Parents carry their past into their parenting, often without realizing it. In this episode, I sit down with relationship therapist and author Eli Harwood to talk about how emotional baggage forms, how it quietly shows up in the way we respond to our kids, and what it actually looks like to break those patterns in real time. We get honest about triggers, shame, defensiveness, and the parts of ourselves we learned to tuck away long before we ever had children.

Eli breaks down how emotional inheritance works, why our bodies react before our brains catch up, and how to shift from reactive parenting to connected parenting. This isn’t about perfection or never getting activated. It’s about noticing, pausing, and choosing something different so our kids don’t have to carry what we never had support for. If you’ve ever wondered, “Am I passing this on?”, this conversation will help you see the patterns with compassion and give you tools to change the story.

What we talk about:

Why emotional baggage forms and how it shows up in parenting
How your childhood coping strategies become adult triggers
The difference between reacting and responding
Why kids activate the parts of us we haven’t healed
How shame keeps patterns going
Practical steps to interrupt the cycle
Why slowing down is the most powerful parenting tool
How to repair with your child when you slip into old patterns

To connect with Eli Harwood follow her on Instagram @attachmentnerd, check out all her resources at https://www.attachmentnerd.com/ and buy her book “How to Deal with Your ___ So Your Kids Don’t Have To: https://www.amazon.com/Deal-Your-____-Kids-Dont/dp/1632175967

00:00 – The Core Idea: Kids Feel What We Don’t Heal

05:23 – From Secure Kids to Secure Parents

09:18 – The Five Gifts of a Secure Parent
14:06 – Showing Up Without Making Kids the Burden
23:14 – When Your Stuff Spills Out

25:58 – Hidden Baggage: Denial, Over-Apologizing, and Self-Doubt

27:28 – Bias, Blind Spots, and Long-Term Connection

36:40 – Emotional Maturity in Real Life

41:17 – “I Want Mommy”: Rejection and Attachment Preferences

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