids are resilient.

[Dylan Dreyer]

It makes you think of things you didn't even know you needed to think about.

[Amanda Hirsch]

I'm like, first of all, Noah's probably gonna be an EPO baby, you know, and he's not gonna have to deal with this. No, he loves it too much. It's crazy. He's like, are you gon that on Instagram? I'm like, okay, so we don't have to worry about. We don't. We don't have to worry about that for you. But the school stuff, I will not let them get me. You know what I mean? Like, I think, you know, we've all been through it as it comes. I. I kind of deal with it. You know, I think the perfect word I describe myself is this. Like, I remember having no one. Like, it's like fluster. I can get flustered.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Like, it's a perfect word.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Isn't that the perfect word? Like, I could sweat and like when you're whipping the boob out and you're with a stroller and everything's falling and you're a mess. Like, I feel like a mess. But I. I don't overstress about, like, dinner, lunch, eating this. Like, I think Noah. Noah's like, on a hunger strike. Like, what am I going to do? What am I going to do? Force feed him. He'll like, eat pasta. And I'll be like, I need water. And I'll be like, the cockroaches. Wait, you.

[Dylan Dreyer]

The water thing, the water thing. Like, this is the most hydrated generation on the planet.

[Amanda Hirsch]

It's funny because Noah last night cried because I got so frustrated. Because we go to bed, first of all, after he brushes, he's like, water. So I do the cup. More, more, more water, whatever. And then we go to bed and he's like, water. And I'm like. Like, it's rude about.

[Dylan Dreyer]

I do.

[Amanda Hirsch]

I'm like, this is not normal. Like, he does not need this amount of.

[Dylan Dreyer]

You can't be that thirsty.

[Amanda Hirsch]

No.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Get them into bed. And it's. I need water. I need water. I'm like, right, you're gonna die if you don't drink water right now. And I just get so mean.

[Amanda Hirsch]

I know exactly what happened to me last night. That I was putting him to sleep and then he laid on me and I was like, noah. And then he cried because I hurt his feelings.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah, of course.

[Amanda Hirsch]

So then there's another 20 minutes of consoling and I was like, you up? You know, I'm making this longer. I know it sounds mean. Like, of course I felt bad. I was like, I'm so sorry. Do you want to hold me?

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yes.

[Amanda Hirsch]

I always want to hug you. Not right now, because I want to get the helly out of this bed and watch the pit. But it was my mistake that caused a 15 minute delay.

[Dylan Dreyer]

I know because I did it.

[Amanda Hirsch]

I did it. I got mad and I didn't find

[Dylan Dreyer]

for 30 more seconds.

[Amanda Hirsch]

I held it together for 30 more seconds. I wouldn't have an extra 15 minutes of the tears. And I'm like, I'm so sorry. They know when you're stressed. They know when you're ready to get the hell out of there. So, like, play it cool.

[Dylan Dreyer]

More of the parent chat after the break.

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[Dylan Dreyer]

Like what?

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[Amanda Hirsch]

I like trips.

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[Amanda Hirsch]

Wow. I better pack.

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[Amanda Hirsch]

How does it know I like hats?

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[Dylan Dreyer]

like what shoes are you going to wear?

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[Dylan Dreyer]

So we do this little thing called parenting Confessions. So I'm going to ask you questions, okay. Have you ever hid in the bathroom from your kids? Guilty.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Yeah.

[Dylan Dreyer]

But they always find their way in.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Also, do you consider like peeing, Finishing peeing, but staying there on your phone for 25 more minutes hiding?

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yes.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Than like daily. Yeah. My husband has to be like, are you okay? And I'm like coming?

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah, I hear somebody crying downstairs. Mommy. Hold on. I'm in the bathroom. Like I just. It's just the easiest place. You can shut and lock the door. Although if you don't lock the door,

[Amanda Hirsch]

there is no problem. And lay on your knees.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah. So we also do this thing, like controversial parenting, like a little spicy take on parenting. Something that other people would say, oh my God, I can't believe you do that. But you stand by for me.

[Amanda Hirsch]

I feel like I really talk to Noah. Like he's an adult, maybe sometimes too much. So I like gossip, you know, my husband's like, like he could literally like go say that to. I'll be like, I don't know, like what is he wearing? It's like, where does his mom shop for him? You know, So I do that. But it does actually make him very obsessed servant. Like the fact that I discuss these things with him. Like it's so funny. I went to pick him up the other day and I had to go into the class cuz I was picking him up early and I saw one of his friends and I was like, oh my God, that's such a cool scarf. Like, to his friend, his friend was like, okay, like, thank you. I can bring you one tomorrow. And then Noah goes look and says about this other kid, he has a scarf, too. And I was like. And then as we're walking on, I'm like, not a cute scarf. You know, Like. And it's okay. Like, he should know that's a cute scarf. Yeah. That's not a cute scarf, by the way. Noah has a great sense of style, but, yeah, I kind of have him, like, you know, if my sister's being super late, I'll be like, she's the slow one in the family. You know, like, so I clue him in. I feel like it did give him. He has such a sense of humor. He gets it. He gets me. Even if I turn into the Hulk, like, hul. Just have to look at me and be like, yeah, I get. You know, like, he gets me because I show him all of me. He doesn't get this, like, mom, like, honey Howard, you know, he gets the whole real me with, like, the sass and, you know, the. The thing. And so, yeah, I guess that's.

[Dylan Dreyer]

What about something you're proud of as a mom? Like, when do you really think you're crushing this?

[Amanda Hirsch]

When I see that my kid is. And I'll speak like the older one because the younger one is still a baby, but when I see him have confidence, I feel like I'm confused. Killing it.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Because to me, confidence is such a sign of, like, good things are happening, you know, and security. Security. And that I'm giving him everything he needs to feel good about himself. I feel so good about that because I know for me, my mom did that for me. And no matter what our circumstance was like, she made me feel like I was the most beautiful, the most talented, the most whatever. And I talk about how, like, that made me able to, like, you know, stick with this for so long and believe that I can, like, do it and do it and do it. So when I see that in my kid, I'm so happy. Cause I know how much that gave me in my life. Like, without having confidence, you know, you're

[Dylan Dreyer]

scared to do everything.

[Amanda Hirsch]

I would be scared to do anything that I'm doing now. So I love it. Love watching him look in the mirror. Love watching him, you know, be proud of himself or, you know, be the first one to raise his hand or whatever it is. I'm like, I'm doing good. Yeah.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Well, it seems like so much of that confidence came from you, so be proud.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Thank you.

[Dylan Dreyer]

You seem like such a wonderful mom.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Thank you so much.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah, it's so nice to chat with you, too.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Thank you for having me.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Thank you so much. So my takeaway, I guess, from all of this is that it's so good, okay, to feel scared. Yes, your life is about to change, but your identity is not going to change. You're still you. You're just adding mom to the list and you're going to crush it. Everything is going to be just fine. You'll see. So, of course I want to hear your take on our conversation. I want to know about the first time you became a mom, what changed and really what stayed the same. You can DM us on Instagram today. Parents or Yylan Dreyer and abc. Let's bring you into this conversation and see what it was like for you. We'll see you next time. Bye.

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Bye.

[Dylan Dreyer]

This episode was produced by Ann Legamayo with video production by Andy Tavares and audio production by Matt Tierney. Rachel. Paula Abramson is our parenting reporter. Our senior producer is Tyree Nobles. It was edited by Ali Strain. Our audio engineer is Joe Plord. Our head of audio production is Jessica Fenton. Ashley Domagola is our production manager. Sadie Bass is our supervising producer. Ariana Davis is the executive editor of the Today show. And Ashley Kodiani is the vice president of content strategy. I'm Dylan Dreier, and this has been the Parent Chat, a production of the Today Show. See you next week.

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[Dylan Dreyer]

Like what?

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Like automatically pushing more to savings so you can take that trip.

[Amanda Hirsch]

I like trips.

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[Amanda Hirsch]

Well, I better pack.

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[Amanda Hirsch]

How does it know I like hats?

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