This episode with Tricia Wilson, fellow facilitator of the Circle of Security Training, hits to the root of all we need to know as parents. Circle of Security is a simple, powerful way of understanding what children actually need from us. Essentially, it shows us that kids move out into the world to explore (the top of the circle), and then come back to us for comfort, connection, and regulation (the bottom of the circle). Our role is to be the “secure base” they can go out from, and the “safe haven” they can return to—watching over them, delighting in them, helping when needed, and welcoming them back when things feel hard. That’s it. Not perfection—just presence.

I was introduced to this framework as a clinician when my children were small, and it organized my parenting and helped me streamline my energy to the place of the highest importance, I tell may anecdotes in the episode to illustrate what Circle of Security did for me (and my kids)!

And this isn’t just a nice idea—it’s deeply rooted in decades of attachment research. From Bowlby’s early work on attachment, to Mary Ainsworth’s observations of how children organize around safety, to modern neuroscience showing how co-regulation literally shapes the developing nervous system—this model reflects what we know to be true: children thrive when they experience consistent, attuned, and repairing relationships. Security isn’t built through getting it right every time. It’s built through connection, rupture, and repair.

Tricia is also a mother of 5, she birthed three boys who she parented the traditional high control/high punishment way, and then adopted two girls who had experiences attachment trauma, pushing her to find something that actually worked. Tricia is the author of the book "Adopting Grace; A Parenting Journey from Fear to Freedom," and she also has a prolific substack where she writes about family life, social justice and deconstructing from high control shame-based religion.

You can find her work here: https://triciawilson.com/blog/

Enjoy the episode!